Technology
Friends With Your Ex: Boundaries or Red Flags? 🙅🏼♀️
In this episode of Coffee and Cleavage, hosts Lenny and Chantal, along with guest Gary, dive into the complexities of being friends with exes. They explore personal experiences, etiquette when encount...
Friends With Your Ex: Boundaries or Red Flags? 🙅🏼♀️
Technology •
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Interactive Transcript
Speaker A
Welcome to Coffee and Cleavage. Welcome. I'm Lenny.
Speaker B
And I'm Chantal.
Speaker A
And hello, Gary.
Speaker C
Hey, ladies. How are you guys?
Speaker B
Hello.
Speaker A
How are you?
Speaker B
We are good.
Speaker C
Doing great.
Speaker B
I heard some heavy breathing. I was like, are you doing okay over there?
Speaker C
I'm hanging in there.
Speaker B
Rough day?
Speaker C
Super rough day being here. So rough.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
God, you must hate your fucking job.
Speaker A
Yeah. You must hate us.
Speaker C
So rough.
Speaker B
You gotta admit, sometimes it probably is a little bit rough.
Speaker C
You're like, oh, fuck, there's times. But I can't really complain about much, Honestly.
Speaker B
I love that.
Speaker A
Well, today we're debating the question, is it okay or when is it okay to be friends with your ex? Ooh, I'm not friends with any exes. Really?
Speaker C
I was gonna say we should start with that. Are you guys friends with any of your exes?
Speaker B
No, I'm not.
Speaker A
No.
Speaker B
And I think we've. Do we. I think we've determined that none of us have had, like, happy breakups.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, not happy, but like.
Speaker A
Yeah. Mutually not mutual.
Speaker B
Mutual breakup where you're just like, huh, you know what? That was great, but let's just not be together anymore.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Let's just.
Speaker B
I haven't had any of those.
Speaker C
No, it's like, Yeah, I was feeling the same way. Okay, cool. Let's just go our separate ways. Okay.
Speaker A
Awesome.
Speaker B
It's like, awesome.
Speaker A
You want to still be friends, you know?
Speaker B
Yeah, no, it's rare. I'm not friends with any exes. I can't imagine being friends with my exes.
Speaker A
That's just like. I don't know.
Speaker B
Especially because they didn't start off as friendships.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, I could maybe understand if you were friends with somebody and you dated and then you were like, okay, it's not really working. Let's just stay friends. I could kind of get that.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, but I think that's pretty rare.
Speaker A
Yeah, I think so, too.
Speaker C
So, going off on the X thing, what's the proper etiquette when you run into an ex?
Speaker B
Ooh, proper etiquette. This depends. You run into the ex by yourself or with a new person.
Speaker C
So let's say by yourself. So say you're walking. Are you okay? Like, are you guys the type of people who, like, say you're, like, in the mall and you spot your ex, would you be like, oh, fuck, yeah. Would you be like. Or would you be like, oh, hey, what's up? Like, how's it going?
Speaker A
I'm not going to go approach them.
Speaker B
I don't think I would approach them. She's like, sunglasses on.
Speaker C
Does it depend on, like, how you look that day? You're like, fuck, I look hot, actually. What's up?
Speaker A
Maybe, actually. Well, I mean, I don't know.
Speaker C
Because everyone wants to see their ex and look good and have them be.
Speaker B
Like, damn, does everybody look good?
Speaker A
That's the thing. I don't know, actually.
Speaker B
Especially, I feel like with my exes, at least for me personally, like, I don't give a. About what they think I look like, you know, I'm not in a. In a mood to try to, like, have validation or have them, like, be like, oh, man, I wish I wouldn't have dumped her, you know? Like, you know? You know what I mean?
Speaker C
I want all my exes to be honest.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
Because I've seen exes before. I'm like, oh, fuck.
Speaker B
And I'm like, you're like, oh, she looks good. I fucked that up.
Speaker C
No, I've seen them and I'm like, I don't want to see them just because it's. It's like, hey, what's up? How's it going? And you want to. You don't ever want to feel like your ex is like, wow, I'm glad I ended that. You know, I think that's a thing where you, like. I don't know. Most people always want their ex to be like, damn, they look really good. Like, you know, because it makes you feel good, you know, and everyone wants that. Where an ex wishes they were with you. I feel like a lot of people like that because it's just an ego boost. Makes you feel good.
Speaker B
Do you feel that way?
