Culture
Be a Man with a Plan
In this episode of 'Be a Man with a Plan,' holistic sex and relationship coach Kim and Ami delve into the intersection of sexual energy and personal purpose. They explore how taking the lead...
Be a Man with a Plan
Culture •
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Interactive Transcript
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Orgasmic enlightenment, where the sexual and spiritual come together.
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I'm Kim and Ami and I'm a holistic sex and relationship coach and a vaginal weightlifter.
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In their show, we explore all things intimate.
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I believe that our sexual energy is life-force, creative energy, and we can use it to shape
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our worlds, strengthen our relationships, and self-actualize.
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I blend the most avant-garde information from neuroscience, ancient sexual practices
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like tantra and daoism to renegade wellness modalities to show you how to create gourmet
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sex in your lives.
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Come one, come all.
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Be a man with a plan.
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We're going to kick off this episode with a clip from the comedian R.A.
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S.A.F.E.R. being interviewed on the first date with Lauren Compton podcast.
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She asks him what the sweetest thing he's ever done for someone is, and he tells her this
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story.
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Is the sweetest thing you've ever done for someone?
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I said to a lady, clear a weekend for me.
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She's like, oh, where are we going?
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Don't worry about that.
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Just pack it back.
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We'll try to pack something casual, pack something to hike in, pack maybe some cocktail
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attire.
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We picked her up in a car.
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We're going to drive to JFK.
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Yeah, actually, what the fuck are we going to plan to wear?
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Don't worry about it.
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We got to drink at the airport.
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Where are we going?
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Birmingham, Alabama.
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What the fuck's in Birmingham?
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Just looking up.
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What's in Birmingham?
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We land, get in a car, Birmingham.
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We start driving.
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About an hour and a half later, we hit the Mississippi border.
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And she said, what the fuck's in Mississippi?
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I don't know.
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Don't worry about that.
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It's a surprise.
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The whole thing's a surprise.
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We get through the town of Philadelphia, Mississippi, small town.
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Got to the best hotel in town, which is like Lakinta.
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And she goes, what's in the other back?
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And I'm like, if you open it, you'll know.
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But don't open it.
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And she's like, OK, next day, got up, went to get breakfast.
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She's like, what's going on?
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She's like, you'll see every store front just has all this
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like artwork in it saying, welcome, Dolly.
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Dolly Parton's plan.
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She doesn't play anymore.
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I know.
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Marty Stewart.
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He has a museum, a country music museum.
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He filled up in Mississippi.
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She decided to do one show for him.
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And tickets went on sale months and months before I waited in line
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to get tickets.
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And went to see Dolly Parton at a 500 cedar fucking 12 rows back.
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And she was like, this is great.
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I would have packed certain clothes if I knew it was going to be Dolly Parton.
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And I was like, dammit.
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If I only realized that and brought one of your friends over to your house
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to pick out outfits that you would have worn.
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And that's what's in the other bag.
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And it was all her fucking tassels.
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Oh my gosh.
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Oh, bitch.
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You're from outfits.
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Stop.
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It was the best.
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This is such a fantastic example of being a man with a plan.
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Let's talk about how many themes are going on here.
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The first, he knows her.
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He knows she loves Dolly.
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One of the biggest gifts of this experience
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is him showing her how well he knows her.
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The second is he makes it a surprise.
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He doesn't check in with her along the way.
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In fact, he keeps her guessing.
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And the third is that he pulls together every angle of it.
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She does not have to think about anything.
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She doesn't even know about it.
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It's the old Be Ready At 8.
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I'll pick you up where a cocktail dress move.
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And it never gets old.
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You can and ought to do this throughout your relationship.
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This applies to early stages all the way through 30 years
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of marriage.
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Be a man with a plan.
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Take the lead.
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Initiate.
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Be bold.
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Be the man so that she doesn't have to be.
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And if you do it with genuine truthfulness,
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watch her soften and surrender to you
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and give back the biggest gift that she can.
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Her trust.
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In today's episode, we are talking with Wellfucked All Star Jim.
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He's been on the show several times before
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in the episodes How To Fuck Your Woman Into Oblivion
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and Polarity, the hottest sexual chemistry,
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which included his wife, Meg.
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Today we are chatting about what it looks like ongoing
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to lead as the masculine in your relationship
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with your woman, the guts and the glory.
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Wellfucked All Stars.
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Hey Jim.
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How are you, Jim?
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Fantastic.
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Great to see you.
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Great to see you.
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All right, well let's get into it.
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The topic today is how you lead your woman in relationship.
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So you and Meg on your journey,
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you've both been on the podcast before.
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I've talked about one of your major issues
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and challenges that you've been working through
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in your relationship as the idea of masculine
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and feminine polarity,
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whereby your own admission that was reversed for years
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where Meg has been more in a masculine, dominant role
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and you in a more feminine reactive role
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and that you guys have really focused on shifting
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that dynamic and you stepping into more
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of a direct masculine leadership role in your life
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and in your relationship.
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So what kind of suggestions would you give people
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and what have been some of the top tools
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or things that you've kept in mind on your journey
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in terms of how to lead as a man in your relationship?
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I think number one is something that I learned
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in sexual mastery for men and that is purpose,
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having purpose and I've said this at Nazim,
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I think on the podcast is before I met you,
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I was like a rudderless ship,
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and just somebody without purpose
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which created a lot of tension in our relationship
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and I would say internal depression
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and just no motivation.
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And when I went through SMM,
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there was just a huge light bulb that went off
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regarding the idea of purpose.
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And I don't have had first in that
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and I really found what I believe to be my purpose in life.
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And it really sparked something within me
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to take care of my family, to take care of my wife,
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my kids, to be a role model for my kids,
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be the leader that my wife needs in me.
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And what was fascinating and this,
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I think was like one of the first challenges
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was, or tests from Meg
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when it comes to that role reversal
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that we had really worked on
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is the idea of this purpose
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and really discussing the purpose.
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And so when I laid that out and really explained to her
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what my purpose was
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and where my purpose fell in my priority lists,
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it was a little bit of a shock to her
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because through all my studies, through mentors
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and things like that, it became very, very clear to me
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that a man's purpose has to be number one.
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And when I told her that, it was a bit of a,
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it was hurtful for her
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because she wanted to be number one.
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And I had to explain to her, look,
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if my purpose is not number one,
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that means I am not showing up in life
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and then if I'm not showing up in life and on this path
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then I cannot be this container for you.
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I can't hold you, I can't hold fire for you.
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I can't lead the kids, I can't do anything without purpose.
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And so we had to have this discussion
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and I don't think she got it right away,
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but when she saw an action,
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I think she really started to realize
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that it was important for purpose
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to be number one in my life.
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Which I think that maybe for a lot of couples out there,
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you make these vows to each other
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and they're supposed to be your best friend,
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your lovers and number one in your life.
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And so that might sound a bit odd,
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but the more I thought about it, unpacked it,
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looked at every, from every angle
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and thought about the logic of it,
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it just, I couldn't get around the idea
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of not having purpose be number one in my life.
