Comedy
Ep. 1: Entitled Karen Steals Food From Someone Else's Table
In the inaugural episode of 'Fuck You, Karen,' the host explores the outrageous behavior of entitled individuals in public spaces, focusing on a cringe-worthy dinner experience. Through a ca...
Ep. 1: Entitled Karen Steals Food From Someone Else's Table
Comedy •
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Interactive Transcript
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Music
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Carons.
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The reason we hate going out in public
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The reason we lose it in public at times.
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And though the reason a shit ton of users scrolled right at.
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Today I'm starting a new podcast to dive into why we all tend to say
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Fuck you, Karen.
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So yes, this new podcast is called Fuck You, Karen.
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And it's basically laying out why people
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tend to say that statement so many times.
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And how Reddit showcases how shitty carons can be in life.
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So I'm looking at many sub-reddits.
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So there's a lot of them can contain Karen.
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But I think the most prevalent Karen stories
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come from our slash in title pants and that's where we will start.
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Alright, first up.
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Staring at the, from staring at the sun, titled entitled Mother
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ends my engagement and gets me banned from a steakhouse all in one night.
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Honestly that, the title of the story is just beautiful.
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Oh my gosh, I am so glad I found this sub.
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Here we go. I can finally air my uncensored frustration
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about the night my engagement was single-handedly corrupted by my
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entire mother-in-law.
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Let's call her Ellen because she always reminded me of Ellen DeGeneres,
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even before all this recent news broke.
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Okay, so my girlfriend and I were really engaged to be engaged.
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We'd both agree we wanted to get married, but I hadn't done the formal
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proposal yet because we wanted to meet each other's family's first and
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that it'll live nearby.
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My girlfriend met them for a few hours once we were alone.
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Just me and them.
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I told them my intentions and my mom asked,
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does she have any kids already?
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And my dad asked, does she have a good solid job?
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And they both ask, you really love her?
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And that was that.
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I had their full support for the marriage.
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I thought meeting her parents would be the same.
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Some grilling was to be expected, but as long as I was honest and respectful,
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it would all be fine.
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These words are just like seriously getting me killed in me right now.
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You know what's gonna happen, but like, let's move on.
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Relive in fact they had my girlfriend when they were teenagers by surprise,
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so now had a do-over daughter, their words not mine, who was just six years old.
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Okay, very cool.
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My girlfriend and I made the trip up to their city and I met them for the first time
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over dinner at a steakhouse.
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It was pretty upscale and we'd scheduled the dinner for 8 pm,
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so I was surprised to see they'd put the kid along with them.
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I met everyone once in the initial awkwardness settled once we sat down.
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We were making great small talk when the six-year-old said she was thirsty.
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No big deal, right?
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Well, all of sudden, Ellen's...
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So...
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I'm reading a few lines ahead.
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No big deal, right?
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All of a sudden, Ellen started screaming.
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Water?
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Water?
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Water?
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Yes, it's water question mark, water exclamation point, water...
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Water, no caps, question mark, exclamation point.
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A waiter came rushing over to see what all the commotion was,
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and without even making eye contact with the poor guy, Ellen went,
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we've been here forever and no one's even gotten us any water.
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My daughter's been asking.
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He'd been sitting for about 15 or 20 minutes without service,
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but they were visibly behind and there were no circumstances
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that could have warranted that shouting.
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I should have realized from how unfazed everyone else was at the table
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that I should be bracing myself for a long night,
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but I couldn't imagine what was to come at that point.
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The guy seemed sincere and quite friendly,
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so I thought the water would just be an anomaly and an otherwise pleasant night.
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Then Ellen kicked into gear.
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We'll need a kid's menu, she informed the waiter.
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He said that they didn't have a kid's menu,
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but the chefs could simplify most dishes.
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What do you mean you don't have a kid's menu?
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She replied in total disbelief as though he said
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that they didn't have a fire exit.
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He explained that they didn't get too many child visitors
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and that there were enough plain foods on the menu
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that no separate menu had ever been necessary.
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Ellen sighed dramatically and waved him away,
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literally without saying a word, waved him up from the table.
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I tried to give him an apology at a glance, but understandably,
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he didn't look back our way.
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I was so glad the poor guy left
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and didn't have to be subjected to her anymore.
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Meanwhile, she turned her attention to me
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and I almost switched, he'd come back.
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At least he was getting paid to fee here.
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She was like, so you're a screenwriter?
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Well, yes and no, I want to be,
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but it's hard to get a job in that field
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that you can support your cell phones.
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So I'm working on a nonprofit right now.
