Scott Performs The 2006 Universal Tour Live!

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Forever!

spk_0 It's me!

spk_0 Dog!

spk_0 Warning!

spk_0 The following live performance features a 40-year-old chasing past glory by returning to a beloved job from his youth.

spk_0 It should be nice, but on the other hand, that is the plot of American beauty.

spk_0 So, we apologize if this show at any point gives you spacey vibes.

spk_0 Today's show will be a tight 90 minutes, because we've got to catch a plane for our next show at the ReAD Comedy Festival.

spk_0 In today's performance, the role of Woopie Goldberg, usually played by Woopie Goldberg, will be played by the understudy, me.

spk_0 Jason Sheridan.

spk_0 And now, to turn Dynasty typewriter into a tram that can't move, its podcast the ride live!

spk_0 The next show will be played by the understudy, me.

spk_0 Hello, everyone.

spk_0 And welcome to the premiere Los Angeles theatrical event of this Sunday at 4pm.

spk_0 I know we've got competition at this time, probably a couple of puppet shows or something, but we believe you are at the most meaningful, the most special, the most dynamic presented by us here at Podcast the Ride.

spk_0 I'm Scott Gardner. Hello.

spk_0 And over there.

spk_0 Hi, my name is Mike Carlson.

spk_0 And the only thing that could be more exciting than this is if I were to explain how to plan a closet, like I was working at the container store, my job when I was 21 years old.

spk_0 That is a perfectly viable idea for a future live show.

spk_0 I know I'm going to do it.

spk_0 I think that could be great. Yes, we put up a number of different containers of different shapes and sizes.

spk_0 Yeah, you figure out what goes into what.

spk_0 I could plan everyone's closet one by one in the theater.

spk_0 That's an upcharge for that. That's a special thing.

spk_0 And over here, sir.

spk_0 And I'm Jason Sheridan.

spk_0 I...

spk_0 You know, I like the man they show.

spk_0 And right now, we don't have to compete with any of the popular Los Angeles cloning shows, because they all took out hateous to play Orte the Clown at Halloween R-Nights.

spk_0 You've had a little bit of art encounter. I don't want to jump ahead.

spk_0 I mean, look, we're in September. I don't want to think ahead to broadcast the fright.

spk_0 But just any preview about what it's been like to be around Orte the Clown?

spk_0 I, you know, it's great to see him, you know.

spk_0 It's a bit misunderstood, but once you've learned that he just wants to slash you, you know.

spk_0 Everyone starts having a little more fun, you know.

spk_0 His goals are clear. Yes.

spk_0 That's a good thing. That's a good thing.

spk_0 Well, listen, I'm so excited that everyone was down to be part of this, to come to this, because you know, it's a little bit of a different show for us.

spk_0 It's a less live podcast and more legitimate theater.

spk_0 It's very serious. I'm happy that there are some laughs now, but I hope that they taper off.

spk_0 Because this is going to get quite heavy.

spk_0 I mean, as evidenced by the way that I am dressed for anyone just listening to this, I am in a black turtle neck, which is of course the uniform of an actor.

spk_0 At least when I Googled a clip art of actor, that's what I found.

spk_0 Well, I am wearing my 2006 era Universal Studios hat and t-shirt combo.

spk_0 And my dad bought it for me, so you can't make fun of it.

spk_0 I really went nuts when I was out here for school buying all kinds of souvenirs and stuff, because I didn't know when I would be back here.

spk_0 I thought I was moving to New York City. What a pipe dream.

spk_0 Well, if we are all talking about different shows where we revisit our past, what was to become of New York Jason?

spk_0 I don't think I know this. I don't know. Did I know this?

spk_0 I spent some weekends there after school, and it is very overwhelming.

spk_0 Great city to visit.

spk_0 You saw pictures of it and thought, I want to move there, then you went and changed your mind.

spk_0 And I'm like, I'm work up through both sitting in a car and going to in an out burger.

spk_0 So...

spk_0 It was too... would you say it's too much hustle and bustle?

spk_0 Well, I know it's concrete jungle where it concrete trees are made up.

spk_0 Where it's made up.

spk_0 Now are they made or they're made up?

spk_0 Where they're made up.

spk_0 Maybe that doesn't.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It probably sounds better sung.

spk_0 The mayor tells me it's the Istanbul of America.

spk_0 First stops always in Istanbul. That's what he says.

spk_0 Yeah. He dropped out today though.

spk_0 He did.

spk_0 I miss this news. I've been too busy preparing.

spk_0 Fair.

spk_0 Not up on current events.

spk_0 I've been living in a realm of theater of the mind.

spk_0 You know, because this is like, you know, I've been a little bit nervous about this.

spk_0 I'm going to be honest, because today I have committed to returning to what I consider my signature role on this earth.

spk_0 And it's not Macbeth and it's not Hamlet and it's not Alexander Hamilton.

spk_0 It is something so much more difficult to pull off than all of those things.

spk_0 As you know, we... as hopefully, you know, we've been in the month of September.

spk_0 Have you been enjoying September?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's good. It's good.

spk_0 I'm happy to hear it. It's all been near and dear to my heart.

spk_0 And we've been exploring every nook and cranny of the world famous Universal Studios tram tour.

spk_0 But now it all comes down to this.

spk_0 Today, I have to prove that I still have what it takes to do the lowest paying job I ever had.

spk_0 Do I have it in me to be paid so poorly anymore?

spk_0 Or we'll find out, because tonight's or whatever now, this afternoon, tonight in New York,

spk_0 Hey, you're right.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 You're watching live in New York.

spk_0 Hey.

spk_0 How's it going?

spk_0 Hello audience, digital audience around the world.

spk_0 It's a special, a special hey for you.

spk_0 Yes, that is true. Hello to everyone live streaming.

spk_0 Appreciate it.

spk_0 Okay, so today at 4 p.m. here, I am for the first time in nearly two decades going to perform.

spk_0 The Universal Studios tram tour.

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 One of the great texts, one of the great texts.

spk_0 And you know, in the way that there's different versions of the Bible that we consider legitimate.

spk_0 And this one, no, that's the true one.

spk_0 And this one was watered down and it's incorrect.

spk_0 I think that there is only one true version of the Universal tram tour.

spk_0 And that is the version that I knew that I performed in 2006.

spk_0 You all agree, there's full agreement on this.

spk_0 A time of whoopee, a time of Al Roker.

spk_0 Should we call it like the King's Scott version?

spk_0 Or is there a better way?

spk_0 I mean, I can't think of a better way to put it myself.

spk_0 Yeah, I sign off on this.

spk_0 2006, 2006, a time of hope and optimism, at least for me,

spk_0 and a time where I looked like this.

spk_0 There he is.

spk_0 Look at that.

spk_0 He's taking things very seriously.

spk_0 He knows the duty that bears on his shoulders to, you know, have to show strangers where they filmed Christmas with the cranks.

spk_0 They don't trust just anyone with that.

spk_0 There's 100 new people this summer.

spk_0 I also looked like this.

spk_0 I posted some of these online.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 Yes, indeed.

spk_0 That's what I was going for.

spk_0 Did I land there?

spk_0 You look like an all-American reject.

spk_0 Ironically, yes.

spk_0 No, maybe it's self-hatred.

spk_0 Maybe that's what it is.

spk_0 And then look at this one.

spk_0 Whoa.

spk_0 Oh, geez.

spk_0 So, so, so, so, so, coy.

spk_0 It's giving Kylo Ren.

spk_0 Watch out.

spk_0 I might throw you off a bridge.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Throw your dad off a bridge.

spk_0

spk_0 Watch out, dad.

spk_0 This is me.

spk_0 I'm 126 pounds and not yet of legal drinking age.

spk_0 And this is the version of myself that I must become again today with the power of acting.

spk_0 And I'm blessed today to not have to go it alone the way I used to have to do lonely tour after lonely tour.

spk_0 Today, I have an amazing ensemble cast.

spk_0 That is my co-host, it's my con Jason.

spk_0 Yes, indeed.

spk_0 I mean, I'm so lucky to have help, to have support, and to have people who are going to be playing important other roles in this crucial text of the tram tour.

spk_0 Roles that they were given somewhere between three to no minutes to look over.

spk_0 I guess feel okay, feel comfortable.

spk_0 I feel fine.

spk_0 I feel, yeah, I feel great.

spk_0 And I will say Mike and I did make a handshake agreement that we would be dead silent for the times.

spk_0 We don't have a script.

spk_0 So that you can be word perfect, like a sork and a plain performance.

spk_0 So you can be the Ricardo's, you know.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 I thought I was nervous before, but now that's what you're becoming.

spk_0 Yeah, that's true.

spk_0 No, I can't think of it.

spk_0 I have to become the be the Ricardo's.

spk_0 I get to become the Ricardo's.

spk_0 And also, we want to, we forgot to tell everybody what we're doing tonight.

spk_0 If Scott makes a mistake, we have to do the whole thing over again.

spk_0 So this is going to be like a sitcom taping.

spk_0 And we're going to cut it together.

spk_0 So you might be here for six, seven, eight hours.

spk_0 I apologize to the people in New York.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 It's going to get awfully late for you.

spk_0 Well, you know, don't worry.

spk_0 There will be incredibly cold pizza coming to help you pass the time.

spk_0 A single slice of little Caesar's cheese on a dirty napkin with a miniature bottle of water.

spk_0 And you will enjoy that six hours.

spk_0 It will not at all feel like you are in prison.

spk_0 That's one of those real Hollywood truths.

spk_0 Yes, TV tapings are no fun at all.

spk_0 We will try to make that not the case here.

spk_0 And I'm going to try to have fun.

spk_0 I want to have fun, but it's also, it's intimidating.

spk_0 It's intimidating what I need to do here.

spk_0 You know, you guys act, but I'm a little less of an actor than you are.

spk_0 And then to go all the way to the front of the line, I have to play the most challenging role of all, myself.

spk_0 I mean, that's tough.

spk_0 It's all order.

spk_0 And it requires channeling some darkness.

spk_0 I know I've been talking all month about how idyllic this was and the ultimate summer dream job.

spk_0 But that's not everything.

spk_0 That's not every bit of this experience.

spk_0 Things didn't start that way for me.

spk_0 You know, basically the summer of 2006 was supposed to be the worst summer of my life.

spk_0 Right at the beginning, I got dumped and it was hitting me really hard.

spk_0 I had to move back in with my parents and I didn't want to do that.

spk_0 And my best prospect was a job cleaning up soda stains at the AMC promenade multiplex in Woodland Hills.

spk_0 That was, I mean, the theater deserves the applause, but RIP, really departed.

spk_0 But you know, not what I didn't want to brave that to possibly get prime seats for a snake on a plane showing at the end of August.

spk_0 It's so it's good to remember you all remember snake sort of plane weird things Eric Adams says.

spk_0 These are universal references.

spk_0 We all know by heart.

spk_0 Yeah, it's going to be crazy.

