Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Hey, bad friends. Come see me live. I am running around the country. I'm going to be in San

spk_0 Francisco at the punchline at the end of October, Halloween weekend. Then I'm in Breya.

spk_0 Breya come out and see me. Breya, California, November, Tempean, Prove returning to Arizona

spk_0 state. I'm in Hammond, Indiana in November around Thanksgiving. Windsor, Ontario, Canada,

spk_0 Bethlehem, PA, Hanover, Maryland, Atlantic City, New Jersey, and then Valley Center with

spk_0 the heroes down there in Southern California by San Diego. And then also Canyonville, Oregon,

spk_0 in February. And then finally, Win Casino. I'm at the win in Las Vegas in March. Come see me

spk_0 at the win in Las Vegas, baby. Andrew Santino, not come for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com.

spk_0 You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots.

spk_0 I did an Asian dinner. You two are disgusting.

spk_0 I'll be you two or something. We're bad friends.

spk_0 I went to the doctor last night. And it would happen though. Two nights ago.

spk_0 Why so close up? Is there a wife beating you? Are you okay?

spk_0 Blink twice.

spk_0 Fuck. Of all people that talk about their wife beating them.

spk_0 You're the biggest I've ever met.

spk_0 King, you're getting pegged every night. Because I want to.

spk_0 No. That's what they all say.

spk_0 It's sexual assault every night.

spk_0 No, you know what it is? A tear.

spk_0 So we guessed what this was in my eye. My eye got worse. It's called blepharitis.

spk_0 Blepharitis. How do you get it?

spk_0 Infection of the gland within the eye. It could have been like dirt or whatever got up in my eye.

spk_0 Yeah. And then Bobby touched you.

spk_0 Bobby touched you. You're he's on one today. You want to fight today?

spk_0 Yeah, I did. You are. I miss it.

spk_0 Yeah. He said something to me earlier. I had to physically assault him.

spk_0 What do you say? It was something about.

spk_0 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got a lot of nerve, dude.

spk_0 You got a lot of nerve, dude. I went into the urgent care.

spk_0 Urgent care took two and a half, no less than two and a half, three hours to even get in.

spk_0 And the one we get in and goes, uh, who poked you in the eye?

spk_0 Really? And I said life. And she goes, oh, that's a good one.

spk_0 And she goes, this looks infected. It actually looks pretty bad.

spk_0 Um, we should get this, uh, Medicaid here. This is the worst part when you go to a doctor.

spk_0 She goes, we're going to get you eye drops. You have to do two every four hours, two in your eye, right?

spk_0 And antibiotics, just general amoxicillin or whatever.

spk_0 Mm hmm. I go, great. It should knock it right out, right?

spk_0 Like I've had styes or whatever before. She goes, yeah.

spk_0 We don't want it to spread. And I was like, why would you say that?

spk_0 Well, if it spreads, it can go to your brain.

spk_0 Whoa. And you can die.

spk_0 Whoa. You know what they say, too?

spk_0 Is if you, this triangle of your face, when you get acne, and if you pop it, you could die too.

spk_0 What? Yeah. Where? It's called a triangle of face sadness.

spk_0 Oh, I saw that movie. Yeah. Nope. I'm saying that they're saying that if you pop the shit,

spk_0 who would they? They, the internet, dude. Yeah. My doctor read it.

spk_0 Dr. Reddit said this. No. It what is the, what would I just say?

spk_0 Danger triangle face?

spk_0 You shouldn't pop up people on the danger triangle on your nose.

spk_0 Oh, my nose. Why? Why is it so dangerous?

spk_0 Think of the small segment of your face as the direct line to your brain.

spk_0 So to this sinus blood drain from your brain infection in the, in a danger triangle,

spk_0 like pick from a pimple, nose piercing gone wrong,

spk_0 possibility of a facial infection to become an infection that impacts the rest of your body.

spk_0 Can it really kill you? Don't panic.

spk_0 You're probably not going to die from pop it a pimple on your nose,

spk_0 but technically speaking, it's impossible. It's possible.

spk_0 It's possible technically.

spk_0 Or you could get a brain abscess brain infection.

spk_0 Wow, this is real. Okay. So this thing in my eye though, she was like,

spk_0 yeah, no, it's okay. But I mean, you know, if it spreads to your brain,

spk_0 you could die. And I was like, what? Why would you say that?

spk_0 Well, the possibilities.

spk_0 I didn't want to know. Doctors are supposed to give you the possibilities.

spk_0 Yeah. Really? Yeah, I'm the doctor.

spk_0 Yeah. Doctor Lee, yes.

spk_0 Edel.

spk_0 Hmm.

spk_0 You're right. We looked at your eye.

spk_0 Yeah. What happened with my eye?

spk_0 You could die.

spk_0 My eye I could die. You could also go blind from blepharitis.

spk_0 Yeah. Freddie Mercury.

spk_0 That's what he had.

spk_0 Yeah. He had something to think in his eye.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 Yeah. Why did I go to a doctor?

spk_0 I just can't stay.

spk_0 Listen to me. I'm a doctor.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 All right. Your Mr. Doctor.

spk_0 Chevron.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 I'll go to my Chevron station.

spk_0 I need a doctor.

spk_0 Office. Oh, thank you.

spk_0 Okay. What race do you think that was?

spk_0 Sudanese.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 What? What do you think?

spk_0 Bangladesh.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 East Ethiopia.

spk_0 Oh, I was doing East Ethiopia there.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Look up gas station robberies now in Sherman Oaks.

spk_0 Big thing in the valley here. They're robbing people at gas stations.

spk_0 I'm not going anymore. I'm not getting gas.

spk_0 I'm just running out and then I call AAA.

spk_0 They gunbudded that guy.

spk_0 Some guy had like a Rolex or something on and they gunbudded him.

spk_0 Then it just happened another week ago.

spk_0 Some guy he got out of his car gunbudded him.

spk_0 They're just robbing people at gas station.

spk_0 What's a gun butt?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 They hit you in the face with it.

spk_0 Oh, the butt of the gun.

spk_0 And let me say this one.

spk_0 We say this to a thief.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Just shoot me.

spk_0 They'll gunbut me in the head.

spk_0 I don't want to fucking just kill me.

spk_0 Shoot me, baby.

spk_0 Gun butts.

spk_0 Knock you out.

spk_0 The butt of a gun is heavy.

spk_0 They're hitting you in the face with a gun.

spk_0 And what are they taking your car?

spk_0 Anything. They've taken car, jewelry, clothes, cash, clothes.

spk_0 They left a man naked and van nines.

spk_0 That's why when I pump gas.

spk_0 Don't pump gas.

spk_0 I have a lighter.

spk_0 You do.

spk_0 And I have the fucking thing, dude.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Gun butt me, dude.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 You, Vietnam Monk.

spk_0 Remember those Buddhist months of Vietnam?

spk_0 That's what's gonna happen.

spk_0 Yeah, I like the whole place.

spk_0 You're gonna let, you're gonna be lit on fire, dog.

spk_0 And also, there's nothing to steal except for my wallet.

spk_0 You have something saying, or your car.

spk_0 They can steal your car.

spk_0 There's Bobby.

spk_0 Gun butt me, dog.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm also a dude.

spk_0 You know what's so awful?

spk_0 What if that was an accident?

spk_0 He was just trying to get gas for that guy's car.

spk_0 That ran out.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Fuck.

spk_0 My question is, is that like, you know why they did that?

spk_0 It was for, well, it was a peaceful protest, right?

spk_0 No, they're protesting the oppressive Saigon regime.

spk_0 It's a protest, right?

spk_0 Whatever happened to have made just making a sign.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know what I mean?

spk_0 Like protest?

spk_0 That's a little too far from me.

spk_0 Make a sign.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Like stop Buddhist hate.

spk_0 That'd be me.

spk_0 Stop the people lying to themselves.

spk_0 I'll stop Buddhist hate right here with the sign.

spk_0 Like, don't you think that's extreme?

spk_0 That's, don't do I think that's just, yeah, dude, a little bit.

spk_0 They got lit himself on fire.

spk_0 Like I'm a Vietnamese monk.

spk_0 You're a Vietnamese monk, right?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We got to oppress the...

spk_0 We have to say, what do you think we should do, Tony?

spk_0 Yeah, industry.

spk_0 No, no, that's too, too...

spk_0 No, it's not gonna do much.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 What else do you think we should do?

spk_0 Get our friends together to bond together to create a community.

spk_0 I have an idea.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 We should have a strong fight.

spk_0 No!

