Culture
Dealbreakers, Dating Rules & Why First Dates Should ONLY Be On Thursdays with Eli Rallo
In this episode of 'Relationship,' host Cammy Crawford welcomes back author and content creator Eli Rallo to discuss dating dealbreakers, essential dating rules, and why first dates should o...
Dealbreakers, Dating Rules & Why First Dates Should ONLY Be On Thursdays with Eli Rallo
Culture •
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Interactive Transcript
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Relationships are hard and that's why I'm here.
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Hey friend, it's Cammy Crawford.
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I'm a TV host, producer and model living in Los Angeles,
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but you may know me from my work on MTV's Catfish.
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Welcome to my show, Relationship.
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The advice podcast that covers all relationship topics,
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the good, the bad, and the straight-up shitty.
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Think of me as your big sister that you can always trust to give you the real team.
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Need advice?
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Send your story to helloatrelationshippod.com
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or DM me at Relationship on IG and tune in for new episodes every Friday.
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Talk soon, Bestie.
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Happy Friday, Besties!
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Where do I even fucking begin?
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Let's start with the fact that it is currently 2.24am on Thursday, October 2nd.
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How is it October?
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No clue.
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I am surrounded by moving boxes.
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My eyes are heavy.
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My spirit is low because my fiance,
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a spirit is high, a spirit is high.
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I'll get to that.
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We are packing up our New York apartment to head into storage.
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Roadway is doing the entire thing.
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Thank God they're coming early AF in the morning.
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Moving all of our stuff into storage and then we're basically going to be air being
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trying to figure out our lives until we head to LA.
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There's so much going on.
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I have something really exciting next week that I can't wait to reveal.
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But not yet.
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I have to keep it low.
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Keep it in because this is a big fucking deal.
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It's a big fucking deal, but I can't share.
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What I can't share is that today's episode is with a guest who's another big fucking
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deal.
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Eli Rallo, you know her.
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You love her.
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She's been on the pod before.
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She is a creator and she is an author.
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She just came out with a new book.
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Last time she was here, we were talking about her last book.
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I didn't know I needed this.
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This time we're talking about her new book.
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Does anyone else feel this way that is coming out on October 14th?
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So make sure that you are ready to pick that up because I just love Eli.
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I love her advice.
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I think that she is just filled with so much wisdom and she's really fucking sweet.
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And I love that.
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I love her.
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She's a cancer.
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I'm a fan.
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We're going to be doing all the girl chat.
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But before we get into that, we have to talk about the relationship show of the week.
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Y'all, I don't know how we ended up with back to back weeks where I and the relationship
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show of the week.
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But I'm sorry.
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This has been the greatest week of my entire life.
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And I'm not putting that lightly.
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If you missed it, I don't know where you been.
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Where the fuck have you been?
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If you're not honest, the ground where the fuck are you at?
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But your girl is literally off the market.
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I got engaged.
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What?
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Last Saturday, my, I keep saying boyfriend.
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It's a habit.
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It's a habit of two and a half almost three years.
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I'm trying to break it.
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My fiance.
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My now fiance.
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Proposed.
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And it was the proposal of my absolute dreams.
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I'm going to do an entire episode about it.
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I absolutely promise.
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But with the help of my beautiful, lovely sisters who know exactly what I want, he planned
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my dream proposal.
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And I literally could not be happier.
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I despite how exhausted I sound.
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And literally, I'm talking into the mic with my eyes closed right now because it's
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2.30 in the morning and I'm delirious.
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I, I, I'm the happiest.
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I think I've ever been in my life.
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I, and what's crazy is that like I get to have more days like this.
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Like more weeks like this.
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Like that what?
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Like we're just going to keep like living life together and doing incredible things.
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And I'm just going to keep feeling this way.
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Oh, it's just amazing.
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My ring is perfect.
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My man is perfect.
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My life is perfect.
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That's I feel right now.
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Although I did just get my period today.
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Like literally as I'm packing, I'm like, could you, is this a joke?
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Is this a joke?
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It's got to be.
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But whatever.
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There's a lot of goodness.
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So I guess what God gave it the take of the way.
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Anyway, I'm exhausted.
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My fiance has told me it's time to take a little nap before we have to be up bright
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and fucking early to go back to home depot because we didn't get enough boxes.
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You know, it's just life happens.
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Thank you guys for all of your support.
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Thank you for all of your love.
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Thank you for everyone who has just like celebrated this moment in our lives.
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It's so funny.
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Everyone is saying, yeah, you got engaged, but like we got engaged.
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This is all of us got engaged.
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This is a collective.
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This is a collective proposal.
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And I'm just I'm beyond today's the only day that I think I haven't cried.
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But it's only been because I've been packing nonstop and listening to Kamala Harris's
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one hundred and seven days memoir.
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Other than that, probably going to cry tomorrow when I wake up and I've been crying every
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second that I spend staring at my ring because what the fuck?
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It's not just a boulder.
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It's a rock.
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Anyways, y'all, I'm going to take my sleepy ass to bed.
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But I just love you all.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for writing this way for me.
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And for the people who are like, is this mean the podcast is still going to exist?
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Does this mean that relationship is still going to happen?
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Which duh.
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Hello?
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What?
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You thought that me getting engaged meant like, oh, no more relationship.
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No relationship still happens regardless whether or not you're engaged.
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Regardless of how happy you are, relationship still happens.
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And it doesn't just have to be in your romantic partnerships.
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It could be anywhere.
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That's why I did this.
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That's why I started this podcast is to talk about all the relationships in your life.
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Because sometimes you're not in a romantic one.
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Sometimes your romantic relationship is not the most pressing at the moment if at all.
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So we got to talk about it all.
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That's why I'm here.
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Remember?
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Hello?
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Anyway.
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Goodbye.
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Because I'm going to it.
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But before that, let's get into today's episode.
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Hello, hello.
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Welcome back to the podcast.
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It's your girl, Kami Crawford.
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And today she returns our literary queen of the universe, content creator and author of
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the book.
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I didn't know I needed this.
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And the new book does anyone else feel this way?
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Eli Rallo.
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Welcome back to the show.
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Hello.
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I missed you.
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I missed you.
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But I also don't have to because you crank out so much fucking content.
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I'm like, always posting.
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So you're like, don't have to miss it.
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Every day I open up the TikTok app.
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Boom.
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Eli, she's got a list.
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She's got like, you have so many great thoughts and amazing takes.
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Thank you.
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I just fucking love that about you.
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Thank you.
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She know what it is.
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I don't know if you're like this, but I'm very much so when I set a precedent, I feel
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as though I can't roll it back.
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And that's probably something I should discuss in therapy.
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But because I started TikTok when I was like 21 and like just graduate from college and
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had all this free time to just like, spew all day.
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That now I feel that I've set this expectation that when my followers and my community are
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like at the end of the day, I like to watch your content like like a TV show.
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Like I have that in my mind that they're going to do that.
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So I'm like, there needs three, five videos.
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And I don't necessarily wake up like there has to be five videos, but it just, it's a routine
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now.
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And everyone is always like, will you ever roll back?
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And I'm like, only if I get overwhelmed right now.
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I'm fine.
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But it's definitely a pressure I put on myself.
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So whenever someone says that, I'm like, no, I know.
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Yeah, no, but understandably so.
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And I feel like you've even inspired me, although I haven't kicked it into gear yet.
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But like just of setting up the phone and saying the thing, yeah, it doesn't have to be like
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a perfect backdrop.
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It doesn't have to be like you making your strawberry milk, whatever you're making.
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I'm like, yes.
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Like I just, I love watching it because it's just so natural.
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It feels like I'm dropping in on like a girlfriend and we're like on FaceTime.
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We're just chatting.
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I love that.
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I think that's the beauty of TikTok.
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I think that's why so many people take to it and why so many people like it.
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And obviously it has its fair share of issues.
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Like the algorithm is deeply unfair and very micro aggressive and does prioritize privilege
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in all forms.
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Yeah.
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But it is the first time that you don't have to be perfectly tailored and curated and
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aesthetic to make it on the internet.