Speaker A
I don't really know. I really thought about it. Yeah. I mean, I know they know my social media, so it's like, yeah, it's like, I know they see my social media or they. They know of it, so if they really want to see what I. Yeah, it's like, they're probably on. My.
Speaker B
Name is like.
Speaker C
It's harder for you guys because you're desired by so many guys. I feel like normal people. Normal people.
Speaker B
Wow. We're not fucking normal.
Speaker C
You guys are not just like, normal people, though. You can't really think you are.
Speaker B
I mean, we. I think we both think we're normal people.
Speaker C
But you guys are public figures. I mean, you're model, so you aren't completely normal. Is everyone? Like, you have business pages, your Instagram. You don't just have, like, regular pages. Most people just.
Speaker B
I get that. But at the end of the day, And I feel this way about celebrities, too. And I know other people are, like, fucking crazy about celebrities. Like, we're all just fucking people, you know, at the end of the day, not one person is, like, more special than the other person. Like, we're all just fucking people trying to figure our shit out, you know, Just living our lives. But I luckily and fortunate enough to not, like, run into any exes.
Speaker A
Yeah, me either.
Speaker B
Yeah. Like, thank God. No, thanks.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker B
I would probably go the other way, though, to directly answer your question. I would probably, like, if I saw somebody and I knew they didn't see me, if they saw me, I'm not gonna go walk into another room. Cause that's just fucking stupid.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, if they direct. Make eye contact with me, I would just be like, you know, and keep doing my shit.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, I might just smile and keep doing my own thing. But if they didn't see me and I saw them, I would probably turn the other way or, like, just go somewhere else, you know, I don't need to, like, go have a meaningless conversation about the weather.
Speaker C
Do you, like, smile and be like, you fuck this up. Walk off. Remember when you didn't call me back that one time?
Speaker B
She knew what I meant. Like, all of a sudden, I, like, just drop a pen out of my bag and then.
Speaker A
Oh, my God, turn.
Speaker B
Around and do it too.
Speaker A
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Speaker B
Fucking funny.
Speaker A
I guess if they, like, said hi to me and I'd say hi, I wouldn't. But, yeah, I wouldn't go out of my way to be like, what's up? Yeah, how are you? Yeah.
Speaker B
Like, ugh, no, thanks. Yeah. No.
Speaker A
Okay. So, hi, ladies. And Gary.
Speaker B
And Gary.
Speaker A
I am dating someone who I'm really into. She hikes every Saturday with her ex.
Speaker B
What the fuck are you.
Speaker C
She hikes in her place?
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Oh, oh, hikes.
Speaker A
She hikes.
Speaker B
Yeah, she hikes up something.
Speaker A
It started before me. She told me on our second date. It wasn't a secret. I asked to join once. She said it would be awkward for him. I suggested brunch after the hike so we can all meet in daylight, neutral ground. And she's still not ready to meet yet. Okay. So many red flags with this.
Speaker B
Yeah, lots of red flags.
Speaker A
In most ways, our relationship is great, but Saturdays now, I have a pit in my stomach. I'm not worried they're hooking up. I'm worried I'm the chapter he refuses to read. She calls it comparison. I'm starting to feel like a placeholder. I don't want to control her friendships. And I know you can be friends with an ex, but if you can't be in the same space, base is her current partner, Is that a friendship or a veto? Veto. Veto. Veto. Veto. I've thought about making this a boundary. Either either we all meet soon or we stop pretending this is normal. But I don't want to force an ultimatum and poison something that could really be healthy with time. How do I say I need to feel included in your life without sounding I'm trying to erase her past? And what's a fair timeline for a meet and greet before I accept I'm the secret?
Speaker B
I don't think this guy's in the wrong at all. And I think he should probably dump this girl.
Speaker A
Yeah. What the fuck? Every Saturday you go meet your ex and go hiking and you can't come.
Speaker B
Yeah, that's. Oh, by the way, Second date. Oh, yeah, by the way, on Saturdays I hike with my ex. Like, what. I mean, even seeing them once a month would be pretty weird. That's fucking every weekend. And he. He. Why doesn't he want to meet her new boyfriend? He wouldn't be okay with that. And why is she protecting how he feels?
Speaker C
Why is she even suggesting that? Or whoever did. I mean, it's. Why would you want to meet someone's ex? I mean, I have.
Speaker B
I have met exes before, and I have to say, it's really fudgeing, weird and uncomfortable.
