Entertainment
Getting My BIG Hollywood Break | "Big Irish" Jay Hollingsworth
In this episode, comedian Jay Hollingsworth shares the hilarious and unexpected story of his big Hollywood break on the TV show 'Two Broke Girls.' From an urgent call from his manager to an ...
Getting My BIG Hollywood Break | "Big Irish" Jay Hollingsworth
Entertainment •
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Interactive Transcript
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I started comedy in Boston and then I moved to LA
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because they always talk about you move to LA.
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You hope for your big Hollywood break, right?
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I think I got mine as soon as I moved out there.
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I got an email from my manager on a Thursday at midnight.
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All it said was, hey, call me immediately,
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urgent, doesn't matter how late.
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So I call him and go, what's up?
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He goes, hey, I'm submitting you for a role
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on the TV show Two Broke Girls.
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So I was like, great, yeah.
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And he goes, we're gonna submit you as a love interest.
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I'm like, even better.
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I go, is it for cat Denny or is it for the blonde girl?
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He goes, no, it'd be for Patrick.
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I go, just say Patricia.
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He goes, no, it's definitely a two, definitely Patrick.
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I was like, oh boy, all right.
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I go, well, that's fine.
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Go ahead.
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Submit me for Patrick's love interest.
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So he goes, hold on.
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I gotta ask you one other thing.
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I go, all right.
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What's that?
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He goes, how do you feel about kissing a man on national TV?
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I told him I go, this is how all the Hollywood stories start.
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Oh, he starts with, hey, how do you feel about kissing a guy?
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The next is, hey, how do you feel about kissing this guy?
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It's dick, and then it just fucking escalates from there.
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But again, most of the stuff you go out for, you don't get.
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So I was like, you know what?
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I'm probably not gonna get it anyways.
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Go ahead, submit me for Patrick's love interest.
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The next day I get an email.
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Call me immediately.
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They want you to come in.
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And I was like, fuck, I hope that doesn't mean Patrick, right?
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So I call him.
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I call him.
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I go, what's up?
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He goes, you got it.
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You got the role.
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They want you on set right now.
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So I was like, all right, text in the address.
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So now I'm driving to the set of two broke girls.
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And I'm trying to wrap my head around like, I'm about to make out with a dude, right?
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Like, I'm never kissed a guy sober, you know?
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And not.
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And here's the thing, like, I'm not gay, but I'm still a guy, so I'm like competitive.
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So the whole way there, I'm just going, all right, I'm not gonna be the one they say was the bad kisser.
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So I just start putting chapstick on and popping tick-tacks like an asshole, you know?
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Then as I'm driving there, I don't know where this came from, but I just started praying going, please God,
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let this guy that I have to kiss, please let him be like a really effeminate gay dude.
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I don't know why like I wanted that.
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Like, oh, I hope he has blue eyes and we have a lot of him coming.
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Like I'm on a fucking blind date, you know?
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But I finally get to the set and they go, this is Patrick.
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And it's like looking in the fucking mirror.
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Dude.
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This dude is 6'5", 340 pounds, bald, huge beard, all tatted up.
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Like, he looks like an ax murderer, right?
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And he's straight, too. He was straight, too.
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So I go, I go, are you the dude I'm making out with?
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And he just goes, yep!
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Fucking easy, buddy. Jesus, take it down a notch.
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And then he says to me, he goes, hey, before we start, I should let you know, I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking,
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I've been drinking coffee all morning.
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I go, dude, you do realize, like, I'm not looking for sparks from this.
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Like, I'm really just trying to fucking get through this, right?
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So, so now we're about to film the scene.
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And here's a thing, it's like, I'm a comic, I'm not an actor, so in my head I'm like, well, what's a TV kiss?
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What does that mean? You know?
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Like, is it just that your lips touch or is it that your mouth is open to notes?
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I have no fucking idea.
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As I'm going through the scenarios, all of a sudden out of my ear, I just hear, action!
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And this fucking meat just grabs me, and I just go, and now he's fucking just right here.
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He's right here, taking up real estate, right?
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It's the first time I ever felt whiskers on my lips other than my own, really fucking uncomfortable guys.
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But I'll also tick a little bit at first.
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And what's happening in the scene is me and Patrick are like in the middle of this embrace.
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And then the blonde girl from Two Brokers, she walks in, and then we stop, and then they have dialogue, right?
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So, like, the first two takes is they're talking, I'm just kind of like watching them talk.
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I don't really know what I'm doing.
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So by the third take in my head, I'm like, okay, I'm on a major TV show now.
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I guess I'm an actor.
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I should act.
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So I was like, so what would I do, like, if I was gay, and this was like my boyfriend?
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So the third take is Patrick's talking, I just, like I just start rubbing his belly.
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I think I'd do that if I was gay, fuck, I don't know.
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I'm an affectionate guy, you know?
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The fourth take, I don't know where this came from, I just started doing circles around his nipple for some fucking reason.
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And then the director goes, cut, and Patrick goes, dude, what the fuck are you doing on my nipple man?
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That's not in the script.
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I was like, I don't know, man, I'm trying to act. I'm acting. I'm a method actor.
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Let me suck your dick, like, help me.
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Like, it helped me, man.
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But the whole cast and crew, unbelievably nice, so nice.
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They make you feel like you're the star of the show, or show, even if you're just making out with a bear.
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And it's a big thing, it's a weird thing to be your big Hollywood break.
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But if you want to see the episode we filmed this for, it's the series finale, you got to go like,
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10 minutes into the episode, and then just look for the part that doesn't fucking exist.
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They cut my goddamn scene!
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Fucking made out with a dude for nothing.
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I started thinking about it after, I was like, it sucks they cut that scene.
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But if I was to take one positive from the whole experience, like honestly,
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that was like the smoothest first kiss I've ever had with anybody, ever!
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Like Patrick took control, we knew.
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I started thinking about it afterwards, I was like, maybe that's what gay is.
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Maybe it's not so much a sexual thing. Maybe it's just so much easier with someone that's like you, you know?
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Like if those are my two options, option one over here, I have some front-by-guy named Bob that's Harry and he sweats for no reason,
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but he likes the red socks and video games.
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Or over here I have a hot 21-year-old blonde chick with huge tits and a nice ass, but,
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ugh, she talks.
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I don't know Bob, you got some nerve, let's fucking make it work.
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How fat do you have to be to sweat from talking?
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Jesus Christ, what a pig!
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I can light you on rotisserie.
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I also got a role in a horror movie, I don't even know what happened this.
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I don't know if this went straight to DVD or straight to the trash,
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but I got a role in a horror movie playing a demon statue in hell that comes to life and I swing an axe to the girl's head.
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Another big break, right?
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I go in for this makeup test, three hours I'm sitting in this chair, they put the statue makeup on my face,
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and the director and the producer, they look at me and they kind of whisper,
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and then the director goes, hey, so we were talking and we're thinking in the movie, we may have you go shirtless.
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I told the guy I was like, shirtless? I was like, dude, like, I don't even fuck shirtless.
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Fucking yuck. Oh, nice.
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Kill my own boner if I go shirtless, you know?
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That's the last thing a girl would ever want to see is just me on top of her huffing and puffing and sweating and my tits in between her.
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It's a fucking weird Newton's cradle, you know?
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I told the guys, this will definitely be a horror movie if you have me go shirtless.
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Fucking terrifying, you know?