spk_0 It's going to be so random.

spk_0 They're, they're re-edited.

spk_0 They're filming new stuff because it's what the fans wanted.

spk_0 And the snakes look like shit.

spk_0 It's going to be so funny.

spk_0 Now that was, see, that was one year later.

spk_0 You're right.

spk_0 I could have had the opportunity for early access.

spk_0 But you know, here I am in the dreary summer of 2006.

spk_0 And in that time, not feeling so great about things, I went to that theater.

spk_0 And I went to go see, I was like, let me just go see something just to get my mind off of how a bum die am,

spk_0 about being back with my parents in the break up and everything.

spk_0 And what I didn't expect is that when this movie began, there was a Ben Fold song in it.

spk_0 And kind of a, kind of a ballad.

spk_0 And Ben Fold's music was very much the soundtrack over this relationship.

spk_0 And I didn't expect to hear it.

spk_0 And now I'm here and I'm hearing it.

spk_0 And I'm in the movie theater where I feel like I'm going to be trapped all summer.

spk_0 And I just, I had an absolute meltdown.

spk_0 I burst into tears.

spk_0 I burst into tears in the movie theater.

spk_0 What song was it?

spk_0 Well, the song is called Still.

spk_0 Oh, yeah, it's a nice song, right?

spk_0 But I think more importantly, for these circumstances of me weeping in a theater,

spk_0 is that the name of the movie was Over the Hedge.

spk_0 Shhh.

spk_0 Oh, what was me?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 I was, I was, I was publicly weeping at a movie,

spk_0 which features a talking possum named Heather, voiced by Avril Levine.

spk_0 But that guy in the first picture was not scrapped from Ice Age.

spk_0 No, no, no, no.

spk_0 That was a different one.

spk_0 I forget that might even be like a Fox versus Dreamworks.

spk_0 I forget the party lines here.

spk_0 Gary Shanling in this movie?

spk_0 Yes, yeah, Gary Shanling.

spk_0 William Shatner is a possum who's the dad of the Avril Levine.

spk_0 Look, it's not the movie's fault.

spk_0 I was not in a good place.

spk_0 Don't put any of the blame on Over the Hedge.

spk_0 Did you at least cheer yourself up by going to the car, plugging in an iPod classic,

spk_0 and playing William Shatner's version of Common People?

spk_0 Produced by Ben Folds.

spk_0 Yes, indeed.

spk_0 No, but it was, see, that was tainted.

spk_0 You see, even as production I couldn't listen to, I wasn't in a good way.

spk_0 I felt as though I had lost my Heather the possum.

spk_0 And that's me in to Dream 2006.

spk_0 I am bawling my eyes out at a possum movie.

spk_0 And by August 2006, I was on top of the fucking world.

spk_0 And I owe it all to the Universal Studios tram tour.

spk_0 That's absolutely true.

spk_0 You had stopped fighting the battle of who could care less.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 I could never rest.

spk_0 No, but this is, that's why I just wanted to fill you in on some of the process.

spk_0 Some of what, you know, sure, this might end up with me yelling at a giant animatronic ape,

spk_0 but the backstory, the backstory is darker than that, you see.

spk_0 And this is the journey that I want to take you all on today.

spk_0 But it's a journey that I can't go on until I look the part my strove if you please.

spk_0 I was like, oh, it's CACs, brother.

spk_0 I did zip up after the bathroom.

spk_0 Yes, okay, good.

spk_0 That would have had a whole other effect if that wasn't the case.

spk_0 Yeah, take a look, boys.

spk_0 Take it in.

spk_0 Oh, yeah, there you go.

spk_0 I'll save some of the good view for them.

spk_0 Yes, look at this.

spk_0 A wardrobe that completely sexually neutralizes anyone wearing it.

spk_0 The tram, a tram tour guide would kill for that reaction to their outfit.

spk_0 Can you imagine a tram person gets on, they usually are greeted with this,

spk_0 like, when people are just looking down or trying to deal their kids and they erupt in like a rapturous applause,

spk_0 as if Axel Rose has gotten on stage in the, in 1991.

spk_0 Yeah, wow, is that the biggest applause for Kekki shorts that has ever taken place?

spk_0 Yeah, maybe.

spk_0 I'm stacking the deck.

spk_0 That's what's great about stacking the deck.

spk_0 Also, this is the real deal shirt.

spk_0 The pants I was just trying to proximity, but I don't know if I get exactly the gender neutral crotch puff.

spk_0 That's what I remember just looking at a break room of 30 people all wearing this,

spk_0 men and women, all with just this embarrassing, like, a baby bump in the crotch.

spk_0 Um, lately humiliating, but not now.

spk_0 You guys made me feel like a million bucks, true, and that's on.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 You have to be like sealed into those pants by a higher up at Universal.

spk_0 You'll never get out.

spk_0 Well, all right.

spk_0 So the next line is like, now I look at the part, but I first have to take the Velcro off of the...

spk_0 Yeah, please, don't hurt yourself.

spk_0 No, no, don't hurt us, Rip.

spk_0 So in a second, that really reduces the drama, doesn't it?

spk_0 Yeah, okay.

spk_0 Well, look, I'm not afraid to be honest with you.

spk_0 On a road, I know.

spk_0 Is there a tag on that?

spk_0 Yeah, I am considering returning it, yes.

spk_0 Get Jason out of there.

spk_0 Jason, get Jason out of there.

spk_0 I'm behind that idea.

spk_0 Jason shared it.

spk_0 No one has bought and returned more outfits for comedy shows than Jason shared it.

spk_0 That's the guy.

spk_0 No one's ever said the words, I don't think we need to pay for props for this more than Jason shared in.

spk_0 So he appreciates that, Scott.

spk_0 Well, Amazon makes it so easy now.

spk_0 It's not a process.

spk_0 Yeah, Amazon makes it easier, but also I learned skills from wardrobe departments.

spk_0 Because they would be like, hey, could you just tuck that tag in?

spk_0 Just don't get on camera.

spk_0 We're going to return that.

spk_0 See, Jason would pick up schemes everywhere he went.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It all counts.

spk_0 It all counts, brother.

spk_0 File that away.

spk_0 I should also point out just in case it kind of is accidentally noticed by anyone.

spk_0 I just want to own this that there is a mysterious yellow stain on the left sleeve that didn't come out in three washings.

spk_0 Don't know.

spk_0 It's a tad sulfury.

spk_0 Jason, what do you think?

spk_0 Look, Doc Brian's fried chicken was fried in some weird liquids.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Did a bird ever land on your shoulder from the animal actors?

spk_0 Oh, yes.

spk_0 Oh, that's right.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Well, that one time where I held out a $100 bill and then a hawk showed up and pooped on my arm.

spk_0 I pooped, pooped, mustered on your arm.

spk_0 He ate someone's hot dog.

spk_0 He ate a lot of people's hot dogs that day.

spk_0 Yeah, and it just mustered him up.

spk_0 Okay, well, it mustered him up.

spk_0 Okay, well, okay, back to the script.

spk_0 Now I look the part.

spk_0 So, are you guys ready to take this journey with me?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0

spk_0 Are you ready to go back to 2006?

spk_0 Every goddamn day.

spk_0 For many, many reasons beyond this fucking tram show.

spk_0 And most of all, are you ready to commit intellectual property theft against NBC Universal?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's the biggest one of all.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Oh, yes, yes.

spk_0 I was just going to say, each shit universal.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 No, that's need to say it.

spk_0 No, no, no, that had to be wedged in.

spk_0 It's important to say.

spk_0 That's how I, you know, they fired me via a form letter.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Which is why I still have this shirt.

spk_0 The shirt doesn't get returned if you fire somebody via a letter.

spk_0 It's too bad.

spk_0 But I'm so glad we have it now.

spk_0 And now we're able to get this thing started properly the way that we all liked to get things started back in 2006.

spk_0 I'm pointing here.

spk_0 I'm pointing at Scott.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 The mic point.

spk_0 We have a mic point.

spk_0 That means it is a song that's not surprising to hear anywhere.

spk_0 Oh, my God.

spk_0 Try it when you're out at a target later.

spk_0 Nope.

spk_0 Well, it feels good.

spk_0 Nelly for Dotto.

spk_0 Oh, shape of you.

spk_0 Look for the second time today.

spk_0 Hey there forever dog listeners.

spk_0 This is Tom Sharpling, the host of the Best Show.

spk_0 And if you're looking for something fun to do this October and you live in New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles or Chicago.

spk_0 Boy, I've got good news for you.

spk_0 That's because the Best Show is going on tour to celebrate our 25th anniversary.

spk_0 And we are coming to your town.

spk_0 That's right.

spk_0 We're planning a live show for the ages featuring friends and characters from the last 25 years of the Best Show.

spk_0 Plus plenty of murph music in Mayhem.

spk_0 Trust me.

spk_0 You don't want to miss this.

spk_0 We've got special guests.

spk_0 John Worcester is going to be there.

spk_0 So much cool stuff is happening.

spk_0 You do not want to miss these shows.

spk_0 You can find ticket dates and links on our website at thebestshow.net.

spk_0 That's thebestshow.net.

spk_0 Thank you so much and I'll see you there.

spk_0 Hey ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the world famous Universal Studios tour.

spk_0 How are we doing today?

spk_0 Hang on a second.

spk_0 I just played you guys some black-eyed peas.

spk_0 I think we could do a little bit better than that.

spk_0 How are we doing today?

spk_0 All right, that's what I like to hear.

spk_0 Welcome aboard.

spk_0 My name is Scott.

spk_0 I'm going to be your guide today as we lift the veil of secrecy on some of Hollywood's hottest filming locations.

spk_0 Isn't that right?

spk_0 Billy Bush and Nancy Odell.

spk_0 Let's turn here.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 You're about to go behind the scenes of the biggest and busiest movie.

spk_0 The movie studio in the world.

spk_0 But before you head off on your Hollywood adventure, let's bring up to speed on what's been filming on the Universal Lot as of late.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Nailed it.

spk_0 No rehearsal.

spk_0 Nailed it.

spk_0 And cut.

spk_0 That was wonderful.

spk_0 I do well.

spk_0 We're looking at this guy's smug smile.

spk_0 I do want to say one thing with this.

spk_0 He probably filmed this in May 2006.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Oh, take us back.

spk_0 I got curious about timeline.

spk_0 A certain tape.

spk_0 Let's call it the G-E-B-T-P tape.

spk_0 Was in the can.

spk_0 As you look at this smile, he knows what he did.

spk_0 Eight months ago.

spk_0 And what he doesn't know is that it's going to have an incredible re-release someday.

spk_0 Like when an old Orson Wells movie is uncovered.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 A lot of people call that Billy Bush's Inherit the Wind for sure.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Well, thanks, Billy and Nancy.

spk_0 And you're right.

spk_0 There is a ton happening on the lot today.

spk_0 Today, of course, being July 23rd, 2006.

spk_0 We're filming a little movie called You Me Into Prey, starring Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson, and Matt Dillon.

spk_0 Not sure which is which.

spk_0 We'll find out when the movie comes out.

spk_0 Which one's me?

spk_0 Many.

spk_0 You think I know I'm me, but.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And many of your favorite TV shows are filming on the lot.

spk_0 Literally today, Crossing Jordan is filming today, folks.

spk_0 Oh, my God.

spk_0 Ghost Whisperer is filming today.

spk_0 It's a double mic point.

spk_0 That's right.

spk_0 You are going to visit the town of Grandview today.

spk_0 Get excited.

spk_0 Get very excited.

spk_0 And I don't want to get too solemn here, but I just want to give an artist his due.

spk_0 Today on the lot, Comedy Craftsman Eddie Murphy is currently cooking up his latest master work, Norbit.

spk_0 Yeah, I know.

spk_0 It's a mysterious title.

spk_0 We don't know much about this project yet.

spk_0 It's totally top secret, but an early copy has been leaked to Beach Boys founder Brian Wilson.

spk_0 And according to his reports, this could be the greatest film ever made.

spk_0 So that's the kind of thing we're dealing with on the lot today.

spk_0 How exciting is that?

spk_0 Amazing, amazing.

spk_0 So, yeah, we're excited.

spk_0 We're going to take you into the studio in a second, but before the fun begins, let's go over a few quick safety instructions, shall we?

spk_0 Rule number one.

spk_0 If you're having emergency of any kind, reach up and pull the red cord above your heads and I'll be happy to assist you.

spk_0 It's...