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So how does that help you in leading your woman?
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Would you say that that is just an overall energy
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of focus and exerting yourself
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and directing your energy into something
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that is a real expression of the masculine in action
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that then is conveying that the spirit of that to her.
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Like why is that important in terms of how you lead
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with your woman?
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I think that it's so important
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because without that purpose,
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like I said, I was just a rudderless bitch.
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You know, there was just,
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it was just going from project to project,
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no enthusiasm, no masculine energy,
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nothing was sustainable.
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And by finding a purpose and aligning with the correct purpose,
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the masculine energy was able to absolutely express
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in me an outward.
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And there were signs of that all over the place,
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becoming more responsible at home,
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becoming more responsible in my studies
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of becoming a more masculine man,
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particularly the enami studies.
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So one of my highest purposes was reaching
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the internal orgasm,
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which it took me probably four years of practice
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and trauma shedding to get the self-love high enough
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to be able to embody that and get the control
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of my body and relax it enough
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and all the things that need to happen for that super O.
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And when you do all those things,
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there's something within you that,
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if you can control your body like that,
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you can control almost anything in your life.
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And that energy, that confidence,
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like we would like to call it,
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it enters a room before you enter the door.
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And so with that purpose, with that higher purpose
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of, I think you've described it as Dharma, right?
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You like where you still work, purpose,
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and then that higher self purpose with the masculine,
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because that's one of my purposes is to be the most masculine man
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I can be and have control of my body and that part of it.
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And combining that with my vocational purpose.
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So those two things combine just kind of supercharged
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the divine masculine within me
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and it allowed me to express it more
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and it allowed her to surrender
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more easily seeing that within me.
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It's not something like, hey, I'm masculine.
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It's one of those things that you don't have to say.
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It just, it precedes you into, it's an energy.
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Yeah, it's a show not tell.
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Yes, yes, I think that is.
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And before purpose, I didn't have that.
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I didn't have that at all.
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And so I just, that's my number one thing for me
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to lead a woman is to have your own purpose
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and not just half purpose, but be executing on it.
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It's one thing to say you have purpose,
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but it's another thing to actually,
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I think you follow through.
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Right, and I think that that's the whole distinguishing factor
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between showing and not telling, right?
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Telling is kind of irrelevant.
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Telling really means nothing, showing is everything.
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You don't need to tell if you're already showing, right?
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Telling is really only a substitute for showing.
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Yeah, it's a wannabe, right?
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I mean, after, after a session of internal orgasm,
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it's not just with my wife that notices it,
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I could be in a store, I remember I was returning something
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at Old Navy for mag, and like all the cashiers
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were just staring at me, you know?
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And I wasn't doing anything.
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Like I was just being neat, but there's just something
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that was radiating from me.
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And that only came because of my higher purpose.
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Because you didn't come, huh?
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That's right, because I didn't come.
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And it was my higher, that's like one of my,
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like higher purposes.
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Like when I talk to people who are not vanilla,
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you know, who are familiar with Kiminami,
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I've always told them, like this is my purpose,
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because if I can control this,
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or not even control, controls are really bad word.
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If I can lead my body, right?
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If I can lead that animal to be able to create
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this generate, this power, you like, when you're prostate,
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it's warm and it just radiates through your body.
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If I can do that, I can do anything.
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And there's something about, in your subconscious,
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that it just tells people that.
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And so day to day, it shows up with other women,
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but specifically and most importantly,
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it shows up with my wife.
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Er, it shows up in my life, and my wife recognizes it.
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And therefore, just wants to surrender.
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So what I love about this little anecdote is,
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you know, I talk about this quality
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and women as the well-fucked woman, this aura,
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this energy, this june sakua that people pick up on,
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that's really magnetic and radiant,
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where women get hit on all the time publicly
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in sweatpants and flip flops, you know,
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just because men are picking up on this aura and this energy.
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And what you're describing is the same thing in men,
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where, but, you know, what I see the difference is,
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is that because you're cultivating the orgasm
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without ejaculation, which is a kind of,
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obviously, very deep internal discipline, right?
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And you, like, as you said, connected to your purpose,
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but it's a real test of spiritual strength
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and metal the way I see it.
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You know, I was thinking and writing about how I think,
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women actually don't respect men who ejaculate.
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Even if they're not conscious of that,
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and even if they're asking a man,
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like they want him to come, you know,
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there's this perhaps mild ego stroking,
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oh, you know, I made him come because I'm so hot,
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but like, really, he's just weak, right?
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Like if a man is continually just succumbing
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to the lowest rung of pleasure and what's available to him,
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or it's like eating Oreo cookies instead of making
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a big steak, right?
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It's like there's a price to pay for that,
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and it shows up in your aura,
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and there's a certain kind of strength and confidence
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and endurance building that goes with that journey
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of really seeking and cultivating the orgasm
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without ejaculation.
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It's a mastery of the self.
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It's a mastery of your lower superficial desires, right?
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And so, and then you wear that energy out in the world
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so that not only does your wife pick up on it,
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but it's so tangible, it's such an actual thing
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that its strangers feel it and they pick up on it.
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And then yeah, for your wife, she's both,
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I mean, she's feeling perceiving the energy shift
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within you, but she also knows also where that's coming from,
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right?
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And that ultimately, how much that benefits her
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as a woman because you going the distance
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and not succumbing means that that energy gets channeled
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back into her and your relationship, right?
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The vessel of your relationship is now the beneficiary
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of that higher level focus, of your determination,
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of you collecting all of your will and channeling it into that
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rather than it just getting ejected out into the world
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and thrown into a piece of toilet paper
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and flesh down the toilet.
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100%, I love that you bring that up
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because part of this, of living up to this purpose
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is in the bedroom and it's so funny that you bring this up
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because Meg will almost every time
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just want me to come inside her and ask.
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What do you think that's about?
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Why do you think that is that?
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I don't know if it's still her wanting a little bit of control
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and testing me for that.
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Like will you succumb or will you hold fast and not do it?
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Yes, yes.
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And the majority of the time, I'm like, no, I'm not today.
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I'm sorry.
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I can't have my cup.
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Yeah, no, that's right.
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You know, it deserved this.
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So I deny it a lot, but if within your practice,
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you should, from my understanding,
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ejaculate every month or like a few weeks or something like that.
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No, where did you get that from?
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I've never said that.
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Maybe I saw it online.
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I've forgotten what I was talking about.
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I think I've seen stuff like that online.
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And actually, you know what?
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We were looking at that the other day
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that there was a shall we say a well-known teacher
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who put out a guide of how often men it's okay to ejaculate.
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And I was shocked at how frequently it was stated.
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Like we both were.
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We were actually rather horrified
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because like to say in one breath and the same teacher
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actually suggests that men should cultivate orgasm
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without ejaculation.
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And then on the next breath is saying, yeah,
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it's okay to come like every five days.
