Technology
FISH AT A DINER?!?! (w/ Kat Bird, Leah Rudick, and Audrey Stewart)
In this episode of Bad Dates, host Joel Kimbooster is joined by comedians Kat Bird, Leah Rudick, and Audrey Stewart for a lively discussion about the quirks of dating app profiles and their personal d...
FISH AT A DINER?!?! (w/ Kat Bird, Leah Rudick, and Audrey Stewart)
Technology •
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Interactive Transcript
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Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another edition of the Bad Dates podcast.
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I'm your host Joel Kimbooster, and if you're just joining us for the very first time,
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which would be crazy, honestly, to jump in at this late stage of the game, the podcast
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has been around for years.
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Where have you been?
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Um, but no, I'm not here to shame you.
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I am here to explain what the podcast is.
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And it's right there in the name.
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Uh, we hear at the podcast, explore bad dates, bad hookups, bad relationships, bad marriages.
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We run the gamut here at bad dates.
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It really is a pretty open loose definition.
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Um, I invite some of my funniest friends.
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They mind their own relationship trauma for your enjoyment.
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And you are grateful to them.
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You're on your knees begging them for more every single episode.
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That seems intense, but that's just the name of the game here at bad dates.
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Thank you for tuning in.
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Um, joining me today, um, I feel like Charlie and Charlie's angels because it's, it's ladies
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night.
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We're a bad day.
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You got the loop girls.
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Uh, very excited for the, for our panel today.
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Joining me is an actress, a comedian who is an alumnum of the ground links.
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She played Sally Wright in the movie Sally, which we're at the Sunnetts film festival.
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And you can stream on Hulu and Disney plus.
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It's Kapper.
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Hello, Kat.
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Huge.
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I love, I want to hear all about that.
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Um, we also have a comedian writer and actress who has appeared on high maintenance.
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You can stream her debut comedy special Spiral Ring on Amazon and Apple.
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It's Leroy, everybody.
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Hello, Leroy.
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I think joining us and last but certainly not least, we welcome to comedian who is a recent
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new face of comedy at the Just for Last Festival in Montreal.
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She performed on the Netflix's joke festival and you can watch her new set on Don't Tell
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Comedy.
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It's Audrey Stewart, everybody.
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Hello, Audrey.
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Congrats on being a new face.
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I am a former new face myself, very old face.
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Now 10 years ago.
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I was in your face.
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Oh, yeah.
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So I am like your grandpa.
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Well, you still look like a young face.
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Yeah.
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I know why I always will.
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So ladies, thank you so much for joining us.
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As always, before we dive into your stories and your tales, we here at bad dates have an
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army of relationship experts that every week comes up with a new compatibility question,
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something that you can ask yourself or your partner in the early stages of dating to
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ensure success in your relationship.
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And the question that we have today is something to ask yourself, really, or your partner,
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really, but it is what is the biggest red flag on a dating app profile that you have
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ignored or seen?
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You don't, maybe you're at past the point of ignoring at this point, but something something
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that you have in their profile, a picture, maybe a kind of picture or a common phrase
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that you see in a dating app profile that just sends shivers down your spine.
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Bad dates.
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Cat Bird.
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We'll start with you.
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Okay.
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I'm so excited.
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You asked this question because I've been thinking about this for a while.
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Dating profiles that have their kid pictures in there, like four-year-old versions of
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themself.
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Yeah.
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Because I don't know how I'm supposed to react to that.
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I don't know if I'm supposed to be like, meet them and be like, oh man, you're not
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five.
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I know.
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I think that there is, because my thing with that is that there are, you have like, what,
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what's the cares?
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I haven't been on like a Tinder or something in that in a while, but you get like a limited
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amount of photos to show for yourself.
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And you've chosen to show a photo that gives me absolutely no context for how fuckable
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you are today.
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Totally.
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And if you do think they're fuckable, that's a problem.
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That's a problem.
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So it really is that like, at best case scenario, you're giving me no useful information.
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Worst case scenario, you're providing me with information that you think is important.
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Yes.
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And have you overlooked this on occasion?
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I have.
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And it's this is because, but the other pictures have to be like so good.
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Balance.
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Yes.
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Like, they have to be, I don't know, I have this like weird thing for skateboarders.
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So yes.
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So if there's a lot of skateboard pictures in there, I'm like, I'm in, and that'll counteract
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the child.
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The child.
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What about a child on a skateboard?
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Oh, it's my kryptonite.
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Everything you want.
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Same question for you, Leah.
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What is something that you're really kind of, you've never done dating apps?
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Oh, wow.
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Big, big.
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Wow, breathable.
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Wow, healthy.
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Yeah, I don't know.
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Because I've been with my husband for 13 years.
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Okay.
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So right around the time that they were starting to get big, but not really in the thick of
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it.
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But I did have a friend tell me the other day that she's been on the dating apps.
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And something that keeps coming up for her is people that will post, that will put in
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their picture like a plate of food.
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Which seems so.
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I'm stressed.
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I'm stressed.
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Like, I guess it's just like, there's just what I cooked.