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 That's right, Frank.

spk_0 It's time.

spk_0 Please remain seated during the tour, keeping your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times.

spk_0 Oh, my God.

spk_0 No, Frank.

spk_0 It's time.

spk_0 That is not good.

spk_0 There is no smoking allowed while on board the tram.

spk_0 And rule number four.

spk_0 Be prepared for just about anything, including loud noises, fire effects, sudden tram movements, and the possibility of getting wet.

spk_0 And those my friends are, the safety instructions for today.

spk_0 But don't worry, you will only get wet if you are sitting in one of the reddish brown seats.

spk_0 So, otherwise, should be fine, should stay totally dry.

spk_0 This, Frank and Stein, he's smoking cigar?

spk_0 That's a, yeah, well, a phrase popped into my head, a phrase that's been attributed to our pal over here.

spk_0 It almost looks a little bit like a big old blunt.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 Jason, did you notice?

spk_0 Didn't it look?

spk_0 He was holding it like this.

spk_0 It looked like you were smoking a big old Stogie.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0

spk_0 I...

spk_0 You have several smoking terms that are associated with you.

spk_0 Because he's holding it like this, which I guess is how you would hold a Stogie.

spk_0 But also, like, isn't Frank Stein technically a baby?

spk_0 That's why he holds it so awkwardly.

spk_0 He would, he would learn.

spk_0 Right, he's holding it like a bottle.

spk_0 Well, it's kind of, it's kind of cute, if you think about it that way.

spk_0 I'm trying to see if I have the ability to pull up the freeze frame, but I don't.

spk_0 And I don't want to fuck up the entire presentation.

spk_0 Don't do that.

spk_0 Okay, so folks, the time has come.

spk_0 We are leaving the theme park behind to take you inside the heart of the studio

spk_0 where some of Hollywood's biggest names come to work every day.

spk_0 And it doesn't get much bigger than the Oscar and Emmy award-winning star

spk_0 of ghost, sister act,

spk_0 bogus, and theodore Rex.

spk_0 Here to tell you how our studio came to be

spk_0 and under a lot of pressure to do a voice that does not have any sort of vocal affect

spk_0 of any kind.

spk_0 Currently, currently being put in a box of my design is Hollywood's

spk_0 todaylister, whoopie Goldberg.

spk_0 Hello, everyone.

spk_0 Welcome to the Universal Studio Tour.

spk_0 So how do I look?

spk_0 Hey, if other studios can have a lion or a mouse or something,

spk_0 what is wrong with an Oscar-winning whoopie?

spk_0 You're on your way to the biggest and busiest fantasy factor in the world.

spk_0 But first, let me give you the setup for our story.

spk_0 Or as we, in Hollywood, love to call it, the backstory.

spk_0 And I really should have provided you some Tinkley-ding-dink-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

spk_0 It's all right, just a few more paragraphs.

spk_0 Um...

spk_0 Universal got its start in 1912 when visionary Karl Lemley...

spk_0 You see why I gave you this part?

spk_0 Brought it.

spk_0 It's a family cup in the West and open universal pictures on March 15th, 19.

spk_0 Oh my God.

spk_0 Dynasty typewriter knows what to do.

spk_0 We got some tinkly cheese.

spk_0 Thanks.

spk_0 Thank you so much.

spk_0 On March 15th, 1915, Mr. Lemley invited the public to visit his studio and the Universal

spk_0 studio tour was born.

spk_0 You see, Mr. Lemley believed that movies should make people laugh or cry or sit on the

spk_0 edge of their seats.

spk_0 And for the last 85 years, Universal has been doing just that.

spk_0 I'll be back to check up on you guys later on.

spk_0 In the meantime, I'm going to turn things over to your guide.

spk_0 Have a great time, everybody.

spk_0 Yay!

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 So hard getting through that without tearing up.

spk_0 Well, he was...

spk_0 I mean, I know whoopee.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Jesus star.

spk_0 She's an award winner.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Oscar and Emmy Winningstar.

spk_0 Jason got to say one of his favorite names.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Jason was floating the idea of a theory of calling certain people guys and certain people

spk_0 names.

spk_0 And I'm not sure where he's fallen on that.

spk_0 Well, I'm still doing some soul searching.

spk_0 Because the response was significantly more controversial than I could have predicted.

spk_0 Are you mean us?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 That's like every episode.

spk_0 Please, please briefly describe every podcast there.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm going to say something normal and then 15 minutes of deconstruction.

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 I should have said in the safety instructions.

spk_0 And rule number five, no mentioning of Madame or Cantuna.

spk_0 Moving on.

spk_0 I was there.

spk_0 Oh, there's some booze.

spk_0 Booze for tuna.

spk_0 Booze for me.

spk_0 Booze for Scott, right.

spk_0 We'll sort out the bill.

spk_0 We'll get people to write down what it was.

spk_0 We'll organize it later.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Hey, thanks, whoopee.

spk_0 We are now often running.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 There we go.

spk_0 Shinler's list.

spk_0 Shinler.

spk_0 We are heading down the hill into the studio looking at posters.

spk_0 Some of our most beloved Universal Classics, many of which were shot right here in the area

spk_0 we're about to enter.

spk_0 It's called the front lot.

spk_0 Folks, this is where the magic happens.

spk_0 In these giant buildings, which we call sound stages, vocabulary word, file out a way for later, inside which we can create any environment, the story demands.

spk_0 And here's a great example right in front of us.

spk_0 You are looking at sound stage 12.

spk_0 This is one of the biggest sound stages in the world.

spk_0 Many of the most memorable lines in movie history were filmed in this very building.

spk_0 I'm talking about Dr. Frankenstein's It's Alive Scarface.

spk_0 Say hello to my little friend.

spk_0 And, and this is totally true.

spk_0 Devon Sawa saying, can I keep you to Christina Ricci in Casper?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 That word, I feel like that movie moment lives in Jason Sheridan's head.

spk_0 I feel like he wakes up to this every morning.

spk_0 Because he brings it up a lot.

spk_0 Yeah, I may have gotten a shiver up my spine when you recount it just now.

spk_0 I heard shivers from a lot of the audience members.

spk_0 That's why I brought it up.

spk_0 I mean, yes, I, what I wanted to, I couldn't have said this on the tour, but I'll say it now.

spk_0 That's right.

spk_0 But the sexual awakening of every single woman my age was shot right there in sound stage 12.

spk_0 I feel like you're not giving animated Fox Robinhood.

spk_0 It's due.

spk_0 Well, it just, you know, it wasn't filmed here on the Universal Road.

spk_0 That's my fault.

spk_0 But three Russell Crow movies in a row were.

spk_0 I forgot about those signs.

spk_0 We call this Russell Road.

spk_0 And another one, the Riddler's Lair in Batman Forever was filmed in that sound stage.

spk_0

spk_0 That means you know who was in that building.

spk_0 You know who was in there.

spk_0 Dr. Chase Meridian.

spk_0 She was there.

spk_0 Look, she's tied up, I think, in like a chain, unless that's like part of her wardrobe.

spk_0 But it might be a light chain that the Riddler tied her up in.

spk_0 The chain is good though, because while I was attracted to her, it means she can't come over and touch me.

spk_0 Because that would be too much for me at the time.

spk_0 Too intense.

spk_0 It's like knowing that there's an invisible trough that protects the lions from jumping at you on the zoo tour.

spk_0

spk_0 Look on his slap, he got that trough.

spk_0 Nicky phrase.

spk_0 All right, well, stage 20, stage 12, the home of formative horniness.

spk_0 And now from aroused bodies to dead ones, it's stage 24, which is currently the home of CSI,

spk_0 starring William Peterson and Mark Helgenberger.

spk_0 This might interest some people on the stage.

spk_0 This was also the filming location of the 1949 film Mawn Pock Hettle.

spk_0 Shockingly, I have not seen Mawn Pock Hettle, but I'll head to the Toobie search bar when I get home.

spk_0 Oh, Jason's dream dream.

spk_0 Dream dream.

spk_0 You haven't seen it, it's just the nickname you use for you and your wife.

spk_0 And you know, the hits just keep on coming.

spk_0 So many historic sound stages.

spk_0 And just here, stage 27.

spk_0 Now the doors are open, elephant doors, you come, because they're very big.

spk_0 And if you take a look inside, you may notice pieces of a giant arc.

spk_0 That is because we're currently shooting the movie, Evan Almighty, starring Steve Carell.

spk_0 Oh, hell yeah.

spk_0 Hell yeah.

spk_0 Oh, some fans of the...

spk_0 Where are the if heads at?

spk_0 Are the if heads here?

spk_0 Hey, did you remember to invite stars Steve Carell and director Tom Shadyak?

spk_0 Are they in the crowd today?

spk_0 I guess the invitation slipped by my...

spk_0 I didn't realize it was a full retrospect.

spk_0 Oh yeah, search.

spk_0 Whoa.

spk_0 There is a search light scanning Tom.

spk_0 Tom?

spk_0 Shadyak, Tom.

spk_0 Okay, great.

spk_0 I asked for one fucking thing for the show.

spk_0 Now who's gonna sign my HD DVD?

spk_0 DVD combo desk.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Wow, wow.

spk_0 Wait, HD does HD DVD?

spk_0 Yeah, it's one desk and HD DVD is side A and DVD is side B.

spk_0 Is HD DVD defunct?

spk_0 Yeah, it is.

