Lifestyle
The Power of Style: How Clothes Can Change Your Energy with Maeve Reilly
In this episode of 'The Power of Style,' host Jay Chetty sits down with renowned stylist Maeve Reilly, known for her work with celebrities like Hailey Bieber and Megan Fox. They explore how ...
The Power of Style: How Clothes Can Change Your Energy with Maeve Reilly
Lifestyle •
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Interactive Transcript
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This is an I Heart Podcast.
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Hey, I'm Jay Chetty, host of The On Purpose Podcast.
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I had the incredible opportunity to sit down with the one, the only Cardi B.
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My marriage, I felt the love dying.
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I was crying every day.
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I felt in the deepest depression that I had ever had.
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This **** was not given to me.
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I worked my ass off for me.
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Listen to On Purpose with Jay Chetty on the I Heart Radio R, Apple Podcast,
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or wherever you get your podcast.
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I love that you created a system that revolves around you creating pockets of peace.
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World Mental Health Day is around the corner.
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And on my podcast, just heal with Dr. Jay.
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I dive into what it really means to care for your mind, body, and spirit.
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From breaking generational patterns to building emotional capacity.
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I'm gonna walk away feeling like, yes, I'm gonna continue my healing journey.
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Listen to Jess Hill with Dr. Jay from the Black Effect Podcast Network
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on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
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Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene.
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The podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free.
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I'm Ebene.
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In every Tuesday, I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that will challenge your perceptions
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and give you new insight on the people around you.
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Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect
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Podcast Network tune in on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast,
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or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
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Someone's building that new wardrobe.
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Okay.
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What awesome essential you're seeing this year.
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The jelly shoes are coming back.
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I never saw that happening.
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I also can't believe that flip flops are back.
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I've been there.
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This week's guest is Mae Riley.
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She is the powerhouse stylist behind some of the most unforgettable looks on red carpets.
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Maeve is styled icon like Hayley Bieber, Megan Fox, and Janelle Monane.
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What's trending right now that you love?
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And is it a trend that you started?
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That's funny.
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Okay, what trends are you really disliking right now?
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Ooh, you know the capris are coming back and I'm curious.
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Okay, I'm curious.
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I feel like you could style them.
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I'm such a believer in like our challenging times are usually the moments
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where we grow the most.
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Anytime I've been in like the darkest place,
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it's brought me to the next best sort of like level.
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Yeah.
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The heart breaks or whatever like it feels like you're down here.
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But then you if you do the work and you really use it as an opportunity to learn and grow,
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you can really up level.
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I'm Riley W. K.
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And on my podcast, a really good cry.
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We embrace the real, the messy, and the beautiful.
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Providing a space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability
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and allow you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.
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Thank you so much for being on this podcast.
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I am.
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Congratulations on your new podcast.
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I'm so excited to have you on here because I feel like I have admired you,
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known you, and secretly stalked you for a while now online.
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Thank you.
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And I think sometimes there's a big blur between actually knowing someone and feeling like you know
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someone online.
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I binge watch your YouTube videos recently.
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So we're basically best friends in my mind.
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Well, I have your book in my kitchen.
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But one thing I realize I don't know is for everybody out there,
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Maeve, Maeve is how you pronounce it.
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So I just want to make sure Maeve is just the OG and OG stylist.
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Like she is incredible at what she does.
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Not only is she incredible.
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When you watch her in her YouTube videos, she just is so sweet, so kind, and also just so herself.
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And I really love that about watching you.
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But also styles everyone from like everyone that you could possibly think of, she styles.
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But I want to know how did you get into this space?
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Like was it your dream from childhood?
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Well, fashion was my dream from childhood.
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It was definitely like, yeah, like I just, I went to FIT.
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Okay.
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It took classes there in high school.
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Like fashion was always the thing, but this was 20 years ago.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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Free social media, pre-Rachaelzo, like, you know, styling was not something that people knew about.
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I didn't know about it.
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Yeah, it was kind of a background thing, right?
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Yes, it was just like no visibility whatsoever.
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I really had no idea.
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And then my dad was producing a TV show and basically had said to the stylist, like,
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could you give my daughter a chance?
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Yeah.
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And I was, you know, 18.
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And he had said to her, if she sucks, it's fine, fire her.
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But like, would you give her a chance?
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Yeah.
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Don't keep her just because she's like the boss.
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Yeah.
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You know, daughter.
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So I walked onto this TV set in New York and I was like, I just like couldn't believe I'd
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never been on a set or like seen anything like it.
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And the stylist was like, here's my credit card, run to Berghdorf's and get every pair of
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beige pants you can find in like a size six.
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It's an emergency.
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And I'm like, okay, she's like, save your receipts.
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I'm like, okay, you know, and I go and I do it.
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And like, I just couldn't believe that this was like a real thing and like a real job.
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That was basically the very beginning of it.
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And then, you know, I went to FIT.
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I worked in retail, but I just knew like this is what I wanted to do.
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And I just hustled to find on Craigslist, by the way.
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Because like, there was no.
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Yeah.
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And I like hustled, so I ended up finding Robin Mariel, who are still very good friends
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to this day.
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They were styling Rihanna at the time.
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And I like bang down their door through a mutual friend.
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And they hired me to be like their New York assistant.
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So that was sort of the beginning of like the celebrity stuff.
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And I learned so much from them at that time.
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And eventually landed in LA and just like kept chasing, you know.
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What would you say now?
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Because obviously you've been doing this for 20 years.
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You said it's 20.
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What would you say?
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And I'm sure it changes over time.
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But what's the best part of your job?
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Like, what do you love about what you do?
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You know, I think it's the way that I get to help people feel.
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And like really make them feel confident.
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Like, there's nothing like that, especially like the behind the scenes of what's going on in
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their personal lives or having a bad day or feeling insecure.
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And then, you know, they put on this look and it's like all of a sudden,
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just like a different energy, you know.
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And it's like, we'd say like their armor in a lot of ways.
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Yeah.
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Like getting to be a part of that for somebody is such a gift.
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It's not about the clothes for me.
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It's like really about what the energy of the clothes can put forward for people.
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And like obviously when the world likes it, it's wonderful and lovely.
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But that's not really the intention.
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But that's how you know it's good when it connects with other people, you know.
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Like what Haley and I did together was like, you know, connected with people.
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Yeah.
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But that's why.
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And it was like attainable.
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And it was like, oh, like I can go and sort of recreate that.
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Exactly.
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And then, you know, you see all these little girls doing.
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Definitely.
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It is.
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It is.
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It's still, by the way.
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Always iconic.
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Anything, I feel like anything that she does ends up feeling a fashion and like an icon in fashion.
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And I really think that you must have been such an integral part of that journey.
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Like a real, we still do.
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I mean, we're still very good friends.
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But it's also the connection.
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Like you don't always have that with everybody.
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And like it can be a great working relationship.
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But I think what she and I have had or like Megan Fox and I have had are very like,
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just sort of deep connections.
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And I feel like we were just meant to be in each other's lives during those periods.
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And like it was just very kismet, you know, very meant to be.
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Totally.
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I am.
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I can really, I really feel what you said about creating an arm and energy when you put clothes on.
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Because, you know, I've done very small like shoots and little things for my business or for things for my cookbook.
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And as soon as I'm wearing something that I don't feel comfortable in,
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my entire body language changes.
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I feel small.