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Like, so they're like, they're still in the photo or is it just the food?
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Just the food.
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Yeah.
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This is exactly the same problem as actually I would say even less useful than the child
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photos.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Is not even a photo of them just what they have cooked.
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Yeah, but not even what they've cooked.
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We don't know they've cooked.
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Oh, that's true.
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Yeah, just be taken.
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It was a beam.
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Like, are you, yeah, are you a good chef?
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Are you in a food play?
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What am I supposed to take from that?
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Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't.
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I don't know.
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Yeah, I don't know.
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This is my, like, really grinds my gears is when I see people taking photos of food.
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Like I went to a really nice dinner over the weekend at a three Michelin star restaurant.
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Okay.
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And like, every, they kept pausing to be like, do you want to take a picture of it now?
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And I had to turn to them at one point and be, I was with my partner and two close friends
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and I was like, no one at this table has anyone in their life who is interested in looking
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at photos of this.
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Did you tell that to them?
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Did you tell that to them?
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Yeah, I did.
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I was like, you, you can stop doing that because we do not know anyone.
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There's not, there's no, there's no one in my circle that needs to see a photo of what
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I ate.
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And how do you get that?
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And he was like, thank God.
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Yeah.
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All right.
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Last, but certainly not least, Audrey Stewart.
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Well, I got a couple.
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I like it.
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I feel like there's a, I was like, I got 10.
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So I, I mean, I was on the apps for a hot minute because like, now I have a boyfriend,
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but when I got broken up with my girlfriend, I was like, so you're, and you, so you have
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a lot of material here because you're, you're, you're running, you're running on both teams
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right now.
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So you're seeing the annoying things that, you know, a lot of different people are doing
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out there.
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Yeah, everything.
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But I, and I literally, well, like in that single period, I was like, I didn't know that
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Tinder is what you get on when you want to hook up.
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Oh, well, that's, so that's for straight people.
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Tinder is a hook up app for gay people.
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Tinder is like, I'm here for love and merit.
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So it's very confusing.
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Wow.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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So interesting.
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But I was like, well, then I'm getting on Tinder.
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Mama's horny.
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I don't know if we can say that.
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But I, I was scrolling and it was last I heard the FCC is not finding us for saying the
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word horny.
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Oh, yeah.
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Not because it's going to come up a lot.
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So I'm already right out.
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I'm actually already talking about it.
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But it was a lot of men like, it's the same thing.
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We're no one showing their face.
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It was like, it'd be like their torso.
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And it'd be like the flash in the mirror where it like blocks the face.
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It's like they're just six pack.
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When I was on the road, I was like, okay, well, I'm going to meet up with one of these
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torso.
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It's the same thing.
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It's like, what do you even look like?
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I'm like, lift your shirt.
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Are you the guy?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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It is incredible.
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Kind of like that.
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You, I have, I have on my grinder profile, which, you know, I, um, primary, I'm not looking
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for a relationship, obviously, I'm in a very happy relationship.
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But like, the, I have, most people have to say, like, face picture required.
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Like, I have like, I can't read.
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So I need photos.
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And the amount of people that expect you to show up at their home, it's great.
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Two have sex with them without ever showing you a photo of their face is remarkable.
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It's nuts.
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I went, but it's crazy.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I was about to say, like, lucky for them, I'm a really in the butter faces, famously.
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So as long as I can see what's going on below the neck, I am mostly okay.
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But for a normal person, that is strange.
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Yeah.
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That is wild.
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Um, and what was, you said you had a couple.
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Yeah, the voice, the voice note.
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Oh, that's like weird and intimate.
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Wait, what?
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Like, you could do voice.
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Like, you can be like, and they'll be like, my name is Marcus.
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I can sing in the back.
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The answer is part.
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Oh my god.
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Thank you for doing a, uh, fair use song, by the way, we can't afford license music on
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this podcast.
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Do you do one?
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I would scare them.
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Yeah.
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What's up?
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Let me suck at notes.
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Bad dates.
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Bad dates.
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We're going to start with Kat Bird.
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Now Kat, before you dive in, give the listeners and myself, since we're brand new friends.
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Yeah.
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A little context of where you're at now, relationship wise.
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What's your style?
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What is your history?
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How do you approach dating?
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Okay.
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Well, this is very loaded and, um, question for me.
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I'm just getting out of a marriage.
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Wow.
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So, yeah.
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So, we've, so about three months, been out of a marriage.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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Congratulations.
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Thank you so much.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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First one.
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Yeah.
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Um, for me, I'm bisexual, but I found that, like, in women dating women, it's, it's interesting
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dating women, because it's like, you're, they're so smart, you know?
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Yeah.
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Part of their trick up.
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So much.
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Yes.
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And so I feel like I have to be like on my game way more where I'm like, oh, you know,
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let's talk about your dad and like, like, just like, you know, whatever.
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You got to be on it.
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You got to, like, you, they like tap into, like, emotional conversations, like, sometimes
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I never have a man.
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I, in my life.