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There's a screenwriting component to the job though,
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so I'm really happy there.
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Ellen turned to her six-year-old and went,
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here's that hun.
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You want to be sure to snag a man who works for a profit.
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Learn from this, it's not too late for you.
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Really, I thought I had living here, but like,
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works.
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You're telling a six-year-old, okay,
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this is just me first, I am.
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You're telling a six-year-old relationship advice,
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how to get a man that works for a profit,
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when she's six years old.
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Bitch, you don't have to think about that
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till you're out of high school, you're in,
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she's fucking six years old.
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I couldn't tell if she was trying to be funny or not.
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So I just let it pass, looking over to my girlfriend
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to see if she was even considering speaking up on behalf.
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Nope.
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The waiter came back visibly nervous.
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That hurt because he was so relaxed
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and personal at the start of the meal.
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He asked if we'd like to hear the specials before
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we ordered an Ellen said sure.
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Here's how that went.
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First, we have a lightly seared strips to next.
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Oh, okay, then we have a broiled like a grass fed next.
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We have a pasta, Primavera,
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Prosta Primavera mixed with a next.
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And Anon and Anon, he gone through all seven or 10 specials
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although she ultimately ordered off the menu
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of plain ribeye well done.
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Okay, funny.
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And Anon and Anon, he, Anon and Anon
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until he'd gone through all of the seven or 10,
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oh wait, not wrong line.
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She tried to order her daughter the same
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but the kid said she just wanted plain mashed potatoes
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so Ellen let her get mashed potatoes alone for dinner.
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Then she sent the waiter away.
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The rest of us hadn't even ordered yet
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and everyone else sat there like it was entirely normal.
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I don't see what the problem is with that.
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No problem with that, right?
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It's like, only I get food.
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I waited for someone to say something
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thinking it was more her older daughter,
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my girlfriend's place or her husband's
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but when no one's dead, I couldn't help myself.
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I was one stake in potatoes going to be all for all of us
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or my girlfriend explained the tone.
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You'd use for tours violating a sacred local taboo.
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My mom always, I thought she was joking
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since Ellen didn't just order her kids food.
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She also ordered her own dinner too.
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So I laughed.
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Something funny, Ellen asked.
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Then I realized she was serious and I shut up.
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Thankfully her dad at least recognized
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that what was normal for them might not be as regular to me
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and tried to lighten the mood with a change of topic.
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But not even 10 minutes after we'd ordered,
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I guess technically five minutes after we'd ordered,
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10 minutes after she and her daughter had ordered.
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Ellen started it again.
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Another table that had been there long before we were got
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a side of mashed potatoes with their meal.
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Ellen, oh God.
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Ellen threw a total conhipption.
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She was sputtering so unautically that none of us
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could figure out what was wrong at first.
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Finally she managed to flag down some bus boy
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of barely spoke English and began laying it into him.
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Like he just side-swiped her on the freeway.
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He kept trying to explain that he wasn't a server
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and he could go get one.
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But she wouldn't stop to breathe long enough to...
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He kept trying to explain he wasn't a server
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and he could go get one.
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But she...
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He kept trying to explain that he wasn't a server
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and he could actually go get one.
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But she wouldn't stop to breathe long enough
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for him to find someone who could actually help.
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All the while I kept looking at my girlfriend
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for signs of embarrassment.
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Or at the very least irritation.
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But you wouldn't have known if she was...
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Our waiter came over somehow still mustering a smile
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despite knowing what he was walking into
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and Ellen actually goes,
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Why did that table get mashed potatoes and ours
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haven't come yet?
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The waiter kindly but concisely explained,
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Well, man, those people ordered potatoes
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before your party had placed their order.
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Ellen looks this man dead knee-eye finally and says,
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Well, it doesn't matter when they ordered it.
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My daughter is the youngest one here.
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Her food should come out first.
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Yes, because it takes...
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It should somehow take longer for the people
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who ordered well before you even fucking show it up
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to the restaurant to get your potatoes first.
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He explained it was a first-come, first-served basis.
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Policy-nage didn't help one way or the other.
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Yeah, for to go check on the potatoes, Ellen agreed,
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or more specifically said,
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Yeah, you better.
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But I was clocking him and he went right back
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to his server station because we only had just ordered
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a few minutes ago.
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Three or five more minutes pastering
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which we could have no other discussion at the table
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except how awful this restaurant was,
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how hungry the poor baby was who had instead of word,
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about being hungry this whole time
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and was contently playing her loud iPad game
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without headphones disturbing all the other diners around us
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and how America has lost all respect for motherhood
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because it's just a me, me, me culture now.