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I'm constantly trying to like hide bits of me that I feel I don't want to be showing or that I don't feel
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is flattering on me.
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And as soon as I put on something, the photographer sees it straight away.
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For sure.
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Like, God, you really like that outfit.
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Like you can see it.
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You're, you know, your, your shoulders are higher.
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Yeah.
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You're walking differently.
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Yeah.
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And it does, it's like style and how people, what people wear it.
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It can be such a beautiful reflection of who they are, but also completely shift their confidence,
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their energy, their mood.
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And I think that is such a, it's such a beautiful thing that you do for people.
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Yeah.
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You bring out the best version of themselves through their physical, external, like, place,
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but at the same time, you're helping them bring out what's inside.
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Exactly.
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Without them, you're having to say anything.
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Exactly.
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It's like such an honor.
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Yeah.
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It's so much bigger than I think what people realize.
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And obviously all of the mayhem that happens behind the scenes just even get the clothes in the room,
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you know, no one even understands like what goes into.
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Like, give me a no-in sign.
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Oh, God, no, I mean, no, there's something.
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I mean, it's just, you know, it's relationship building.
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It's like all about your relationships.
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And it's like the stuff you learn as a kid.
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It's like the stuff my dad tried to tell me when I was young, you know, like,
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trust is the most important thing.
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And these brands are trusting you.
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And, and their trust, the client is trusting you to like, bring forth their vision.
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And not push your own vision on them, I think is also really important.
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And like, like you said, you know, I know in a fitting when someone put something on.
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They like, like, immediately, like before.
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And I know when to push, like, I know when it's like, oh, no, no, no, wait, give this a chance.
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Yes.
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And then I know when it's like, no, no, no, this isn't it at all.
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Yeah.
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And that's like your intuition, you know, it's like learning to like listen to yourself.
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And also obviously, as you get to know somebody, but a lot of the time it boils down,
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to them being like, okay, we have these two choices, which one is it made?
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Yes.
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And I often say like, I need to marinate.
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So I ask them if I can just have a moment, even if it's an hour.
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And I just like, I don't know, I just have to like really ask myself, like, what's the right thing
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for this? And most of the time I'm right, I think, you know, you've been right many, many times.
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I think, you know, when people see certain jobs or, you know, certain lifestyles, whether you're
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content creator, whether you're a stylist, the way that you are, they'll think, oh, wow,
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it's so glamorous.
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Like, you know, the surface, the surface perception is, oh, she just gets to pick clothes up,
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try them on, she gets free stuff, she probably gets this.
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But actually, if you think about the qualities that one would need to do the type of job that
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you're having, like, what would you say are the qualities you've had to really build and strengthen
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through the work that you do?
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Well, to your point, yes, it is not like, it's the least probably glamorous job.
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And I always say, it's usually the assistants who don't last because it's, to the, as of being an
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example of like, you have to love this so much to go through it and to like stick with it and
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not give up along the way because it is so excruciatingly hard and painful and like, takes you
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away from your life and your family and just everything.
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And like, you, you have to love it or you won't make it.
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I mean, even in the lot, I mean, there's been many times where I'm like, I'm done.
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Yeah, I cannot, you know, I cannot keep doing this.
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And you just, whatever I just know that it's my purpose, I know it's where I'm supposed to be.
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And I also, I'm such a believer in God and the universe.
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Sometimes you're just, you're brought through like peaks and valleys, you know,
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what we gotta keep going when you're looking for someone to work with you, whether it's an
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assistant or someone that's coming onto your team.
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What are like the main qualities that you look for or the qualities that you saw in yourself
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when you look back now that kept you going through the hustle?
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Well, it's funny because who I was then is not who I am now.
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Okay.
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You know what I mean?
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And what I would look for now is probably not who I was back then.
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Like, I feel like I've learned so much.
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You know, in the beginning, I didn't have an agent.
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I was like this young, pretty girl like just trying, I was in music in the beginning.
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Okay.
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And I think, you know, when you don't have someone advocating for you and you're a young,
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pretty girl, I was like in the, like the wrapping world.
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Like I was just like, tricky kind of vibe.
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So many seasons we go through in life.
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So many.
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And you know, you get taken advantage of her.
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People try to pay you under what you're, you know, worse or you're on set for 30 hours and they
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don't pay overtime and like, there's no one like sticking up for you.
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So at some point, I like had to, I don't know, like tough and up a bit.
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I was always a tough kid and like not to get too into like my childhood, but I was like a bullied kid.
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And so I came into my adult life with already this sort of like armor and this like toughness about me.
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And then you're in this industry where you have to like, you know,
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have a keep yourself and not get walked all over and not be taken advantage of.
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And that comes with like a roughness that's actually not who I am at all.
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Yes, but I kind of had to be that I thought for a long time.
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Obviously then getting an agent and having someone to fight those battles for me,
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I was able to just be the creative.
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Yes.
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But to answer your question, like the assistant I was then was very like hungry and tough and like no
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nonsense. Whereas today I'm looking for someone who's like sweet.
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And like, I want to be around and who is a reflection of me when I'm not there, you know,
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and my assistant Rachel has been with me now for like six years.
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She seems so sweet.
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It's the best.
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And you know, she's like a little me.
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You know, and she sees like, you know, you have to be responsible for the energy you bring into a room.
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You know, like who wants to pay a stylist to come in like huffing and puffing with their
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kid.
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It's like, like their energy of the day.
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It's like, you know, I have to like leave that aside and come in and be like a bright light
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and like lift the energy up for them because they're dealing with whatever they're dealing with.
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And so the same needs to be with my assistant.
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Hey, I'm Jay Chetty, host of the on-purpose podcast.
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I had the incredible opportunity to sit down with the one, the only Cardi B.
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My marriage, I felt the love dying.
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I was crying every day.
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I felt in the deepest depression that I had ever had.
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How do you think you misunderstood?
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I'm not this evil mean person that people think that I am.
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I'm too compassionate.
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I have sympathy for **** that **** my man.
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Put so much heart and soul into your work.
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What's the hardest part for you to take that criticism?
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This **** was not given to me.
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I worked my ass off for me.
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Even when I was a stripper, I'm gonna beat the best pole dancer in here.
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When was the moment you felt?
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I did it.
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I still took this day.
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Don't feel comfortable.
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I fight every day to keep this level of success
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because people want it.
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Take it from you so bad.
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Listen to on-purpose,
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with Jay Chetty on the I Heart Radio app,
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Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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But the humility in knowing that life is this class room
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that we should never graduate from is what is going to keep you growing.
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And that's all that matters.
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World Mental Health Day is around the corner.
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And on my podcast,
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Jess Heel with Dr. Jay,
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I dive into what it really means to care for your mind,
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body, and spirit.
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From breaking generational patterns,
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to building emotional capacity.
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Healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination.
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I'm gonna walk away feeling very healed and killing like,
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yes, I'm gonna continue my healing journey.
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And I'm gonna get some keys from you.
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Listen to Jess Heel with Dr. Jay from the Black Effect Podcast Network
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on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast,
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or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Welcome to Decoding Women's Health.
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I'm Dr. Elizabeth Pointer,
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Chair of Women's Health and Gynecology
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at the Adriah Health Institute in New York City.
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On this show, I'll be talking to top researchers and top clinicians,
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asking them your burning questions and bringing that information
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about women's health and midlife directly to you.
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A hundred percent of women go through menopause.