spk_0 Thank you very much.

spk_0 So you bet on the wrong horse.

spk_0 And someone bet on the wrong horse.

spk_0 Oh, blue A1, because it's what Sony wanted.

spk_0 I don't even want this desk anymore.

spk_0 Here.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 That was...

spk_0 You kind of gave them a heads up before...

spk_0 Throwing the blunt objects in their direction.

spk_0 This is...

spk_0 It's pretty thin and light.

spk_0 Another appeal of HD DVDs.

spk_0 There was a good chance that that case opened and a desk just went flying into someone's eye.

spk_0 Well, yeah.

spk_0 Well, then two people got freebies today.

spk_0 One person got the desk and one person got the box.

spk_0 And one of those people got a trip to the hospital too.

spk_0 All right, all right.

spk_0 We got to use some caution.

spk_0 I give safety rules to the audience.

spk_0 We should give them to ourselves, my God.

spk_0 Jason, are you going to whip anything else at the audience tonight?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I'm not.

spk_0 I already threw my $7 eBay purchase at the crowd.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 It arrived by the skin of its teeth.

spk_0 Yesterday afternoon.

spk_0 Don't you know you have a bit to be part of?

spk_0 I had an alternate...

spk_0 I had an alternate bit planned where I talk about a desk that didn't arrive at time.

spk_0 I had an alternate bit where I throw a handful of thumbtacks into the crowd.

spk_0 Hey, who here came from the furthest way to be here today?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 From my office.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Well, you know, I know it's been exciting to see where some of your favorites HD DVDs were made.

spk_0 Including this one that did not make its budget back at the box office.

spk_0 Peter Travers of Rolling Stone gave it one out of four stars.

spk_0 And he liked everything.

spk_0 This is what's great though, the innocent time that we're in.

spk_0 We don't know that Emma Almighty is bad.

spk_0 We don't know who's going to win the format awards.

spk_0 We don't.

spk_0 We're just happy to see Lauren Graham getting work outside of Gilmore Girls.

spk_0 It's not like they're going to bring that back at least once down the road.

spk_0 Congrats, Lauren.

spk_0 But so, you know, we are...

spk_0 I know it's exciting to see some of these sand stages, but we got something just as exciting coming up.

spk_0 Bungalos.

spk_0 There they are.

spk_0 The production chairs were in the bungalow part.

spk_0 These are the service production offices for producers who have deals with the studio.

spk_0 One of them is not there, I guess.

spk_0 I see maybe Fred Savage's parking space.

spk_0 Possibly.

spk_0 Here's the thing.

spk_0 I always consider this part of the tour to be a tad dry while doing a day to day.

spk_0 But this isn't quite the tour.

spk_0 We're inventing something out of a whole cloth here.

spk_0 There's nothing forcing us to do the tour as is.

spk_0 We can kind of do whatever we want, right?

spk_0 So, with that in mind, from the bungalows, we're actually going to head over to the jungle cruise.

spk_0 All right, as you can see, we've arrived in the elephant bathing pool.

spk_0 Feel free to take as many photos as you like.

spk_0 They do have their trunks on.

spk_0 And coming up, it's the eighth wonder of the world.

spk_0 The backside of water.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm too big.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Wow, an organic chant for the jungle cruise.

spk_0 Very cool.

spk_0 Wait, what was the chant?

spk_0 O2H.

spk_0 The backside of water.

spk_0 Oh, the reverse of H2O.

spk_0 Wait, is that something they say?

spk_0 Whoa, I don't know that joke somehow.

spk_0 Is that everybody knows that?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Hmm.

spk_0 Huh.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I have just proven that my qualifications are not good to be hosting the theme park podcast.

spk_0 Well, they did do the eternal sunshine process to you and they started the tour.

spk_0 They didn't want you referencing any of the others.

spk_0 Yes, yes.

spk_0 I had no awareness of any other places where you can buy tickets to have fun.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Yes, folks, here in Hollywood, we could take you anywhere from the deepest jungles of Anaheim

spk_0 to the streets of New York City.

spk_0 Hey, what's up, man?

spk_0 What's that?

spk_0 I was going to shape down the H2Mipore.

spk_0 Oh, hey, thanks.

spk_0 Yeah, that's a good idea.

spk_0 Yeah, folks, we're engaging in a little bit of a technical process going on.

spk_0 Like a wire has been coming in and out here.

spk_0 Is this Jason have any more thoughts on Evan Almighty?

spk_0 Did you know John Goodman's in the movie?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 And John Michael Higgins from Valley.

spk_0 He did have more.

spk_0 From what?

spk_0 Yeah, then one that spikes.

spk_0 There's a lot of cast members.

spk_0 A most major motion picture.

spk_0 Wait a minute.

spk_0 Did you just say John Michael Higgins from Fallen?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No, that's Steve Higgins.

spk_0 Oh, oh.

spk_0 Here in Hollywood, like we like to call that a blooper.

spk_0 Blooper, yes indeed, which we're sort of experiencing now.

spk_0 I don't know if you know this fun fact bloopers were actually in fact,

spk_0 we call it that because if an old character actor named George Bloop,

spk_0 he was from the silent film era.

spk_0 And sometimes he would forget to say his lines because he didn't realize that he had them.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 And go home and tell everybody that 100% true facts.

spk_0 Are we good to go?

spk_0 Good to go.

spk_0 Hey, thank you for stopping the show here and letting us know that.

spk_0 Appreciate it.

spk_0 And for the spotlight and the Tinkley piano, the magic of Hollywood is alive here.

spk_0 It's Steve typewriter.

spk_0 Okay, so I was saying here in Hollywood, we could take you anywhere from the deepest jungles of Anaheim

spk_0 to the streets of New York City.

spk_0 Welcome to the back lot.

spk_0 We've made it.

spk_0 This is where we shoot the big stuff, exterior scenes on an extremely large scale.

spk_0 Now these buildings you see here, what we call facades.

spk_0 That's a French word meaning false front.

spk_0 They're just the fronts and sides of buildings.

spk_0 We only build what the camera will see and your imagination fills in the rest.

spk_0 Now these look like real buildings, but what looks like brick or stone is actually foam rubber and fiberglass.

spk_0 That's what all these buildings are made out of, which means that if any of these buildings got even barely hot,

spk_0 they would immediately explode.

spk_0 You know, the nastiest goddamn fire you've ever seen in your life.

spk_0 Hopefully not a problem anytime soon, specifically two years from now.

spk_0 Okay, but you know, we're arriving at something really cool.

spk_0 So get your shitty 2006 cameras ready because you're about to see one of the most famous sets of all time.

spk_0 This great set will have you saying great Scott.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 That's right folks, your eyes do not deceive you.

spk_0 It's the town of Grandview from Ghost Whisperer starring Jennifer Love.

spk_0 You it.

spk_0 We made it. We're in Grandview guys.

spk_0 This very spot. Imagine Jennifer Love.

spk_0 You it is here day after day.

spk_0 I'm imagining.

spk_0 Mike's checking out. He's going to his phone.

spk_0 I have a bunch of facts about Ghost Whisperer.

spk_0 I don't need to read them, but you know, it's just we're talking about molding those antique shop.

spk_0 Well, of course, no, no, Melinda Gordon, who communicates in the garden, the star, the main character of Ghost Whisperer.

spk_0 Yes, indeed.

spk_0 Yeah, and she of course gets the help of Delia Banks played by Cameron Mannheim and professor Eli James played by Jamie Kennedy.

spk_0 Now, yeah, there you go. Everybody loves Eli.

spk_0 Now, I know it's difficult to imagine a bigger star than Jamie Kennedy.

spk_0 But we're about to find out just how big stars can get.

spk_0 Because we're heading inside an actual sound stage and it's not just any sound stage.

spk_0 In here, you might just encounter the biggest star in all of Hollywood.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Late Word just in.

spk_0 The path of destruction continues east causing thousands to flee their homes.

spk_0 Police admit that they are powerless to stop the enraged beast.

spk_0 Military units are rushing to the scene.

spk_0 The beast was last sighted near the 200 block of old Fulton Avenue.

spk_0 We now go to live coverage on the scene with our helicopter reporter Kelly King.

spk_0 Kelly King, she's good.

spk_0 She's about the record of a crushed L-train.

spk_0 The helicopter beside us is searching for weight.

spk_0 There's a trainload of people down there.

spk_0 I think she's talking about us, guys.

spk_0 What are we supposed to do? Where do we go?

spk_0 Jason Wippa, DVD.

spk_0 Break it, Shadow, get it ready.

spk_0 I've only got five work hobbies to have in all my name.

spk_0 Oh no, Kelly King.

spk_0 Kelly King's helicopter is crushed.

spk_0 Four-time local Emmy nominee Kelly King is no longer with us.

spk_0 I've got a bad feeling about this, folks.

spk_0 I think I know who's just around the corner.

spk_0 Oh no, it's King Kong.

spk_0 No!

spk_0 Kong!

spk_0 Stop this, Kong!

spk_0 Stop this and what?

spk_0 We are not your captors, Kong!

spk_0 We have nothing to do with this.

spk_0 Don't flash those red eyes at us.

spk_0 Please, please, sir.

spk_0 I'm 20 years old.

spk_0 I've lived a good and full life.

spk_0 But think of the children on board.

spk_0 They have done nothing to cause your situation.

spk_0 Kong!

spk_0 Kong down, Kong!