Speaker C
But, like, why? I mean, unless you have, like, kids together, why would you ever meet an ex? Like, your situation? Like, why did you meet?
Speaker B
Because they were like, so there was kind of a group of people, and she was invited somewhere by someone in the group because they all were friends. And so I met her and it was just really uncomfortable, you know? And the guy I was seeing at the time said, like, oh, it's fine. Like, you know, I'm not into her or I would be with her, so you have no reason to be threatened. And I'm just, like, still uncomfortable.
Speaker C
I guess that's mutual friends. I guess you kind of have to, like, just kind of be like, okay, that's her. And you meet, you're just like, hey.
Speaker A
Like, yeah.
Speaker B
It's hard, though, because, you know, it's just like, it's uncomfortable. And then some of the other friends were kind of making me feel compared to her, like, oh, I noticed that, like, you kind of look a little bit like the ex. And I'm like, wow, I guess he has a type. Yeah. No, seriously, like, that's what. That's what the girl was saying. And I was just like, that's uncomfortable.
Speaker A
That would be so uncomfortable.
Speaker B
It was really awkward. It was really awkward. It was an awkward night.
Speaker A
Yeah, I bet.
Speaker B
And then I kind of felt like I was alienating myself a little bit because I just felt so uncomfortable, you know? It was just, like, weird, you know, everybody's like, you know, oh, like, you're not being cool by not, like, am I supposed to be, like, hanging out with her? Supposed to be BFFs? Like, I don't really want to make friends with my partner's ex. That's just.
Speaker C
Do you think people do that in a way to, like, make the ex jealous?
Speaker B
Maybe. I don't know. I mean, he. In fairness, he didn't invite her, you know, but still, it was just like, meh.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
It wasn't really my cup of tea.
Speaker A
Yeah, I wouldn't like that either.
Speaker B
And this is fucking way worse than that. So if I can imagine that he was, like, going hiking with her every weekend, I wouldn't have dated him. Yeah, I'd be like, no, thanks. Enjoy hiking every weekend with your ex.
Speaker A
This guy's being way too fucking nice. I'm sorry.
Speaker B
He's being nice.
Speaker C
That's what I'm saying. Like, okay, grow some fucking balls. Like, I have to say that and be like, I don't know. That's just weird. I don't like you going in. Who would like someone being like, hey, I'm going and hanging out with my ex. We're going to go walking and we're going to just talk probably the whole time. And you're connecting, talking. It's like, why would you be like, okay, cool. Yeah. And you're going to, like, grow your relationship more. Why would you want that?
Speaker A
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker C
It's just.
Speaker A
There's got to be more to the story. Like, why every Saturday with this ex? Like, I don't get it.
Speaker B
You know, literally a date. That's literally a date. If you see someone every Saturday scheduled. Yeah, it's like scheduled sex.
Speaker C
Don't you think that would make people kind of. The boyfriend be a little crazy, too, and be like, all right, well, I might have to just go there and kind of, like, see if that's what you guys are doing. Because I know people have done that. Like, kind of makes them crazy. Like, okay, you're going here.
Speaker A
They show up at the location just to kind of see for theirself.
Speaker C
And that would almost be understandable. Yeah, I would like, hey, what's up, man? I want to meet You. Because for some reason, you hike with.
Speaker B
My girlfriend every fucking Saturday.
Speaker C
You guys actually hiking or what's going on here?
Speaker B
Yeah, I mean, and that's a little suspicious when. When she's saying, no, he can't go. It's like, are you really going hiking? This is something that would, like, make somebody maybe go a little crazy and, like, maybe follow her to see if she's really going hiking or going to his apartment or something. But why even date someone if you're doing that? You know, like, why. Why be dating somebody if you're really in that type of intimate relationship with the ex?
Speaker A
I'd want to get deep into it, be like, okay, so explain. Why do you go hike every Saturday with your ex? What's this weird tradition you guys have? Yeah, because. Fucking weird. I'm sorry.
Speaker B
Yeah, it is weird. And is he dating someone? Not that that matters, because, you know, that's like asking like, oh, does he Married with kids? You know, like, doesn't mean that he's not.
Speaker C
Yeah, if she was something really cool, that she'd be like, okay, I want you to go and you can meet him and then you can kind of see. And then you'll be disarmed from it. And then he could be like, okay, yeah, I want to meet you. If I'm cool with this, like, I'm going to meet you. And the other guy should be like, yeah, I'd like to meet him. If it's totally. They're just friends.