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And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, bitch?
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Like that's not at all in a lot in line
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with what I would take those teachings to be.
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And what I've seen in my own experience.
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And when men have really committed
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and they've gone for it to do the whole orgasm
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with that ejaculation journey,
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the proof is always in the pudding
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or at the lack thereof of the pudding.
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Meaning when they recycle channel that energy back into themselves,
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everything goes up.
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Mental performance, athletic performance,
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overall energy creativity.
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And that if you were just jerking it every few days
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or whatever ejaculating into your woman,
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every few days you would not get those kinds of benefits.
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So I was rather stumped to see that.
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And I don't even as a short sell, right?
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I've tried to get men on board.
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I still thought it was really frequent in way too.
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And like I've actually changed my, like for me,
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I would say to tune in about when it is a good time to do it,
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but overall that you don't need to.
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There's no need to just be,
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if you're following all the practices
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that I teach in the salons,
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you're learning to convert that energy into creative power.
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There's no need to be dumping it out
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just because you think you should.
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Or there's some kind of benefit to, no, there isn't.
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There isn't.
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And if you test it, the best,
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like proof is in the pudding
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and that you test it yourself, right?
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Like do a month of frequent ejaculation
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or whatever your regular norm is
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and then do a month without it and see how you feel.
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And not that it's that easy
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and that there are other ways
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that you then have to redirect that energy consciously.
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Otherwise, it's just kind of like a willpower.
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I'm not gonna do it.
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But if you're consciously channeling that energy,
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that's how you win in that practice,
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which is all about what I teach.
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So, well, that's the main thing.
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I think that one of the main things
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that guys have to get used to
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is that they are used to feeling completely obliterated
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after they come and they mistake that for as calm
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and ejaculate.
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They mistake that for relaxation.
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When really it's depletion, there's a difference.
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And so when they still are buzzing with energy after sex,
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they feel almost a compulsion to get rid of that
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because it's unfamiliar
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where what I teach is not go to the gym,
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go work out in the yard.
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Like go do go play with your kids,
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go channel that energy into something
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because that's how you're meant to feel
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after you have sex, right?
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In the words of Anthony Kunkel,
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when I said you wanna feel like you wanna run a marathon
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after sex and he literally goes and runs in their life.
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I just...
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Yes.
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I mean, that is that is so true.
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And I think that being like,
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kind of ending it around back to what we're talking about,
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having the ability to choose
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when you offer your nectar to your woman
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is very, very different from not being able to choose
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for lack of other words.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah, even that is a big accomplishment, I'd say.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, and I think that just,
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it's just one more thing to let her know
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that I'm on purpose, that I can handle this,
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that I can do this and no,
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you're not getting it tonight, sorry.
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Yeah, yeah, love it.
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Yeah, and a lot of women's, you know,
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the whole concept of women testing men,
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you know, where they push against men
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and they'll push against them just to see,
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are you going to cave and just
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be a pushover, or are you going to hold firm?
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And most of the time they don't really want you to cave.
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They don't want the thing that they look like
spk_0
they're asking for.
spk_0
They're actually just checking to see how firm is your resolve.
spk_0
And are you going to just succumb to me
spk_0
whining a little bit, right?
spk_0
Or are you going to just be like, look,
spk_0
I have a more important purpose and it supersedes this.
spk_0
And that's actually the answer we're looking for is,
spk_0
ah, sigh of relief.
spk_0
This means that I can actually trust you
spk_0
because I can't just niggle at you and throw you off course.
spk_0
Yes, and I'm so glad you brought this up
spk_0
because when I made all my shifts
spk_0
after being in your classes,
spk_0
taking all the advice, doing all the homework,
spk_0
and then things like that still were happening.
spk_0
I was like, what the hell?
spk_0
Why is this still happening?
spk_0
What things like she was testing you?
spk_0
You're testing, yes, yeah, talking about testing.
spk_0
And I had a mentor help me reframe it.
spk_0
And he said, don't look at it like she's nagging
spk_0
or she's testing you.
spk_0
Look at it as if she's flirting with you.
spk_0
And when you reframe that too, she's flirting with you,
spk_0
it then it becomes a game and holding fire,
spk_0
holding steady, allowing the masculinity just to like,
spk_0
don't look even more.
spk_0
That becomes like this game and it's no longer
spk_0
an us versus them frame.
spk_0
It's a, you know, it's, I'm not gonna,
spk_0
like I don't have to win this battle.
spk_0
It's, oh, she's flirting with me.
spk_0
Let's do this.
spk_0
So what would be an example if you can think of one
spk_0
where she was giving you that kind of testing energy
spk_0
and you were able to pivot and reframe
spk_0
instead of getting either offended
spk_0
or irritated or triggered that you could take it
spk_0
like a flirting gesture and do a sort of Chi Gong Tai Chi,
spk_0
you know, push back but actually segue that
spk_0
into something positive.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Man, I have to search the depths here.
spk_0
So this is like a really,
spk_0
maybe seem like a silly example.
spk_0
But even, I don't let her drive me,
spk_0
you know, anywhere.
spk_0
Unless it's like, there's something wrong
spk_0
or it's just like in a pinch.
spk_0
But for most of the time, I don't,
spk_0
I just don't let her drive me.
spk_0
And she's in the driver's seat
spk_0
and does not want to get out.
spk_0
And for whatever reason or something, you know,
spk_0
just thinking about it from a flirtatious, you know,
spk_0
point, I was able to not freak out and demand
spk_0
and try to control and do all these things
spk_0
and just allow my essence to come through
spk_0
and then playfully lead her out of the driver's seat
spk_0
and into the passenger seat.
spk_0
And I know that's like just a small example,
spk_0
but little things like that,
spk_0
I think we've talked about this in previous podcasts
spk_0
where it's beta by 1,000 cuts, right?
spk_0
And so that might seem really small and insignificant
spk_0
to maybe somebody listening to this,
spk_0
but it's still pretty major
spk_0
because if you add up that scene 10 times,
spk_0
100 times, she loses all respect
spk_0
and she's like, no, you can't lead me, right?
spk_0
And so you have like in that situation
spk_0
that could have got really ugly
spk_0
if we were pre-anami, right?
spk_0
It would just be like, budding heads,
spk_0
but shifting that frame to its flirting
spk_0
and then stepping up in a way to lead her out of the car
spk_0
and into the other, you know, the passenger seat,
spk_0
to surrender and let your husband lead the chariot
spk_0
and you know, lead you to the ball, whatever it is,
spk_0
that was, I think that was probably one of the first times
spk_0
that I was able to do that and it turned,
spk_0
it really for such a small and kind of like silly incident,
spk_0
it really gave me the confidence to do that
spk_0
with other things, maybe more serious things.
spk_0
Maybe, yeah.
spk_0
So how would you say that you lead her in the bedrooms?
spk_0
She never has to ask me if I want to have sex.
spk_0
She never has to be the one initiating.