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It can be such a struggle for our quality of life,
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but even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it?
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The types of symptoms that people talk about is forgetting everything I never used to forget
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things. They're concerned that one they have dementia,
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and the other one is do I have ADHD?
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There is unprecedented promise with regard to cannabis and cannabinoids to sleep better,
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to have less pain, to have better mood, and also to have better day-to-day life.
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Listen to Decoding Women's Health with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer on the I Heart Radio app,
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Apple Podcasts are wherever you're listening now.
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I agree, yeah, whenever I've been building teams or, you know,
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building, I've got a small team now, but the energy makes such a difference.
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Like, I think I try my best to wake up every day, no matter what's happening in my life,
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but because I know that there are going to be other people in the room with me,
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while we're working, even silently while we're working,
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the energy that I come with, I'm like, okay, I'm starting this day fresh,
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I have to bring good energy, because as soon as someone comes into the mix or into the room,
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where they're drained, it sucks the life out of other people.
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It really does.
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It really does.
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And so, when you're picking, I always think about this, like,
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whether it's when I'm hiring, or even when you're thinking about the people you want around you,
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it has to be someone who contributes to the energy, rather than takes it,
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especially someone like an assistant role.
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Hunter percent.
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Because otherwise, you just, you feel so drained.
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And I spend more time with her than I spend with like, my own husband.
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Yeah, exactly, exactly.
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Exactly, please.
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We spend our lives together.
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And it's like, who do you want to be around?
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Yeah.
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And like, I just, I think being kind and being nice and being sweet,
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not only to your clients, to the world,
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it's just the most important thing.
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Yeah, because then skills can be told totally.
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I mean, tastes can't be.
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But oh my god, that's so true.
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In your job, they don't have yet.
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Taste copy.
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I have to say, like, you're either born with it, or you think so.
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I think you can learn, obviously, the like, how to send an email,
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how to do the job.
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But I think to have tastes is typically something you either have read out.
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Then, obviously, can be, you know, built and cultivated and all of that.
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But I think who they are is just, I don't know, it's important.
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Yeah.
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All my assistants have flourished.
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And I am like such an advocate for them.
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Like, I want, you know, my first assistant from a million years ago
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has been Kim Kardashian's stylist for years.
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My next one is Becky G.
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Silesh, she's my best friend.
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My next one is Kylie Jenner's stylist.
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You know, like, I want them to win.
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And like, I get to be a part of their journey too.
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And like, I want them to say good things about me for the, you know,
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rest of the airtime, absolutely industry.
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So I just want them all to win.
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Yeah, that's so nice.
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I see that in your YouTube videos.
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You seem very close to your team.
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Yeah.
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What would you say has been, you know,
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some of the hardest parts of your work that you do?
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Oh god, it's tough.
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Yeah.
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I think my industry is.
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And it's just, it's tough.
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You have to have extremely thick skin.
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And I'm an empathic, sensitive little being.
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And it's hard sometimes to separate, not take things personally,
spk_0
not bring in your own like childhood trauma.
spk_0
It's a situation.
spk_0
You know, like, I was, like, I mentioned,
spk_0
I was a bullied kid and like, I feel like part of our industry is very,
spk_0
like, mean girly.
spk_0
spk_0
And sometimes that can really spot, like, just trigger that, like,
spk_0
I'm not getting picked again.
spk_0
Of course.
spk_0
You know, like, oh, I really wanted that client.
spk_0
I didn't get it.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It looks like all of that stuff.
spk_0
And I think, like I said, there are seasons.
spk_0
And I know that.
spk_0
But it is hard when you feel like, I don't know,
spk_0
like, you're not getting seen or whatever.
spk_0
Like, it's just, oh, when I was going to ask that about, you know,
spk_0
with what you were saying about stylists before social media and everything,
spk_0
it's like, they're very much so behind the scenes.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And so one of the questions I wanted to ask you was,
spk_0
how do you deal with the concept of it being your hard work?
spk_0
But I'm sure there have been times where, you know,
spk_0
have you always got the credit that you wanted for it?
spk_0
And how is someone who, this is your creative output?
spk_0
If you don't receive the recognition for it,
spk_0
is that something that you've just come to terms with as part of your job?
spk_0
Or is it something you feel is necessary,
spk_0
an vital part of a role, like the role that you play?
spk_0
I think it's, that's interesting because as social media has obviously progressed,
spk_0
and everything, it's the game.
spk_0
Yeah, like everyone knows everything at all times.
spk_0
So I do feel like we get the credit.
spk_0
I just think it's finding the clients who are comfortable with giving you the credit.
spk_0
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
And I personally have never come from a place of like,
spk_0
I did that.
spk_0
I'm very like, we did that together.
spk_0
It was a collaborative, you know,
spk_0
oftentimes you'll style a look for a client and they'll take it home and maybe they remix it a little bit.
spk_0
And that's dope.
spk_0
I love that.
spk_0
spk_0
You know, like you want to put your own spin on thing.
spk_0
So I don't know if it's that as much as it's like,
spk_0
I think this social media thing is hard because you're seeing what everyone else is doing all the time.
spk_0
And that's the scary wheel, I think, to get on,
spk_0
especially when you feel like you're not getting what you want.
spk_0
No, or like deserve.
spk_0
And you're kind of watching other people.
spk_0
So that's the tricky.
spk_0
Yeah, you know, yeah, it's not great for my mental health.
spk_0
No, and how did you deal with, you obviously, I know you've spoken about this before,
spk_0
about being bullied at young age.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And that led you into some dark times that you went through.
spk_0
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
How did you, one, what were the things that you ended up going through?
spk_0
And two, how did you move through them?
spk_0
Do you have any tools or techniques for people to use that really helped you during that?
spk_0
Yeah, well, yes.
spk_0
And not to say because I was bullied, I'm like an alcoholic,
spk_0
but I definitely turned to substances when I was a teenager.
spk_0
I've been sober completely, note like nothing for almost 20 years.
spk_0
So February will be 20 years.
spk_0
And it's the greatest thing ever, probably the most challenging thing I've ever gone through.
spk_0
I'm such a believer in like our challenging times are usually the moments where we grow the most.
spk_0
Anytime I've been in like the darkest place or the hardest place,
spk_0
it's brought me to the next best sort of like level.
spk_0
You know, like the heart breaks or whatever, like it feels like you're down here,
spk_0
but then you, if you do the work and you really use it as an opportunity to learn and grow,
spk_0
yeah, you can really up level, you know, and I've sort of tried to live my life like that.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
So, you know, in terms of recovery, I think it's like the foundation of like my life and who I am,
spk_0
and I think it's sort of like spiritual kindergarten, and then everything kind of comes from that,
spk_0
and all the work I've done on myself has been because I've been sober, you know, and like able to dig and like
spk_0
look at myself and be willing to look at myself, you know.
spk_0
And I think, you know, for me, it's a lot about faith.
spk_0
It's like really trusting that everything is happening for us and not to us,
spk_0
and not being a victim, and like really seeing things as like, what is this here to teach me?
spk_0
And every time it's been something different, yes.
spk_0
But I just live like that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It's really important to me.
spk_0
Like just, all right, God, I don't know why we're here.
spk_0
But let's go.
spk_0
Yeah, exactly.
spk_0
It's faith is such an important part of being able to push through things, isn't it?
spk_0
I don't know a lot of people without it do it to be honest.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I feel for them, I think, other than yourself, anything, you know, like, and it's changed for me so much over the years.
