Episode 21: Dumpster Fire

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Thanks for supporting the Fable and Folly Network.

spk_0 Here's another show we know you'll love.

spk_0 Where am I?

spk_0 Welcome to Desert Skies, Traveler.

spk_0 Your journey through the physical plane has come to an end.

spk_0 I am the attendant.

spk_0 My colleague here is the mechanic.

spk_0 Yo!

spk_0 This is your last stop on your way to the Great Beyond.

spk_0 It's our job to make sure you're prepared for the ride.

spk_0 Now, before hitting the road, we have an impressive selection of over 34 varieties of microwavable burritos.

spk_0 Um, where, where? What's going on?

spk_0 There's gotta be a better afterlife than this.

spk_0 I mean, come on!

spk_0 That's offensive.

spk_0 Something seems to be wrong, too.

spk_0 You left something major. Undone.

spk_0 I have a life outside of this gas station, you know.

spk_0 You quite literally do not.

spk_0 Any hobbies? Nope.

spk_0 Ever travel? No, love interests?

spk_0 Are you kidding?

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 You're like the human version of a plain bagel.

spk_0 Cash register.

spk_0 How can I help you, attendant?

spk_0 Play some music?

spk_0 You got it.

spk_0 It's kind of funny, though.

spk_0 What I needed wasn't back there.

spk_0 It was here.

spk_0 Waiting for me.

spk_0 I wonder what it feels like, Mack.

spk_0 To miss the physical plane.

spk_0 The people.

spk_0 You left behind.

spk_0 You know, I had a wife who died three years ago.

spk_0 Wish I could go back.

spk_0 No, you don't need to go back.

spk_0 You just need to be here.

spk_0 And a new traveler approaches.

spk_0 Ready, team?

spk_0 Ready, attend it.

spk_0 Good.

spk_0 Let's do this.

spk_0 Find Desert Skies.

spk_0 Wherever you listen to podcasts.

spk_0 Hey, this is Danny.

spk_0 Thank you so much for checking out the show.

spk_0 We've had a blast putting this series together

spk_0 over the past two years.

spk_0 Huge thanks to all of her amazing wonderful writers

spk_0 who were willing to share their work in season one.

spk_0 This episode is our season one finale.

spk_0 We'll be taking a short hiatus after this episode.

spk_0 And it's all goes well.

spk_0 We'll open up for story submissions

spk_0 and get to work on season two before too long.

spk_0 Today for the finale, we're thrilled to bring you a story

spk_0 called Dumpster Fire.

spk_0 It was written by Bob Ramunda

spk_0 from Rogue Dialogue Productions.

spk_0 After you listen to this episode,

spk_0 be sure to check out their other work

spk_0 and shows like Windfall, Forgive Me, and Greater Boston.

spk_0 Thanks for listening to season one

spk_0 of someone just like you.

spk_0 Someone just like you is a horror series.

spk_0 We frequently feature unsettling depictions of modern life.

spk_0 Check the show notes for episode-specific content mornings.

spk_0 Listen to discretion is advised.

spk_0 My fingers bend backward and beg me.

spk_0 Please let us write a story for them.

spk_0 Let us peel back their skin

spk_0 to reveal the horror lurking beneath.

spk_0 Pain that feels all too familiar.

spk_0 Tourment that hits too close to home.

spk_0 This isn't an alternate dimension.

spk_0 This isn't a liminal realm or a divergent timeline.

spk_0 These horror are here and now this could happen too.

spk_0 Someone just like you.

spk_0 So, Ms. Ramsey Hall,

spk_0 your fans have been begging that we ask you

spk_0 when we're going to get season three of Dumpster Fire.

spk_0 Oh, I'm not so sure about that one.

spk_0 I feel rather proud of how we've wrapped things up already.

spk_0 That you can't want to abandon the project completely.

spk_0 That show is just so raw and real and relevant.

spk_0 And it's clear from both seasons that you're putting

spk_0 absolutely every single solitary atom inside of yourself into the show.

