Comedy
Squish the Little Guy with JPC and Mike Brunlieb
Join JPC and Mike Brunlieb in this hilarious episode of Fudgecast as they navigate the absurdities of Airbnb etiquette and the chaos of shared living spaces. Expect plenty of laughs as they dive into ...
Squish the Little Guy with JPC and Mike Brunlieb
Comedy •
0:00 / 0:00
Interactive Transcript
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We are bringing the main feed freaks and the improv perverts back together again for our first official
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main feed full episode back on the main feed which is pretty sick and I'm super excited because it's JPC from Heyrida Rittle
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It's Mike Brunley from Sand. We've got them together and it is such a funny episode
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edited by Nick McMillan. He did sound editing on this one and full on editing on this one. He did a phenomenal job
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So thank you so much Nick
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If you want all our episodes from the summertime the full episodes you can check out our patreon patreon.com slash fudgecast
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Where you can get all of our backlogged improv is dead episodes you can get
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bonus episodes you can get the videos from our live fudge and friendships and you get some videos from
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These episodes that were recorded that we put up on the patreon a couple days after this episode is out if you want a raw dog the episode
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No sound effects and see our faces you can check that out
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But this is the full episode no need for the previews anymore. This is the whole dang thing
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Thank you so much for sticking with us and welcome back to the main feed freaks
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Check out that patreon if you're interested patreon.com slash fudgecast and enjoy this week's episode of fudgecast
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This is fudgecast
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Open your ear holes
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and release
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your
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You
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This week's scene request is you're stinking up the whole Airbnb from pan-suit Picachu
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So
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Do we got it take out the trash and some of the yeah, let me check them
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List here. Yeah, trashy cycling sheets
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Did you guys strip your sheets guys? That's the last day. This is the first day. Let's have some fun, okay?
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Let's whoa, you know, why you looking over the thing now. I'm like, let's we just got here. Let's let's pick bedroom
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Let's do what I have to come with a list now. Do you strip your sheets? I
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Should strip my sheets for sure I already strip my sheets
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So because I picked a bed so maybe we just do a load of laundry
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Because I never trust because the turnaround on these things is like two hours
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And yeah, are they really washing all the sheets like sure? I do it in hotels too
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I wash sheet the first thing I do in a hotel is I get the sheets washed
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They let you use their
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No, I go third party because otherwise how can you trust?
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Shitty job twice yeah, yeah, all right you guys want to give me your sheets
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So you're taking the sheets yeah, I'll drive the sheets to the laundromat
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Yeah, let me yeah, well, I think I'll sleep I'll take this bed. So yeah
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I already dumped the sheets in your car because I figured you were gonna be the driver all right cool that one because usually are yeah
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Yeah, I might actually do my own sheets. No
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I might I wash my own sheet no, no, come on. Why not?
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Yeah, maybe I'll do my own sheets too
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I just got one god damn it Alan. I knew it was gonna be a thing now everyone's gonna want to do their own
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Future will get my sheets. Should I do my own?
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Damn it. He owes me one. Okay, remember he owes me one
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I feel like he's gonna wipe it. He's gonna get my clean sheets back and wipe his ass with them
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What?
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What what?
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Ricks your signature move Rick. What are you gonna do that Rick? What are you gonna do? Oh?
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Yeah, is that why you want it?
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That's why you're trying to collect all our sheets he's trying to white he's trying to find exactly where it's gonna be
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Under our pillow and then he's gonna wipe his ass with our sheets and we put our head down a night
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We're gonna smell his little streak on wait. So wait is he?
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Oh my god Rick's not even gonna wash him. He's just gonna wipe his ass. No, I do believe he's honest and he will wash them
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But I but I believe that as soon as he gets them out. He's going to wipe it
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Wait, I'm gonna watch I'll wash him after I wipe my ass on let's do this let's do this
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Let's all give Rick our sheets. Let's all give Rick our sheets. Yeah, good. Before Rick goes to the laundry mat
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We make him poop here and then take a shower. Yeah
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Because then you know that he won't be able to do the ass perfect
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Perfect that seems like it's perfect
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What objection do you have to that come on? An ass an ass is never cleaned. It's still gonna smell like a butt
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What a couple hours after a shower a couple yes an ass is an ass all right look
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He spreads his cheeks in the shower and we and we hose and we hose
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We'll be in the shower to make sure he doesn't I get to be in there and I get to do the cleaning then yeah, I'm fine
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Okay, so here's what we'll do Rick. We'll have you poop. We don't need to watch that we that honor system don't flush
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Don't flush. Don't don't even I know you're thinking about how you get to accidentally flush
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Yeah, I'm gonna go I'm not he's trying to mission impossible this turret out of the toilet
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Guys, I'm not thinking about you are okay, you don't flush then Alan washes you
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In the shower with the hose attachment because they have a really nice shower here. Mm-hmm. That has that detachable hose. Oh
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Then you go and I get to air and I get to shave the hairs around his ass too because that will catch those will catch oh come on
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Come on Alan you have to that's gonna that catches tank guys is it gonna be like this the whole weekend?
