Culture
You’re not “crazy” - why trusting your gut is SO powerful.
In this episode of 'Date Yourself Instead,' the host shares a personal reflection on the power of intuition and the importance of trusting your gut feelings. Through a chaotic birthday exper...
You’re not “crazy” - why trusting your gut is SO powerful.
Culture •
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Interactive Transcript
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Welcome to date yourself instead.
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Date yourself instead.
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What does it mean to date yourself instead?
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I'm just gonna learn how to love myself, and that's it.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Date yourself instead.
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I hope everyone had a lovely weekend.
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I'm sitting in the studio right now, and I have my vanilla latte.
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I'm hyped up on caffeine.
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I had some technical issues setting up the podcast this morning for some reason.
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Well, first of all, I left my SD card at home, so I couldn't transfer any of the files to my computer.
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If I recorded anything, I wouldn't have anything to back it up.
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And that was a whole mess in itself.
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So then I had to ask the studio if I could purchase an SD card, and that SD card wasn't formatting, and it wasn't working.
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And so I found someone else's card, and now I'm trying to figure this out so I can record this episode on their card, and then transfer the files and give them their card back.
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I don't really know what's going on this morning.
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I have a lot of glitches happening in the simulation today.
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So anyways, I had a wild fucking weekend between my 30th birthday.
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For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you probably saw the pictures.
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I was wearing an all-white outfit, a really sparkly white jumpsuit, which by the way, it was probably one of the most incredible things I've ever had the honor of wearing.
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And it was pouring raining all day.
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The sky was black.
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I live in New York City, and I had planned this outfit for a couple weeks now.
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The brand was so kind enough to gift me the jumpsuit.
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The brand is called Nadine Morabi, and I actually was googling the brand because I'm such a fan.
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I've been wearing their clothes for literally five years, and the owner and I have the same birthday.
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Like the designer of the brand and I are both born on January 19th.
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I thought that was pretty cool, and I believe that everything is connected, and I just thought it was really interesting that we both had the same birthday.
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But anyways, it was storming all night.
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On the night of my birthday.
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I had this white jumpsuit, white heels, and sorry if this is too much information, but I also got my period on the morning of my birthday.
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So there was just a lot of commotion and chaos going on all at the same time between it literally thunderstorming and me going crazy because my hormones were through the roof.
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I had been crying for a week straight prior to my birthday, and I thought there was something actually wrong with me.
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I was really scared.
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I was crying over everything.
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Like any TikTok, I would be scrolling on my phone at 12 o'clock at night trying to fall asleep, and then I would see a video of some animals or see a video of this really cute couple walking and holding hands on the beach.
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And I would just start bawling my eyes out for no fucking reason.
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And I didn't realize my period was coming, so that makes a whole lot of sense looking back.
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But I was unwell.
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So yeah, between that and it raining, I was terrified because this outfit is all white.
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Okay, and I didn't know what to do.
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I was like, do I wear this outfit?
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It's pretty risky.
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I don't want to get it dirty.
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So needless to say, I still decided to go through with it because I had nothing else to wear.
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And I was like folding up my pants and picking them up like a crazy person running down the streets of Manhattan in a thunderstorm and also trying to cover my hair at the same time because I got my hair done.
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And I was trying to cover my face because I had my makeup done.
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It was a chaotic shit show to be completely honest.
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And I jumped in the Uber and my white pants.
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The ends of them are soaked with dirty blacks, lushy, New York City mud, and trash from the New York streets.
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And I'm like leaping over puddles and heels in order to get to my birthday party.
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Overall, I made it just very interesting, crazy chaotic experience.
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But I did make it.
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I made it alive and I made it just in time.
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I made it 10 minutes before the party started.
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God, everything set up really quickly.
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And then luckily, everyone else was late because the weather was so bad.
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So I ended up being on time and everything worked out perfectly.
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The other thing is another crazy, insane moment that happened on the day of my birthday.
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So one of my best friends that I grew up with, we went to preschool together and we've been best friends ever since.
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She now lives in Arizona.
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So I don't really see her that often.
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I'm going to have her on the podcast soon because whenever I see her, it's always just the best time.
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She has the best energy.
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She's so fucking funny.
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I just laugh with her non-stop and I literally love her so much.
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And I think you guys would love her story and her background and all the crazy dating stories that she's been through.
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But this one really tops the cake.
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I don't want to spoil too much because I obviously, I want her to tell her story
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on the podcast eventually.