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And they're like, so what, what's up with your mom?
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I'm like, what did you just say?
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I don't know.
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Are you listening to me?
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That's crazy.
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Um, were you, um, were you practicing your bisexuality in the eight years that you're
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with your, uh, husband?
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Um, we were, before we were like, uh, in a serious relationship, we were, it was a little
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bit open.
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Got it.
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So, but yeah, I've been gay for like half gay for a while.
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Yeah.
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Um, so this is not, women aren't necessarily new to you.
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Oh, no, no, no, no.
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Um, it is, but you took it, you took a short hiatus.
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I took a short hiatus.
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Let him back.
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Oh, yeah.
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With a vengeance.
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With vengeance.
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Um, so yeah, so dating women's been, that's been fun.
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Um, Leah, uh, won't, are you, are you, what's your
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Kinsey scale if you don't mind?
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Oh, I'm like, I mean, I, I've always, um, identified as, as straight, um, but I think
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I'm a little like, I mean, you live in silver.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You're gay.
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So see, yeah, I like it.
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As much as, yeah.
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Just one, just one.
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Just one.
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I'm lucky.
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We're, we're in your, uh, timeline.
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Does your bad date story take place?
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Okay.
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Um, but the work, oh my god, I've had a, I had a, can I say, I had a threesome last week.
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Yeah.
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I told Sam about her boyfriend.
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I was right before.
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Why do you know, tell me that I know incredible.
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Yes.
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Well, the fact that he, this, Sam has discretion is crazy.
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Yeah.
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Um, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Uh, for sure, give it back to you.
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What was the makeup of the threesome?
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So, okay.
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Yeah.
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Uh, two girls, one guy.
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Okay.
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Um, and I, this is a truth.
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I swear to God.
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So I, I've hooked up with the girl, the woman, sorry, woman, uh, before and, um,
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yeah, and this part of baby, uh, let's, let's profile.
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Yeah.
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I was about to say between, the, the kid, your own girl.
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So I had hooked up with the woman before and then she, she message me in the morning
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and was like, hey, would you ever be one of, when I have a threesome?
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I was like, sure, why not?
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How did we source the guy in the threesome?
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This is this, this, she had hooked up with him before.
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Got it.
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So it was like a trusses, trusses, kind of like a, yeah, kind of like a, yeah, LinkedIn
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connection.
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And so she put me in a group chat with these, this guy and I was like, okay, send a picture.
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And I was like, of the face.
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And, uh, and I was like, okay, good to go.
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Did you get any pictures of any other?
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No.
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Okay.
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And I should have.
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Oh, yes.
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Oh, but for the, for the, the other side, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it
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was, yeah.
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And so this is what we don't talk about enough.
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Wait, his butt.
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Yeah.
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His ass hole is huge.
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Huge, huge gaping ass.
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Um, I had it.
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Yeah.
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She got her ankle, she broke her ankle, got stuck in it, twisted it.
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Um, so I knew you could think actually, it's what I feel profile.
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No.
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Um, yeah, we really like, obviously, um, size can be an issue in the extreme and either
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direction.
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Right.
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And we really don't address how, uh, the big ones can be equally as problematic.
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And sometimes more terrifying.
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Sometimes more at your, at least it's like, at least with a small dick, you're not in
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danger.
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Yes.
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Um, and now in the other, this guy has a huge weiner and also don't say weiner during sex
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stuff.
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Like dirty talk.
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I've learned that.
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Did you tell me did?
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No, I was like, hey, sorry, I love your big old weiner.
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Yeah.
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It freaked me out.
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I want to put that weiner in between these two buns.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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But yeah, but, but when I saw it, there's now multiple eyes on me.
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So I felt like more pressure, right?
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It's not just a normal like, I mean, no, and fair to say, like I've talked about this
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before on stage in other places.
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But like size is the thing that we seem to focus on so much with penises.
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And yet we never talk about how, um, the other aesthetic qualities of a penis because
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the thing is, it's like, um, I would much rather have a small, beautiful dick than a large
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dick that looks like a, a, a, a, that was buried underneath the ground.
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Yes.
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Still dirty.
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And she dug up, it looks like a root thatched the bowl.
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Like, um, you know that and we all, everyone is conjuring a photo of, of the one, of the,
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of the root vegetable dicks that you run into.
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I'm literally like, maybe I will go back to women.
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Um, so, but so we, we, we, okay, here's the thing.
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So we get in this group chat.
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She schedules the threesome.
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Like a Google calendar.
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Kind, yes.
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She goes Wednesday 930 PM sharp.
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She says sharp, which I was like, this is a lot of weird.
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Yeah.
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Like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,
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a, a, a, a, a, an, a implementing year to our rural units, and ja,
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yeah.
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I'm out.
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Oh, it's nine to three.
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Oh, it was just seven years ago.
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And so the Ch�� Day, um, something that's gone missing in the classroom.
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Yeah, I, I, my family, it was just like 930.
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because it did get on with me and it's so big of my family.
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It's so fun.