spk_0 That you're plaguing the depths of your real personal life

spk_0 and twisting it only just enough to show us how truly messed up it is to be you.

spk_0 I'm contractually obligated to tell you that I can never quite say never to Maldives,

spk_0 especially with how many houses she's bought and paid for my team.

spk_0 Even if I'd really rather put the whole thing well in truly the bed.

spk_0 Is it true that the last episode employed a covert production team

spk_0 so that you wouldn't have to have control over the whole finished playward covert?

spk_0 I knew that they were there, but I did hand over the reins on all the final decisions to Kevin.

spk_0 Yes, that was his job as the director.

spk_0 I have to admit that that last shot was sort of a cop out though, right?

spk_0 Like you have to show us who she saw on the other side of that door.

spk_0 Really don't.

spk_0 Those were intentional choices made by a very caring team

spk_0 who was proud of what they'd done and ready to move on.

spk_0 I'm just saying it's a missed opportunity to you.

spk_0 I know, I've read the comments.

spk_0 I know what you all think I should do, but do you want to know what's on the other side of that door?

spk_0 Right here, right now.

spk_0 No way, really.

spk_0 I'll tell you about it.

spk_0 And then you can print it and be the one who got the scoop.

spk_0 You have no idea how much that would need to be.

spk_0 No, I think I do.

spk_0 Well, by all means, be my guest.

spk_0 So we open with a tight close up on my face, yeah?

spk_0 The same exact one I was making in the final frame.

spk_0 And for a second, it looks like she's about to get that happy ending you've all begged for.

spk_0 There's a twinkle in her eye that just screams, it's Toby!

spk_0 And they've got a fistful of sunflowers in a bag of greasy takeout

spk_0 and they're going to drop all of that on the ground so that the two of them can immediately start ripping each other's clothes off.

spk_0 Only...

spk_0 That's not actually what's happening at all.

spk_0 The twinkle is replaced by abject horror as her eyes gloss over.

spk_0 They drift downwards and the shot changes for the first time,

spk_0 but instead of seeing who's in front of her, we see another tight shot.

spk_0 This time on her stomach, which is grasping with both hands,

spk_0 blood gushing out between them.

spk_0 Somewhere in the background we realize the sound DF's just heard wasn't.

spk_0 Her upstairs neighbor, Randy, slamming the door like usual, it was a gunshot!

spk_0 And even before we finally see who's standing across from her,

spk_0 we pan back up to her eyes and track them as her body crumbles to the ground.

spk_0 And then it cuts to black.

spk_0 In the series for a second time in a deleted scene out of the bonus feature on the release of our remastered series finale,

spk_0 that I wasn't even here to tell you about.

spk_0 Can somebody get this fucking thing off of me?

spk_0 I'm done. That's it for today. That's all of it.

spk_0 You can't be serious.

spk_0 Dead serious, buddy.

spk_0 Now I hope you'll excuse me, but I need you to get the fuck out of my face.

spk_0 I'm sorry, Mr. Ramsay Hall, but there is absolutely no reason to be hostile.

spk_0 No, excuse me, gravy brain there is.

spk_0 You know how many fucking times I've had to say that same shit over and over again?

spk_0 How long have we been talking now and how many questions have you asked me about glitter teaming?

spk_0 The project I'm actually here to promote,

spk_0 which in case you were wondering, is really fucking good, by the way.

spk_0 It's some of the best work I've ever done.

spk_0 And if you babies would take your heads out of your asses for a fucking second,

spk_0 you would realize that too, and we could all just fucking move on.

spk_0 From the thing I made when I was 26 years old and drunk all of the time.

spk_0 You're going to regret that, you know.

spk_0 Excuse me?

spk_0 What you just did, once you can't take back.

spk_0 Look, lady, I'm just trying to relax, dammit.

spk_0 Could you let me drown my sorrows in peace?

spk_0 That's fine, honey. Just don't say I didn't want you.

spk_0 You're going to eat those pretty words of yours before this day is through.

spk_0 Who the fuck says that?

spk_0 Jesus, did that woman put you up to this?