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Yes.
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And I think that's something to be said.
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Yeah.
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All of the freaks and geeks and weirdos from high school make it on TikTok.
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And that just brings me so much joy.
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I love because I love them.
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I love them.
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I love them.
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And my mom would always be like the weird kids are going to show up to the high school reunion
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and be the hot ones and the hot kids are going to show up to the high school reunion and
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be the bald ones.
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Yes.
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And that's true.
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And it's true.
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I think two people forget.
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I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but I think it's so interesting
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and funny.
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Like I didn't have a huge theater background at school.
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I know you did.
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In middle school, I did high school.
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I really wanted to keep her soon, but I became a cheerleader instead, which kind of similar
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though, in a way, it's a performance.
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It is a performance, but you're hot.
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It's the right of the difference.
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But still, the theater kids grew up to be the actors and like 100% people that everyone's
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seeking after.
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And like, I think it's so interesting how like when you watch interviews of hot actors,
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like Timothy Schaume or like Jacob Lorty, people are like, oh, wow.
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Like, they're so like thoughtful, but also a little awkward.
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And it's like, yeah, because they were the kids that you ignored in high school.
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They were the drama club kids, even though they were hot then.
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Yes.
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They just became even hotter now.
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They just became even hotter.
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People love theater people.
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And I really do think that corporate America loves theater people as well, because like we're
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collaborative, chatty.
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We usually have good ideas, energized, creative.
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All those things are such underrated traits.
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People always think theater is such a throwaway degree to pursue and I'm like, no, seriously.
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It makes you sort of like so palatable to so many industries.
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People really delight over theater people, but it's so crazy because you're right.
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Like we were ignored fundamentally.
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Yeah.
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It's always like out of the theater kids, like the theater hallway.
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Like, do you know what they're cooking up in there?
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It's literally Timmy Chalamet.
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Like, you know what they're creating in that hallway?
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You have no idea what they're up to.
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You are amazing.
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The stars of the future.
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Like the next Jacob Lorty is at your high school getting bullied right now.
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Literally.
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And imagine that.
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They're not going to be you.
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You could have been with them.
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And if you had just let yourself lean into the cringe, it could have been you, but you
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won't.
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Yep, but you won't.
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But you won't.
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So sad.
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I need to ask you, are you okay?
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You just came back from your Bachelorette like throw down.
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I'm like, how is she?
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I, of course, this is what I'm saying.
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Parasocial relationship.
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Fully, I'm like watching every single thing that you're doing.
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I'm like, she's having a 500 part Bachelorette series weekend.
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And then she's going to come yap on the pod.
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How are you alive?
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I was just texting my manager like right after all my friends left yesterday.
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I opened my laptop and text my manager and she was like, oh my god, she's back.
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Like, how are you?
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Well, these things.
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And I was like, I really told myself I need to get through the Bachelorette and then
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we're going to deal with everything else.
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The problem with doing that is then the thing ends and you have to deal with everything
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else.
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Yes.
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But I'm very much so this whole year.
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I've been like, I need to just take my brain out of my head and take things one day
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at a time because I'm so like big picture and let me analyze everything.
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So I've really just been like one day at a time.
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You're just saying we up like literally 25 podcasts this week.
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So many things to do, but I'm just trying to be grateful for each conversation each
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moment.
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And my manager reminded me the other day.
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She was like, I get that you're stressed out and that's so valid.
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But 10 years ago you would be for wreaking out like you literally have everything you've
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ever wanted.
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You need to shut the fuck up.
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And I was like, you know what?
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That's such a good shout.
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I'm going to shut up.
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So I'm just trying to be grateful and happy.
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And I love to talk.
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So and all my friends love to talk.
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So I wasn't even talking that much.
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Like I was surrounded by like A1 Yappers all weekend.
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I love that though.
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I love that.
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I feel so connected to your wedding content because I feel like, well, I'm going to
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you tell me do you think that you're going to reach like Bridesil a status or do you feel
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like you properly planned because your wedding's not until June, June of next year.
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Yes, there's so many reasons why I'm going to say no.
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I mean, the first thing is that like my mom is taking the bulk of planning.
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So I could see us having mom Zilla before Bridesil and that would be warranted.
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Like, she's allowed.
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Yes.
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Because she's really, she's losing sleep in a way that I am not.
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And you know, that is thank God for her because she's like, you need to focus on the
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book and work and everything.
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And like we're going to do this wedding and it's going to be fine.
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Yeah.
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So that's great.
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But the other thing is like I continuously remind myself how lucky I am to just like be
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having a wedding at all.
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Like weddings are so expensive.
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A lot of people have family issues that prevent them from getting to really live in their
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moment.
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Like for us, both to have supportive loving families who want to help physically, financially,
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emotionally, all those things like massive privilege.
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So it's just to me not something to complain about.
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Other people when they have like, you know, separated parents where I've lost someone
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really close to them, like the complaints are so warranted and valid.
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And I get that.
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But for me, when I reflect on it, I'm like, this is just pure luck and pure privilege.
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I have so much gratitude for this.
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I cannot complain about it.
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There's no complaints.
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Wow.
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So I'm very much so there.
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And also, oh, yeah, I'm such a cancer.
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You're Scorpio, right?
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Yeah.
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I knew that about you.
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I love Scorpio.
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I mean, my man is Scorpio, but Scorpio women are always going to be my favorite because
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they'll get a little sensitive, a little emotional.
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And then they'll be like, stand back.
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Don't come here.
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Don't look at me.
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We snap right in.
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Like they snap right in and they fight for the people they care about.
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Like if somebody messes with a Scorpio themselves, they kind of are like, whatever.
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If someone messes with someone a Scorpio woman love is it?
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It's like full immediate beast mode.
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Like I literally love it.
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One of my best friends is a Scorpio.
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And I'm like, that woman will literally kill someone for me.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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She'd murder someone.
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And anyone adjacent to you.
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Yeah, literally.
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She would just start a full murder.
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It does seem like you could be if we're out together and your friend is there and somebody
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starts shit with your friend, I'm coming for that.
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You're going to kill them.
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I'm coming for that.
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You're going to be like, don't mess with them.
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Always.
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It's the best.
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I love water signs.
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I'm very much in your water sign.
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I think the best.
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I think when I think of signs that I have trouble with.
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Yeah.
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It's never going to be a Pisces Scorpio cancer.
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No, no, no, no.
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And also the earth signs they love.
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I'm like, I do so demure.
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But you have earth in your big three now.
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No, I'm cancer son Moon Mars Venus, like all cancers.
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And then I have a sad rising in a Leo Mercury.
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So there's fire, which I think it definitely shows.
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Yeah, no, no, the fire is necessary.
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But air, I just don't understand them because it's not in my chart anywhere.
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I'm just like, okay, that's a choice.
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Yeah.
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I love you guys, but that's a choice.
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And then the other one I do struggle at tiny bit with is Aries.
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I love Aries, but I was raised by an Aries.
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Okay, so you got that.
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So I and my man's an Aries, my sisters and Aries.
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Oh, guys, so you got no how to tame Aries energy.
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I think for me, it's just I can't anticipate what they're going to do.
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You can't.
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And I'm a bit of a control freak.
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So I'm like, okay, whoa, like we're doing that.
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Could never have predicted that that's where we were going today.
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But I love it.
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They're not going to be the sign that I'm like, I dislike them.
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I'm just like, you can never expect.
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Like whatever's going to come out of their mouth, whatever choices they're going to make.
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It's just their way or no way.
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Yeah.
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I think this sign I struggled with the ones that I can't pinpoint out of a lineup and
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be like, you're the is Capricorn.
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Yeah, they're kind of sneaky though.
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They're very like under the radar because they're getting to the money.
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They don't have time.
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They don't have time for like any chit chats.
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And I'm like, well, why not?
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Yeah, and it's like, why not?
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That's all I want to do.
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Like I want to talk.
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Do you want to get up with me?
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Yeah.
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What are you guys talking about?
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Yeah, they're not.