Speaker B
Yeah, that points to. It's not really to disarm.
Speaker C
That's what you would do. That's what I would do. I'd be like, bring him. I'll be like, hey, what's up? I'll meet you. Are you cool with this? And if not, then clearly we need to stop.
Speaker B
Yeah, I agree completely.
Speaker A
Maybe he's gay and he doesn't want to be the boyfriend.
Speaker B
But then why wouldn't she tell him that, you know? Because that would be pretty disarming already. Like, it's my ex, but he's really disarming, like, he's my ex because, you know, he came out, but we're still really good friends.
Speaker A
Yeah, right.
Speaker B
That would be like, it's my ex.
Speaker C
But he's gay now, so don't worry. Oh, okay.
Speaker A
That happens.
Speaker B
It has happened. I mean, it hasn't happened to me, but I've heard of it happening.
Speaker A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker C
I think that's just what someone says, that they're going fucking some dude. He's gay. Oh, okay.
Speaker B
Why not just Be honest. From the very, you know, second date where she brings us up, like, I still see my ex.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, like, I'm seeing him. Are you okay with that? Instead she's like, oh, yeah, you have nothing to worry about, but you can't come with.
Speaker C
You should do a poll, like, tell you people, is it cool to hang out with your ex when you were someone, or is that, like, off limits?
Speaker A
Yeah, poll for sure. Absolutely.
Speaker B
A poll. I mean, and is it even that or, like, okay to be with your friends, with your ex or not? Okay. Or maybe under the right circumstances. I don't know. Because there's a difference between friendly.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
And being friends.
Speaker A
Exactly.
Speaker B
You know, like you said in the example, like, you see them in the mall. Like, are you just. You smile and wave or whatever. You acknowledge them, but you're not, like, close.
Speaker A
Yeah. That's fine.
Speaker B
That's friendly.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
But then being friends with means like, you're fucking hanging out.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You're doing activities. You're spending time with each other.
Speaker C
But I look at an ex, like, obviously you were attracted to them physically at one point and, you know, mentally, like, you know, you guys probably got along, so you were very, like, into them. So how does that all go away? You're going to always be attracted to them. You're always going to know that.
Speaker B
I mean, do you think that you're always attracted to somebody after you're not together anymore? Because I think it changes for me.
Speaker A
At least it does for me, too.
Speaker B
It's different for men. Do you feel like you still find your exes physically attractive or does your. All of them changes? Right.
Speaker C
Not all of them, but I've kind of, like, settled with some of them, so.
Speaker B
Settled with some of them. Explain.
Speaker C
I don't know. Just like, settling. Being like, okay, this is okay. Necessarily my thing.
Speaker B
Your ideal woman.
Speaker C
My. But it's like she's kind of like, all right, but. And then there's just, like, that she does okay.
Speaker A
She's all right.
Speaker B
She's bangable, but not keepable.
Speaker C
I mean, it worked for a bit, and then. So I do. I do get what you're saying, though.
Speaker B
Yeah. Just to where. Like, if. If I'm. If somebody is my ex, I'm not. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm no longer. For me, being physically attracted to somebody is connected with being emotionally connected.
Speaker A
Yes.
Speaker B
So if I'm not emotionally connected anymore, I probably, 9 out of 10 times will probably. Or maybe 10 out of 10 times don't think that they're physically attractive. To me anymore. Like, I don't look at them and go, oh, man, they're so hot. I wish I could be with them. It's like that ship fucking sailed. And there's nothing. I just look at them and they're a person.
Speaker A
Exactly.
Speaker B
A part of my past. And I'm not interested in having any type of, like.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, physical thoughts or attractions anymore.
Speaker A
Yep.
Speaker B
It's like it just turns off.
Speaker A
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it is.
Speaker B
That switch is turned off. Okay, I think we had one more. Yes, one more. Let's see. Hey, guys. Big fan of the show. I recently started seeing someone new, and the other night, I got a text from my ex. It said, miss your face. I didn't reply. I didn't delete it either. Part of me liked the validation, and part of me instantly felt disloyal. The next morning, I almost told my girlfriend to be transparent, but I worried it would turn into a huge argument.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
For context, my ex and I ended peacefully. Oh, we were just talking about this.
Speaker A
It's rare.
Speaker B
We haven't talked in months. I don't want her back. But the timing hit a bruise that I didn't know I still had. I keep replaying the options in my head. What do I do?