spk_0
I'm always embarrassing our kids,
spk_0
grabbing her ass, creating the simmer, if you will.
spk_0
All these things that you talk about in your salons,
spk_0
I practice those a lot and drive by kisses
spk_0
and lots of touching, lots of grabbing,
spk_0
all of these things to make her feel wanted.
spk_0
So that's the first thing is that she never has to ask.
spk_0
And then once we're in the bedroom,
spk_0
it's take charge.
spk_0
It's been so long, I think probably even before
spk_0
we ever did any anomaly type stuff,
spk_0
I rarely let her even get on top.
spk_0
Unless we're doing something like a certain position
spk_0
to reach a G spot or something like that,
spk_0
I'm always on top.
spk_0
I'm always, like sometimes she'll just be like,
spk_0
oh, I want to go down and you know, I was like, too bad.
spk_0
I want you, you know, and I'll grab her and I'll,
spk_0
you know, I'll take charge.
spk_0
She's like, oh, but I really wanted to go down and you know,
spk_0
I was like, I'm sorry, that's, that's not what's happening tonight.
spk_0
So taking charge in the bedroom and not letting her make decisions
spk_0
and just it's kind of like being at the restaurant
spk_0
and ordering for her except we're doing it in the bedroom.
spk_0
And I think that is, that's huge for her because
spk_0
there'll be times where she won't even, you know,
spk_0
maybe she's not in the mood or whatnot.
spk_0
And it might be four or five in the morning,
spk_0
but I just grab her and I'm, you know, pulling clothes off of her.
spk_0
And that act probably gets her more wet than almost anything else.
spk_0
And she always tells me afterwards.
spk_0
She's like, you know, do you feel how wet I was?
spk_0
You see how wet I was?
spk_0
And it's because I feel so wanted when you do that to me.
spk_0
You know, when I'm ravishing her, it makes her just surrender
spk_0
and just the water works and everything.
spk_0
You know, because I took charge. I led.
spk_0
Yeah, it's just, I don't know, not a whole lot of different ways to say that.
spk_0
But just, I mean, it's really just the animal thing just like, no, I'm sorry.
spk_0
We're having sex.
spk_0
I'm pulling off your panties and we're going.
spk_0
Well, you're not sorry.
spk_0
It's the key.
spk_0
So how about spirits of leadership?
spk_0
How do you see that?
spk_0
How does that unfold in your relationship?
spk_0
So after doing a lot of the work that you taught and the demon haunting and the escaping of my own inflicted prisons, you know, just trauma and the way that I thought and the way that my nervous system was wired, all of these things.
spk_0
I was able to move on to like bigger and better things.
spk_0
Instead of just always fighting with the trash that I was dealing with, you know, while the trauma and all that stuff.
spk_0
When you're free of that and you take the advice that you talk about in these slons, like the demon haunting, the shadow work, the finding, the different modalities.
spk_0
To help you out, which you list so many beautiful ones in there, beautiful.
spk_0
That opens the door to then reach higher and get to a different level.
spk_0
You know, instead of just maintaining your opening new possibilities, new channels of downloading information and all those things.
spk_0
And so Meg has seen me just like I did with your work.
spk_0
I'm like kamikaze artist, like I just go 100% 1000% and I just like I go for it, you know.
spk_0
And so I do that with everything in this in the spiritual world too.
spk_0
And Meg sees me do that.
spk_0
And instead of me having to say, come on with me, come on, let's do this together, which I used to do.
spk_0
Incessantly before SML and before CT and all those things.
spk_0
Let's do this together. Let's learn this together and it was always together together together.
spk_0
And I was never leading. Now I can look back and understand why she probably should do that stuff with me.
spk_0
You know, it was like it was probably coming off as just needy.
spk_0
But now I've carved my own path to these spiritual teachings.
spk_0
And there's some of it having to do with that internal orgasm that we talked about before.
spk_0
That has a lot to do with spiritual learnings, in my opinion.
spk_0
And then there was one there was one time where I was at a seminar and there was something being offered there in Mexico into Luma, Mexico.
spk_0
And it was about ego disillusion.
spk_0
And probably one of the first times I just texted her and I said, I'm going to sign up for this thing.
spk_0
You need to trust me and don't ask how much it costs, but we're going.
spk_0
And leading up to it, she was so concerned about the price of it and what are we going to do with the kids and getting them situated?
spk_0
What are we going to do with the dogs and all that kind of stuff? But when we got there and we're walking on the beach after the first two days or so, she grabbed my hand and she was like, I want to thank you for making me go and for leading me here.
spk_0
Because this is the first time in my life that I've ever felt gratitude.
spk_0
And it was so profound for her.
spk_0
And so now, because she sees that I'm making better decisions, because I'm leading with more authority and guided spiritually and all these things, she can now trust that.
spk_0
But when I jump into something, it's just not a, oh Jim, he's trying this.
spk_0
And let's see what happens. It'll probably, you know, stop doing it after two weeks or two months or anything like that.
spk_0
No, she experienced this and it ripped her head off in a good way.
spk_0
And now she can trust me now because she sees me leading in the proper direction.
spk_0
And so she's been able to do some things spiritually and journey wise that she always tells me she's like, if I would have thought five years ago, you told me I would be doing this in like the spiritual realm.
spk_0
And I would be feeling all these things for the first time in my life. She's like, I would have thought you were crazy.
spk_0
So it's that part of my leadership has been, it's been amplified because, because of the work that I put in that I learned from you.
spk_0
I'm now making better decisions in my life so that when she sees me do things, it's curiosity, not annoyance.
spk_0
Does that make sense?
spk_0
Yeah, you've earned that trust that your direction is somewhere she'll want to go and is for the benefit of the relationship that she'll default to that as the first reaction rather than the first reaction being skepticism.
spk_0
Yes, yeah.
spk_0
And now it's like, I mean, that's probably the second big thing because the first thing was coming together.
spk_0
And once you got through that and saw that, okay.
spk_0
Meaning you were by that, Jeannie, you were the person who brought the coming together salon to her.
spk_0
Yes, I did.
spk_0
spk_0
Right.
spk_0
Yes, and she was like, who's this Kim and Naomi person and who wants to suck your dick all the time?
spk_0
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
spk_0
Who's this carnival sex all this kind of stuff come find out what you were carnival sex.
spk_0
What?
spk_0
What's that?
spk_0
Carnival or carnival?
spk_0
What did you just say?
spk_0
Carnival.
spk_0
Carnival.
spk_0
What's that?
spk_0
It's fun, like just crazy fun sex.
spk_0
Okay, okay.
spk_0
That's a lot of fun sex.
spk_0
But that was the first thing that she could begin to trust me leading because it panned out.
spk_0
But I do then so hard with everything that you taught and recommended.
spk_0
It allowed me to make better choices in my life.
spk_0
And better leadership choices.
spk_0
So I'm attracting better mentors, better, better, better texts to read.
spk_0
All of these different things are now becoming a part of my life with follow through.