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They're busy.
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Yeah, they're busy on their top.
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Yeah, they're not super warm and fuzzy.
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Yes.
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Which I like a warm and fuzzy person.
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I like warm and fuzzy.
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I think the water signs it like we need a little comfort.
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We need someone to be like there for us.
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Yeah.
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Which is why I like Virgo.
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I like tourists.
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I love Virgo.
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I love a Leo.
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Leo's, I think how you feel about areas is how I feel about Leo's.
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You're like, what the hell are you doing?
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I'm like, something's about to go down.
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The Leo is at the home of it.
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Yeah.
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How do I get away from it?
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Yeah, because they're always going to create a mess of their own making.
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Yes.
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And then they love to be like, whoops.
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And it's like guys.
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But did you have fun?
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Yeah, no, they're a good time though.
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I think that's why I like to have them around.
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That's true.
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That's true.
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They do have some some redeeming quality.
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Some redeeming quality.
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The Leo's are like, fuck you, get me.
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Yeah.
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Now I love you.
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From a distance.
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From over here.
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Let's talk about the last time that I saw you was in 2023.
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Yes.
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You and your man had been together for two years at that point.
spk_0
spk_0
Now we're having this wedding.
spk_0
You have built your platform, your career on making these rulebooks that are not strict
spk_0
guidelines of what you must follow.
spk_0
But just like fun silly things that you can do to make yourself feel better in a situation.
spk_0
The last time you came on, we talked about your rules for dating.
spk_0
Like in your early 20s, just like how to feel good before going on a first date.
spk_0
Have your rules changed now that you are a feel say and like a bride to be.
spk_0
Like has there been any eye opening moments where you're like, actually, I don't feel that way anymore.
spk_0
You know, I think that one thing that I've realized that I was like unintentionally doing.
spk_0
And maybe not like putting into the rules necessarily was that I and I feel like you'll relate to this.
spk_0
I am very like in general cautious with men and very like I don't like them.
spk_0
I'm very hyper aware.
spk_0
I'm very kind of like and I find that women who behave that way get the best men.
spk_0
And it is more difficult to find a man when you're going to be like, fuck all men.
spk_0
But the man you will find is going to respect you and also be like, you are the star.
spk_0
You are the prize.
spk_0
And I would so much rather that than just like some guy.
spk_0
So I think the biggest thing that's shifted that I was always doing, but never like put words to is that I'm just not.
spk_0
I will never take shit from anybody and my standards are my standards and the way I feel is how I feel.
spk_0
And I would so so much rather be single and happy with those standards.
spk_0
Then with some guy just to be with some guy.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Fully and I have noticed and I've talked about this on TikTok that women who don't decent or men.
spk_0
Women who are very male centric.
spk_0
They really have trouble with women who have decent or men who then get a man.
spk_0
Like you have a man.
spk_0
I have a man.
spk_0
They have true appwala.
spk_0
Drew appwala literally final boss.
spk_0
They have a problem with that because they thought in their mind the only way to like get engaged get married.
spk_0
Have this like American nuclear family or whatever the hell they want is to center men and cater to men and be like the perfect woman for men.
spk_0
So when they see a woman like Drew.
spk_0
She's the perfect example.
spk_0
Honestly and shining star.
spk_0
I love her.
spk_0
When they see a woman like that.
spk_0
Just be completely and totally herself and be like fuck all men and then get the thing that they thought that only they could get behaving how they behave.
spk_0
They're very troubled by it.
spk_0
And it's something I did not expect to feel.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like it's just an undertone of snarkiness and you're like, oh, but also like girl like I don't envy your life and how you chose to do it.
spk_0
So why are you going to come for mine?
spk_0
Like do you and be happy like that?
spk_0
That's not me.
spk_0
I don't want that.
spk_0
I don't want your man.
spk_0
He's safe.
spk_0
He's so safe.
spk_0
He's so safe.
spk_0
No one wants your man, girl.
spk_0
Like literally no worry.
spk_0
It's so funny because my man will be like sitting around me and my sisters or me talking to my friends and I'll be like,
spk_0
he's my name shit.
spk_0
Like fuck all.
spk_0
He's man and he'll be like true.
spk_0
Like they're not shit.
spk_0
It's true.
spk_0
He's never going to be like, well, because the ones who are not the world, what about me?
spk_0
They don't have to say that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
No, they don't have to say that they're not putting words to it.
spk_0
They're so secure.
spk_0
Someone asked me the other day they were like, how do I trust men again?
spk_0
And I was like, I don't trust men as a collective.
spk_0
I trust my man.
spk_0
And I find that women who behave like that get the best men.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Because there are men and again, it is harder.
spk_0
I'm not saying it's not easy.
spk_0
Like I'm not saying it's completely simple to find this.
spk_0
It's harder.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But again, like I would rather have my guy or no guy.
spk_0
I don't want just like some dude just to have him.
spk_0
And I think that the idea is you don't have to trust all men.
spk_0
Correct.
spk_0
If you want a man, if you're a straight woman that wants to date, like you can open your heart and there will be good guys.
spk_0
They're out there.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But I think you have to kind of change your tune a little bit.
spk_0
Because you'll just weed them out.
spk_0
You'll weed out the bad ones.
spk_0
I think so much easier.
spk_0
My man is the only man that I've ever fully trusted.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like 100%.
spk_0
I just, I feel like I can give my heart to him and he's going to handle it with care.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
I'm pretty much like always traveling.
spk_0
My man and I are kind of a part for weeks at a time.
spk_0
And people are always like, how do you know he's not cheating on you?
spk_0
And I'm like, he's just not like I just know for a fact.
spk_0
If you knew this man and what he's up to in his free time, no, if you knew this man,
spk_0
first of all, this man is not going to cheat up.
spk_0
I don't know how to put it to you.
spk_0
I'm just, I'm very aware that he's not.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
I don't know.
spk_0
I don't know what you need more than that.
spk_0
It's just not.
spk_0
There's a good way to know if you should be afraid or not.
spk_0
Someone asked me recently, what does your man's for you, page look like?
spk_0
And I was like, well, it's all like Indian street food vendors and like dog videos.
spk_0
Like that's his whole.
spk_0
That's his whole for you.
spk_0
Mine is like, I really need to go to a crawfish boil.
spk_0
I'm like, why is like my whole for you is crawfish boils and I'm starving.
spk_0
And I'm like, you're safe.
spk_0
Perfect.
spk_0
We are so safe.
spk_0
So good.
spk_0
And she was like, well, my boyfriends is like all like big titty bitches and like,
spk_0
ass.
spk_0
And I was like, well, because like, well, you've just serving you things you watch.
spk_0
He didn't just go on TikTok and it was there.
spk_0
Correct.
spk_0
And to be fair, when I first met my boyfriend, he had way more big titty bitches on the page
spk_0
than he has maybe if he's scrolling one.
spk_0
My girl come up.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But it's not like what it was before.
spk_0
No, I feel so safe.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It's it's a safety thing.
spk_0
It's it's it's security.
spk_0
When you go on that TikTok for you page and it's just straight up like want to hear
spk_0
about like the last person to ever step foot on the moon.
spk_0
And I'm like, this way you watch.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Science videos.
spk_0
Cool.
spk_0
Oh my god.
spk_0
He loves a science video and he loves a like a period piece.
spk_0
So now he's watching the gilded age with me because he's like, oh my god.
spk_0
He's not.
spk_0
That's he's like, should we watch our family on the gilded age?
spk_0
Like should we see if they're going to end up having the party in the bizarre?
spk_0
I'm like, did you watch the hunting wives?
spk_0
Not yet.
spk_0
Oh, you got to.
spk_0
I heard it's amazing.
spk_0
It's very much so like, is this camp?
spk_0
I can't tell.
spk_0
Like, I can't tell if they're trying to be like intentionally insin like insane and larger
spk_0
than life.
spk_0
Or if it's like, if there's dead ass serious either way, I love it.
spk_0
But it's ridiculous.
spk_0
Like you're sitting here and you're like, this is insane.