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But I'm going to just touch on it lightly because it really was truly just, it just shook me to my core.
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I was dressed up ready to go to my birthday party and my friend text me.
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And she had been dating a guy for about a year last year.
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And they broke up and they've been broken up for months now.
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But he was just doing the bare minimum from my perspective.
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I didn't know him that well.
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I had met him one time before.
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But he really wasn't giving too much to the relationship compared to what she was giving.
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She is such a good person.
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And I'm not just saying that because she's my best friend.
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She's just a ray of sunshine.
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She is so positive.
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She is so upbeat.
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Like when she walks in the room, she can make friends with anyone.
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She's just like so sweet.
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And I just want her to be happy, obviously.
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Because I care about her and I love her.
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And also she deserves that.
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She deserves the bare minimum treatment from a guy, clearly.
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But her boyfriend at the time, he was just not giving much.
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Like she would go to fly to see him.
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And she would like bend over backwards to try to make the relationship work all the time.
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But he was just very nonchalant about everything, very casual about everything.
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He just wasn't really putting in the type of energy that she wanted.
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And she was definitely putting in way more effort than he was overall.
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That's the short, really, really short spark notes summary of that whole situation.
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But she just found out on my birthday that he was speaking to other women while they were
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together the entire time and basically cheating on her emotionally.
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And she doesn't know any other details as far as like physically or anything.
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But he was definitely cheating on her throughout the entire relationship.
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And she just found this out now even though they've been broken up for months.
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And it kind of like reopened this whole conversation of the relationship and like
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her not getting enough out of the relationship and why all the pieces and all the puzzle pieces
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clicked together and finally made so much perfect sense.
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And I felt so bad for her.
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I was on the phone with her talking with her about everything.
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And it was just so fucked up and so crazy to hear that.
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Because she was doing so much and she was trying to analyze like kind of what went wrong
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in the relationship because as a human being when you are with someone you love and things don't
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go as planned and you end up ending things.
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Sometimes there's so many unanswered questions once you end things and you never speak to this
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person again and you don't see them anymore. And she just had a lot of unanswered questions.
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And now all those questions were answered.
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And she figured out everything and the truth was exposed.
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The truth came to light and I'm going to let her share her story eventually.
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But honestly I just I think 2023 and I don't know why I have this really crazy sense.
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But it's going to be the year of just bringing everything to light and bringing everyone
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into their highest power and exposing everything for what it actually is.
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I feel like it's one of those years where the truth is going to be revealed about so many
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different things. I don't know if that makes sense to people but for some reason it just feels
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like everything is like opening up more and everyone's getting really authentic and really honest
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and really transparent everywhere like all over and even on social media like everything I'm watching
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I'm consuming I'm seeing everyone's just becoming more real more open and more authentic
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and things are really just being brought to the surface.
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And it feels like some crazy, worldly awakening. But yeah, just this whole situation I was my
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mouth was dropped open. I was like about to go to my birthday party and then she's just telling
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me this insane shit that was going on that she found out that he was doing all these crazy
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things behind her back. And I guess I'm going to let her share her story in another episode and I
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told her she should definitely come on here if you guys are interested. Send me a message and we're
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going to get her on the podcast to share the full story because it is wild. And on top of all
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that we also just have so much to talk about about other dating stories we've been through together.
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We've known each other for so long and we've both been by each other's side through some of the
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craziest dating stories ever. Like I swear I don't think anything tops hers and it would just be
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really entertaining to talk about it in the open I guess. I don't know. We'll see how it goes but
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if you guys are interested in hearing more you could always send me a message on Instagram and
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we'll definitely have her on this year. So anyways welcome to this episode of date yourself instead.
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We're going to be discussing how trusting your gut and truly knowing yourself is the most
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powerful part of being a woman and a human being. Literally the biggest thing that I pride myself
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on is the fact that I have the strongest most powerful sense of intuition ever. Every time I get a
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gut feeling about something or someone or I'm in a situation where my gut just starts to feel a
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little off I'm always right. I can't explain it I can't justify it there's no true logic behind it
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it's just as if my body physically knows that something in the situation is either right or wrong.