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It's a huge it's like it's crazy and my first thought is oh no is this the threesome
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My god, I did I'm going through the scenarios in my head of like
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The it could be worse, you know like if we can work honestly there could be a anybody could be on that pillow
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I like you said my is well be Michael be sure to imagine if it was like John McCain or
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Make this work so
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It wasn't they got it was it was a real man
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But yeah, but now you're questioning why she has a life-size pillow
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This is it yes because it was it was his frontal oh and then the back of the pillow was his back all like it was the back
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And are we talking like what in costume shirtless naked naked Michael was naked Michael was naked
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And he probably has and it goes like an AI I mean I it was great. She AI constructed this pants penis
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And put it on the pillow or Michael's just walking around
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Down town a lady with no idea that's to alert him. I know I know
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I know if you're listening
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Hey Michael, I don't love that um but continue so um of that so yeah, so realized
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Get to the home
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Really nice house by the way
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See the pillow then we start at small talk
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The guy is there. He's super he's like six four
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Like kind of a skinny white guy and it's always the skinny white guy
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My god with the huge hogs what's happening they have like a guinea pig down there
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So we sat down they had hooked up before so there but she was kind of she she's not very
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Gay so she was like we and made out but we never like oh gotcha and um
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What was that
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Is that how you guys are doing these days? Okay
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podcasting is a visual
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No
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Look at some yeah PowerPoint
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But we start talking and then he
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She she's like oh
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um
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In my home there's a bullet shot like in the window. There's like a bullet oh someone shot her window which so I'm gonna shot her window and
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I'm
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I'm like oh no is this like a really bad area. She's like sometimes there's bullet
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There's sometimes there's bullets that fly through the window. She's weird. Where were you in this like mid city?
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I didn't think it was that yeah like in Burbank
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Oh
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And again tough week to be talking about bullet. It totally also also a
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Yeah evergreen yeah
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um
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And then so we start to they start making out and then he kind of puts his hand on my knee and I'm like okay
spk_0
He's might like it's my turn you know so you gotta like
spk_0
It's all very logistical at a three-sub
spk_0
It really is and
spk_0
But I don't know I just felt like I needed to focus on her more because she
spk_0
I just feel very like when she didn't feel like she was like that
spk_0
Knowledgeable in the three-sub I've had a few if I'm being honest. Okay, this is amazing. I'm not here
spk_0
Yeah, I mean they're okay. I think three-sub are really overrated if not everyone is like I totally
spk_0
You know like I think it on paper you're like oh, there's not always enough for everyone to do exactly
spk_0
Especially depending on the general makeup of the three you know like I find and that there's just not always enough for everyone to do
spk_0
I prefer four or more that's it because you can pair off exactly white swap yeah totally like with three
spk_0
Some I'm like what do I do with my hands like I'm always kind of I just there's yeah
spk_0
You want them to have their moment and you're like should I just be on my phone
spk_0
It's like a game of two a series spit it and they're like left hand on to yeah
spk_0
Sometimes you can there is the feeling of like I'm waiting to be tapped in, you know, yeah, but you still want to look sexy while you're waiting for you to
spk_0
Taped in so you're just kind of like
spk_0
Waiting too long you're like on TikTok. You're like all right
spk_0
Yeah, so it was it ended it ended fine, but the the reveal
spk_0
of the
spk_0
And she
spk_0
Had seen it before so she was like very um how dare she give you a heads up she did not get a head up
spk_0
So she was pretty she was knowledgeable in that area and for me
spk_0
I felt like I was reading like Cyrillic for the first time
spk_0
Okay
spk_0
Yeah
spk_0
Uh-uh so
spk_0
This is sort of an object lesson for you cat in that like you really were so focused on getting photos of face
spk_0
Yes of a of the face of an adult and you didn't know
spk_0
That you you didn't know what you didn't know I didn't know you're right
spk_0
I was like I just need an adult picture. I didn't realize I needed a picture of the the weener
spk_0
Um, and are you and this is an interesting question do you do you guys the single or recently single?
spk_0
Um, folks at the table. Do you do you ask for dick pics? I don't know how women operate in this space
spk_0
You always hear that you don't want it, but it sounds like you should want it. I don't understand them
spk_0
I mean, I've received the nick. I'm like that looks like a squid. I don't understand like I like nothing about
spk_0
Receiving and not not a squid. Oh, you shit, but it's like
spk_0
Yeah, they're weird. Yeah anybody listening in your Kia. I'm gonna knock you right now
spk_0
But it's like I I've never been turned on by it. Mm-hmm. You're sort of you need the whole
spk_0
totality of a person
spk_0
All the parts added together. Yeah, now I have
spk_0
Now this is crazy to admit I'm gonna send this out loud. Yeah. Oh boy
spk_0
This guy in the military we were snapchat friends and he would do stuff
spk_0
I have a friend of military
spk_0
That's what I'm saying. Military feels like that's what they do. Yeah, they're out there and so you and so what was about it that you'd never done before?