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 That's why Universal Studios has those talent showcases for tour guides.

spk_0 After numbers like that.

spk_0 Did you ever see someone else's tour?

spk_0 Did you ever see anyone who could compete with your performance?

spk_0 Of the Kong.

spk_0 Did you ever see Witness it?

spk_0 Are you gonna be cocky?

spk_0 Hell fucking no.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 But I said it didn't spend a lot of my free time doing other people's tours.

spk_0 Yeah, I guess that's probably why you're able to see it.

spk_0 David Loved it.

spk_0 Good job.

spk_0 David Loved your hair.

spk_0 Did the show.

spk_0 Thanks for being here, David.

spk_0 That was a solid King Kong.

spk_0 I lied when I said hell fucking no.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Hey, folks, how about that banana breath?

spk_0 Do we catch a whiff of that?

spk_0 Pretty crazy.

spk_0 Hey, that incredible animatronic can perform 30 different movements.

spk_0 But thankfully, one of those is not throwing his own poop.

spk_0 It'd be huge.

spk_0 We'd suffocate.

spk_0 So, I mean,

spk_0 I would be like a something that frightfest that six flags would do.

spk_0 Be a big monkey that throws a big pile of shit.

spk_0 There's no sewer of souls this year though.

spk_0 It frightfest.

spk_0 Yeah, it's done.

spk_0 So, yeah, they use real shit too.

spk_0 What's this?

spk_0 It smells and feels so accurate.

spk_0 Oops.

spk_0 Okay, so how do we possibly get more exciting than a giant animatronic ape?

spk_0 Well, perhaps with two of the sweetest words in the entire English language.

spk_0 I'm talking about picture cars.

spk_0 We're gonna see some picture cars.

spk_0 Look at that.

spk_0 There's a bike from something.

spk_0 I do a drawn on car from animal houses.

spk_0 Something old-timey and magnum.

spk_0 A picture car is any car in a set that's seen by the camera.

spk_0 And some of these cars have become as famous as the stars who've driven them.

spk_0 Now, over the years, picture cars have grown bigger, batter, and,

spk_0 I don't know why that one's missing.

spk_0 The picture cars have grown bigger, batter, and faster.

spk_0 There's one from land of the lost.

spk_0 Oh, sorry.

spk_0 Keep getting distracted.

spk_0 You got to have an age.

spk_0 Get treat yourself to an HD DVD of that.

spk_0 Land of the lost.

spk_0 See those sea sleigh stacks and okay quality.

spk_0 It sure did.

spk_0 It seemed like a lot of those cars were from the lost-world Jurassic Park.

spk_0 Yeah, sure.

spk_0 Yeah, you get them from well.

spk_0 When a lot of missing, you got to use the ones that you have.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Okay, so over the years, picture cars have grown bigger, batter, and faster.

spk_0 As movie audiences embrace their need for speed.

spk_0 Everyone, I want you to get your hopes up as high.

spk_0 High, high, high.

spk_0 As they could possibly be for the demonstration that you are about to see.

spk_0 We are the best.

spk_0 Let's see the bullet hits.

spk_0 And go.

spk_0 Go.

spk_0 I don't care about this part.

spk_0 We all agree this isn't a big hit.

spk_0 Okay, we're clear.

spk_0 What a hit.

spk_0

spk_0 Oh, he was impressed.

spk_0 This one's for real, guys, so walk out.

spk_0 And action.

spk_0 Whoa, look at him not go.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 All the same things are happening that just happened.

spk_0 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

spk_0 And cut.

spk_0 Say hello to Carnage and Karma, everybody.

spk_0 Take a bow, boys.

spk_0 Say, guys, you got any other moves?

spk_0 Hey, y'all, hey, who's done it?

spk_0 Hey, y'all, hey, you.

spk_0 I'm a cop, I'm so happy.

spk_0 Supply, I heard it.

spk_0 Supply, blood, so supply, I can't even handle it.

spk_0 Supply, blood, so supply, blood, so supply.

spk_0 Let's move like that.

spk_0 Magnificent.

spk_0 Oh, my god.

spk_0 They kissed.

spk_0 Did you see that?

spk_0 They just kissed.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 They threw on the disco ball too.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 Oh, make get this.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0

spk_0 Give it up for Carnage and Karma, everybody.

spk_0 You know what?

spk_0 If that standing ovation for Carnage and Karma, give it up for Carnage and Karma.

spk_0 Carnage and Karma.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Carnage and Karma.

spk_0 Carma.

spk_0 Carma and Carma.

spk_0

spk_0 Finally.

spk_0 This is a room that gets in.

spk_0 If I met the devil,

spk_0 and he offered me a bargain,

spk_0 that I, any set of good bring back Carnage and Karma,

spk_0 but we had to get rid of the jungle cruise.

spk_0 See you later, jungle cruise.

spk_0 How could the people who were just chanting O2H then agree with that statement?

spk_0 I'm.

spk_0 People get date multitudes.

spk_0 They understand.

spk_0 You know, when we, when we did that episode,

spk_0 and I said, is there a deeper joke here?

spk_0 And one of you say, well, they both car in the name.

spk_0 And I silently went, I didn't think about that.

spk_0 I thought there was a commentary on Hollywood and violence and exposed.

spk_0 And then I was trying to crack that code.

spk_0 And then what he was like, well, they both car in the name.

spk_0 And I'm like, oh, shit.

spk_0 I see.

spk_0 So if you commit carnage, then you may ultimately have to face.

spk_0 Carma is damaged.

spk_0

spk_0 Interesting, interesting.

spk_0 Uh, uh, uh, no.

spk_0 Some jokes or thinkers, including this one, I forgot to do it.

spk_0 Hey, uh, uh, hey, hey, take that dancing with the stars.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Sublime.

spk_0 Does the only way to put it?

spk_0 There is only one word for it.

spk_0 Well, with our friend, Halaria Baldwin, star, he had it now.

spk_0 It is supply.

spk_0 I did submit it, but how does she say the word sublime?

spk_0 Oh, don't say it.

spk_0 No, no, no.

spk_0 Don't do that.

spk_0 I can say, if you know, you know.

spk_0 Okay, wow, well, that experience just proves that Haliawood's technical wizards can bring even the most impossible dreams to life.

spk_0 Dreams we've all had, like putting cars on a pole.

spk_0 But here's a question.

spk_0 Are we in Haliawood capable of controlling the weather?

spk_0 Many leading Republicans believe the answer is yes.

spk_0 Would that be an immediate firing?

spk_0 Yeah, that's out there.

spk_0 From the Republicans in charge of the third.

spk_0 But let's see what an expert has to say.

spk_0 Here now is everyone's favorite weatherman and everyone's second favorite host of the today's show.

spk_0 Obviously behind Matt Lauer.

spk_0 It is 2006.

spk_0 Please don't grow.

spk_0 Don't grow.

spk_0 Remember, that would just might be a fact that, okay, give it up for Al Roker.

spk_0 Hi, everybody.

spk_0 Here's today's forecast for the Universal Back lot.

spk_0 It's going to be sunny and dry in six points, Texas.

spk_0 Cool and cloudy in little Europe.

spk_0 Expect snow and sleet on New York Street.

spk_0 And we've got a high chance of fog and precipitation for Skull Island, Amity Island and Island Nubla.

spk_0 That's your forecast for today.

spk_0 Now here's a look at what's going on in your neck of the lot.

spk_0 Oh, flesh flood warning.

spk_0 Oh, no.

spk_0 I don't like the sound of that.

spk_0 We don't get those in Los Angeles a lot.

spk_0 That's kind of what, well, you know what?

spk_0 Oh, geez, it did just start raining.

spk_0 But wait a minute.

spk_0 Look at that.

spk_0 The rain is coming from sprinklers up above our heads.

spk_0 It's just an illusion.

spk_0 As is, you know, I'll let you in on it.

spk_0 As is that lightning and thunder.

spk_0 Those are just lighting and sound effects.

spk_0 You know, when it's something we turned on to, you know, give you guys a little kick.

spk_0 Let's go ahead and shut it off.

spk_0 We don't want this thing to get out of control.

spk_0 Guys, shut it off.

spk_0 I said shut it off.

spk_0 Oh no.

spk_0 It's coming from us.

spk_0 He's up.

spk_0 He's right for you.

spk_0 He's a flesh flood.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 Jason throw a handful of water at them.

spk_0 I need that to be hydrated though.

spk_0 He's not going to waste two cents worth of water.

spk_0 I do maintain that the tours should get everyone in the tram soaking wet and make them sit in for 25 minutes.

spk_0 Only a few lucky guests have that experience.

spk_0 Well, listen, Alan, I just played a little trick on you.

spk_0 That was our famous flesh flood, which has been thrilling guests since 1968.

spk_0 And take a look at your screens because you may recognize the flesh flood that you just saw.

spk_0 In this clip from the movie Big Fat Liar.

spk_0 You can't ever run the Wolf Kid.

spk_0 Yeah, we'll see about that.

spk_0 I love you people so much.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 It's a good, rocky horror.

spk_0 Take a take a back, get in the back of the line sideways.

spk_0 Sorry, the old overs.

spk_0 The wolf is here.

spk_0 We all know what he deserves the award for.

spk_0 Well, from old Mexico to the old west, we're heading to the realm of John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart,

spk_0 Hoot Gibson, Audi Murphy, and other names.

spk_0 I definitely knew before I got this job.

spk_0 We're here in six points, Texas.

spk_0 You know, every major western star, Mosie down these streets at one time or another.

spk_0 And if some of these cowboys look to seem a little bit larger than life, there's a good reason why.

spk_0 Many of the doorways around here are built smaller than normal.

spk_0 So that when our cowboys stood in them, they would appear bigger and bronier than they actually were.

spk_0 Now, see, I knew this was going to happen at some point where I was going to say something that doesn't get a laugh

spk_0 because it's not funny.

spk_0 But something that I learned in our episode with Steve Slog, I learned to try to accept not getting a laugh, but instead getting a, hmm.

spk_0 We crave laughs.

spk_0 We're desperate for them sometimes.

spk_0 Sometimes it's nice to go, just get a little, hmm.

spk_0 Is there anything that one of you guys has to say that you think might provoke?

spk_0 Well, I just started following Alaria Baldwin on Instagram.

spk_0 And she has a branding of Alaria's world.

spk_0 So I will get sometimes a DM from Alaria's world.

spk_0 Hmm.

spk_0 What's in the DM?

spk_0 A reminder to watch Dancing with the Stars.

spk_0 Were any of these buildings built for like, I don't know, and just pulling it out of my ass?

spk_0 Like a 1994 Jeff Bridges movie?

spk_0 I think that is the case and that fact is immediately out of my head, whatever that was.

spk_0 Yeah, I don't remember the name of that.

spk_0 The old fact I remember.

spk_0 I'm going to say, hmm, to that else, hmm.

spk_0 And sometimes those are nice to get, too.

spk_0 Isn't it Jason?

spk_0 Isn't it nice to get, hmm.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Huh?

spk_0 Any sound.

spk_0 We like any sound, really.

spk_0 We like, uh, uh, uh, uh, six points Texas has been used in some, so many of my favorite movies,

spk_0 my little chickadee, Mr. Cogburn, and two mules for Sister Sarah.

spk_0 Only two?

spk_0 Movies that the Jason Sheridan character on podcast The Right has seen.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Not The Man.

spk_0 He's catching up.

spk_0 The man's catching up.

spk_0 Persona.

spk_0 Uh, you know, so those are all great uses of six points Texas, but you will not however see six points Texas in this sequence from the film Big Fat Liar.

spk_0 You can't ever run the Wolf King.

spk_0 Yeah, we'll see about that.

spk_0 I love it!

spk_0 I'm so glad we did this.

spk_0 It makes me so happy.

spk_0 You know, you know, in a way, all of us in Hollywood are Big Fat Liars, because we use the power of illusion to simulate that we're in different places.

spk_0 All over the world, which leads us to the next area, Little Europe.

spk_0 This area can be mocked up to portray any European country, uh, just by changing the signs and the flags and the windows.

spk_0 And here to tell you how we do it, we haven't seen her in a bit.

spk_0 It's Wuppie Goldberg.

spk_0 Oh, oh, Wuppie.

spk_0 Let me just get settled real quick.

spk_0 This one, this one maybe, uh, this might have a little bit of a safe direction.

spk_0 Okay, okay.

spk_0 Yeah, sure.

