Grace O'Malley and Whitney Go Deep | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 309

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Grace O'Malley, everybody.

spk_0 You are hearing the angelic voice of a one grace O'Malley.

spk_0 Yes, I know.

spk_0 She is doing a caricature of someone from Boston.

spk_0 There's something about people from Boston, Australia,

spk_0 where it's like, is that, do you have?

spk_0 You can't turn it down at all.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 It's like your tongue is, there's muscles in the tongue.

spk_0 You can't un, like, you know, Boston.

spk_0 Yeah, and that's tough.

spk_0 That's definitely tough, because I don't want to talk like this.

spk_0 You think this gets me laid?

spk_0 Hey, oh, I like you both.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So she's here because I have decided to retire.

spk_0 And the AI and robots are frankly not coming fast enough.

spk_0 I don't know why you guys are so freaked out about them

spk_0 because I've been waiting for, I did not,

spk_0 I didn't sign up to a podcast every week for the rest of my life.

spk_0 Had I not thought robots would be here by now or AI or something.

spk_0 So Grace is coming in, filling in,

spk_0 we don't have time for background anymore.

spk_0 We don't have time for recap.

spk_0 No, we just got to get right into it.

spk_0 Yeah, you know, and so this is an episode called,

spk_0 if we get in the algorithm, I'm stunned

spk_0 because we're going pretty wholesome

spk_0 and not too topical, you know, that I've been weighing in

spk_0 on topical things lately against my will.

spk_0 Okay, so Grace and I are going to get to know each other.

spk_0 We are going to ask each other questions.

spk_0 By the way, like, honestly, I don't think anyone knows the answers

spk_0 to any of these questions for me.

spk_0 Yeah, I mean, these ones were just ones

spk_0 to just ask free flowingly and then the game one

spk_0 is later down along.

spk_0 We would never be able to get to know each other

spk_0 like this not for public consumption.

spk_0 So thank you everybody for allowing us to monetize our friendship

spk_0 because I don't know how to make eye contact

spk_0 off camera at this point.

spk_0 I've been dying to get to know Whitney

spk_0 and I knew we had to get three tripods here.

spk_0 I'm trying to get to know myself.

spk_0 Has my publics as answer these yet or do I just,

spk_0 we're just trying to figure out who I am.

spk_0 You always kind of just answer the same question the same way.

spk_0 You're like going on a lot of dates and you're like,

spk_0 this is my favorite movie because you want to like,

spk_0 sound smart or this is my favorite book

spk_0 because you're trying to seem interesting

spk_0 and then you're kind of like,

spk_0 I don't like any of this stuff I pretend I like.

spk_0 When I was right, that's so crazy to say that

spk_0 because it must be your 20s.

spk_0 As when I was writing these down, I was like,

spk_0 I feel like I give like the dumbest answers

spk_0 to most of these questions all the time.

spk_0 I haven't really thought through it,

spk_0 but I feel like I'm supposed to say this.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And then you kind of get older and someone's like,

spk_0 one, one why and it all falls apart.

spk_0 That's your favorite movie why?

spk_0 Oh, God.

spk_0 I haven't even seen the movie.

spk_0 You just got me.

spk_0 I heard about it.

spk_0 Yeah, I don't know.

spk_0 I want you to like me.

spk_0 I think I'm cool.

spk_0 Chloe 7, yay, is in it.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Do you think I'm smart?

spk_0 It's 820 40.

spk_0 It's 820.

spk_0 Totally.

spk_0 And then as you sort of like get more tired and unable

spk_0 to pretend, it's like, I'm excited to see what my answers are.

spk_0 I'm excited to tell today.

spk_0 I tell the truth.

spk_0 Let's go.

spk_0 All right, Rapid Fire.

spk_0 What's on the bucket list?

spk_0 I feel like you should start with this

spk_0 because we were talking the other day about what

spk_0 it's like to start comedy right now.

spk_0 And like, if I were like 25 right now,

spk_0 what I would be doing and I would probably

spk_0 be dancing, doing TikTok dances,

spk_0 like hoping like JoJo C.

spk_0 Well, notice this me.

spk_0 Like I would be so corny and you handle it in such a cool way.

spk_0 I was such a pick me like desperate nightmare.

spk_0 I'm like, hey guys, here we go.

spk_0 Like unboxing just things that were not sent to me by brands

spk_0 at all.

spk_0 Pretending losing money.

spk_0 Yeah, just totally just like a hashtag partner,

spk_0 not a partner, no partner in sight.

spk_0 Never gonna have a partner at this rate.

spk_0 And you do it like in such a like chill like way.

spk_0 What do you want for your end of your 20s or 30s 40s?

spk_0 Now that there's no business left.

spk_0 Well, career wise, definitely we're talking

spk_0 the other day like a sitcom or television show.

spk_0 I want to write great.

spk_0 And I want to be the writers room.

spk_0 I love this so much because everyone looks to the com

spk_0 to like the office was like really cool when I was doing

spk_0 my sitcom, which you guys understand it's scripted.

spk_0 It's scripted.

spk_0 First of all, a bunch of guys from Harvard

spk_0 making fun of people with real jobs like cool.

spk_0 Oh, never thought of it like that.

spk_0 That's I mean, that's I love it.

spk_0 It's a brilliant show.

spk_0 It's like wouldn't it be funny if like people worked

spk_0 at like a paper company?

spk_0 Wouldn't it be funny if people like went to Chili's?

spk_0 Like my family, we just like go to Chili's.

spk_0 That was like I went to a mom talk over the summer

spk_0 and the kids are playing with like blue collar toys,

spk_0 but they'll never work a blue collar job in their lives.

spk_0 Yeah, and they work at like a fake like peach stand.

spk_0 Yeah, money laundering scheme.

spk_0 It's like a write off so that they are rich parents

spk_0 can say it's a working farm so they don't pay property tax.

spk_0 Yeah, it's exactly what it is.

spk_0 All of it.

spk_0 Yeah, I learned.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 That's how Bethany Franklin I first met.

spk_0 I tried to hand things and she came for me

spk_0 because I was just explaining that it's a money laundering scheme.

spk_0 It's fine.

spk_0 That's why the bio weapon of Lyme disease is there.

spk_0 Someone else was as annoyed as me.

spk_0 She's the mayor.

spk_0 So, okay, so you want to actually like script things

spk_0 and write things.

spk_0 Look, I know that pranking people and you know,

spk_0 talking on camera like live streaming is like,

spk_0 it's you guys are going to get sick of this right?

spk_0 Hey, can you guys like think about this before you talk?

spk_0 Script it is coming back.

spk_0 Yeah, I think so.

spk_0 I think people like actually can appreciate like a great show.

spk_0 Yeah, correct.

spk_0 I don't think that'll lose.

spk_0 What's your own new pocket list?

spk_0 That's it.

spk_0 So just great sitcom and that's it.

spk_0 Well, I mean, there's many things on the bucket list,

spk_0 but I thought we were doing one rapid fire style.

spk_0 Okay, sorry.

spk_0 Okay, no, what are we doing?

spk_0 So me, I do want the sitcom that I'm writing right now to happen.

spk_0 Rocking.

spk_0 That I'm writing, I'm not sure if I can tell where it is.

spk_0 I think a one grace I'm Elliott,

spk_0 may or may not be in it.

spk_0 So I want to do that sitcom.

spk_0 I want to have a farm.

spk_0 I want to live on a farm, not in California,

spk_0 maybe in California, I don't know.

spk_0 If I can figure out the property tax,

spk_0 Tharm scam I will, if I can be as smart as Megan Markle

spk_0 in due of fake jam, culture religion.

spk_0 You know that this is people like Megan Markle is,

spk_0 she realized that all this jam is just a ring and roll

spk_0 to not pay property tax.

spk_0 I don't know about Markle's jam.

spk_0 Can we, I don't know about her jam man.

spk_0 What is your first memory when you were a kid?

spk_0 I remember my parents were young when they had me

spk_0 out of wedlock.

spk_0 I'm a bastard.

spk_0 Also a mistake.

spk_0 Mm hmm.

spk_0 And we live in a throne.

spk_0 And now sitting in a throne.

spk_0 That's right, bitches.

spk_0 Motherfuckers, we here, we have a bride.

spk_0 What was that?

spk_0 I love it.

spk_0 That's your thing now.

spk_0 Clip it Pat.

spk_0 Clip it.

spk_0 That's my tag.

spk_0 Motherfuckers, we are here.

spk_0 We have arrived.

spk_0 I don't think I can do that.

spk_0 I like it.

spk_0 You can.

spk_0 You just feel a little like a box and went okay.

spk_0 It went okay.

spk_0 But no, my first memory, when I was a kid,

spk_0 we were, my mom and dad were living with my uncle.

spk_0 We all lived together in an apartment in Southeast.

spk_0 This is why we get along.

spk_0 We both lived in apartments.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And we, and I remember cutting a hole out of my feedie

spk_0 pajamas because, and I made it like out of my toe.

spk_0 And it, because I was too constrained.

spk_0 My first memory as a kid, no one is going to like this,

spk_0 but it was catching on fire.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 That will stick in your hippocampus.

spk_0 I really don't have a lot of memories from early childhood.

spk_0 And Kurt Metzger is trying to convince me

spk_0 that I was in that gateway program,

spk_0 which is like the gateway.

spk_0 You work in a podcast studio.

spk_0 You've heard comedians talk about this.

spk_0 Obviously, it's like when you were in some like CIA program

spk_0 where they brainwashed you as a kid.

spk_0 And how do you feel about believing that?

spk_0 I'm like, I might just also have been like zoned out.

spk_0 I was, my childhood was chaotic.

spk_0 Like I wasn't present for it.

spk_0 I checked out early.

spk_0 I started imagining myself on Oprah at like four or five.

spk_0 I was on another planet.

spk_0 I was, I saw a commercial and I was like, I want to do that.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Because I saw a commercial and that's where all the happy families

spk_0 were.

spk_0 I'm like, I'm going there.

spk_0 How do I, this is not for me?

spk_0 Y'all are a mess.

spk_0 Like I was disassisted.

spk_0 So I would just watch commercials all day and practice

spk_0 like how to eat.

spk_0 Like I would roll up like for like Oscar Meyer things

spk_0 and like practice eating.

spk_0 And I was just like, when I was in grocery stores,

spk_0 I would like wait for someone to like just like pick me.