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Extreme forms of protests and couples violent tactics, terrorism, welfare, vandalism, extreme, nonviolent

spk_0 issues.

spk_0 Great album cover though.

spk_0 Rage against the machine.

spk_0 That was one of the greatest.

spk_0 Great album.

spk_0 They got a lot of flack for that.

spk_0 Didn't they get a lot of flack for that?

spk_0 Album covers that got flack.

spk_0 You know what?

spk_0 Interesting topic because McCone, you and I were talking the other day about push a tease

spk_0 famous album with a picture of Whitney Houston's dying hotel room.

spk_0 Daytona.

spk_0 Did you ever see this?

spk_0 No, I wanna see it.

spk_0 They had a photo on the cover of this wonderful album by Pusha T. And that is the photograph

spk_0 of Whitney Houston's hotel room when she was found dead.

spk_0 Oh my god, dude.

spk_0 And there's bottles of whiskey and vodka.

spk_0 And then whenever there's tinfoil, you know tinfoil is no good.

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 People smoke crack out of tinfoil.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I put like a bubble gum in there.

spk_0 You do?

spk_0 Yeah, don't make a...

spk_0 You know what, Andrew?

spk_0 Don't make assumptions.

spk_0 You're right.

spk_0 I'm a good detective.

spk_0 Yeah, the tinfoil is there for various reasons.

spk_0 You said I was a good detective.

spk_0 Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Oh, the Beatles yesterday and today, right?

spk_0 Another controversial album cover.

spk_0 Do you know why this was controversial?

spk_0 Because there's babies heads and stuff.

spk_0 No, because look who's in the back.

spk_0 It's three in the front and one in the back.

spk_0 Little rude.

spk_0 A little rude.

spk_0 Very odd to put him in the back, by the way.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Why'd they do that?

spk_0 Aesthetics.

spk_0 Campoje.

spk_0 What's your favorite album?

spk_0 Aesthetics.

spk_0 Campoje.

spk_0 Aesthetics.

spk_0 Campoje.

spk_0 Which my favorite album of all time?

spk_0 No album cover.

spk_0 Oh.

spk_0 I'll tell you mine.

spk_0 Go.

spk_0 Captain Beefheart.

spk_0 Trout Mask replica.

spk_0 Look it up, dude.

spk_0 Captain Beefheart.

spk_0 Trout Mask replica.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Sounds like one of those mad lips.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 Oh, that's pretty cool.

spk_0 I love that one.

spk_0 That's good.

spk_0 I was going to give you something like Blood Sugar Sex Magic.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I think I like Blood Sugar Sex Magic from Chili Pepper so much because it was also like

spk_0 a time in my youth.

spk_0 It was like something about the time of like the sexiness of the album cover.

spk_0 I don't know why I liked it so much as a kid, but I love that.

spk_0 It's like, they're all tongue licking of like, I don't know why.

spk_0 I thought that was badass.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I liked Mother's Milk because there was a titty on it.

spk_0 That one was great too.

spk_0 Same thing.

spk_0 Another chili peppers.

spk_0 Yeah, dude.

spk_0 That was a poster.

spk_0 You go over to some kids house named Ryan and he was like, she might have a new fucking

spk_0 poster, dude.

spk_0 Can I tell you this?

spk_0 My mom's for livid about it, dude.

spk_0 My dad was like, hang it up.

spk_0 Can I tell you what just happened with me and Anthony Kitas?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So, I've never talked about this though.

spk_0 For some reason, this is 20 years ago.

spk_0 Kitas, Chris Rock was in the main room and Kitas saw me.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 Cool.

spk_0 And then Kitas came up to me and goes, oh, you're really funny.

spk_0 This and that, right?

spk_0 So then Kitas would go around town just to watch my sets, right?

spk_0 Like following you?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And they named night or many night.

spk_0 No, just throughout the months.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 We've been very friendly.

spk_0 I got his number and the whole thing, right?

spk_0 And then on the other side of one day, I do this show at L. Sid.

spk_0 I like the love that I said.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 He brought the whole band out there to come see you.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 They were in the front row.

spk_0 I bombed so hard.

spk_0 Is that there?

spk_0 Is that?

spk_0 No, this is a wait a year later.

spk_0 I bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years.

spk_0 It happened to that, right?

spk_0 No, I'm not kidding you.

spk_0 It was night and day.

spk_0 Like I ate it that hard.

spk_0 No way.

spk_0 Oh, no, it was.

spk_0 I still remember the show.

spk_0 I remember their faces.

spk_0 There was nothing I could do.

spk_0 I didn't have the skill set to dig me out of this hole.

spk_0 Okay?

spk_0 And he just recently goes because he has a music observatory

spk_0 like thing that he does with flea.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And they do a yearly benefit show and they asked me to host it.

spk_0 I can't because of Irvine.

spk_0 And I almost canceled Irvine to do it.

spk_0 Yeah, that's it.

spk_0 Would you?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Post a benefit show.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You're going to tank at that too.

spk_0 He's going to see you tank 20 years.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 Benefit show sucked.

spk_0 You're right.

spk_0 That's so hard to do well at.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Because people are kind of uncomfortable and they're there like in their stiff and they're

spk_0 dressed up.

spk_0 It's not like a relaxed atmosphere.

spk_0 I mean, we like doing benefits, but stand up.

spk_0 No, I'd rather just show up, give you money and be a part of the thing.

spk_0 But you would have done it if you didn't have something to do.

spk_0 I don't know, man.

spk_0 I don't like doing those things.

spk_0 They give me the bomb.

spk_0 You bomb hard.

spk_0 You eat shit at the thing.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0

spk_0 Nobody wants stand up at a bed.

spk_0 They're like, we're raising money for sick kids who have cancer of the brain.

spk_0 Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby, Lydia, it's fucking impossible to do well.

spk_0 You bomb at I just it's bad.

spk_0 What's your opening loan?

spk_0 What's up, everybody?

spk_0 What's eating you?

spk_0 God, dude, let me tell you guys what's on my mind.

spk_0 You can get a head.

spk_0 Step right on that.

spk_0 Oh, stop.

spk_0 Step right on it.

spk_0 Oh, what's it?

spk_0 What was it?

spk_0 I said, I want to tell you guys what's on my mind.

spk_0 God.

spk_0 Oh, fuck.

spk_0 After every punchline, they go think about it.

spk_0 Think about it.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Rain it in.

spk_0 That's raining.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 By the way, after after you ate shit, he made stadium arcaidium.

spk_0 So was that your fault?

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 Sorry, dude.

spk_0 Have you ever been in front of like some of that you didn't want to bomb in front of?

spk_0 Famous people?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I mean, I bombed in front of rock pretty, pretty, pretty horrifically at the store in

spk_0 the OR and I think from that he's never really taken me serious because he sat in the

spk_0 bucket seats.

spk_0 He was staying at the hotel nearby.

spk_0 Came over.

spk_0 Sometimes he stays in LA and just doesn't do a spot.

spk_0 Yeah, he'll just come by.

spk_0 He's so nice.

spk_0 He was in the bucket seats and he watched me.

spk_0 I mean, torrential.

spk_0 It was like it was it was so fucking that.

spk_0 And I brought on for him or someone afterwards and I'm sure for him fucking crushed because

spk_0 he always does and I just was working out new shit in the OR and it was late night,

spk_0 dude.

spk_0 Wait, did you know he was there?

spk_0 I saw him.

spk_0 So before you knew he was there.

spk_0 Yeah, it drove me nuts.

spk_0 No, no, this is what you do then.

spk_0 He sat down and I was like, fuck.

spk_0 Then you go, I have to kill.

spk_0 Don't do the new stuff.

spk_0 I have to kill.

spk_0 It was 1145.

spk_0 It was like a late spot and I was like, fuck it.

spk_0 I was just trying new shit.

spk_0 Bobby, are there famous people every time you perform?

spk_0 What do you mean?

spk_0 Is that why you don't do new material?

spk_0 Oh, this guy.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Is he looking for a fight, dude?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Give it to him.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Give it to him.

spk_0 I have some things I could say about it.

spk_0 Say it.

spk_0 No, no, no.

spk_0 It's dark stuff.

spk_0 I know some dark stuff and I'm not going to do it because you like to go personal.

spk_0 Yeah, he really does.

spk_0 I have so many new jokes.

spk_0 I know it is good.

spk_0 I told you that last time you left.

spk_0 Hey, then what would you say to Joe?

spk_0 Because you didn't roll down the window or acknowledge me.

spk_0 My point being is this, okay, that I'm doing everything I can to come out with new stuff

spk_0 and taking risks on stage and for for a McCone to say that joke again.

spk_0 It's really hurtful and rude.

spk_0 You're talking to one of the top 25 working comics today.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I just top of 25, 1000.

spk_0 I.

spk_0 Yeah, we saw this whole thing and let me let me clear the air real fast.

spk_0 Let me say something genuine about this.

spk_0 Theo Vaughn is someone we've known for a long, long time.

spk_0 I can't right now.

spk_0 I just want to say my piece.

spk_0 I hope he's okay.

spk_0 I just texted.

spk_0 You texted me yesterday.

spk_0 I know I texted him too, but I'm saying like, I texted him.

spk_0 That doesn't mean shit.

spk_0 He's going through something very deep on stage.