spk_0
Like I was raised Catholic.
spk_0
That's not how I identify my spiritual practice today, but in the beginning, it sure, it worked.
spk_0
And like, you know, this beautiful idea of just your relationship with your higher power can be whatever it is you want it to be.
spk_0
And it might be different than everyone else.
spk_0
But it's such a singular process.
spk_0
Beautiful.
spk_0
And you've created something beautiful from the experiences you had of being bullied.
spk_0
You've got a beautiful brand out, right?
spk_0
spk_0
Local love club.
spk_0
Clothes are obviously incredible.
spk_0
But could you tell us a little bit more about that?
spk_0
Because I feel like people are just here.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
So, you know, when I was given this incredible platform, obviously,
spk_0
between followers or clients or whatever, I just always knew because my experience with being bullied was so
spk_0
like, I mean, I was obviously traumatizing and it made me who I am today, but it was extremely painful.
spk_0
And when I see these kids today going through the, especially the online bullying, it's just like,
spk_0
I don't think I would have made it.
spk_0
Like, I don't think looking back, realizing how empathic I was and how sensitive I was actually,
spk_0
but trying to be like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
spk_0
When I like really wasn't fine, I was really scared, you know?
spk_0
And it took me so many years to unwind that and get back to like that sweetness and that like
spk_0
innocence that the bullying kind of like robbed me of.
spk_0
It's such a young age.
spk_0
It's like a hot shell.
spk_0
Don't you?
spk_0
Totally.
spk_0
Something like that.
spk_0
And it's so not who I am.
spk_0
And thankfully, I would say for the last decade has not been someone, you know,
spk_0
someone couldn't say, oh, she's not nice.
spk_0
You know, like, I've really, really worked through it.
spk_0
I think.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And when I thought about a brand, I knew I wanted to do something that was like,
spk_0
sweats and attainable to most people.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
But I wanted there to be some level of messaging about this and like,
spk_0
not just seeing what I've gone through, but also seeing what people go through online these days,
spk_0
like just the unbelievably painful things that people say to one another.
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
And like, especially with my clients,
spk_0
I don't know where this idea of like famous people should just be.
spk_0
You could say anything you want to.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like they're not humans.
spk_0
No.
spk_0
Well, I'm here to tell you they are and they see it and they feel it just like the rest of us.
spk_0
And it is just mind blowing to me.
spk_0
So I wanted something that, you know, would sort of combat the negativity without
spk_0
using the words like, you know, I wanted to use the words love and light and not about
spk_0
the dark or like the bullying.
spk_0
spk_0
So yeah, that's the brand.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And it's just we donate part of our proceeds to anti-bullying campaigns and
spk_0
and you know, some of the sweatshirts say like, thank you for being kind or
spk_0
yeah, just little things like the tags as I hope you know how loved you are on the inside.
spk_0
I have to get you some.
spk_0
Oh my god.
spk_0
I can't believe I didn't break you any.
spk_0
No, I'm a terrible guy.
spk_0
No, I'm a terrible guy.
spk_0
I think messaging makes such a difference.
spk_0
And I think about that even when you're thinking, even when you're taking in social media,
spk_0
even when you're talking to people, every single word that you use carries energy.
spk_0
It carries power.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And so yeah, the stuff that happens online, I mean, we could talk about that all day.
spk_0
But I think, you know, it's a place it just shows that there are so many people who are hurt
spk_0
and they displace, misplaced their words towards people that don't deserve it.
spk_0
But they just need a channel and a vessel to be able to
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
Pour out whatever it is within them because they haven't managed to figure out how
spk_0
to process and release those emotions.
spk_0
I try to remember that.
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
You know, and I'm like, wow, this person is really clearly suffering.
spk_0
And I try to remember that they're suffering.
spk_0
Because imagine saying something nasty to someone you don't know.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
Imagine when it takes to do that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like that's so I cannot fathom personally.
spk_0
But I see it so much.
spk_0
I mean, you guys must see it all the time.
spk_0
And I think a lot of the time when you're trying to
spk_0
raise consciousness or put love and good energy into the world,
spk_0
it's met with love.
spk_0
Love, all the negativity.
spk_0
Yeah, I've noticed that.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
It's really interesting.
spk_0
And it's really hard.
spk_0
It is.
spk_0
And sometimes, unfortunately, when you end up trying to share,
spk_0
it's that it's that concept of when you are one thing,
spk_0
people can sometimes expect you to be everything.
spk_0
And so if I, for example, am sharing spirituality,
spk_0
people perceive spirituality in a way they want to perceive it.
spk_0
So if I then do something that in their mind feels out of
spk_0
context or our relation to their perception of spirituality,
spk_0
it's like, oh, so you're not really that person.
spk_0
Right.
spk_0
You say you're fake.
spk_0
But actually, I was just trying.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And so like, so you can share, you share certain parts of yourself,
spk_0
but sometimes that can end up being a trap for yourself,
spk_0
where you've set a visual of who you are.
spk_0
And they've absorbed that.
spk_0
And then when you show a different version or side of yourself,
spk_0
because everybody can be all things at once.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
As we all are, it confuses people.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
So everyone likes things put into boxes,
spk_0
but actually, everything bleeds into each other.
spk_0
It's true.
spk_0
You can be spiritual one day,
spk_0
and I could be road raging,
spk_0
showing it you the next.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Someone's probably seen me do that.
spk_0
spk_0
Like, you call me on a bad day.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I had a bit of anger that day,
spk_0
and it just happens.
spk_0
But it doesn't stop you from being trying to be a better person.
spk_0
Totally.
spk_0
But yes, I definitely know.
spk_0
spk_0
And trying to like raise the consciousness of some,
spk_0
in some degree, and it's, you know,
spk_0
sometimes we're the mirror that people like really don't want.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I have to remember that.
spk_0
And like, going through those experiences,
spk_0
being misperceived or misunderstood is really hard for me.
spk_0
And the struggle with that.
spk_0
I really struggle with that.
spk_0
How do you manage it?
spk_0
Well, my clients have helped a lot,
spk_0
because obviously they spend their entire lives
spk_0
being misunderstood.
spk_0
And, you know, and you're like,
spk_0
what you're saying is like the opposite of who that person is.
spk_0
I think what I've learned from them
spk_0
is like, as long as I know who I am,
spk_0
and like my inner circle, my husband,
spk_0
my friends, my family, know who I am,
spk_0
and love me and respect me,
spk_0
like that's really all that matters.
spk_0
Obviously, some days are easier than others.
spk_0
When there's thousands of comments coming in,
spk_0
because they've decided on a Reddit forum today's the day,
spk_0
they're going to bully you.
spk_0
You don't read Reddit.
spk_0
Oh, I won't.
spk_0
So, someone told me,
spk_0
I don't even want to like put this in the,
spk_0
but I mean, someone, a friend of mine was like,
spk_0
don't read your Reddit.
spk_0
Yeah, don't.
spk_0
You won't be well.
spk_0
You know, and like, I don't even know what people
spk_0
sometimes say about me,
spk_0
because I can't spend it that way.
spk_0
I can't handle it.
spk_0
I think there is a lot of misconceptions about me.
spk_0
And I guess I've had to learn like, it's okay.
spk_0
You know, and like, it's not my job to run around
spk_0
and try to like manage everyone's,
spk_0
like, misperception.
spk_0
It's a really good book that you might like.
spk_0
It's called The Courage to Be Dislike.
spk_0
Oh, please.
spk_0
It's a brilliant book.
spk_0
Okay, great.
spk_0
I have it.
spk_0
I'll give it to you afterwards.
spk_0
It really helps me because I have it.
spk_0
People pleasing mentality.
spk_0
And I constantly want people to like me.
spk_0
I think about people who are from like 10, 15 years ago
spk_0
that I might have like, day and I'm like,
spk_0
I wonder if they still hate me.