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All right, we got to write this play. No, all right. This is we just need to get this out of the way and then
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We can write the play the whole weekend. I told Ashley had me here for three hours
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This is the whole weekend. This is the whole weekend. Yes, so there you be here for three hours. Yeah, it's a three hour drive here
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That's what I told Ashley too
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And why are we washing your sheets then
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What
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I was gonna bring him home with me. Why you were gonna see my sheet. I thought that's one whole reason we were here with to steal
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Oh my god dated an rb and b before
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Oh, yeah, this is my move. I steal the sheets. They never check. Let's fucking let's just cancel this hole. No
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No, we have to write the play. Please no come on. We have we have to write this play you
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All call Ashley okay, I'll text so I don't think into a big thing. Yeah, and I'll ask if I can stay the whole weekend
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Okay, I'll let her know for me too
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Cuz I told her three hours too
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And I also have to text her and tell her the way you said that
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What the fuck no, I just got a text from Ashley. Where are you guys? Oh, she had the restaurant? She's at the restaurant
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Oh my god, I forgot I took the car. It's been three hours
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She's probably spent stuck at the restaurant for three hours
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All right, she didn't all right, let's just do the things in the order of the operations here go in the bathroom take your shit
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All right, let me know what it's done. Do not flush. I will be in there right after you're done
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I will wash your ass or trim your hairs then
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Trim then wash
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Trim then wash well trim a wash then trim then wash okay, yeah double trim yes
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Trust me you're gonna want it because if this guy gets a hold of our sheets and tries to wipe his ass down
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He's gonna try and hide poop in his butt I guarantee you he was almost me one. He was only doing your sheets
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He only owes you one it's not the rest of us one. Yeah, you think I do it to everybody your paranoia
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Oh, he'll he'll get it. He'll get it. He'll get it. Fuck Ashley just text it again. God damn it. I ordered for you guys. Oh my god
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She's probably gonna order something nasty
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What what do you mean? Yep. Yep. Got another text came in and it's gonna be nasty. She always gets the stinkiest thing on the menu
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Well, you know your sister my wife
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My ex girlfriend. Yeah, and my fiance
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What do you talk about huh wait what my fiance what are you talking about they're engaged man. We got engaged
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She's gonna marry you
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It's a first time here and of it. That's what engagement kind of is
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Isn't that the point of this fucking play we're supposed to write I mean you're you got married to or so
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Should you know the steps the plot of the play that's the play
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Give me give me the
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Here's the skeleton of the whole thing
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Oh, you know what oh you read the I did I thought I did I read that play that we wrote like eight years ago
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The last time we did this. Yeah, that was the play that I read oh my god. Yeah, no this is new. It's a new one. This makes sense
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Yeah, okay. Yeah, this is good. Oh
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Some cool characters in this one too. Yeah, yeah, there's something some pretty good some meaty stuff in there. Yeah, okay
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No, no, I'm down to write it. Yeah, okay, so okay. Hey, he's sneaking off with our sheets. Hey, Rick
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Let's just get this done see
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We'll go in there. What's up welcome to Fudge cast. I'm Tim Lines. I'm Damien and I those voices you heard of that of JPC
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What's up? What's up? Brunly welcome back to the pod boys good to see you. It's great to be here
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It's great to have you back here. We were just at an airbie. Yeah, I think that's why it resonates
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Yeah
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And I felt like we were all pretty cordial. We had eight people. That was great two toilets
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Mm-hmm, and I don't think that there was a single stinky situation the entire time
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We never had and I had never had an issue where I was like I got a piss and I looked around I couldn't get anywhere
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No, yeah, yeah, the the one thing that we had at that airbnb was yes a thousand mosquitoes. There was a lot
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So many of this year has been a bad mosquito yeah, the crazy thing about there's like fucking the Michigan Indian border
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On Lake Michigan. There were so many mosquitoes. I don't know about you guys. I didn't get bit at all
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I didn't get a single bite that itched. I got back home
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I was out for a walk like with my dog 25 minutes. I got back home. I had four mosquito bites
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So it's like the ones in the country out there in the woods were
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We're staying away from this guy. Yeah, they truly didn't want it
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But the ones in my neighborhood they look as I got those deers to feed off on I know they're all like dear blood drunk
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Yeah, you guys in the city the mosquitoes. I feel like this
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I don't know if this is I feel like the last few years. I've been the mosquitoes have striped legs
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Oh, yeah, have you guys noticed and they're faster than they used to yeah, yeah, yeah, faster
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Do you think they're like?
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I really fasted faster than you I think you're slowing down the ones the ones around me Mike are smaller
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They're like they're like they're like little like they're because I see them in my house sometimes and they're hard to kill
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Yes, I'll like lose them tracking them because they're like tiny they're tiny little. Yes
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We check out their legs. Well, they're called I think that the tiny ones are I think those are no cums
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That's it. It's actually a thing is that kind of mosquito. Yes, it is. They're called no cums in the you don't see them
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Whoa honey. Whoa, whoa you're all sweaty. What's going on close your door? Oh, yeah
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Yeah, yeah, oh, she's going to sit down here. Let me get some water. Oh, there these little guys chasing little guys
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I think I would turn around and I'd see these there's these three little guys
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chasing me down. I did drop two of the bags of groceries
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I'm gonna go oh
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And then I turn I have to be running down the block and then I turn around and they'd be gone
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Okay, then I'd hear their little footsteps and then I'd start running again. Yeah
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Okay, oh my god. Hey, I'm just gonna
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I'm gonna check. Oh come here. Okay. Okay. Oh
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God you she's you stay
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Well I ran a mile and a half from the grocery store. Wow
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I'm not gonna talk. I'm gonna look at there's nobody through the I can't see anyone through the people
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Hello, I can't see anyone through the people
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Um, yes, hello
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Hey, I picked up some bags of groceries that I saw a man running into this house
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He dropped these bags of groceries. I didn't know if he was having like a
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Medical oh, no, he's fine. That's that's my husband
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Okay, you can just leave him there. Just leave. Okay. Yeah, yeah, I can't see anyone through the people
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I just hope over a tip I guess I don't know if you ask him if we can come inside of here's the bathroom
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Also move your fucking leg. Oh, I hope it's not my fucking job
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I just hope it's where a tip because I walked these like half a mile. Okay
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Well, let me see if I've got anything in my wallet. Yeah, we're okay. We're just gonna slip it through the through the mail slot, all right
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What here you go. I only have five shit. You only have five. Uh, you know
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I don't actually even need the money. Can I come in and use the bathroom? It's a one
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Okay, it's a one. Are you sure? Well, yeah, I know that it's a one, but I'm gonna sit
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Okay, all right, just be careful. Let's open the door. Let's just be careful. Okay. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go door already
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Thank you for
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Thank you for bringing the groceries. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, just open the door now
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Just open the door now. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for bringing the groceries
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Just open the door. I have to do a number one
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Hey, what is a number one?