spk_0 You know, that clip is gross of him saying I'm trying not to take my own life and I think

spk_0 people think that was like a bit and he's really in a dark place.

spk_0 So we wish him the greatest and I was texting with a lot of other comics because I

spk_0 think it's a yell.

spk_0 I know there's a comedy show.

spk_0 I just wrap it up real fast.

spk_0 I'm just saying, I think people don't know.

spk_0 I know I think people don't know that we some of us suffer from actual real clinical shit.

spk_0 And I have I have clinical depression.

spk_0 I have very dark days.

spk_0 You guys you guys have lived through my shit.

spk_0 He's got it very bad.

spk_0 I'm sorry, but I think fucking people just think you're a clown and you're like, you're

spk_0 not a human.

spk_0 Well, he's a fucking human.

spk_0 So my heart goes out to the guy because I know he's struggling a lot.

spk_0 So we love him.

spk_0 I really do.

spk_0 Oh, sorry, sorry to be fucking honest for three seconds on the show.

spk_0 What do you want to do?

spk_0 Another Filipino accent?

spk_0 Huh?

spk_0 East Ethiopian.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Welcome to Chevro.

spk_0 Whatever.

spk_0 My job.

spk_0 I'll just say my okay.

spk_0 So we.

spk_0 The reason why I love Theo so much is that I have the same exact sensitivities and vulnerabilities

spk_0 as he has.

spk_0 We have the same kind of issues.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Mentally, you know, um, and when I saw that clip, it was heartbreaking.

spk_0 It was so heartbreaking because I understood where we was at.

spk_0 And I, um, I reached out to him and I all I can do is a friend is say, I'm here 24

spk_0 seven.

spk_0 I'm just available.

spk_0 And, um, I'm really concerned for him.

spk_0 I mean, I, you know, he, you know, he seems to be fine, but I'm still very concerned for

spk_0 him.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's a, it's a very difficult thing to, to survive mental health issues in this kind

spk_0 of environment.

spk_0 Because it's so fucking hostile out there.

spk_0 Particularly when it's wrapped in fame and success.

spk_0 I know people are like, crime or river rich guy, but like he's very successful and he's so

spk_0 famous.

spk_0 And that does a thing to you.

spk_0 It's like inundation of attention.

spk_0 And so it, it, it, it really distorts your sensibility sometimes when you're as, you know,

spk_0 kind of popular and wanted and everyone's around you and they want something and he needs

spk_0 something.

spk_0 And I don't think people understand that and they never, and that's okay.

spk_0 But also people don't understand that he is such a kind, soft, sensitive kind of a guy.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 He has to, but we all put on a lot of feelings and above people around him.

spk_0 And he's just a, I just care so much about him and you read things about your friends

spk_0 and, and you just want to say you got it wrong, buddy.

spk_0 You know, it's like not him.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And it's like people say things about me, you, this and that and I, I get it, you know,

spk_0 it's, and it's just a double that short sword.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And you love swords.

spk_0

spk_0 The internet and swords.

spk_0 I love swords, yes.

spk_0 You're a big sword.

spk_0 I'm a sword guy.

spk_0 Katana's especially.

spk_0 You know, I did get on a big kick of watching Japanese guys sharpen swords enough to drop

spk_0 a blade through a pineapple.

spk_0 I sat for hours on the internet watching this guy sharpen a blade so he could drop it.

spk_0 It's clean through a pineapple.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I feel like I can do that.

spk_0 No, you fucking can't drop a sword onto a pineapple.

spk_0 Patience.

spk_0 You have the patience to shave that to a fine point.

spk_0 You do not have that.

spk_0 What do you mean even by you saying this?

spk_0 He literally would hold the handle and hold the blade and then drop the blade and hold

spk_0 the handle with his fingertip.

spk_0 You can add it.

spk_0 He doesn't add it.

spk_0 You can do it 10,000 times until you get it.

spk_0 I can do a cartwheel.

spk_0 Bicycle.

spk_0 Do one.

spk_0 What is a cartwheel?

spk_0 Show me it and I'll do it.

spk_0 Entrance on Letterman.

spk_0 Do it.

spk_0 That's one of my favorite entrances of all time.

spk_0 Chris Farley everybody.

spk_0 Look at him.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Look at how perfect.

spk_0 It's so much fun.

spk_0 Yeah, I can't do without him.

spk_0 That was insane.

spk_0 By the way, he tried to do three.

spk_0 Watch, go back.

spk_0 He bailed on the third.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 God, this guy was the king of fucking comedy.

spk_0 Go all the way back.

spk_0 We can see it from fresh.

spk_0 One, two, watch, go three and then he's like, oh shit.

spk_0 God Farley's the man.

spk_0 Oh my God, dude.

spk_0 He was so good.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 He was so good.

spk_0 Throwing over to Spades House and seeing that jacket, the fat guy in a little coat jacket.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Oh my God.

spk_0 And then he falls off the back of the chair.

spk_0 I mean, that jacket I told Spade, I was like, I know you'd never sell that.

spk_0 But I mean, good God, I'd pay so much money.

spk_0 If he was still alive, we would probably know him.

spk_0 Do you think or not?

spk_0 I don't know if you'd know us, but I mean, if he was still alive, he'd be the most famous

spk_0 comedian in the world.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I mean, you would still probably, you could be at Spades House one day and you could say,

spk_0 how?

spk_0 Yeah, that's how we could see it.

spk_0 At Spades House.

spk_0 But also he probably wouldn't, yeah.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 I don't know, I just, you know, when you're in that, what he was as big as he was and

spk_0 as much as he was in it, it was almost like, what's the other side of that?

spk_0 Look like when he gets clean.

spk_0 You know, you probably go away from comedy, you get clean and you level out.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 Because it was so much.

spk_0 He'd be on the ozampic, no?

spk_0 100%.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 You and him would be doing Oz commercials together.

spk_0 Oh, is that good?

spk_0 Look at the lineup.

spk_0 Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, Black sheep, coneheads, almost heroes, Wayne's world,

spk_0 airheads, Wayne's world too.

spk_0 God, dude.

spk_0 The guy was literally just getting started.

spk_0 And as we know, Shrek, the original voice of Shrek, we talked about it on the show before.

spk_0 Also, he didn't do, because at one point you tried to go serious.

spk_0 He didn't do it like a serious role.

spk_0 Uh, no, the only role that you-

spk_0 But eventually he would have, you know what I mean?

spk_0 Totally.

spk_0 Like the whale too.

spk_0 Super whale.

spk_0 The blue whale.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 God rest the dead.

spk_0 Oh, sorry, that was me.

spk_0 God.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Too soon?

spk_0 That was good.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 But even like John Candy did JFK.

spk_0 He was great in that.

spk_0 That's what I'm saying.

spk_0 He would have-

spk_0 John Candy showed moments of brilliance in every comedic role, but he did serious stuff

spk_0 all the time.

spk_0 The difference was, Farley had soft and fun, sweet moments.

spk_0 Nothing like Candy.

spk_0 Candy and Uncle Buck, Candy and Plains Trains, Candy and fucking Candy and Home Alone.

spk_0 Dude, the guy, he showed moments of like unbelievable cool runnings.

spk_0 A movie that was such a wacky.

spk_0 He was sweet in that.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 One of the greatest.

spk_0 Him, John Candy, John Goodman to me, we're like one as a kid, we're two like the coolest

spk_0 funny guys.

spk_0 And Goodman wasn't your traditional comedic actor, but he was so funny.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Like King Ralph is one of the best movies I think I've ever seen.

spk_0 Conceptually, I don't know why we haven't done that again.

spk_0 Why haven't we done King Ralph again?

spk_0 We're a fucking regular Midwest like Blue Collar guy inherits the keys to the Royal

spk_0 Kingdom.

spk_0 Not a genius concept.

spk_0 Your great uncle left you the keys to the Kingdom.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Is that not even listed on his filmography?

spk_0 King Ralph.

spk_0 I remember as a kid watching Stripes.

spk_0 I know he was in that.

spk_0 Fucking love Stripes.

spk_0 But those movies.

spk_0 This movie was so good.

spk_0 Which one?

spk_0 King Ralph.

spk_0 I never saw King Ralph.

spk_0 Oh, dude, it's so fucking good.

spk_0 Who's in it?

spk_0 John Goodman.

spk_0 John Goodman, Peter.

spk_0 John Goodman.

spk_0

spk_0 John Goodman.

spk_0 How did we go from Candy to Goodman?

spk_0 I said these two guys were kind of comedic heroes when I was a kid.

spk_0 I didn't see that trend.

spk_0 I didn't listen to a word I'm saying.

spk_0 I was trying to think about a guy.

spk_0 I'll tell you why.

spk_0 I'll tell you what just happened.

spk_0 Need disconnect?

spk_0 I just can't not only disconnect.

spk_0 Somebody picked up the phone and the internet cut out.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Mom, I'm on the fucking.

spk_0 No, I was trying.

spk_0 I was trying to think of the movie Stripes.

spk_0 So while you were talking about the whole thing about Goodman, I was like, not even listening.

spk_0 I was like, what is that movie?

spk_0 You never listen to me.

spk_0 Of course I do.

spk_0 Bang, bang, bang, bang.

spk_0 When's my birthday?

spk_0 October 6th.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Don't look at your phone.

spk_0 It's not October 6th?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 It's gotta be October 6th, then.

spk_0 It's not.

spk_0 October 16th.

spk_0 Fuck.

spk_0 10 days.

spk_0 But I knew it was 6th.

spk_0 Yeah, that was true.

spk_0 October 6th.

spk_0 Are you upset?

spk_0 I didn't know.

spk_0 Yeah.