spk_0 Like hey kid.

spk_0 That's a star.

spk_0 So that's it.

spk_0 So I would just like talk to strangers.

spk_0 Like I'm like, who's going to kidnap me and take me to Hollywood?

spk_0 So my family, whatever hot mess is,

spk_0 I thought we were rich because when your mom's a whino,

spk_0 like an alcoholic, like that drinks wine,

spk_0 you think you're like so rich.

spk_0 Like there was like white wine in the fridge.

spk_0 There was always like, I was like, we're like so fancy.

spk_0 It's a classy kind of alcohol.

spk_0 It's a classy kind of alcoholism.

spk_0 And I just thought that we were like so rich.

spk_0 And like the whole fridge isn't supposed to be white wine.

spk_0 Like I realized later, I was like, that's not.

spk_0 I learned from a commercial that that's not how the fridge

spk_0 rate was as well as I look.

spk_0 And so we never paid the bills.

spk_0 Like my dad just never paid electric bills and stuff like that.

spk_0 And so it was always freezing.

spk_0 I didn't think this was weird.

spk_0 I don't want this to sound sad,

spk_0 but I would turn on all of the fires on the,

spk_0 what is it called on the stove?

spk_0 Like a burst.

spk_0 And I would get dressed in between the burners.

spk_0 And I wore a very long shirt that was like worldwide life

spk_0 fund.

spk_0 I'm sure it's a scam.

spk_0 Now that I'm an adult, I look at all of these like funds

spk_0 in conservation societies.

spk_0 I'm like, okay, so they were traffic.

spk_0 And zebra's and kids.

spk_0 That's what you need to get into if you want to have a farm.

spk_0 Yeah, right.

spk_0 I know I'm working on it.

spk_0 And so it caught on fire.

spk_0 And I just remember completely catching on fire.

spk_0 And looking at it, like, have you ever been in like a situation

spk_0 like that lighting on fire as a child?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Let me talk to your dad.

spk_0 He would get it.

spk_0 No, I've also blocked some stuff out.

spk_0 Yeah, see, this is why I get along with your dad better.

spk_0 He's been electrocuted.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 He's had his character bill.

spk_0 My boy's Brad.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And so I remember going up like any of the near death experiences

spk_0 that I remember things getting really slow and just standing at it.

spk_0 Oh, wow.

spk_0 And I remember just being like, whoa, like this is such a wild way

spk_0 to go.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 I just remember, because I think if you didn't get a lot of attention

spk_0 as a kid, you're just like, I'm about to get so much attention.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I remember thinking that.

spk_0 Yeah, I mean, that is probably that makes sense.

spk_0 But wow, what a spectacle it has to be.

spk_0 Because when you're in that moment, nothing hurts.

spk_0 Like when my ear got bitten off, it didn't hurt.

spk_0 Like, what is serious pain your body?

spk_0 You know, it's like when you get your arm, you know, like when you

spk_0 hear armpit not by a shark, the girl who had her arm

spk_0 been up by a shark, she said it didn't hurt.

spk_0 Like your body floods oxytocin to the area so that you keep fighting

spk_0 to stay alive.

spk_0 So it didn't hurt.

spk_0 It only hurts like after.

spk_0 So I remember being like, how long should I let this go?

spk_0 Holy shit, kid.

spk_0 You know, like, I'm gonna, everyone's gonna want to talk to me at school.

spk_0 Like I just remember like the weird, I don't remember a lot of things

spk_0 as kids, but I remember going, that was a weird reaction to this.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like the second thought was like that first thought was spooky.

spk_0 I'm still stuck on you on fire.

spk_0 So you're on fire.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 How do you be on fire?

spk_0 Did you stop dropping roll?

spk_0 No, I just, I got down and I got off the, there was like a, what's it called?

spk_0 It's also that serial, I remember they were being like serial, so I would

spk_0 always like crawl on top of the, my parents weren't around a lot.

spk_0 When I do the math on these stories and I remember that I was talking

spk_0 the therapist around, they're like, wait, you had to crawl up to get,

spk_0 where was the adult?

spk_0

spk_0 Like there's never an adult in the story.

spk_0 I also took a, quailude when I was a year old crawling around.

spk_0 Oh, what?

spk_0 And I told her the story and it was so clearly the story that was told to me

spk_0 by my parents who were lying to me about what happened.

spk_0 I was like, oh no, it's like we went to the neighbor's house,

spk_0 who had had back surgery and there was, you know, like pink

spk_0 killers on the floor that had fallen and there was like, well, why would

spk_0 anyone with back surgery invite a toddler over the house?

spk_0 Like what are you talking about?

spk_0 Like it makes no sense.

spk_0 The things start adding up as an adult.

spk_0 Yeah, so when did you realize that like most of your truth was twisted?

spk_0 I mean, look, it's still unclear.

spk_0 And then I call my uncle and I'm like, what was the deal with me taking the,

spk_0 the sleeping pill?

spk_0 He said, oh, the quailude at the belly dancers house.

spk_0 I was like, mark.

spk_0 And then every person I ask, it gets worse and worse.

spk_0 So I'm like, I'm just going to lay off on asking like, let's just leave it

spk_0 at the bell, the quailude at the belly dancers house.

spk_0 Well, I'll tell you what, I meant to say, on my bucket list was a loot.

spk_0 You can't get your hands on them anymore.

spk_0 No loot.

spk_0 I'm sure has a couple loads.

spk_0 I'm sure you get your hand on a couple loads.

spk_0 I'm sure like craigslist maybe.

spk_0 But also, one more question about the lighting on fire.

spk_0 How old were you?

spk_0 I think I was like, seven, eight.

spk_0 Holy shit.

spk_0 Because I went to school.

spk_0 Did you have a burn?

spk_0 Yeah, I have, I still, I burned something side of my leg right up here.

spk_0 And I went because it was the, it was black, the nightgown,

spk_0 and it burned into the side.

spk_0 And my dad put Vaseline on it.

spk_0 Well, yeah, it's truly, you're not supposed to do that.

spk_0 You're at like, at all.

spk_0 No, you're supposed to let it breathe.

spk_0 Went to school and they were like, ah, so I think that's maybe when I got sent away.

spk_0 To live with my aunts.

spk_0 Um, yeah, that checks.

spk_0 That's a, that's a big red flag in the classroom community.

spk_0 I, I remember going to school and being like, this is like, I have such a cool story.

spk_0 Like, I'm really like, I'm like, I'm going to be very, yeah, dude.

spk_0 Like, I'm going to crush with this story.

spk_0 I can't die.

spk_0 And they were like, you need to go to the school council.

spk_0 I was like, but I'm gonna crush with this story.

spk_0 Um, always the mind of a comic.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 I'm like, can I go to the, can we call Charles services in like 20 minutes, please?

spk_0 And let me call them.

spk_0 I'll explain it.

spk_0 It's funnier when I say it.

spk_0 And we paused this program to talk about our, our sponsors.

spk_0 And I, if you're watching on YouTube, yes, I am in a hotel room.

spk_0 And so I'm not even going to read the copy because it's going to look so crazy to read

spk_0 off the computer.

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spk_0 Look, game day bingo.

spk_0 That is so good.

spk_0 Oh, look at this little side thing that holds a book on the side of a couch.

spk_0 It's genius.

spk_0 It's like the most genius, like life hack things.

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spk_0 No, it's a hedgehog that waters your flowers.

spk_0 Ah, look, do you see it?

spk_0 That is so cute.

spk_0 OK, I'm going to read the official copy, but I'm getting so excited.

spk_0 Look, garden of ghosts.

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spk_0 Ah, where is it?

spk_0 Hey, that was lucky.

spk_0 OK, let me get to the, this is real excitement and real deer joy coming from my heart.

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spk_0 Honestly, I look for gifts in the weirdest places.

spk_0 I like going to thrift stores and collecting gifts, like throughout the year.

spk_0 So I have really cool stuff to give people.

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spk_0 So what is something people do that drives you crazy?

spk_0 But if you said anything, it wouldn't make you the crazy one.

spk_0 I love this question.

spk_0 I don't know what mine is.

spk_0 I know I wrote these down, but I can do mine first of you.

spk_0 I did think about this one.

spk_0 People being late.

spk_0 Now listen to me.

spk_0 I believe when people are late, it's their way of being famous.

spk_0 I did not know where the studio was.

spk_0 I don't think you were late today.

spk_0 And I was a little bit late today.

spk_0 I was a little bit late today.

spk_0 Who cares?

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 So when people are late, you, you know, you know how to get there.

spk_0 You know how to get there on time.

spk_0 So you're an adrenaline addict.

spk_0 You want to be famous and you want to attention.

spk_0 And it's fine.

spk_0 I, I am all of those things too, but I don't bring someone else's time into it.

spk_0 So to me when someone is late, I'm like, I would literally rather you show up on time and spit in my face.

spk_0 Then be late.

spk_0 That's difficult.

spk_0 Steal my money.

spk_0 Steal, come take my wallet.

spk_0 Run out and never speak to me again.

spk_0 Steal something I can get back instead of my time, which I can't get back.

spk_0 And that's got to be hard living in New York because nobody gives a fuck about your time in New York.

spk_0 I mean, sorry.

spk_0 It's OK.

spk_0 In LA.

spk_0 So we'll zoom.

spk_0 We'll zoom.

spk_0 If you show up late at this point with me, there will spend the entire time talking about your time management issues.

spk_0 We will spend the entire time just a full job interview of if we can move forward as friends.

spk_0 Because like I'm just trying to, I'm trying to understand why you think your time is more important than when you show up late.

spk_0 You're basically just saying my time's more important than yours.

spk_0 And then I have to watch the performance for and if you show up with a hot Starbucks,

spk_0 you will have to drink the entire thing in front of me in while it's still hot.

spk_0 Drink it on one.

spk_0 Drink it.

spk_0 What's that you needed it?

spk_0 You needed this so bad.

spk_0 And now you're going to show up.

spk_0 Because there's no one else on the road.

spk_0 You think what do you think?

spk_0 I just took a helicopter here.

spk_0 You think that I wasn't in the same traffic as you?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You got to pull it together.

spk_0 Or you just, you want attention.

spk_0 You want me to pity you.

spk_0 You want me to, you want me to think you're busy.

spk_0 Ooh.

spk_0 What a twist.

spk_0 You want me to think you're busy.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Are you scheduled?

spk_0 It's like also when people text like why instead of yes, it's like, you know what?

spk_0 Like the letter why you take, you just don't text me at all.

spk_0 Text me when you have time to respond.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Throw my phone across the road.

spk_0 The letter why I'm not rushing you.

spk_0 Oh, I'm not rushing you.

spk_0 If you send me a text, here's the thing.

spk_0 What are these text full of typos where you just set fire off nine texts, fix it, nine

spk_0 text fix it, fit.

spk_0 Just read it before you send it.

spk_0 Take a gander at the text you just wrote.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Can you just fix it in emails?

spk_0 You don't you read, why do you reread an email before you send it?

spk_0 But not a text message.

spk_0 Can anyone just have a modicum of pride or dignity anymore?

spk_0 I get it.

spk_0 Someone cut me off.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I got to put my spell back on.

spk_0 You know, when it's just like a street, if someone just having a meltdown, just misspell, fix it.

spk_0 Misspell, fix it.

spk_0 Misspell, just do you even need me for this?

spk_0 That's just my mom.

spk_0 Well, that's fine.

spk_0 Mom says, okay.

spk_0 I'm like, oh, corn.