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Yeah, so
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Let's
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Tell us can you describe us what you what a number one is
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Just a one a standard one. Yeah, what is that? Well, I'm gonna sit
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And go just sit and go a one
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Sit down, tuck it in between the legs and go backwards so it's flush the back of the seat down backwards
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tuck your legs and hit the water
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I
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Show us your legs
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Put your leg through the mail slot. I'm gonna stick a leg through the mail slot. Put one leg through the mail slot. I'm gonna start eating the groceries out here
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I'm gonna start eating the groceries. Don't
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I'm gonna eat this first
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I'm gonna eat this first. What is this? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay
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I'm gonna play the tindo I'm gonna tindo
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Talk my dick between my legs and the bathroom go to the pee go number one
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Like that
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Here you're a little monster
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My brother's still in there my brother's still in there
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Yeah, we get your little brother
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You like that feel
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He's quitched he was a guy
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Ah, where's the third one? Oh my god. He's back in the road. I left him in the road
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Uh-huh
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Hey, they're little guys you're right
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Yeah, I have my my brothers has to keep up with them. Yeah
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You mind just give me a ride up to street. Sure. Follow me. Good. We have to get to soccer practice. Hey, I took a shot
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It's a little guy
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Okay, come on in
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These are my kids. Oh, you smell hey
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I should keep your nose shut
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Smells bad. Yeah, it smells bad
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He's the same size as us
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Understand that he's a little guy
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Let's take his face is trying to grow a little beard
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So his yours so his yours too Jeremy you both got what you both got dirty little beards
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It's a little isn't my kids. Sorry. They're kind of mean. Oh, it's okay. How come he gets to sit in the front? Huh?
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We're seeing size yeah, why is he gonna sit in front because he probably wipes his ass right
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Sorry my kids let's we'll check it out. Let's check
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Hmm he smells like he does not wipe his ass right
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Sorry about this can you put he shows your ass like you get it these kids you're I got culprits napkin. They'll say stuff like this
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Oh fair unfair that's mine
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No way he was not a wipe is ass right. Oh, Jesus you gotta get out. All right
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You gotta get for once my kids miserable lives. They're right you need to leave you need to hear
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Dequition squish him with the car squish him squish him squish him
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Either we squish him or we're going to dairy queen. It's not both
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Squish him we just had culprits
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You're dead in squish a little guy that would have been on the news that would be on the news of your dad
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I swear to god. I swear to god right we had culprits
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We squished the little guy and then our dead took us to dairy queen right after culprits you guys squished a little guy
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I swear on my
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On your grandmother? Yes, you were in the scene on the news because it happened in a different town. Okay. Yeah
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My dad doesn't live in the town. She would have been national news. No little guy got squished
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Hey boys
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so
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I left the fucking soccer balls
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Uh, my ex-wife's house and so and she's not letting me come over and get him. She's holding them over my head
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So we're just gonna mine today. We're just gonna mine some drills
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So you can how far is it how far is the house? Yeah
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Probably like 15 minutes from here. Well, we'll go hey mr. beaker did is it true that you squished a little guy
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What is it true that you squished a little guy? That's no our dad
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He's not your dad
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Not we we're talked about this not every authority figure in your life is somebody's dad. Our name is flimming
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That's
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My dad I killed myself
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He said he said my wife and I was like man, that's not he would say he would just say your mom not my ex-wife
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He wouldn't call her that in front of us. All right. Let's let's talk a more mime and
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Mr. Beaker let's just go to her house. She'll let you come in and get the balls
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We need a for soccer. We can't mind. Yeah, come on dad
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Alright, let's uh
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Please mr. Beaker your dad well
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Take I'm dating his mom and he's kind of latched on to it pretty quickly and you thought that he was our dad too
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I know your brothers
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All right go over there and see if she'll give you the balls. Give us a ride. Huh? It's 15 minutes or at least the address
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Yeah, it's 1313s sicken more. Shit. We should ask for both 13 13 13s
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Yeah, I live there actually so no way yeah
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Can I help you boys? Hey mom
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Huh? Sorry sorry about him. Sorry about him. He doesn't he's sorry about him
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Get out. You're looking for something specific. Oh do you know ed beaker?
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Ed beaker. Yeah, he's my dad. Oh
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He's not.
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Um, Troy, don't worry about Troy.
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Don't worry about Troy.
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Um, as we could have left some soccer balls over here, we need them for soccer practice.
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We're a soccer team.
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Yeah.
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We're a soccer team.
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We play for our dad help.
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Oh, well, I'm just a little guy.
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Are you sure you have the right address?
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Oh, you're a little guy.
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Yeah.
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14.
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Oh, this is 14, 14.
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Sick of more.
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Hey, mom is it true that, um, did one of you guys get around with this kid?
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Did one of you guys get squished the other day?
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I actually did lose two of my brothers.
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Oh, my God.
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The other one is still missing.
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He's not missing.
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He's squished.
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Yeah, we don't know that yet.
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He's squished.
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The police can't confirm that the fourth of my fourth brother is squished.
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Let's get out of here.
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Yeah, let's get out of here.
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This is bad vibes.
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Could you give us a ride?
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Could you give us a ride 100 blocks west of here?
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Sure.
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I'm sure I'm going to fall off.
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Yeah, 14, 14, 13, 13, 100 blocks.
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That is 100 blocks, actually.
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That checks out.
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Yeah.
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No.
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Yeah, because it's a thousand off.
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So it's, yeah, it's 100, 100 blocks.
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100 blocks.
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100 blocks.
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Why wouldn't it be?
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Let's go 100 blocks and see what the edges are.
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Let's see.
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All right.
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Let's see.
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This little guy will give us a ride.
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Oh, we're lost.
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What?
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See.
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It's not there.
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It's one tree.
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Yeah, it's definitely one.
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It's little guys who changed their like, like, turn it into something, something wild.
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Did you guys play soccer growing up?
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For sure.
spk_0
But were you, did your parents ever bring like the, the treats?
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Like, you know how like they all like took turns bringing treats?
spk_0
Orange slices, caprisons, yeah.
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And it was, I remember it being nerve-wracking.