spk_0
And they're not what's the word false profits or I don't know if there's a better word for that, but Charlottesons or you know what I mean?
spk_0
I'm finding really, really great people and mentors.
spk_0
I've gotten closer with you.
spk_0
All of these things because I'm leading better because I have a better internal compass because I've shed so much of the garbage that I thought was real.
spk_0
I've kind of broken through the illusion of all the crap that I believed.
spk_0
And that has absolutely 100% allowed me to lead and find great spiritual leaders, spiritual practices and mentors.
spk_0
I love that.
spk_0
So how about day to day in your day to day Monday in life? How are you leading?
spk_0
So it used to be before Kim and Ami that she would literally have to nag me to do a lot of things.
spk_0
And not so much as testing, just because I just I lacked purpose, you know, lacked motivation.
spk_0
So were you just in your own kind of feel story for yourself spiral that you wouldn't do those things or was there a passive aggressive component to that of resenting her where you know what I mean?
spk_0
These were things that you knew were part of your responsibilities, but you're not doing them. Or do you think a mix of both?
spk_0
I think the resentment for her led to depression and not sureking my duties.
spk_0
It wasn't like I'm not going to do this because you know, I resent her or I'm not happy in my relationship.
spk_0
It was I'm not happy in my relationship, which added compounded to the, I guess, depression or fog that you live in, which then would just lose motivation, lack of purpose, lack of leadership, and then you just not doing things.
spk_0
So now after Kim and Ami and finding purpose and leading the things that I do during the day when she's not around, there was just something I think two weeks ago where we had talked about something.
spk_0
And then I said, no, I already did that. And she's like, oh, really? I didn't even know, you know, I didn't know.
spk_0
So it's those things where you're, you're like surprising her almost because she's not taking initiative.
spk_0
You're doing things without asking your anticipating and that was something that she was not used to before, you know, before the principles of SMM and things like that and leading.
spk_0
So those things, it's doing those things, it's actually doing the things that even when she is present and seeing, you know, not just the things that are off camera, we'll call it off camera, but even the things that are on camera, and I'm still doing those.
spk_0
It's how do I want to say that it's a difference between saying I'm gonna or I did it like I don't have to say I did this, I did this, I did this to make her feel like I'm doing something.
spk_0
It's the actions that are showing her and that's a huge difference because words don't mean shit.
spk_0
I love the theme of anticipation because I think when the masculine is really in that pure space and functioning from there, it does become about anticipation, right, before she's even thought about it.
spk_0
You know, we talk about these examples of what a man sets a date, whether in early stage relationship or longstanding relationship, the way you said a date is we're going out Thursday, be ready at eight, where a cocktail dress, right?
spk_0
That's what you got and then you plan the event, you plan everything out, she just needs to show up, right?
spk_0
But you're doing this higher level anticipation that I think is really the gift of the masculine and that impacts a woman on a whole other level, right, of these they become almost invisible, but they end up revealing themselves at some point, actions that the man takes to really set something up and take care of her needs,
spk_0
that in a way that she couldn't have even perhaps planned herself.
spk_0
And then you can also do that because you know her so well, right?
spk_0
You know, you pay attention, you've gotten to know the essence of her and her likes and dislikes that you can competently do that with somebody, you know, even early on in a relationship that would be a really strong sign of confidence, but also sensitivity, perception, paying attention, right?
spk_0
I am deeply interested in the core of who you are and I'm listening and I'm watching and I'm going to show you that I see it, that I see you, nothing fucking sexy, not that.
spk_0
And that's something I never got before working with you, just the idea of I had such an internal wiring of wanting to shout out my achievements and look what I did,
spk_0
look what I did, and that was coming from such a place of internal lack of confidence, lack of belief, lack of self love and looking for approval from from her or anyone else.
spk_0
And so when you're able to turn those tables and you're doing things that align with your purpose, again, just being this masculine, like allowing this divine masculine energy to flow through.
spk_0
Even just with that purpose, not talking about the vocational stuff, when you're doing all of these things, you don't have to shout it from the rooftop and say, look at me, look at me, it just, it's like we talked about before with the internal orgasms, it shows up in the room before you enter.
spk_0
It's something you wear, you end up, you earn and you internalize the benefits of the, and the wisdom of the achievement you've just come to or not come to you, but, and then you wear that energy and that energy is perceived by everyone around you.
spk_0
So even if these small things that you do or baked things are not, you're not advertising them. And maybe your woman doesn't even notice or she notices like a month later that you did the thing that was lurking in the ethars, you finally did it, you know, that, yeah, yeah, you wear that as a, we called cock fidens, right, where you are integrating, you're acting from a place of integrity, you're taking care of business, you're initiating, you're doing your job, you're doing your job, you're not doing anything to you, you're doing your job.
spk_0
duty and rule as a man and yeah the benefit comes into you as your whole aura is the
spk_0
well fucked man.
spk_0
Yeah, and you know I you really triggered a really good point is I think you keep expressing
spk_0
something so beautifully about how you wear these things and when you talk about leading
spk_0
your woman I think so much of it has to do with you wearing all of these things because
spk_0
when they become a part of your nervous system and you're subconsciously wearing all of these
spk_0
energies.
spk_0
I don't care who you are, I don't care who the female is across from you.
spk_0
There's going to be a natural leadership that's emanating from the masculine and a natural
spk_0
surrender from the woman and it has to do with wearing these energies that you keep talking
spk_0
about and I think that's so beautiful that you were that you've articulated it like
spk_0
that.
spk_0
Well, that's where the whole well fucked woman meme concept came from is that it became
spk_0
an rick transformation in women who were being truly deeply well fucked where they changed
spk_0
and it became visible to me.
spk_0
I began to see it and feel it in people and then the same thing happens in men.
spk_0
But when you're inhabiting that energy strongly enough that it begins to change your visible
spk_0
appearance but your aura appearance as well because we have these stories of women being
spk_0
on the other side of the road and men over four lanes of traffic like galloping across the
spk_0
road to go and ask these women for their number where they can barely see their appearance.
spk_0
Like, he might feel like, okay, she looks hot maybe, right?
spk_0
But it's more like it's even stronger than that.
spk_0
It's an aura that's being radiated out into the world.
spk_0
So yeah, I love all of that because it really goes beyond any of that like we said, like
spk_0
the need to try to, the telling versus showing, right?
spk_0
Is that you can really trust that if you're doing the deep inner work, it's being shown
spk_0
on more levels than you can even imagine.
spk_0
Like this invisible but very palpable signal that's being broadcast out into the ethos.
spk_0
And then the opposite happens when you're not showing up, when you are shirking yourself,
spk_0
when you're not inhabiting yourself, you become more like a vortex or black hole that sucking
spk_0
things into it and becomes almost like the same way that we talk about the might as touch
spk_0
and people who are well-fucked where everything they touch begins to turn to gold.
spk_0
Relationship opportunities, business opportunities, cash just falls into their laps.