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I also saw this TikTok recently which was really fascinating this woman was talking about how
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our gut has like 500 million neurons or something like that and that's why we can sense things in our
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gut. I don't know how true that that is I actually didn't google this myself and look up the
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scientific information on this. I just watched a TikTok that's where I get all my facts from
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that's probably not a reliable source of information at all but anyways that's what she said so
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I'm just going to go with it because I feel like it makes a ton of sense it really does regardless
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if that's necessarily a hundred percent accurate or not. It makes so much sense because I swear to
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you every time I feel something in my gut I'm always right and every time I don't listen to it and
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I ignore it with my logic I'm always so pissed at myself later on because I knew I was right in that
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moment but I couldn't logically explain it so then I would go with my head instead of my gut and
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the truth is using your intuition is so important it is so so important and I personally
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always go by my intuition versus logic now in everything that I do I always go with how I feel
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over the logic explanation behind it because some things are just not explainable in the moment
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and when we're in a relationship or in a situation where we feel like something's wrong
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but then we have our partner telling us or someone telling us oh you're crazy oh you know it's all
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in your head oh that's not true and they make you feel like you're wrong it's so easy to ignore
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that gut feeling and I've been through this on countless occasions with people that I've dated
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I have dated guys that have done pretty sketchy things to me and because I'm an open-hearted and warm
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and caring nice human being I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt I always try to
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see the good in everyone but when I feel like something's wrong and then I have this guy telling me
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it's all in your head your psychopath you're crazy you're making shit up I used to backtrack
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and then question everything that I was thinking and that's also gaslighting when someone makes you
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feel fucking crazy for having feelings and having emotions and feeling a certain way if they're
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saying things like that to you that is gaslighting but at the time when I was in these relationships
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I never really saw it as that because I was in love or I really cared about this person and I would
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justify everything that they were doing in order to make the relationship work and to stick
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around and make sure that we were still together it sounds a little silly looking back because I
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realized now that I deserved so much better and I deserve to be talked to with so much more
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respect than I had been spoken to with but it's mind-blowing how my gut always knew that something
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was wrong but I couldn't make sense of it there was no way it's approved logically that this person
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was lying to me this person was being unfaithful to me this person was doing things behind my back
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that they said that they weren't there was no real way to know other than the feeling that I had
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inside my body there was one time where I was dating a guy and for some reason when I was around
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him I would feel like I had to throw up I would feel sick to my stomach and this was like six months
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into the relationship so I never used to feel that way when I was with him in the beginning but as
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things progressed and as things got more serious I started getting weird energy around him like
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everything just felt super weird and uncomfortable around him he was more disconnected from the
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conversations he would always be looking around the room as I'm talking to him he would just be
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preoccupied in his head about something his energy felt very detached and removed after a certain
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point hit in the relationship where I think it was getting a little more serious and intimate and
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he started to pull away so in my head I'm like maybe he's just afraid of commitment maybe he just
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isn't sure if he wants to get super serious with me I shouldn't know that from month one obviously
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because he said he wanted an open casual situation but he was open to seeing where it went and those
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words really got me to hold on when he said I want to see where it goes because then I thought there
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was hope that maybe we would end up together that was my first huge mistake that I made just believing
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what he was saying usually when a guy says I want something casual that's exactly what he means
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and there's no changing that unless a fucking miracle happens I'm kidding I mean there's obviously
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been situations where it has changed but more oftentimes than not they're saying exactly how they
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feel men don't sugar coat things if a man wants to date you he's gonna date you if he doesn't he'll
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also tell you that and there's usually no changing his mind anyways so this person would say to me
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you know I don't know I like you but I'm not really looking for anything serious I'm not looking
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for a serious relationship I really care about you I care for you I like spending time with you
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he would say everything but I actually wanted to date you literally used every fucking line in the
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book and I still stuck around because I did enjoy spending time with him and I did like him and
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we had fun together long story short his energy shifted things felt a little awkward and weird
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and I just wasn't okay with how I was feeling internally I felt like I was going to puke every time
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I was around him because he didn't seem like he wanted to be there anymore and I confronted him
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about it because I also wanted to know where we stood where do we stand I don't want to be wasting
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my time for another six months hanging out with someone that doesn't have any interest in actually
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dating me and I did a feelings for him so I said straight up what's going on I need to know what we're
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doing and I was very direct and very upfront about how I felt because I liked him and he was like
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making me feel so stupid and making me feel so crazy and he started throwing all my words back
