IT’S ME, THE SPINSTER DYKE? ft ALI KOLBERT

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Hey, everybody. Karin here just wanted to update you on two exciting shows that I am doing.

spk_0 First off, Tokyo, Japan. October 4th. It's a Saturday. I am performing at the Tokyo comedy bar.

spk_0 It is an all-English show that I will be performing on. I'm gonna be a couple other comics on it with me.

spk_0 Please get tickets to that. It's gonna be super fun. My first time in Japan. So excited.

spk_0 This is also a very new establishment. Standup comedy is super new to Tokyo. So let's support it.

spk_0 And then Los Angeles, California. Gash happening Wednesday. October 22nd. Tickets are almost sold out for this.

spk_0 And we're over a month away. So make sure if you want to come to Gash, the Halloween edition on Wednesday, October 22nd at the comedy store.

spk_0 Get your tickets now. All the ticket links are in my link tree link in my bio on social media.

spk_0 I will see you there. Thanks. Bye.

spk_0 Welcome to Guys We Focusing the Anti-Slux Shining Podcast.

spk_0 No, you haven't said it. I'm Krishina Hatton. I'm Karin Fischer.

spk_0 I'm your BuzzFeed boy friend. Bring us a slutty. You're horny and you're shamed.

spk_0 Hey, you with blood? Yes. Okay.

spk_0 Let's talk about fucking.

spk_0 Hello, human beings. How you doing? How you doing in this big bad world we got going on?

spk_0 I hope you're doing well. Stay hydrated. Wear a seatbelt and welcome to another exciting episode of Guys We...

spk_0 Hmm. It's the Anti-Slux Shining Podcast. I'm Karin Fischer.

spk_0 I'm Krishina Hatton, said.

spk_0 Welcome to the show. What are you doing Friday November 14th?

spk_0 Oh, I think you're coming to New York City to come see Guys We F.T. presents Let's Givin.

spk_0 Let's get in, baby. Yeah, it's going to be. It's our only live show of the year.

spk_0 It's part of the New York Comedy Festival. It's at the Crown Hill Theater in Brooklyn.

spk_0 And it's going to be the best night of your life.

spk_0 It's going to be really great. If you have seen the residencies that we've done at theaters or

spk_0 caviar all over New York City, it's going to have the same energy as that, but it is going to be

spk_0 bigger. It's going to be better. It's going to be different segments.

spk_0 Possibly wetter. Hopefully it won't be raining, but maybe you'll get wet in the theater.

spk_0 And the theater is exquisite. It's so beautiful. It's one of the few venues that we

spk_0 of that size that we have not played in the city. So we're really excited to step into that.

spk_0 We're doing a walkthrough in a couple of weeks. We're going to get it all nice for you.

spk_0 So make sure to get tickets. There's a lot going on during New York Comedy Festival,

spk_0 but obviously our show is going to be. It's going to be the best one.

spk_0 Not only have to come and tell all your friends, even if they haven't seen the show,

spk_0 our show is really good for people who don't know who the hell we are, which is great.

spk_0 That means we're a fun time. And you're not obligated to. But if you think of it, bring a can good

spk_0 or non-parasurable food item to the show. And we will donate it.

spk_0 Karen and I are going to go on over to a shelter of food pantry. And we will donate all the food,

spk_0 because let's be given. We should probably tell the venue we're doing that. They might know,

spk_0 but I feel like they've forgotten. We're going to have to put a set of a box or a table or some

spk_0 thing. We'll do one of those boxes with like Christmas paper on it. We're going to regret it at

spk_0 the end of the night. That's fine. We're going to be like, as we're as we're low to get into your car.

spk_0 We're going to regret it. I'm excited. And if you want to email us, it's sorry about last night,

spk_0 show at gmail.com. This subject line says, call to arms, crazy cheating story.

spk_0 Yes. Keep sending them. Honestly, if you're going to get cheated on, at least make it a good story.

spk_0 Hey guys, long time listener, literally since the first episode and luminary subscriber.

spk_0 I love to hear all the great and hilarious advice you guys have to offer each week.

spk_0 I've been wanting to write in with this ridiculous story for years now, but never felt like it was

spk_0 relevant until you asked about wild shit you've done after being cheated on. This cheating event,

spk_0 yes, I call it an event and you'll hopefully understand why by the end transpired. Oh, you know,

spk_0 it's serious when they use transpired over the course of roughly 24 hours. Buck a lot. I'm so excited.

spk_0 I'll try and string all the details in as best as possible. Sorry, it's going to be long.

spk_0 It was 2016 and me and my boyfriend will call him John in quotes. I've been dating for two years.

spk_0 We just returned from a two week hellish vacation from yellowstone. Hellish. That's too long to

spk_0 stay in yellowstone. That is a long time. You can only look at so many trees. I mean, it's great

spk_0 to look at trees, but yeah, that's too long for America. That's a whole other story. Our

spk_0 relationship overall was toxic and overall bad from the beginning. Nice. Many people warned me not

spk_0 to date him as he was a sloppy drunk gambling addict. And you said, that's what I've been dreaming for.

spk_0 Oh gosh, who worked in one of the most popular shit hole bars in town.

spk_0 The day of the event started normal, he picked up a day shift at the bar. I was working and we

spk_0 agreed to go see a movie after work. We decided on mid-Somar. Oh, nice. I was going to meet up with him

spk_0 at the bar once he was off work and grabbed one drink then head to the movie. When I arrived to the

spk_0 bar, he was already hammered while on the clock. And his two guy friends and this girl we will call

spk_0 Liz were all saddled up to the bar very drunk as well. John informed me that his two guy friends

spk_0 and this Liz girl are now coming to the movie. Oh no. I was annoyed to say the least, but just tried

spk_0 to roll with the punches. I mean, you guys are going to 100% get kicked out of the movie for that drunk.

spk_0 Now this Liz girl was freshly 21 and had just started hanging around this bar. I'd seen her name pop

spk_0 up and he's his DMs for the last few weeks, but John always downplayed it and made it seem like she

spk_0 was just some crazy 21 year old that loved going to the bar since she was new to this scene.

spk_0 I just turned 21. I can't even lift anything. Anytime a guy calls another woman crazy. They're

spk_0 and motor cycle scene. The people you want to fuck when you're 21. Oh god.

spk_0 And was living with a close friend of mine in a large multi-room eight type house and was also

spk_0 working with another close friend of mine part time. So I'd heard a lot about her, seen her around

spk_0 and met her on various occasions. She had never made any effort to introduce herself to me.

spk_0 She's 21. That's not really a thing. It's like not. That's like at a kid that you learn when

spk_0 you're older. And Gen Z definitely not. Yeah. I always introduce myself. Yeah. I don't introduce

spk_0 myself either because I don't want to know you. Fair. And you know, I don't I like I don't like

spk_0 being disingenuous or attempt to reciprocate any small talk over the few short weeks. She started

spk_0 hanging around me and my friends. I did try to talk to her on a few occasions, but never really

spk_0 clicked with her. I figured she was just climbing the very lame social ladder and I had no intention

spk_0 of becoming friends with a 21 year old whose only goals seemed to be impressing the guys in the scene.

spk_0 And yes, she was very well aware that me and John had been dating for two years. I wonder how

spk_0 will this writer is at this point. So we all mosey on to the movie. John is completely wasted at

spk_0 this point. So I'm in a horrible mood. We arrive and get seated. I'm sitting next to John, Liz decides

spk_0 to sit right next to him and then the two guys next to her. Oh god. The guy friends of John bust out a

spk_0 bottle of red wine. Dude at a movie. I mean, I've done shit like this, but when I was also 21,

spk_0 that they snuck into the theater and proceed to divviet up amongst themselves. Liz and John.

spk_0 I was so annoyed at this point. I declined and just watched the movie. Well, they were told to shut

spk_0 the fuck up multiple times. Oh, I guess I was there for being drunk and loud. I should have just left

spk_0 at that point, but honestly, I was really enjoying the movie. I would have been out of the

spk_0 movie. There are movies you can drink a bottle of red wine during not the summer. That's a

spk_0 serious one of them. It's an eerie-ass movie, man. It's fucking crazy. During the part in mid-Somar,

spk_0 where the man jumps from the cliff and his head splits open, I gaffed and looked over at John to

spk_0 be like, holy shit, what a crazy scene. Only to see a different crazy scene of Liz and John pass the

spk_0 fuck out with her head on his shoulder and his head laid a top her head. Okay. Looking back, I

spk_0 should have obviously got the fuck out of there. I just told myself they were drunk and happened to

spk_0 pass out like that. LOL, dumb bitch thoughts right there. Fast forward movies over. I wake up, John,

spk_0 and he's close to being blacked out now. She's actually walking out to the parking lot to my car.

spk_0 He's mad at me because I won't drive him to the bar where everyone was headed. I told the group,

spk_0 we are not going to drink more due to how fucked up John was. He clearly needed to go pass out and

spk_0 sleep it off. He was super mad on the drive home, calling me names, telling me I suck, etc. I

spk_0 drop it in seconds, dumb bitch fuck you. Yeah, this is so gross. I dropped his ass off at home and

spk_0 left for my own place to try and wind down. Oh, you don't even live together. Thank god. Since he

spk_0 was always such a drunk nightmare in the past two years of our relationship, I had his location on

spk_0 my phone for 19 went MIA or needed rescued from okay. I mean, at a certain point, this is your fault.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's not like you're not doing it, but like if your partner is getting so

spk_0 drunk that you have to have their location because they get drunk and like wander off like, what

spk_0 are you doing? Well, glad you guys broke up. What are you doing? Some bar he got kicked out of red flag

spk_0 much about an hour after I dropped him off. I checked his location to see he was low and behold at

spk_0 the bar. He got to be got himself to the bar. Not shocked. I tried calling and texting, but he was

spk_0 ignoring my calls. I could see a via some Instagram stories that he was with the guys and Liz.

spk_0 Hours go by. He's still not answering. I'm texting Liz. You have her phone number and his

spk_0 guy friends and the guys are sort of responding, but I got radio silence from Liz. I eventually

spk_0 fall asleep, but wake up around 3 30 a.m. I checked his location again and it's straight up in the

spk_0 middle of nowhere next to this river about 45 minutes out of town. I mean, hopefully he drowned.

spk_0 I call my friends who Liz lived with at the time and she answered and told me that Liz's van

spk_0 wasn't there. Okay, also you just woke some up and off in the middle of the night.

spk_0 I in my gut, I knew John and Liz were out in her big old van. She drove fucking down by the river.

spk_0 Are you joking me? Like she lives in a car? I said that to my friend to which she told me I was

spk_0 crazy and there's no way. I had to know what was going on and see it for my own eyes to feel

spk_0 like I was not totally insane. So I did the logical thing and hopped in my car at 4 a.m. and drove

spk_0 out there. So go to go find them. I'm driving down this middle of nowhere road. The sun is just

spk_0 coming up and I'm following the location on the lookout for her van. The location stops me at

spk_0 the random car with some dude in it. So obviously not them. And I'm starting to feel like I've just

spk_0 fully lost my mind and can't believe I drove out here for nothing. Then I fucking see it.

spk_0 Liz's van parked on the side of the road. I immediately parked behind it and walk up to the

spk_0 driver door. Oh my god. There's no windows on the van to look into. I click the door handle and

spk_0 it's unlocked. My ass barges in the van to find John's butt ass naked and Liz naked under some

spk_0 blankets. I went full rampage and lunched into the back of the van yelling at both of them.

spk_0 Attempts it to put Liz in a headlock. Question mark. Question mark. Okay. Hellhath no friar. You don't

spk_0 know how you're going to respond until it happens, man. I didn't want to hurt her anything. I was

spk_0 just caught in some insane rage. John pulled me off of her pretty sure I elbowed his face in

spk_0 a scuffle. And finally the commotion stopped. The lies immediately started flowing from him.

spk_0 I mean, I was just hugging her butt. You really? There's really no way if you're caught naked

spk_0 that you can get out of it. Yeah. Um, he said they were just out there skinny dipping.

spk_0 Still a problem. My response was what skinny dipping your dick and her pussy? I know.

spk_0 Ha ha. There was some back and forth arguing that I can't really remember the whole thing was a blur.

spk_0 Eventually he grabbed his shit and I told him to get in my car. We are done. But I'm driving

spk_0 him at home so he can sit at home still drunk and alone and hopefully feel like the biggest

spk_0 loser piece of shit ever. You should just love them. Yeah. Um, as soon as I left his ass at home,

spk_0 even then I was too nice. Yeah. Uh, here's where I end up doing some damage.

spk_0 I know it's never nice to blame the girl in cheating situations. It's not about the girl.

spk_0 It's about whoever the person who is not in a committed relationship. So it can be a man. It's

spk_0 just the person who has no tethering to another person. Um, I know it's not never nice to blame

spk_0 the girl in cheating situations, but she did go out of her way to call him after I dropped him off

spk_0 and then go pick him up. Hmm. So I figured I'd let her know she fucked with the wrong person by

spk_0 first off informing her father. Is he going to care what I had just discovered? She's, yeah,

spk_0 she's a grown person. Uh, me and John were friends with her dad before she came around. He was a

spk_0 big car guy and hung out at the bar mentioned earlier. He eventually told me later how disappointed he

spk_0 was in her and that he thought he raised her better and how her reputation is now going to make him

spk_0 look bad. Okay. There's a lot of problems with that. Yeah. So she also got kicked out of her house

spk_0 which my friend was living in not by my request just because my friend didn't trust her anymore.