spk_0
Like the wigs are insane.
spk_0
Well, that was that's like the way things that I've heard that the show's amazing and
spk_0
the wigs.
spk_0
And I'm like, what is the wig apart of the wig line?
spk_0
I mean, no, no, no, it's just like truly bad wigs.
spk_0
Like they just have wigs that are obviously wigs on these women.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And even Mal and Ackerman was like, oh, if we do a season two, the wigs will be better.
spk_0
Like everybody knows about it.
spk_0
Like it's a thing like you're watching the show and it's like, bad wig off on that.
spk_0
spk_0
Bad wig.
spk_0
I think the wigs take me a little bit out of it.
spk_0
I can't if I see a little lift of the lace in the back.
spk_0
Yeah, you're like, just take it on.
spk_0
Just take it off.
spk_0
Yeah, come on.
spk_0
We don't need it.
spk_0
That's what I was saying on my hunting wives.
spk_0
I don't know if we needed that.
spk_0
I think that was the other thing.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It was giving very much so like, this is just not super well done.
spk_0
But the show is truly addicting.
spk_0
I think you'll like it.
spk_0
We're gonna have to watch it.
spk_0
Ugh, I've just finished watching the superannos for the first time.
spk_0
No way.
spk_0
And what did you think about that?
spk_0
I knew what the ending was going to be because I studied television in college.
spk_0
It's so iconic as well.
spk_0
But I had never watched the show.
spk_0
So like I wasn't super like tied.
spk_0
I didn't know.
spk_0
You didn't have like a soul tie to that ending being prominent.
spk_0
No, I just knew that like it's the most controversial ending of like television history, whatever.
spk_0
And when it happened, I was screaming at my television.
spk_0
I was like, I know what?
spk_0
It's crazy.
spk_0
It's so crazy.
spk_0
But honestly, one of my favorite shows that I've ever watched my entire...
spk_0
My favorite thing about the superannos of it all is that Sex and the City and the
spk_0
Superannos like worked together to like make HBO like literature.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
What it is today.
spk_0
The lights on.
spk_0
They don't ever have to do anything else.
spk_0
They don't have to do anything else for the rest of time.
spk_0
Like, Superannos was huge.
spk_0
And then this show about single women having Sex in New York comes on.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
And it also becomes huge.
spk_0
And it's such a dichotomy.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like, I'm obsessed with the idea that they are playing at the same time live and everybody
spk_0
was captivated by HBO.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
And like, it's just perfect.
spk_0
What's your hot take about Sex and the City?
spk_0
Oh my gosh, I really don't think Carrie was that bad.
spk_0
I really don't think.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Eli.
spk_0
I knew you were going to be like, she's a narcissist.
spk_0
She's crazy.
spk_0
Eli.
spk_0
Okay, I walk with me for one second.
spk_0
Explain.
spk_0
I walk with me for one second.
spk_0
The hate that she gets on a like mass public scale is far more than the hate Tony
spk_0
soprano gets.
spk_0
But let's let's talk about the crime.
spk_0
Like, yeah.
spk_0
On the one hand, the crime is being like a sort of shitty friend sometimes, but when it's
spk_0
bad, it's bad.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And the other crime is like legitimate criminal activity and murder.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
And then also Carrie is like really dumb in love.
spk_0
But as a water sign, I'm like, how many of us have been like this man who doesn't care
spk_0
if I live or die is the one.
spk_0
And there's something to me so hysterical, but also so right about her ending up with a
spk_0
man who didn't care if she lived or died for like 10 years.
spk_0
spk_0
It's like you deserve each other.
spk_0
Like they really did.
spk_0
And I just think she's an icon.
spk_0
Like I just love her and I have a soft spot and I like to watch imperfect women on television.
spk_0
I absolutely.
spk_0
So that's going to be my swan song for Carrie.
spk_0
I actually agree with you.
spk_0
I think that a lot of the hate that Carrie gets is projection.
spk_0
I think a lot of us have a little Carrie inside of us.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And and we are uncomfortable watching her behave terribly.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But like all of the women I love because they are somewhat flawed.
spk_0
Like you know, Sam's problem is like emotional intimacy and letting people get close
spk_0
to her even when like I think it's Miranda's mom dies and she can't even like face the idea
spk_0
of grief.
spk_0
Like it's such like a true thing that we've seen before.
spk_0
Charlotte's problem is like she is so hellbent on this perfect life that she's to get
spk_0
for herself.
spk_0
She's delusional.
spk_0
She has her head in the closet.
spk_0
She's such a pice.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Maybe vice-seize queen.
spk_0
spk_0
And it really takes this like kind of like man who's low key physically below her in terms
spk_0
of league and whatever else to make her realize that like love is never going to be perfect.
spk_0
And sometimes your perfect person isn't exactly the perfection that you picture.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And then Miranda is a little bit she really is a little bit stubborn and she really does
spk_0
refuse.
spk_0
Like she is kind of an area vibe to me.
spk_0
Everyone's always like Capricorn.
spk_0
I'm like no, that woman is very my way or the highway.
spk_0
I think she gives a little tourist energy to that as well.
spk_0
It's like it's very ego.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And I think each of them have these issues and carries are the most prominent but she's
spk_0
also like the biggest character.
spk_0
But that's why we can all say like, oh, which are you?
spk_0
Which one do you relate to the most?
spk_0
Honestly, none of them.
spk_0
I think I have a sprinkle of everyone.
spk_0
I was going to say, so you having a sprinkle of Charlotte in that you're just like, I'm
spk_0
protected.
spk_0
I'm safe.
spk_0
I'm protecting my peace.
spk_0
Stay away from me.
spk_0
And I like nice things.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
You're like, I'm going to smell nice.
spk_0
I'm going to look pretty.
spk_0
Please get away from me if you disagree with me.
spk_0
It's very Charlotte.
spk_0
And I think she's probably the least problematic of the bunch.
spk_0
I think so too.
spk_0
I think so too.
spk_0
Although I feel like is she progressive?
spk_0
I don't know.
spk_0
I was just going to say I made a video that Cynthia Nixon reposted during the mayoral
spk_0
race where like Miranda was canvassing for Zoran and was being like everyone he spoke.
spk_0
And then Charlotte was like, I'm going to vote for Brad lander.
spk_0
And it's like, that's so her.
spk_0
That's very short.
spk_0
That's very short.
spk_0
And Sam said something sexual about Zoran and then Carrie was like, big is voting for
spk_0
Cuomo.
spk_0
And everyone makes sense.
spk_0
And everyone was like, I don't think big is progressive.
spk_0
And I was like, I think he's like a Republican Democrat.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like I think she's a like a Cuomo Democrat.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Come on guys.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Put our heads together.
spk_0
Like this New York city.
spk_0
I think you just started new series.
spk_0
No, literally.
spk_0
Just being like breaking this down.
spk_0
No, Cynthia Nixon put it on her story on Instagram.
spk_0
So I knew that she signed off.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
She knows.
spk_0
But Carrie would probably have voted for Cuomo as well.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Because big did it.
spk_0
And I'm like, that's her problem.
spk_0
That's when it starts to become shitty.
spk_0
It's like, think for yourself for five seconds.
spk_0
But that goes back to what you were saying about the girls who feel uncomfortable with
spk_0
women who de-centered men.
spk_0
Like I do feel like a lot of Carrie's problem was her centering not just big, but like
spk_0
every man in her life.
spk_0
Centering every man in everyone's life.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like every week she was like, let me write a column about how we get men, how we have
spk_0
sex with men, how we flirt with men.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And even though her like final thesis was almost always like, maybe it's just the friends
spk_0
we made along the way.
spk_0
Like, literally that was her whole life story.
spk_0
It's also like, yeah, but you just spent another 30 minutes being like end men.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
So.
spk_0
But I still love the show.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
The show is, it's, it's incredible.
spk_0
So I can't.
spk_0
It's such a right of passage.
spk_0
And I know that your newest book is more about like quarter century life crisis, but
spk_0
it's such a quarter century life crisis.