spk_0
Well, I never said that out loud actually. I never told anyone that I had a little snapchat oh sex turn
spk_0
We all thought we were gonna be way more
spk_0
Yeah, yeah
spk_0
I'm like that is it is attractive to me when they're like doing stuff like you're just
spk_0
You need to see the penis in action. I gotta see an action otherwise like just your head and
spk_0
You know
spk_0
Somebody you're like I'm not going to the art gallery. I'm going to the movie theater. Yes. I need to see the talkies
spk_0
I don't want to read the book. I want to see the movie. I gotta see the make here's a you know
spk_0
Here's a really serious question for me that I have for you
spk_0
For you to answer for me. Do you send
spk_0
Pictures of vagina do women do you ever find that's good men want them and that women do you do you or do you
spk_0
Know women who send photos of their
spk_0
Yeah, I do okay. Do you do? I know people that send pictures of their vagines and for me
spk_0
For me. I don't think there's a good angle down there for me. I'll be honest. I have a hard time with the lighting
spk_0
I take in pictures and I'm like
spk_0
Whoa, I didn't even know that's what it looked like down there. Yeah kind of looks like you're dissecting a frog
spk_0
That's like it's crazy dumb. I don't know. I agree if you have like a beautiful like if you think this is I mean mine's like a hot dog
spk_0
For the listeners. I'm so sorry. Oh, but it's like I feel like it mines like we it's like weird
spk_0
So I'm not gonna be like look at this, but we should be able to just do it. Yeah, we should we should be
spk_0
No, I don't know. I should have feel like they're weird because yes, Dicks are we I was just about to say
spk_0
The normal like it is craved. They're all fucking weird
spk_0
Everything about what's going on down there is strange everybody is weird. Yeah
spk_0
But yeah, my big question is is there a mark? I suppose I can turn to our camera people or any of the straight men
spk_0
Is there a mark is there a market for vagina pictures like do is there a demand for it? I know a woman
spk_0
I had a friend who had a boyfriend who
spk_0
Loved for her to send vagina pics and he would put it as his like screen saver on his phone. Wow
spk_0
So there is
spk_0
You're like hey, could you like pull up your phone? You're like oh you're in a car accident the cops have to go to your phone and it's just a
spk_0
Bad
spk_0
Turning now to Leah Rudek
spk_0
Leah you mentioned you alluded to your your husband earlier in the pod
spk_0
Remind us how long have you guys been together 13 years 13 years? Wow that is massive and how and married for married for six
spk_0
Okay, so you got half and half going on and where um how did you meet what's the in New York?
spk_0
We both were at the time living in New York. We were both working at restaurants that
spk_0
Had like the same sort of ownership so we were kind of acquaintances
spk_0
And then we coincidentally ended up in acting class together
spk_0
You'd be surprised how many times this has been this has come up on this pod really people meeting and following up and acting
spk_0
Yeah, so actually maybe I will say it's come up that people meet in acting classes
spk_0
I would say you were an outlier and that you actually fell in love with some
spk_0
Yeah, yeah, um did you where you seen partners did you fall in love? We actually weren't we never did we we were not seen partners in class
spk_0
um
spk_0
But then there was a night where we all went to see a play and went to a little
spk_0
Dive bar after and he like hold up next to me
spk_0
This is beautiful. That was it. I know this is so beautiful. That's like this guys
spk_0
I
spk_0
Really
spk_0
spk_0
And log all of it too. I love to hear that um, so where in your history does your bad date story take place
spk_0
Well, I'm gonna go I'm gonna go way back um
spk_0
Because so I went to um
spk_0
Sarah Lawrence College and you're and there and there's where the little bit of bisexual
spk_0
I was gonna say
spk_0
Just the one just the one and so so I so if you I don't know if you know about Sarah Lawrence is a super like the most liberal arts college
spk_0
There is yeah, and it is also mostly women and when I was there it's like 70% women 30% men
spk_0
Um and the percentage of men within that 30% who are straight men is is much smaller
spk_0
So it's it's kind of an insane
spk_0
place for
spk_0
A straight woman to go because it is just like like a bit of a blood bath
spk_0
and the men who are
spk_0
In that position get this like super inflated ego because it's just like they have access to
spk_0
all the world all the resources
spk_0
um
spk_0
And so I and I move like I I'm from Ohio I
spk_0
I came I from like a pretty like
spk_0
Like just like suburban
spk_0
We're about to know how Cincinnati Cincinnati yeah like suburban conservative
spk_0
So so coming to this place was like truly culture shock for me. I was I was pretty sheltered like I
spk_0
I really like I was a virgin and it is a bit like you went straight from going
spk_0
Um, you were like attending an apple bees and now you've gone straight to burqine
spk_0
Um, in a lot of ways
spk_0
Um, yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. Yeah, Applebee's to burqine
spk_0
That's amazing. That's that's what it was
spk_0
Um, and I you know, I didn't I didn't um I was I was really out of my element and
spk_0
But I really wanted to date like I really I I I did want to and and so I there were there were a few sort of like
spk_0
Experiences where like these men would kind of the men that I shouldn't call them men. They were boys
spk_0
They would like court me and in these like in these kind of grand ways like it would be like
spk_0
There was one guy who would leave these little um like blocks in front of my door with little notes on them
spk_0
And then another guy who would leave like these like you know
spk_0
He was a poet and he would leave like poems like on my on my dorm. Oh
spk_0
There was another guy who like he he would like stare at me across the quad
spk_0
Romantic
spk_0
He wore a beanie and he would write a discount
spk_0
But then they would um, they would like disappear like he would be like they
spk_0
So intense and then it would be like onto the next one
spk_0
It's you're describing sleep paralysis demons
spk_0
perspective
spk_0
Days I have to say he was staring at me from across the quad and then suddenly he was gone
spk_0
I was like what is this? This is a romantic. Oh wow. This is a very just tail
spk_0
Um love bombers, right?