spk_0 That's pretty funny. Um, she also got fired from the job she worked part time with my other friend.

spk_0 Oops. Maybe if she would have attempted to talk to me or get to know me at all, she would have

spk_0 realized I was friends with more people than she realized who all have my back. Her and John

spk_0 actually ended up sticking together and well because they have a common enemy and it's you. Yeah,

spk_0 yeah. Um, sticking together bond. Mm hmm. Um, some people get married over at home and kids and

spk_0 immediately started dating. I should chew not less than three days after the whole thing happened.

spk_0 Yeah. John got fired from his bar job and they ended up moving away together after everyone around

spk_0 town kind of realized how much they both sucked. Nice. They stayed in their weird chain dating bubble

spk_0 for a couple years until John eventually fell back into the same drunken insanity. But this time

spk_0 it was Liz who had to deal with all of his issues. Oh, I think she eventually realized I wasn't

spk_0 the crazy one and how much bullshit I'd have to deal with when I dated John. Well, no one had

spk_0 to deal with any of this. You guys are fighting over a loser. Yeah. Isn't that suck? That happens a lot

spk_0 in itself for women. A lot of people fighting over losers just absolute people with nothing to

spk_0 offer. It's because you're too focused on winning and not focused on like, is it worth it? Yeah.

spk_0 They of course broke up and both disappeared from the city and found new life paths. In the end,

spk_0 I ended up wishing the two of them know ill well. I knew that I was so much better off without this

spk_0 loser in my life. I honestly felt a little bad for Liz for not realizing what she had signed

spk_0 herself up for. Hey, that's Liz's journey. Yeah. I've every, every 21 year old woman has to learn

spk_0 that her own, you know, in real time, her own way. Last I heard John was in jail for attempting to

spk_0 murder his best friend in a drunken blackout. John said stop drinking. I'm going to go out

spk_0 a little. Everyone in this story needs to stop drinking alcohol. Doesn't make things better.

spk_0 Major yikes. The she right. I mean, that's your yikes. It's a little more than major yikes.

spk_0 Major felony. Yeah. I'm now in a much better relationship and have a couple of cute ass

spk_0 dogs that I love to hike and explore with. Moral of the story is don't date a ranging drunk alcoholic

spk_0 who you feel the need to literally track and have to take care of him. That's a great

spk_0 lesson. Get a dog instead. They are much more fun and rewarding to take care of.

spk_0 Carous facts. I hope you enjoyed this story. A loyal fucker. Here's some pictures of the pups

spk_0 and the new guy I've been with for the last five years. He's very cute. You're so cute.

spk_0 And that dog is so cute. That looks a lot better. I would like to see a picture of John though.

spk_0 And Liz, I'm so curious what these people look like. And how old she's pretty, the writer's pretty

spk_0 young too. If this is her, if she's, if this is, you know, five plus years after, she still looks

spk_0 like she could be in her 20s. So she must have been not so old. Yeah, I couldn't have been that much

spk_0 older, I'm guessing. Well, fucking a some of your send us your stories, send us your cheating stories.

spk_0 I have never been cheated on. Yeah. Yeah. Did you find out? I didn't know until after I had already

spk_0 done the person. Okay. That one. Okay. That's the only time that I know of for you. Yeah. I found out

spk_0 and the girl came over my apartment and I was dating a guy who lived in my building. Oh, yeah,

spk_0 I remember this story. Yeah. And then you attacked them together. Yeah. Well, I attacked him.

spk_0 And then she was like, get off of him. Oh, I'm like, don't you tell me what to do? You

spk_0 accosted him together. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Walking into his room, he was wasted and passed out

spk_0 after a Halloween party. And the two of us walking upstairs, it was the most thrilling, one of the most

spk_0 thrilling moments of my life. I was like, Oh, I cannot. The face that he makes, I'm so excited

spk_0 to see it. And it's going to be in my memory till the day I die as just. Yeah. I mean, the only

spk_0 person who I mean, again, I could have been cheated on more. I don't know. You can never guarantee

spk_0 that. But the time I know that I was cheated on, well, I mean, it was just ridiculous because I

spk_0 tried to dump this person multiple times. And then he cheated on me. And like, I was like, I've

spk_0 been trying to get rid of you for a long time. Why do we have to do it this way? I understand

spk_0 now. But you know, he had a he had a leave town because no one wanted him here. So if you

spk_0 cheated on me, you do get you have to leave New York City. Oh, that's pretty cool.

spk_0 Pretty fun. Thank you. A little humble brag. Thank you so much. How are you doing?

spk_0 Good. Well, I wanted to actually, because this episode is going to come out for luminary

spk_0 subscribers three days, which for I turn 40. And it will be the week of my 40th birthday for

spk_0 everybody else. And so I just wanted to talk about it briefly, honestly. How you feel? I feel

spk_0 fine, normal, good. I mean, I'm not like, yeah, I'm not like one of these people who's like

spk_0 overcompensating and it's like, yeah, like, I actually, I'm really excited for this decade because

spk_0 like 20s and 30s didn't like, 20s are 20s are just a mess for everybody. I think there's like a lot

spk_0 going on. It's interesting and everything and it was super fun. 30s was like a little, it was

spk_0 a little heavy for me because I mean, from 35 to like, now, I mean, it was a lot of just like

spk_0 definitely like the death started even before I was 35 because I mean, my dad was, that was mostly

spk_0 when I was 34. So like, it wasn't great. Yeah. And well, I mean, there's studies done. I read

spk_0 something not too long ago that the most difficult years of a person's life are actually usually

spk_0 20 to 40 because there's so much change in that time. Yeah. And then after it, it's actually supposed

spk_0 to get a little lighter. So I am very excited for that because I, I think I could benefit from that

spk_0 even though the world is certainly not lighter right now. No. But yeah, it's been so funny

spk_0 because I didn't know if I wanted to like just because being in this industry, like sometimes I

spk_0 feel like I am too honest and too open and I feel, and I mean, I know it has hurt my career.

spk_0 I don't regret it, but at a certain point, you're like, do you need to be the martyr for truth

spk_0 all the time you stupid bitch? You know, but I do. Like I just truth is the most important thing to

spk_0 me. I think that we live in a time when like people are monetizing misinformation and I just, I don't

spk_0 know. I just, it doesn't, I see no benefit to like untruths. So, and that's kind of

spk_0 super hiding things. That's like your next superpower. It's something that's always been with you,

spk_0 but it's also fucking Libra. Well, of course, it's Libra to a team. But you started out with like

spk_0 the confidence thing of like, this is, this is how you be confident. It's not that it's not as

spk_0 hard as people make it up to be. And now it's now your thing is like the truth. Well, it's like

spk_0 also like when you are confident, you don't have stuff to hide. And so the truth and confidence go

spk_0 together not truly, right? Yeah. And I was really thinking this over because like I was even thinking

spk_0 like I did, I was originally not even going to have a birthday party because I'm going to Tokyo.

spk_0 But then of course, I turned Tokyo into a work trip. So, um, because I have to, um, I'm excited,

spk_0 though. It's, it's very exciting when stand up comedy is new to a country. Um, but yeah, I was like,

spk_0 I haven't really had a big party for myself since I was 30. If you remember, uh, we, we had,

spk_0 I had it and we did that whole benefit for trans women of color who had been murdered. And I

spk_0 was like, great, install that money. And I was like, such a you. I was, I saw it on my face because

spk_0 I went, I was talking about some murder stats. It was, it was so me. I was looking at the signs,

spk_0 like I made for the party. And it was like, say her name and like pictures of trans women who

spk_0 had been slaughtered. But first of all, as usual ahead of our time, uh-huh. So 10 years ago doing it,

spk_0 and it, and this is, and this is still an issue today. Actually, a bigger issue, much bigger. So

spk_0 really crazy. Um, and then yeah, and I mean, I wasn't sure if I wasn't talking about it, yeah,

spk_0 just because like it's so frowned upon to talk about your age as a woman, especially in the

spk_0 entertainment industry. Like I'm like, you know, I had to like consider if I wanted to like,

spk_0 possibly rob myself of opportunities. And like, no, this is not about like, you know,

spk_0 tuning my own horn, but especially when you read a little bit younger, it's so stupid. I was like,

spk_0 my manager's gonna kill me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, that being said, I just think, um,

spk_0 the biggest realization I've had on the precipice of 40 is, um, and how I got so angry about it

spk_0 because it's been so miscelled to us. And it's such propaganda. If you would ask me 10 or

spk_0 even, you know, 20 years ago, what I thought I would look like or feel like or be like what I was

spk_0 40, I would give you a picture of someone much older. Yes. And as I have been approaching 40,

spk_0 I've been getting so angry and I'm not angry about turning 40. I'm angry about the lie that we

spk_0 have been sold as women about turning 40. It's a myth. And, um, I mean, I'm assuming that it has to

spk_0 do with the patriarchy. Yeah. And it makes sense to sell us this because it is the one thing you can't

spk_0 fight as biology. So this is around the time when, you know, most your eggs will be dead. So

spk_0 that's the one thing. Bigger. I don't want you to think that you are going to be old or feel old,

spk_0 there are still, and it's also crazy because it's like, this is like, you know,

spk_0 statistically, the midway point for people, um, maybe a little past the midway point. I think the

spk_0 average death age is like late 70s, 80, it depends on women in America. It changes pretty frequently.

spk_0 You know, as our health care systems, it's serious. The next couple of years, that might be that

spk_0 number will be oscillating. But yeah, like I've been so angry because it seems like, you know,

spk_0 we are kind of taught that we have to fit basically everything into when you really think about it,

spk_0 you're not an adult, no, until 18 realistically, more like 21 when you graduate college. Um,

spk_0 and so you have 19 years to get everything that is valuable in life done. Well, then what are you

spk_0 supposed to do for the second half of life? Just sit around and 20 or thumbs, like it literally

spk_0 makes no sense. Um, I don't think you even start to get old until like 60, 65 maybe. Obviously,

spk_0 it depends on your quality of life and how you're taking care of yourself and, you know, the things

spk_0 that are dealt to you. Um, but yeah, I mean, that's just like the one thing I want to express to

spk_0 younger listeners because it fucking aggravated me. And listen, when you're in the public eye,

spk_0 basically by the time you're, you know, 31, everyone says to you, you're almost 40. I mean,

spk_0 I've been told, I've been being told I was almost 40 on the cusp of 40 for nine years. Yeah.

spk_0 And I've watched it happen to other, you know, people, I mean, specifically like huge people,

spk_0 like Taylor Swift, I remember like, she's 35 right now. And for years, I've seen public comments

spk_0 about her being like spent or, you know, almost done. And obviously, like the correlation here is

spk_0 people get those comments, um, when they are independent, when they are financially free,

spk_0 when they are achieving big things. So men and sometimes women use it as a weapon to attack people

spk_0 who are basically owning life. Um, you don't see similar comments for like, tradwives or, you know,

spk_0 people who are living like the more traditional vision of what a female life is supposed to look like.

spk_0 I suppose you just, because that people want to encourage that. And so if by this time, you're a

spk_0 mom, everyone just kind of makes that your whole identity, which is also another complaint that I

spk_0 see from lots of my mom, friends, and also not okay. You're still a whole person, obviously.

spk_0 You know, many times I've gotten mad on Kim Kardashian's behalf because people are like, you can't

spk_0 wear that. You're a mom. She can wear whatever the fuck she wants to wear. Um, and I think it's

spk_0 cool, uh, that she, that she can do that and that her kids can see her continue to express herself in

spk_0 that way. So anyway, yeah, that's just what I wanted to say. Everyone, everyone is so concerned about

spk_0 me turning 40 even the text messages. I mean, the list goes on and on. The text, the list of, like,

spk_0 the interesting, like, responses I got to my birthday party invitation, because I am, you know,

spk_0 I haven't having a birthday party. And I didn't just send out an invitation like I'm having a

spk_0 birthday party. I said, 40 is huge. 40 takes up most of the land, you know, of the space on the

spk_0 invitation. Because number one, I wanted to let people know why I was throwing myself a huge party,

spk_0 not just like, you know, I'm not, wasn't turning 37 and just needed attention. Yeah, I think it's

spk_0 a milestone. It's like great. It's one of the biggest birthdays. Like 40, I mean, like, what is it?

spk_0 Like, I think 2140, 50 and then when you get into the old ones, like, 80, 90, 100,

spk_0 all right. You know, it really cares about 30. It's so funny. I feel like 30s kind of get ignored.

spk_0 I think 30 for a woman and 50 for a man is usually pretty big deals. I think it's just like because

spk_0 when you're done with your 20s, you're like, honestly, this is for the best. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

spk_0 I think this is for the play these years to rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, and it's so funny,

spk_0 because I came to this conclusion all by myself. Obviously, like, you know, this was like all,

spk_0 like, you know, and I just got so excited about the party and planning the party that I was

spk_0 preoccupied with that. But then right after I had had this whole thought process with myself and

spk_0 made the decision that I wanted to be very open about, I mean, also my age is all over the,

spk_0 it's not hidden. Yeah, you Google my name, Corinne Fisher birthday. It's literally on there.