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 I meant porn.

spk_0 Every time she's over, I'm like, I know what you meant.

spk_0 She's like, oh, I'm just so dumb and elderly.

spk_0 My mom loves calling herself elderly.

spk_0 But she loves calling herself elderly for the reason at all.

spk_0 That's really funny.

spk_0 And she'll send grandma emoji when she messes up.

spk_0 What is it now?

spk_0 That thing that, what about you?

spk_0 I would say it drives me nuts when someone's like, oh, dude, I gotta tell you, oh, wait, I can't.

spk_0 And they really, they stand by it.

spk_0 I'm only asking one more time, like, do tell me.

spk_0 The big, no, I can't.

spk_0 Why not?

spk_0 Why can't they?

spk_0 Because they just want to see her see.

spk_0 Or it's a hot, hot, juicy, goss.

spk_0 And they have, they just can't.

spk_0 But why can't it?

spk_0 Why not?

spk_0 But why bring it up?

spk_0 No, I'm just trying to understand what their logic is.

spk_0 Oh, all of a sudden you have integrity after blueballing someone?

spk_0 Like, I mean, it's so pressed on your mind that you're, you tell someone that you're about to tell them something.

spk_0 But what is there?

spk_0 Are they trying to pretend to be a good person?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 You're going to tell, if you're saying, I can't tell you, it means you've told a couple of people already.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And you now need to stop the bleeding.

spk_0 You need someone to witness you not telling so that I'll be the person that goes, yeah, you didn't, she didn't tell me.

spk_0 She met her tongue.

spk_0 See, this is why you're so much smarter than me.

spk_0 That's like thinking three steps ahead.

spk_0 And I'm just thinking, wow, you just blueballed me though.

spk_0 That's it.

spk_0 That was that person is trying to stop the bleeding on a mess they already made and they're dragging you into it.

spk_0 So the thing goes to ask Grace the other day, I was like, I get,

spk_0 I didn't, I didn't.

spk_0 Now I'm part of a whole ploy too.

spk_0 And you didn't tell me the reason I love when people try to get points for doing what's expected of them as people.

spk_0 The right thing.

spk_0 It's like, it's so crazy.

spk_0 It's like my, it's my favorite thing now.

spk_0 It's like people, I think people mess up on purpose now just so they can apologize.

spk_0 What's like, well, no, you don't get points for a politician.

spk_0 You never should have done it in the first place.

spk_0 Yeah, you were already a bastard for that.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like you don't get points for having messed up and then having done the right doing the right thing by apologizing.

spk_0 It's not how the world works.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 So you don't get points for about to have told me and then not.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 I'm not walking away from the conversation being like, oh, what a saint.

spk_0 But yeah, you're garbage because you have already told a couple of people.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I never even thought of that.

spk_0 And you, this is again, this is how people feel like celebrities.

spk_0 Tell me, talk to me.

spk_0 Now, now you're on the, the star of a show.

spk_0 Now you're on the star of an interview.

spk_0 You're a walking page six.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And everyone's obsessed with you.

spk_0 But I, those, yeah, you're right.

spk_0 They're those are the people.

spk_0 That's why I won't ask more than one time because those are the people who are like, just tell me.

spk_0 Tell me if you asked again.

spk_0 Now they're on a red carpet.

spk_0 And they're a celebrity and we're like, tell us.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm not giving that to you.

spk_0 I'm a floor like that.

spk_0 And also my other thing is when people are so blatantly lying.

spk_0 It's like when you can just read between what someone's saying and it's like also in like a corporate sense of like,

spk_0 Oh, actually we cannot do that because this is, this is exactly why and they'll give you such a long explanation that it's so clearly made up.

spk_0 I like to wait.

spk_0 I like to just wait and like let people go and go and go because they're gonna slip.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And they're gonna admit something, you know, so it's like they'll go like, yeah, well, I can't work that way because we're closed on Mondays.

spk_0 And then and then you keep letting them go and they go, well on Monday, this happened.

spk_0 I'm like, well, I thought you were closed on Monday.

spk_0 Yeah, it's right there.

spk_0 And like, and then but like you're baffled like, oh,

spk_0 I must be an idiot.

spk_0 I don't think I can even understand what you're saying because I thought you were closed on Mondays.

spk_0 I guess I'm just the dumbest person alive.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And you say it all the time.

spk_0 People, people tell on themselves.

spk_0 They really do let them keep talking.

spk_0 You can't call someone out on a lie.

spk_0 No, you can't.

spk_0 You just can't.

spk_0 But like, but if it is right there, if it's someone's like teetering around something, I'll just like,

spk_0 let's cut it right here.

spk_0 Are we doing this or are we not?

spk_0 Yeah, I just lean into being the dumbest person alive.

spk_0 If someone treats me like I'm an idiot, I'm just like, okay, so.

spk_0 But then how does it?

spk_0 How do I?

spk_0 But then like, how does that?

spk_0 No, she used an actress.

spk_0 Yeah, I just I love it.

spk_0 I'm just because I then I'm like, oh, I get to sit here and watch a narcissist like in action.

spk_0 Think that everyone's an idiot.

spk_0 Like I'm obsessed with people think they're the smartest people alive.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 And we're all such idiots that like,

spk_0 I'm like, I'm just go babe.

spk_0 Yeah, it is a show.

spk_0 It's got to be exhausting.

spk_0 Like it must be hard to be you.

spk_0 Like how do you even manage being this smart when everyone else is just like a drooling fool?

spk_0 Also, do you want me to take the tag off your shirt?

spk_0 I just mean like, like people like that always have some glaring stupid thing.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Also your shoes untied.

spk_0 I almost look.

spk_0 You know what I mean?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Obsessed.

spk_0 Here we go.

spk_0 What's your deathbed meal?

spk_0 What a house cryptic.

spk_0 So like I couldn't think of what the right way to word this is.

spk_0 Like your last meal ever.

spk_0 I guess it's I guess it's really childish.

spk_0 You're like, what's your favorite food?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I can tell you exactly what it is.

spk_0 I was on a layover in Germany.

spk_0 Germany, fake country.

spk_0 It's a fake.

spk_0 The whole thing's fake.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 I don't get it.

spk_0 I was in the German airport in Frankfurt and there's planes had clown stripes on them.

spk_0 Like it's a they are trying so hard to not be Germany that it's just also spoke

spk_0 smoking lounge opaque with smoke.

spk_0 Oh,

spk_0 opaque smoking lounge in the airport.

spk_0 I love that in America.

spk_0 We're like trying to live forever and everyone's like, I'm going to starve myself and wake up at 2 a.m.

spk_0 And jumping in ice bath and live forever.

spk_0 And they're just like, when is this going to be over?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 It's a great descriptive way of saying it.

spk_0 Oh, it was just pictured it.

spk_0 It was I thought it was a curtain.

spk_0 And I was like, oh, why would they like hot?

spk_0 And then it was just like, I opened the door.

spk_0 It was just boom.

spk_0 I was like, what are you doing?

spk_0 We're smoking.

spk_0 Yeah, kind of look like an oven.

spk_0 So I know.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 I want to have there though a Magnum.

spk_0 Don't know why they call it this again, Germany.

spk_0 You guys just cannot be serious people.

spk_0 Magnum ice cream bars.

spk_0 Do you know about these?

spk_0 They have a double like cherry chocolate ice cream bar.

spk_0 I had four in a row in the airport.

spk_0 And that stinks only because that's not something you can bring home with you.

spk_0 I feed I they have raspberry in New York.

spk_0 I will find them.

spk_0 I mean, I find them.

spk_0 It was like it was food.

spk_0 I'm always like, ah, whatever.

spk_0 Don't like lived to eat eat to live like I who cares?

spk_0 Like I have eating disorders for so long.

spk_0 You're just like food is like, ah, like you just want to get over with.

spk_0 I was like, I wasn't on my phone.

spk_0 I was just sitting there eating this ice cream.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Never been happier.

spk_0 Four of them.

spk_0 So good.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 I don't even have jokes for this.

spk_0 I just want to be the face of Magnum.

spk_0 Oh, popsicle.

spk_0 Yeah, I was going to say I'm clear five.

spk_0 They know, but they also are big chocolate phallic things.

spk_0 And I was like, I don't know how to break it to you guys, but throw next

spk_0 L on there and make it smaller.

spk_0 It's a giant Magnum chocolate phallus.

spk_0 What's your favorite food?

spk_0 It's a stick.

spk_0 That's what I've got.

spk_0 So I've got the opposite eating disorder where I eat too much.

spk_0 It's called the the binging.

spk_0 I just had eight four popsicles.

spk_0 Well, you did say from from having.

spk_0 What is it?

spk_0 What did I really just say?

spk_0 I used to have binging too.

spk_0 And then I would go to the gym for like three hours.

spk_0 I would binge protein bars that were so like viscous and hard that I wouldn't

spk_0 be able to move.

spk_0 Oh, shit.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So I do I do the binge kind of thing and I just eat and eat.

spk_0 So food I live for food.

spk_0 That's actually kind of my thing.

spk_0 And so I can't really pinpoint what my last meal would be.

spk_0 My sisters and I try to talk about this one time.

spk_0 And my other sister just kept listing off things.