Speaker C
See, right there. I liked the validation.
Speaker B
He liked the validation.
Speaker A
They do.
Speaker B
Yeah. Damn it. You were right.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker B
He loved the whole miss your face. Oh, I hate that. You know, I'm just imagining being his girlfriend and that would suck.
Speaker A
Yeah, that would, you know.
Speaker C
So, like, you guys are telling me. I mean, I guess we'll see how different is if, like, one of your exes text you and, like, I miss, like, seeing you or just something. And even if you didn't say anything, you wouldn't be like, okay. Kind of makes you feel, like, good a little bit.
Speaker B
I don't see. It doesn't for me. And I think it's because I didn't have good end terms with any of my exes. None of them have my phone number. Also, to be clear, like, my phone number is not the same from when we were dating. And if it happened to be, they would be blocked, so they wouldn't be sending me a message.
Speaker A
One of my exes from 13 years ago emailed me, like, last year. Yeah, 13 years. I haven't talked to him in 13, 14 years. And he. He was on vacation with his wife and his family.
Speaker B
What the.
Speaker A
And he told me about it. He's just like, yeah, that's gotta make.
Speaker C
You feel a little good, though.
Speaker B
I mean, did It.
Speaker A
I was just wondering, why are you contacting me?
Speaker B
No, you were, like, turned off. Like, this Lee's bag is messaging me while he's on vacation with his wife.
Speaker A
They wanted to do a call, like, to talk.
Speaker B
Oh, my God.
Speaker C
So he's thinking about you when he's with his wife and family. That is so fucking weird.
Speaker B
I mean, it's not really like, weird in terms of, like, fact of humans do that, but it's just after 14 years, he sends you a fucking email asking to have a call. Like, you're just gonna drop everything going on in your life right now for this call? Because why?
Speaker A
I'm like, I don't want to fucking talk.
Speaker C
Well, that's not normal respond or did.
Speaker B
You just not respond?
Speaker A
No, I responded.
Speaker B
Oh, you did?
Speaker A
I did.
Speaker B
Oh, you're so nice. I would not have fucking responded.
Speaker A
I did. Because, I mean, he wasn't like a terrible breakup. We didn't hate each other.
Speaker B
Oh, so you did have a peaceful mutual kind of thing.
Speaker A
It wasn't like. It wasn't mutual. It was. It was me. I didn't want to be with him anymore. Yeah, but he was in law school and.
Speaker B
Yeah, it's the law school. Motherfucker. Who would be fucking. Who would be making you wait around while he was doing his fucking studying?
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Oh, my God. Yeah, I remember talking about that.
Speaker A
Yes. So, I mean, I think he was so busy with. With schooling, and he. So too busy, like, okay, fine.
Speaker B
Yeah. He did not treat you well.
Speaker A
Yeah, I was very alone when I was with him, you know, very. I felt very, very alone.
Speaker C
Do you think he saw you somewhere, like on Instagram or somewhere or a picture of you or something and was like 100%. Damn.
Speaker A
He must have, because he emailed me through my professional site.
Speaker B
Yep. So he went to Instagram, went to your website, found address, stalked you a.
Speaker C
Little bit and was like. Was like, hey, you're doing pretty good and you're looking pretty good. So I want to say, what's up?
Speaker A
He just wanted to catch up.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Wow.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
So did the conversation go anywhere or. Not really.
Speaker A
Not really. A couple emails back and forth and.
Speaker B
He tried to send him the old link.
Speaker C
No, that's awkward.
Speaker A
Oh, my God.
Speaker B
I wouldn't either, but I just had to ask.
Speaker A
Yeah, no, no.
Speaker B
That's funny.
Speaker A
I think, though, he caught on to me not wanting to call him because he left his number and I just emailed him back and kind of ignored wanting to do the phone call. He's like, it probably is weird. We haven't talked in this long. And I'm wanting to talk, but I just think 15 minutes on the phone is more effective than hours of emails back and forth.
Speaker C
Or we didn't want.
Speaker B
Yeah, no, thanks.
Speaker A
That's what I thought.
Speaker C
I didn't want no paper trail. No. No way for his wife to see anything.
Speaker A
Yeah. On a phone call you can't. You know what I mean?
Speaker B
I mean, she could find out if she wanted. It's not that hard to look at phone logs.
Speaker A
True.
Speaker C
Oh, but how would she see the conversation, though?
Speaker B
Maybe. Yeah, that's true.