spk_0
Love bomb. I guess that's what it is. Yeah, love and then ghosting I guess to
spk_0
Yeah, yeah, but it was like nothing would even happen like I would like we would I went on a date
spk_0
And then it was like he would just and it was like then he was dating the girl who was in the next dorm over and I was like
spk_0
What did I what did I do?
spk_0
So it was sort of towards the end of my freshman year when I had had had like the series of of like being like oh this just like
spk_0
False starts
spk_0
And I was coming out of like a theater class and this guy approaches me who I had never seen before
spk_0
He didn't seem like he belonged at Sarah Lawrence. He was he was like kind of like a
spk_0
He was he was shorter. He was like a little bit shorter than me and he was kind of he looked like a wrestler
spk_0
I like Sarah Lawrence boys are sort of like emo artists like yeah
spk_0
Like skinny
spk_0
And and I'm like and he's like he asked me on a date
spk_0
He was like do you want to go to dinner and I like I wasn't attracted to him yeah at all
spk_0
But I was like yes, please
spk_0
I can such an unfortunate
spk_0
Common refrain on this podcast is I wasn't attracted to him but I said yes. Yeah. Yeah
spk_0
Well if you show attention on there, I know you got me a shot. I'll make out with you
spk_0
What yeah, you're like you guys you have to stop
spk_0
There are straight men who listen to this podcast and they are getting the wrong idea, okay?
spk_0
spk_0
So
spk_0
So he so I go yes, I would love to go on a date with you um
spk_0
And so he takes me to the diner the like local diner. I think it was I was a Apollo diner or something
spk_0
and
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I think he orders like fish or something like
spk_0
Oh my god
spk_0
Oh
spk_0
Disgusting um and and he starts to tell me about his life he says that he's in this like
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Open relationship
spk_0
He has a girlfriend, but it's like an open relationship and digging into hell yeah
spk_0
And then he starts asking me and then he starts
spk_0
He literally would not stop talking about how much he loved rim jobs
spk_0
Wow like and this was how many years this was
spk_0
2000
spk_0
Three wow they were really building them different
spk_0
It's very nice. I gotta say
spk_0
Licking the butthole that's licking the butthole. Yeah, he's kind of revolutionary
spk_0
Yeah, I was like or the bad
spk_0
I was so like mortified by it because I you know I like I was I was a virgin like I literally had like oh
spk_0
Yeah, I didn't know what was going on. He's like there's nothing better than a
spk_0
Then a girl licking your butthole
spk_0
Wait, so he's not licking the butthole. He wanted
spk_0
Nothing better than getting a hand job while getting your butthole licked. I mean
spk_0
Guys okay
spk_0
And and that was it like I don't know it's it's a that's a wild thing to bring up on a first day
spk_0
At a diner while eating
spk_0
So then we um we like go back we walk back like the dinner ends
spk_0
This is all I remember about is that all that's all he talked about and we he walks me back to my dorm
spk_0
And then he like kisses me and I again like I don't I'm so I didn't want that
spk_0
But I didn't know how to say no
spk_0
And it's just this like
spk_0
gross
spk_0
Fit like all I remember is like fit like the smell and taste of like fish. Oh
spk_0
What if you're like I look back and I give her and then I went back and
spk_0
And we did it for seven years
spk_0
Um and that was the end of it and then I never saw him again
spk_0
But I did learn the next day
spk_0
Someone was like oh you went on a date with that guy. He has like a girl like they're
spk_0
It's not it's not an open relationship
spk_0
And I was like oh
spk_0
So brazen so yeah
spk_0
I guess three two thousand so I it sounds like a man on a mission
spk_0
Who's like my girlfriend won't eat my ass and give me a hand job. Yeah, so I have to outsource yeah
spk_0
He picked the wrong girl. I gotta say I can't imagine what his asshole must have been like
spk_0
I mean after fish diner. Yeah, I can't even eat and fish. It tastes like fish in the mouth
spk_0
Taste like dirty pennies dumbbell. Um, just not dirty. Pappies. Hello. Yeah
spk_0
Turning to our last storyteller of the day Audrey Stewart
spk_0
You you also alluded you have a you're in a relationship right now you have a boyfriend. Yeah, I got a boyfriend
spk_0
He's great. He's a good time. I love him
spk_0
We've been together but two years now to you just got on nothing. That's nothing. Yeah, um, and how did you meet?