spk_0
Watch.
spk_0
Oh, yeah.
spk_0
You should watch it.
spk_0
I think that by law, no woman should be allowed to watch sex in the city until she turns
spk_0
25.
spk_0
And then you are unlawed.
spk_0
That's honestly a beautiful law.
spk_0
And it should be the same for girls at 22.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like you need to be 22 to watch girls.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
And like on your birthday, you were awarded this box set DVD.
spk_0
It's kind of a genius idea.
spk_0
Like different shows at different birthday.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
This is when you get girls.
spk_0
This is when you get insecure.
spk_0
This is when you get friends.
spk_0
This is when you get how I mature.
spk_0
Like giving them, this is when you get new girl.
spk_0
You get insecure, I think at 29, like 29 into 30 so that you really just like understand.
spk_0
So you're locked in friendship.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Female.
spk_0
Show is like so beautiful.
spk_0
So it's very underrated.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like that's a great.
spk_0
That's like a micewans song.
spk_0
Like watch insecure.
spk_0
People do not talk about that enough.
spk_0
I agree.
spk_0
Although I feel like the finale episode, they kind of just like threw it together.
spk_0
I think that a lot of these shows, like we get to the last season and it's like, did
spk_0
we sit around the same table with the same amount of time that we dedicated to the rest
spk_0
of this?
spk_0
Correct.
spk_0
Or did we say it's over now?
spk_0
So let's just wrap it all together because we have limited budgets.
spk_0
Like name one show where the, I mean, kind of the sopranos.
spk_0
Like we're, yes, they went all the way through.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Even text in the city, there are some moments where it's like, what's happening?
spk_0
Well, I didn't watch in just like that.
spk_0
Yeah, I mean, because I don't hate myself.
spk_0
Yeah, no.
spk_0
And that's what I heard.
spk_0
That's you were like, that's you were like, you're beast.
spk_0
I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to stay with my positive memories.
spk_0
spk_0
And not cloud my mind with this.
spk_0
I didn't watch this current season because I'm like, I, I need to do exactly that.
spk_0
I don't want to go there.
spk_0
Smart.
spk_0
Well, you know, this is a advice podcast and the girlies have thoughts, questions and concerns.
spk_0
As usual, we asked our listeners, what is a dating role that like you'll never break,
spk_0
no matter what, what's yours?
spk_0
Ooh.
spk_0
Okay, if I was going to go on a first date, I would always do it on a Thursday.
spk_0
And this is my reason.
spk_0
Ooh.
spk_0
If you go on a first date on a Thursday, then you have the rest of the weekend to make
spk_0
another plan if you liked the person.
spk_0
Maybe if you want to date a first day on a Thursday for a drink, you can go on a walk
spk_0
on a Sunday, you go to brunch, you can have a coffee, whatever you want.
spk_0
But by Monday, you know the vibes or you could go on the first day on the Thursday.
spk_0
And if it's horrible and bad and you never want to see the person again, you can erase
spk_0
that memory with a really fun weekend and get together with your girls, do something
spk_0
for yourself, buy yourself a little treat, whatever you want, but by Monday, like your
spk_0
reset.
spk_0
You're on to something.
spk_0
I am very much so with dating like I do think it's supposed to be fun and organic and
spk_0
natural, but also like you can put systems in place.
spk_0
You can put guidelines for yourself.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
It shouldn't be and I hate giving dating advice to some regard now that I'm engaged
spk_0
because I think it can come off as consenting and I'm never trying to.
spk_0
But for me, it was always it shouldn't never be not fun.
spk_0
But you should also still have like guidelines for yourself.
spk_0
It doesn't just need to be like a crazy free for all or not or like super fun or not
spk_0
fun at all.
spk_0
Like there's a middle place.
spk_0
So I would always go on a first date on a Thursday.
spk_0
That way, like I would know by the end of the weekend.
spk_0
I think my first day with my fiance was a Thursday and then he invited me over for
spk_0
like, she's bored wine on a Sunday.
spk_0
So we had those two dates and then by Monday, I was like, oh, I like this person and I
spk_0
would like to see them again.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Or versus you want a terrible date and you're like, let me have a week of where I've completely
spk_0
forget that ever happened.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
My Monday, your reset.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
That's a great rule.
spk_0
I feel like it makes it just like easier.
spk_0
I'm really into that.
spk_0
I'm into having more options to seeing the person that doesn't take like a whole other
spk_0
week to like, yes.
spk_0
And then you're like, like, I hate that shit.
spk_0
I'm like, are they going to text me?
spk_0
I'm literally feeling I'm going to throw up.
spk_0
And it's the worst.
spk_0
Like that's literally the worst feeling.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
In that feeling, I want to go back to you saying that like now that you're a fiance,
spk_0
you don't want to come off condescending with giving advice.
spk_0
Do you find that most of the people who are like the contraireans in your comments, are
spk_0
they women or are they men?
spk_0
Or is it like a mixture?
spk_0
Women, which I think is fascinating.
spk_0
I feel like there's a lot of internalized misogyny on TikTok where like, I think most
spk_0
of the haters and the trolls are other women, which is heartbreaking, but also like I understand
spk_0
it to some degree.
spk_0
But I see a lot of people who are married in relationships being like, I'm not giving
spk_0
relationship advice anymore.
spk_0
And I resonate with that.
spk_0
And I don't think you should just be giving your friends like copious amounts of relationship
spk_0
advice they never asked for.
spk_0
But that's just like with anything.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But I think that there's a world in which like to me, when I'm giving dating advice,
spk_0
it's not about like how to get a partner.
spk_0
Right.
spk_0
Like how to get a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a partner.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It's about like how to enjoy yourself the most and how to feel in control the most while
spk_0
you're doing anything.
spk_0
Like all my advice comes from feeling like your best self, not getting any goal.
spk_0
Right.
spk_0
So I think it's about like where you're coming from with the advice.
spk_0
And it's also not something new for you.
spk_0
Like you've been doing this.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
But it's just like now you have this additional like label milestone under your belt and
spk_0
people are like, well, she thinks she knows every.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Oh, because you're done and all this stuff.
spk_0
And I'm like, no, like I definitely feel like I feel very young to be engaged.
spk_0
Honestly, like a lot of my friends are like, I have one married friend and then I have
spk_0
a couple of friends who are like just now getting engaged.
spk_0
But we all feel kind of like the young ones.
spk_0
I'm 27.
spk_0
I'll be like about to turn 28 when I get married.
spk_0
And while that is very much like average growing up on the East Coast, I just feel that a
spk_0
lot of people don't get married as young as in other areas of the country.
spk_0
And I always do like recognize that.
spk_0
I always try to be like, I feel really young.
spk_0
And I want you guys to know that like even watching Taylor Swift get engaged, I felt like
spk_0
was kind of a nice refresher of like she's 34.
spk_0
She didn't just like rush into something at 26, even though she had boyfriends, she had
spk_0
people.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
All these times.
spk_0
And she kind of was just like, no, this is like all in time.
spk_0
And I feel like it's a nice refresher because everyone in my DMs is like, I'm 22 and I've
spk_0
never been in love before.
spk_0
Like will I be alone forever?
spk_0
And it's like you're literally 22.
spk_0
It's so it's so busy.
spk_0
That like, but honestly, when I was a teenager, I thought I was going to be married with
spk_0
a baby three kids by 25.
spk_0
I was like, no, a house three kids.
spk_0
I'm not that then I'm just a spinster.
spk_0
And I should just forget it.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
Me at almost 33.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
No, exactly.
spk_0
And you're like living your best life probably have never been successful.
spk_0
Happier, better looking like the lens that 22 year olds have.
spk_0
And it's like the fault of society.
spk_0
It's so heartbreaking because I was the same way.
spk_0
I was like, I'm so behind.
spk_0
I'm so not where I'm supposed to be.
spk_0
spk_0
And now at 27, I feel like it's just it's like season one.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Oh, I love that season.
spk_0
It's season one.
spk_0
Oh, okay.