Speaker C
I mean, text messages are completely different from a phone call. You could make up anything. Yeah, that's not true. And a lawyer doing that. Yeah, we should jump on a call. It's like, I haven't talked to you in 10 years. No.
Speaker B
Yeah, that's pretty strange. So I had something kind of similar, but not as serious happen. Not one of my exes, but somebody who I liked but, like, during high school, reach out and send me an email with their picture and ask to catch up. And I just. I didn't. You know, I was, like, seeing somebody at the time and I was like, I'm not even gonna respond to that.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Because now. Now you know.
Speaker A
Yeah, but that.
Speaker B
I mean, that stuff like that has happened, like, on social media, too, where it's like, oh, hey, remember me?
Speaker A
Yeah, you know, I haven't been hit.
Speaker C
Up by my exes.
Speaker B
No, this wasn't an ex, though. It was just somebody from high school, like, who I had a crush on, you know, but who didn't ever acknowledge me.
Speaker A
Wow. And then he sees you now.
Speaker B
Yeah, sees me now. And he's like, oh, damn.
Speaker A
Yep.
Speaker B
Hey, how you doing? Yeah, exactly in my Joey voice. Yeah. So what should he do? I mean, I think probably nothing. Why are you reviewing options in your head if you really don't have feelings for your.
Speaker A
Exactly.
Speaker B
Because if you're reviewing options and you're thinking, oh, you know, I do miss her too. Well, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship right now.
Speaker C
Yeah, I think you should read that and be like, use that as cool.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
I mean, it makes you feel good.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
A little ego boost and then delete it, probably. So your girlfriend doesn't find it.
Speaker A
Yeah, totally.
Speaker C
Would you think it'd be, delete it or just be like, my ex, text me?
Speaker B
No, that's horrible. Don't ever tell your girlfriend, oh, hey, by the way, my ex texts me and she says she misses me. It's like, what the fuck?
Speaker A
Seriously, I think you should just tell her.
Speaker C
Why not?
Speaker B
Yeah, I don't think so.
Speaker A
I'm thinking, okay, if I was with. Actually, this has happened to me before. I was dating someone and the his ex text him and he told me, and I wasn't mad or jealous. I was just like, oh, that's weird.
Speaker C
The thing about it though, it happened to me too.
Speaker B
And I didn't feel the same way, but I was very young, and I was definitely jealous and intimidated. Like, why the fuck is your ex.
Speaker C
You start looking at shit. Are you like you're talking to each other? I fucking know it.
Speaker B
I'm gonna stop. I've never been like that. But his phone was just sitting up, literally on the bed, and it pinged. And this was like, way before you could, like, hide that shit, you know? Like, you can get notification and the text doesn't show up on the screen. But this was like a really long time ago, and the whole thing was just right there on the. On the screen. And I was just like, huh, okay. All righty.
Speaker A
Back Would just flip their phone.
Speaker C
But what if he didn't say anything back? Just like, whatever.
Speaker B
No, he didn't say anything back. And I. I was like, ugh. I mean, I don't know if he said anything back because I only saw the text come in. But it kind of like ruined my vibe for the night. Cause I was like, you have that close of relationship with your ex that they're like, texting you that kind of stuff, you know?
Speaker A
Oh, what did she text him?
Speaker B
She was texting about how much she missed him. So very similar.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
I didn't think about it until what you said. I'm like, oh, fuck, this has actually happened to me too.
Speaker C
But what if your ex was, like, with someone and they broke up and they were just thinking about it? You're like, God, they were really good. I'm gonna text them randomly. And you're like, I miss you so much. Like, we had so many good times. Would you be like, you motherfucker?
Speaker B
No, it didn't make me think anything negative about him, but it made me like, what kind of relationship do they still have? Yeah, you know, it's because I wouldn't ever text that to my fucking exes. But that's because I didn't have any mutually happily split ex relationships, you know?
Speaker A
Okay, how would you feel about this? This happened to my. One of my good guy friends. His girlfriend that he has now, she lives with him and his ex is always kind of like randomly hit him up. Well, he. He was out of town, working, and his girlfriend that he's with right now is at home, you know, and his ex showed up to the house, and she could see her on the ring.
Speaker B
Oh, my God.
Speaker A
And he's working out of town. He could see his ex on the ring camera. So he texts, you know, his girlfriend, and he's like, my ex is at the door. I don't know how you want to handle it.