spk_0 It was so funny.

spk_0 Like we were all just looking around waiting for her to stop.

spk_0 She was like, yeah.

spk_0 And also we I got to get like, well, I don't know, like crack a jacks.

spk_0 That'd be good.

spk_0

spk_0 She just like, I'm adding random shit.

spk_0 We're like, we said one thing.

spk_0 She was like, oh, I thought it was a meal.

spk_0 You know, I also have a hot take candy corn.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 I love candy corn and Cadbury cream eggs.

spk_0 The ones you got.

spk_0 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 I'm now kind of going like, ooh, it would probably be something like

spk_0 churros too.

spk_0 You black licorice girl too.

spk_0 You got me good.

spk_0 Yeah, that's correct.

spk_0 And I'm correct.

spk_0 If you're a red licorice person, fine.

spk_0 Enjoy your life skipping around in your sketchers because you're that guy.

spk_0 No way.

spk_0 No, they're all.

spk_0 Oh, I got.

spk_0 But they feel like who guys are kind of fancy sketches.

spk_0 Yeah, they're just like, they're tricking us.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Who goes, they've sent me a couple who goes, what's the, what's the hook?

spk_0 What's the host?

spk_0 They're the host.

spk_0 I've had to come for, does your generation need like what?

spk_0 How comfortable are you guys going to get?

spk_0 You get to wear pajamas all day.

spk_0 You had to sleep over.

spk_0 You had a sleepover party for four years in the pandemic.

spk_0 The food comes to you.

spk_0 The Uber picks you up.

spk_0 Like how comfortable are you guys going to get?

spk_0 We're not very comfortable with the world's ending.

spk_0 I mean,

spk_0 we're just enjoying ourselves while we're here.

spk_0 Do you have the best advice you've ever gotten?

spk_0 Um, my best advice I've ever gotten actually was Theo.

spk_0 From Theo.

spk_0 Yeah, he said, he said, don't take anyone's advice.

spk_0 Do you think that's good advice?

spk_0 I thought it was hilarious.

spk_0 He goes, can I, can I give you a piece of advice?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And I was like, yeah, of course you go, don't take anyone's advice,

spk_0 which I guess culturedicks my advice.

spk_0 Because like the whole thing and I was like, that's not the,

spk_0 to like just put a labyrinth in your head.

spk_0 It was like, there's no reason.

spk_0 I was like, so what should I do?

spk_0 Hey, Theo, can you not talk in riddles for five minutes?

spk_0 It's, it feels like it was under a bridge.

spk_0 Theo, Theo will say, yeah, were you like at the,

spk_0 do you have a pot of gold with the end of a rainbow?

spk_0 Like Theo will say something and you're like, that's the most genius thing I've ever heard.

spk_0 And then a year later, you'll be like, wait, hold on.

spk_0 Because at the time that was genius.

spk_0 Now I'm saying it a lot.

spk_0 I'm like, brain and a knot.

spk_0 That's not it.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Best advice you've ever gotten.

spk_0 I like those advice.

spk_0 I think it's, make sure the person you're getting advice from has the life you want.

spk_0 Don't take advice from someone who doesn't have the life you want.

spk_0 So hey, Theo, I take advice from you because you know, it's like, don't take advice

spk_0 about being married from single people.

spk_0 Don't take advice about being single from married people.

spk_0 You know, and then I think don't take advice about dating, what to do with a guy from a girl.

spk_0 And don't take advice about what to do with a girl from a guy.

spk_0 Like when my guy friends ask their homies, they're like, what should I do about

spk_0 this girl I'm dating?

spk_0 I'm like, what do you, what?

spk_0 You guys are all throwing.

spk_0 Yeah, you're asking the guy who got kicked off Bumble.

spk_0 And then we're straining order.

spk_0 We just all kind of lost that onto the rug.

spk_0 I always say to my guy friends, just ask me for advice on what to do.

spk_0 That's totally fair.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 With the girls that you're dating.

spk_0 That's, I mean, that's good advice in itself.

spk_0 I'm like, don't do any of the things you think you're going to do.

spk_0 Was that, do you think that would be your advice?

spk_0 My advice, oh, my advice for, oh, oh, yeah, that good advice that I got.

spk_0 This is a very simple piece of advice that I got that I applied to everything.

spk_0 And sometimes I'm like, oh, there's some caveats to this.

spk_0 But in personal relationships, in work relationships, the hard things can be hard,

spk_0 but the easy things shouldn't be hard.

spk_0 When the easy things are hard, that's when there's something wrong.

spk_0 So I was dealing with like, in a work situation, I don't know if you've ever had

spk_0 to work with someone who maybe was being tricky with the easy things.

spk_0 Don't go addressed.

spk_0 It turns into a blowout.

spk_0 Why got the easy things so hard like, you want to do a two?

spk_0 Let's do it to two.

spk_0 Next day, can we do it a 12?

spk_0 Sure will do it.

spk_0 This should be scheduling the thing you love more than anything should be easy.

spk_0 Picking a time should be easy.

spk_0 I think you're just trying to be in the power position.

spk_0 Yeah, there's an underlying issue that's much larger.

spk_0 You're saying in any relationship, the easy things can't be.

spk_0 So like in my relationship, the hard things are hard as they should be,

spk_0 but the easy things are not hard with Chris at all.

spk_0 Yeah, I'd be because if the easy things are hard, what are we doing?

spk_0 Yeah, what's the point?

spk_0 Yeah, totally.

spk_0 And I'm checking my luggage.

spk_0 I'm always going to check my luggage.

spk_0 Is this a fight?

spk_0 Just for everyone out there, I'm always going to check my luggage.

spk_0 And if you ever have a problem with it, I, you know what?

spk_0 You're, you're dirty.

spk_0 How about that?

spk_0 The people, they're like, I never check.

spk_0 I'm like, okay, back away slowly and disinfect yourself because you have athletes

spk_0 a foot.

spk_0 Okay, I used to never check and I'm like, no, no, now I have ringworm.

spk_0 I bring my stuff.

spk_0 I bring my dial soap.

spk_0 I bring my Loufa thing that has fingers in it.

spk_0 So you get the crevices.

spk_0 I'm washing myself if I'm in Vegas for two hours.

spk_0 Yeah, I will check my luggage.

spk_0 Biggest egg you've ever gotten while seeing someone.

spk_0 Is it good?

spk_0 I went on a date, one of one of the three dates I've ever been on.

spk_0 And as soon as I got there, Homeboy ordered champagne at a dye far for both of us.

spk_0 That is so funny.

spk_0 Dude, and if it was part of a joke, it would have been funny, but he was so dead serious.

spk_0 I was like, I want to leave right now for me ordered for me.

spk_0 Champagne for the lady.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 If he's Armenian, like that's the same.

spk_0 I said comedian.

spk_0 I mean, it was the Armenian.

spk_0 Is this an Armenian?

spk_0 Armenians are as funny as any comedian.

spk_0 But who what what what was this person?

spk_0 A Joe Shmo.

spk_0 Champagne is such a trash move.

spk_0 The nicest champagne at a dive bar.

spk_0 And we're sitting on a sidewalk.

spk_0 It's actually really funny.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 If he knew what he was doing, if that was a joke, like I think I'm going to start pulling that.

spk_0 That's hilarious.

spk_0 One time I went on I went out with a guy three months longer than I should have because on our first date,

spk_0 he ordered me milk.

spk_0 That's hilarious.

spk_0 That's so funny.

spk_0 I went to the bathroom and I came back and there was a glass of milk and I was like, that is so funny.

spk_0 That's really good.

spk_0 So what like did you just did you drink it?

spk_0 Um, I did.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 He wanted you to have a headache.

spk_0 I have lost.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Well, well, here's the other thing.

spk_0 So this is a terrible story because I thought he had a I thought he was really, really drunk because he said he went to the Yankees game beforehand.

spk_0 And he was a little drunk.

spk_0 And so I said it on a podcast.

spk_0 I said, yeah, this guy, he was hammered.

spk_0 Well, he ended up hitting me up and said, uh, he has a speech impediment.

spk_0 So do I.

spk_0 And so I look like an ass.

spk_0 You know what?

spk_0 I have a speech impediment.

spk_0 I don't tell people when they get me on that.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

spk_0 I tell them any.

spk_0 So that's when people are like, say that I say things like for no reason, like, uh, ancestral trauma, stuff like that.

spk_0 I never say it when it would embarrass somebody.

spk_0 So I say it a lot so people know because I don't want them to get embarrassed.

spk_0 Like I would never say like, why have a speech impediment to someone when I'm talking to them and have it and it comes up.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know, yeah.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And this is why everyone thinks I'm on drugs.

spk_0 Because I when they say that, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not slurring.

spk_0 I just like, literally, I don't want to embarrass them.

spk_0 So I just let them say like whatever they want.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 So what's your biggest?

spk_0 I've gotten while seeing someone.

spk_0 I mean, telling me, well, um, telling me that they were going home to see their family and then seeing a plane ticket that was going to the Bahamas with some NFL players is that was definitely a big

spk_0 I think.

spk_0 Um, let me think.

spk_0 So you think there was sexual relations with these NFL players?

spk_0 Was he gay?

spk_0 What am I asking?

spk_0 I suppose.

spk_0 By the way, anyone who dates me is gay.

spk_0 So I, it's, you know what I mean?

spk_0 It's that's just the deal.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's, I'm just, I was made a lot for gay men to study.

spk_0 I'm a little proud.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I am trying to think what else?

spk_0 Uh, things to give me the I.

spk_0 Um, look, I just, if you're going to wear bracelets,

spk_0 um, you know, it better be like, like your brother has the cancer of the charity that the bracelets for.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And I'm going to need a death certificate.

spk_0 You know what I mean?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's, or it's like, it's, again, funny.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like, I just want to see how long I can wear bracelets before you would say something and you haven't.

spk_0 That's so weird.

spk_0 And I'd be like, dude, that's so funny.

spk_0 And then he says, look here.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like a friend of mine got proposed to and her guy got her like a ring that's like

spk_0 comically tiny.

spk_0 Just a made her sweat it out.

spk_0 Oh, wait, that's really good.

spk_0 Just to see how long and she, she really loved.

spk_0 And it was like two weeks and then gave her the real one that she had like,

spk_0 designed and a whole thing.

spk_0 But like, but she did after two weeks.