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in my face saying you know I told you this is what I wanted from the beginning and you're crazy if
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you think I wanted anything else and he started just making me feel absolutely terrible about even
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bringing up the conversation in the first place so that was a little weird actually that was very
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weird that was a huge red flag and an indicator that this person was not it and not the right person
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for me but me trying to give him the benefit of the doubt still wanted to continue what we were doing
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and for some fucking weird ass reason I was the one who ended up apologizing in that conversation
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because he was like basically saying to me I was honest with you the whole time I never led you on
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blah blah blah blah blah blah so I was like oh you're right you're right I know it's okay don't
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worry about it let's just have fun and enjoy the night I was like apologizing to him cringing this
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embarrassing but honestly it happens okay I've been in these situations and I know a lot of other
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people have been in these situations so this is my experience I'm here to share my experiences so
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I can tell you what I've learned from them and also tell you what not to do because this is
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something you should never do if someone's telling you straight up that you're crazy for feeling
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a certain way they're not a good person I'm sorry to say but they're really not or there are
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situations where people do gaslight each other and they're not really aware of what they're doing
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that's totally different but you can call each other out and work on it together if it was a healthy
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relationship and it happens because people fight and people you know say certain things that sometimes
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need to be worked on and improved on totally understandable but in this situation it was not like that
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he was trying to make me feel crazy trying to get under my skin to make me feel stupid forever
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feeling the way that I felt so we're going back and forth a little bit longer we keep seeing each
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other but things just keep getting worse and I just felt like every time I was with him it was
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almost a burden to him at that point and I don't know why he kept meeting up with me so I basically
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just said to him listen I really enjoy spending time with you but I just don't know if I'm comfortable
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doing this anymore I really don't think I am and he proceeded to tell me that he was going on a
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work trip with a girlfriend and that's where it just for some reason something switched in my brain
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after that moment because he kind of told me like listen I want things to be casual oh by the way
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I'm also going on a work trip with a woman and I just lost it we were sitting in dinner and I was
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really drunk and this is the other thing I don't really drink alcohol I mentioned this in a
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previous episode I'm not big on drinking because you kind of lose control if you get too deep into
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your drinks okay if you have one drink it's fine but then it leads into another and then it could
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lead into another and then you go from zero to 60 and you're basically holding on to the fucking
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bar table for dear life because you're gonna fall over because you're so drunk and I just hate that
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feeling where you feel like the room is spinning and you don't know what the fuck you're saying
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and everything is just butterflies and rainbows because you don't give a shit and all your instincts
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are out the window I don't know you get the point being drunk is just you feel like you've lost control
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and you can't really function so I don't really drink for those reasons I like being in control I
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like knowing what I have to say I'm very direct I'm very open and when I'm drunk I tend to lose
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sight of that so I was really drunk and I was trying to focus on what he was saying but I was also
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my head was just spinning because he was basically telling me he was going on a work trip with another
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woman and it freaked me out and I was panicking internally and like about to start crying and I just
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got a bad bad feeling in my gut my gut and my body and everything was just telling me you have to
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leave like you cannot see this person anymore this guy is probably having sex with other people
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and his coworker whatever whoever he's going on this trip with I just didn't know for sure what
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was going on and it felt like he didn't give a fuck about my feelings anymore I could be wrong I
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don't really know what was going on in his head I don't know him that well I haven't spoken to
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this guy in years I just remember the way that I felt was signaling to me like you need to get out
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of this situation because it's not safe for you and it's not healthy it's not healthy for you
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so my god I almost just spilled my coffee all over the table because I'm like
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animating this whole episode with my hands I'm getting really into this story right now okay so
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I hope this is entertaining so far if I'm rambling and being annoying and you want to turn this off
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go ahead but I literally was losing my cool and I was like shaking at this point and my body
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was telling me which is my gut intuition just saying like he's lying or something is off here okay
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he's not telling you the full truth or the full picture and he doesn't want to date you so what the
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fuck are you doing sitting here with him having a glass of wine so long story short I've said that
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like three times but really long story short we go back to his apartment because he lived nearby and
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I was just having an internal panic attack and it was already really late at night I didn't really
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want to take an Uber home so late I just wasn't up for leaving but I also didn't want to stay so I was
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just like going through all the emotions in my head and I felt like I couldn't tell him how I felt
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it just the words wouldn't come out because I was afraid that he would just start screaming at me
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or something I just felt like it was a bomb ticking and like waiting to go off if I were to say
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anything in that moment so what I ended up doing was pretending to go to sleep and then when he was
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asleep I ended up getting up and leaving and going home I took an Uber home at like two or three in