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When it was my parents turn, because I was like, you don't want to be the parents, or
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you don't have the parents that bring the like shooting stuff.
spk_0
That was the orange slices.
spk_0
Really?
spk_0
Yeah, we just weren't like a fruit snack for like a fun.
spk_0
What the fuck is this healthy?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, it is.
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It wasn't embarrassing.
spk_0
I remember growing up with like soccer or like school supplies or whatever, they would
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always like give you, like tell you what to bring.
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They would give you a list.
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Because it was, we always had orange slices.
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Everybody did orange slices.
spk_0
spk_0
But I do remember once for Little League, do you remember at the drink Mundo?
spk_0
Oh yeah, I like that.
spk_0
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My dad, it's just, you know, nasty shit for kids.
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Like stuff that I can't imagine ever buying for my child.
spk_0
spk_0
Yeah, like, but I remember my dad brought Mundo and it was like a fucking hit.
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Like everybody was a month.
spk_0
It's just here.
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It's just here.
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I mean, it's a squeeze it.
spk_0
It's, yeah.
spk_0
Squeeze it in Mundo were, were, were big.
spk_0
Yeah, yeah.
spk_0
spk_0
I remember Little League, I remember it was T-Ball, but we would get a Coke, but they would
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have a, a twizz learned it as a straw.
spk_0
Oh, what?
spk_0
They were treat.
spk_0
Yeah.
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You bite off the ends of the twizz learned it as a straw and you chewed.
spk_0
But who would give you that?
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Mike.
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Candyman.
spk_0
No, you would go to the concession.
spk_0
Like they would give it to you at the concession.
spk_0
Wow.
spk_0
So I guess it was maybe part of the thing like, yeah, the pro.
spk_0
I remember we got like little paper cups from the concession stand.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And you could pick your drink and I don't, there's got to be a better term for it now,
spk_0
but the term and back then was when you mix all of the drinks together was.
spk_0
Oh, yes.
spk_0
Yeah, the, the un-mentionable.
spk_0
And now you just call, you would just call it mix it up.
spk_0
Mike, but no, it is.
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Do you not?
spk_0
Did they not, where are you from?
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Like, you're from Milwaukee.
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Milwaukee.
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What do you think it would be called if you would?
spk_0
Yeah, it makes me, it doesn't make any sense.
spk_0
They would call it a suicide.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Which is also like what they would call like with the thing where you like run and touch
spk_0
the wine and jibber.
spk_0
Yeah, yeah.
spk_0
Yeah, yeah.
spk_0
That makes sense.
spk_0
It's because you're doing it so much, but I think the thing is with mixing all the drinks
spk_0
was like doing this is crazy.
spk_0
I think both of the crazy, right?
spk_0
Yeah, right, right.
spk_0
It's not like it added more sugar to the drink.
spk_0
It just was a little bit of every drink.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I think yeah, as a kid, you just think it's like, oh, this is going to be insane.
spk_0
And then you taste it, you know, like, yeah, it tastes like kind of awful because it's
spk_0
like not mixed to be a flavorful beverage.
spk_0
But everybody won it.
spk_0
That was what everybody wanted.
spk_0
The pizza is $15.
spk_0
So like if you order the pizza now, I'll put it in and then you just have to wait off
spk_0
to the side and I have to help the rest of the line.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
So and it's going to take like 25 minutes for it to go through.
spk_0
And it's the tombstone pizza.
spk_0
Well, what is ready right now?
spk_0
Is there anything?
spk_0
The candy that I showed you?
spk_0
I've already gone through this twice with you.
spk_0
You can come to my line.
spk_0
I'll do, I'll do whatever you want.
spk_0
All right.
spk_0
I have the same stuff he has.
spk_0
I'll do whatever you want.
spk_0
What do you want?
spk_0
What's the most wonderful thing?
spk_0
All right.
spk_0
I'm just wondering what we can get done quick.
spk_0
Name it.
spk_0
I don't know, pizza.
spk_0
You want pizza?
spk_0
Oh, yeah.
spk_0
I got one right here.
spk_0
All right.
spk_0
Great.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It's a frozen pizza.
spk_0
You know, the frozen pizza is going to take 25 minutes.
spk_0
It's not, if I put it up high, it's not going to take that long.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Does it matter to you if it's like at the temperature, like, standard way.
spk_0
No, you want it fast, right?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
spk_0
I'm popping it right now.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Six hundred degrees, my man.
spk_0
Be out in five minutes.
spk_0
Thank you.
spk_0
You're welcome.
spk_0
See?
spk_0
I'm good.
spk_0
I'm going to wait for this guys line.
spk_0
I have the same stuff he does.
spk_0
What's up, my man?
spk_0
What can I do for you?
spk_0
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
You have like pizzas but really fast.
spk_0
Yeah, yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Because you were, you say you're just 25 minutes.
spk_0
It'll take 25.
spk_0
It'll take 25.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
It's fine.
spk_0
You want it faster?
spk_0
I thought you said you had it right now.
spk_0
No, I mean, I have the pizza.
spk_0
Oh, I assume his was right now.
spk_0
Because I have to wait five minutes.
spk_0
Why am I waiting five minutes?
spk_0
Are we both five minutes?
spk_0
You don't have to ask this guys line.
spk_0
No, no, no, no.
spk_0
I mean, how fast do you want?
spk_0
You want it right now?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
You're saying you got it right now.
spk_0
I'm just going to do you a pizza right now.
spk_0
I have my pizza will be take 25 minutes.
spk_0
This guy's lying to you.
spk_0
I don't think it only goes to my thing only goes up to 400 degrees.
spk_0
You're saying only goes up to 400 degrees.
spk_0
I thought you guys had the same stuff.
spk_0
You have a hot pad or something?
spk_0
It's an oven.
spk_0
It only goes up to 400 degrees.
spk_0
That's the hottest it can be.
spk_0
Hey, I'm going to take your hot pad.
spk_0
What?
spk_0
I'm going to take your hot pad.
spk_0
No, I'm about to put this guy's pizza in.
spk_0
I'm going to take your hot pad out.
spk_0
I just need it to get the pizza door a table.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Yeah, go ahead.
spk_0
There you go.