spk_0 She was like, oh, we didn't design one together.

spk_0 I mean, I just curious like was that just for no reason.

spk_0 And he was like, she finally snapped, you know?

spk_0 Because he had, she had no posted on Instagram.

spk_0 Like, nothing.

spk_0 He's like, how can we have him posted on Instagram?

spk_0 Like that we're in.

spk_0 Oh, she didn't even bother.

spk_0 Oh my god, that's so funny.

spk_0 But he like made her sweat it out, which is so I love stuff like that.

spk_0 But actual it's a good testament.

spk_0 Like they'll they'll stay together.

spk_0 Phone on the table.

spk_0 Phone on the table on the table.

spk_0 Just like.

spk_0 Yeah, especially if it's like a lighten up with hinge notifications.

spk_0 But also like, I don't.

spk_0 I know I'm.

spk_0 I can compete with that phone.

spk_0 I'm not on a triple date with Siri.

spk_0 Yeah, you're like, you're competing with this.

spk_0 And I'm like, if you can't go an hour and a half without looking at your phone,

spk_0 you're not successful enough.

spk_0 My dream man has a pager dude.

spk_0 That's what I'm saying.

spk_0 That's a power move.

spk_0 All-time favorite pop culture moment.

spk_0 That's a good one.

spk_0 I have a lot.

spk_0 One of them is actually recent.

spk_0 When Mariah Carey said she doesn't believe in time.

spk_0 Mariah Carey just bangs out these iconic

spk_0 memes and moments.

spk_0 I mean, her saying I don't know her.

spk_0 I mean, that's like.

spk_0 This woman does not care.

spk_0 I'm like, we spend all this time trying to

spk_0 seem with it.

spk_0 And together and this she's just on another planet.

spk_0 And I'm just so happy for her.

spk_0 Have you ever seen her?

spk_0 Oh, so you guys don't want to talk about 9-11?

spk_0 She stopped her whole concert.

spk_0 You guys don't want to talk about 9-11?

spk_0 Like no, we're in a concert.

spk_0 What was the day she went to another planet?

spk_0 Like there was a day.

spk_0 Yeah, I've been so worried about Alvar Levine.

spk_0 It was really Mariah Carey.

spk_0 That's why she needs so much time in between Christmas.

spk_0 That's so fun.

spk_0 But there was a moment where she was like, oh, I've graduated from reality.

spk_0 Or was it gradual?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 We don't see her.

spk_0 Besides it's the month of December.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So I mean, I don't know what she's doing in her spare time.

spk_0 She doesn't believe in time.

spk_0 Oh, that's the thing.

spk_0 So there's no, every say, you know, it's like, this is where, see, this is, you don't get it.

spk_0 You don't get it.

spk_0 There's no time.

spk_0 She's right also.

spk_0 Which is crazy.

spk_0 But as a person, peep by time,

spk_0 imagine what, what, what, what do you do?

spk_0 Alvar, by the way, it's not easy, baby.

spk_0 I have to, I have to live with the duality that there is no such thing as time.

spk_0 But if you are late, you have taken the only thing from me, I can't.

spk_0 You have to stand on business and then also make sure the business goes down.

spk_0 It's hard being me.

spk_0 It is hard being me.

spk_0 And just know if I am ever late, I will say, well, time's not real.

spk_0 Okay, I'm going to probably have more about what about you.

spk_0 What was the question that pop culture moment?

spk_0 What about does that count as one?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Totally.

spk_0 I mean, everything she does is insane.

spk_0 I will say, I'm a big fan of John Tabolter.

spk_0 Adele DeZ.

spk_0 Have you ever seen that one?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 That one's classic.

spk_0 He fully fucked that up.

spk_0 Have you seen the video of him in Olivia Newton-John singing, I'm coming home?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 They did a little ditty together, like a little Christmas song.

spk_0 Is there like, Greece reunion?

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Which I love that in Greece, everyone, the actors are truly 45.

spk_0 Just like playing teenagers.

spk_0 And I, I didn't, I never knew that Rizzo got knocked up.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I didn't watch that back as an adult.

spk_0 I'm like, oh, that's what they meant by it broke.

spk_0 That's a whole thing.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I had no idea.

spk_0 Wild.

spk_0 I thought they were talking about the Magnum Pup schools.

spk_0 And they say like, they say like, oh, they don't let women over 40 on TV and movies.

spk_0 Yeah, they do.

spk_0 They were just playing teenagers.

spk_0 Mm-hmm.

spk_0 If that's not progressive, I don't know what it is.

spk_0 We gotta go back.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 They all had like a limp and like a bad knee.

spk_0 Popping perks in the back.

spk_0 So it's so wild.

spk_0 I don't know what Scientology does, dude, your brain.

spk_0 But he is shooting this in his private airport.

spk_0 And in his private plane.

spk_0 Like, thinking we'd all just be like, look, it's more their name,

spk_0 Sandian Danny.

spk_0 Oh, yeah, Danny.

spk_0 It was Danny, right?

spk_0 It was Sandian Danny.

spk_0 There they are.

spk_0 It's like, no, that's John Travolta's Scientology airport in Calabassus.

spk_0 This is all fucking in for.

spk_0 It's so crazy.

spk_0 That's so crazy.

spk_0 Yeah, I will send you this video.

spk_0 It is.

spk_0 I love a totally not tone deaf,

spk_0 but something that is so,

spk_0 that shows that someone is so gone, but happy.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 By the way, kind of obsessed with Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson showing the boo

spk_0 because it's harder and harder to believe that wasn't on purpose.

spk_0 The older you get, it's harder and harder to believe.

spk_0 Yeah, that was iconic.

spk_0 And she was ready.

spk_0 Like, she was ready to go.

spk_0 There were so many things about it.

spk_0 Like, why did the top even do that?

spk_0 Why was that even a feature?

spk_0 Yeah, I've never seen a top like that.

spk_0 No, I've seen that.

spk_0 And why did she have the piercing if she knew it was going to be covered?

spk_0 That piercing or whatever it was would be very uncomfortable to have under a

spk_0 corset, unless it was going to come out.

spk_0 Why would you be ready?

spk_0 Why would you be nipple ready?

spk_0 I saw something the other day that Michael Jackson was stinky.

spk_0 I am so sick of you guys coming for Michael Jackson.

spk_0 Truly the greatest entertainer of our time.

spk_0 I, someone said he had a stank.

spk_0 This is my favorite exercise.

spk_0 I was trying to defend Michael Jackson.

spk_0 Have you seen this is it?

spk_0 This is it.

spk_0 It's a documentary about Michael Jackson doing his last show that never happened.

spk_0 Have you seen the other documentary?

spk_0 Uh, you know what?

spk_0 They pulled it for I can't because they pulled it from HBO.

spk_0 It's too traumatized.

spk_0 Why did they pull it?

spk_0 Hmm?

spk_0

spk_0 These boys didn't want this story.

spk_0 That's it was so accurate.

spk_0 Oh, but it's so accurate.

spk_0 Why are we these 50 year old men?

spk_0 Fly around like vultures.

spk_0 40 years later, bragging that they got to hook up with Michael Jackson.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 You know, I lost in the move.

spk_0 Lost in the rebrand.

spk_0 You get it.

spk_0 You lose yourself.

spk_0

spk_0 You lose the cracks.

spk_0 Look, honestly, this is it.

spk_0 Change me as a performer.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 You see how good you see how good of an entertainer.

spk_0 He is he's dancing like in the show and they had to get people to dance with him on stage.

spk_0 He's got like 50 of the best dancers in the world behind him.

spk_0 And they're like trying to do what he's doing that he's doing so effortlessly in the

spk_0 they're trying to keep up.

spk_0 They cannot.

spk_0 It is wild watch.

spk_0 Like you don't realize this is why I'm obsessed with the 13th lane in the Olympics.

spk_0 No, I didn't know this about you.

spk_0 Okay, so you know when you're watching people run in the Olympics and you're like,

spk_0 that sounds like that fast.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 They don't seem like they're that fast because they're all next to super fast people.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 13th lane.

spk_0 Some guy.

spk_0 Just a random guy.

spk_0 Just come on text.

spk_0 Oh, that'd be great.

spk_0 Or by the way, your fitness friend.

spk_0 They're even Goggins, frankly.

spk_0 That'd be huge.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 And I go, whoa, I can tell how fast they are now.

spk_0 Yeah, we need reference.

spk_0 That's it.

spk_0 Reference.

spk_0 Absolutely.

spk_0 This episode is brought to you by square.

spk_0 Okay, so square.

spk_0 We use when we sell the merch.

spk_0 It is the easiest.

spk_0 But like if I can use it, truly anyone can use it.

spk_0 So if you've checked out somewhere and it's been like fast and easy,

spk_0 that means it was square.

spk_0 That's the only way to not have to say it.

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spk_0 At square.com slash geo slash Whitney.