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spk_0 Let's take old movies like that

spk_0 and see some of the new comics that could fill those sheets.

spk_0 Oh, okay.

spk_0 It's very injured. Three amigas.

spk_0 Oh my God.

spk_0 Me, you.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Okay, you're right.

spk_0 I mean, it wouldn't get...

spk_0 I'd like to put us in something

spk_0 because I can't get any work.

spk_0 I know, me either.

spk_0 But I get some fucking work.

spk_0 But they would, they would,

spk_0 imagine a studio.

spk_0 You and I could do plain strange automobiles

spk_0 and it would be fucking amazing.

spk_0 That'd be amazing.

spk_0 I mean, how much more am I Steve Martin

spk_0 to his John Candy?

spk_0 I mean, genuinely.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We'd have to get you off the Azampek though.

spk_0 I'd the Game Weight.

spk_0 You'd have to get your way to make it fun.

spk_0 But don't do your studio would be like,

spk_0 okay, three amigas.

spk_0 Let's go to Sadekos first.

spk_0 Let's go to these kind of people first or no.

spk_0 Yeah, but that's fucking boring.

spk_0 I know that's not a shot at him.

spk_0 That's what they would do.

spk_0 Give me someone.

spk_0 We're making our world.

spk_0 Now, I can say,

spk_0 from a studio exact now.

spk_0 Yeah, from a studio exact now.

spk_0 I would be like,

spk_0 Santino or Sadekos, probably Sadekos.

spk_0 All right, let me say this.

spk_0 Are ecosystem, are ecosystem that we're talking about?

spk_0 We have friends that we know.

spk_0 All right, so here we go.

spk_0 Three amigas.

spk_0 Well, you're obviously the Chevy Chase part

spk_0 and fucking three.

spk_0 I mean, that would what I would want.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Who Steve Martin then?

spk_0 Steve Martin would be Nate Bergazzi.

spk_0 Perfect.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And then you are a little netty needle-and-a-lander?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 There's no way they would pick me.

spk_0 It's for Oscar.

spk_0 Who are you talking about?

spk_0 We're casting this move.

spk_0 No, no, I'm going to be the bargitender.

spk_0 Freddie Asperger's is part.

spk_0 Freddie Asperger.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 It's Smiley.

spk_0 Yes, Smiley.

spk_0 Who would be?

spk_0 Who would be Little Netty Needle-and-a-lander?

spk_0 Oh, yeah, who would be that?

spk_0 Martin Shorten, Netty Needle-and-a-lander.

spk_0 Who would be him?

spk_0 I want to be the Dusty Bottom, so bad.

spk_0 That's a tough, that's a tough.

spk_0 And who would be Patrice Martinez,

spk_0 the first girl that he falls in love with,

spk_0 this Steve falls in love with?

spk_0 Who would be her?

spk_0 Oh shit.

spk_0 Angela Johnson.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm trying to think of a, yeah,

spk_0 it's got to be like, who's the most famous Latino comedian?

spk_0 Angela Johnson.

spk_0 Oh, Sophia Nino Di Rivera.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Anabel Ferreira.

spk_0 I mean, I don't know any of these.

spk_0 I mean, fancy shouldn't you know?

spk_0 Sophia Nino Di Rivera.

spk_0 Shut the...

spk_0 It's so annoying.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Yeah, it'll be her.

spk_0 Have her on the show.

spk_0 Hey, is this hurricane going to hit Florida or is this bullshit?

spk_0 Let's fucking do more hurricanes.

spk_0 Remember that when we were kids,

spk_0 I feel like it happened all the time.

spk_0 Hurricane, what is that?

spk_0 Emelda.

spk_0 Forecasters are monitoring Hurricane Emelda,

spk_0 which is, am I saying that right?

spk_0 Emelda.

spk_0 Why do they think they name it names like that?

spk_0 And it goes in alphabetical order.

spk_0 Hurricanes are given names to improve public

spk_0 and professional communication making terms easier

spk_0 to identify, track and discuss,

spk_0 especially when multiple storms are active.

spk_0 Right, because they've got,

spk_0 sometimes there's three hurricanes going on at the same time.

spk_0 I like when they combined.

spk_0 Oh, when they hook up.

spk_0 Oh, that's my favorite.

spk_0 When they hook up.

spk_0 When they don't know when they when they combine

spk_0 they're bigger.

spk_0 Or a horror orgy.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 It's a little horror orgy.

spk_0 That's a movie.

spk_0 We're like six come into one.

spk_0 Or you have two natural events happen.

spk_0 Earthquake and so two hurricanes that meet, you know,

spk_0 and then an earthquake in the ocean.

spk_0 Love, which causes a tsunami.

spk_0 Just it just happens, right?

spk_0 It's a tornado sweeping through the Midwest.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Fire's on the West Coast.

spk_0 And then it just happens at one place.

spk_0 And then we all die.

spk_0 No, just it'll happen in.

spk_0 Oh, okay.

spk_0 Rapture.

spk_0 What happened to the rapture?

spk_0 Excuse me.

spk_0 Yeah, excuse me.

spk_0 What happened to the rapture?

spk_0 What happened though?

spk_0 Did anyone?

spk_0 It said it's back on.

spk_0 Was anyone raptured?

spk_0 Here's a new date.

spk_0 The Christians believe in.

spk_0 Oh, there's a new one?

spk_0 Think of the rendezvous.

spk_0 Wait, it was two weeks ago, right?

spk_0 Yeah, what day was the rapture?

spk_0 I don't know, but it was a Tuesday, I think.

spk_0 Well, let's see.

spk_0 Go down.

spk_0 Let's see.

spk_0 Rapture 2025 prophecy may be expected

spk_0 to occur on the 23rd of 24th.

spk_0 That's right.

spk_0 It didn't happen.

spk_0 It failed to materialize.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 An anticlimax led to dismiss it a long light

spk_0 of unfulfilled Doomsday claims.

spk_0 However, some believers say it's still common.

spk_0 South African pastor Joshua McKayla.

spk_0 Who has been well, I mean, that's, I didn't need to.

spk_0 Joshua McKayla, I don't know how to say it.

spk_0 It's like, it's like Maha Keala.

spk_0 You know what I did on the 23rd?

spk_0 I was waiting for the rapture.

spk_0 I was in my backyard completely naked.

spk_0 Do you know why I was naked?

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 Because when you have your clothes on,

spk_0 it leaves where you left.

spk_0 I want that to be a mystery.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Where's Bobby?

spk_0 Yeah, where's Bobby?

spk_0 I don't want them to know where I, you know what I mean?

spk_0 I feel like if I was raptured, no one would believe it.

spk_0 I mean, people would think Bob, you're on one.

spk_0 People like he relapses on one.

spk_0 He's on one.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, I don't think that like if people were,

spk_0 right?

spk_0 And how stupid would I be?

spk_0 I bet you guys don't get it.

spk_0 He was raptured.

spk_0 No, like, okay, dude, where is he?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Where would he be?

spk_0 I mean, if you were raptured, do you think he would believe it?

spk_0 For sure.

spk_0 I'm rapturable, too.

spk_0 I don't think you're rapturable, dude.

spk_0 Come on, dude, I keep tempting the rapture.

spk_0 I think I'm going to be.

spk_0 If I'm not rapturable, you're not rapturable.

spk_0 Well, you're, okay, fine.

spk_0 A person raptured is according to some Christian beliefs

spk_0 when they're a true believer in Jesus Christ.

spk_0 Okay, that did bring that.

spk_0 I believe in Jesus.

spk_0 No, you don't.

spk_0 Damn it.

spk_0 Is that the pre-requist?

spk_0 Requist was it?

spk_0 Say it again.

spk_0 Is that the pre-requist?

spk_0 I love that.

spk_0 And you did it good on that second one.

spk_0 Is that not how he said?

spk_0 That is a pre-requisite to being raptured.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You must believe.

spk_0 Okay, what if I have all the other ones,

spk_0 but except for that one?

spk_0 Well, you've got to talk to the guy.

spk_0 Imagine he gets up to fuck, you know what I mean?

spk_0 He gets up.

spk_0 What are the conditions about rapture?

spk_0 Can you have that?

spk_0 I think it's just that.

spk_0 You got to believe.