spk_0
There's a hot pad.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
All right, bring it back, man.
spk_0
You got five minutes.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Okay, so five minutes.
spk_0
So what do you have right now?
spk_0
What do you have like hot right now?
spk_0
Right now I could do when we got the hot dogs on the rollers.
spk_0
We have sausage.
spk_0
Oh, we have the chicken wraps.
spk_0
I got you pizza in right now.
spk_0
Yeah, okay, but five minutes.
spk_0
No, it's going to be less than that.
spk_0
Well, I'm pulling out whenever you want.
spk_0
Yeah, pull it out.
spk_0
You're pulling out.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Do you have a hot pad or?
spk_0
He's got the hot pad.
spk_0
That pizza is still frozen.
spk_0
What's going on?
spk_0
spk_0
Looking at the cheese didn't even melt on that thing.
spk_0
This is frozen.
spk_0
They're using the they're eating on the hot pad.
spk_0
They're eating on it.
spk_0
This is why I tell you don't give out the hot pad.
spk_0
I'm going to do it.
spk_0
I'm going to.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Hey, what's up?
spk_0
Hot pad.
spk_0
What?
spk_0
Hot pad.
spk_0
Yeah, we're eating.
spk_0
I need it back.
spk_0
Hot pad.
spk_0
Yeah, you can have it back when we're dumb.
spk_0
Yeah, no, no, no.
spk_0
I need it now.
spk_0
You can have it back when we're dumb.
spk_0
There's there's plates right there.
spk_0
All right, when you get some paper plates, okay?
spk_0
The hot dogs have buns.
spk_0
We're out of buns right now.
spk_0
So you're just going to bare hand it.
spk_0
How am I going to it's with that hot pad?
spk_0
I can't eat anything in this thing.
spk_0
Well, our hot pad is currently in use.
spk_0
It's not supposed to be, but it's out there.
spk_0
I'm like, I'm watching it go through the crowd on it.
spk_0
Other people are grabbing that hot pad.
spk_0
Get out there and go get our hot pad, man.
spk_0
Get it.
spk_0
Hey, what the fuck you're doing?
spk_0
Get your fucking hands off of me, man.
spk_0
You look you up in there.
spk_0
You hooked you up in there, didn't I?
spk_0
You fucking crazy, man.
spk_0
This piece is so hot.
spk_0
Everybody take a bite out of it.
spk_0
Oh, yeah, yeah.
spk_0
Well, that's the end.
spk_0
Yeah, you want some pizza?
spk_0
Yeah, you want some pizza?
spk_0
That's what you get, man.
spk_0
Oh, fuck, dude.
spk_0
Is skins coming off his face?
spk_0
That's what you get, man.
spk_0
They're calling him pizza face.
spk_0
He's showing up at the park's late at night
spk_0
and scaring children at their little league baseball games.
spk_0
We've got Dave here on the scene who says he's an eyewitness
spk_0
to seeing pizza face in the park.
spk_0
Dave, you said you saw pizza face in the park
spk_0
just last this past Saturday afternoon?
spk_0
Yeah, I was at the concession.
spk_0
I was trying to get my food hot and fast
spk_0
because I wanted to eat hot food now.
spk_0
I don't understand why they don't have hot food ready
spk_0
because they know people are going to want to eat hot food.
spk_0
You shouldn't have to wait 25 minutes for a pizza
spk_0
because...
spk_0
I believe that's why they have the hot dogs and chicken bakes.
spk_0
But they were no buns.
spk_0
But there were no buns.
spk_0
Interesting developments.
spk_0
No buns at the hot and ready stand.
spk_0
Hey, Mike, can I talk to you for a second?
spk_0
Yeah, sure.
spk_0
I know you want to get your stories out there.
spk_0
But there's real news.
spk_0
Yeah, there's real news to cover.
spk_0
Pizza face is real news.
spk_0
He's terrorizing children at parks during little leagues games.
spk_0
I mean, that's according to you
spk_0
and this one-eye witness.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Yeah, so it's kind of...
spk_0
I'm saying we have real stuff going on.
spk_0
Have you covered the city council meeting?
spk_0
Oh my God, it's so boring.
spk_0
It's boring.
spk_0
Don't make us go to the city council meeting.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Sorry.
spk_0
You're live right now.
spk_0
We're live right now on the scene.
spk_0
We're live right now on the scene where my boss is ripping me a new one.
spk_0
Oh, right.
spk_0
We're not covering the news that he wants to get...
spk_0
Greg, put the camera down.
spk_0
You can call in right now.
spk_0
Say we can cover pizza face.
spk_0
Don't try to bury this, man.
spk_0
Honey, get in here.
spk_0
I'm watching the news so they just put the camera down.
spk_0
You can call in right now.
spk_0
Why?
spk_0
I'm like, is the cover pizza there?
spk_0
They're watching the news.
spk_0
We will.
spk_0
And the camera's on the ground.
spk_0
Oh yeah, I just put the camera down and he walked away.
spk_0
What time is that?
spk_0
Is the news is on it?
spk_0
What is it?
spk_0
326?
spk_0
Relive.
spk_0
Are you watching the news?
spk_0
Are you watching something else?
spk_0
Take the camera off of the ground.
spk_0
I don't accuse me of that.
spk_0
I wasn't watching...
spk_0
I'm not accusing you of anything.
spk_0
I'm saying did they come in?
spk_0
You are saying that I woke you up because I was watching cinematics
spk_0
and I changed it to the news real quick because I didn't want to get caught watching cinematics.
spk_0
That's what you're saying.
spk_0
I'm not accusing you of anything.
spk_0
You're saying that.
spk_0
You're saying that.
spk_0
I can't have the same fucking fight with you, Monica.
spk_0
I'm just saying.
spk_0
I don't even care what you're watching on cinematics.
spk_0
We're not paying for another streaming service.
spk_0
All right?
spk_0
I don't care.
spk_0
Go...
spk_0
Use the internet like everyone else, okay?
spk_0
What?
spk_0
Great.
spk_0
You woke up our camel.
spk_0
I'm sorry.
spk_0
He needs to sleep.