spk_0 Wuppie Goldberg speaks in a perfect French accent.

spk_0 Bonjour, me, a me.

spk_0 And welcome to Little Europe.

spk_0 Just sweet in France.

spk_0 What's really cool is this place can be made to look like any country we need.

spk_0 Just by changing the signs and a little set decoration, the signs change to Spain.

spk_0 Wuppie speaks in a perfect Spanish accent.

spk_0 Buenos dias.

spk_0 Don't they Estad la Biblioteca?

spk_0 It's an evergreen joke for a reason.

spk_0 See this places Versatile, the Merrill Street of locations.

spk_0 The signs change to Germany.

spk_0 Wuppie speaks in a perfect German accent.

spk_0 V gets?

spk_0 Now, what does a fraud line have to do around here to get some schnitzel A?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Have okay.

spk_0 In the last two years of you said to Jane, what is a fraud line have to do to get some schnitzel?

spk_0 It seems possible.

spk_0 It does seem possible.

spk_0 And no in you window, you just want a schnitzel.

spk_0 Check in, poor, as long as there's a slight dilemma in this quiz on it, I'm happy.

spk_0 That opinion, there was so nice and pure, there was nothing monstrous about it.

spk_0 But now we have to go to a world of monsters.

spk_0 It's called the Court of Miracles and it's where so many of our universal monsters got their start.

spk_0 Frankenstein, Dracula, other ones.

spk_0 This is another one of those things where like it's fine.

spk_0 You're kind of just looking at like a fountain.

spk_0 It's not that great.

spk_0 I think we could do something cooler and better.

spk_0 And that's why I'm going to turn things over to Mike who has prepared a little presentation.

spk_0 How do we do this to where we don't undo the tape?

spk_0 I think I just did it by touching it with my foot.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 I'm going to be very careful.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Great.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 So I'm going to crouch like this.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 In a very strange way.

spk_0 And just yell, pull the red cord if you can't see the picture anymore.

spk_0 It's just sometimes you read about stuff that film in the universal lot and you wonder why people don't bring it up more.

spk_0 So for that reason, I've concocted what my ideal tour might look like.

spk_0 It's called Michael Studio Tour.

spk_0 And I'm just going to give you a little brief.

spk_0 I mean, first of all, you're going to do some monsters bullshit, all right.

spk_0 Mockingbird Lane, but we're going to get out of the car, all right.

spk_0 And we're going to go inside.

spk_0 And we're going to get to see hopefully a 25-year-old playing Grandpa Monster.

spk_0 All of us now.

spk_0 We're going to do a lot more Ghost Whisper stuff.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And we're not going to, yeah, you know, obviously we know all the locations we know.

spk_0 Yeah, the theater.

spk_0 But we're not just going to do Ghost Whisper.

spk_0 We're going to also say, well, what else has Jennifer Levyw had done that involved the universal lot?

spk_0 Somebody will raise their hand.

spk_0 It'll be probably a plant.

spk_0 And they'll say, what?

spk_0 Does Jennifer Levyw would have any Saturn awards?

spk_0 And I'll say, yes.

spk_0 She does.

spk_0 She was at the universal Hilton in 2007.

spk_0 And she won Best Actress for Ghost Whisper.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 This is something no guy tells you currently.

spk_0 They're withholding information.

spk_0 We have no idea if what be Goldberg has a Saturn.

spk_0 We don't know.

spk_0 She right though.

spk_0 I think those are like the other a lot of things.

spk_0 The Saturn awards have been around for like 37 years.

spk_0 Hmm.

spk_0 Maybe longer.

spk_0 I don't know anything.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 So you're all probably wondering.

spk_0 And you're all probably wondering when you go on the actual tour.

spk_0 Has Jonathan Freak ever shot anything?

spk_0 I'm the universal lot.

spk_0 Star Trek Connect generations, Commander Riker, host of Beyond Belief Factor Fiction.

spk_0 The answer is yes.

spk_0 There was an episode of Star Trek Picard that utilized the log cabin near Falls Lake.

spk_0 Oh, the cabin.

spk_0 The greatest silver cabin.

spk_0

spk_0 Captain Picard goes to see Riker and Troy.

spk_0 He hasn't seen them a long time.

spk_0 And he goes and visits them at their log cabin.

spk_0 It's a very lovely reunion.

spk_0 There's Jonathan Freak swearing an apron of some kind.

spk_0 Now, this is wonderful.

spk_0 And this is an amazing piece of trivia.

spk_0 But did you know?

spk_0 And I don't know.

spk_0 Have we talked about this on the podcast?

spk_0 That Star Trek Picard dressed up.

spk_0 City Walk?

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 I don't even recognize it.

spk_0 Where am I?

spk_0 We're pulling the ribcola.

spk_0 Oh, we're pulling the...

spk_0 Oh, wow.

spk_0 Thank you, guys.

spk_0 I forgot about the...

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 This is clearly City Walk.

spk_0 Well, they can't see it right now.

spk_0 That's the problem.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So now they match the audience at home.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 I didn't touch it, I don't think.

spk_0 I think it was too exciting of an image for the...

spk_0 It overloaded the circuits of the computer.

spk_0 Oh, I think so.

spk_0 Seeing a sci-fi City Walk was too much.

spk_0 These after effects neon signs.

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 The system's just not made for that.

spk_0 They need the real City Walk neon signs.

spk_0 Oh!

spk_0 So, I just want everyone to take it in.

spk_0 That's... a woe is right.

spk_0 That's clearly the view where you're looking at tooth sums.

spk_0 You can see the escalator to City Food right there.

spk_0 They've covered up some of the signs that's with Quark.

spk_0 It says Quark there.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 The Thunderbirds premiere.

spk_0 Was Johnathan Fregg's direct there?

spk_0 Got it.

spk_0 Here he is at City Walk in front.

spk_0 He's with Vanessa Hudgens, who's apparently in that...

spk_0 Damn it.

spk_0 Somebody help us.

spk_0 Well, folks, just goes to show anything can happen when you're making Hollywood magic.

spk_0 You get it.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 I think...

spk_0 They can't see this 15-year-old boy wearing a t-shirt that just says, vote.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 You disagree with that.

spk_0 You're probably...

spk_0 You're probably wondering if...

spk_0 If any music history happened at Universal Studios, Scott, please play the next.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Let's see if it goes.

spk_0 See if it happens.

spk_0 Yeah, my girlfriend.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So, this is like 30-second slip.

spk_0 This was a first attempt at making the music video for going for 82-song Josie.

spk_0 It is not the official music video, but it was shot on the Universal Lab.

spk_0 They hated the way the video turned out, so they went back and reshot the whole thing.

spk_0 Apparently, Tom Donk cut himself on something that was in the water.

spk_0 So, the whole thing was exacerbated, and only a little bit of this is leaked out.

spk_0 But this is something that should definitely be shown on the tram tour.

spk_0 This is Music History.

spk_0 Blankwin 82's greatest album, Dud Ranch, needs to be represented on the tour,

spk_0 and I think Scott would agree.

spk_0 Poppunk history happened.

spk_0 You're lucky I'm busy.

spk_0 I can't respond to this.

spk_0 Oh, this is a perfect time to talk about tuna, Jason.

spk_0 No, no, no, no, no.

spk_0 No, no, no, no.

spk_0 I too don't, too don't.

spk_0 This has been such a wonderful video.

spk_0 Victoria's night for me and you're gonna ruin it all I

spk_0 Have heard you can't mess with the wolf, but you can't mess with tuna

spk_0 I've just got one more thing we said stage 24 you know a lot of classic film and TV shot there

spk_0 But the thing that really lit me up when I was looking into this was

spk_0 Lucille balls sitcom here's Lucy

spk_0 Yeah

spk_0 Season three onward was filmed on stage 24 they used to point out apparently Lucy's dressing room that was nearby that

spk_0 It used to be a thing they would say in the tour. I think they should bring it back

spk_0 The all the other thing they should mention is that here's Lucy was produced by Lucy's second husband Gary Martin

spk_0 This you're making me press this button press another button

spk_0 I love Gary and says Gary you barely have support on Gary Morton on the chant for Gary, but even these people have limits

spk_0 We we hit a lot today tuna blink-witty-to-gary Morton all Scott's favorites

spk_0 That's how much I love the universal tour none of it can bring me down

spk_0 I'm still beaming. I don't mind seeing Gary Morton's

spk_0 Smiling face a little piece of Hollywood history Mike. Thank you for giving us your version

spk_0 We should win smoother

spk_0 a lot more interesting in those monsters who cares boring

spk_0 And you know what you know, I'm glad you kind of loaded us up with all that stuff because we got a

spk_0 We have to change the course a little bit here coming up just the hill just up the hill

spk_0 There's a residential neighborhood set. It's called Elm Street and that is where Eddie Murphy is currently hard at work on

spk_0 Future Masterpiece Norbit

spk_0 So you know, we need mr. Murphy demands

spk_0 Focus, you know, yes to commit to this needs absolute peace and quiet and that's why we're gonna enter what we call a quiet zone

spk_0 Okay, so I'm gonna go off Mike

spk_0 I need you guys to do the same and I need everybody out there in the audience to stay completely silent until the quiet zone is through

spk_0 That means no talking no laughter no sound whatsoever

spk_0 Out of respect to Norbit so here we go quiet zone. I'll I'll let you know when it's over

spk_0 Please

spk_0 Please don't please please respect the process please

spk_0 Hi, this is future Scott at this point. We started playing clips of Rasputia from Norbit

spk_0 Jumping on and crushing the character Norbit still with a warning to stay perfectly quiet. That's what's happening

spk_0 Guys guys guys

spk_0 So what's that how could you please?

spk_0 What could you possibly find for you but this please stop please?