spk_0 I guess it would only be a deterrent for roles for being casted. I mean, legally, they

spk_0 say no comedy. Who fucking cares? No, people still people still care. Really? Yeah. I think so. I

spk_0 definitely, I talk about being 39 in my set and when I'm performing for Gen Z, it creates a

spk_0 disconnect that you just have to work through it. Yeah. Um, and you know, and I listen, I tell them,

spk_0 if you think my life sounds bad, just know like I'm 39 and I'm doing well, like better than most 39

spk_0 year olds. Yeah. So these sounds bad to you. Look a lot. Because things are a bit. I guess so much

spk_0 for you. But yeah, like, um, yeah, it's just so interesting. So yes, biologically, freezer eggs,

spk_0 if you want to have kids, you can't, you know, you can't like a girl boss past biology.

spk_0 And legally, you do have until 50 to use those eggs after that, it's out, it's outlawed. You're not

spk_0 allowed to. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, well, they just, there's too many problems. You're

spk_0 not allowed to live life and like rush things like because if people were like, oh, is there like

spk_0 anything that you would have done differently? No, in, in usually like, there's nothing in my life

spk_0 that I would have done differently, except for maybe slowed down in a little bit and not felt like

spk_0 this, like, need to like try to do so much in your 20s or 30s. And I think like all these lists we

spk_0 have like 30 under 30 and all this shit, I think there's a so toxic because it like rewards people

spk_0 for getting things done earlier in life. But when you really look and Google who those individual

spk_0 people are, they're mostly people who were born into some kind of privilege, some kind of wealth.

spk_0 And so because I just happened to be born into a middle class family, uh, it's going to take me

spk_0 longer to get things done. It just is. I did, I fucking, my, my family has zero hookups. Unless

spk_0 you want to get a top space ball card account, then I got some hookups for you. Other than that,

spk_0 outside of the baseball card, I need some party bomb cards. Or if you want to go to an Ami

spk_0 Lou Harris concert, those are the two hookups that my family has. Other than that, I cannot help

spk_0 you with any two more hiccups in mind. Um, so yeah, I just wanted to talk about it. It was so

spk_0 funny because yeah, after I had this realization, I just turned on my Instagram and it was Von

spk_0 De Carlo posting about how, you know, she is she 50 proper or in her 50s. She's in her 50s. I think

spk_0 not that it matters, but first of all, Vans Hautez. She's hot as hell, dude. And the body is fun.

spk_0 And, um, and yeah, and she was talking about how she thinks it's actually like such a

spk_0 disservice and like such like a, I forgot the word she used, but like it's just like a bad move

spk_0 to lie about your age. And I couldn't agree with more with her. And I went through the rola dex

spk_0 in my mind of times when women older than me have kind of like made jokes, you know, about,

spk_0 I'm turning 29 again. And I, I transported myself back to how I felt when they said that. And I'm like,

spk_0 oh, yeah, this makes perfect sense. I always thought those people were so lame. Yeah. It was always

spk_0 so lame to even make jokes about, um, being 29 again or being 39 again or lying about your

spk_0 birthday or trying to bat your eyelashes and have people, you know, guess what age you are and

spk_0 fingers crossed. It's, it's younger than you actually are. I actually did a stand-up set, um,

spk_0 a couple weeks ago. And it was a club that usually has mostly like millennials or older in the

spk_0 audience, but for some reason it was a very young audience and I was like, oh god, this is going to

spk_0 be a little, I find Gen Z sometimes a little bit challenging. Um, and because there's a disconnect,

spk_0 but it's not because like, they're so cool. It's because they just don't know it enough. And so

spk_0 there's a lot of just stuff. And it's not like they're stupid. They're just young. So they haven't,

spk_0 had life, you know, that's kind of why you don't really want to watch a stand-up comedian younger than

spk_0 30 because they're probably getting a sock. Yeah. Um, life hasn't kicked you in. Sorry, Eric. Um,

spk_0 but you'll be, you know, you'll just be getting better and better. I mean, I started stand-up when I

spk_0 was 25, which is honestly pretty late to start stand-up. And, uh, you know, it's still like, I'm like,

spk_0 what was I even, what was I even talking about? I had fucking nothing to talk about. Yeah.

spk_0 And when I got on stage, I, I just asked them not to be complimentary, but I just like asked them

spk_0 how old do you think I am? And I was like, don't try to flatter me. Just like, like, you guys are a

spk_0 young, like, how old do you think I am? And the first person, like, the first person yelled at,

spk_0 I think 25. And then I got annoyed because I was like, stop. I'm not 25. And then like, they kept

spk_0 y'all, um, yelling ages that were so much younger. And then I was like, maybe they're not fucking

spk_0 with whatever the point being. And I was like, I'm glad you think that because I was like, I'm 39.

spk_0 I'm turning 40 in a few weeks. And I just want you to look at me and be like,

spk_0 and remember this is like a representation of like the varied ways that 40 can look.

spk_0 Also, if you feel bad about aging, I have a very logical response to this. And I had to talk

spk_0 my therapist off a ledge because we're the same age. And she is seemingly having a big problem

spk_0 with turning 40. And I said, care care baby. I said, I don't really understand

spk_0 and getting upset about aging because it is the very definition of equality. It's the one thing

spk_0 we are all doing at exactly the same pace. And like, yes, some people will look older and obviously

spk_0 some people will achieve more things at a different rate. And those are things that you, you know,

spk_0 I'm only in a race with myself over those things. But logically, you know, we're all aging and

spk_0 we're all aging at the same exact pace. And your only other choice is death. And I'm not interested

spk_0 in that right now. So really, what is there to feel bad about? Oh, yeah. I don't really get it.

spk_0 It doesn't logically make sense to me, you know, beat, take the power of age is what you want it to be.

spk_0 There and there's just, there's so many industries that make so much money off of women and men

spk_0 feeling insecure about their age. Well, that's the thing. It's so strong. And they put so much work

spk_0 into it. Right. The amount of anti aging creams for every inch of your face and your skin. It's just

spk_0 and it's like, wow, it can really be anything you want to be. So it's either when the age

spk_0 shit of trying to make a person feel bad is either an industry trying to make their dollar, which

spk_0 they do very well. Or it's somebody trying to feel better about themselves by pretending that you're

spk_0 lower than them because of whatever factor. And it's just the real, that's why I said, I think I

spk_0 talked about this a while ago. Instead of saying I'm like 37, just say I'm at level 47. Then you get

spk_0 to level 50. You're like, I'm at level 50. Yeah. Like good for me. And, and also one thing I've

spk_0 been telling myself just to because thinking about being like 65 freaks me out a little bit, but I'm

spk_0 like, I don't want that to freak me out. I'm like, one day these hands are going to be like paper.

spk_0 They're going to be so like, hopefully, old and fucking got some marks on them. If you're lucky. Right.

spk_0 I'm if I live to be in my 70s, I'm going to look 70. So like, but that's like a nice normal

spk_0 muckimolly. Oh, she looks like what 50 or something. Yeah. Yeah. Remember Norma Kamali, the designer

spk_0 that we interviewed for Jesus Christ. Yeah. She looks amazing. But like Vaughan Vaughan is a great

spk_0 example. She has we're going to be interviewing her on the podcast in a couple weeks. She has a

spk_0 book coming out about her age and about like living the life you want to live. And I'm like, you can be

spk_0 if you, if sexy is your thing and you enjoy that like kind of archetype about yourself, like you

spk_0 can carry that into whatever age you want. And also like if you don't care about how you look more

spk_0 power to you. Like, yes, that's also fine. I mean, you know, we had this conversation many years ago

spk_0 with Molly Austin, I believe that like what is pretty like pretty as kind of meaningless.

spk_0 Again, I'm a laborer, so I don't feel that way. But if that's what that's also how you like

spk_0 whatever is meaningful to you can be meaningful to you. And I just yeah, I'm just really angry about

spk_0 propaganda that's being sold to us. And we buy right into it and we weaponize it against other women.

spk_0 The comments and like on Du Mois and TMZ and Puris Hilton about celebrities and what they

spk_0 look like is absolutely disgusting and stupid. I also play this game where anytime I like see a

spk_0 celebrity who I haven't seen in a while or just maybe like I wasn't didn't re-narticle about them

spk_0 recently. And I'm like, I love her so much. I always Google how old the person is. They're

spk_0 never super young. And I love like a lot of young pop starts like Olivia Rodrigo and stuff. But

spk_0 they're you know constantly in the news. So I have an idea of how old they are. But you know,

spk_0 sometimes people pop up and all they like, oh, Ashley Simpson, how old is she? She's like 41.

spk_0 Oh yeah? Yeah, all these people. And I mean, obviously some of this is because I am a millennial. So

spk_0 these are the people I like because I grew up watching them. I understand that. But yeah,

spk_0 just be careful about when if you are younger about how dismissive you are of people older than

spk_0 you because that's gonna be you one day. You know, we're going to be dying, which is much worse. I

spk_0 remember we had Janine Garoflo on the show years and years and years ago. Yeah. And she was talking

spk_0 about leg makeup. And at the time I was like 27 or something. Oh, I love leg makeup. Janine,

spk_0 why would you ever wear leg makeup? Like that's weird. Love your legs. My dumb ass. I wear

spk_0 leg makeup. Why are shorts about fucker? Like, yeah, veins pop up. Well, it's not even for

spk_0 veins. It just like looks it looks smoother. But yeah, it's just like smoother. Because like for

spk_0 me, like you I like my my legs are so light. You could see the hair coming in the moment you shave it.

spk_0 Like you can see the little black dots. I can't you can't not see them. I'm too light. Yeah.

spk_0 News to me. I didn't even know that was a product that exists. Yeah, it's like a spray on. It's

spk_0 like a salad. Yeah, exactly. I love Sally. Sally Hanson. Sally. I hope you're doing well.

spk_0 I hope you're doing good. Sally. You're going at your leg with like a brush like a contour.

spk_0 I was like, well, no, but you do drive do drive brush. I have your lymphatic drainage. I have had

spk_0 makeup artists like apply leg makeup and also like anytime anyone's doing my chest back. Yeah,

spk_0 they have chest makeup on. They have leg makeup on just because so all your your shades match.

spk_0 Otherwise, your chest will be much lighter. And also everyone has like a little tit like zits.

spk_0 Everyone has that. Absolutely. Guys into it. And Beyonce said 40 is her favorite decade.

spk_0 I can see it. It's Beyonce, but like still. Well, looking at our curly. I feel like Nikki Gleiser has

spk_0 always been fucking killing it. Yep. And she's only like one or two years older than me. But

spk_0 I feel like there is something that like once she turned 40, she was just like unfucking stoppable.

spk_0 Her Instagram has like doubled because I remember I kept waiting for her to hit a million just

spk_0 because I was so fucking angry because I was like, she worked so much harder. She's so much more

spk_0 talented than all these fucking dipshit guys. And it took forever. And I was like kept looking at

spk_0 it. Like it was my goddamn Instagram account. I was so mad about it. And then she finally hit it.

spk_0 And then from there, it was just like she's like two million. She has a residency in Vegas with

spk_0 David Spade. I love her. And I just love watching her shine. And I just think she is like a great

spk_0 example of like just starting your 40s with a fucking band. There's also, you know, I, there's

spk_0 something really hot about women in their 40s that I've always thought. Even when I was in my 20s,

spk_0 yeah, even when I was in my early 20s, I'm like, okay, I get the hotness of women in their 20s.

spk_0 Women in the 30s, I kind of just ignore like they don't stand out. I think they're hot too,

spk_0 but yeah, but like they don't stand out to me as like, oh, that decade is something special.

spk_0 But women in their 40s have like a glow that is or something behind their eyes.

spk_0 Well, because I think like that that maniacal behave like not the the manic behavior of like,

spk_0 I must get how the child like it's kind of gone by that because you had to kind of make the

spk_0 decision already. Yeah. And so they're like at peace. Also, we can talk about this on another

spk_0 episode, but I've been watching hunting wives because people have just been talking about a lot.

spk_0 It's a the hot new Netflix show. It kind of is giving um, uh, desperate housewives. I

spk_0 didn't watch us for housewives, but my mom did. I've seen. I've seen. So it has like that soap opera

spk_0 element where like crazy shit is happening every episode. I do kind of like that. It's fun.

spk_0 Because that Christina Applegate show about um, death. Yeah. That also had that too. And so I do like,

spk_0 there is something I like about it, but it also um, is focused on like a right wing community.

spk_0 And I just think even though I'm not a fan, I do think too much media is focused on the

spk_0 left perspective. And yeah, always me. So I like to see this. It's like someone who is left

spk_0 leaning who has to move for her husband's work to Texas and be introduced to guns and right wing

spk_0 legislation and happenings and church life. And and so I started watching it just because everyone

spk_0 was talking about it. And I'm not going to give a lot of way. But like first, first of all of those,

spk_0 I was like, we're dealing with like woman on woman scenes that were like, I was like, oh,

spk_0 actually, this is like the first woman on woman stuff that I've ever been like into an

spk_0 irregular series. What do you mean like a storyline wise? Yeah. I don't want to like root

spk_0 it too much, but for people who haven't watched it. And then um, I was like, who do they make out?