spk_0
He's never gonna race if he doesn't sleep.
spk_0
He will race, okay?
spk_0
He better.
spk_0
Yeah, he is going to.
spk_0
All right, don't worry about that.
spk_0
It's okay, it's okay.
spk_0
You need some water, you need some more water.
spk_0
You can't give a camel water.
spk_0
Watch me.
spk_0
Oh, gratchy.
spk_0
See?
spk_0
And number six is coming in dead last.
spk_0
It looks like someone may have given that camel a little too much water.
spk_0
See?
spk_0
I'm live here at the camel races.
spk_0
See, Mike?
spk_0
See?
spk_0
See?
spk_0
spk_0
Camel.
spk_0
Camel.
spk_0
I was watching likes.
spk_0
I tried to figure out the noise the camel makes.
spk_0
He nailed it.
spk_0
He nailed it.
spk_0
I used to love consent.
spk_0
I used to do it a place in Wisconsin.
spk_0
My family would get together with like all the other big friend group
spk_0
when they were younger.
spk_0
They would all go to this place called Sharonburg's Wisconsin.
spk_0
Everyone would rent their own cabin and hang out for a week.
spk_0
It was just a big group of friends.
spk_0
Nobody was family.
spk_0
It was bizarre.
spk_0
There was a concession stand there.
spk_0
They called the canteen or something like that.
spk_0
I remember eating like tombs, don't eat delicious tombs.
spk_0
You rent a paddle boat, go out on the water.
spk_0
We didn't tell our parents that we were going out on the water and we rented a paddle boat and just disappeared until like dusk.
spk_0
They were like, whoa.
spk_0
They were like, they were looking for it.
spk_0
They were freaking the fuck out.
spk_0
Oh man.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
We were just like, I think we were younger and so we paddled out to the middle of the lake and then we got tired.
spk_0
And so you kind of like stuck out there until like, until your energy comes back.
spk_0
We're like too tired.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
You're describing it but it's like your parents were absolutely right to freak out.
spk_0
What are you saying?
spk_0
I'm actually going to the middle of the lake.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm saying like the disaster story that we all think it could be.
spk_0
I remember being, I think we were like six or seven and we were at my aunt and uncles house like a family party and
spk_0
we all got on our bikes and we're like, we should like go to my other uncles house.
spk_0
Like just see if we can like ride there.
spk_0
And the only way we knew was like the freeway.
spk_0
This is like in LA.
spk_0
So we like ride our bikes to the on ramp.
spk_0
No.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Luckily we like didn't get on.
spk_0
I think someone actually came to their senses but we were like, because we had no idea.
spk_0
We're just like, I guess this is the way to go.
spk_0
I feel like every so often there's a new story in Chicago where they're like tourists gets on.
spk_0
Like make sure to try it.
spk_0
And you're always just like, what an idiot.
spk_0
I'm one of those like rental.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
And they're always just like oblivious.
spk_0
So just like, yeah, this feels right.
spk_0
Like just to the right of it is a full bike, a full bike path that you're allowed to be on all at all times.
spk_0
The good news nowadays is like sure drive is always so congested that it's like.
spk_0
You're actually probably five.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Oh, yeah, yeah.
spk_0
It's very safe.
spk_0
It's safe to be on there with a bike.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
I'm sorry sir that that charge is correct.
spk_0
You were charged for being on an interstate on one of our bicycles.
spk_0
That's our just correct.
spk_0
Yes, the charge is correct.
spk_0
There's no there's no mistake here.
spk_0
That's if you do get on an unauthorized road on one of our bicycles, you are charged the thousand dollars.
spk_0
Do you know if you do know if the kids were doing that or is it geotagged or is it a camera?
spk_0
It's geotagged.
spk_0
The bikes are geotagged.
spk_0
There's a sensor on the wheels and there's a sensor on the seat as well so we know like.
spk_0
So let me look this up so the data shows it was.
spk_0
So we rented these bikes from you?
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
It's connected to your card.
spk_0
So we so yeah, so we use the card and then we're and we're and this is the bikes people.
spk_0
Yeah, I just got a call from a number.
spk_0
Yeah, we use the car and we're into the bikes.
spk_0
So we call people to make sure that they know that we can we just can we dispute.
spk_0
You can dispute with your credit card.
spk_0
Well, we dispute it.
spk_0
We dispute it because we weren't even I don't even got it.
spk_0
Well, you know what let me show you is your business near the dunes, the Indiana dunes.
spk_0
It's no, and that's part of the charge actually because you wrote it out of a zone.
spk_0
Who wrote it at the dunes?
spk_0
Yeah, we wrote the bikes all day at the dunes.
spk_0
Okay, well they're not for the dunes.
spk_0
They're a what?
spk_0
So they're their Kalamazoo.
spk_0
Did you enter the bikes?
spk_0
You were into these bikes with the kids?
spk_0
Yeah, what day was that?
spk_0
I can tell you right now it was Saturday.
spk_0
No, that's impossible.
spk_0
We were in Kalamazoo on Saturday.
spk_0
Yeah, we were in Kalamazoo and we were baking all day.
spk_0
Okay, yeah, well these bikes are from Kalamazoo.
spk_0
And it looks like you checked them out.
spk_0
You know what we did?
spk_0
We took the bikes that we rented in Kalamazoo and we drove them to the dunes on Sunday.
spk_0
Because we were in the dunes all Sunday.
spk_0
Because I didn't see any bikes until Sunday.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Garden.
spk_0
Yeah, so.
spk_0
I probably put them on top of the car and forgot about them.
spk_0
We'll still go ahead and contest it.
spk_0
Are you able to put that in here?
spk_0
I can put this butane and I'm, you know, I'll put it in here.
spk_0
I'm hanging on one side.
spk_0
I'm sorry I had another call.
spk_0
I'll put it in here.
spk_0
You guys can hold it up with that.
spk_0
No problem.
spk_0
Hey, hi, I was in the dunes last Saturday and I saw some bikes that I cannot find anywhere
spk_0
around here that I saw people riding.
spk_0
I'm like, where are these bikes?