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
Like Sam.
spk_0
I'm like, I want to argue with them.
spk_0
I wonder if they still think I'm that person.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
You can get really trapped in that.
spk_0
But I, you know, as I've tried to work my way through it,
spk_0
I've noticed that the moments where I feel
spk_0
most connected to myself and what I mean by that is
spk_0
when I understand who I actually am.
spk_0
And what I actually want in my life.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Then the ins and outs of what other people are saying
spk_0
affects me less.
spk_0
It's almost like a tree that's really solid in its roots
spk_0
underneath the ground.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
The wind will come.
spk_0
The rain will come.
spk_0
Like you don't really get affected by it.
spk_0
But as soon as those roots start to shrivel
spk_0
and you don't nourish them and you don't water them.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
And you don't keep reminding yourself of who you are.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Of course, if someone says,
spk_0
well, you're a bit,
spk_0
it's you're going to be like,
spk_0
wait, maybe I am that because I don't know who I am.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
So then I start absorbing what everybody else is saying.
spk_0
Because I have absolutely no clue of what it is
spk_0
that I actually am.
spk_0
Exactly.
spk_0
I always say it's like staying on the middle of the surfboard.
spk_0
You know, like just not letting life throw you off to your mouth.
spk_0
To your mouth.
spk_0
spk_0
And like to your point,
spk_0
to your stability.
spk_0
spk_0
Like maintaining the spirit,
spk_0
whatever your spiritual practice is,
spk_0
you know, to be able to stay firmly rooted
spk_0
or on the middle of the surfboard.
spk_0
That takes a little of abwuk.
spk_0
It takes a lot of work.
spk_0
You're it.
spk_0
You know, like I have my days where some days
spk_0
is easier than others.
spk_0
Yeah, definitely.
spk_0
Oh my gosh, when I'm on my period,
spk_0
you can say anything to me about my,
spk_0
and I will believe it.
spk_0
It's so true.
spk_0
And you mentioned heartbreak.
spk_0
You've obviously experienced the dating scene in LA,
spk_0
but by the time it's come,
spk_0
I'm glad you haven't experienced the dating scene.
spk_0
Ellen,
spk_0
but you are married.
spk_0
I will.
spk_0
To be married, but you will be married.
spk_0
Oh yeah, yeah.
spk_0
How was that process of finding the person who used to marry?
spk_0
Mm.
spk_0
Talk about letting go and letting go.
spk_0
You know, I was 35 when I met Zach.
spk_0
I'm turning 37 right after our wedding.
spk_0
And, you know,
spk_0
I was very focused on work for a very long time.
spk_0
So I would say until I was 30,
spk_0
I was very much like,
spk_0
it'll come, whatever.
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
I'm like on my like girlboss thing.
spk_0
Like I don't need that right now.
spk_0
And I definitely put forward that energy for a long time
spk_0
of like, I don't need you,
spk_0
which of course probably gave me guys
spk_0
who couldn't give me what I wanted.
spk_0
Because I wasn't being clear about my desires
spk_0
or like what I really wanted.
spk_0
And then as that started to shift,
spk_0
I started to definitely call in different energy
spk_0
and definitely learn,
spk_0
you know, to heartbreak.
spk_0
I went through a breakup probably,
spk_0
I don't know, five or six years ago.
spk_0
And it was like the person that like I thought
spk_0
was the person.
spk_0
And it's only because he was the greatest reflection
spk_0
of who I wanted to be.
spk_0
Like he was such a light
spk_0
and he was such a beautiful spiritual being.
spk_0
I also think, I don't know if people believe in past lives,
spk_0
but I do.
spk_0
And I like definitely knew him.
spk_0
When I met him, it was like,
spk_0
fill me in.
spk_0
Yeah, exactly.
spk_0
What if I miss?
spk_0
Literally.
spk_0
It was like, and in retrospect,
spk_0
that's probably why the connection felt so deep.
spk_0
It might not have been like in love,
spk_0
but it was like,
spk_0
you need to finish that atatharma.
spk_0
Yeah, whatever.
spk_0
Like we definitely like just had to have that experience.
spk_0
And when it ended, it was so excruciating.
spk_0
But I was like so driven by that love
spk_0
to like dig deeper on myself.
spk_0
And I started to do a lot more inner work
spk_0
and I found my now therapist back then.
spk_0
I guess maybe it was like seven years ago.
spk_0
And he really just took me on a journey.
spk_0
Really?
spk_0
Yeah, to like myself and learning myself and understanding
spk_0
even just the bullying thing,
spk_0
like not even realizing how that was playing a role
spk_0
in my adult life of how I was keeping people away.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
You know, and how I was so guarded.
spk_0
And that relationship ending,
spk_0
like just shattered like all the walls.
spk_0
Wow.
spk_0
For all of it.
spk_0
And so I'm so grateful to him.
spk_0
I know he knows that.
spk_0
That's so nice.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And like he's, you know,
spk_0
Married and has a child.
spk_0
And that's beautiful.
spk_0
And I, you know,
spk_0
and I'm so grateful I ended up where I ended up.
spk_0
It's like so perfect.
spk_0
But like that pain,
spk_0
like back to what I had said earlier of just
spk_0
sometimes those lowest moments,
spk_0
like take us to the next level.
spk_0
And like I just wanted to be better after that.
spk_0
And the therapist that I met,
spk_0
Dr. Habeeb Sadekhi,
spk_0
who is the most incredible guy.
spk_0
Oh, amazing.
spk_0
And he's like a, he's also a doctor.
spk_0
And he wrote a book called The Clarity Clens.
spk_0
And he's really interesting.
spk_0
And has just taken it to like a whole other place for me.
spk_0
Hey, I'm Jay Chetty, host of The On-Purpose Podcast.
spk_0
I had the incredible opportunity to sit down with the one,
spk_0
the only Cardi B.
spk_0
My marriage, I felt the love dying.
spk_0
I was crying every day.
spk_0
I felt in the deepest depression that I had ever had.
spk_0
How do you think you misunderstood?
spk_0
I'm not this evil mean person that people think that I am.
spk_0
I'm too compassionate.
spk_0
I have sympathy for **** that **** my man.
spk_0
But so much heart and soul into your work.
spk_0
What's the hardest part for you to take that criticism?
spk_0
This **** was not given to me.
spk_0
I worked my ass off for me.
spk_0
Even when I was a stripper,
spk_0
I'm a big, the best pole dancer in here.
spk_0
When was the moment you felt?
spk_0
I didn't.
spk_0
I still feel this day don't feel comfortable.
spk_0
I fight every day to keep this level of success
spk_0
because people want it, take it from you so bad.
spk_0
Listen to On-Purpose,
spk_0
with Jay Chetty on the I Heart Radio app,
spk_0
Apple Podcast,
spk_0
or wherever you get your podcasts.
spk_0
But the humility in knowing that life is this classroom
spk_0
that we should never graduate from
spk_0
is what is going to keep you growing.
spk_0
And that's all that matters.
spk_0
World Mental Health Day is around the corner.
spk_0
And on my podcast,
spk_0
just heal with Dr. Jay,
spk_0
I dive into what it really means
spk_0
to care for your mind, body, and spirit.
spk_0
From breaking generational patterns
spk_0
to building emotional capacity.
spk_0
Healing is a journey and
spk_0
wholeness is the destination.
spk_0
I'm going to walk away feeling very healed
spk_0
and killing like,
spk_0
yes, I'm going to continue my healing journey
spk_0
and I'm going to get some keys from you.