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the morning I just couldn't deal with the conversation and I also had such bad anxiety and I couldn't
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deal with how I felt and I also didn't know what he was doing I couldn't prove anything if I had
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said to him oh are you you know sleeping with your coworker are you going away with her and having
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sex with her if I had started accusing him of things like that he would have found a way to make me
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feel so dumb for even considering that option he would have said are you fucking crazy he would have
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blown up in my face and said something like that or he would have held it against me later it was
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just the type of person that he was and I was afraid to express how I felt because with the right
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person you you'll never feel this way I've learned that from being in a healthy relationship
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if you're feeling a certain way and you bring it up to your partner and you're throwing it back in
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your face and making you feel so stupid they're not the right person for you for me this person
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clearly wasn't right and I was terrified to express how I felt about him so I left I went
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home ended up in my own bed slept in my own bed actually had a very peaceful sleep my anxiety went
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away I felt totally fine and stable the next morning he texted me extremely confused where did you
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go what happened why did you leave and he was getting mad at me for leaving and not waking him up
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and saying goodbye but I knew that there was a bigger issue at hand regardless of if he was mad at
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me for leaving you know walking out the door running out the door and going home and not saying
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a word to him I knew I had to take care of myself first in that moment I knew I had to trust my intuition
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and trust myself and just leave this all in the past and leave it all behind because I was making
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myself so physically sick and my gut was screaming at me this is not right for you this is really
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really bad and if you continue down this path you're gonna get even more hurt you're gonna get
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extremely hurt so that's a pretty extreme example but it is a big example of like trusting your
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gut and trusting your intuition because after that everything fell apart really quickly everything
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crumbled and he didn't give a fuck he barely spoke to me again after that moment everything just got
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super weird and the relationship fell apart super fast he made zero effort to make anything work
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with me he also didn't consider where I was coming from he made it all about himself just saying like
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you got weird you ran out on me and I was like I'm dealing with anxiety and panic attacks and I
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couldn't sleep I was trying to explain to him what happened after and he was just not hearing it
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and I realized that the right person if that were to happen with literally anyone else that had
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genuine respect for me they would have said something like are you okay can I do anything for you
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I didn't realize like you had problems with anxiety like someone with compassion and true empathy
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probably would have taken that approach but this guy was so mad at me just screaming at me telling me
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like why did you leave blah blah blah and like making it as if I was this horrible person for just
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trusting my intuition meanwhile he went on the trip never heard from him all weekend it was just
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super weird and regardless of his side of the story maybe he has his own version maybe he thinks
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I'm a crazy person and you know I'm a clingy psychopath I don't know all I know is that I needed
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to take care of myself in that moment and I needed a trust what was right for me so I am just
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really big on listening to my intuition knowing what feels good and what does and if something feels
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extremely off to the point where your stomach is churning and you feel like you're gonna puke
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you're usually not feeling that way for no reason or maybe I should say that differently because
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that sounded really confusing you are feeling that way for a reason you are smarter then you think
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sometimes we get so in our heads about if we're crazy or not because other people are telling us
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that we're fucking crazy but our intuition always knows it's an unspoken accuracy radar like it knows
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shit that we don't logically and it's so fascinating and it's so wild to me and for the most part I
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would say I've had a 99% success rate with my gut intuition being accurate there's been a few
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instances where I've actually gone a little crazy and I was wrong I will admit I thought I caught
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someone red handed cheating on me once and I like messaged the girl because I thought I saw
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something that wasn't what I thought it was and this girl messages me straight up and she's like
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I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about and I was like sorry wrong person my bad like I
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probably shouldn't have done that but honestly the person that I you know had these trust issues
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with handled it with so much respect he was so nice about it and he didn't even question that I
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had done that he just listened to me and heard me out yes was it a little weird and uncomfortable
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because I was wrong yes but he was so nice about it and he we talked through it and it was also
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someone I was dating so it wasn't that big of a deal in the long term and then we uncovered why I
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had these trust issues and why I've been hurt before and like all these things that had led me to
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believe that I was being cheated on and he completely understood and understood where I was coming from
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long story short I'm sorry I keep saying that along okay I don't even know like another expression
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like I don't know what else to say and replace a long story short to make this story snappy
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I guess okay that's I'm so awkward whatever you get the point the right person will never make you
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feel stupid for trusting your gut and your intuition they'll never make you feel crazy for trusting
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who you are and they'll validate your emotions and your feelings if you're ever feeling insecure
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if you're ever feeling jealous if you're ever feeling upset there is such thing as working on