spk_0
Um, he's a stand-up comedy. Okay, it tells us all the time
spk_0
Yeah, you know, he was like the weirdest on the lineup. He was being so kind of weird. I was like this guy's hot of shit
spk_0
And it works and again you're encouraging then now to do stand-up comedy which I have a very strict rule against
spk_0
On this podcast, but I'll allow it today
spk_0
Um, so what was your daily style before meeting this man you you mentioned some girlfriends you mentioned some boyfriend
spk_0
I was absolutely unhinged and I was telling you what I
spk_0
So I was in a relationship with a woman too for like over a year and stuff. She's awesome. She's cool
spk_0
She's great. She did break up with me, you know, I don't know her which means yeah, I was
spk_0
I came out of nowhere which means it's like I need to do some self-reflection
spk_0
Yeah
spk_0
But she was awesome and then I kind of was brokenhearted after that and I had never
spk_0
Like had a full-blown like hook-up spree
spk_0
Like I didn't college. I was like one of the last people my story to lose every dinner
spk_0
And they had like a party from it. So it's like I was like very kind of like
spk_0
Not sexually, you know, and so when she broke up with me, I was like, I'm gonna have sex with everyone
spk_0
I
spk_0
Went to a wedding like
spk_0
Two weeks around zero
spk_0
Montana and like there's only yeah, and there's only
spk_0
Yes
spk_0
A lot of space
spk_0
That should be their motto there stay monot
spk_0
Yeah, a lot of space to
spk_0
Oh
spk_0
But yeah, and so the best man he's like a firefighter guy
spk_0
And he's single I'm single and I'm like show like transparent with him
spk_0
And I was like I would love to have sex with you
spk_0
And he was like literally like oh, yeah
spk_0
Then I was like great
spk_0
Got to have him and he so and we did after the welcome party
spk_0
So it was late night and we went into the woods and it was very like we've wrestled in had sex
spk_0
Oh my god, wrestling and like you sound like a Greek myth
spk_0
Well, I'm wrestling insects and then he goes this was crazy at me, but I was crazy and he was like
spk_0
Hey, that was a lot of fun. You should come. He's an aspen firefighter. He lives an aspen. Oh
spk_0
He goes you should is there a lot of fires in aspen? No, no, no, and he ended up being a volunteer once
spk_0
Oh
spk_0
Aspen uh, yeah, aspen north Dakota
spk_0
And he goes um, well, why don't you come stay with me and like fly out and stay with me and I go that's great
spk_0
And I was like I have a few days I booked my flight for a few days. He was like you should stay for like two weeks
spk_0
Well, yeah, and did you agree to that? Oh, yeah, they went out there immediately and I stayed with him
spk_0
So he was appealing to the lesbian part of you in that moment
spk_0
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was very confusing
spk_0
He was a straight man operating like a lesbian. Yeah, you have you fall out right away. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
spk_0
Oh, yeah, yeah, we went so I went there and he's like six roommates
spk_0
Oh, I'm staying two weeks and ask six roommates and then they're like a lot of them are women and they're kind of like
spk_0
I feel like he's done this a lot. Oh my god. He's adding. He's cut. He wanted you to move in. I
spk_0
He's collecting this
spk_0
He's collecting for a half-off rent
spk_0
You're about to be in your own sir Lauren sex call
spk_0
So true, I know I tell the story and I'm like and he goes like that was the same
spk_0
We all had to wait there. We're the same outfit
spk_0
They all had the same haircut the tracks suits it was weird
spk_0
Um, but yeah, so then uh, we're like hooking up. It's fine. Whatever. We decided to go camping and he we're taking a Subaru
spk_0
Maybe he really was a lesbian. Oh my god
spk_0
Oh
spk_0
My god. Yeah, we know I mean we are sort of inventing a new game on the podcast which is
spk_0
lesbian or serial killer
spk_0
Because it really is like you can just like little details here and they really do tip it in either direction because it's like
spk_0
He got really intense really soon owns a Subaru wanted to bring me out into the woods. It's like yeah
spk_0
Really only two things he's either emotionally like sort of overwhelming you or is about to murder you
spk_0
So it's gonna get and the game is gonna get even more fun for everybody because it it so we start driving up
spk_0
Like he's taking a super long like the Rockies like we're going up
spk_0
I'm like is this even that durable, you know, and we go and I'm gonna die but yeah
spk_0
Yeah, and we packed out call it cuz I thought if I'm gonna camp I'm gonna be drunk
spk_0
Yeah, yeah, I'm so I can't sober. What is that? No way, you know with a man you barely go in the wilderness
spk_0
Oh, yeah, that's that guy the tracks. Yeah, but he likes to wrestle like the rest of well, so he flips a switch. Oh my god
spk_0
And he goes and I dropped a piece of trash in his Subaru and he looks at me
spk_0
And it was on accident he goes I guess we're just trashing the Subaru
spk_0
And at this moment like everything flipped and he was getting so weird and then we like pitch the tent and stuff and I was like
spk_0
Well, thinking we're gonna have say and he was like
spk_0
The way I've sex and he was like um, I don't think we should hook up anymore
spk_0
Oh, and he goes like you just start of the camping. Yep
spk_0
He goes you're developing feelings for me
spk_0
Oh, and I go what and he goes and I actually can't drink. I don't think I should be drunk right now