spk_0 Oh, they do more than that. Yes. And then finger and then there are like one of the leads of the show.

spk_0 It's Britney. So and I don't know how is it? Is it Malin Ackerman? Is that how you say it?

spk_0 Oh, she's a great actress. The blonde girl. Yeah. Well, she's like red head and blonde in the show.

spk_0 I know her so much. I just and I know what her name is like to write it. I just don't know how to

spk_0 I've never heard it said out loud. But she like Britney so is wonderful too. But Malin Ackerman's

spk_0 older than Britney Snow. I think almost by decade. And she like, I think she's like 47 or something

spk_0 in real life. I looked it up. But like her she's sexy. She her she's duckiveness and power.

spk_0 Mm hmm. Like it's it's it's it's holds the whole entire fucking show down. Okay, I'm watching show.

spk_0 And so this was just yeah, I was just like, I was like, oh my god, this woman could get me to maybe

spk_0 join like a cult or something. Wow. Yeah. Powered really powerful. So anyway, young daughters,

spk_0 please do not leave your life like fearing 40 and do not let other people men specifically let

spk_0 you fear 40. It is the worst lie that I have been sold so far in my life. And I've been sold a

spk_0 lot of lies as a woman. Mm hmm. This is the this is the one I'm angry about. That's the life of a woman

spk_0 is uncovering all the lies that have been told to you. Absolutely. And just divorcing those lies.

spk_0 Yeah, grieving the life that you could have lived had you not have the lies in life. Absolutely.

spk_0 That's amazing. I'm so excited for your birthday party. It's going to be fucking epic. I'm going to

spk_0 yeah, let me find one thing I wanted to promote. It should be out by the time this comes out.

spk_0 It'll definitely be out by the time this is wide release. I have a new podcast that I recorded

spk_0 about a year ago. And I'm so excited because it is about a topic. It is about a topic that I am

spk_0 obsessed with. And it's all things metaphysical aliens go psychedelics going to different

spk_0 dimensions doing DMT and talking to the fucking tribe of people that you talk to. It's called

spk_0 wait, what? And it's co hosted by myself and author Daniel pinch back. He is a very, very smart

spk_0 person who has written does lots of books. And he's a really interesting intellectual mind. So

spk_0 him and I co hosted and the first two episodes are solo of me just trying to get a handle on his

spk_0 life experience. He's done. He's done every single psychedelic you could dream of. He's written a

spk_0 book on all of it. He's done them the right way with like shamans in Brazil or in the in the place

spk_0 of origin of the plant medicine. And he just has so many different experiences. And I think him and I

spk_0 are like a nice little nice little tag team. We're certainly very different. But we have a lot of

spk_0 interviews coming up with with people one guy who's been abducted by aliens who claims to be

spk_0 abducted one woman who can read a kosher records one guy who channels an alien civilization.

spk_0 So anywhere you get your podcast, wait what? And you can get the link for that on my Instagram

spk_0 bio at Christina Hutch. And as always, you can watch without a country. We live stream 7 p.m.

spk_0 Eastern time on YouTube on the without a country YouTube channel. And check out my new Instagram

spk_0 series. It's called local whispers. I am obsessed with municipal politics. I don't think people

spk_0 cover enough. Obviously running for mayors. What got me into that. But I'm really trying to spread

spk_0 the joy and hilarity and just like festering of corruption that happens in municipal politics.

spk_0 It's really exciting because I know we feel like we don't have a lot of power with everything that

spk_0 is happening in the world today. And like you kind of don't. But the great thing about local politics

spk_0 is that's where you can stop these crazy leaders before they get big enough to have the power

spk_0 to become authoritarian leaders. That individual voters have so much more of a voice on the local

spk_0 level. So I know like people aren't talking about. I know there aren't full broadcasts or you know

spk_0 big major news sources dedicated to that. But I assure you wherever you live, there is some kind of

spk_0 local media, a gazette, whatever like for in New York, I would recommend probably city and state

spk_0 as what you want to read in New York City. But there is local news. Number one good thing about

spk_0 local news is it tends to be less biased. It's people who still really like admire and respect

spk_0 journalism. And you're not getting like all this like capitalism like paid ad nonsense thing

spk_0 because a lot of times they're locally owned, even though sometimes these bigger people do

spk_0 only as like smaller affiliates. So that's one good thing. And the second thing is yes, like I

spk_0 think so many people go how can I get involved? What can I do? Like yeah, you can call your representatives.

spk_0 That certainly is genuinely helpful. But what you kind of the best thing I think you can do is make

spk_0 sure that you're voting for your mayor, for your city council, for your for your controller. And

spk_0 knowing who these people are tracking them and attending meetings in your community. Like that's how

spk_0 stuff really can get done on it because no one's paying attention to that. It's just like a bunch of

spk_0 senior citizens there. I tend to the digital community meeting for a long-time city. Amazing.

spk_0 MoFuck is be going through those stop signs and we need to find out a way to stop that. There you go.

spk_0 Yeah. And like people will actually listen. So I fully encourage you to do that. And that's I

spk_0 just wanted to find a way to communicate it that people would start listening because I think people

spk_0 think it's boring kind of like climate change. No municipal politics are so interesting. And the

spk_0 climate change is very serious. I'm saying like the articles about it are boring. They need to spice it

spk_0 up. Spice up. Spice up. Spice up. Yeah, definitely. Show me some titties. So talk about the rainfall count.

spk_0 And then Los Angeles, Gash, October 22nd. There's like a handful of tickets left. So if you're

spk_0 considering going to that, you got to get that ticket now. And then Tokyo. I'm at Tokyo Comedy Bar

spk_0 on October 4th. It's a Saturday on a showcase show. It's like I think it's right by Shibuya Crossing.

spk_0 And that is happening. So all the links are in the link tree on my Instagram. Philanthropy. Yeah.

spk_0 Amazing. And now for our guest. We've not had her on the show before. This is such a great conversation.

spk_0 So funny. So I love when I mean, I love talking to a stand up comedian. But I love when they

spk_0 roast us. Yeah, I love the restaurant. Yeah, she's a stand up. You could catch all over New York City.

spk_0 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the show. Ali Colbert.

spk_0 We are here with Santa comedian Ali Colbert. So happy to have you on the show.

spk_0 Hi, I'm so happy to be here. I'm really happy to talk to you because it's very funny. But you're

spk_0 also gay. Yeah. And namely gay. I'm really. What are you struggling? Yeah. But I'm I there's

spk_0 this part of I dated women before. But I just the idea of being gay, which might sound like

spk_0 insulting. I don't want that. I don't mean to insult like your entire life. But like it just

spk_0 sounds better. It sounds better. It makes sense. I don't know because it's because I'm not thinking

spk_0 of the struggles if there are struggles with it. She's appropriating. Oh yeah. Yeah.

spk_0 Struggles, which famously there are none, especially right now. Yeah. I zero being gay is so not

spk_0 better. It's not. Oh my god. No. Really have this fan. The grass is always greener. Yeah. I mean,

spk_0 I have no no, not also not to be rude. I have no interest. I mean, I really have interest in

spk_0 the sex that I'm interested in. Yeah, exactly. I know. I like barely there with men. Totally.

spk_0 No, I think being gay, this is like one of the more surface level issues with being gay is that

spk_0 you can't really if you have. Oh, this is a fan. You can't. It's harder to go out and just like

spk_0 make it happen night of with a woman as a lesbian. It's like when my friends go out and they're like,

spk_0 you know, straight people are like, oh, maybe I'll meet someone. It's like, what am I going to do?

spk_0 Like I'm going to first of all, if I go to a gay bar, none of the women I want to date are at the

spk_0 gay bar. If I go to a party, it's like, okay, maybe there's like someone who's like questioning,

spk_0 who it's like, I'm not going to close a deal that night. I have to like take a woman to upstate

spk_0 New York and like hear about her fucking sister for like a week. It takes so long. In my head,

spk_0 this is how it was going, which was why I was like, I can't. I'm already tired. It's awful. But wait,

spk_0 so it's a problem that so many lesbians that we talk to are only interested in people who

spk_0 might be lesbians. That's what the issue seems like. Every fucking lesbian we have on this show is like,

spk_0 actually, I only like women who have been straight their whole lives, but I might be the first

spk_0 woman I'm going to sleep with. What is the appeal with that? I don't like that is a pattern

spk_0 that I am trying to break. Okay. Like I see that that's what's happened and I'm trying to do it.

spk_0 And by the way, I'm going to speak in huge generalizations throughout this entire episode about

spk_0 the gay community. So just if I'm saying something that offends you, just like shut the fuck up.

spk_0 But like, you know, right? I'm not like attracted to like big butch-dikes. That's not my thing.

spk_0 Okay. This is not a pride episode. It's coming late this year. I'm just not into it. Right.

spk_0 So the women that I'm generally attracted to happen to be more feminine and then they,

spk_0 if they're pulling all this shit about them being confused and by. And so that's kind of,

spk_0 that's coming with the package. Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. I'm not like dating these line

spk_0 cooks. I don't want to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not the type of gay. I am. I'm not that type of gay.

spk_0 If I was maybe it'd be easier, I'm sure that we could have those guys on and they would talk about

spk_0 how it's really hard out there on the softball field. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. But also too like, yeah,

spk_0 I mean, you're attracted. One you're attracted to who you're attracted to. So who gives a fuck?

spk_0 It is what it is. Like you can't. It's not good or bad. Like just shut the fuck up and deed.

spk_0 But also like those, which lesbians they have such a masculine energy, more masculine than most men

spk_0 I've dated, that you might as well be straightish. Like it's, yeah. That's very confused. That's a

spk_0 whole different type of lesbian. I'm like, yeah. You really want, you want to date, uh, yeah. I guess

spk_0 they're dating women that are wearing, you know, 1950s male tuxedo shoes. Yeah. Yeah. And

spk_0 shaved heads and they say they're saying, call me scooter. And if you're into that, you're into that.

spk_0 It's never been my thing. Yeah. That's completely fine. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, I'm stuck

spk_0 fingering girls named Chloe that can't get over their ex-boyfriend. I'm not thrilled about that either.

spk_0 That's just what it looks like. I'm just being honest. You know, it's so funny. I have a friend,

spk_0 a guy friend who's bisexual and he's like, women are so fucking frustrating because I want to

spk_0 fuck them just as much as I want to fuck guys. But I know if I want sex, I have to go on Grindr.

spk_0 Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's interesting. I met a girl recently and I haven't really been dating

spk_0 like intentionally. Like, meet like, I'm not on apps. I'm not looking for dates. Like, if I go

spk_0 out with you and it happens, it happens. Yeah. I went on like one planned date for the first time

spk_0 in the last like 10 months, two weeks ago. And this girl was like, I think we had been talking

spk_0 for a while. And then I like for a while. I mean, like for a minute. Yeah. And then I put my phone

spk_0 down and I stopped there. I was just like, not it's hard for me to get excited about a stranger.

spk_0 Yes. I'm like, why am I like texting with this like chatbot? Yeah. It doesn't make sense.

spk_0 Then I saw that movie, Honey Don't. I haven't seen that. I didn't see it. It's like a hot lesbian

spk_0 movie with like, um, Aubrey Plaza and Margaret quality. Okay. And then at this hot moment.

spk_0 Ooh. That's a really hot sexy and they're like fingering each other at the bar. So I was like,

spk_0 I should text that girl again. I was turned on. And I was like, Hey, I'm watching this movie

spk_0 and like, it's so hot. I thought about you. And she was like, Oh my god, we should go out and

spk_0 recreate that scene. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. See, this is what I think dating a girl would be like.

spk_0 So I was like, this is never happens. Okay. So I was like, okay. And then the next day we went to

spk_0 get a drink. And I was like tired. I like wasn't ready. Like I like, I got tired. I don't know.

spk_0 When she was, she's younger than me by a minute. She's 16. And she's like 25. She was like, I was

spk_0 like, I'm so tired. I want to go home. But this was really nice. And she's like, what?

spk_0 That you were going to fuck me. Why won't you fuck me? Fuck me. Fuck me. I was like, okay, fine.

spk_0 She was like, let's get a bottle of wine and go back to your place. And I was like, oh my god.

spk_0 I'm not getting a bottle of wine. We could do 30 minutes at my place. You can't sleep over.

spk_0 I have to be up early the next day. Like it's not going to be what you think, but fine.

spk_0 She comes over. It's 30 minutes. It's in and out. And then then she's like, I have a workout class

spk_0 the next morning. Like, please, I'm sorry. I was like stressing out. I was like, you can come

spk_0 over. You can't sleep there. And please don't expect much. The next day she texted me like,

spk_0 how was the workout? I was like, this is why I didn't want to do it. I didn't want this text the

spk_0 next day. The sex wasn't worth it. I would think a woman seems like a great partner to me.

spk_0 Yeah. I'm going to let me in. I'm going to let me in. This is the energy I've been looking for.

spk_0 Yeah. Sounds great. I would be so hesitant to go home with a man I met that night. Yeah.

spk_0 I've done it. I've done it when I was like 20. But like nowadays, no, I would not do it.

spk_0 A woman? Yeah. Yeah. Because my safety is not at risk.