spk_0
So obviously we had to ask the people what is their dating rule that I'm excited.
spk_0
They're one that they're like, this is this is my rule.
spk_0
I'm trying to figure out what mine would be.
spk_0
Yeah, what is yours?
spk_0
I have so many.
spk_0
I have a lot.
spk_0
She's a Scorpio.
spk_0
Very strict.
spk_0
Very, very strict.
spk_0
I think mine would be what my boyfriend did, which was like we met on the app first day
spk_0
on my first time ever on an app first day on the app.
spk_0
We matched.
spk_0
We went on our first date the next day.
spk_0
Like why are we waiting?
spk_0
No pen pals.
spk_0
No pen pals.
spk_0
That's my rule.
spk_0
No pen pals.
spk_0
That's a great rule.
spk_0
Not doing that.
spk_0
Similar to mine too, where it's like stop wasting your own time.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Just get on with it.
spk_0
Why are we doing this when we could be doing this like in real life?
spk_0
And then I can see if like your chat in person actually matches the chat that we're having.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Someone said a rule that they would never break is having a phone call or a FaceTime before
spk_0
a first date.
spk_0
I don't hate that.
spk_0
Honestly, I've never done it before because I'm already sort of uncomfortable on FaceTime
spk_0
unless it's like literally my best friend.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm very non-confrontational.
spk_0
It's probably like the cancer in me.
spk_0
But I'm super very much so like I never want to be the first person to hang up.
spk_0
This is awkward.
spk_0
That's what people I know well.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I just want to meet someone face to face.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I don't want to meet you on FaceTime.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
My boyfriend and I did do a phone call and I think I mean I was already a little nervous
spk_0
because I was like, oh my god, he's so hot.
spk_0
I've never dated somebody this hot.
spk_0
Like what am I going to be like a person?
spk_0
I haven't been on a date in years.
spk_0
Like what am I going to do?
spk_0
And it was a nice.
spk_0
It was nice because I was like, oh, we already have banter.
spk_0
Like on the date we're going to have banter too.
spk_0
I see that kind of as well.
spk_0
FaceTime is too much.
spk_0
FaceTime is a lot.
spk_0
Now I'm seeing your laundry in the background.
spk_0
Like I'm distracted.
spk_0
Like your ugly wall art and I'm like gonna need to fix that.
spk_0
I'm already putting plans in place for interior design.
spk_0
Like no.
spk_0
A rule someone said that they would never break is lying to their partner.
spk_0
That's, I mean, very good.
spk_0
Very, very good.
spk_0
We love that.
spk_0
We love that.
spk_0
We love that.
spk_0
Love that.
spk_0
Oh, someone said I won't go to their house for the first or even the second date.
spk_0
Yeah, I see that.
spk_0
I just met my man like when there was, it was post COVID 2021,
spk_0
but like things were still happening.
spk_0
So like it was, house was kind of like the way to go.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But I think safety like absolutely not for a first date.
spk_0
Yeah, no.
spk_0
For a first date, if someone invites you over to their house, I don't care.
spk_0
I've met women who are like, oh, well, like he said he wanted to cook me dinner.
spk_0
Why the fuck do you want him to cook you dinner for a first date?
spk_0
He can go buy it.
spk_0
You know, I'm not going to someone's house.
spk_0
I don't need you to make me a stake in your apartment.
spk_0
Like I don't know.
spk_0
I'm so good about the stake in the apartment because my thought is like, oh, you're going to
spk_0
cook me next.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
No, I'm not getting out of your life.
spk_0
I'm never going to leave this place.
spk_0
I don't want anything to do with that.
spk_0
No, I agree.
spk_0
No, no, no, no.
spk_0
And it sounds cute and like, but it's only cute when you know the person.
spk_0
It's only cute if you've been on like five dates with the person.
spk_0
Then you can go to their house for the dinner.
spk_0
Correct.
spk_0
Oh, someone said respect.
spk_0
Respect cannot be missing in any safe relationship.
spk_0
Correct.
spk_0
It's got to be, let's go to be the first first thing.
spk_0
I was at someone said they will never again text.
spk_0
Remember me after not hearing from them for a while.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
No, I'm team of someone's like actively ghosting you unless it's like been a super long
spk_0
relationship or something to that degree.
spk_0
If they're actively ghosting you, it's the answer is there and that person just like
spk_0
doesn't really deserve you.
spk_0
If they don't have the human decency to be like, Hey, this isn't going to work for me.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Then they don't have the decency to be in a relationship with you either.
spk_0
Hello, or like the people who are like, Oh, I've just been so busy.
spk_0
I think you don't need to be dating right now.
spk_0
That's great.
spk_0
Or maybe I'm just not your person.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But either or like wasting my own time is massively disrespectful.
spk_0
So thank you.
spk_0
We're all good.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
We're all good.
spk_0
We're good on that.
spk_0
Thank you.
spk_0
Oh, someone said that they will never again be the side chick and think that he will
spk_0
give up everything to be with me.
spk_0
Fair enough.
spk_0
That was heard.
spk_0
Heard respected sign sealed and delivered that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
No.
spk_0
Oh, someone said, I don't do breaks either.
spk_0
We're all in or we're all out.
spk_0
I hear that.
spk_0
I've done it before like in college and stuff.
spk_0
To me, it's always the type of thing where whoever is instigating the break is too
spk_0
anxious to break up.
spk_0
So they want to see what it would be like to be broken up with you and they're
spk_0
almost always going to be fine.
spk_0
So they're going to end up breaking up with you.
spk_0
And that sucks so much.
spk_0
It literally makes me sick when someone's like, my boyfriend and I are in a break.
spk_0
I'm like, oh, no.
spk_0
Also, if it's meant to be, it'll find a way I do believe that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I know you're kind of like a universe girl.
spk_0
I definitely am.
spk_0
Like I believe in the universe and I really do think like break up with someone
spk_0
and getting back together is totally okay.
spk_0
If you've fixed whatever went wrong the first time or those circumstances are no
spk_0
longer there, getting back together, I think is an a okay thing to do.
spk_0
But going on a break, I think kind of just it puts off the inevitable.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Yeah. In college, I went on a break with a boyfriend, but he initiated the break.
spk_0
And then every time to be like, so like, are we broken?
spk_0
Is the break broken or is the break getting back to building?
spk_0
Like what's happening?
spk_0
And he would be like, I just like, I just need more time to think about it.
spk_0
Like we're so on break.
spk_0
So you're doing something.
spk_0
What are you doing with your time?
spk_0
You've got something going on.
spk_0
There's someone.
spk_0
What's up?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But I was doing me anyway.
spk_0
Yeah, no, exactly.
spk_0
Not with other people, but like I was like traveling and just like living.
spk_0
And I was like, I guess we're on a break.
spk_0
Is this going to come back from this boyfriend that we've been on a break for like a year?
spk_0
A year.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
We're still on a break.
spk_0
Am I single?
spk_0
What's happening?
spk_0
Am I single?
spk_0
Oh God.
spk_0
That was before my frontal lobe developed.
spk_0
Nobody judge.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
Oh, someone said they will never have sex on a first date period.
spk_0
What are your thoughts on intimacy on a first date?