spk_0 That's the only thing.

spk_0 That's it.

spk_0 You got to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord

spk_0 and save your honor.

spk_0 I just did it.

spk_0 Seriously?

spk_0 Yeah, I just did it, dude.

spk_0 Well, you're going to get raptured, man.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 I don't think you believe in that.

spk_0 Oh, wait, no, there's a few.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me the few.

spk_0 Hold on, but imagine we all get raptured

spk_0 and we're waiting in line.

spk_0 And Jesus is like, let's probably naked.

spk_0 We all have clothes on.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 I'm just like.

spk_0 And one of the apostles is like, that's a bit he does

spk_0 from his show.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And he's like, Jesus, he's going to give you a pub shot

spk_0 when he's free.

spk_0 Receive Jesus Christ.

spk_0 You receive the fundamental steps to believing in Jesus Christ

spk_0 except him as your Lord and Savior and repent for your sins.

spk_0 Read and study the Bible.

spk_0 No, you don't pray and confess.

spk_0 You do live a faithful life.

spk_0 You do join a healthy church.

spk_0 You don't.

spk_0 Be patient and endure.

spk_0 You do.

spk_0 Is that it?

spk_0 Just six.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No, yeah.

spk_0 So understand the event.

spk_0 No, it's coming.

spk_0 So we got to get you to a church is really what it is.

spk_0 So you do pray and repent?

spk_0 I pray.

spk_0 I pray too.

spk_0 Yeah, I pray a lot.

spk_0 I pray for people.

spk_0 I pray for the show that fancy gets replaced.

spk_0 Is it what else do you do?

spk_0 I've never seen you go to church.

spk_0 You don't talk to God.

spk_0 I've never seen you go to church.

spk_0 What do you mean I do?

spk_0 I go to church every Sunday.

spk_0 That's why we came to the show on Sunday mornings.

spk_0 Do you really go to church every Sunday morning?

spk_0 Have I missed?

spk_0 How many Sundays have I missed, McCone knows?

spk_0 I mean, none.

spk_0 Sometimes he comes and watches the dog.

spk_0 Are you kidding me, dude?

spk_0 You go to church every Sunday?

spk_0 What do you...

spk_0 Okay, okay.

spk_0 Stop.

spk_0 Not if we're on the road.

spk_0 Stop for a second.

spk_0 Yeah, we cannot on the road.

spk_0 Stop for a second.

spk_0 Yeah, we cannot on the road.

spk_0

spk_0 May I speak?

spk_0 Please.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 That says a lot about our relationship.

spk_0 Why?

spk_0 Because you've never invited me.

spk_0 You don't want me to be saved.

spk_0 Do you know churches at 8 a.m., right?

spk_0 It doesn't matter.

spk_0 You don't want at least one time like,

spk_0 hey, bud, do you want to go?

spk_0 Do you think you could get up at 8 to go to church for real?

spk_0 I went to...

spk_0 I go up at Sunday mornings and I go to third and gardener,

spk_0 which is an early A meeting.

spk_0 I go to that.

spk_0 That's a 1030, you said.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Okay, you want to go two and a half hours.

spk_0 But you think I sleep?

spk_0 You think I sleep when I go to third and gardener?

spk_0 No, I stay up all night.

spk_0 Well, that's not good.

spk_0 That's my point.

spk_0 I would go.

spk_0 If you try to save me, but you don't want me to go.

spk_0 You don't want me to go to heaven.

spk_0 I want you to go to heaven.

spk_0 Yeah, but then why wouldn't you invite me?

spk_0 Okay, look, you don't want me saved.

spk_0 I want...

spk_0 It's fucked up, dude.

spk_0 I want you to go to heaven, but I do think I've already

spk_0 put in a couple of requests and they've been...

spk_0 Deny.

spk_0 It's invite only?

spk_0 Request from...

spk_0 Jesus?

spk_0 It's like Raya.

spk_0 Like you can get in, but it's like you got to have

spk_0 a few people to vouch for you and also if you've...

spk_0 You've been banned.

spk_0 Yeah, you've been banned.

spk_0 You got banned from heaven, bud.

spk_0 But honestly, if you wait a couple of weeks,

spk_0 I don't lift the ban.

spk_0 Can I...

spk_0 Come with me.

spk_0 What's the church called?

spk_0 I'm not telling them I'm a fucking...

spk_0 You want to come?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Let's go.

spk_0 And what do you wear?

spk_0 A dashiki.

spk_0 What do you mean you wear street clothes?

spk_0 Oh, really?

spk_0 Where would you want?

spk_0 There's no rules to church.

spk_0 That's old school shit.

spk_0 That's old fucking funny dutty.

spk_0 It's honestly, I'm so shocked that you got a church.

spk_0 But you can't wear shorts.

spk_0 Have you ever seen...

spk_0 Jesus don't like knees.

spk_0 Have you ever seen me wear shorts?

spk_0 Yeah, not really.

spk_0 Yeah, exactly.

spk_0 Actually, nothing I think about.

spk_0 I think I've ever seen you...

spk_0 No, that's not true.

spk_0 On a beach, yes.

spk_0 We've gone swimming together and I've seen you in church.

spk_0 Yeah, no.

spk_0 Yeah, you've seen me in...

spk_0 I've seen you a little thong.

spk_0 Yeah, cute.

spk_0 Those little black things were working on you.

spk_0 Black thongs?

spk_0

spk_0 Dude, they were so funny.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's sexy.

spk_0 That's an album cover.

spk_0 What is that?

spk_0 It's for the braille.

spk_0 Oh, a flyer for braille.

spk_0 Mm.

spk_0 God, the kids got a much better body now.

spk_0 I gotta tell you, you should reshoot that photo now.

spk_0 You should reshoot some of those old, like,

spk_0 like nudie photos and see what you look like now.

spk_0 God, look at how young the kid is.

spk_0 Oh my God, look at how young I am.

spk_0 We want you to be saved.

spk_0 I want you to be saved and the fans want you to be saved.

spk_0 And I believe you can do it.

spk_0 Yeah, I wanna go.

spk_0 I wanna, if that rupzer talk was really scary

spk_0 and I just, I just...

spk_0 Oh, buddy.

spk_0 I don't know what to do behind it.

spk_0 You're gonna be saved.

spk_0 You know why?

spk_0 Because you have a good heart and a good soul.

spk_0 The number one rule.

spk_0 I believe in all religions is to try to be a good person.

spk_0 And you're a great person.

spk_0 And that is your entry ticket to the afterlife.

spk_0 Yeah, but I've giggled it at a couple of funerals before.

spk_0 Funerals can be funny.

spk_0 But they've been intrigued.

spk_0 I've been gay.

spk_0 Every time I'm in a funeral, there's a laugh attack.

spk_0 Well, yeah, who said that there's supposed to be sad?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Why is that?

spk_0 Why are they sad?

spk_0 Like, my brother and I were at a funeral once

spk_0 and we heard a knock.

spk_0 Is it closed casket?

spk_0 It was closed casket, but we heard like that, right?

spk_0 And I looked at my brother and we just collapsed

spk_0 on the ground.

spk_0 It's so funny.

spk_0 It started laughing.

spk_0 It was funny.

spk_0 I know, but still you're not supposed to laugh.

spk_0 Do you ever have a laugh fit

spk_0 where you're not supposed to laugh when I'm uncomfortable?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Because you don't know how to feel.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know, like, I learned something the other day

spk_0 that this is, this,

spk_0 Demorphous expression is the phenomenon

spk_0 of displaying two contradictory expressions

spk_0 or actions in response to a single intense emotion,

spk_0 such as crying when happy or feeling

spk_0 or just squeeze a cute object.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed.

spk_0 You do something you usually wouldn't.

spk_0 I laugh sometimes when I want to cry.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know?

spk_0 When feelings are too emotional for me.

spk_0 Dude, Demorphous expression.

spk_0 I've never even heard of that before.

spk_0 What's up, San Diego?

spk_0 Where Demorphous is?

spk_0 It's falling while they play.

spk_0 Who's that?

spk_0 Demorphous expression.

spk_0 That's a great band name.

spk_0 Or it's a great album.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Demorphous expression.

spk_0 I've literally never learned it.

spk_0 We're learning new shit.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I had someone I know they had someone

spk_0 in their family do assisted suicide.

spk_0 Oh, no.

spk_0 Which is kind of crazy.

spk_0 Well, because usually people that do it do it

spk_0 because they have a terminal illness.

spk_0 And they're like, well, I don't want this

spk_0 to get progressively worse.

spk_0 I want to say goodbye.

spk_0 But this is kind of a crazy story.

spk_0 The person had through themselves a goodbye party

spk_0 or whatever, you know, these living funerals

spk_0 is like a big thing that people do now.

spk_0

spk_0 But they kept pushing back the date of the,

spk_0 because they had a couple of secondaries of like,

spk_0 maybe I don't know.

spk_0 Let's move it back a little bit.

spk_0 Like they kept changing the date of the assisted suicide

spk_0 because they kind of had a,

spk_0 probably a few good weeks or something.

spk_0 It's fucked up because don't you think

spk_0 after you do that, you'd be like,

spk_0 all right, I don't want to do it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 If I bailed once, I don't know if I could go through with it.

spk_0 Yeah, that's a dark thing.

spk_0 It's crazy.

spk_0 I'm not, I just like, it's hard.

spk_0 I don't know how to spend this, but yeah.

spk_0 Spin it, spin it, spin it.

spk_0 Pretty dark.

spk_0 Spin it, you got it.

spk_0 I know it's in there.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't like physical pain.

spk_0 You don't want to experience any physical pain.

spk_0 I think once the physical pain is just even if morphine

spk_0 or any of these drugs stop working.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I just, I just feel like I'm going to move on.

spk_0 You ever had morphine?

spk_0 Like when I was in Vietnam.

spk_0 Like a drip.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 On the field, yeah.

spk_0 Like a drip.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You've had a drip in a behoply.

spk_0 Do they gave me that shit when I had my torn ligaments

spk_0 and my leg?