spk_0 Totally. I'm not going to kill you. That's nice. Yeah. But you're going to have, but like,

spk_0 you're, you're safety is not at risk. But like, to me, I'm like, this is almost,

spk_0 what she just explained is almost as bad as getting murdered. That to me. Just like, just a thought of

spk_0 like my phone blowing up the next day with just like a bunch of like single line text messages.

spk_0 That is stressful. I just don't want to do this like water cooler

spk_0 chit chat because we because I finger you for a minute. Yeah. That I hate that. I'm sorry. Yeah.

spk_0 And then she was doing this thing that like, and this is another, whatever. This is like a lesbian

spk_0 conversation that we could have for a while. But she's like, how do I make you come? How do I make

spk_0 you come? I'm like, that's not going to happen. There's no me coming right now. Don't even,

spk_0 don't even try. Is it because you're emotionally? I'm like, because I have to be relaxed in order to

spk_0 come on stress. Right. Right. I'm no, I just want you to leave. Yeah. The whole time. This is

spk_0 spiritual rape. Yeah. Wow. So really is it greener on the other side? No, it's not greener.

spk_0 It's the women are so bad. They're bad. They what are they doing? They're just like exhausting

spk_0 emotionally. They don't say what they mean. They do this health. I don't want a relationship. I

spk_0 don't you do you do you do you are you bad though? Then too. Yeah. I'm not good. I'm completely flawed.

spk_0 I every I'm not good. So what are some not good things that you have been exhibiting in relationships?

spk_0 I'm like a dating porn star. Like I'll do all the tricks. Right. Then I just I but then I just

spk_0 don't deliver. I I mean I'm writing checks. I do not cash. I'm on the fucking run from these bitches.

spk_0 Do you have so you don't give vulnerable with the women you date? I mean I'm like, I would take a

spk_0 long time. I think the truth is that like when I fall in love and I used to fall in love like when

spk_0 I sneezed. Yeah. I fall so hard that right now my walls are up so high that I'm just like not.

spk_0 I can't but was it actual love or have you have you like you know because sometimes you know when

spk_0 you fall in love with a new person then you go, oh was that last thing even love or were they all

spk_0 loves as far as you're assessing right now? I mean some of them really were and some of them like

spk_0 my last relationship which I've done a great job of mentioning on every podcast in the last 10

spk_0 months. That's how we do. Which my ex loves. She actually was writing to all the podcasts saying

spk_0 take down these episodes where you talk about me because it's so interesting cheaters get really

spk_0 upset when you talk about how they do it. They how dare you talk about what I did and your experience

spk_0 of it. But we know this person is. I mean no she's a private person. So then it's like people I'm

spk_0 like you're not even better. No one's gonna know. No one knows. No I know. It's like drives me crazy

spk_0 but now I want I like to bring it up more. Well don't DM me lady. We're not taking it down. Yeah lady.

spk_0 Yeah. But the last. Ma'am. The last relationship I was in I think I was like

spk_0 feeling these really big emotions that I was like I was conflating my desire to get her to just like

spk_0 be with me. Uh-huh. For like being in love and like obsessed with her. When I really just like

spk_0 was waiting for her to like sink into the relationship but I could just feel her not committing. Yeah.

spk_0 Does that make sense? Yes. How long we do together? Total. We were together for like 10 months and

spk_0 she was very close with her ex boyfriend even though he wasn't physically anywhere near us. He

spk_0 like lived far away and they were always talking and texting and she insisted I not talk to my ex

spk_0 but she was always in contact with him because she's gay and oh she was. Okay that my next question

spk_0 was is she bisexual? Well at the time she said she was gay. Okay. And she jumped right to gay with

spk_0 your first girlfriend. Well I don't I don't know that I was her first girlfriend but she she you

spk_0 know was dating me seriously. I was like I'm done with men like I really like want to be with you

spk_0 and his dad who I don't even think she met the dad passed away and she said I'm gonna fly to the

spk_0 funeral. That's right. And I was like if you do that like we're probably gonna break up and she went

spk_0 there and when she was there she like stopped answering her phone and cool. And like was that I

spk_0 saw her at her location. She's like at his house and then she came home. She's like you're way too

spk_0 anxious about this friendship like he's just my like homey and now they're obviously in a relationship.

spk_0 No. Oh my god women are crazy and I see she cheated on you with a man. So she but she would say

spk_0 I didn't cheat on you and she said this to me I ran as you emotionally cheated that's almost

spk_0 worse. Yeah I'm like girl okay you didn't you didn't what did you not like okay you

spk_0 could cast let me and then dumped maneuvered yourself into a new relationship that like

spk_0 eclipse the end of our last one okay if that's not cheating fine I don't know what you want to call

spk_0 that yeah oh god that's so fucking yeah so now she's with this guy and he's it's like the whole

spk_0 thing is the gaslightings the part that I sounds narcissistic and most offended by just because it's like

spk_0 I've cheated in the past and it's like just be an adult and be like I fucked up and I cheated and

spk_0 like just live with the shame of having cheated and like that sucks 90% of the people on this

spk_0 planet have cheated so you're not one you're not special and two like the only way to like overcome

spk_0 that part of yourself is to be honest about it. Yeah but she's it that she's not interested.

spk_0 That's not like her bag. Yeah but that was like that was crazy. Well because I was thinking about

spk_0 it because like there are some access that I feel like even though I'm in a relationship now I would

spk_0 if their parent died I actually would want to show up at the funeral but it was it was other

spk_0 behavior mixed with this getting on a flight for you that said if you do that we're gonna break up

spk_0 or what you know she it was like you know this was a guy that like she refused to like introduce us

spk_0 and like that's very you know like never spoke to him when I was there like okay and I was also like

spk_0 she was like deleting text messages like the every red flag in the book women can't cheat on

spk_0 other women we're too good it's sussing it out it's just we know no but you know like I basically

spk_0 like let her the end as Mel Robbins said I let her how sad that like the we must be in such a bad

spk_0 place that Mel Robbins being like let them is resonating with like everybody and she stole that from

spk_0 someone too she did yeah yeah yeah damn but basically you'd think because I'm a woman and I had this

spk_0 instinct that was like crippling the whole time that it's like you can't cheat on me but I was so

spk_0 wanting her to like pick me yeah I was a pic Misha that like I just tolerated it and I like

spk_0 confuse myself the goal that had to have it being chosen as a goal in a relationship with

spk_0 already started is such an intoxicating goal for the person wanting to be chosen that it creates

spk_0 tunnel vision yeah it was the most uncomfortable relationship I've ever been in like I'm surprised I

spk_0 didn't like I lost all this weight I was like I mean I look good but did it was a sex good

spk_0 um I love the far off glam yeah because it was so rare in the sex like oh really that was like I

spk_0 feel like that was also like like an avoidant mechanism of like distancing herself she was like never

spk_0 downed of sex did that piss you the fuck off like it felt bad yeah I mean piss me off like I wasn't

spk_0 like angry about it I was just like really upset yeah you know why would you be in this relationship

spk_0 if you don't be in the relay why was I in this relationship yeah yeah because I'm like obsessed

spk_0 with being chosen and like had in my mind that she was this great prize it's like one I'm like

spk_0 my god this light on you it's like that's my light the flashlight is like pointing at her

spk_0 and also I want to pitch to you so like I understand a lot of people talk about wanting to be chosen

spk_0 but I have discovered something that is more fun than being chosen okay and it's actually not being

spk_0 chosen but knowing in um your heart that in their heart they'd rather be with you that too oh it's

spk_0 just so it's because you're never you're never gonna dull you're always gonna maintain in their

spk_0 memory you're best self right so it's so it's so it's when you have maybe you had a will they won't

spk_0 they maybe you had a short relationship and they don't feel safe for you so ultimately they choose

spk_0 someone else because you feel uns you feel unsafe to them yeah yeah but you know they still have a

spk_0 they still have what if about you and their heart that they will carry until they're grave you know

spk_0 is more energy I've I've cut down on caffeine that energizing I had a guy that I used to hook up with

spk_0 years ago he I hadn't heard from him in a while and I get a message on my phone like a text

spk_0 tingles he he unlike a new Dysentium five years ago and I go and he's married or he's engaged and I go

spk_0 oh my god oh it's the best day of my life let's hear for the girl so you're absolutely right

spk_0 that is amazing yeah up you know a part of this this that maybe speaks to what you're saying but like

spk_0 when I was doing these podcasts and like talking about this breakup a few months ago my ex kept

spk_0 not only was she emailing podcasts which kept calling my sister what that she and leaving her

spk_0 voicemails yeah while she was dating this guy in a full blown new relationship with you and I'm

spk_0 like that's kind of my version of that where it's like you're clearly not like good yeah correct

spk_0 like you good like you're not you're calling my sister and like leaving her messages texting her

spk_0 being like she's being like hey yeah you left a hair in my sink 10 months ago what no but like

spk_0 a day of that yeah yeah it was like I found a free t-shirt that you left it's like no one this

spk_0 not real you know you can use that as a dusting rag you know you can throw that away right what are we

spk_0 doing exactly that would give me a smuggle smile so that's one you refuse to talk to her or are

spk_0 you still like if she texts you do you respond no no she's blocked on everything her phone numbers

spk_0 blocked the whole thing ever she will obviously ever ever since we broke up the day we broke up she's

spk_0 been blocked on everything and I said I'll never talk to her again I'll never let her talk to me

spk_0 that's powerful of the day that you broke up to to be able to block and keep it that's strong

spk_0 because I was like this is so this I felt so bad I would have done anything at that moment I was

spk_0 like but I was like she has to lose access to me I'll sober up from her soon yeah like wise wise

spk_0 the only time I talked to her was when I ran into her physically oh they feel good or bad three

spk_0 weeks ago and she was like let's go sit down let's go for a walk and I was like no

spk_0 and she was like I I never cheated on you and I was like cheaters litigate the definition of

spk_0 cheating yes and I was like can we close out this interaction oh I love that's so official no I was

spk_0 like I was pretty good I kind of like Michael Jordan dunked on her it was like the fantasy

spk_0 interaction of running into your yes I never had that moment that sounds great

spk_0 roondor whole day and sat with me and just like ask questions that I was like this is for you

spk_0 right and she probably want to try to rope you back into said something sideways to make you go huh

spk_0 yeah she like wanted me to apologize she wanted like for what for talking about the breakup you

spk_0 know I'm a real person I'm not a story she's like I love you I admire you I was like thank you so much

spk_0 I don't know I don't feel that way about you at all wow you handle that like a G yeah there was

spk_0 nothing I like the boyfriend is a hockey player and I was like I said go his team name I was like

spk_0 like a professional yeah oh wow yeah huh so he's brilliant and huh what's uh what's

spk_0 been your favorite relationship or sex or like sexual or either or romantic or sexual

spk_0 or they get maybe like whole pack all lucky both but you know my favorite relationship was I was

spk_0 engaged what oh yeah I was engaged like a bit after the pandemic yeah and she oh you know what

spk_0 I didn't know that was like my my best friend oh and that was like that relationship clearly

spk_0 because we're not together was not without its faults but like she was like so special oh now how

spk_0 does one what how does all the time like break off an engagement who did it was it mutual like what

spk_0 does this look like it was it's like really not fun it how does it happen she's like much older

spk_0 than me like nine years old eight or nine years older than me and wanted to have children uh huh

spk_0 and I think we were in a place where like we wanted to be together well so badly that we were

spk_0 willing to like ignore the realities that would undo the whole thing and then we got to a place

spk_0 where like this is asking so much of you and so much of me to stay in this relationship and like

spk_0 in order to break up like we got like we had to get like angry with each other and like just in

spk_0 the shaking sometimes people are like they want to be friends the whole time and it's like that's

spk_0 wild there was like a like I was mad at her she was mad at me we blamed and then now it's

spk_0 hopefully okay now we don't talk all the time who proposed to who I proposed to her how long

spk_0 we're together three years when you propose no two okay damn yeah how'd you meet um we met

spk_0 because she was she is a yoga like spiritual a laid teacher type and she was had like this

spk_0 event where people were performing stand up like oh and they would take like I was I can't

spk_0 remember I was like plant medicine and movement and then there was comedy it was like the most

spk_0 alike the other is fuck and uh oh yeah L.A. lesbian love story yeah yeah no it really we actually both

spk_0 had like I mean I kind of like had a flirtation with some guy who she was dating and he

spk_0 introduced us and I did her show and then her and I fell in love I actually wrote a movie about it

spk_0 and we've cast the movie and we're filming it next year oh amazing you know what that's great

spk_0 because when you were telling out I was like this is a great movie so I'm glad it is a movie it's

spk_0 like John Tucker must die but the girls so cool yeah amazing congratulations thank you one thing

spk_0 I'm realizing as I hear you talk about your experiences is I guess maybe something I was trying

spk_0 to touch on at the top but I didn't do it articulately it seems like women what when I'm in a

spk_0 relationship with a man I'm the one who cares about like is this going somewhere are we bit you know

spk_0 like I'm not like every day bugging you about yeah is this good you know I'm kind of checking in

spk_0 but I care about the relationship I care about maintaining it okay it's a seed you got a water

spk_0 you got a plant it you got a nurture it I feel like women all like if you're two women are dating

spk_0 you both give a fuck about nurturing the relationship you would hope I don't ever see my last girlfriend

spk_0 didn't want her church she wanted to she was all needs with me right but yeah a lot of women do the