spk_0 What did she pay you or something?

spk_0 Let me take care of that, Miss. Please, you'll cut yourself.

spk_0 I'm so sorry. Did you see that old hag? She creeped me the fuck out.

spk_0 I didn't see you talking to anyone.

spk_0 You've got to be kidding me. You couldn't have been standing more than six feet away from us.

spk_0 Maybe it's good you weren't able to finish this one.

spk_0 Oh fuck you asshole. I bet you feel really good about yourself telling another woman that she's crazy.

spk_0 How many is this today? Six, seven?

spk_0 Don't think I didn't see the way you were talking to that busser you dirtbag.

spk_0 Man, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

spk_0 Fine with me, Dick. I've had enough of you anyway.

spk_0 Hello.

spk_0

spk_0 Are you kidding me, Ed?

spk_0 Oh, stop. You know that Shelley can kill that clip before it ever sees the light of day.

spk_0 I take it. You haven't already looked at your phone tonight.

spk_0 No, and I wasn't planning to either.

spk_0 It died ages ago and I forgot to bring the charger.

spk_0 I know the embargo was lifted.

spk_0 I know the credit's synced shit.

spk_0 You don't have to baby me. I'm a big girl.

spk_0 I mean, yes, it wasn't yes they do, but that's not what I'm talking about.

spk_0 Anthony, honey, just tell me what the fuck happened. I wasn't kidding about the charger.

spk_0 And I'm already in my cozy clothes. I'm not going anywhere.

spk_0 That little stunt of yours is already making the rounds. The network's pissed.

spk_0 Oh fuck the network. This will make their money.

spk_0 Not about that. You idiot. They've already been courting a writer's room for season three.

spk_0 And how many times have I told you that I'm not doing that shit?

spk_0 It doesn't matter. Your contract says differently.

spk_0 You're going to do this and you're going to duel with a smile.

spk_0 But it's fine.

spk_0 We'll lean into it. I can tell them it was all a bit that you were doing in a elaborate ruse to throw people off.

spk_0 No, I'm done with the stick.

spk_0 I've moved on to bigger and better things.

spk_0 I don't need to stoop to their level anymore.

spk_0 We can get out of the contract just relax.

spk_0 This will all be over soon.

spk_0 You really need to reconsider.

spk_0 The offer isn't getting any bigger at this point.

spk_0 It's not about the money, Anthony. I'm not biting my time to get more from them.

spk_0 It's about the moral bankruptcy I'd feel if I went back on my word and made any more of that piece of shit vanity project.

spk_0 So you haven't listened to your voicemails either.

spk_0 I'm going to need you to stop being so fucking cryptic.

spk_0 Well, you've been dropped from a few things.

spk_0 Which things?

spk_0 All of them must be joking.

spk_0 Nobody's interested in a loose cannon these days.

spk_0 When you're younger, it's cute and all, but you're getting older, heated.

spk_0 I'm only 35.

spk_0 You weren't born on a leap day kid.

spk_0 What are you trying to tell me?

spk_0 I'm saying maybe take it easy on that medicine you're drinking over there

spk_0 and maybe think about reconsidering that offer if you know what's good for you.

spk_0 The network's probably the only shot you've got left at being relevant.

spk_0 ...

spk_0 Get the bloody hell out of me.

spk_0 What the hell are you?

spk_0 Oh, you always were a kid I learned to you.

spk_0 This is a dream.

spk_0 You're dreaming.

spk_0 Gosh, how many of these did I take?

spk_0 More than enough from the looks of you, but no, you're not dreaming, I'm here.

spk_0 And I've got a bone to pick with you.

spk_0 I must be out of my mind.

spk_0 Yes, you absolutely are.

spk_0 That doesn't change the fact that we've got to talk.

spk_0 This can't be real.

spk_0 Look, I don't really understand how I got here either, but clearly we've got to do something

spk_0 about it.

spk_0 What do you mean?

spk_0 I mean, you're obviously spiraling out of control here.

spk_0 You're tanking your career on a fundamental level.