spk_0
Like these things are all this cumulative effect.
spk_0
And then the opposite happens when you're in a dark, not connected to yourself, dissociated
spk_0
place is almost like one bad thing after another, right?
spk_0
Like a pile up of things you couldn't even imagine.
spk_0
And then that's been such a huge piece of my work is showing people the relationship between
spk_0
these things.
spk_0
Right, so when you're under-fucked, you are drawing everything into like a black hole,
spk_0
you know, a just non-stop.
spk_0
And then when you're well-fucked, the opposite happens.
spk_0
The energy was inverted.
spk_0
Now it's being expressed out into the world.
spk_0
And it's like paving the way in front of you and magnetizing all kinds of incredible,
spk_0
abundant, miraculous even situations into your orc field.
spk_0
I think there's a few points that I think tie into this is that when you're leading as the
spk_0
masculine and you're wearing all of these energies, there becomes like when you have that
spk_0
coquitance in you, you're no longer comparing yourself to other people.
spk_0
So like when you walk or you know with a room full of guys, you're like, oh, he's taller
spk_0
than me or he's got more muscles or you know, whatever, that stops because you're wearing
spk_0
like all these energies within yourself and you have that trust in yourself, that belief in
spk_0
yourself and the confidence in yourself, that you're only comparing yourself to who you were.
spk_0
And when you go through these salons with you, if you're just comparing yourself to who you
spk_0
were before the salon, to who you are now, that's all you need to compare yourself to because
spk_0
nothing else fricking matters, you know. And so there's it and when your woman sees and feels
spk_0
that energy that you're no longer sizing up people in the room, that is a sexy, that's a very
spk_0
sexy attribution that you have, which again, all of these things build up to induce her to surrender.
spk_0
The day-to-day things, the spiritual leadership, the bedroom leadership, but then all of that stuff
spk_0
that you've done accumulates into this beautiful energy that you're wearing and she sees you in a
spk_0
room with other people and people are like magnetically attracted to you. Then it's again adding to
spk_0
the things that are making her wet, you know. And I think the last thing kind of to do with
spk_0
these points that I just thought about was that when you're leading, it comes from a place from
spk_0
what a mentor described to me as authority. And when you are not wearing all these energies,
spk_0
you are leading from a place of posture. And that means like you're bifte cannon from back to the
spk_0
future, you know, like you're the bull ate, you're, and that is not going to get you anywhere with
spk_0
your spouse or your partner or anything like that. Who's going to want to take lead, take let
spk_0
somebody else take the lead who's an asshole who's posturing because they're they're hurt or they
spk_0
you know, they're projecting all their stuff onto you. Trying to
spk_0
what I would say probably somebody in that posture thing is like almost belittling, you know,
spk_0
and you're like, no, you will follow me and it's like very combative. But when you are wearing all
spk_0
these beautiful energies, the divine masculine is flowing and you have a certain authority about
spk_0
you. That is truth, right? It's not you're not pretending that you have authority because
spk_0
you know, the other person subconscious can sniff that out in a second, right? You're just like
spk_0
something's just not that right, you know, not right about this guy. Sure he looks good. He's
spk_0
in, you know, you can tell he goes to the gym, but just something's not right. But when you have all
spk_0
these things in alignment and you have that authority, the leadership that you're able to
spk_0
exude is intoxicating for a female. And it's truth, it's not true, it's truth with a capital T.
spk_0
Right? And I think that's something that her essence, her divine feminine is picking up on that
spk_0
frequency. Yeah, I would agree with that. So for you, the definition of capital T truth is
spk_0
is living a life of authority and living a life of purpose on purpose.
spk_0
When you say authority, I'm going to assume you're me like inner authority. Yes, confidence,
spk_0
discipline, leadership, gratitude, enjoyment. That's something I learned from a mentor of mine.
spk_0
And I think those are universal truths. There's a few other rungs to that triangle. But
spk_0
when you have that, you don't, you know, there's not like a duality in your life, right? You're not
spk_0
hiding something. Before Kim and I, I would show up and perform, try to perform, right? Wearing a mask
spk_0
that I was, you know, this guy, but it was living a dual life because when I'm off camera around
spk_0
any, but I know that I'm not that person. But if you are able to shift your life, and again,
spk_0
going through SMM, couples coming together, all those things, and you shift your life,
spk_0
and now you have purpose. You have these spiritual energies, you have these internal sexual energies,
spk_0
and then you have like discipline. This room looked like a hoarder's room before. I mean,
spk_0
literally, it took me days and like so many trips to the dump. And this is a perfect example.
spk_0
I had just, I, you know, I'd finished SMM. And you know, like my stamina was up and all these things,
spk_0
but there was still something, you know, when Meg, she wouldn't even come into this room.
spk_0
So how am I supposed to lead her when there's leakage in there? That's not absolute truth. That's
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not truth for the capital T. So you have to be on point with all these different areas of your life.
spk_0
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Sense? Yeah. Fabulous. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So any parting words, anything you haven't touched on?
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Yes. I think that it's very important that when you get to the top of the mountain,
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there will be challenges. And you know, that's something that I think it's good to be open about.
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Like, it's not utopia, you know, every day, every week, it's not utopia. There's always going to be
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challenges. And Meg and I actually have run into one recently, where through circumstances,
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I'm not going to bore anybody with, but it costs challenges, right, in the relationship.
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And I went to my mentor and I was like, man, I'm doing all these things, but she's kind of seeing
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me as the guy before I went through Kim and Ami's salons and all this kind of stuff.
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Will she ever see me differently? How, like, what's happening? Because I'm kind of going back into
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some mild habits. What do I do? I wanted, you know, to lead, you know, be this masculine, this guy
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in the ultimate polarity and doing all the leading and all that kind of stuff. And when there was a
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hiccup and there was maybe like a little bit of lack of faith or something like that that was
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triggered in Meg, it kind of set me on a little bit of a spiral because I'd never dealt with that
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before because I'd never been in that such a high position of leadership, right? And what really
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has like started to really turn it around was understanding, it's all the things that we talked about,
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but it was like a new perspective shift. So like doing all the things off camera, doing the things
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unexpectedly that she doesn't notice, I think before I was doing it for her 100% and I wasn't
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getting the gratitude for myself for doing it. And so when there was a hiccup, all that leadership
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was, it got knocked out of petritude, right? So with the perspective shift, with the challenge
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there to understand that, no, get that that hit from yourself knowing that you're doing all the
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things and you are doing the leadership things and you don't have to again get on the mountain
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and tell her about it. And when you do that, you can hold fire for her, right? You can hold steady
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for her because before I was looking at this challenge as everything was about her and trying to
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lead her, right? But instead when I focused on it, but is that also about wanting her approval?