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
So I read this study.
spk_0
I'm big into like thinking about psychology and thinking about dating.
spk_0
Because like I said, I feel like there's a way to to to win it in a way.
spk_0
Like there's, you know, you can use things to your advantage.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And the study was saying that men and women fall in love in very different ways.
spk_0
And men fall in love through physical things that you can do together that are non-sexual.
spk_0
So like going and doing something like fun.
spk_0
And then they also fall in love through time spent apart from you when they get to think about you.
spk_0
And you get to come into their mind.
spk_0
Women fall in love through physical intimacy and like words of affirmation and talking.
spk_0
I think a lot of women confuse those two things.
spk_0
And they think because they fall in love through physical intimacy and talking.
spk_0
That's how men fall in love.
spk_0
So I think if you're dating for a relationship with a man
spk_0
and you really want a relationship, that's what you're looking for.
spk_0
The odds are in your favor to not be physically intimate on the first few dates.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
That being said, if someone is your person, if you have sex with them,
spk_0
the first five minutes of meeting them, that won't change.
spk_0
So that's how I feel.
spk_0
Where I'm like, I was dating for a relationship when I met my fiance.
spk_0
So it was in my best interest to not be physically intimate on the first date because I knew
spk_0
it would just be better for me to achieve my goals.
spk_0
That being said, if we had, I don't believe it would have changed anything because he's still my
spk_0
person and I am a big universe girlie where I like really do trust and believe that the right
spk_0
things come to you at the right times.
spk_0
And you can't really make wrong decisions when your fate is up to the universe.
spk_0
Like I do believe that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm very woo-woo in that way.
spk_0
So to me, it's like, if you have sex on the first date and that person's your person,
spk_0
it doesn't matter either way.
spk_0
They're going to be your person if you waited a month or a week or five minutes.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But if you really want a relationship and that's like your big goal,
spk_0
then I wouldn't do it because I just think it's psychologically the most apt way to get
spk_0
into a relationship.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
So I'm not, I'm not on either way.
spk_0
It's just like, what are your vibes that night?
spk_0
What do you want to do?
spk_0
I agree with that.
spk_0
I think if I'm very much like we're adults, if you want to have fun,
spk_0
we're both consenting adults, let's fucking go.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But if you want a relationship with this person,
spk_0
I am very, very strict.
spk_0
Me too.
spk_0
No holding hands, no kissing on the first day.
spk_0
Oh, I didn't kiss on the first day either.
spk_0
I was like, I don't know you.
spk_0
Like, why would I say I want to get...
spk_0
I'm so nervous.
spk_0
I'm so this, never.
spk_0
Why?
spk_0
If I'm life, I've never had like a drunken make out with a stranger.
spk_0
Like, and maybe I'm missing out on life.
spk_0
I definitely did that.
spk_0
And it caused me to get on your side even more.
spk_0
Where it's like, I was definitely doing that on first dates when I was 21.
spk_0
But then when I like met my fiance, I had stepped into this new era that I talked about
spk_0
in the first book where I was very much so not actively dating.
spk_0
Like, if someone came my way, which it was a friend setup, so he did come my way,
spk_0
I would, I was allowed to go on a date.
spk_0
But I had told myself I'm not actively dating.
spk_0
And when I started stepping into that zone, I was very much like, I'm not kissing someone
spk_0
in the first date.
spk_0
I don't know you.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
You took me to dinner.
spk_0
We spent an hour and a half together.
spk_0
I don't want to make out with you in the sidewalk in the West Village in front of this
spk_0
restaurant in front of potential future dates of mine who are seeing this.
spk_0
Like this, this man over here, like, I don't.
spk_0
You're scaring the host.
spk_0
I don't want to do you're scaring the host.
spk_0
I don't want to do that.
spk_0
No.
spk_0
And again, if you want to do that, live your life, have so much fun, enjoy it.
spk_0
And I don't think that'll prevent you from getting what you want.
spk_0
But for me, that's my boundary where I'm like,
spk_0
I don't want to kiss you on a first date.
spk_0
I'm good on that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm so good on that.
spk_0
And I like you to also earn that.
spk_0
Like, that's intimacy to me.
spk_0
I want you to earn that.
spk_0
Yeah, take me on another date.
spk_0
And I don't want it to feel transactional.
spk_0
Like, oh, you paid for this dinner.
spk_0
So here's a kiss.
spk_0
Here's a kiss.
spk_0
What?
spk_0
Fuck you.
spk_0
You know how many dinners you're going to have to pay for to get this kiss?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
You're pulling that card out.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
Keep swiping.
spk_0
Keep on swiping, other.
spk_0
What?
spk_0
No.
spk_0
And although like on my first date with my boyfriend,
spk_0
I would have had sex with him if like,
spk_0
no, if he felt free enough to do so.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
And I don't think it would have changed anything.
spk_0
He doesn't think he would have changed anything.
spk_0
He was like, I wanted to make out with you immediately.
spk_0
But like, I saw you and was ready.
spk_0
But I was playing like the long game, you know?
spk_0
Like, like, let's really get to know each other.
spk_0
Let's know each other.
spk_0
And as an Ares, he's like, I don't want to act on impulse of like,
spk_0
I'm so attracted to this person.
spk_0
I want to like be intimate with them.
spk_0
Because they can't even put out fast.
spk_0
spk_0
So it's like, let's see if it's still going.
spk_0
That's what it goes somewhere.
spk_0
And then when it happened, it happened.
spk_0
And then it was great.
spk_0
It was perfect.
spk_0
And it was like a couple weeks later.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
I don't remember.
spk_0
But it wasn't on the first day.
spk_0
It wasn't on the first day.
spk_0
It was after like the third.
spk_0
It's perfect.
spk_0
And I initiated that.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
We love.
spk_0
Fuck it.
spk_0
We asked, what is a dating role that you've broken
spk_0
that you will never break again?
spk_0
Which, I mean, you just kind of named one of like kissing.
spk_0
Yeah, that's definitely like I've done.
spk_0
I have broken that.
spk_0
But I really do think like, I don't want to kiss a stranger.
spk_0
Like if I found myself single ever again,
spk_0
hopefully that will never happen.
spk_0
I would not kiss someone on the first day.
spk_0
No.
spk_0
No.
spk_0
Also like people germs are real.
spk_0
I'm a big germ.
spk_0
I've OCD.
spk_0
I can't with the germs.
spk_0
I don't have you like washed your hand.
spk_0
It's where I've been.
spk_0
Like although I love watching the violent,
spk_0
watching people make out with multiple people
spk_0
as a state.
spk_0
I could never.
spk_0
I could never.
spk_0
I could never.
spk_0
Respect to them.
spk_0
Love them all.
spk_0
Like dearly and deeply.
spk_0
Love them all.
spk_0
And thank you for them for doing that for us.
spk_0
Because it's so entertaining.
spk_0
That milk challenge.
spk_0
No, no, no, I skipped it.
spk_0
I skipped it.
spk_0
I'm not immediate.
spk_0
I'm immediate fast forward.
spk_0
Couldn't do it.
spk_0
I think I watched with like my hands over my eyes.
spk_0
Disgusting.
spk_0
I was like, am I a scooter?
spk_0
Is this disgusting?
spk_0
It started getting gross.
spk_0
And I felt bad for the islanders.
spk_0
Because what are they going to say now?
spk_0
Also, they start to forget what their boundaries even are.
spk_0
There are no boundaries.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
We're humping each other,
spk_0
covered in milk residue.
spk_0
That's disgusting.
spk_0
And then you have to go back to the villa,
spk_0
still smelling like milk and have conversation.
spk_0
And do a confessional.
spk_0
During the summer, I take three showers a day.
spk_0
I can't really.
spk_0
No, I'm not in that.
spk_0
I'm not.
spk_0
No, it's not something that I'm going to be doing.
spk_0
Actually not.
spk_0
Okay, someone said that a rule that they've broken
spk_0
that they will never break again is giving second chances
spk_0
and not leaving after the first red flag.
spk_0
So there's another relationship psychologist.
spk_0
Her name is Logan Yurrie.
spk_0
Love Logan.
spk_0
She's been on the pot.
spk_0
Amazing.
spk_0
And she says that we have to be careful
spk_0
about deal breakers versus preferences.
spk_0
And I think women need to be very, very careful and strict
spk_0
as we've said.
spk_0
But I do think there's this trend on the internet
spk_0
of over correction a little bit.
spk_0
And I think that a lot of times,
spk_0
and if there's a red flag,
spk_0
like if you're unsafe or disrespected,
spk_0
get the fuck out of there immediately.
spk_0
Please like all of that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I want to make sure I'm saying that.
spk_0
But I think that sometimes we view
spk_0
like preferences as red flags.
spk_0
And I think you need to really make a good list.
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And this is what she says of deal breakers versus preferences.
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So a deal breaker would be like, we're not politically aligned.