spk_0 You're throwing temper tantrums and shouting at bartenders and basically overdosing on

spk_0 Ativan just a function?

spk_0 How is this any better than what we had?

spk_0 That's real rich coming from you.

spk_0 Your entire existence was a physical manifestation of one of my temperate tantrums.

spk_0 At least people liked me.

spk_0 Do you really think anybody gives a crap about this art house nonsense that you're sending

spk_0 direct to streaming?

spk_0 They'll maybe half watch the first act on their mobile while filing expense reports in their

spk_0 pants.

spk_0 They're not going to love this mature version of you any more than they loved me.

spk_0 Don't you think I know that?

spk_0 Don't you think I've been hearing that sentiment from basically everyone alive?

spk_0 But you can't blame me for just wanting to grow up.

spk_0 I'm ready to move on to do something different with my life to challenge myself artistically

spk_0 in ways I just don't think you ever had the chops to match.

spk_0 Oh, you sanked amonious bitch.

spk_0 You aren't better than me.

spk_0 You are me.

spk_0 And if you could just accept that, we could let everything go back to the way it should

spk_0 be.

spk_0 No, I'm sorry.

spk_0 I don't care what part of my fractured psyche you're coming from right now, but we're

spk_0 over this.

spk_0 We're beyond it.

spk_0 We let those thoughts define the way we felt two years ago, but not anymore.

spk_0 We've done enough therapy for this to stop.

spk_0 I didn't want to do this.

spk_0 I thought that everything would be better if we were together again, but no, you won't

spk_0 have that.

spk_0 So I have to take matters into my own hands.

spk_0 Wait, you just had to kill me, didn't you?

spk_0 You couldn't just let that little snot nose brat ask us stupid questions, let them

spk_0 think that we'd give them all.

spk_0 You couldn't let me think that there was some slight possibility that I would get to be

spk_0 living.

spk_0 And the more you think, I did this world again, even only for just a little while.

spk_0 Just had to snuff out any possible existence of a timeline where I can remember what it's

spk_0 like to be alive.

spk_0 Oh well, you can't say that you didn't have this coming.

spk_0 Do you know what fucking time it is?

spk_0 Oh no, I had it looked, but I just couldn't wait to tell you this.

spk_0 Tell me what?

spk_0 That I finally had the perfect idea for Dumbster Fire Season 3, and I'm ready to get to work

spk_0 on it right now.

spk_0 That's very nice of you.

spk_0 I'm glad to hear your listening to reason, but I'm going back to sleep now.

spk_0 Okay, honey, I'll send you the details ASAP.

spk_0 Dumbster Fire was written by Bob Ramunda, and performed by Nadia Sepsunwall, Emily Battles,

spk_0 Sean Williams, Danielle Ellet, and Bob Ramunda.

spk_0 The Fabel & Falling Network, where fiction producers flourish.

spk_0 Modes of thought in in Terran Literature, second year classics, Harbor University.

spk_0 Seven years ago, a Chinese military sub accidentally went down in the Pacific Ocean.

spk_0 Turns out, the sub fell smack in front of a gigantic three-sided pyramid in the ruins

spk_0 of what we now call dark city.

spk_0 This intern, the class, seems like there's a lot of debate about it legally.

spk_0 I cannot stop you from teaching this class, but I strongly advise you.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 You know what, if you want to tank your reputation, that's on you.

spk_0 You don't believe a word I say about it, right?

spk_0 You're right.

spk_0 I do not believe Antara exists.

spk_0 I only need to know.

spk_0 Is everything?

spk_0 You came all the way to China to find out?

spk_0 Okay, everyone, get out right now.

spk_0 Now, Raquel, what the hell are you doing?

spk_0 I'm gonna cut my hands, and you're all gonna feel it.

spk_0 Ow!

spk_0 See, I told you.

spk_0 Modes of thought in an intern literature, an audio drama, produced by Wolf of the Door

spk_0 Studios.

spk_0 For more information, please visit wlfdr.com.

Episode 21: Dumpster Fire

Interactive Transcript

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