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Listen to Jess Hill, Dr. Jay
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from the Black Effect Podcast Network
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on the I Heart Radio app,
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Apple Podcast,
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or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Welcome to Decoding Women's Health.
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I'm Dr. Elizabeth Pointer,
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Chair of Women's Health and Gynecology
spk_0
at the Adriah Health Institute in New York City.
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On this show, I'll be talking to top researchers
spk_0
and top clinicians asking them
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your burning questions
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and bringing that information
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about women's health and midlife directly to you.
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A hundred percent of women go through menopause.
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It can be such a struggle
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for our quality of life,
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but even if it's natural,
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why should we suffer through it?
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The types of symptoms that people talk about
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is forgetting everything I never used to forget things.
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They're concerned that one they have dementia
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and the other one is, do I have ADHD?
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There is unprecedented promise
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with regard to cannabis and cannabinoids
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to sleep better, to have less pain,
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to have better mood,
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and also to have better day-to-day life.
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Listen to Decoding Women's Health
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with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer
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on the I Heart Radio app,
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Apple Podcasts are wherever you're listening now.
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Yeah, I'm glad you said about therapy.
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I feel like there can be
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such conflicting views of therapy,
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but it's really nice to him
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when people have such positive experiences of it.
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Can't I imagine not?
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Really?
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No.
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Do you have a therapist?
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No, I've done a few sessions before.
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Yeah.
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But I definitely have been talking about
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I really want to get into it,
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but I feel like I've had a few experiences
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of therapists that I wasn't connecting with.
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I thought, yeah.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, perfect.
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You'll say this is a lot of industry,
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you know, I met him through
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whatever it doesn't matter,
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but I just think,
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yeah, it's finding the right person.
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Exactly.
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It's a day-end.
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It's like day-end.
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Yeah, it's totally about finding the right person.
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And by the way,
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dating back to the dating question,
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like I still found an narcissist
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after the good one.
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You know, like you still can get
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like fall for the love bombing thing.
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Yeah.
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It's just been such a journey, I think.
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But every person has like served a purpose
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and like brought me up.
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Yeah, and really when I met Zach,
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I was like totally surrendered.
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I was like, God,
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because I wanted it so bad at that point
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that I was like, God, I'm giving this to you.
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Yeah.
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I quit.
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Yeah.
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And I met him a week later.
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No way.
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I swear.
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It does take that sometimes.
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Just have to take your hands off the wheel sometimes.
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Yeah, it's the trying to control parts
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of your life that you can't control.
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Dude.
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It's exhausting and it gets you nowhere.
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You're still staying in the same place,
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but yeah, you let your hands off the wheel
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and my biggest life lesson.
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Yeah, surrender.
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Yeah, surrender, let go.
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How do you feel you measure success in your life?
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Like what other baromises
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and it can be in your work,
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it can be in your personal life,
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but what to you?
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Because I think it changes over time also.
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And what right now feels like the areas in your life
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that you feel you're measuring your success in?
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I think like in my relationship,
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you know, it was something I wanted for so long.
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Relationships are so much work
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and a lot of my energy has been put
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in this relationship and making it work
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and learning together and growing together
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and being challenged by things
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and sticking with it,
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it's a full-time job.
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Yes.
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Having starting off in a relationship
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is another full-time job.
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It is.
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And so I think like,
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I think right now I feel like I've won a chapter
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that I've wanted for a really long time
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and I'm really excited about what's the come
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and I want to be a mom
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and I'm looking forward to
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whatever the next chapter of life is.
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So I think that feels like a win.
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You know, I love obviously what I do
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and I love when it connects with people.
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But that's a slippery slope.
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You know, I think when I'm peaceful is the best.
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Yeah, exactly.
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In all areas.
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Yeah.
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And that takes work.
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Yeah, it really does.
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You mentioned that when you talk about your assistance,
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you were like, you know what?
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You either have taste or you don't have it.
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Like it's an eye for things.
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How do you balance your idea of what you love?
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But then like obviously all your clients
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must be so different when you are styling them.
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How do you balance their eye versus what you think
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is accurate in terms of fashion
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and what you would put together?
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Because that must be a really hard balance.
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Every client is very different.
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Like some are very opinionated
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and then others are like,
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I have no idea exactly to say.
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Yeah.
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And so I think it's about like reading the energy of the person.
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Yeah.
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You have to know when you're pushing too hard.
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Like you have to be able to read the energy of like,
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okay, they're not receptive.
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So this idea, that's fine.
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You know, and I think just everyone is different.
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Summer much easier.
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Like some just want to come in try
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on two things and leave.
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Others want to be there all day.
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Yeah.
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That's fine.
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It's just like learning each person I think
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and not trying to like,
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there was a time where I had like a lot of like younger
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and I don't want everyone to look the same.
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Exactly.
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You know, like I want them all to have
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or I would turn someone down
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because I'd be like, I already have,
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you know, like that, I don't want to copy.
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Right.
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What we're, you know, style is individual.
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Like I respect the trends or what's in or what's out or whatever.
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But like these are individuals.
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You know, you know, you know,
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you know, cloning.
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Not into that.
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No, it's not.
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I'm not the right office.
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And that's what you want, you know.
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Have you found a difficult creating
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meaningful friendships in the industry?
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Yes, that's so interesting.
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Yeah, friends from childhood or like, do not.
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I actually don't have any friends from before my sobriety.
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No way.
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So 20 years forward I do.
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But before that, I was 17 when I got sober.
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I was a senior in high school.
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Okay.
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So much of the program is like,
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stay away from people placing their things.
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Of course.
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I honestly had no like good friends.
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Right.
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At all.
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All the, so, you know, I haven't seen those people since.
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Yeah.
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But since my sobriety, yes, I have.
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And, you know, I have Los Angeles is the problem.
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I don't know what the industry as much as like,
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really LA is tough.
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And like, finding your people takes time.
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It does.
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Like, really took me some time.
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But I have the best friends.
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That's so nice.
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I have a tribe.
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It makes, it makes all the difference.
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Yeah.
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It's not huge.
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Yeah.
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You know what I mean?
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But it's like all I need.
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And like, I have a ride or die for it.
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You know, and I trust them and they trust me.
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And like, we are in each other's lives, like really in it.
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It's important for me.
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I think our business is hard.
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And it's like nice to have Morgan, my best friend,
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as a stylist.
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So to have someone, you know, understand what you go,
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literally, like, what you go through is so nice.
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It is, I think, you know, community can make a break
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wherever you move or wherever you are.
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I've noticed that when I was in New York,
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I really didn't find a community
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that I could have that feeling with.
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And in London, I had all these friends
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that were, we'd mess with each other,
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like, 10 and probably like, let's go out for dessert
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or they'll be there when I'm crying my eyes out.