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And you're not going to date someone is not politically aligned.
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A deal breaker might be like, they're mean to my friend.
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Like obvious things.
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A deal breaker might be like, they don't live in New York.
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And I know I want to be here for the rest of my life.
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But a preference could be like, they're a morning person.
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My man's not really a morning person.
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And I would have preferred that because I am,
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but like we make it work because that's not a deal breaker.
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Because he hits all the deal breakers.
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Yeah.
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And he hits a lot of the preferences as well.
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I might have preferred someone to like to cook more than he does,
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but like the tree, the tree doesn't.
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So he does all the cleaning around our house.
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You know what I mean?
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Like you have to recognize what is what and be careful.
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But I do think with red flags, like get out of there.
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Yeah.
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And also have a list of your red flags.
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Like we just need to be, you know, what is what?
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And I really like Logan.
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I think she's so, so small.
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I don't know. She's so small.
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She's well, yeah.
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I reference her all the time.
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Yeah. No, she's fabulous.
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I think like going back to the kissing thing.
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Although I'm like, no, I'm not going to kiss you on the first day.
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If my boyfriend would have asked me after our first date, can I kiss you?
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I wouldn't have written him off completely and been like, oh, he just kisses every
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every kind of a nice thing that he asked.
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And he's just like, no, if he would have leaned in and like, when to kiss me,
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I would have been like, off put by that.
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I was like, what the fuck?
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Even though like in the moment when we were saying goodbye,
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I was like, oh my god, I want to put my tongue in his mouth.
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Yeah.
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Tonight right now.
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But if he would have reached in, I would have been like,
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whoa, like that's a red flag for me.
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If he would have asked me, I would have sent my boundary and he would have respected it.
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And then we could have had a second date after that.
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Exactly.
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I wouldn't have been like, he asked to kiss me and I don't kiss on the first date,
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so never again.
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Yeah.
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And I see people all the time being like, he has a picture of his ex red flag.
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And I'm like, maybe he thought he looked good in the pic and he wanted to show other women
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that he's desirable.
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Like, it's not always like he's chatting with her.
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And it's good that we have our blinders up.
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Yeah.
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100%.
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Yeah.
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But I do think that there's this trend on the internet of over correction in some ways.
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And I think we need to be careful about that.
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Because we do want to be safe and we do want to make sure we're respecting our own boundaries.
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But we also want to be open.
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I think it's the same thing with the height.
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I don't know how you feel about this, but there are a lot of small girls,
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like I'm 5'3", who they say like I refuse to date a guy under six foot.
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So I put the hinge and bumble and everything on six foot up.
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And I'm like, but what if the most charming, respectful, like a lined, funny guy
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who is 5'10 at the bar started buying you drinks?
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You would want 100% give him your number.
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And you wouldn't know the difference.
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And you wouldn't know the difference.
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Because you're 5'3".
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And I hate to say that.
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No, I'm your 5'3".
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My best friend is 5'9".
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Save the 6'5 guy for her.
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Sorry, like you're also tall, right?
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Like 5'9".
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Exactly.
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Save the tall guy for you.
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I'm 5'3".
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Yeah.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Thank you for that.
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The tall girls are literally bowing right now.
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Also because like when the short girls say that shit, I'm like,
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what does that say about these taller women?
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Like who also want to date men who are taller than them?
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Yeah.
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No, that's so funny.
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Because my sister is like,
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I think she's like 5'5".
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Sorry.
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She's going to be like, I'm 5'6 and a half.
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Yeah.
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She's 5'5".
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Something in that area.
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And she was like, yeah, I'm talking to a short keg
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and I'm like, well, how tall is he?
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And she's like, I'm like, that is not a short keg.
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That's not a short keg to you.
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Yeah.
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You're already a short queen.
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It's okay if he's only a couple.
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And she's taller than you.
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So fine.
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Like I want to date someone taller than me,
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but he didn't need to be 6'4".
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And I think like you then prevent yourself from meeting people
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that you would probably really hit it off with.
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Correct.
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Because now you're making the pool smaller.
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When like in real life, you would not act that way
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if you came up to you at the bar.
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Yeah.
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A grade.
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Someone said they will never again date someone from work.
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Probably smart.
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Very smart.
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I don't believe in shitting where you eat.
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No.
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Yeah.
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It's not going to go well.
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It's not going to go well.
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It's not going to go well.
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It's not going to go well.
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I feel bad because I know there are people like,
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I'm at my personal work and we're married
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and we have kids and all the things.
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Right.
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So happy for you.
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Probably not.
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Common sense advice.
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Don't do it though.
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That and like people who live in your building.
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Oh, your auntie like the guy from the elevator.
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The guy.
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Absolutely.
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Unless he's moving out the following weekend.
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Unless you see him with the moving boxes.
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Roadways there.
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It's it's roadways sponsoring that move.
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And you've seen it on the ground.
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Perfect.
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Other than that.
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No, I'm not here for that.
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Because it's shitting where you eat.
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Exactly.
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Oh, this is your home.
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Same.
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People said dating co-workers letting a guy use my car,
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dating for potential.
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No.
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No.
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I agree.
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No.
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Fuck all of that.
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Fuck all of that.
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And the higher standards you have,
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the harder it's going to be,
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but the better the man is.
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Agreed.
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Like truly, my friends,
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we're all giving speeches on the bachelorette
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being like, it is so great to watch someone love
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Eli the same way we all do.
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And like truly to adore her.
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And I'm like, I am adored though,
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because I am like the anti-man queen.
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Like if you're going to be like
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truly de-centering man,
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you will find the best man.
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Because they will clock that.
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And instead of being like, I can't like my ego.
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And like, oh, like, you know, this woman is,
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like, they clock that and still want to be with you.
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They respect it.
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Yeah.
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That compliment that they gave your man
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is like the best compliment.
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They were all like, I wish he was here.
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I was like, you guys.
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No.
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That's not the point.
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I have the star of this weekend.
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No, yeah, he is the star though.
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Like, sometimes I'm like, I don't know how I got this man,
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because he's so nice.
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But you're also so nice.
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That's very sweet of you to say.
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But I'm also like opinionated and like,
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you know, he's like palatable.
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My mom is always like, you could put him in a room with like NFL players,
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politicians or children.
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And everyone would like him.
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Like, there's nowhere he could go
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that people don't love him.
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And that's, I mean, a special thing for sure.
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But I think the more you de-centerman,
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the better man you can get.
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I truly believe that.
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And I feel like you're the same way.
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I'm so excited for this wedding.
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This is my royal wedding.
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I can't thank you so much.
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Televerine where they can find you and where they can find the book.
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Yes, you guys can find me on Instagram and TikTok.
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It's Eli.Rallo on Instagram and Eli.Rallo on TikTok.
spk_0
You can get the book anywhere you get books,
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but order local order from your Indies.
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You can call them, ask them to order it.
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Books are magic.
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It's doing sign copies, but Amazon parts are noble all this way as well.
spk_0
This was so lovely.
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I always, I was so excited to see you.
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Like, I was like, I was like, why?
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I was like, this is my girl right here.
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She's always so beautiful too.
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Like, I know you guys here on the screen.
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It's insane.
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I saw her coming out of an elevator.
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And like, before I clocked that it was her,
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I was like, oh, like just a model coming out of an elevator.
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Like, perfect classic influencer event.
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She's stunning.
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Angel coming out of the elevator.
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Likewise.
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Thank you.
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You're all right.
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I think you're energy.
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You're the best.
spk_0
Thank you so much.
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Thank you.
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Bye.
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spk_0
Thank you so much for listening.
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You can catch a new episode of Relationship every Friday.
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And don't forget to click that follow button
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so you don't miss any of the action.
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And if you're loving this show,
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I want to hear from you.
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So please leave us a five star movie.
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Yes, five stars only hit that fifth star.
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And let us know what you think.
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Also, make sure you're following us on all of our socials
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at Relationship on Instagram and at Relationship.com
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on TikTok and Twitter.
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And I'll talk to you next week.
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Bye, Bestie.