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these issues without getting mad at each other and without gaslighting each other there are so many
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ways to communicate and go about creating a healthy dynamic between two people and that's something I've
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had to learn the hard way because I was with a lot of people who never wanted to work through things
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with me in a very healthy communicative way I was always with people that would make me feel terrible
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if I ever said how I felt I will say my first boyfriend who I dated on and off for eight years but
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the first solid four years we were together he was a really good boyfriend he was a really good
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partner and for as young as we were it was impressive how mature he was in the relationship and how
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he handled certain things and handled my emotions I think it's also because he came from a family
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of therapists which is probably helpful but he was so good about emotions and he would talk to me
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about anything that I was going through and vice versa and we were super open with our emotions
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with each other and we were so young too so obviously there's a factor in there where we were
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each others first love it was both our first series relationship and we were still learning and
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all this stuff but like there's a lot of people who don't know how to deal with emotions and this
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goes for both ends it goes for men and women and that is so important when you're in a relationship
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with someone or even in a situation ship or a friendship or anything dealing with emotions
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and understanding that you don't have to get at each other and try to rip each other apart and
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make each other feel stupid for expressing how you feel is a key part of having a healthy
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relationship and when you find someone that actually lets you have those issues out in the open
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for example if I get a little jealous and I express that to my partner and they don't shut me
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down and tell me how stupid I am for feeling that way that's a sign of a healthy relationship
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because then you can work on it and work on yourself and you can grow together as people
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because everyone has their flaws and everyone has their things and has their issues we're all human
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none of us are perfect I have jealousy issues in my relationships I've had it before
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and it comes from a lack of feeling like I'm not enough sometimes for my partner because
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maybe you know I grew up a certain way there was environmental factors in the way that I
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psychologically developed I don't fucking know I've done a lot of therapy I've done a lot of
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inner work everyone has their reasons and I've definitely gotten so much better with these
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issues over the years and I've learned how to love myself so much that these issues don't come
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up as much anymore but there's been times where you know a girl has hit on my boyfriend and I'm like
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you're gonna answer that message or like it's just kind of like this little pain of jealousy
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sometimes that I get and it's like my insecurities come up to the surface again and instead of running
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away from them and saying oh why am I like this why am I jealous I'm so embarrassed that I'm this way
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it's better when you have a partner that supports it and understands it and then you could work
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through it together and improve it so eventually it doesn't bother you anymore and eventually
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you become a different person because you're learning how to trust and change parts of yourself
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in a healthy way and sometimes it doesn't happen overnight working on yourself is work and
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working on yourself does take time so if you're insecure you're feeling jealous with a partner and
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it happens multiple times you don't have to beat yourself up over that because you're
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capable of learning how to change that but sometimes it will take time because you're
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unlearning certain behaviors and you're unlearning certain patterns that you grew up with okay so like
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I get a lot of messages actually on Instagram DM about jealousy issues and about your partner
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having the fear of your partner abandoning you and having the fear of your partner leaving you
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for someone else because it's so easily accessible nowadays to go on a dating app and swipe and to go
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on Instagram and find a pretty girl and message them but the truth is it's okay to feel this way
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sometimes because we live in a world where everything is very easily accessible and it's normal to
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have insecurities and fears and when you're vulnerable with a person and you're really in love with
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them and you really care for them these feelings often tend to come up because you want this person
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all to yourself there's nothing wrong with that but it's just about having someone that supports
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those fears and works with you on them that's the point I'm trying to make you should never feel
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terrible about yourself just because you have certain feelings and emotions and if your partner
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understands that and loves you and respects you they're gonna want to work on you with it like
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they're gonna want to work with you on those things and you should never feel like you're doing
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something wrong just because you feel a certain way so I feel like that concludes today's episode
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I think we covered so much and honestly I hope that was helpful all the stories that I share I hope
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you could take bits and pieces of what I say and apply it to something that you've been through
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or something that you've gone through in the past and I hope it helps and it resonates with you
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thank you so much as always for listening if you haven't already be sure to rate the podcast
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on Spotify and Apple Podcasts it would mean so much to me I did mention that I'm gonna be having
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guests on this year and I promise that's coming in the spring and I'm very excited about it
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if you have any other topic requests you want to talk about you want to share with me if you want
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to hear something specific on the podcast you could always message me on Instagram also my handle
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is at list LYSS and the podcast handle is at date yourself instead thank you again I love you guys
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thanks so much for listening and stay tuned for next Monday