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spk_0 Stop being a silly goose.

spk_0 Get started today.

spk_0 Haven't drank in a month.

spk_0 Hmm.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 How do you feel?

spk_0 It's, it's thanks.

spk_0 I feel great.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 My set's so much better like I'll like everything.

spk_0 It's just everything's so much better.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 You mean you like have a memory?

spk_0 You're like a I'm like on fire.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I mean like I'm like like people like wow you really seem like you're in it now.

spk_0 Like wow what what the hell was I doing?

spk_0 Well you know what else and this is going to be me appealing to people's workaholism

spk_0 to get you to curb your alcoholism which is that

spk_0 when you stop drinking or doing your thing that anesthetizes you,

spk_0 you need to find another thing to get you that hit.

spk_0 So you'll work even harder at stand-up to get that applause break now.

spk_0 And then you'll get a healthy addiction.

spk_0 Yeah and that's where I'm kind of right now and it is just a break but

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's how these things start.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Real quick.

spk_0 I'm not going to know yours but you're going to know

spk_0 maybe we just ask.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Guess the answer for the favorite favorite food.

spk_0 Favorite food?

spk_0 Magnum Popsicles.

spk_0 Boston baked beans.

spk_0 What is yours?

spk_0 Pasta.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Oh but that's apple.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 A plus.

spk_0 Longest relationship.

spk_0 Four years.

spk_0 I'm guessing four Whitney.

spk_0 What is this for me?

spk_0 Four for me.

spk_0 I think it's like three and a half.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I know that.

spk_0 But I mean I was I mentally there for I mean I was mentally there for maybe like two months.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yours.

spk_0 You always say you've never been in one.

spk_0 Ding ding ding ding ding ding.

spk_0 Trick question.

spk_0 Lucky.

spk_0 Okay hit and talent.

spk_0 Hit and talent.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 Feel like you bake.

spk_0 That's interesting.

spk_0 I'm very good at cooking.

spk_0 Not baking.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I thought it was like one or the other.

spk_0 It's like baking requires patience.

spk_0 I'm very good at cooking but because it's just like a southern like you just put everything on a skillet.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's not like a we don't ever think anyone could cook by the way.

spk_0 Truly anyone.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 But like you just it's like you put everything on one skillet.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm trying to learn how to cook.

spk_0 I'm really good at cooking because I also use an amount of butter that is

spk_0 shocking when you see it.

spk_0 But that is why it's so good.

spk_0 Well yeah.

spk_0 Butter makes everything delicious.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 My guys like this is I mean like truly a half a stick of butter for anything I make.

spk_0 Just entry point.

spk_0 You I feel like you are good at like a some kind of bar game like pool or darts or like there's

spk_0 something that's like the superpower of someone who's been in bars a lot.

spk_0 You know like I'm obsessed with the superpowers convenience have.

spk_0 I always know what time it is.

spk_0 Oh yeah.

spk_0 I always know what I know I always don't have much time has elapsed.

spk_0 Not that it doesn't exist.

spk_0 But when it does because I have to pretend it does for money on stage I always know how much time is

spk_0 lots and I always know where someone's from.

spk_0 Oh wow.

spk_0 It's you can always put it together.

spk_0 I'm like are you from Denmark and I like how do you know that I'm like there's you've been doing this

spk_0 and I always know what someone has drank.

spk_0 I'm like that's tequila.

spk_0 I'm like that's tequila energy.

spk_0 That's gin energy.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 It's just once you've been doing like you know clubs for longer.

spk_0 Yeah no that's true.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like before it's hard work before everyone was on their best behavior and crowd work because

spk_0 they like wanted to get in your video and it's just chaos like you had to learn

spk_0 stuff like that and I grew up without calling it back.

spk_0 I feel like you have one of those.

spk_0 I think I think I could uh well what I was going to say was I could do this.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yeah so no one can ever do it but um I guess I can read people pretty good.

spk_0 I love that.

spk_0 I can read people pretty good.

spk_0 That's like a real normal hidden talent.

spk_0 But is that also kind of like a Boston thing?

spk_0 Yeah I could I could I think more of it is I can see a phony in my lower

spk_0 but you have to keep that don't change that.

spk_0 No no.

spk_0 Because I had that and then I lost it because with what I do for living you have to pretend

spk_0 people are different than they actually are and you have to be nice to people who are

spk_0 monsters so I kind of was just like no that and then I would make excuses by I would go to therapy

spk_0 and then get the reasons they were like that to then do like oh no they're just hurt.

spk_0 Oh they're just scared.

spk_0 Oh no they're just fake because they're insecure about who they are.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And then I started doing all that and then I was like no bye bye bye bye bye.

spk_0 Yeah it's easy to get lost because like then then you like but also you like empathetic

spk_0 because you have to be around so many people who are like that for every job is.

spk_0

spk_0 But like I sort of corrected too far the other direction.

spk_0 Interesting yeah and like made excuses for people or whatever.

spk_0 Yeah no I like I have to call it out.

spk_0 I can't just keep it in.

spk_0 Yes that thing.

spk_0 That's my problem.

spk_0 I'm with you I am now at the point where I'm going you know what it's not my job to tell you.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Because you're not going to hear it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 From you know what I mean I used to be that person.

spk_0 I used to be like oh I just I want to make sure that I don't know what's going on

spk_0 but I just want to make sure like I'm not making you feel like you have to be fake.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like you don't have to perform for me.

spk_0 We don't have to do the dance.

spk_0 I do that and then people like what and I'm like oh I guess we were.

spk_0 Oh you like yeah.

spk_0 You being you.

spk_0 Yeah I guess.

spk_0 And it's like there's such a bottom out because we just caught the bulls' day time out.

spk_0 I say all the time I'm like we don't have to do this.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You do say that.

spk_0 We don't have to do this.

spk_0 Like I think I'm liberating someone for I also say I don't do small talk and I don't

spk_0 do hugs if you're if I'm in LA if I've seen you every night for the past month.

spk_0 We don't need to hug again.

spk_0 Like who oh I love who would play you in a movie.

spk_0 I'm going to go.

spk_0 You I'm going to go you you play me just as who was that.

spk_0 Oh lies.

spk_0 Yes lies.

spk_0

spk_0 You know what lies.

spk_0 It's all popped up on pounds.

spk_0 Just you being like I'm when you come and like that.

spk_0 Like just.

spk_0 Whitney she was an old song.

spk_0 You play me as Liza Manelli.

spk_0 I'm great.

spk_0 I'm playing Liza as Whitney.

spk_0 No you're Whitney.

spk_0 Why you just do your Liza impression.

spk_0 Oh perfect.

spk_0 I love that.

spk_0 You should be an SNL and you have that impression but you you're like my Rudolph like every

spk_0 person you say you are is the same impression which is so funny.

spk_0 I prefer when people do impressions that are more like how the person comes off

spk_0 than actually sounds.

spk_0 Yeah that is good.

spk_0 Like if I was like pack the cat.

spk_0 The having yeah I'm grace like that is fun and then nailing it.

spk_0 It's crushed it.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 No I think I think your answer would be yourself.

spk_0 I don't think I should play myself.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I think it should be like Jeremy Piven and a wig.

spk_0 I like stuff that's more like matches the energy.

spk_0 Like member of Louis Anderson played the mom of Zach Alphanakis in baskets with just a wig.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know this right?

spk_0 Dude look up Louis Anderson as Zach Alphanakis's mom in baskets.

spk_0 Basically they were trying to cast it trying to cast it.

spk_0 Basically Louis Anderson and they just put Louis in a wig.

spk_0 Wait.

spk_0 And you should be played by like Christus Stefano.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Do you know what I'm saying?

spk_0 Yeah the pivots create there.

spk_0 It's just a funny like the the um positivity is there.

spk_0 It's really funny to think about.

spk_0 The unrelenting just like down for whateverness.

spk_0 You know favorite genre of music yours is your all.

spk_0 Is it is it?

spk_0 Wait.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 Don't even tell me what it's called.

spk_0 You call it brain smoothing music.

spk_0 What is it?

spk_0 It's in elevators.

spk_0 It's literally what you listen to in elevators.

spk_0 It's like music.

spk_0 Do you know music is it's like the fake music they play in hotels.

spk_0 So you don't have to license real music.

spk_0 It has no lyrics.

spk_0 It's um

spk_0 Ru you got me into it.

spk_0 Annoyingly.

spk_0 It's like for Russian men that live in LA now.

spk_0 Rufus Del Sol.

spk_0 EDM.

spk_0 No I know.

spk_0 I was I was so against it.

spk_0 All my whole life.

spk_0 Induant because lyrics are very distracting to me.

spk_0 I just don't understand.

spk_0 It feels like totally different instruments.

spk_0 It feels like there's like it's very computer-y.

spk_0 Yeah no it is.

spk_0 That's the whole thing.

spk_0 Oh it's electric.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Electric.

spk_0 Like there's no like real instruments.

spk_0 It feels like it's like a video game that just won't turn off.

spk_0 Yeah it really gets me all fired up.

spk_0 Yeah there's something about it.

spk_0 It's good background music.

spk_0 It is it is.

spk_0 Yeah you were playing it when we were in Chicago and I was just like

spk_0 am I going insane?

spk_0 As the same song been playing for two days.

spk_0 And then she said she was like I actually kind of like these guys.

spk_0 Well because then I was like I'm going to do a bit making fun of this.

spk_0 And then I listened to Rufus Del Soul.

spk_0 And there's a song called The Life You Wanted.

spk_0 And it just like it's called This Is The Life You Wanted.

spk_0 And I was like this is the life I wanted.

spk_0 Yeah it's like a it's like a trance.

spk_0 Yes it's like a cult.

spk_0 It brainwashed me to being grateful for my life.

spk_0 Straight up.

spk_0 Did you see people got trampled at his show?

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 I didn't but I did see that Kevin Hart was listening to them.

spk_0 He went to one of their concerts with glasses on so you know he was doing drugs.

spk_0 Is that what it is?

spk_0 Oh like sunglasses.

spk_0 Okay yours would be pop.

spk_0 My favorite music is pop.

spk_0 Or rock.

spk_0 What is rock?

spk_0 Rock and roll.

spk_0 Who can move baby?

spk_0 Maybe one person that is a rock guy.

spk_0 I'm Benson Boone all the way.

spk_0 That's pop.

spk_0 If that's not your next special title I hate your guys.

spk_0 That's pop.

spk_0 Okay I love corny.

spk_0 Music.

spk_0 I love like going through a divorce in a

spk_0 one of the cars that don't have a talk convertible.

spk_0 Oh lady twang.

spk_0 I love lady twang.

spk_0 I love a pink.

spk_0 I love a Cheryl Crow.

spk_0 I love a like I love a just let's do this.

spk_0 Yeah it is good.

spk_0 I'm not gonna like

spk_0 then my life's so hard.

spk_0 I'm done with NEPO babies thinking their life is hard

spk_0 and making music.

spk_0 Why are you bumming me out?

spk_0 Yeah I mean your life's too pretty.

spk_0 You know what else?

spk_0 You have to compete with silence.

spk_0 And I am when I tell you my

spk_0 nanny who works in my son not my I don't have a personal one for me.

spk_0 Yeah she said what she was like do you just not play music like in the house?

spk_0 And I was like

spk_0 That's a crazy thing to to notice.

spk_0 I was like

spk_0 Huh

spk_0 Did you ever think about that?

spk_0 Well then it wouldn't be like you couldn't like hear a needle drop.

spk_0 You wouldn't be able to like hear just footsteps you know like how would you

spk_0 Why would you but if there's a ghost you can just drown it out like don't you want to hear I need to

spk_0 Hear if the coyotes are like I need silences like my kink silent.

spk_0 Wow I drive in silence

spk_0 Wow have you that's so that's so that you ever play music?