spk_0 women that like at least I felt like they're deeply invested this maybe is like a gendered

spk_0 bias thing to say but like it is intrinsically connected to them wanting to have kids and they're like

spk_0 on a timeline that like at maybe if I was in my 20s I would be like not as aware of it but dating

spk_0 in my 30s I really don't want to like fuck with a woman's like if she wants to have a kid I do

spk_0 think it's kind of irresponsible to like date her past a certain amount of time if you're not ready

spk_0 to deliver and men do this all the time but like women like they're on a clock and like you know

spk_0 I know it's not new information yeah dating a woman who's 33 34 if she wants babies like you know

spk_0 you kind of are interviewing for a specific job yeah that's true that's true and no kids for you

spk_0 not now and like I that's like a pressure that like I I really don't want to take on

spk_0 yeah dating so like if I'm dating a woman who's like I want to have kids in the next two years

spk_0 like I can't do that yeah right I can't promise that so if you're open that's a different thing

spk_0 but like I don't want to do that whole thing makes it really stressful do you guys want kids no

spk_0 but it but men stress me out about it so it's interesting because I mean it's the same thing I'm like

spk_0 I agree with you like obviously like I don't think there's a lot of timelines for a lot of things in

spk_0 life but like there is a biological clock that is ticking if you want to have your own kids at least

spk_0 and yeah no it's I don't know I find it annoying it's yeah it's stressful and you know what's

spk_0 interesting is like you see a lot of couples now that are together for a while and they're freezing

spk_0 embryos yeah right this is like a committed couple yeah goes and freezes their embryos I'm kind of

spk_0 like why are you doing that yeah this is why are they doing that like just have kids with your

spk_0 person or don't it feels like a very interesting multi multi that like thousands of dollars like

spk_0 married couple who just like a street married couple who just did that to me it's a red flag oh

spk_0 I mean it just like seem like they wanted like a high quality I mean the IVF process is just like I

spk_0 think it's a little scammy in general I think it's a huge scam it's a you know it's it's capitalism

spk_0 at its best in my opinion but yeah I don't know I don't know it's just like they sell it to you like

spk_0 it elongates a woman's timeline and it's like oh freezer maybe you can do it whenever you want

spk_0 and it's really not like that it's you have to go through so many rounds of IVF to actually

spk_0 yield enough eggs that this will be successful and even then there can be so many problems I mean

spk_0 it does sound like the more the more we're super scamming it progresses as a society and women are

spk_0 like doing what they want more and you know kind of putting prioritizing like their goals before

spk_0 a relationship and all this cool stuff it does feel like a woman's meant to have kids when she's

spk_0 like 19 like her body definitely teens bounce back man they do well I mean the thing about it is like

spk_0 you know it's fine if someone wants kids but like if you're you know dating me for a year or two

spk_0 years and then I kind of find out that like even after knowing how great I am it's you you're still

spk_0 choosing kids you don't know over me like that like genuinely like hurts my feelings and then

spk_0 makes me think like deeper about how is that like the only value that I mean in a heterosexual

spk_0 thing that like men think that we have so it's interesting to hear it from the lesbian perspective

spk_0 oh meaning like a guy is like I want to have kids and it's not I feel like you know when they're

spk_0 choosing a wife it really is like number one is baby maker to is your personality and I don't

spk_0 love it yeah I've seen that also I mean it's that's so yeah a lot of men I know that are like

spk_0 late 30s early 40s dating their and their priorities starting a family it does give that vibe of

spk_0 like for sure who who's gonna have the baby and it's like yeah that feels offensive but women are

spk_0 also like I want to go to pay for everything so yeah I mean they totally are dating like that in

spk_0 the same way that men I mean I think if you date poor what a mistake oh date a poor person I

spk_0 I've been there many times I'm always dating poor that's brutal have you dated a poor I mean

spk_0 I usually am in a dynamic where I'm paying for most of the things right but I like things you

spk_0 want to and you just say it first decides who can do it I okay I like to I mean being single now

spk_0 though has been a really I don't it's I'm also like I'm kidding a bit but like I feel like I take

spk_0 on all this pressure to my like I'm trying it's gate these gay couples that like put themselves

spk_0 in these straight roles right right I'm like proposing and paying for it's like calm down your

spk_0 on your period too yeah you're not like fooling anyone you're five two yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

spk_0 I don't really know why I'm doing that but I this is the first time I've been single in like a decade

spk_0 really yeah I was like back-to-back relationships my entire 20s this is crazy

spk_0 that seems like you don't like being right does mother I yeah you're right I don't maybe what's

spk_0 going on maybe you're over it maybe you're reached a point in your life where you're like you

spk_0 know what fuck this and like during those ten like during those ten years you're like cool cool cool cool cool

spk_0 cool and then you took a time to slow down and you're like oh wait I don't need to like ask you

spk_0 what you want for dinner just go for dinner yeah I didn't realize I didn't realize that I could

spk_0 be way happier oh well not dealing with someone I thought it was like the best thing to like

spk_0 find love and have love and have a person it's actually once you go through the withdrawals

spk_0 amazing yeah it is amazing it's the most magical time yeah so much better I love me it's like

spk_0 taking off a tight shoe yeah it's so nice it's like all your money goes to you yeah you

spk_0 every do anything you want whenever you want the energy of considering another person

spk_0 is a lot more energy than you realize until you break up and you're like oh I know I know

spk_0 I know it's amazing it's just a treat so I'm having a nice I've ever like just fucked and not

spk_0 dated my guess no not really I don't like maybe like there were certain periods where I was doing

spk_0 that but like I really don't want to like just have sex with someone that I'm like don't care

spk_0 about sure you never were like even when you were like super young no when I was younger I was able

spk_0 to have sex with like someone that I hated yeah yeah me too I think it was I that was also just like

spk_0 so much drinking yeah drinking drinking really helps yeah it was like a val it was like validation

spk_0 sex it was like sex not for like genuinely wanting to have sex it was like sex that like meant

spk_0 something else to me I need to feel special in your eyes or whatever the fuck it is yeah I read

spk_0 this quote my therapist told it to me I'm obsessed with it was like healthy people don't have sex

spk_0 that's not worth having okay why did she why did he or she feel the need to say that to you

spk_0 Ali because it was after my engagement fell apart uh-huh I was in like the peak of my having toxic sex

spk_0 okay what was talk what what kind of flavor toxic stashers just such a variety like married straight

spk_0 women oh really unavailable women how do you access such women where are you meeting them is this

spk_0 app or in real life no no app real life like post show or in no not okay like I mean no like just

spk_0 people that I know that like I feel that like there's like a bicarious energy yeah the body the

spk_0 body is good at telling like a scope and out it's about to keep the score yeah done the body keeps

spk_0 the school is it though I wish it didn't when you fuck the married woman did you tell you she was

spk_0 married yeah they always said that they're married I never didn't know what was married and at the

spk_0 time where you like like like you like it did you know like like to do that to the you shouldn't do

spk_0 the law no it's not uh no usually it's exhausting that I'm married it's not like a perk yeah yeah yeah

spk_0 it's just that they're cool more games and ahead in my future it's more of like um like a validation

spk_0 high of like choosing me getting chosen being chosen sex that is associated I'm willing to risk my

spk_0 marriage for your body yeah or or that or I mean I don't I didn't feel that as much as I felt like

spk_0 I'm straight but you're the one person that I would uh yeah the exception to my straight rule yeah

spk_0 that's okay that makes sense that was a good good drug for a minute yeah I mean like you know it was bad

spk_0 that's like kind of like the same energy that men you know bring to lesbians that lesbians hate when

spk_0 they're like I'm the one who can change you like you just haven't had this dick yet yeah it's kind

spk_0 of like the female version of that so you've talked about like but better wanting to be chosen a lot

spk_0 like where did where's that coming from is this like a childhood thing I have no excuse my parents are

spk_0 the best are you serious I did not think you're gonna say that they're married I'm thinking

spk_0 gonna give us a story about they're my best friends but I love them love yeah they're awesome I

spk_0 mean isn't it the same like stand-up comedy disease of like I'm doing this like when you think

spk_0 about stand-up comedy isn't it kind of pathetic that you're like I know these things are funny and

spk_0 like I just want to hear you guys tell me they are again I be put like I think it's like I think it's

spk_0 funny when I make audiences unhappy too with my jokes I agree that's it like I get a great joy

spk_0 out of that too I totally got that it's like a cool flex to sit up there and have them uncomfortable yeah

spk_0 yeah yeah yeah well I don't know I also like this is so emo but like I'm very I'm just so used to

spk_0 being misunderstood that to tell a joke and people not laugh to me is just like oh this is just a

spk_0 different level of being misunderstood I'm so used to this it's not a problem and for me I'm like

spk_0 oh it's just a challenge like I know what I mean I just have to find a clearer way of expressing it

spk_0 to people and that's it and then I go back to the drawing board yeah it's about her me but it's

spk_0 kind of funny especially when you hate them or you know they're dumb like this is great yeah I think

spk_0 it's like growing up I was so uncomfortable with the idea that I was gay really okay and parents

spk_0 make you feel that way no they're liberal wow I was like I was like this is alley versus alley

spk_0 totally and I was like uncomfortable in my body that like when I finally accepted myself it was

spk_0 like a proving to myself like look at this like look at I'm fine the cheerleaders picking me

spk_0 finally like I you know when that was like just something that I was like chasing or going after

spk_0 so when you told your parents you were gay were they're like cool yeah we want to eat yeah that's

spk_0 nice did they know no that I was gay yeah some parents are like we all know they should have known

spk_0 but like they were like okay whatever they did not care they did not care at all did anybody care

spk_0 I cared no one cared okay literally no one cared did you would what it would have helped you more

spk_0 if they were like we're mad at you yeah maybe yeah maybe yeah maybe I was like crying and I remember

spk_0 I was like dad hug me and he was like okay he was like here it's all good and I was like all right

spk_0 okay I'm mad at me a little bit you know it wasn't even them it was just like growing up in like

spk_0 early to like 90s early 2000s you're like I don't know anyone who's a lesbian well it's gonna say

spk_0 you have the choices you have are like one other person well little is better you had little

spk_0 was that Rosie was gay right yeah and Ellen and Ellen right not to but I'm like I don't want to

spk_0 fuck Rosie or Ellen right yeah that was where your own I was like that with its like how can I do

spk_0 that fuck Rosie or Ellen yeah I was like this is awful I don't want to have sex with them they

spk_0 don't feel sexual to me yeah okay so you know odd way this really resonates with me because that's

spk_0 the way I feel when I saw like weddings growing up like heterosexual weddings I was like

spk_0 and home life and motherhood like I still find myself looking at like mothering accounts on

spk_0 Instagram and I don't want to do this like that's my that's why I say I say I'm trying to like

spk_0 really like open myself up to other ways of life and I just will watch them all saying I go I don't

spk_0 want to do this like that's sometimes out loud sometimes in my head you're like allergic to it yeah

spk_0 I just like I'm like I'm like I'm having a tantrum I can't help you through a tantrum

spk_0 terrible I just don't want to do it and I love that we live in a world that you could choose to do it

spk_0 and choose the number I don't want to do am I are we gonna want to do it at some point like is like

spk_0 what happens when you're older and no one comes to your Thanksgiving table and you don't have children

spk_0 like what happened you make it for the five dogs you adopted and they're so appreciative have you

spk_0 ever seen a Thanksgiving at a shelter I'm incredible I've never I fucking hate Thanksgiving but when I

spk_0 watch videos of dogs like eating the mashed sweet potatoes like and the turkey I could cry if you

spk_0 are joy and who's gonna take care of us when we're older we're gonna make fucking money so that we

spk_0 could pay someone to do it yeah I guess you're right and they're gonna do a better job because they're

spk_0 gonna be they're gonna be people are gonna do a better job because they're getting a check and

spk_0 they're not doing it out of the sense of obligation okay but do you think you're gonna look back and

spk_0 feel that you lived a meaningful life yes just yeah you are have so fucking list constant rotation

spk_0 of creating kids who then they have to have kids to have meaning makes no sense it's an endless

spk_0 loop will never end that if that's the only meaning right here I know but isn't there a chance

spk_0 and I'm someone who's basically right now sitting in this bottom I don't want to have kids right

spk_0 there are chance that having children will provide invaluable meaning to your life in a way that we

spk_0 can't comprehend right now I think I think it will provide something that we can't comprehend but

spk_0 we'll never comprehend it so we don't know what we're missing your answers but I also think

spk_0 like Jenna Friedman we had on the show recently and she was like I identify as a childless woman

spk_0 but she has a son and she was like annoyed that she had a son but she was also annoyed that

spk_0 actually she loved having a son she was like really kind of surprised at she loves it she loves

spk_0 being a mom and she's like I did not think I that I was fine like I did not want this so how

spk_0 she's accidental kind of I mean she was she's married to the guy and stuff so it's like

spk_0 which is the amount of people I know with kids that are like they want to kill themselves yeah

spk_0 that sounds not fun but I think also like I know plenty of people that I'll get to want to kill

spk_0 themselves I just think it's like you're there's I think both they're both ways are going to

spk_0 be able to reach some kind of you know height that you wouldn't have reached the up in the other

spk_0 situation that's all I think I think like if you don't have kids you'll be able to get to a