spk_0 Okay, folks the quiet zone is over. Okay. Thank you for bearing with that. Thank you

spk_0 Thanks thanks some of you for being respectful

spk_0 I guess some people you know, I thought you wanted to learn about Hollywood and then you're in Hollywood and you're not helping a production out

spk_0 So I'm a little disappointed, but you know what it's okay because in the next room

spk_0 You can make as much sound as you want. It's a sound stage all your all your noisles stay in there

spk_0 And the next place is called sound stage 50

spk_0 What you're about to see is an actual working set

spk_0 It's a recreation of a San Francisco subway station the cast and crew are on break right now

spk_0 That means we can head inside and this is a good opportunity to kind of look at some details

spk_0 Yeah, they're real sets have you know, you see some lights there you see

spk_0 craft service table about that they got they got all kinds of fruits there they get to

spk_0 apples and

spk_0 It's for snacks not meals. That's for snacks not meals. That's important to know meals are catering. Yeah

spk_0 It's important it's important to note you'll never find a plum on a universal set

spk_0 When for Carl Emily bought this land it was a it was a plum ranch and the owner

spk_0 Herman Plumfeld was very upset to be evicted he called it a hostile takeover

spk_0 I don't know those are his words

spk_0 Thank you. It's a calm down. It's just a little California tremor folks. We get them all the time nothing to worry about

spk_0 Oh, no, I guess I was wrong. I

spk_0 Don't know

spk_0 Oh, no, I'm like we're gonna struck

spk_0 My god the horrors

spk_0 Okay, I think the worst might be over. Oh, no title wave

spk_0 Oh

spk_0 Okay, oh few folks you made it

spk_0 Well as you smell that stinky stinky water

spk_0 Congrats are in order because you to survive an earthquake that's 8.3 on the Richter scale and Gradle ball wow

spk_0 And you know what folks keep your eyes peeled because you may notice a complete lack of an earthquake in this sequence from the film big fat

spk_0 You

spk_0 You can't run the wolf kid. Yeah, we'll see about that

spk_0 Oh boy, okay, okay

spk_0 You know what after all that craziness? I think we could really use a breather we could stand to relax a little bit

spk_0 And I've got the perfect place. We're heading for a calm little new England town called

spk_0 Ambini

spk_0 So now I'm not naive about Amity. I feel like you know

spk_0 You may have heard reports of sharks in this area, but as you can see we've captured the shark

spk_0 And we got a police diver in the water right now making sure that no future sharks are causing mischief. Oh

spk_0 George

spk_0 George look behind you

spk_0 The way the way you're looking will never reveal his shark. It's been around. Can you hear me George say something?

spk_0 Oh

spk_0 You did say something he is screaming you technically did as I asked, but I don't like it

spk_0 George he had guts and there they are

spk_0 Oh my god guy okay, don't worry. I'm gonna keep you safe. Okay. We're just gonna hide behind these highly flammable gas tanks

spk_0 I think I'll make everything all right. Oh no. He's pulling the dock. He's pulling the dock the gas elite is flying everywhere

spk_0 This is a horrible roof Goldberg-esque chain of events. This could not be worse. Oh my god watch out

spk_0 Folks here he comes

spk_0 Oh my god he did the worst thing a shark could do he jumped up slightly oh

spk_0 Folks how about that you just survived jaws you made it through jaws

spk_0 Okay, that was fine. Okay, but moving on from jaws just to keep going to some other some other stuff that we yes, sir

spk_0 Yeah, we're moving on we've got other stuff to do what what whoa whoa

spk_0 Sirs something

spk_0 Here the grab with right behind the typewriter sir

spk_0 Well, we'll turn it on for an angry John fan is stormed the city yes, yes, what?

spk_0 What's that there? I pretty much said all there. Hey, there is to say about John's you said all there is to say about John

spk_0 I am the biggest

spk_0 Jaws fan in the world

spk_0 Seemingly okay, my name is Pete

spk_0 Pete

spk_0 Zorizo

spk_0 And I love jaws that's my main thing and I for decades have been searching to the answer for one question

spk_0 And I thought I was gonna get it here and no one's giving me the answer

spk_0 Well, I might look I was the valid Victorian of my tour guide class

spk_0 I might have the answer sir if you would just come at me with a little bit of a calmer energy

spk_0 You're acting a little bit like John tapfer from far rescue, okay, and I don't appreciate that okay fair enough

spk_0 I just it's been it's been a rough life

spk_0 And I've I've increasingly started to wonder if perhaps there is no answer to this question if I've been on a fools

spk_0 Airhand well, what's just then tell me the question Pete?

spk_0 Did the mechanical shark work perfectly?

spk_0 During the principal photography of the 1975 movie Jaws

spk_0 I mean I know the answer, but I thought it was such deep obscure Hollywood lore that nobody would ever want to know that government secrets

spk_0 Even Trump won't release that file

spk_0 What's the answer what's the answer? I can tell you I can tell you I will I will tell you you know what I have a photo that kind of

spk_0 Indicates that this mechanical shark it had a lot of problems. It was really wonky

spk_0 It did not work perfectly on every take in the film. Okay, but most takes most takes it worked

spk_0 You know what the answers that you seek might be contained in the next scene that I was gonna have us do a little table read

spk_0 Oh

spk_0 Okay, I don't know how you are as far as performing an asking train classically classically

spk_0 Trino then we're good to go

spk_0 Julie are lucky that's very lucky

spk_0 Well, you know what the place where you found the microphone from you will also find some copy of a little scene

spk_0 Oh my god, this is a video that actually the true facts this video

spk_0 We heard was at one point pulled from the tram DVD and by popular demand all the tour guides stood up and said bring it back

spk_0 This clip must be played and let me just divvy up the parts here

spk_0 Jason you'll be playing the role of the greatest director of all time Steven Spielberg

spk_0 You're in the right hat for it

spk_0 Mike if you can get as get so intense as to become the great Roy Scheider

spk_0 And then Pete Zorizo

spk_0 Do you have an idiot maybe portray Richard Dreyfus feels like tight casting but sure

spk_0 Okay, so

spk_0 So this is a little scene that explains the technical difficulties that would occur on jaws

spk_0 That's a much maligned shark. It didn't work half the time. It didn't work hardly at all

spk_0 We just waited around we just waited and waited and waited

spk_0 Whenever you were on the island

spk_0 You could hear the radio mics. They were always saying the shark is not working

spk_0 Repeat the shark is not working

spk_0 It's really nice to hear the shark worked well enough that for a while there

spk_0 We had the biggest hit of all time so I really owe that shark a lot

spk_0 Wow there you have it. Wow. They have it a little stage reading well

spk_0 I hope you had fun. I hope that answer your question. I cannot tell you the full circle clarity

spk_0 This has brought me in my life. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much

spk_0 I really got any any any any any I feel I feel completely settled now

spk_0 I can go back to my seat knowing for a fact that the shark didn't work the shark that they gave no name during the filming

spk_0 But now now

spk_0 Yeah, you're gonna win a brace your set. Yeah, dude. Yeah, grabs your apple on something. Okay. Okay. Yeah

spk_0 Yeah, but they call it like it was a prop. They just said to the shark right well the shark actually did have a name

spk_0 They didn't just call it jaws or the shark was named Bruce what

spk_0 I'm here for the first time right now really I'm so happy to break that news to you

spk_0 Yeah, now you can rest

spk_0 Tell you how much this means to me. It is so nice to know they called the shark Bruce for no reason whatsoever

spk_0 A.P. What's way all on?

spk_0 This is this is gonna beat this is gonna blow your mind. It's gonna blow your mind

spk_0 There actually is a reason that the shark was called Bruce. Do you want to hear that reason? Yes, please. Yes

spk_0 I think everyone might this I think you might like this a little bit

spk_0 Bruce the vicious

spk_0 Man eating shark was named after Steven Spielbergs

spk_0 Steven Spielbergs

spk_0 I

spk_0 When

spk_0 Thank you for that sublime moment. Yeah, really sublime. His truly sublime. So you know beat there

spk_0 There's a pretty comprehensive exhibit a battle myler two down the road

spk_0 What if you want to head in that direct what about what about jaws?

spk_0 I know you think they would have had already for the summer, but they didn't

spk_0 You're you're the only fact that matters you know the you know the shark

spk_0 You know the shark's name you know why it was named that and you got to dance to gasoline

spk_0 Yeah, what more could you ask for truly sublime? Thank you gentlemen so much

spk_0 Pete Zarizzo ladies in gentlemen. Oh, yes, yeah, oh sure. Thank you

spk_0 I just I think thank you all for your indulgence in this I just quickly two corrections

spk_0 The young teenage boy wearing the vault t-shirt that you made fun of at the Thunderbirds premiere

spk_0 That's Academy Award nominated filmmaker Brady Corby of the brutalist

spk_0 Feels like a fact that you should know that is exactly of my alley also

spk_0 Neckas ultimate bride of Frankenstein monster figure comes with an alternate hand of him holding the Stogie like this you should know that

spk_0 I have that wow. I have that figure

spk_0 Pete Zarizzo ladies in gentlemen. Oh my god

spk_0 Wow

spk_0 What a fun little bonus presence in the show that was great

spk_0 I thought he could dance really well, but it's just too it's too bad that guy didn't know how to rock

spk_0 You could feel it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no just a very very bubble. Yeah

spk_0 Okay, well, you know, where do we go from here?

spk_0 Well, I got something really exciting folks. We're heading to Miss Mona's chicken ranch from the best little or a syntax is

spk_0 Now this is a practical set not a facade that means we can film on the inside and the

spk_0 And the outside this is another one of those things that I think is a little dry and I think we could do a little bit better than that

spk_0 We can that is why

spk_0 I am going to suggest that Jason Sheridan now takes us on a tour of where Shriver's saltwater Taffy is made

spk_0 Hey great

spk_0 Cool, let's see. Yeah, I actually bring this grip with me everywhere I go. I

spk_0 Hate small dog. Let's say

spk_0 1898 drivers in ocean city, New Jersey has made saltwater Taffy the old fashioned way

spk_0 These Taffy wizards mix up sugar corn salt and butter and a large copper kettle once cooked to remove the water

spk_0 A sick or easy sugary mixture is formed the mixture is moved to a cooling table

spk_0 Where eye popping colors and flavors are added next up the pulling machine

spk_0 No need to pull by hand

spk_0 This amazing device stretches and twists the Taffy for you

spk_0 Perhaps you're wondering where's the saltwater?

spk_0 Well fun fact saltwater Taffy contains no saltwater in

spk_0 1883 a different Taffy maker David Bradley had his Taffy supplies soaked by an ocean flood

spk_0 He jokingly called it saltwater Taffy and the name stuck

spk_0 Let's get back to the process the wrapping machine portions

spk_0 Out the sweet treats precisely wrapping

spk_0 4200 pieces of Taffy for a rat

spk_0 The end result an ocean city tradition and a smile on your face

spk_0 You should have

spk_0 As I say this you should have like a hype man with a big big boom box that's playing that song and

spk_0 And as I said it I realized I'm the guy yeah who should be holding the boom box

spk_0 You can yell out other

spk_0 Tradition of like a lot of molasses flavors

spk_0 Don't forget about nut rolls

spk_0 That's just like a glob a caramel with peanuts rolled on it. That's what they thought was fun before fun was invented

spk_0 Nowadays we just call it payday

spk_0 Another pearl of wisdom

spk_0 Yeah, what's up

spk_0 Oh no, yeah, we learned that's gotten your gangers. Yeah

spk_0 Hey man

spk_0 You've already done three quarters of the tour

spk_0 It's got it's got as a real affliction to dryness even the mention of a dry topic. Yeah, I don't know the gagging starts

spk_0 Was most of that in audible to most of you

spk_0 All right, we're figuring out the technical stuff. Okay. Look the premise is I got nervous. Okay

spk_0 When you were doing the Taffy stuff

spk_0 I just I remember that the tour does make me nervous

spk_0 And I don't know if I'm gonna go through with doing with stereo

spk_0 Okay, but I have somebody who's gonna fill in for me. Okay. I found somebody who I used to do the job with and he's gonna help us out. All right