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Or, you know, you have those core people.
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And when I, I never not had that.
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So when I didn't have it in New York, it broke me.
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Like, I felt like I was not in the place I was supposed to be.
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I wasn't enjoying my days there.
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It became a struggle, not because I moved,
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but because I didn't find people
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that I could spend those moments with.
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Then I moved to LA.
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We created this beautiful community
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that we cherish so much that we invest into,
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that invest back into us.
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Yeah.
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And it's made LA, which I never thought it would,
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but it's made it feel like home.
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Yeah.
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And so people, people are home.
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You know, it's our deepest human nature.
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Yeah, of course, it has.
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It's how we survived, though, as like cavemen.
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Yes.
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Like, the, like, lone guy would die,
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but the crew would live.
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Yeah.
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Because they would protect each other.
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And like, the, the moms would like feed each other's babies.
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Like, we, it's so deep in our nature
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to be in community and be like, received by people.
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I think that's why realizing, like, as a, you know, the bullying,
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like being cast out as a little kid is like,
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it's so like jarring your system.
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Because we need to be, and not everyone does.
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Like, my, my fiance, my, I guess he's my husband by the time you guys see this.
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He doesn't need friends the way that I need friends.
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Yeah.
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One's different.
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Yeah.
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Maybe it's a boy and girl thing too.
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I do kind of think it is.
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Yeah, I think so.
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I know.
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Girls, girls, like, have this desire to just connect.
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And I think more often, and in more of an emotional way.
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Yes.
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I find.
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Totally.
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But that's so nice that you've maintained such deep friendships.
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The industry part, though, is tricky.
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Like, you know, you might have a client who has the same,
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let's just say, like, hair and makeup people for years.
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Yeah.
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And then the client goes the way.
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And then all of a sudden, you don't hear from those people anymore.
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Right.
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I like, wait, I thought we were friends.
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Yes.
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But we're not.
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OK, noted.
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Yeah.
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And that's fine.
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But I think moving forward, you start to really realize,
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you know, who your people are.
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And there are different cycles for different things.
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Yeah.
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And you want to connect.
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But it's like, those aren't going to be the people
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that you call when times get tough.
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Yeah.
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Exactly.
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But it's very confusing because you do spend huge chunks
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of time sometimes, these people.
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And you go through life.
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Life is happening with them.
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Exactly.
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It's a very false sense of like, oh, you were in this together.
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But we're not.
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It's temporary community.
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We're paid to all be here.
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Yeah.
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And you're just here for right now.
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Yeah.
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It's a seasonal community.
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Yeah.
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That's fine.
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That's true.
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But it's like, it's purpose.
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It serves as purpose.
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But it's not real.
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Those are not my, you know, my people.
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What emotion do you find difficult to digest or handle?
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Do you have any emotions that you find difficult to?
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Such a good question.
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I think like extreme anger is hard for me.
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Yeah.
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How do you express anger?
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Well, how does it come out of you?
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Well, it doesn't as much anymore because it was my go-to emotion for so long.
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I now almost like have a hard time accessing it because I've like done so much work on my,
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like, I'm almost like so ripped open now that I like, it's hard.
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Like I went through a really tough thing last year and my therapist kept being like,
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come on, get angry with me.
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And I would be like, I can't.
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I'm just sad.
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Oh, I'm just sad.
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When they do say that anger is a secondary emotion.
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Exactly.
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So it's not the real thing.
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It's not.
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It's a build up.
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So the fact that you keep releasing and letting things go,
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anger comes when you harness and hold onto things too much.
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And so whether it's sadness, whether it's disappointment,
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it's actually the build up of those things.
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Totally.
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That create the response being anger.
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It's never anger is the primary emotion.
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Exactly.
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And I think because I've done a lot of work on that,
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it's like not my go-to anymore.
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And so when someone comes at me with anger, I'm like, oh my god,
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you are not dealing with the real thing.
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You know, like you need to like really do some taking.
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Yeah, exactly.
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It's not about this.
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You know, I think I also really suffer with people who can't take accountability or like,
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victims of life because I just feel like, I don't know.
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Yeah.
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Life is giving you exactly the curriculum that you need to learn and grow and be better.
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Yeah.
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You are not a victim to your ex-husband or your, you know,
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job or whatever.
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Like we all have the opportunity to change and like,
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take control of our lives.
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And like obviously, obviously there are victims.
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That's not what I'm talking about.
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You know, I'm talking about someone who's everything is everyone else's fault.
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Yes.
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You know, I have a hard time with that.
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Yeah, I agree.
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I think that there's so many times that that's the easier option though.
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Like it's so much easier.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Of course.
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You know what?
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I'll blame everybody else except for me because if they're the problem and I'm not,
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then I don't have to work.
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Exactly.
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Or I don't have to look at myself.
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A hundred percent.
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It's like ignorance is probably bliss.
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I know.
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I just don't really use.
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I wish I could.
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I don't know.
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I've gone too far down this therapy hole where I just like, I can't.
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I can't.
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I can't.
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Are you a cryer?
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Do you cry?
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Yes.
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Oh my god.
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Yes.
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Are you?
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Oh, yes.
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I cry through every every every release of emotion for me,
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whether it's happiness, sadness, anger, frustration.
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It comes out in tears and I I really appreciate that because it comes quick.
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And then it flows and it goes.
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But I definitely, yeah, I really appreciate the
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process of releasing my emotions through that.
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It's so healthy.
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Yeah, and we know it's like so great.
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I Megan Fox always jokes that she like cries in the shower every night.
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Oh, it does seem.
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The same thing.
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Good, bad.
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You know, it's just her way to like release.
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And you know, sometimes it's just you gotta like get it out of your body.
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Yeah, you know, I sometimes wish.
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Sometimes I have a harder time accessing it and then other times it'll just
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just come.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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For sure.
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I got some quick fire questions.
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Okay.
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Great.
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Okay.
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Favorite affordable places to shop.
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Oh, good question.
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Well, Eritia love.
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Yeah.
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They should pay me by the way.
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I really should.
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I like always plug them.
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Do you?
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I just think they're great.
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Okay, great.
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I think Eritia is great.
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I think Zara can be great.
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What else do I love?
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I mean, anything on a revolve.
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I don't know if that's like affordable.
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No, I really think it is.
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I find yeah, revolves got some good stuff on it.
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There's some really good stuff on revolve.
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Yeah.
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And I do a lot of work with them and I just think that they have like great brands,
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great quality.
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I'm a big revolve, girlie.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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Love those.
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What's trending right now that you love?
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And is it a trend that you started?
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That's funny.
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I mean, I think the like the off-duty like cool girl thing is.
spk_0
Yeah, it's kind of, I started it.
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Yeah.
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Okay, give me what that outfit looks like.
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What's cool girl off-duty?
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You know, it's probably baggy jeans,
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full sneakers, little jewelry.
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Not what I'm wearing.
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Yeah, exactly.
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Pretty much what you're wearing.
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Probably not this shirt.
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This is, I was trying to, you know, be a little more sophisticated.
spk_0
It's funny.
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I'm in a funny age like for era of life where I'm like in this in between like,
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I'm a stepmother.
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I'm a, you know, palisades girl.
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I'm like, I'm 30.
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You said what did I?
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I'm literally like, who am I right now?
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I'm going through a weird moment for sure.