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Yeah, yeah, so like I was definitely wanting her approval and so that was like a chink in my
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armor that I had to learn, right? Like that was the rewards, like you know, we talk about dopamine
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reward, that's you're getting that from her rather than just sourcing it internally and trusting
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that that's not. Yeah, and so that was one of the things that I think as I was making these changes
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and going through the slons, it was like one of the pieces that I did not that I missed, I think,
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in those lessons. And so when, because I was focused on doing the things, right? And not where,
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and what and not thinking about what that generated. And so I was able to have somebody else say,
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no, no, no, no, no, you're doing all the things, but now just get that hit from yourself and just
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understand. And so what was really amazing is that the other night I went through and I was able
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to just have an amazing session myself and generate tons of internal orgasms, right? And it just
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kept happening and like I couldn't control it anymore for like an hour it kept happening, right?
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And it was one of those things where when I was in my session, I was really focusing on
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creating dopamine from self-love, right? And that's what triggered a lot of these internal orgasms.
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Like I was, I was having internal orgasms from loving myself, which was mind-blowing. And so
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I sat with them. Let's just pause, hang on, pause here for a sec, because we've talked about this
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before, you know, sometimes people get blocks around self-pleasuring, particularly women, but
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even for men like to pivot on, okay, if you're not masturbating to porn and you're not fantasizing,
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well, what do you do? What does this work? And so we've had this conversation before about, well,
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you actually find a way to get hot for yourself. Like you are coming home wildly passionately,
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way you come home to a lover and you're so excited to get into bed with yourself. And people have
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described it as being hot for themselves. Like the way they have the same like, oh, shivers,
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like how wait to get there, you know? So expand that a bit for me because I feel like that's a really
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key piece and it might seem kind of abstract for people, but it we're talking literally like you
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are turned on by this idea of loving yourself. So can you explain that more for people? Because I
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think it's really, really important and not something people would naturally think about, you know,
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as a path to peace. That's one thing that I didn't understand. I don't think I was ready to
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understand when I went through SMM, you know, there's this, you can go through. Well, you have
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to be close to loving yourself. Like if you're so far away from loving yourself, which again is a
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phrase that we turn out very cliche, all the tall, you just got to love yourself, bringing loves. Yeah,
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okay, right. But what does that fucking mean? Exactly. Like I hear it's so abstract, but until you get
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there, which I think is especially for men, the journey of integrity, doing what you say you're
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going to do, purpose, all the things we've been talking about. And you build that up and you have
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an accumulation of all those things that become that starts to just feel and be worn as self-love.
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So you have to have, you have to be close enough to it to then be able to experience it as a
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desire for the self because you're already been building it. I can tell you right now, just talking
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about this. My like, sacral chakra is getting cool right now. I can feel it in my prostate and my
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pelvic floor, expanding and getting like, not full on like sexual orgasm, but it's just like,
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it's creating this feeling in me right now of like, just talking about it. And so,
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there was a point where through like spiritual practices, we'll call it, that I was able to feel
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this immense and intense love for myself. And through some of these practices, my intentions were
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understand like wanting to understand how to create that self-love, just working at it and
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working at it and working at it. And when you have that first internal orgasm,
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and then instead of just kind of relaxing into it and I don't know, thinking about whatever,
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my intention went even stronger internally to say, oh my god, I love myself enough to do this.
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And then, boom, another one. And then you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that I just,
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you know, I finished this demand letter. And then, boom, it's like, I had another one. And so,
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like, it became about me and appreciating all the things in my journey of what I did. And really,
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just, I mean, sounds weird, cheesy, but becoming in love with myself, like you described. And so,
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you know, for a couple of nights, as I went to bed after that session where they were just like,
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uncontrollable and they just kept coming and coming. Like, I was out of breath. I was exhausted. My
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abs were tired. All of these things, I was like, she was laughing her ass off. Because I was literally,
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I was sitting on the couch with my boys when we were just like having, you know, trying to have
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some family time. And my legs would all of a sudden cross. And then my feet would like curl back
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and they're like, are you alright? I can just be like biting your lip. But, yeah, like, they're
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just orgasmic aftershelves. We're gonna be having them for the next 40 hours. What else do you mean,
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and just loving myself and appreciating my family and whatever, you know, everything that
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built and they kept getting stronger and stronger. But the next few nights, I could just sit in my bed
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and do some of the breathing that you taught us. And I would get to the point where I'm feeling,
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look, it's probably stronger than I am now. But it was not quite there to like orgasmic level.
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But even without any self pleasure at all, just through breathing techniques to generate that
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of, but it's like the full body internal of loving yourself. So it'd be like self pleasureing and
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like being on your way to that internal organism. But I did not touch myself at all. There was no
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self pleasure and it was purely learning or, you know, expanding upon that learned feeling of
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loving yourself to get to that point. And I think that is for any man that's going through
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SMM to not get frustrated. Because there are some guys in there that go through it and like they're
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like the third day that they're like, yep, I got the internal orgasm and you're just like going,
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what is he doing? What is he doing? And it was constant, constant dedication to the practices that
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you taught that finally got me there. And that was it. And even thinking about that while you're
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like self pleasureing or you're in that spiritual realm and you're developing these internal
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energetic orgasms, that is, you know, that's something that I would think about is, man, I worked on
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this and I didn't give up. And you know, I always talk about that if people aren't progressing at the
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rate that they want to, they've missed something. It's not that the steps are wrong, the methodologies
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wrong. It's like somewhere you've got a big block that has yet to be dissolved, right? And in this case,
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I love to hear all of this from you that we could say, and this is probably true for so many people,
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that one of the biggest blocks would be not loving yourself deeply, right? And not really falling
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in love with yourself, which then even translates into a sexual desire. And then whatever it takes for
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you to do that. And if you're someone who's been living a life of where you're not fully inhabiting
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yourself or your masculinity or your integrity, then there could be a lot of amend making to do,
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both to yourself and the people around you to get across that threshold, right? By pass and or
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go through whatever alchemy that has to heal internal shame, regret, right? Where we can then get to a
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place of firmly owning where we are and who we are. And we've put enough now, we've paved the road
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with enough good karma and enough solid integrity that we can. We can firmly get where past the
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place of feeling regret or embarrassment and standing strongly in pride, you know? And like
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happen like pride of proud of ourselves for where we've come to and how we've gotten there and what
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we've done. And that's the self love that then kicks it into the other dimension. Where now we're
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in that place where we can achieve these things because we've built it, right? If you build it,
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it will come. And here's the key to expand on that point and talk about like maybe the struggle that I
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just had gone through or I'm going through. I thought that I had built that strong foundation
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after doing all the work, but there was that one piece missing that wasn't truth yet. I thought it
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was true that I don't know what's work and I love myself and you know kept telling myself that, but
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I thought it was true, but it wasn't truth. And so now as we get through this challenge,
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my foundation is so much more rock solid that if something like how this happens again,
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like I know nothing will stop me because of that because of that deep love. And like you said,
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not just love, but being in love with yourself, that so much so that you can shed masks and
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shed performance where you are giving the zero fucks given, like how you really describe a
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well-fucked woman or the well-fucked man walking in through life of my brother sent a meme to the
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family and it was like some dude ripping off his sunglasses and walking like this and it was like
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the family member coming to start shit, you know, and he said, right? And he said,
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you know, this is my family calls me Jimmy. This is Jimmy coming, you know, to the holidays or
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something. And so what's happening is that's radiating, I didn't say that to anybody, right? But that
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that level of internal love has raised so much that now the leadership and leading and the
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polarity that comes with it is now seeping past Meg and other people are noticing. But I really,
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I just don't want people to get this idea that this is some four to five year process. I came in
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just an absolutely broken human being and the timeline is so much more compressed for the
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average man coming in here. I just I had so much catching up. I was like, if you think of it like a
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race, I was like five laps behind the leader. And so I think just again knowing so many men
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past and present who go through SMM, they are seeing results during the salon shortly after the
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salon because their situation is not like mine, you know, I just I was very honest with myself
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and I knew that I needed help and I knew that I didn't know how to be all these things because
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I was never taught and I was just it was all foreign to me. And when something's foreign to you
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and you have tons of trauma built up and you have this idea, this you believe in the solution that
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you're broken, it just it took me longer and that's it's not that's not typical right.