spk_0 point of self-actualization that you might not have reached and then if you have kids you might

spk_0 be able to like feel this level of love that you would never feel on the other end but I think

spk_0 it's just like it's a choice I don't think one's better I just think it's choice A or choice B

spk_0 that's what I look at it yeah I also like oh god when I I friends that have kids my one friend

spk_0 she's a single mom so she's she still hangs why I go to her but that's fine but like I most of my

spk_0 really good friends that I've had kids like you don't fucking see him anymore yeah yeah share

spk_0 from him anymore they only want to hang out with some friends cool which I get I would too

spk_0 probably because it's like a really specific thing but I'm like man where's your where's your

spk_0 fun go I know I know I know and I love life can be like a fun adventure the entire life and I'm

spk_0 determined the entire life yeah sometimes the only thing that kind well one of the things that

spk_0 appeals to me once in a while is I think like it's the one way that I could recreate now this is

spk_0 bullshit say it well he decides but it's bullshit but like I think about the parts of my my sister

spk_0 got married this past weekend younger older okay oh my god myself I opened my speech being like well

spk_0 it's me the spenster dyke of course he of course he did um but it didn't make me nostalgic for

spk_0 the years that we were like all growing up together in the house yeah and the one like one attempt

spk_0 at recreating that is having your own kids obviously you can have a lot of money and stay at

spk_0 awesome hotels and be with your homies but it is a fun sort of energy of like the magic of childhood

spk_0 sure but don't you feel the magic of childhood all the time like in this occupation I just

spk_0 I like people like all my friends my age are like doing stuff with their kids and like oh it was so

spk_0 nice to go to Disney World again I was like I just went to Disney World myself yeah you just do

spk_0 that and honestly that is so cheap I don't care I don't care this is the things that I want to do

spk_0 I like doing these things I'm gonna continue to do that I think what I think what's really missing

spk_0 here on a Halloween costume for yourself it's fun with women that are on the fence about kids

spk_0 and they're like like like exactly what you said I think that's a really real thing that a lot of

spk_0 people feel but I think really what's at the core of that is the fact that we don't have

spk_0 fucking community anymore if we had if we had like not communal living but like just community we're

spk_0 like and it's hard to have that in a city like you have to like meet at a certain place every week or

spk_0 something like that we kind of have that with comedy clubs we do we do we do talking like like

spk_0 people used to like live in these community like this I was I was watching this YouTube documentary

spk_0 about this got this woman that started a community in like Northern California she like bought a

spk_0 parcel of land and everybody kind of helps out everybody knows each other but they honestly didn't

spk_0 seem annoying they seem like they seem like they actually gave a shit about each other they solved

spk_0 like people's psychological problems they came together and I'm like that is what I want I mean

spk_0 that sounds amazing anytime I'm with my like my friends and I went on a trip this past summer anytime

spk_0 I'm with them in a contained area where like you get to see your friends multiple times a day

spk_0 there's nothing that's better than that like a friend they get going on a vacation with a group of

spk_0 friends is like like running an Airbnb together it's the most blissful moments of my life there's

spk_0 nothing happier yes I really think so I would be doing my sweat like like like like but like like

spk_0 friends buying like a big like a mansion together and like the raising children together because I

spk_0 was I was thinking I was thinking this weekend sounds great though why were thinking this weekend like

spk_0 I feel like so many heterosexual women make bad choices with their partners because they are

spk_0 racing against this biological clock so what if like if you're gonna get bad come anyway you can

spk_0 just get it from the sperm bank like like so just do that and then you don't have to live with the

spk_0 donor right and make a decision like yeah make a decision to raise it with your friend for too long

spk_0 women of the marrying their sperm donors and I no more current Fisher for mayor no more like legit if

spk_0 Christina came to me and she was just like I I just want to have a kid because I want to have a kid

spk_0 and it's time like would you help me like raise the kid I would literally say yes or like

spk_0 I know that's the biggest that's a thickass offer I wouldn't no no no I'm not like adopting the

spk_0 kid but like I would sign on to be like yes I will like watch the like I will spend a good amount

spk_0 of time watching the kid I'll do this I'll make it so that you can continue to pursue your dreams

spk_0 like that would actually be truly ideal for me you know I have a apartment building and all your

spk_0 friends are in the apartment building yeah that is I can oh my god my best friend and I live with

spk_0 all the street from each other that's so fine we have walkie talkie this idea is so good

spk_0 to make you look that's shoot as hell yeah it's so that's so cute no but it's like then you get to

spk_0 like grab coffee and be like bye yeah like that kind of bars and butter like yeah like New York City

spk_0 needs that because otherwise it's just like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm like alienating like you're

spk_0 around so many people but you're like so alone which is the loneliest feeling I'd rather be in

spk_0 a co-op which I was really against because it just seemed like people were gonna be in my

spk_0 fucking business non-stop yeah and like they are a little bit but it's the smallest building I've

spk_0 ever lived in in New York City and I do actually know my neighbors like I gave my neighbor a key

spk_0 to my home wow just in case of emergency like I've let him go in like to do like work like he was

spk_0 like we have a like a shared outdoors and he was like I like like I let him do work back there

spk_0 so nice when I'm not there but I really genuinely trust him and I also like living alone the only

spk_0 thing is I'm like I would I don't know if my dog would barks and I would want someone to find the

spk_0 body within a reasonable amount of time yeah and that's really my only concern and sometimes I can't

spk_0 zip the back of my dress yeah okay yeah okay yeah the building I live in is like similarly small

spk_0 yeah and everyone in the building is like pretty I mean relatively young and fun and all this

spk_0 right the one like the double-edged sword on that is that I feel like there always my building like

spk_0 the guys in the building are always trying to hang out with the girls really like they're all what

spk_0 they're like what are you doing this Friday what are you doing this Saturday and I'm like I can't

spk_0 I don't know how to say this but like hanging out with the people that live in my building is like

spk_0 the lowest on my totem pole of priorities yeah that's like 22 year old Murray Hill shit exactly

spk_0 and they're always saying stuff like oh you're so busy and I'm like yeah I hate that yeah I hate

spk_0 that commentary yeah like oh where are you going we'll just come to your shirt I'm like shut up

spk_0 it's New York City yeah like yes well to pay right you got to be busy that's why I don't

spk_0 understand why people think that we're just like around I'm like you know how hard it is to make

spk_0 rent like yeah yeah but it is fun to live with I feel like if I had a building of friends or

spk_0 you think just one friend that you could just go over to have a single friend just in the same

spk_0 building like that would be so like Casey Bolstrom and Robbie lived in my building for we lived

spk_0 in each other's building for like a year or two and that was just so like she knew babysitter last

spk_0 minute because I had a spot I went downstairs I was so coldly I'm like this is amazing yeah this is

spk_0 like this feels better than the best love in a relationship I've ever felt honestly that's why I

spk_0 think I really think the missing pieces community I think you're right that's like all these studies

spk_0 that you see that are like the biggest indicator of like longevity is your community your

spk_0 friends the quality of your friendships yeah they don't talk about your husband how each it's

spk_0 like the quality of your relationship with friends yeah and now I gotta make some three sums three

spk_0 sums speaking of community yeah what do you think about them love them had many really why do you

spk_0 love them so many reasons I've had male male female female and I've had male male female so I've

spk_0 had two me two guys me and two guys and me and a guy and another girl they're both so hot you

spk_0 want two guys yes I've had that twice is that the best for you as a well you're bisexual or

spk_0 straight how do you identify I guess I identify I would I guess bisexual I don't I don't tout that

spk_0 around because it feels like yeah there's a couple like through some comedians I know they're like

spk_0 I'm bisexual now and like you've had a boyfriend for five years what I don't know it feels

spk_0 weird it feels weird so it feels a little tokenism yeah but um the male male female three sum is just like

spk_0 while well I would imagine if you lean straight that is like the crumb-dillicrum yeah yeah

spk_0 yeah you make this hmm I don't know she's even like one other person I I I died in three

spk_0 things not for me what do you think so the first of all why what the what I show up to anything

spk_0 where I'm not headlining well male male female you are if the guy the guy no that I'm way too

spk_0 I'm way too much of a feminist to I don't I don't you want to please too man exactly it hurts me to

spk_0 please one man why am I bringing another man I have absolutely not if they if they made out with

spk_0 each other like I do like like a little bit yeah I wish I was a little I love when I got used to like

spk_0 like you know not gay porn but there was this movie called get real I watched on VHS so many times

spk_0 I've talked about on this show before but it was just like men kind of like caressing and like

spk_0 making out it was like a coming of age like so and that when I was when I was a teenager I was

spk_0 watching it like not now but yeah and it was like teen men like making out with each other it's like

spk_0 teen men feeling each other so funny teen men teen I was a teenager too yeah yeah I mean I

spk_0 love that movie yeah I fucking love that movie highly recommend I do feel I kind of felt like

spk_0 what I what you're saying when I had a threesome with a guy and I've only had three Sims with one

spk_0 guy and one girl okay and I do feel a bit guilty that I'm complicit in some dude having like a

spk_0 fantasy yeah he knows I'm a lesbian yeah and he knows I'm in the room and I'm guilty of just

spk_0 giving this straight man you also like pleasure you also liked it I liked it but I'm not I'm not doing

spk_0 anything with him we're both just basically you could sub me for male male female oh that sounds fun

spk_0 that sounds fun oh you're having a real buy kind of meltdown huh yeah I'm a that's fun

spk_0 smokes a car so wait then how are you getting into these so like when you're getting when when

spk_0 you're getting into a threesome then if you're not doing with anything with a man like what is

spk_0 how you why you show up because you're fucking just because your female partner wants to do it

spk_0 because no I'm never doing it when I'm in a relationship oh because there's like a hot woman

spk_0 who like my homie and I will both oh that's interesting and then she will be bisexual or something

spk_0 and she'll be like down for us to both be wow that's great for that okay okay that sounds great

spk_0 she's pretty I got a lot on great I really am yeah it's fun yeah I kind of just have to tune out

spk_0 the guy yeah because I'm not I'm like whatever right right and especially if it's like a guy you

spk_0 know and you're like that's so nice that's like a nice dynamic of like I don't I don't I know

spk_0 you're gonna do anything weird no no I wouldn't do it with like a rogue man yeah you don't know

spk_0 they might kill you know what if he does something weird pull out a gun you never know 100%

spk_0 from his ass yeah yeah that'd be hot I don't know also a threesome with two women would be a little

spk_0 two maybe two emotional I would be like someone's mad at me right I might be I'm sure it would be

spk_0 I yeah I sure it would be hot I'm sure it would be hot women are hot but there's a lot of emotions

spk_0 not that men are the men are a bit more stoic yeah well I just think like women there's no man

spk_0 that's even close to as hot as like the one million thottest women like women are so gorgeous

spk_0 and magnificent and impressive and amazing and just better oh I really like man I think no but

spk_0 okay here I'm just I'm thinking my head I'm just like there's some I mean so pretty hot so

spk_0 your proper straight yeah like I have to like okay so here's a question figure at a

spk_0 sex club and she was like no I know I let her I let her I okay so this is like this is the

spk_0 gayest thing I've done I let a married woman finger me at a sex club because I saw that her marriage

spk_0 was struggling and she was there to fix it and I wanted to be like I wanted to do something for

spk_0 the sisterhood okay so it was a don't I reach back yes but I reach back because I knew she was

spk_0 doing it for her husband to see if she was wet and she was and so just like and I was like and so

spk_0 I was like we're just here helping each other out her husband was watching I go this is for you

spk_0 girl you know lovely that's what I volunteer work and I just I just felt like they were like a

spk_0 little bit like older and like no one was paying attention to them and I said no no one should feel

spk_0 not on my watch no one should feel like this at a sex that's really funny and she was

spk_0 very pissed everywhere you go but also because because I do feel so safe around women I was like

spk_0 even though this won't sexually arouse me like if a man that I didn't want touching me touch me

spk_0 I would I would just like be disgusted but a woman who I just said it's okay this is what I'm saying

spk_0 Chris yeah I said yeah I'm like I love women so much yeah you could finger me just yeah this is

spk_0 why you're here just think okay but then let me ask this question this is like a straight girl

spk_0 litmus test I've asked my sister this I don't get how straight girls into this if you're so straight

spk_0 would you rather have sex with like I'm trying to like panellope crews right or like

spk_0 who's like a really unappealing man I mean panellope crews honestly panellope crews or like

spk_0 Philipsy more Hoffman he's such a good actor but he's dead isn't he?