spk_0
Oh my god, and I gotta say I would have been out the minute he referred to his car as the Subaru
spk_0
That is a behavior pattern that I don't appreciate yeah in anyone
spk_0
The
spk_0
Oh
spk_0
Yeah, okay, and he had a loaded gun
spk_0
Oh, yeah, you guys the dude
spk_0
Turn off the radio
spk_0
Yeah, cuz he was like there's a lot of like we were in the woods and he was trying to be like firefight
spk_0
But it was really and there's not service like yet the serial killer thing is becoming
spk_0
Yeah, and like the flipping of a switch. So then it's like so awkward
spk_0
But how many days were you meant to be camping like for and then we ended up cutting it after that
spk_0
We like went back. Yeah before the night ended. Yeah, no we slept to the night sober. Oh
spk_0
You're awake all night. Yeah, silly eyes open eyes open, but we have mutual friends. Oh, so in my head
spk_0
I'm like you're not gonna kill me surely yeah, yeah, cuz we have the locals and let's say I wanted me dead
spk_0
They're like she's annoying in the friend group
spk_0
Yeah
spk_0
Mutuals were all it took
spk_0
It took but essentially basically then we went back to his whatever I had two more days or unbroken
spk_0
I can't switch my flight was the change for you on united
spk_0
Yeah, so like we end up just like hanging as friends. He's so weird
spk_0
It's like the worst experience in my life and then instead of hooking up one time
spk_0
We went on a run together. We just started like he looked at me and we like rested
spk_0
He started wrestling with me and then I just started wrestling with him
spk_0
But we're like wrestling and we're not hooking up. We're just wrestling
spk_0
This is a that's um that's like
spk_0
15-year-old
spk_0
Gay boy behavior is that like when you don't know what else to do with your sexual frustration. So you just wrestle?
spk_0
There's a there's a safety there. Who won? Yeah, I think probably me right?
spk_0
I pin it down. Yeah
spk_0
It's hard for me to describe you as a winner in this situation. I have to be honest with you
spk_0
So what would you say you learned from that that has sort of steered you into the arms of an alt comic in LA?
spk_0
Well, I told him immediately. I was like just so you know when we started dating it was like I'm not wrestling. Yeah
spk_0
He was like great
spk_0
bad dates
spk_0
Wow, what an incredible
spk_0
Three tales that we were just subjected to
spk_0
I
spk_0
Yeah, traumatized by
spk_0
Very very fun. Um listen um that is the pod cat bird. Yes, where can the people find you? What are you doing these days?
spk_0
Yes, so you can find me cat bird comedy on Instagram. I also just started with my own little podcast called side boob pod
spk_0
It's really fun. So check that out. It's on Instagram. Yeah, yeah
spk_0
Learotic where can the people find you and why you do these days? You can find me on on Instagram. Leo Brudic
spk_0
I think it's Leo underscore Brudic or on tiktok. I'm I'm on twive. I have some tour dates coming up which are on
spk_0
Instagram or my website LeoRudic.com amazing amazing check around Audrey Stewart. Where what are you doing these days?
spk_0
Working the people find you can find me at Audrey stew is art. I just is like Audrey stewart
spk_0
I'm art but it's anyways you can find it there and you can see by website my tiktok I got some dates coming up too
spk_0
But please calm. I really
spk_0
Please don't wrestle me talking
spk_0
I don't wrestle you need your album cover needs to be you in a singlet
spk_0
Not gear all of it
spk_0
So this is um thank you guys all of you for joining us today
spk_0
Again, if you have a story of your own that you like to share with the pod or a piece of advice that you'd like to be answered or
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a compatibility question you'd like me to ask my panel the email address is baddatespod at gmail.com drop us
spk_0
Line we'd love to hear from you um and if you liked what you heard today
spk_0
Please go and give us a rating and review wherever you are listening to this podcast
spk_0
It helps people find the pod and yeah, that's all the business I have for today. I'm Joel Kimbooster
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I'll see you next week with more tales of bad dates. Bye. Bye
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Baddates is a production of smartless media created by Robert Cohen executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stewart Bailey
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Produced edited and engineered by Devon Tori Brian produced by Anne Harris edited by Kyle McRod
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Associate producer is Maddie McCann
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Social media producer is Tommy Galgona executive producers are Sean Hayes will our net and Jason Dagnan
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Executive producers for smartless media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky
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Music by Kushi and Evan Schlecker if you've had a bad date or would like our advice on any dating issues
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Please tell us about it at baddatespod at gmail.com or call us at 984-265-3283
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That's 984-265-3283
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That's all for this week we will be back for more bad dates
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You