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I chimed in.
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I'm with you on the last part
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and to my utter shock instead of laughing at my joke,
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my girlfriend seemed annoyed with me.
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So after a few minutes, the waiter comes back
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and says the potatoes will be out very soon.
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Ellen then goes and does something that again,
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I thought was just a myth.
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She took three singles and a five out of her wallet
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and put them on the table in full view of the waiter
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that she took one single away and said,
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Every table I see getting potatoes before us is a bill gone.
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I was absolutely mortified.
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The waiter to his on-ending credit
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just took a deep breath and said,
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I don't have any control over the order
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in which the kitchen fires tickets,
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but what I can tell you is it should be out any minute
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and left without saying anything disparaging.
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I had been holding my tongue all night as well
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in the name of my relationship.
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But once the tip hit the table,
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the $8 tip for a $100 bill on top of all else.
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I figured if my girlfriend was half the woman,
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I thought she was,
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then she wouldn't mind speaking up at this point.
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If anything, she'd be supportive, right?
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So I scooted my chair back a bit and said,
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listen, I know what you're doing
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with the cash on the table,
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but that kind of thing makes me really uncomfortable
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and it's just not called for,
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please put the money away
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or we can just continue this some other time.
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My girlfriend's dad spits back,
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what?
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How cheap do you have to beat
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and not believe in tipping service workers?
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Before I could process whether he was serious
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or yanking my chain and Ellen shocked me with,
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no, you know what, you're right, this isn't necessary.
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I should have known better than to be relieved.
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She folded the bills back into her wallet,
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patiently waited for the next plane
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to match but it was to be carried out in a one-o-and,
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and when it wasn't delivered to us,
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it was a very common side dish at this place,
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a steakhouse of all places.
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She went right up to a stranger's table
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and picked it up off their table.
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She asked me something about her daughter starving to death
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as she was walking away with the stranger's food,
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but unsurprisingly, that wasn't convincing enough for him.
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The old lady she took it from followed her right over
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to our table and tried to take it back.
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I was already searching for my coat tag in preparation to go
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but the shoving match was beginning to unfold
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between Ellen and an elderly woman
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with a tennis ball walker and far-beat,
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and far-beat from me to sit through all that had happened
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only to leave just as the night was getting interesting.
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Elderly woman was like, give me back my potatoes, who are you?
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And the poor little girl was like, mommy, it's okay,
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don't take someone else's potatoes.
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I, you know, the stories where they're both entitled,
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like the kid and the parent are shit
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and those are just bad, but like when the kid is actually
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saying, saying, I don't give a shit,
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just do what's, just don't steal.
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Like when a six-year-old says,
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you don't have to steal someone else's potatoes,
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you should listen to the six-year-old.
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The fact that the six-year-old took the time
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to look the fuck up from their iPad game
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to just fucking say, I don't want it.
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I don't just give it back.
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But it all fell on deaf ears,
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Ellen yelled at the old lady,
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how could you just sit there and eat these
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when my daughter hasn't even been served yet?
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She's sitting here hungry, just a little girl,
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and you're over there stuffing your face?
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Come on, other potatoes will be out any minute.
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And the old lady got a lover, it was like,
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great, if they'll be out any minute,
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then what's the fucking problem?
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To which Helen still found holder
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than Thou Ground, gasping, language, please.
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Finally, the waiter in this time, someone higher up as well.
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I think the manager, thank God,
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came over to separate them.
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As they had begun to raise their voices
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and cause a disturbance,
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Saf had already asked Ellen to turn down
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her daughter's iPad multiple times of that heat
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and I'm casting the waiter in for management
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about the tip on the table stumps she pulled
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because this was the final straw.
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They told us we were gonna have to leave the restaurant,
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but we don't even have our food yet.
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Ellen complained at the guy,
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this was clearly not the manager's first rodeo.
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You could take the food that's already been served free of charge,
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everything else will be canceled, please leave immediately.
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The old lady didn't miss her chance
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to knock the potatoes right onto the floor
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so we couldn't try and take them with us.
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Nothing else had been served yet,
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so we had to leave without any food.
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When my girlfriend and I were finally alone in our car,
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and the car she said, can you believe that?
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And I said, not at all.
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And I really can't believe you didn't warn me.
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And she went, how could I have known about any of that?
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And confused I asked, is she not usually like that?
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Even more confused than me, my girlfriend asked,
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who, your mom?
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What's my mom got to do with the terrible service at that place?
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Ha ha ha.
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That was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
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The fact that she didn't see anything wrong
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with her mom's behavior and that I'd be marrying
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into that situation shook me too deep.