spk_0 yeah but who's but you know what I mean like who's a man who like I'm disgusting man is Trump

spk_0 I mean there you go there's like social issues there that I can't I can't I wouldn't

spk_0 like a raid no one's that straight alley right no one is that straight but like when you said

spk_0 panellope crews even though I could recognize that she is breathtaking I literally have actually a

spk_0 sketch of her in my home um wow yeah because she's in one of my favorite she because she's yeah

spk_0 cuz what movie what no no panellope crew that's Vicki Christina Barcelona yeah

spk_0 Bethelona yeah that's one of your favorite movies as a straight girl yes I love Vicki Christina

spk_0 Barcelona I love her kind of all about her honesty a thruple no she's so mean in that though

spk_0 that's why I like it she's in your lesbian she's mean in them for like I didn't mean to finger

spk_0 over at the sex club I was four she was like it was a therapeutic finger and I'd rather have sex

spk_0 with panellope crews and there's a photo of her frame no you're just not your project and I don't

spk_0 want to have kids and I'm just here saying I want to live with my best friend and by the way

spk_0 Christina I would have your baby and that I would be cool that I would say yesterday I'm now

spk_0 just interested in sex and can you just see that this is what it's like to be a straight girl

spk_0 I love my boyfriend but it did take 39 years um but I like that that was good she's finally straight

spk_0 that was good but don't see how straight women are confusing no I was gonna say though I don't

spk_0 want to have a side I said when you said panellope crews I go it's literally my nightmare to have

spk_0 sex with someone not much hotter than me yeah that's a bit weird I wasn't for even the

spk_0 games of women or dating hot people a man hotter than me fine a woman hotter than me literal

spk_0 nightmare it's a literal nightmare it's really okay my favorite part no man hotter than me so pretty

spk_0 so cool I wanted to ward look at me miss personality woman hotter than me I gotta go to the gym

spk_0 because it's confronting it's like it's like I'm dating hearts and I'm craft yeah like I don't

spk_0 like I don't have a pecs I don't have a dick no I'm not comparing any of these parts I'm

spk_0 fucking a girl that was ten times hotter than me I would I would feel bad about your body let's

spk_0 go to the deli afterwards no and I also I hate feeling masculine I hate feeling masculine because I

spk_0 feel masculine so much in all areas like that I feel masculine sexually makes me disgusted because

spk_0 my like I need a respite from how masculine I feel on doing stand up running yeah I do not like

spk_0 the Victoria Supermodel you prefer to be sort of subjugated by masculine indeed during sex I mean

spk_0 also sometimes be like but but when I know it's like it the person's like letting me do it yeah

spk_0 like you can finally access your feminine yes yes that that's why sometimes all like date you

spk_0 know people who are even like a little more on the conservative side and then you go I don't

spk_0 like I don't love this but like I need to go almost like a cartoonishly masculine I really understand

spk_0 that because I think if there's a lot of queer women then I think they talk about like if they

spk_0 were attracted to men and they talk about being attracted to men that are like more fluid energetically

spk_0 and you know the sort of hoop earing men of the world love those men and I that's Christy I love

spk_0 a kind of day guy I don't I feel like I want women to be very feminine and I want men to be

spk_0 very masculine and I as me can do whatever I want I love that for you yeah but I don't even like

spk_0 when like when a man wears a scarf in the winter that's how no problematic I am yeah freezer

spk_0 neck exactly I'm like I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't know that you were gay

spk_0 you become so conservative in bed yeah you're a little bitch Mike actually crazy with your

spk_0 real oh you need gloves for your little paws feel a kick and kick tapos you're like what

spk_0 treat me like a lady treat me like a lady the problem a lot of going on treat me look a little

spk_0 girl I know he's like I'm not confused at all I always think though like you know I was always

spk_0 attracted to like women that were hype really feminine okay really feel lesbian see that's what

spk_0 Ashley Gavin said to me too and I'm like I actually Gavin said I was straight man actually

spk_0 Gavin throwing out label left and right that's funny no I don't I actually don't think anything

spk_0 but like I but I then I was like was that not is that not gay

spk_0 well that's okay yeah that is it yeah if are you gay or by if you only want to date the hottest

spk_0 chicks yeah I guess so I'm gay yeah yeah yeah remember the top of the episode right well you said

spk_0 you always need the same type like what is that type but besides being hyper feminine is there

spk_0 like other qualities that are always the same um blonde I mean okay I've I've tried to set that down

spk_0 and you're trying to brought it yeah I have I haven't even meant to accept a red head like growing

spk_0 up I was really attracted to Brunez right and then the last like every girl I've dated has been like

spk_0 you know sort of like the area and ideal yeah you know it's like your taste buds change every

spk_0 seven years it's a six of things yeah it's an over correction for being a J and I'm like looking

spk_0 for this like this this this area and I yeah this thing I'm like oh my god this girl I don't

spk_0 see from gay women call easy yeah so hot yeah I gotta stop with these blondes because they're just

spk_0 frigid who plays callisi what actually um Amelia Amelia Clark yeah she's so hot she's so hot I sent

spk_0 her a director a quest on Raya yeah I mean nowhere she was so fun she was that was a really

spk_0 her was it yeah of course you can't have a fake profile on Raya connected your Instagram fuck wait

spk_0 she buy no she just like probably I was like I probably no on Raya you could see women who are

spk_0 interested in women and you could see all women oh okay which I don't I mean no one's on there to

spk_0 make a friend no you can be really here for friends a lot of people on there who are just straight

spk_0 up networking yeah oh networking yeah I get that yeah that's what some people call friendship I

spk_0 guess if you live in LA LA is my community the emotional desert the soul is desert yeah LA is brutal

spk_0 yeah yeah I do like living here better um yeah I am going to LA this weekend I do like

spk_0 I can't wait I do like LA sometimes but I think you see more people here and you have more like

spk_0 the pacing is more fun like I feel more I feel more connected to people yeah yeah yeah it's

spk_0 easier to have community yeah I like run into people walking on the block all the time in

spk_0 New York City yeah yeah yeah fun yeah no I do like running into people here yeah do you watch porn

spk_0 yeah uh yeah I usually do but I haven't really a long time what kind of porn anything just not

spk_0 lesbian really yeah I hate lesbian porn is that that's a gay homework of a gay yeah because I'm just

spk_0 like that's I do like lesbian porn that's a hallmark of being straight right really yeah yeah

spk_0 the straight girls love lesbian porn I can't get into it it's just the most fake thing and I just

spk_0 just like no I don't know but it's for like the male gaze you could totally fucking tell and

spk_0 it's really annoying yeah but when they're actually having a good time you're like good for you

spk_0 do you watch porn yeah what's going on you're I'm sure your searches are confusing um yeah I like

spk_0 cuck cuck queen let's cuck queen like a guy cheating in front of his girlfriends and she like no no stop

spk_0 sometimes okay sometimes I usually watch it with the sound off because my apartment building

spk_0 the walls are two things what about headphones I never you don't want to never think so put in

spk_0 headphones oh because I want to if the partner's coming home I don't want to be like oh do you have a

spk_0 partner yeah yeah yeah for long for long time oh yeah a man yeah but you call him the partner yeah

spk_0 huh you're gone through something but I feel like I have a straight straight people like

spk_0 quite I feel like straight people have like taken over a partner I hate that and everyone's annoyed

spk_0 about it exactly I find it to be very irritating when straight people like my partner it's like

spk_0 you're lucky enough to say my boyfriend just say my boy right my domestic partner and I have

spk_0 consensual sex while I watch porn on mute I'm gonna go talk about guys we fucked up my podcast

spk_0 you're very good at impressions thank you really appreciate questions is that me no that was me that

spk_0 anything else you want to talk about discuss anything eat nanchia it's bit the time is up but I

spk_0 want to make sure they feel like topic still left unturned here is there is still left unturned yeah

spk_0 skip but we get the therapy tell us whatever you need to tell us um what's your mind I don't know I

spk_0 don't I really I don't have something specific is there something that I said that I didn't

spk_0 no I think we went through I was looking on the book is there something you guys want to talk

spk_0 about I mean have you ever like what's okay so what's the average length of the relationships

spk_0 that you've been in as a mostly serial data two and a half years that's the average length yeah

spk_0 okay wow you're back to back do you feel like I know you've been engaged obviously but like do you

spk_0 feel like you like really committed to these relationships or is there a part of you that maybe

spk_0 had one foot out the door this I'm this is I'm completely I feel like committed like I think I

spk_0 tried my tried my best to be fully committed in that the relationship where I was engaged and

spk_0 and tried your bet what does that mean tried your best like I wanted to be fully committed but I

spk_0 knew I couldn't get there which is why we broke up I don't know that I've ever been fully committed

spk_0 in any relationship because they don't like if I was fully committed I would still be in the

spk_0 relationship okay no because as you date somebody it could take five years to realize a certain

spk_0 quality of theirs to come through that you go I can't do that right you know yeah yeah

spk_0 yeah yeah but I think it's because in every relationship I've been in I'm more committed to

spk_0 living out whatever my truth is more than like for real right my what my dreams my desires what I want

spk_0 right more than I'm committed to the relationship being a success and that's completely that's normal

spk_0 which is why society like is panicking right now because people are waiting longer and longer to get

spk_0 married and then people are opting not to get married because they realize like it's very hard to

spk_0 interrupt that single life once you've been in it so long whereas if you did it when you were 25

spk_0 it's like okay well I didn't even really know who I am so might as well add someone else onto

spk_0 this fuck it up journey right but to add to that like point I don't know what that means like

spk_0 committed to a relationship to the point where I'm making concessions I don't want to make no I'm

spk_0 committed to a relationship to the extent that I'm not going to be miserable in the relationship right

spk_0 I think it was like from good like for me I was you know obviously we're like talking about

spk_0 relationships every week on this show and I was serial dating but like not like in very like short

spk_0 like all less than a year like I'm like I love a six seven month and then I took a step back and I

spk_0 was like single for two years by choice and and I was like I don't really think I've been taking any

spk_0 of these relationships seriously quite honestly so I was like maybe let me try being in a relationship

spk_0 and actually taking it seriously and actually putting both feet in and actually wanting to

spk_0 what does that look like taking it seriously like you know when someone invites me to meet their

spk_0 parents I actually do it oh even though I don't want to and I don't want see but that to me is like

spk_0 why are you committing in that way because because I just never I'm gonna want to meet anyone's

spk_0 family who's not my own but I understand that it's important to be part of being in a

spk_0 long-term relationship is doing things that you don't necessarily want to do right you know

spk_0 that'll make the other person happy because you love the person so much and it's beautiful to

spk_0 like not being a fucking downer when you do the thing you want to do right you know I'm gonna

spk_0 I'm gonna let's have fun you know let's have fun I think that's a part of a relationship you've

spk_0 never done that for a person of course I've done that and I've been in real like serious relationships I

spk_0 just mean there's like a line between of course I'm doing these things because I'm in a relationship

spk_0 and that's means making compromises and concessions meeting you in the middle but also like

spk_0 I want to be careful that I'm not like giving up big pieces of my life or like getting into a pattern

spk_0 if you want to lose yourself or doing getting into a pattern where like this isn't what I want

spk_0 long-term like even if you're with someone and you love them I don't want to go to Long Beach

spk_0 Island every weekend to spend Sunday dinner with your family whatever the fuck it is it's like

spk_0 to do that you're not my person for not in that well your person wouldn't care that you don't

spk_0 want to go they would just go themselves I guess yeah I would think relationships are so difficult

spk_0 they are they really are well I think they're inherently I think I think relationships are just like

spk_0 are all toxic that's why I agree I totally agree just like that's why it's just single it's so

spk_0 easy in a way that I feel like friendships aren't these full because they're not asking anything of

spk_0 you in the same way and they're not the only one in that role so like you're not gonna just you

spk_0 know you know not you're ever you don't have just one friend you have multiple friends it's

spk_0 unimaginable pressure I feel for relationships like it's I should can do 80 20 like I need to be

spk_0 happy 80 percent of the time yeah yeah 20 but even 20 percent of the time being upset it's like

spk_0 relationships are like oh that's a big chunk of time I know but the whole like the the deal is

spk_0 that we're building something but I think the game changer factor here is if the other person

spk_0 if you could say like I don't want to do this and they're like okay and that yeah but like you can't

spk_0 you can't it's a pen they're like they're gonna want stuff that you're not gonna want to do you're

spk_0 gonna want stuff that they're not gonna do it's just like the deal it's like just being human it's

spk_0 sucks it does suck I couldn't know I could not agree with you more it's not but you're right friendships

spk_0 are the best they're not like making you don't pretzel yourself I mean hopefully for them they're

spk_0 love because you want it like you're in each other's lives because you both want to be in each

spk_0 other's lives yeah there's that there's not like all these promises associated with it and they

spk_0 don't make you change more good friendships don't yeah where can we find you online I'm at

spk_0 Ali Colbert on everything a li Colbert with a K yeah thanks Ali this is great hey thanks guys thanks

spk_0 for roasting us this is fun make sure to go see Ali call you Ali Colbert do you stand I like I

spk_0 like that I like it too I go is she really it um it's not so all the same I know it's okay uh this

spk_0 has been the guys we fucked podcast thank you so much we'll talk to you next Friday bye guys we

spk_0 fucked is presented by luminary created and hosted by Corinne Fisher and Christina Hutchinson

spk_0 editing and music coordination by Eric Freddie theme song by Rob Patterson and Jake Kosen

spk_0 spiders grow

spk_0 why don't you

spk_0 your desire for the abstract is better

spk_0 so we speak art

spk_0 you paid me a promise

spk_0 you scoffed me your heart

spk_0 is this what it feels like so be on you

spk_0 are you on you

spk_0 there's a poem in your poem you say I should have it and maybe I grab it

spk_0 my mood's create another color you capture them on camera you call me your love life

spk_0 you

spk_0 is this what it feels like to be on you

spk_0 are you on you

spk_0 you saw right into me open I can look you

spk_0 this

spk_0 be on you

IT’S ME, THE SPINSTER DYKE? ft ALI KOLBERT

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