spk_0
I would love to ride these bikes.
spk_0
A whole family of folks riding through town.
spk_0
I was like, I've never seen these bikes before.
spk_0
I found out the color and the make of them and apparently it goes to your company.
spk_0
And I want to know where the heck can I route one of your bikes and ride around town for a day?
spk_0
You got to go to Kalamazoo.
spk_0
What?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
We're not in the dunes yet, sir.
spk_0
I just saw a whole family.
spk_0
We're telling them they brought those bikes from Kalamazoo.
spk_0
Sir.
spk_0
You're an I or sir.
spk_0
Sir, you know what?
spk_0
I saw a tiger at the San Diego Zoo.
spk_0
That doesn't mean there are tigers.
spk_0
You know, what is this analogy?
spk_0
All right, look, sir.
spk_0
Am I supposed to turn left here?
spk_0
How do we?
spk_0
Do I turn left to get to the rental place?
spk_0
Just keep, just go.
spk_0
Okay, you're fine.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
Sorry, we're going to toll booth out here.
spk_0
This guy's gone by and we're like six times.
spk_0
I keep giving him exact directions.
spk_0
I guess his phone died and he's not.
spk_0
He's never used an actual map before.
spk_0
He's been in the reliance of a tire like a Google map.
spk_0
Yeah, well, no, you're fucking lying to me about these bikes.
spk_0
I want to have a nice relaxing weekend with my family.
spk_0
I got to go back to my wife and tell her they don't have these actual bikes.
spk_0
Sir, explain to me how that's a good business decision by me.
spk_0
It's true.
spk_0
Why do you about not having bikes?
spk_0
Where you are?
spk_0
Why would I do that?
spk_0
Hey Jason, tell us that you got a hot one on the phone.
spk_0
Yeah, it's good.
spk_0
Fucking leave me alone.
spk_0
Has he cursed at you?
spk_0
I don't.
spk_0
I don't think he has.
spk_0
If they curse at you.
spk_0
Fuck you, fuck you.
spk_0
I mean, if it's three times, if it's three times, if it's a bit cursed at you,
spk_0
I have you.
spk_0
You can say whatever you want.
spk_0
I said, ask you.
spk_0
That's not a curse.
spk_0
You know the rules.
spk_0
He's smart.
spk_0
If I get a person one more time and you can lay into it,
spk_0
you can do whatever you want.
spk_0
Hey, just so you know, I'm going to send a couple of little guys around your world.
spk_0
Yeah, you know what you should say?
spk_0
I'm going to send a couple of little guys.
spk_0
You're beginning to be in a visit for a couple of little guys, I know.
spk_0
spk_0
You stink.
spk_0
How do you know that?
spk_0
You stink.
spk_0
How do you even know that?
spk_0
I can smell you through the roof.
spk_0
Who told you that?
spk_0
You stink.
spk_0
Who told you that?
spk_0
Jason, you only cursed when I said you had to do this.
spk_0
Who the heck told you I stink?
spk_0
No, I'm sorry, I'm talking to some, I'm talking to my, my associate.
spk_0
You got it.
spk_0
You have to be a hero or a hero.
spk_0
You got to help your hero.
spk_0
Fuck you.
spk_0
Oh, it doesn't work.
spk_0
It's not meant to act in your fire.
spk_0
Can I help you?
spk_0
So I tried going left.
spk_0
You look at it.
spk_0
It wasn't.
spk_0
I tried going left.
spk_0
And what I, all I was seeing was just trees.
spk_0
And I was seeing.
spk_0
My left.
spk_0
Go my left.
spk_0
So you're right.
spk_0
So that's straight for me?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
So you're just going to go straight.
spk_0
Go straight until you can't go straight anymore.
spk_0
And then you're going to do a roundabout.
spk_0
And then that's going to kick you back on.
spk_0
Sorry, pal.
spk_0
You're looking for eggs.
spk_0
This is the sixth time you've come through my boot.
spk_0
Yeah, I'm looking for the other boot.
spk_0
spk_0
Getting a little bit fed off and pissed off.
spk_0
I'm just trying to get through, I'm trying to get to the, got it.
spk_0
Well, it's the other way around.
spk_0
So you're going to have to go get back on the, on the other side.
spk_0
spk_0
I don't, you know, I don't know what to tell you, man.
spk_0
I'm sorry.
spk_0
What a fucking nightmare.
spk_0
Fuck.
spk_0
One more time.
spk_0
Say it one more time.
spk_0
Say it one more time, sir.
spk_0
Please.
spk_0
Do us both a favor and say it one more time.
spk_0
You and that other guy that you work with.
spk_0
Yeah, couple of reals.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
He says, yeah, yeah.
spk_0
I wish that I could just take both of you guys and wish you together.
spk_0
And turn you into one.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Say it one.
spk_0
One's team and.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Come on.
spk_0
You're almost there.
spk_0
Don't drive away right now.
spk_0
Don't drive away.
spk_0
All right, I'll back up.
spk_0
Hey, my car.
spk_0
Hey, well, I wasn't all the way through yet.
spk_0
What'd you pull up for?
spk_0
It's a booth.
spk_0
You're in the easy pass lane.
spk_0
Hey, fuck you.
spk_0
spk_0
Okay, you know what, sir?
spk_0
The gunner.
spk_0
Oh, he just squashed that little guy.
spk_0
He just squashed that little guy.
spk_0
So I watched the video from last weekend.
spk_0
Yeah, yeah.
spk_0
Unfortunately, his last verse was not at you.
spk_0
So gun in your badge on the table now.
spk_0
I know it's your gun and your badge, but I'm taking it.
spk_0
But I'm taking it.
spk_0
I told you I'm going to take your gun and your badge.
spk_0
How am I supposed to get home?
spk_0
I don't know.
spk_0
You're going to have to hold up somebody with just your fists.
spk_0
Great. Well, you know what?
spk_0
If I get chased down by a bunch of little guys,
spk_0
and I don't make a whole thing.
spk_0
Don't put that on me.
spk_0
This is on you here.
spk_0
Take your gun and in my badge.