spk_0 No I'm working on I'm I'm working on it now but to me it feels so indulgent like

spk_0 What am I like you this main character energy thing is very like what am I just in my own movie?

spk_0 Just like singing a lot like I'm going to work.

spk_0 I have to think about the work I'm about to do

spk_0 Just the idea that we're all just like partying at all times at our houses

spk_0 And like just music like people walking on the street just listen to music pay attention

spk_0 This is why none of you uh where we're running in the things

spk_0 So I was so many car accidents you guys are just like jamming

spk_0 Guys today. I'm gonna do something really crazy. I'm gonna go to work without any headphones

spk_0 My eyes are I'm gonna listen to music in my house like I really am now

spk_0 I'm like fully omnis. Okay, uh let's see favor comic. Oh your favorite comic is

spk_0 That's such a tough one. There's such different kinds

spk_0 Um based on those white birds you brought. I would have said carrot top but that hurt your feeling trailer

spk_0 Um carrot top is very effective at what he does was yours before of course was yours bill cosplay

spk_0 Because there is a picture on your instagram. Are you done talking?

spk_0 Are you done?

spk_0 Anything else today?

spk_0 No you have the floor

spk_0 Let's be clear

spk_0 Okay

spk_0 Psychopaths are the best at comedy

spk_0 Full stop. This is why women aren't as good at it. Okay

spk_0 Bill Cosby was so funny before he started sitting down

spk_0 Huh, I nailed it. Okay, Bill Cosby's show was so funny

spk_0 I don't think I knew a standup that well but the Cosby show pound for pound

spk_0 Martin is funnier but

spk_0 Bill Cosby

spk_0 Is very funny

spk_0 I don't know why I was posting about it

spk_0 The irony is I probably post about it when I was on sleeping pills

spk_0 Uh, I think David tell pat like pound for pound. Yeah is every comics kind of like favor comic

spk_0 It's just here's what's so annoying about Dave and what's so great about him when people ask is that everyone can have a take on something

spk_0 Got take take take to take and then he'll go like so

spk_0 Scientology and you're like we've heard it all what have we not he'll have some angle. Yeah, no one's thought of yeah

spk_0 Like no one I mean you can sit down and go like what would it tell what would it tell say what would it like

spk_0 I've tried to do that before and then you see him and you're like the penguin thing what like he'll just have some angle

spk_0 You've not heard of it. It's brilliant

spk_0 On stuff that is everyone's touched. Yeah, everyone

spk_0 He could do Michael Jackson thing tomorrow that

spk_0 Wouldn't be good as original as my take which is that he's innocent. No, I think you've caught him on that one actually

spk_0 By the way, I'll say it now that now that I couldn't say it before but Ellen

spk_0 Now that like people see like you know, no a little more

spk_0 Ellen stand up

spk_0 Her sitcom obsessed still watch it

spk_0 The stand up was so good the last couple specials feel like defensive like last special was a podcast a podcast

spk_0 Okay, that's how I feel

spk_0 Something we're doing right now that I defend is being very good and funny

spk_0 Podcasts which are hilarious. We mode it as

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you

spk_0 But she used to do like like

spk_0 Member the observations were just so good like member. She did this whole thing on goger

spk_0 Remember goger. It's like about how like how busy how was eating a yogurt like so

spk_0 Like if someone called you was like hey, do you want to go to a movie tonight? I just like I just opened a yogurt

spk_0 Too good so simple so simple and like things that I love

spk_0 Observations that everybody sees all the time and doesn't like notice it

spk_0 But sees it and the comic says it like about how on the instructions on shampoo

spk_0 It says like a quarter size of shampoo sheds whole thing on that which is like so funny

spk_0 It's so good and that's like the kind of jokes where everyone looks around like

spk_0 That's it that's it like when you trip and fall how you look back at where you tripped so everybody

spk_0 Yeah, like you look back to be like what was on the ground? Yeah, so like

spk_0 No

spk_0 Is it so the person far away sees that you like you do this whole performance to be like what was ah

spk_0 And you figure it out. It wasn't the edible. It wasn't me. Yeah

spk_0 Um, and how are you Lee how you turn into a run like it's just so funny. Okay favorite song

spk_0 Baby shark the boot but I listen to music I don't I do my favorite song like ever

spk_0 I mean simply the best Tina Turner. I think is like the best song

spk_0 Yeah, do you think yeah, least favorite celebrity. I think I would say something like someone who's like a

spk_0 Like doctor. Ah like someone who's like a fake doctor or something. Oh, that's a good answer

spk_0 It's also a great cop out

spk_0 Ah, you're right. I think that's right shine. It's like a political yeah, yeah

spk_0 That's good though. Don't know these favorite celebrity. I mean Danny Masterson

spk_0 Like those are obvious. Yeah, but celebrities don't only have to be

spk_0 The sound of freedom guy

spk_0 I don't know about that guy. Oh, he uh, yeah, he pretended he was like helping girls in sex trafficking

spk_0 and then got a public system was like on

spk_0 TV shows promoting a book and then was like asking his volunteers to like shower together to like get kids out

spk_0 It was like she's just again anyone who's overtly moral what are you up to?

spk_0 Ah, Michael Jackson uh

spk_0 No, if it sounded like Michael Jackson it'd be winning awards and Grammy and be the best music you've ever heard if it was Michael Jackson

spk_0 It would be little boys

spk_0 Little boy, you know how to say both

spk_0 Seems like you know your your the one that wants to imagine them little

spk_0 All right, I know of some 45-year-old boys

spk_0 Okay, they live in LA

spk_0 I I hate that I hate it when instead of having a good report you're just like okay

spk_0 Well, I was pretending to be the pervert myself

spk_0 Oh, okay, because that's actually

spk_0 The best way to be right, but it's such a it's like bring a Hitler. It's like okay. Well the conversation's over. That's so true

spk_0 It's like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay

spk_0 Not you're just gonna let people have only heard the last thing I said

spk_0 So it sounds dumb. No, that was my pervert fit. It didn't go over well

spk_0 That's it's wanting the last word is

spk_0 So is like your monster, but letting someone else have it's even worse. Oh, yeah, you've got that right there. Let me just let you uh

spk_0 Well, I ended on that because it was such a good point

spk_0 Uh favorite city

spk_0 Let's go favorite city first job your favorite city your favorite city could potentially be Philadelphia

spk_0 That's a really good guess and I don't think you're wrong. Hmm. I don't know because I

spk_0 Were the worst people to ask about this because we tore and any city that's like a great comedy city

spk_0 I just like I'm poly with cities. Yeah, I love so many of them. Yeah, I've different reasons

spk_0 And then you you don't want to you don't want to mess up and say your least favorite city

spk_0 No, I still pick it in there. By the way, I love Kansas City. I love um Tucson

spk_0 There's a lot of like weird places. I like yeah, I really love Providence, Rhode Island, especially this time of year

spk_0 Why I fall I'm just trying to sell tickets okay

spk_0 Thing they can't live without oh your coffee order is

spk_0 We're in the airport and she will

spk_0 Order it ahead of time and go pick it up at the Starbucks and not wait in line

spk_0 I'm always so blown away by that

spk_0 Time efficiency. I know I don't believe in time

spk_0 But uh, I'm never late. I'm never late. Um, your coffee order is like

spk_0 I feel like it's iced always I feel like you're always like making noise with your ice

spk_0 Like how much attention do you need just you know ice coffee

spk_0 Milk it dunk in it's it's your order is dunking. It's done. I'm a dunking dunking

spk_0 Duncan um, I would say what was the question? Uh, what's your favorite your coffee order your coffee order um

spk_0 Good luck never done the same one twice. I've a new personality every day

spk_0 Couldn't tell you don't have one. I am not loyal to the person I was yesterday

spk_0 Now I'm on like some green tea with strawberries. I don't even know. I don't have a coffee order

spk_0 Like I don't who has a coffee or like you're

spk_0 You're just be picked it and that's it forever. Yeah, that's fair. That's cool

spk_0 This is just you your thing now. Yeah, it's like it's like deciding on the same meal for the rest of your life

spk_0 Yeah, I'm like no every time I go in I'm like can I get a sample? I want to try like every time

spk_0 Uh, I least favorite musician and favorite musician

spk_0 Favorite musician. Ooh for you favorite favorite musician

spk_0 Kid rock favorite musician roofus dad by the way a computer

spk_0 They play live instruments at some of the shows. Okay

spk_0 Um, your favorite musician. Are you a Fleetwood Mac girl? No, no

spk_0 You know what I am I am a Fleetwood Mac on YouTube

spk_0 Her singing backstage wild heart before the show. It's pretty amazing. Okay. I don't really know Fleetwood Mac

spk_0 Beyond the Lindsey Buckingham sketch on which is like that's out but I know the famous songs. Yes

spk_0 My guy super into Fleetwood back in holono. It's like I don't know that because my parents never played music because they were

spk_0 Finding and drinking um and I'm like

spk_0 hardcore Lauren Hill

spk_0 Tori Amos if I were to go like

spk_0 Favorite favorite. Okay, go ahead because I was trying to find the happy medium for the the pop country twang

spk_0 Alston Kraus Marychapen Carpenter maybe

spk_0 I like this new Laney Wilson character. Mm-hmm

spk_0 Um, but yeah, I love brand brand. It's Brandy Carlyle, baby. Oh, yeah Brandy Carlyle is a

spk_0 Animal mm-hmm, but I like a little bit you know me. Yeah, you like some pizzazz. Yeah, okay almost okay

spk_0 Favorite movie favorite show guilty pleasure your favorite movie is what?