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Yum.

spk_0 It's unfucking real.

spk_0 You feel.

spk_0 It's warm.

spk_0 Oh, it's warm sunshine.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It makes me go heroin.

spk_0 Yes, yes, yes.

spk_0 It's not surprising why people are addicted to all these,

spk_0 you know, opiates.

spk_0 No, of course not.

spk_0 Morphine drip, the, is the continuous intravenous

spk_0 administration of the opioid pain medication morphine IV dog.

spk_0 Drip drip drop.

spk_0 A drip drip drip drip drip drip drip.

spk_0 I got that drip.

spk_0 I got that drip drip drip drip.

spk_0 I got that drip just two IVs in my arms.

spk_0 I got that drip drip drip.

spk_0 I'm just drooling.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 It does feel good.

spk_0 It's bad news bears.

spk_0 You know, when you get on it, you know, they're like, be careful.

spk_0 Because it's fun.

spk_0 I think in the last five years of my life, when I'm 70, I think I'm going to do it.

spk_0 70 in the last five.

spk_0 That's the, what are you talking about?

spk_0 I think I'm 75.

spk_0 I'm done.

spk_0 You're living way past 80.

spk_0 I'm 70.

spk_0 I think I'm going to go, you know what?

spk_0 I'm going to liquidate everything.

spk_0 And I'm just going to shoot heroin.

spk_0 Please, dog.

spk_0 Yeah, or fentanyl.

spk_0 There's a new fentanyl.

spk_0 There's a super fentanyl, right?

spk_0 But I think I'm just going to boom, boom.

spk_0 You can come over to my little apartment.

spk_0 I'll give, I'm going to downsize.

spk_0 I'm going to downsize.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And I'm just going to drip my way into heaven.

spk_0 Super fentanyl.

spk_0 There's a new fentanyl, dude.

spk_0 Super fentanyl.

spk_0 Car fentanyl?

spk_0 Extreme potency.

spk_0 Synthetic opioid estimate.

spk_0 Maybe a hundred times more potent than fentanyl.

spk_0 10,000 times more potent than morphine.

spk_0 Damn, dude.

spk_0 It's on the street, though.

spk_0 Give that to me in the hospital, dog.

spk_0 They're like, Andrew, you just have a paper cut.

spk_0 I'm like, I need it.

spk_0 Who took fentanyl was like, nah, it's not enough.

spk_0 Well, probably because they're fucking used to it.

spk_0 They've, they've, they're tolerance is too high.

spk_0 Do a little extra fentanyl, then.

spk_0 Now that's not going to work.

spk_0 Listen, Charlie Geat, Charlie Sheen was like,

spk_0 I was banging seven gram rocks.

spk_0 I was like, fucking go.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 He couldn't get enough.

spk_0 That was the greatest documentary.

spk_0 I love that.

spk_0 We were talking about that for days.

spk_0 It's so, that documentary.

spk_0 What in this, what a life.

spk_0 And the thing that got him sober was like, incredible.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Happy he did.

spk_0 Sheenze's, aka Charlie Sheen.

spk_0 Did you see Jason Bateman's new show, Black Rabbit?

spk_0 Yeah, everyone's talking about it.

spk_0 Betty Goot.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's very good and Jude Law.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Jude Law's so good.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And the new Paul Thomas Anderson, everyone's saying great.

spk_0 So good.

spk_0 A lot, people are saying it's good,

spk_0 but I've seen a little bit of other sides.

spk_0 I'm sorry.

spk_0 They don't like it.

spk_0 I like it yourself.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm gonna.

spk_0 You want to go watch it?

spk_0 I'll go.

spk_0 Yeah, let's do it this way.

spk_0 Let's go.

spk_0 Yeah, I'll watch it.

spk_0 Would you watch it again?

spk_0 I'm gonna go watch it again.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Oh, you are.

spk_0 You have no life.

spk_0 I like going to movies.

spk_0 Are you dating anybody right now?

spk_0 Are you single?

spk_0 I'm single.

spk_0 Are you taking anybody out on dates?

spk_0 No, I like to go to movies by myself

spk_0 because I can get a better seat.

spk_0 Yeah, I agree.

spk_0 I do like going to movies as well by myself,

spk_0 but you're not seeing anybody at all, huh?

spk_0 I'm just walking on a date, but I don't.

spk_0 You know, why don't you be honest?

spk_0 Cause you talked to me that how badly you want to have love.

spk_0 You're like interested badly in love.

spk_0 The problem is that people now watch the show.

spk_0 So, God, fancy.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You know, I will get you back to Spain pretty bad.

spk_0 He'd be that vibe up.

spk_0 Yeah, I don't like watching movies with somebody

spk_0 because I get influenced by them.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 If they laugh or if they yeah.

spk_0 Yeah, I'll be sitting next to somebody.

spk_0 Like I was watching Superman with like three other people.

spk_0 My brother dumbfounded and Jean.

spk_0 Hmm.

spk_0 And I'm watching him like I'm trying to get into it.

spk_0 What's that combined IQ in that room?

spk_0 Sorry, I'm trying to get into it.

spk_0 Fuck you, dude.

spk_0 That's my friend group, dude.

spk_0 And family, what the fuck your brother dumbfounded?

spk_0 Jean Heng is.

spk_0 Yeah, he's get you over 100.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And I turned to my brother and my brother just goes.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 As soon as he did that, I was like, oh, it's bad.

spk_0 No, that's just.

spk_0 And then it ruined the whole thing.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 Or like somebody will just be like, their eyes closed.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I took my dad to Lord of the Rings, the two towers.

spk_0 Sleeping.

spk_0 Dude, because he never seen the first one or the third one.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 Because the third one was an out.

spk_0 And I just remember just opening my,

spk_0 we're going on, right?

spk_0 In the beginning.

spk_0 Just watch.

spk_0 And then like five minutes and he's just,

spk_0 he just, he just, he's deep in.

spk_0 God, leave me gone.

spk_0 Yeah, but he works a lot.

spk_0 He has no interest in, you know what I mean?

spk_0 Or what was he interested in?

spk_0 He's never seen a move.

spk_0 He, you know, my dad was one of those immigrants

spk_0 that was like, he doesn't know what music is.

spk_0 I've talked about this before.

spk_0 I know, but it's so funny.

spk_0 Not his music.

spk_0 He doesn't know what music is.

spk_0 Turn it on.

spk_0 He's like, ah, ah.

spk_0 I mean, yeah, but right before he died, right?

spk_0 I had AirPods.

spk_0 The translation ones?

spk_0 The new ones?

spk_0 No, no, no.

spk_0 And he was like,

spk_0 they finally communicated.

spk_0 I know what you're saying.

spk_0 After all those years, I love Royal Radiohead.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 In rainbows is amazing.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We had fishes.

spk_0 What's this?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So he, we put in Eric Clapton.

spk_0 Reconnaugh.