spk_0 Okay, so I'm really sorry about this blue, but please give it up for my friend Dale. Oh

spk_0 Yeah

spk_0 Dale Dale Dale Dale Dale Dale Dale

spk_0 Well from the Cowboys of six point Texas to a real-life cowboy on the studio tour

spk_0 That's uh, geez. Oh, I wish in my dreams

spk_0 Only to match up to the macho energy

spk_0 displayed and many of the greatest films ever made. I could only wish to do so a folks. I'm Dale the names Dale

spk_0 I'm a many year veteran

spk_0 Well, I didn't get to see it. I'm a little curious

spk_0 Taffy making you say that's right and their long Taffy's not the short stubby blobs

spk_0 You find it many vacation destinations

spk_0 Another pearl of wisdom

spk_0 That's right

spk_0 Well, you know, I'm in good company because there's nothing I love more than pearls of wisdom sweet

spk_0 glistening pearls of wisdom. That's why I got the job on the tour so many years ago

spk_0 It's why you know, I'm kind of a veteran of the place. I'm a guy you trust

spk_0 I'm not a guy who's back there yacking it up his face face down in a toilet

spk_0 And you know what that's where it's a knock on Scott my coworker, but that's where his version of the tour belongs

spk_0 In the toilet

spk_0 Well, let's go. You know what disagreement is part of what makes this country great

spk_0 Dale get some dunksets save that for reddit brother

spk_0 careful

spk_0 You know, no, I'm here to I'm gonna take over for Scott and I'm gonna restore some dignity to this affair

spk_0 Much like six years ago when dignity was restored to this country by the great George W. Bush. Oh, no

spk_0 And uh and speaking of bush

spk_0 Well, no, hang on that's those were those were laughs that come from filthy minds

spk_0 I wasn't saying anything on djord. I was talking about literal bushes

spk_0 hedges

spk_0 neatly trimmed grass the kind of things you'd see in a suburban neighborhood because we're heading to a place

spk_0 best known as was stereo lane

spk_0 There it is for yeah, we're headed to was stereo lane. It's home to the desperate housewives

spk_0 Big hit show right now. It's a show enjoyed by so many, but less so me

spk_0 Because for years I've wondered what I did to make my ex housewife so very desperate

spk_0 Desperate for a man who was more emotionally available

spk_0 Desperate for the love of a fellow universal employee namely the guy in the suit playing fivals dad

spk_0 Ultimately, it was he who left me feeling like a mouse

spk_0 The street was also used on the hearty boys

spk_0 And uh, you know, you may also recognize was stereo lane is a different suburban slice of heaven a little place cold

spk_0 Nellyville

spk_0 There it is

spk_0 Yeah, get into it. Feel free

spk_0 matter what I do

spk_0 All I think about is you even when I'm with my food

spk_0 You know, I'm crazy over you

spk_0 What a romantic piece of work

spk_0 You know if only the whole world were as safe and idyllic as nellyville

spk_0 But unfortunately nelly can't protect us all

spk_0 Not any better that he could protect his own face from needing a bandaid

spk_0 That's right. There's tough customers out there people like the proprietor of this next establishment

spk_0 It's the baits motel and also the psycho house and up there above it

spk_0 Uh, oh, this is why the psycho house. I said a little blooper. I don't know if you know this bloopers are named after

spk_0 No, maybe you do

spk_0 Maybe you do hey, it's the psycho house anyone want to rest up for a minute maybe take a quick shower

spk_0 Hmm to be very clear that was a joke. I was

spk_0 I was not actually asking any of you to take a shower with me

spk_0 I will never do that at work again

spk_0 Not after what happened to me at lady foot locker

spk_0 Well from HR disasters to us air disasters. We're coming up on a spectacular plain crash set from

spk_0 War of the worlds

spk_0 We made it look like a plain crash on top of a suburban neighborhood but take it from me folks

spk_0 It doesn't always cause a doesn't always take a plain crash to cause a broken home

spk_0 Damn, I didn't realize I thought we might see it today. I didn't realize there'd be so much paythos

spk_0 Well, it's why you get me if you want to just a bunch of glib jokes and buffoonery you turn to some you know some

spk_0 Little pipsquick like Scott, but if you want to hear well, it really is in the world. You need a the wise and face of Dale

spk_0 Okay, I bet Dale. I bet you've never gagged in your life

spk_0 Never vrebs

spk_0 only

spk_0 Only only at the the scourge of liberalism that we see on the rise in this country makes me want a gag

spk_0 I hope it never fully gets to that point

spk_0 So you know folks it's been my hope that my jokes today would have you all in stitches

spk_0 But I would never want to see all of you in bandages

spk_0 If because you know why you want to know why

spk_0 There's it well if that happened to you then I'd be looking at an old crowd full of mummies

spk_0 You get it you see and you know what

spk_0 I know it's been a long show but no reason I can't take my time

spk_0 Just enjoy the spinning of this chair

spk_0 Dynasty type breeder just yell at me if I've broken a rule

spk_0 Uh, no, hey, we know what one of our most successful franchises here at universal happens to be you guessed it

spk_0 The mummy

spk_0 Did someone guessed it and and her to tell you a little bit more about that is Steven Summers the writer director of the mummy

spk_0 I'm Steven Summers the writer director of the mummy

spk_0 Great okay

spk_0 Thank you, Steven

spk_0 Okay, that was boy

spk_0 It's educational to hear from a real filmmaker wow they really learned straight from the horses mouth now coming up

spk_0 We got a set from the mummy. It's the tomb of a modep and

spk_0 You know after we after we built that we started her in reports of strange things happening around these parts

spk_0 And that's all that's all I need to hear strange things. I'm not going anywhere near there

spk_0 My co-workers agreed the drivers agreed and that's why the tomb of a modep is completely off limits

spk_0 So uh moving on we'll talk of way. Oh, whoa. Hey, we've gone the the wrong way out of a possible two

spk_0 Uh

spk_0 Wait a minute driver your go you're going the wrong way didn't you get the office memo?

spk_0 No, not the one about unwanted hugs

spk_0 You

spk_0 The one about avoiding the mummies too. Oh well. Well, I guess it's too late now

spk_0 I guess we're heading for certain doom as we drive into the mummies too

spk_0 Not loving it so far

spk_0 Oh

spk_0 Okay, wait a minute

spk_0 Hey the real lookie Goldberg she showed up. Hey you are here. Say if you ever want a Saturn award

spk_0 This is not good. Oh, it's not oh

spk_0 Oh, what a piece she's being devoured alive by this careful fetal

spk_0 My god too violent of a sight to show to these nice people. Oh boy. Oh boy. Hey look is everyone okay

spk_0 Why are you looking at me like that do I have something on my face

spk_0 And guess what folks there is something on my face a fake mustache what

spk_0 The hell can you believe it? I was scott the entire time

spk_0 wow

spk_0 I had you fooled wow. I had you both fooled you thought a barely looking

spk_0 And barely different sounding guy came in here, but it was me your pal wow the masculine energy though

spk_0 Where did you get it from?

spk_0 That's not that's not something I usually have oh

spk_0 Yeah

spk_0 Usually okay, but this was so much more

spk_0 Look, I wish I could grow a mustache. I try I can and that's why I wear them thick sometimes

spk_0 But I can't do that all the time because it smells bad

spk_0 So I portray characters like Dale the final and biggest Hollywood illusion of them all a human facade

spk_0 But and now I think we've proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that

spk_0 I don't know what Hollywood's full of illusions. I guess yeah, we did it

spk_0 We proved it and that means that we're about to say goodbye to the old tram tour

spk_0 Oh, yes, I know I wish I could live in this honestly

spk_0 But I but before we do that let's say goodbye to our old pal the Worcester

spk_0 I just love the happy ending and that's just what this is

spk_0 Think about it Carl Lemley had a dream to make audiences laugh

spk_0 Cryers it on the edge of their seats

spk_0 I'd sent him to be really familiar to me and you know what we haven't let him down in fact

spk_0 Mr. Lemley City of Entertainment

spk_0 Here as grown beyond spoiled his dreams

spk_0 Wow, that my friends is a happy ending right out of the movies

spk_0 So show and as we say in Hollywood that's a wrap

spk_0 Oh

spk_0 It's so beautiful

spk_0 Man oh man

spk_0 So nice to hear it does that do we lose it entirely maybe no no here we go okay well folks

spk_0 That'll do it

spk_0 I'm gonna be hanging out after the tour for a few minutes if you have comments questions phone numbers

spk_0 Thanks for the line Steve Slogger otherwise. It's been great. Hey if you liked the tour

spk_0 My name is Scott if you didn't like it my name is Griffin Newman

spk_0 Thanks everybody enjoy the rest of your day here in the entertainment capital of LA and we'll see you in the movies

spk_0 Thanks folks

spk_0 Lemley wait wait I got one more thing really quick one more thing really quick

spk_0 I just want to sit first of all like

spk_0 All jokes and japes aside

spk_0 It feels so special to get to do that in front of people like no kidding and all of you like

spk_0 Participating dynasty typewriter. Thank you for being so on the ball with the tech stuff and adding to the

spk_0 Everything musically lighting wise. I just want to tell you that that was

spk_0 Absolutely the second best time I ever had doing that material

spk_0 And I only say the second I say the second because the first best

spk_0 Has to and will always be a time where

spk_0 An acquaintance came to take my tour and I was really playing a her the entire time and

spk_0 And when it was over I got off the thing. I said what you think and she said I have such a crush on you right now

spk_0 and

spk_0 Aaron thanks pal you said fraud you said fraud line

spk_0 I

spk_0 Let us forever unperchancell together. Yeah, um there is the event almighty said I've crushed on you and the ark said

spk_0 Um, okay, but now official conclusion you have survived podcast the rides month of subtrambour

spk_0 I really appreciate everybody. It's really been a blast

spk_0 Thanks everyone to dynasty big time. Thank you my Carlson. Thank you. Thank you Jason. We'll be gold for a shared and

spk_0 Thank you pizza rizzo

spk_0 Thank you all for coming out. This is an absolute pleasure and once more because I can't help myself

spk_0 Until next time we'll see you in the movie big fat liar

spk_0 Executive produced by Mike Carlson Jason Sheridan Scott Gardner Brett Bomm

spk_0 Joe Silio and Alex Ramsey

spk_0 For more original podcasts, please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple podcasts

spk_0 Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts keep up with the latest forever dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram

spk_0 At foreverdog team and liking our page on Facebook

spk_0

spk_0 five

spk_0 two

spk_0

Scott Performs The 2006 Universal Tour Live!

Interactive Transcript

Topics Covered

Related Episodes

The Classics And The Jokes, The House Cars, Abandoning Tech And Customers | Episode 1,019

Dub Talk Retrospective 010: Seraph of the End

What Would David Stern Do

The Last EVER Episode of the Big Life Kids Podcast!

Share Episode