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We were both dodge-double and more than ways
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than one and hide and say, we were right for each other
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regardless of who her family was.
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Her mom saved us both a lot of time and heartache,
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helping me realize in one night
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what would have probably taken us years otherwise.
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Within a month, we'd moved into separate apartments
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and gone on a break that ended up lasting forever.
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I'm sorry, I won't see you again, Ellen.
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I'm sorry, he'd wait, Steph, ever will though.
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Jesus, I was marked an Excel and it was interesting.
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But like, God, when the kids just like,
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when their child's like, wait, my mom was the problem?
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Wait, you're not, wait, stealing something
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on a person's table isn't a bad thing.
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It's like, what the fuck?
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And that again was posted by Staring at the Sun.
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["W After You"]
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Wow, what a great opener.
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We got more out of the entitled Parents' Sub.
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Coming out from Lurd of Chicken Puffs titled,
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Mom Things Her Property is Mine
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and threatens to smash and destroy it.
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So for context my uncle went abroad to some country and got me a smart watch.
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I've had it for a year now and it's helped me keep myself fit.
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He's my mom's brother.
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Lately in my country exercising here in quarantine is becoming ultra trendy.
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People wear masks and go jogging or go to the gym.
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My mom and dad, uncles and aunts, have hopped onto the trend bang and wagon.
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And they're dieting as well as exercising.
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Now I charge my smart watch once a month.
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My uncle told me to do so.
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I've stretched the life of that thing to two months as well.
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My mom doesn't have one and is playing on buying an Apple watch.
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My mom wants my watch and I let her use it for two days.
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Before your workout you're supposed to open the workout slash running app.
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Once you're done you turn it off.
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Whenever she returns my watch it's always on.
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So for the two hours she goes running plus her hour long shower.
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It's run at three hours.
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I've told her to turn it off and stuff.
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These past two days she's fully drained the charge of it.
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I just put it to charge in the following conversation in Su's.
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Hey dad tell mom she can't wear a used my watch anymore.
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Dad, chuckles.
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Mom, ovrially I've only worn it for two days.
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It can't be that bad.
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Mom you drained the whole brick and thing.
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I gave it to you two weeks ago and I stopped letting you borrow it
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because you're stressing the battery life.
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Messed up my exercise tracker and step tracker.
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Oh dad's name.
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From now on put OP can't have food because he's not sharing.
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I'll even cut the internet because I pay for it.
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Now now you can't do that mom.
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Bring your watch.
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Why?
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Who bought you that watch?
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My uncle.
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Exactly.
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He's my brother.
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I'll ask him to take it back.
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You can't do that.
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Bring it.
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Why though?
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I'll smash it to pieces.
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Stop that's going too far.
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OP stop and go to your room.
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Share your watch with your mom until she gets herself a watch in a few weeks.
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OP it's not your property.
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Everything you have bought by me or my family is my property.
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Yeah my mom's like that.
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This right in my watch is going to deteriorate.
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My dad doesn't take my mom's crap but even he can't stop her now.
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My mom and dad are freaking mad at me right now.
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Last week she didn't ask because my dad said he doesn't have to give you his watch.
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Let's check online to buy you one and she could ask.
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Her obnoxious women's exercise group is asking her to send daily steps in ship.
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Behind the one who takes about 1 to 2 thousand steps a day, she does 6000.
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My exercise app is giving me calories, burnt wrong, my weight right here and wrong too.
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It's getting on my nerves and I don't know what to do.
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Help please.
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What the fuck do I do now?
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And then for mountain dream down in the comments, just tell me if she wants you to remember this when you're older.
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And if she expects you to have a healthy relationship with you, move out.
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And this is also a pretty good scheme from Boradoss also in the comments.
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Could you or your dad just to keep the peace until she buys her own by a decoy watch or something really cheap but similar to yours and just hide yours?
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Now granted, despite the fact that this was posted on the entitled parents story, this was a bit borderline.
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When I read it back twice, the fact that like the argument that the property is hers is totally true but like,
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you think your kid is going to voluntarily give you his smart watch so you can smash it.
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Like, obviously it was it was a bit out of line to say it's my property. I'm going to smash it.
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But like it was it's so dumb because like, I'm going to smash it.
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Okay, that means you don't have a watch to share anymore.
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And like it was a bit borderline and the point where like the kid sounded a bit entitled but not much.
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Like the reasons he said I had to stop sharing because you were fucking up at the stuff.
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Yeah, true. So get a watch instead of smashing his because how is that even remotely fair?
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Because then he could just ease, let's just go and smash yours.