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 Yeah, I recognize.

spk_0 We put Eric Clapton in.

spk_0 What's that song?

spk_0 Tears and cheers and heaven.

spk_0 Tears and heaven.

spk_0 Oh, God.

spk_0 Put it in.

spk_0 We play it.

spk_0 Never heard music before in his life.

spk_0 Now, I mean, obviously he's in the elevator in a mall.

spk_0 He hears it in the ambiance of it.

spk_0 Pure, alive.

spk_0 He.

spk_0

spk_0 He.

spk_0

spk_0 He gets to the pearly gates.

spk_0 He's like,

spk_0 I'm sorry, sir.

spk_0 What do you keep singing a song?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Did he smile through the song?

spk_0 Did he?

spk_0 And he's like, we play it.

spk_0 And he's like, kind of sitting there

spk_0 and then a singled here.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I swear to God.

spk_0 It comes out his face.

spk_0 And it was the first time he ever.

spk_0 Who do you know?

spk_0 Who do you know my name?

spk_0 I've asked all your heroine.

spk_0 So you take the next one.

spk_0 Where did that be?

spk_0 Same.

spk_0 If I saw you in a heroine,

spk_0 I must be strong.

spk_0 Is that how it goes?

spk_0 I must be strong.

spk_0 And carry on.

spk_0 Cause I know I don't be wrong.

spk_0 He'll be an airborne brother.

spk_0 And this about his kid falling out of window.

spk_0 Yeah, we didn't explain that to him.

spk_0 He was doing cocaine on a balcony.

spk_0 I don't know what the story was.

spk_0 Was he doing cocaine?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 He loved cocaine traditionally.

spk_0 He was a song about it.

spk_0 But it's about his son falling out of a fucking 50thord.

spk_0 50thord story apartment.

spk_0 How do you move on after that?

spk_0 God.

spk_0 How do you move on after that?

spk_0 50thory floors like this.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I mean, so long.

spk_0 That's...

spk_0 So many stories.

spk_0 What do you think I've ever seen?

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 It's so long.

spk_0 How long is that?

spk_0 That's a long time.

spk_0 Long time, man.

spk_0 Oh my god.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 That's so fun too.

spk_0 Forever.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Whoa.

spk_0 Look who's here.

spk_0 Come on in, Prince.

spk_0 Sit down in these chairs.

spk_0 Hey, hey, hey, hey.

spk_0 You could've came in and muddied.

spk_0 I'd always...

spk_0 Did you guys lock the door?

spk_0 No, we left it open for you.

spk_0 What's wrong with that?

spk_0 You don't like that?

spk_0 Jack Black did it.

spk_0 Yeah, Jack Black.

spk_0 Ship station.

spk_0 We go to Ship Station.

spk_0 We have an online store and, you know,

spk_0 it's the inception of Bad Friends.

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spk_0 Cash app.

spk_0 Hey, man.

spk_0 I want to feel safe when I'm transferring money.

spk_0 And I didn't feel safe.

spk_0 I used a competitive app a years ago and I got hacked.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And that was so annoying because someone was renting a boat in Florida and my bank was like,

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spk_0 Is your hair wet or just greasy wet?

spk_0 Okay, shower.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 How you look good though, look at the lettuce on the kids.

spk_0 Don't get defensive.

spk_0 You're doing all right.

spk_0 Ask you a fucking question man.

spk_0 Your hair looks good too.

spk_0 Looks nice.

spk_0 What if you look?

spk_0 It does, you cut it, it looks stylish.

spk_0 Introduce our fucking guest.

spk_0 And you look Kevin Ryan H. Foley from Ari Garbage.

spk_0 Hey, let it jump in Ari Garbage is in the house.

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 Well, happy to be here.

spk_0

spk_0 Do you like the chair?

spk_0 Hate the chair.

spk_0 Why you hate the chair?

spk_0 Because I'm a fat pig, I feel like Biggie.

spk_0 This is what Biggie felt like his whole career.

spk_0 Give me the loot, give me the loot.

spk_0 That's the one phrase he knows.

spk_0 I'm not kidding, he says that every week.

spk_0 It's the only thing I know.

spk_0 That's correct.

spk_0 Because that came off quick.

spk_0 I was like, damn Bobby's a fucking guy.

spk_0 Why do you say mean, diminutive stuff about yourself?

spk_0 Yeah dude, I'm all fatty.

spk_0 You're successful now.

spk_0 You feel, are you bigger than you were before?

spk_0 I'm actually going on the way down.

spk_0 I started zettbound, what, six weeks ago?

spk_0 What's it called?

spk_0 Zettbound.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Is it like ozimpy and we go over?

spk_0 He's on the go-to or what?

spk_0 Yeah, me too.

spk_0 You are?

spk_0

spk_0 You are?

spk_0 Down 40 pounds.

spk_0 What do you mean you always look though?

spk_0 I've never seen that.

spk_0 I'm super slow.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 Yeah, I'm down 30.

spk_0 I'm down 30.

spk_0 You look great.

spk_0 You're down 30.

spk_0 I told you that was just like, came in.

spk_0 The hair looks good.

spk_0 You look good.

spk_0 Look Hollywood.

spk_0 You're 35 pounds.

spk_0 This guy's got off now.

spk_0 30.

spk_0 Yeah, thanks.

spk_0 What would you get the biggest with your app?

spk_0 Probably 250.

spk_0 Shut the fuck up.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 I'll tell you.

spk_0 Five.

spk_0 Yeah, probably five 11.

spk_0 Probably right under, smidge under six.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 You 50?

spk_0 That was just big.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 As many times as much.

spk_0 Who's an eatin' good food.

spk_0 It's like, you know.

spk_0 You know, you have the roundest eyes I've ever seen.

spk_0 Thanks, bud.

spk_0 You, not so much.

spk_0 Zingers.

spk_0 Bring them out.

spk_0 If fully your eyes are pretty Asian.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 To me, right?

spk_0 Yeah, it's more Japanese.

spk_0 It's more Ronin.

spk_0 I think.

spk_0

spk_0 Yeah, you know, like a bigger samurai.

spk_0 I like that.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 I will say samurai.

spk_0 If you gain weight, it does smush your eyes a little bit.

spk_0 When you lose some fucking weight, those things are going to be big.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Beautiful.

spk_0 Are you thinking about getting the injection?

spk_0 What do you mean injection?

spk_0 Oh, no, you're already on it.

spk_0 I'm on it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Is it the same thing as ozempic and so it's different?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 The side effects aren't as bad and, yeah, it's...

spk_0 The set bound is a brand new.

spk_0 It's a different prescription medication.

spk_0 Tear zip a tie.

spk_0 Use for a chronic weight.

spk_0 Okay, let's go down to...

spk_0 Let's see what the side effects are.

spk_0 Generally, consider it safe when you use it directed, but comes with the potential side effects.

spk_0 nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation.

spk_0 You already have all these...

spk_0 You've got all that stuff to begin with.

spk_0 Yeah, that's what I mean.

spk_0 It made me gay.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Oh, no shit.

spk_0 Yeah, it's awesome.

spk_0 Yeah, I like it.

spk_0 And then you guys are sharing hotel rooms.

spk_0 Fatigue and hair loss.

spk_0 You've got a lot of lettuce who cares.

spk_0 You're fine.

spk_0 The constipation I have a problem with.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Brutal.

spk_0 It's brutal.

spk_0 It's made of mussel for it.

spk_0 Yeah, the combat.

spk_0 They'll be go three days.

spk_0 Remember that I celebrated it?

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 No, yeah, three days.

spk_0 Three days.

spk_0 And I sent you a poop photo.

spk_0 Yeah, it was nice.

spk_0 Yeah, it was like celebration.

spk_0 Saved it, printed it.

spk_0 That's kind of a relationship we have.

spk_0 You get clogged up?

spk_0 On this not so bad.

spk_0 The ozempic, it was brutal.

spk_0 It was like I was getting chemo.

spk_0 That's why I had to stop.

spk_0 Did you throw up too?

spk_0 Oh, I was throwing it down.

spk_0 The ozempic was awful.

spk_0 Awful.

spk_0 No shit.

spk_0 Now you're on it too, huh?

spk_0 I don't have a fucking one side effect.

spk_0 I'm a almond.

spk_0 It's great.

spk_0 On zepbound or on zepbound.

spk_0 You guys are both on it.

spk_0 You guys sponsor by do a read real fast into the camera.

spk_0 Are you a fat piece of shit?

spk_0 You have no self control.

spk_0 You want to see your dick look a little bit bigger?

spk_0 Get on zepbound.

spk_0 Hey, that is your dick look bigger?

spk_0 No, same size.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 You don't get it?

spk_0 There's no more life in it.

spk_0 30 pounds, 25 pounds came out of my penis.

spk_0 I had a very thick penis.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 It's hard to hear.

spk_0 Boy, it's spankin'.

spk_0 Boy, you can't change that.

spk_0 It's genetic.

spk_0 No, it's a little bit bigger.

spk_0 It looks bigger.

spk_0 Mine started to look a little bigger.

spk_0 You've seen that Sydney Swini commercial.

spk_0 He's like, my jeans, my jeans are Asian.

spk_0 I got it.

spk_0 You know, I don't like it.

spk_0 Fuck you.

spk_0 I don't like what we're doing right now.

spk_0 I'm not making funny.

spk_0 I got a small piece myself.

spk_0 I don't have a small piece.

spk_0 That's the thing.

spk_0 I got it.

spk_0

spk_0 Wait, wait, wait.

spk_0 I don't have one.

spk_0 That's the thing.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 For my body structure.

spk_0 Sure.

spk_0 Very good.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Like, you know, like Spud Web.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 You're dickin' jumpi.

spk_0 I'm just saying.

spk_0 No, it's not.

spk_0 Obviously Spud Web is not gonna have Shaquille O'Neal's.