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Because I'm like trying to grapple with like my age.
spk_0
spk_0
But I still feel like a cool young hot girl.
spk_0
You definitely are.
spk_0
You're still that.
spk_0
Thanks.
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Okay, what trends are you really disliking right now?
spk_0
Oh, you know, the capris are coming back and I'm curious.
spk_0
Okay, I'm curious.
spk_0
It's like you could style them.
spk_0
I probably, I think it's body type.
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Like I'm such a dress for your body type kind of person.
spk_0
And like I think obviously if you're tall and skinny,
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you're going to look great in a capri because it's cutting your leg in a funny place.
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You know, so if you have short legs,
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that's going to just cut you off.
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Yes.
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So if you care about that, you know,
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that's something to think about, I guess.
spk_0
I don't love the like young girls dressing old.
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I just think I don't love it.
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I appreciate like classic obviously and sophisticated.
spk_0
But I think like as a 37 year old,
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I'm like, you have your whole adult life to dress like that.
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You are 23.
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Like live your life.
spk_0
Like show the belly.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm fine.
spk_0
Whatever it is, like I just,
spk_0
some of these young girls are just aging up a little bit.
spk_0
And I just, it's not my favorite.
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A best tip for a tall girl that's trying to pick appropriate clothing for her.
spk_0
Like all girls are the easiest.
spk_0
But everything looks good on them.
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Okay.
spk_0
Holland Dan is like, it's a joke.
spk_0
That everything looks good on them.
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Yeah.
spk_0
Best shot in the year.
spk_0
spk_0
It's okay.
spk_0
What about if someone is shorter and struggles with cuts?
spk_0
Like what's the best cut for somebody who's?
spk_0
Well, if you're shorter and you want to like lengthen your legs,
spk_0
you want like a, like a high waisted probably.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Depending on your waist.
spk_0
And what like high waisted was sort of like a, like a straight leg.
spk_0
Mm-hmm.
spk_0
That's going to help with the leg.
spk_0
It's all about where you bring the eye to.
spk_0
So if you have, you know, a high, like,
spk_0
high waisted with a belt,
spk_0
and then you do kind of what I'm doing right now,
spk_0
you're bringing the eye up.
spk_0
Oh.
spk_0
That's pretty cool.
spk_0
I don't think I feel like this is just science to it.
spk_0
A little bit.
spk_0
It helps me when I know it's just my eye.
spk_0
I just need to be in the room with somebody and then I'm like,
spk_0
ah, God, we only know.
spk_0
We only want to you in all of our own.
spk_0
Me too.
spk_0
I, um, thank you so much for this.
spk_0
What are you reading right now, by the way?
spk_0
That's what we're going to be talking about.
spk_0
Oh, I just read, um, what's the book that Oprah just wrote
spk_0
with the guy about happiness?
spk_0
What's it called?
spk_0
Build a life you want.
spk_0
Oh, yeah.
spk_0
Yeah, I'm reading Build a Life you want.
spk_0
And then it's funny.
spk_0
It was like, it was like simple practical tools.
spk_0
All things I've known before.
spk_0
Are there books in Oprah?
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
They came together and they like did this book.
spk_0
And it's nothing that I haven't heard before.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It was very basic in that sense.
spk_0
But if, I don't know, it was like perfect also.
spk_0
Until the two of us remind us that you need to be single day.
spk_0
Gratitude.
spk_0
Like if you can just get into gratitude every day,
spk_0
no matter when the going gets tough,
spk_0
if you're having the worst day,
spk_0
if you can just sit and think of five things
spk_0
that you're grateful for,
spk_0
how that just little bit of perception can shift.
spk_0
It's a whole day.
spk_0
A whole day.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
What are you reading right now?
spk_0
I'm reading, um, feel the fear of doing it anyway.
spk_0
Ooh, love.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Have you read that?
spk_0
Oh my gosh, it is a brilliant book.
spk_0
I highly recommend it.
spk_0
It really helps you to figure out why you have the perceptions
spk_0
you have of yourself, but also.
spk_0
That's so good.
spk_0
I like it so much about what other people think.
spk_0
Have you done the half-in process yet?
spk_0
No, have you?
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Is it amazing?
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
Okay, I really want you to do it.
spk_0
Life changing.
spk_0
Life changing.
spk_0
I've had three friends that are going to do it.
spk_0
Life changing.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
I just like, wow.
spk_0
Like what we get from our parents
spk_0
and how those patterns like follow us.
spk_0
Not genetics as well.
spk_0
It changed.
spk_0
It literally, like, I would not be in my relationship
spk_0
if it wasn't for all of them.
spk_0
Wow.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It really helped me see what was holding me back.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm healthy, love.
spk_0
Okay, I'm going to do that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
What are you most excited about?
spk_0
Well, I kind of know that right now.
spk_0
But what are you most excited about right now?
spk_0
Well, like the teacher.
spk_0
I know.
spk_0
I'm just excited about it.
spk_0
I'm just excited about it.
spk_0
Give me a whole wife.
spk_0
A whole wife.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Like I just, I worked so hard to get to my man, you know.
spk_0
And I just feel so grateful.
spk_0
And we've worked really hard at our relationship, you know.
spk_0
So I feel like I'm excited for a marriage.
spk_0
A partnership and God willing a child.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
spk_0
Well, thank you for being here.
spk_0
Thank you for this conversation.
spk_0
Thank you.
spk_0
You're magical.
spk_0
And I like cannot wait to see how your life changes
spk_0
and expands beyond your imagination.
spk_0
Oh, thanks.
spk_0
Of course.
spk_0
That gotcha.
spk_0
Thanks.
spk_0
spk_0
For having me.
spk_0
Thanks for like putting good vibes in the world.
spk_0
You and your husband.
spk_0
It's like we need more of it.
spk_0
Just more and more and more.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Well, never stop.
spk_0
spk_0
Just on the way.
spk_0
Trying the best.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Hey, I'm Jay Chetty.
spk_0
My marriage.
spk_0
I felt the love dying.
spk_0
I was crying every day.
spk_0
I felt in the deepest depression that I had ever had.
spk_0
This **** was not given to me.
spk_0
I worked my ass off for me.
spk_0
Listen to on purpose with Jay Chetty
spk_0
on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts
spk_0
or wherever you get your podcasts.
spk_0
I love that you're not going to be a part of my life.
spk_0
spk_0
spk_0
You created a system that revolves around
spk_0
you creating pockets of peace.
spk_0
World Mental Health Day is around the corner.
spk_0
And on my podcast,
spk_0
Jess Heel with Dr. Jay,
spk_0
I dive into what it really means
spk_0
to care for your mind, body, and spirit
spk_0
from breaking generational patterns
spk_0
to building emotional capacity.
spk_0
I'm going to walk away feeling like,
spk_0
yes, I'm going to continue my healing journey.
spk_0
Listen to Jess Heel with Dr. Jay
spk_0
from the Black Effect Podcast Network
spk_0
on the I Heart Radio app.
spk_0
Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
spk_0
Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene.
spk_0
The podcast where silence is broken
spk_0
and stories are set free.
spk_0
I'm Ebene.
spk_0
In every Tuesday,
spk_0
I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories
spk_0
that will challenge your perceptions
spk_0
and give you new insight on the people around you.
spk_0
Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private
spk_0
from the Black Effect Podcast Network.
spk_0
Tune in on the I Heart Radio app,
spk_0
Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen
spk_0
to your favorite shows.
spk_0
This is an I Heart Podcast.