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And if he, I mean, really if you think about it, it's just your property smashing your property because your kid is technically your property, isn't it?
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I'm honestly talking out of my ass but I don't care, let's move on.
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Our final one comes from Doge titled titled Karen forces her kids to be vegan and is now forcing my cat to do the same.
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That title is amazing.
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So there's this insane vegan Karen in our neighborhood who harasses people at the supermarket for using animal products and meat.
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I'm fine with being vegan but just don't force others to do the same.
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Well, that's exactly what this Karen has decided to do. She has two kids, an 18 year old male, 19 year old female.
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And her husband who were all forced to eat vegan food since they were eight.
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All of them hate eating her lame excuse for food that served every night to the point where the father constantly fakes anything to get the kids to eat anything but the vegan food.
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Seriously, some vegan food could taste good but she constantly butchered it.
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That is also why the siblings are constantly at my house eating steak and other non-vegan foods that are strictly banned in their household.
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Anyways, I have a cat, his name is Toby and he's my best friend. His diet consists of store-pucked cat food with meat, duh.
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Fair enough because we live in a very rural area with great outdoor activities.
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On that same day I decided to take my cat fishing so I grabbed my fishing gear and headed down to a nice place to fish while he followed me.
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Now this is where we see the Karen. She is hiking in my direction and sees my fishing pool and begins to lecture me again about why I'm not much better than Hitler by fishing.
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Yeah, she's comparing me to Adolf Hitler now.
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So I kind of ignore her and head down to the fishing area and set up my stuff.
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But no, she follows me down and continues to lecture me and harass me but I make it clear.
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I don't give a shit. After three minutes of her lecturing me, she suddenly stops and walks away.
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Maybe she had better things to do? I don't know.
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So I continue fishing for another hour until my cat and I have satisfied me return home to see that the Karen was leaving my house with all my cat food and was seconds from emptying all of it into the trash can.
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To be fair, it was on my porch and Amazon delivery. This conversation ensued.
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OP, um, what do you think you're doing? Entire mother, I am saving your cat from dying eating these disgusting foods.
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That's my package. Give it back. No!
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Empties the contents into the trash can. What the hell Karen? That's my cat's food. You have no right to just throw it away.
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Then she just gestures for me to hand her my fish box, telling mine's dinner.
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Hell no, that's our dinner. You owe me 20 bucks.
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No, give me the poor animals you kill. We need to be respectful and bury them.
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No, now go away before I call the police who literally threw away my property without asking.
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And this entitled mother tries to grab my fish container but fails because I'm twice her size.
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Fine, go ahead, eat those poor dead animals. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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You must feed your cat, vegan cat food.
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Three days later she comes to my house demanding $50. I ask why but she just burst into my house.
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My cat comes running over as she lures him over as it's seeming interested.
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Not knowing that it's vegan food then she rips open the bag and pours something to his cat bowl and he gladly takes a bite that he runs outside and pukes all over the lawn.
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Don't ask me how or why he knew how to do that.
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Look, he just needs to get used to it. In fact, you're not a good cat owner. I'm taking custody of this cat.
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Oh my god, he didn't like the food. So I'm going to steal your cat now.
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Okay. But before she can even touch my cat who's still puking outside, I grab her arm and drag her outside while she's still hurling insults at me and screaming like a Karen doing that demonic scream.
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So that's it. Should I press charges?
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And Anna down in the comments says definitely press charges. You can even add animal cruelty because cats are obligate carnivores.
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They can't physically survive without meat their bodies can only get certain proteins from meat their bodies can't break stuff down any other way.
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And then a funny one from K2K bro just throw a whole fucking steak at her and bro you about the problems later.
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And ladies and gentlemen, that is the premiere of edition of Fuck You Karen.
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I hope you enjoyed. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast and leave reviews comments. However, you may be able to leave feedback if you're interested.
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And I will try and make these weekly if not like maybe buy two not buy weekly but two times a week.
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As I do I look at a lot of these a lot and there are a lot of good stories out there. But should I stick to the Karen subject or should I go further than that and look at some like pro revenge stories.
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Let me know as well. So, look to thank you very much for listening. This has been the debut edition of Fuck You Karen.
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Thank you for listening and I hope you come back around for another episode very soon.
Topics Covered
Fuck You
Karen podcast
entitled mother stories
public outbursts
Reddit Karen stories
engagement dinner disaster
frustration with entitled behavior
restaurant etiquette
family dynamics
relationship advice
customer service experiences
social commentary
humor in awkward situations
navigating family interactions
parenting expectations
dining out challenges