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Right. Well, it's a testament to you as and it's true, people come into this work at all kinds
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of different levels, right? And some people can just speed right through it, other people take longer
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and it's a testament to you to really sticking with it. And look, generally there's there's
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winds along the way, right? There's breakthroughs along the way that keep your faith, okay, this works.
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But yeah, to have these larger goals and take longer than average, I would imagine would be challenging.
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But again, kudos to you for sticking with it and realizing that they're just symbolic of some kind
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of block, right? If you're applying the tools and the tools work, then there's just more to plow
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through before you get those sort of revelations and bigger breakthroughs that we're all looking for.
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Yeah, and I think you just you don't know what you don't know and there's some guys or I would say
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most guys that walk through here and walk through these salons, they just they already embody
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a lot of the masculinity or even if they don't, they're ready. I wasn't ready. I knew that I needed it,
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but I just I didn't know that I wasn't ready or it would take this long, you know. So like you said,
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you just there's winds along the way, it peels back the layers and then it's just it's like, oh,
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all right, let's keep going, right? Next, next, next. And then you end up on, you know, and then you
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and anyway, you know, you end up being interviewed as an ulster. That's right. But you know,
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here's the other thing, Kim too, like how many times we heard that it's it's not about the destination,
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it's about the jury. And I we've talked about so many cliché things tonight, you know, like sayings
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and stuff and I know that sounds cliché, but that is that's true. And I would, you know,
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would I have it any other way? Hell yeah, I can at least like appreciate and gratitude for
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everything that I've been through. Yeah, yeah, love it. What a great way to round this out to get to
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this theme of one of the big Rosetta stone pieces of the foundation that if that's not in place
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in a very genuine truthful, deep way, then you can be doing all the techniques. And that's the
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beautiful thing is that the techniques and the work builds the self love, right? So if you're not
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there yet, that's okay, you can get there, you can build it, you can rebuild or maybe someone's
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never had it, right? Or doesn't know the depths of what that really means, like to let like,
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I think most of us don't because that word, that phrase kind of means fucking nothing, right? Like
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you just have to love yourself more like what? Right? But to really be in love and even then get
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to like in last with yourself because you're so fucking hot, right? Like deeply inwardly, you
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respect and love and adore yourself. That is a whole other level that I don't think most people
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ever really got to. And I feel blessed and honored that I was able to touch that, you know, in this
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lifetime. And can I just say one more thing too is that how important your salons and your teachings
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were to me being in this spot right now, like you were the spark, like to everything that
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propelled me to, you know, all the highs and lows and the trajectory, you know, the trajectory was
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always up, but you were the spark and your teachings. And I can finally see before going through
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some of this stuff and having the foundation and love, it would be, I wouldn't be worried about
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you taking this the wrong way. But I can honestly sit here and say that you were the spark,
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but I did the fucking work, right? You didn't do it for me. And I, I owe so much to you,
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but I did the work, you know? Yeah. Well, that's what I would want you to say. I mean, that's how
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I see myself. I'm happy to be the spark, but I can't do it for you. I can inspire you and give
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you some direction, but you have that was where I was before the spot. And I can say that that was
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that was one of the chinks in my my leadership, Barbara, you know, oh my god. What's what's good
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what's Kim? They're things she's going to think I'm selfish or you know, I'm not giving her credit.
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But no, you were the spark, you were the teacher, you're the muse, you were the inspiration, but I
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fucking did it. Love that. Wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, it has to be that way. And the
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irony is like, sometimes people think they can just watch some videos, right? And like just by
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watching sitting down for an hour, that's going to do it. It's like, no, get to work, get to bed,
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motherfucker. Like that's where that's where your enlightenment and your breakthroughs are really
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going to happen. There are no shortcuts to doing the work. Well, maybe there are. Maybe I can give
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you some quantum leap shortcuts, like some quicker pathways. Okay, I'll give you that. But ultimately,
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yes, you have to show up and do the work. And can't be scared to stumble and trip and fall because
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when I was learning about stamina and leading in the bedroom, you know, I stumbled at fell. There
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were weeks where I couldn't even get hard because I was like, oh my god, the responsibility that I
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have now that I didn't know before I had you before I met Kim and Ami. And all of these things,
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I just kept powering through and working through it with myself and my wife and you. And I wasn't
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scared to make mistakes or fail or be honest in the salon calls, be like, you know, hey, I'm having
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this trouble. What's going on? Or can you have any advice or anything like that? And so I would
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highly suggest that to any guy to just be open to yourself and to other men in the group when you go
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through SMM to like, you're not going to be perfect. You know, there's new things that you're
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going to do. And you know what? You can't get to, you got to strike out how many times before you
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get the home run or whatever the cliche is, right? Yeah. Yeah. And be willing to be vulnerable. That's
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what I hear you saying too, to show up to say, okay, I don't know this. I haven't mastered this,
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which is, it's a hard thing to do. Honestly, like to admit being a novice in some areas of your life,
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right? Like to being a learner, especially if there's people around you who are seemingly much more
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advanced and maybe it looks like they're having faster, greater success and you like, fuck. And then
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you have to like admit, okay, like, here I am where I am. I need some help, right? So it is a big thing.
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And it's a brave thing. That's right. Well, thank you, Jim. As always, it's a pleasure. And you've
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left so many pathways and suggestions for wisdom and how to pull through on all of this stuff. And
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I so appreciate you sharing intimately. Thank you so much for having me. It's always an honor and a
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pleasure to be with you. Sexual mastery for men is now open for registration. And it closes later
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Topics Covered
orgasmic enlightenment
holistic sex coach
vaginal weightlifting
sexual energy
neuroscience and tantra
masculine leadership
purpose in relationships
internal orgasm
masculine and feminine polarity
self-actualization
gourmet sex
relationship dynamics
trust in relationships
surprise date ideas
leading with purpose