spk_0
All right, so I guess I'll just walk home and get murdered by a bunch of little guys.
spk_0
You're a bull for punching a guy.
spk_0
You're a little nice.
spk_0
You swear it to three times.
spk_0
You know the protocol and you did it anyway.
spk_0
Fuck, because you're thirsty for it.
spk_0
Fuck you.
spk_0
One more time.
spk_0
Oh, yeah, you'd like that one.
spk_0
I would love that.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Because I follow the rules.
spk_0
F you.
spk_0
Huh?
spk_0
F you.
spk_0
F boss.
spk_0
Say the whole thing.
spk_0
I say the whole thing.
spk_0
I want a trigger.
spk_0
Huh?
spk_0
No, no.
spk_0
So you say it.
spk_0
Say it.
spk_0
Say it.
spk_0
I would fucking love it.
spk_0
Hey, man, you need a ride?
spk_0
Yeah, man.
spk_0
Do you mind it?
spk_0
No, no.
spk_0
Can I get in?
spk_0
Yes.
spk_0
For a seat.
spk_0
Hey, I got these little guys chasing me.
spk_0
Oh, I knew, man.
spk_0
Yeah, they got swashed on them.
spk_0
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
Everybody in this car is swashed on those little guys.
spk_0
Oh, really?
spk_0
Yeah.
spk_0
For sure.
spk_0
Hop in, man.
spk_0
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
spk_0
We know you, man.
spk_0
We know you.
spk_0
Can I see your guys' legs?
spk_0
Hop in the car, man.
spk_0
I can see your guys' legs really quick.
spk_0
Look at this, man.
spk_0
Look at our torsos.
spk_0
We're on a little guys.
spk_0
Okay.
spk_0
We're full size guys.
spk_0
You're sitting on the car.
spk_0
We're not six little guys.
spk_0
We're three regular size guys sitting on the car.
spk_0
We're not sitting on the car, man.
spk_0
We're not each sitting on a little guy.
spk_0
You're the last chance to get in the car, man.
spk_0
We're like us, man.
spk_0
We know you like squashing little guys.
spk_0
I'm going to go.
spk_0
I'm going to go.
spk_0
Get in the fucking car.
spk_0
Go, you, you, you, you.
spk_0
Get in the fucking car.
spk_0
spk_0
How did you like it, bitch?
spk_0
spk_0
How do you like getting squashed?
spk_0
You like that?
spk_0
Regular size person squashed to death.
spk_0
This is the first instance of a regular size person being squished by a little guy.
spk_0
It seems like the little guys are finally fighting back.
spk_0
And that's the news.
spk_0
And I'm on the scene here with pizza face. He's been found and we're getting his opinion on the growing little guy situation
spk_0
Pizza face. Hey everybody. I just want to clear up the rumors about me, you know, getting being pizza face. I actually
spk_0
Work at the concession stand in this park and I did get I did get burned by pizza, but I'm not
spk_0
Stalking anybody or trying to scare anybody. It's just, you know, it's almost cleared up so it's really not an issue so they picked the camera up.
spk_0
We're still like honey. What are you watching? I'm on you porn like you said. See, look all of there and that's the fun cast. Thank you so much.
spk_0
Mike JPC. I do I love I noticed a video podcast but I love the subtle bits of Mike just setting the camera down.
spk_0
We're listening to the camera. I would love watching news and just watch.
spk_0
Just see people shoes and so funny. So funny. Well, we have some of the video for this. The video kept going out so I apologize for being distracted.
spk_0
Mike, where can folks see your round town?
spk_0
Doing a couple shows at LSI right now. One Wednesdays at 9 30 and then another one Fridays at 10 PM. Nice.
spk_0
About late night shows. Yeah. Yeah. And it's real angels and now with Laurel.
spk_0
Yes. Yes. Yes. Which is amazing. Yeah. And then and then at 10 o'clock with Ali. Yes. And Kyle.
spk_0
Three actors living in a cake. Yeah. Yeah. It might have people get involved in the monthly magic the gathering cube.
spk_0
I just want to go to the Explorer section on discord.
spk_0
Search magic the gallery just see a million discourse. I can't imagine it. I can't remember what it's called but it's definitely not.
spk_0
Oh, yeah. Are you guys play? You guys have been playing for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. Mike's got a cute when we play with this cube every month or so.
spk_0
I'm very intimidated to you have to come. I know you should come. I've been working on him for a while. Yeah. Yeah. If I've never played. If I.
spk_0
Yeah. We're actually talking to Tim right now. I played a lot of college but I would always get like the pre-built decks and then I would like play around.
spk_0
We're like building my own decks but then I would like play somebody and my deck would just absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
spk_0
Yeah. Yeah. You get to make your own bet. Yeah. And you. Yeah. And honestly the cards are like the same every time. So. Yeah. You learn like some of the cards.
spk_0
Oh, cool. Yeah. I'll be I'll be there. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I would say. Before we go to GPC's blog. I'm going to I'm going to plug an earlier episode of when we were called improv is dead.
spk_0
It called Idle on a blossom that Mike did and it's one of my favorites because it's so magic the gathering heavy.
spk_0
It's about a lot of blossom. I think the opening thing of that is like a guy playing magic the gathering and like a mall card turn.
spk_0
And the dad like try it is just one of my favorite really quick if we're talking improv scenes Mike Jimerson and one of the funniest things
spk_0
because he doesn't play magic the gathering or or maybe was Dungeons and Dragons but someone brought up the game and people are playing and he goes,
spk_0
I'm a big spider. He's idea. I'm a big spider. That's the spirit of the game. He's right. That's right.
spk_0
Yeah. JBC. What you got going on? Okay. Podcasts. You can listen to Hey, Riddler Riddle. You can listen to gum shoes and dragons. It's an actual play podcast. I do with Anthony Birch.
spk_0
And improv you can come see world news at 730 Saturdays at Idle. There are a couple of times a month. Yeah, so if you come and I wasn't there. Sorry. Sorry about that. Sorry about you. Mike JBC. Thanks so much for doing the podcast. It's good to have you on. Always. Always.
spk_0
Yeah.