spk_0 The Goodwill Hunting so the town the town. Yes, it's a love story

spk_0 It's my favorite woman in the town

spk_0 No, uh, uh, bank robber and and what he loves to do is robber. He loves to rob but he also loves this girl

spk_0 And so they run away together. It's really beautiful. Okay. Is that the one with Blake Lively? Yeah, and she plays the worst ballsting crackhead you've ever seen

spk_0 I mean how it's her accent in it awful god awful my sister could have done it better

spk_0 But if she's like a crack-cat or you're like oh, it's maybe the crack no, but no my my crackheads have a very distinct accent

spk_0 They are kind of like our prom queens

spk_0 Huh, we put them on a pedestal nice um, okay favorite favorite movie my favorite movie

spk_0 I'm sitting here. I literally have my hands in my head. I call myself labyrinth

spk_0 You probably haven't even seen it. So labyrinth was before I was a kid so I had an older brother

spk_0 So I watched leftover movies that he never returned a blackbuster

spk_0 Because if you don't return after a certain time they just give up on you, but it's really expensive. So

spk_0 David Bowie and a bunch of um

spk_0 Uh, like gremlins. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's actually like amazing the more you watch it the more you see

spk_0 It's like all the cheat codes for life. Oh, shit right there in a movie and they were all like on my streams like Jim Henson

spk_0 It's like puppets. Oh, yeah, it's truly puppets. I would have never guessed that Jennifer Connolly ever

spk_0 Yes, I'm obsessed every sentence in that movie is the best advice you've ever gotten the labyrinth. Yes

spk_0 Okay guilty pleasure

spk_0 I've oh by the way also windy city heat, which is like

spk_0 If you know, you know, if you don't

spk_0 I learned I've told you recently I learned

spk_0 15 new things every time I see you when he's city heat is a prank movie that Jimmy Kimball Adam Corolla

spk_0 Did they found this porn star who was just nuts and they

spk_0 Pretended that he was starring in a movie bobcat goldway directed it and they filmed him thinking he was the star of a movie

spk_0 And they prank him for like a year

spk_0 what and it's just him like being a diva thinking he's starring and like dang cook comes in and auditions

spk_0 How could you pick dang cook over me like this egomaniac you've seen it oh dude it is

spk_0 Next level shocking like don bears is on the phone going I'm on that I'm on with the head of show business

spk_0 I can't talk right now. Let me talk he's like let me talk to the head of show business and he's like I can't we're busy like it is so ridiculous and funny

spk_0 I'm watching that tonight dude. It is so funny. I have like a DVD of it because it was like I don't know when it was made

spk_0 But it's like kind of iconically like like a comedy just sort of like gem and then Jimmy Kimball even

spk_0 Has him on they had a fake premiere and had him come on his show as a guest of this fake movie the whole thing

spk_0 Oh my god, that's awesome. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, if you're mad at Jimmy Kimball watch this and you'll like him

spk_0 And you're so brutal. That's awesome. Oh my god. Yeah, I think that's it. That's good

spk_0 My guilty pleasure is this okay

spk_0 Documentaries documentaries so documentaries stop pretending documentaries are mean you're smart

spk_0 It's not you didn't read a bug

spk_0 Documentaries now or more salacious gossip nonsense

spk_0 Exploitation than any scripted movie this new things like I watched documentaries like oh about Gabby Batita

spk_0 So you just watched them zoom in on a 21 year old girl obsessing about her dying like why is this like

spk_0 Smart why are you air you died? Look why are you better than me?

spk_0 Because you made a documentary like leave only creeps are watching this. Do you see this girl

spk_0 Gem murdered

spk_0 You're not better than me. You're not aware the I Carly documentary

spk_0 You're basically just actually exploiting these people again and playing all the video of area on a grande

spk_0 Doing all of that horrible stuff now all the creeps nowhere to find it. It was off

spk_0 Yeah, and you're gonna like act like you're raising awareness or some documentaries

spk_0 They don't mean you're smart. We've also really mainstreamed

spk_0 True crime

spk_0 Yeah, everyone's like way too cash about that. Yeah, dude Jenna Freeman has the best bit about this

spk_0 We should actually play at the end of the episode where he talks about why true crime is so big

spk_0 It's like you don't have to deal with the lead actress

spk_0 Uh, like she doesn't complain

spk_0 Yeah, like it's so what the AI actress is huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the fact that we're just like watching to true crime all day is just

spk_0 Or the people are making so much money off it. No, I don't really have a take for that

spk_0 Like I don't true crime. Yeah

spk_0 It's like I don't know people like listen to it when they go to sleep

spk_0 It's like and then she got to capitated but I made it back from sunny. Maybe um

spk_0 I think it's actually like women it's us studying because we're prey

spk_0 It's like studying how murderers work look out for the sign. Yeah, we like get obsessed with it

spk_0 It's like man watching sports because you guys like think you're gonna get asked to like jump in at any moment

spk_0 It's where they were the jerseys go as it go

spk_0 So that's like we watch like murder stuff to be like because at any moment I could be hurt like yeah, you know

spk_0 We learn how to like Bob and weave

spk_0 Yeah, like don't have an ice pick in your car will be used against you

spk_0 Like don't pick up the hitchhiker even know you say on them

spk_0 Um, yeah, Ted Bundy is like I mean it is awkward that I mean he got married many times when he was in prison

spk_0 But he has been played by Zach Efron. Who else?

spk_0 um

spk_0 They play all these little little uh Disney boys well um oh

spk_0 Damn it. I know you're talking about it's not awesome but there but it kind of looks like a Josh

spk_0 um

spk_0 Drinking Josh great Josh you know what my other guilty pleasure is bad movies

spk_0 Mm-hmm like bad. I think bad movies at this point are almost better because you can just take the pressure off

spk_0 Yeah, you know just take it for what it is and my people love showgirls

spk_0 Know what is a showgirl

spk_0 Us oh wow yeah, so Taylor's singing about us. Oh

spk_0 Always

spk_0 She's always just reading my diary. She's for the girls. I ordered the CD on the tape

spk_0 Did you really?

spk_0 You go the pop up. I'm like

spk_0 It's funny like Taylor's with me. I am a bigger fan almost of her as like a business woman

spk_0 Oh big time like that's my

spk_0 The music I like know it. I'm not like on a loop, but I'm just like

spk_0 I'm I'm on the edge of my seat. That's the blueprint. That's it

spk_0 I'm a fan they do all these master classes the only one I really want to hear from this twist

spk_0 I'm like oh and then she wore this color nail polish and this thing

spk_0 I'm like looking at a woman who has worse OCD than me and I'm like I'm honestly just humbled and she she thinks so far in advance

spk_0 It's I've never seen anything like it. Yeah. Yeah, imagine comics move like Taylor Swift

spk_0 About their specials. Yeah, yeah meanwhile we don't know what our flight time is around

spk_0 I'm just like uh how are we going to the airport truly tomorrow

spk_0 um

spk_0 Okay, at least when I'll burn and Jeff you all right Taylor

spk_0 We are had do have to cut that um this has gone on uh very long

spk_0 I'm having way too much fun you guys never get to see me have fun like this party

spk_0 We have to see me being like here's why I took down the tweet

spk_0 Okay, now here's what I meant to say about Tim wall. It's just a lot of trips to China, okay

spk_0 You're so refreshed after study

spk_0 You're good

spk_0 You know what I love nothing more than idiots coming after me on the internet about something

spk_0 Because

spk_0 Number one, you're like the shoes dropped. I don't have to wait and number two it's you you don't like me

spk_0 And that's okay

spk_0 It that's okay

spk_0 Just say that

spk_0 Just say you don't like me and when these gargoyles are just like sitting waiting for some the person they already don't like to do something

spk_0 That they can actively like that you got one yeah got one

spk_0 No one's mad if you say I don't like you no one's mad if you're like you're not my cup of tea

spk_0 No one's mad at you you're allowed to have taste you're allowed to do that

spk_0 Yeah, but the fact that you're waiting for me to like make some kind of mistake and then pounce on it

spk_0 It just shows how obsessed you are like how

spk_0 I'm having so much more fun than you you know what you are Taylor Swift

spk_0 I think they that's who they thought they hired when I went over there

spk_0 They were very shocked the amount they paid me was like hmm okay

spk_0 It's like you don't have to find a moral reason to not like me. It is be cool with it. Yeah

spk_0 Because you think not liking a woman is like bad or something because you've got it all wrong like your backwards

spk_0 But a woman going over there. It's just there's something refreshing when you get that you remember like oh

spk_0 Like if they're mad about this you just don't like me

spk_0 You are twisting this in such a weird tight not like you are having to contort reality in such a wild way in order to

spk_0 Justify not liking me to make you seem like a good person that

spk_0 I don't have to worry that you might be right

spk_0 Whereas a lot of times when you get criticism and like maybe I didn't maybe that wasn't fun. Maybe that wasn't good enough

spk_0 Yeah, maybe I do look busted. Maybe I do need both talks again. Oh never when that when it's so wrong. You're like

spk_0 It's the one time I don't agree with trolls for the first time

spk_0 You know, yeah, that's something to hang out on yeah

spk_0 Um Graystone Mallee is gonna be in

spk_0 Rhode Island soon. I will be in Arkansas the Rhode Island of the South and

spk_0 Philly and Reading at a bunch of places that I'm gonna try to drag grace wherever I go

spk_0 Um, I feel closer to you. Oh my god. We're like best friends and now I know that and

spk_0 Before not so sure we've never talked about the intimates

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, exactly

spk_0 This is when I knew we just became like real friends is when I

spk_0 Clown you for the

spk_0 Pajamas you're like you think these are Pajamas. They're gonna a couple times of grace is pushing back

spk_0 She's starting to realize we're equals. I don't like it

spk_0 snapped on me in

spk_0 Virginia and I'm gonna snap one more time

spk_0 That wasn't my fault. I'm not an outdoors person. We went on a hike

spk_0 What kind of person walks the respirator web with their mouth open?

spk_0 I mean that is just a level of

spk_0 Scrolling TikTok. Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna say what the comments say. What kind of person goes on a hike and a jump suit?

spk_0 I

spk_0 No, but yeah, no sweat either it was crazy and we will end on this video right now of grace

spk_0 Beginning her lashing out at me with okay, we love you, but

spk_0 What need I love you

spk_0 You see that you just walked through the spider web

spk_0 You know, I'm a part I'm gallons of sweat

spk_0 I just went through a widow's peak oh

spk_0 Oh, that's is that this is on my hand is that the spider's house who you're just ruined? Oh, yeah, you

spk_0 You pretty fast actually

spk_0 Yeah, don't that's a that's a granddaddy long legs they eat bugs with us

spk_0 I think I just this is

spk_0 Crazier than capturing big fun this is the first time I've ever seen craze. I'm not laughing. I'm so glad I took it some time off from drinking if I was hungover right now

spk_0 Grace just ate a spider web and

spk_0 I mean it was pretty easy to see but oh

spk_0 My god, that was true. That was honest. I love you guys. Uh don't write elephants when you visit Saudi Arabia because it's now a free country by

spk_0 oh

Grace O'Malley and Whitney Go Deep | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings | EP 309

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