Speaker B
Oh, my gosh. So does. So. Whoa. So does the girlfriend know that he's on positive chatting relationship with his ex?
Speaker A
Oh, it's not positive.
Speaker C
Yeah, well, you might not be. She might just be showing up like.
Speaker A
A psycho to tell him how much she misses him because she used to live there.
Speaker C
Tell me that girl. Tell me that girl opened the door.
Speaker A
Was like, yes, I would. And she didn't.
Speaker B
She didn't open the door.
Speaker A
No, she did not.
Speaker B
She just pretend like nobody was.
Speaker A
She just. Yeah, she didn't.
Speaker B
I wanted to open for Taylor.
Speaker A
I've been like, I would have been fun.
Speaker B
I would have, like, yeah, button my shirt a little.
Speaker A
Wear his shirt. Be like, yes, hello, May I help you?
Speaker B
Just to. With her. Yeah.
Speaker A
Oh, my gosh.
Speaker B
That is crazy.
Speaker A
Yeah. Wow.
Speaker B
But so they didn't. So him and the ex, they weren't like, a positive. She just kept reaching out to him.
Speaker A
Yeah, they had some weird ongoing thing.
Speaker B
And I mean, like, why isn't she blocked? Why is she texting you all the time?
Speaker A
Maybe she was.
Speaker B
Maybe it's why she showed up at the house. Oh, my God. That would just make me feel like I couldn't imagine being that woman, like, going and showing up at his door.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, that. That's. That's really putting yourself out there.
Speaker A
It really is.
Speaker B
You know, like, that would be really hard.
Speaker A
He's not responding to text emails. I'm just gonna show up. Who would do that?
Speaker B
I mean. I mean, I think people do. Oh, yeah. I remember we talked this and you showed up, and then as soon as she answered the door, you realize, like, I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
Now I think back and I'm like, oh, it probably wasn't a good idea.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
But people are, you know, like, when you're going through, you do where you're just like, it. You know, whatever. Like, I'm gonna do this, and it's like, you know, like the movies, you're like, they're not responding to me. I'm gonna, like, show up there, and they're gonna be like, oh, my God. It's like, don't do that. It does not work like the movies.
Speaker B
It does not.
Speaker A
No.
Speaker B
No, it doesn't. But I get how you can get caught up in, like, how emotional the. You feel.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, and so you might kind of act out.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
But now.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
So.
Speaker A
So, yeah.
Speaker B
What did we say he should do? Tell his girlfriend is what you guys think.
Speaker A
I think. I think when you have nothing to hide. I know he's saying to avoid a huge argument, but I feel like it might make her trust you more if you're just open and honest. That's what I always think. If someone's, like, transferring parent and they act like nothing about it. Like, I don't know why she's texting me, but she did. I just want to let you know. So if you saw my phone, you'll think it's fucking weird.
Speaker C
I think either way is fine. Honestly. He could just be like, okay, use it kind of like a little, like, that made me feel good. And then just delete it. Or tell his chick, which, like, it's. It's like he doesn't even need to.
Speaker A
I mean, to.
Speaker B
I don't think that he needs to.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Personally, just because he's not responding, he's not engaging.
Speaker A
But what if she starts texting him again?
Speaker B
And I mean, honestly, it's like, do you need to be able to receive texts from your ex? Why don't you just block her if you're really moved on?
Speaker A
True.
Speaker B
You know, and you don't want to cause any issues in your current relationship.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, unless your girlfriend is okay with you having some level of a relationship with your ex and you desire that, then I think it should be a conversation.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
You know, True. Some people are pretty upfront about that. Like, yeah, I'm still friends with my exes, just so you know. And you're like, oh, okay. I guess.
Speaker A
Weird. But okay, good. Good to know.
Speaker B
Thanks for the heads up.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
Well, these were great.
Speaker A
These were. Keep them coming, you guys.
Speaker B
Absolutely. And please do not forget to rate and subscribe.
Speaker A
Five stars, please. Yes. Yes.
Speaker B
Thank you guys so much.
Speaker A
Thank you. Cheers.
Speaker B
Oh, God. Okay, there we go.
Topics Covered
Coffee and Cleavage podcast
friends with exes
relationship advice
dating dilemmas
ex-partner etiquette
hiking with ex
red flags in relationships
mutual breakups
dating boundaries
relationship comparisons
dealing with exes
dating tips
relationship dynamics
navigating past relationships
friendship after breakup
dating challenges