spk_0 Yes, he is.

spk_0 Historically, you've never heard of this.

spk_0 This guy has a fuckin' pipe.

spk_0 It fell out of his shorts one time when he was dunkin'.

spk_0 Like, confidence you need to jump that high is a little guy.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 How tall was Spud Web?

spk_0 Five, six.

spk_0

spk_0 God, what a man, huh?

spk_0 He was great.

spk_0 Twitter's been feeding me a lot of Asian porn lately.

spk_0 I don't know why.

spk_0 Twitter's feeding him.

spk_0

spk_0 All right, man.

spk_0 He's obsessed that there's like full-blown porn on Twitter.

spk_0 It's crazy.

spk_0 He's like all over.

spk_0 You know, there's porn on the internet.

spk_0 I know, but talkin' about Twitter.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Too many of us.

spk_0 Why do you like it so much?

spk_0 You think it just because it's like you're reading about news and

spk_0 does that have to or shit and then you get off to a little Asian foot.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 It's awesome.

spk_0 I love it.

spk_0 What's your favorite kind?

spk_0 Of porn?

spk_0 Of Asian.

spk_0 Of Asian?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Japanese Korean.

spk_0 And then.

spk_0 Oh, wait, Japanese goes number one.

spk_0 Of course.

spk_0 Into the porn.

spk_0 Oh, Japanese is always number one.

spk_0 Everybody has.

spk_0 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

spk_0 Japanese girls.

spk_0 Antime, anime, anime.

spk_0 Chip.

spk_0 Japanese has always been number one.

spk_0 And number one for every audience.

spk_0 And three.

spk_0

spk_0 A pop's makin' a move, though.

spk_0 Yeah, it was makin' a movie.

spk_0 Not good enough.

spk_0 That girl Rose is beautiful.

spk_0 Who?

spk_0 Does she have a rose?

spk_0 You know what I'm talkin' about?

spk_0 Why are you lookin' at me?

spk_0 Like, I know everything.

spk_0 Like he's a fucking expert at every Japanese porn star?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 What is it called?

spk_0 Rose.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Her name's Rose. She does the song with Bruno Mars.

spk_0 Oh, apata.

spk_0 You don't know this?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Oh, she's gorgeous.

spk_0 You like her.

spk_0

spk_0 Great singer too.

spk_0 Would you leave your wife for her?

spk_0 Absolutely.

spk_0 Throw it all away.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 We can really throw it over.

spk_0 Kevin, how about you?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 You're not going to leave your wife for Rose?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Number one, good.

spk_0 And of course I wouldn't.

spk_0 Oh my God.

spk_0 Kedaswift.

spk_0 What?

spk_0

spk_0 What?

spk_0 You would.

spk_0 I would have.

spk_0 No, no, no, no.

spk_0 You're like Asian girls.

spk_0 No, I do like Asian.

spk_0 I used to.

spk_0 I've dated an Asian.

spk_0 It's the top of it we talked about before.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's a white's number one on your list, isn't it?

spk_0 You always say keep it white.

spk_0 That's what he says.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 He's white, baby.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 You're married to a white.

spk_0 I'm married to a white.

spk_0 She's a good looking.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm not questioning that.

spk_0 I'm questioning the racism.

spk_0 He just did the Trump.

spk_0 She's a good looking.

spk_0

spk_0 What's been going on with the dogs?

spk_0 I haven't seen you guys in a long time.

spk_0 On tour, running around.

spk_0 On tour, the back on the block tour.

spk_0 Getting by.

spk_0 That's what we're doing.

spk_0 What are you talking about?

spk_0 You guys are cruising.

spk_0 Rough summer.

spk_0 Why would you tour in the summer?

spk_0 We didn't tour in the summer.

spk_0 We were off.

spk_0 Kippy had a baby.

spk_0 Oh, congratulations.

spk_0 The first one.

spk_0 Yeah, first one.

spk_0 Oh my God.

spk_0 So white one too.

spk_0 Let's guess the name.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We'll do it.

spk_0 Donovan.

spk_0 That's really good.

spk_0 A big, big nap guy.

spk_0

spk_0 Chad.

spk_0 I know that.

spk_0 You're attacking my whiteness.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 No, because you're an artist.

spk_0 I'm an artist.

spk_0 Yeah, it's going to be a little artsy.

spk_0 I call it a guy.

spk_0 Fat for a little.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 And art is to be able to.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 You call him fat.

spk_0 I do the Asian.

spk_0 Devon.

spk_0 Kevin and Devon.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 What is it?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 The baby's name.

spk_0 Marcus.

spk_0 No, we went with Dan.

spk_0 Dan.

spk_0 Daniel.

spk_0

spk_0 Daniel.

spk_0

spk_0 He was going to go with Earthquake.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 I ain't never met a bitch named Cuddy.

spk_0 Lisa.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Mr. Pat.

spk_0 Mm-hmm.

spk_0 Was that a heart struggle to come up with Dan?

spk_0 Irish.

spk_0 That's how we do it.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's how we do it.

spk_0 That's some Irish pig shit.

spk_0 It's not like I'm going to fucking name my kid Chong.

spk_0 Should.

spk_0 Chong Lee.

spk_0 Chang and Chong would be amazing.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Good name.

spk_0 Good boy.

spk_0 Strong lad.

spk_0 It's a family name.

spk_0 You're going to do this whole fucking game where people are like, he's in the top birth

spk_0 percentile of a zoo.

spk_0 You all that bullshit.

spk_0 He's a big fan of his.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 See, I know that's a 99.

spk_0 Well, let me guess the weight.

spk_0 The weight was him 450.

spk_0 The weighted Dan, your boy.

spk_0 What's full term?

spk_0 At born.

spk_0 I born.

spk_0 I don't remember.

spk_0 I don't know anything about it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't.

spk_0 But age, when you look at the baby, does it look like you?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Does it feel like you love the baby?

spk_0 I mean, he's your best friend, right?

spk_0 One of your best friends.

spk_0 Love the baby.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Adorable Irish baby.

spk_0 So if Kevin passed away, would you take it?

spk_0 I always love coming and talking to these guys.

spk_0 Would you take care of it?

spk_0 It's a good time.

spk_0 He wouldn't let me.

spk_0 So who's the Godfather?

spk_0 Don't you have a Godfather?

spk_0 Not yet.

spk_0 You got to pick something.

spk_0 It's got to be.

spk_0 I got to be with my brother.

spk_0 No, no, no, no, no.

spk_0 It's got to be.

spk_0 Maybe let me push for eight.

spk_0 No, he's got to be his brother.

spk_0 No, I would love to hear this.

spk_0 Please state your case, Mr.

spk_0 Mr. What?

spk_0 You're going to say something.

spk_0 Go ahead.

spk_0 Well, Chong or whatever it is.

spk_0 Yeah, you say, Mr. Bobby, leave my good dear friend.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Um, I don't know your brother.

spk_0 So this is tough.

spk_0 Um, he's unholy.

spk_0 He's unholy.

spk_0 No, we were talking about it earlier.

spk_0

spk_0 Would you give me your kid a few past away?

spk_0 Well, I mean, he would be first in line.

spk_0 Yeah, he's not hit.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 My relationship with him, you're not the same relationship with age?

spk_0 I do.

spk_0 But I'm not Andrew.

spk_0 That would be like, I don't even know what that means.

spk_0 What is going on?

spk_0 That would be like a dangerous person with you.

spk_0 Andrew Wadsible with you.

spk_0 I would.

spk_0 Yeah, Andrew would leave.

spk_0 I would leave my kid with him.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yeah, and he would make my godfather.

spk_0 I would leave my kid with him, but not the other way.

spk_0 Yeah, so what's your fucking problem?

spk_0 Because he has better prospects.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Oh, I'm a moron.

spk_0 You're my only prospect.

spk_0 You're not a moron, buddy.

spk_0 There's no offense.

spk_0

spk_0 I don't know how it seems like they're turning against me.

spk_0 You don't seem like a moron, mo moron.

spk_0 You're not a moron, dude.

spk_0 I can name you a state in city and Kansas.

spk_0 You see the question is confusing.

spk_0 Cancer is a question.

spk_0 Cancer City.

spk_0

spk_0 Cancer City.

spk_0 Capital, capital, California.

spk_0 Fuck.

spk_0 It's not LA.

spk_0 It's a...

spk_0 It's not Sacramento.

spk_0 There it is.

spk_0 There we go.

spk_0 Capital.

spk_0 Take my baby.

spk_0 Thanks, buddy.

spk_0 I knew that's all it took.

spk_0 I would want that, but no, it would be bad.

spk_0 You have kids.

spk_0 No kids.

spk_0 That's me a question.

spk_0 What is the capital of Pennsylvania?

spk_0 Pittsburgh.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Oh, fuck.

spk_0 Do you know?

spk_0 Name something that comes with hotpot.

spk_0 Hotpot?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Potatoes.

spk_0 Pretty good.

spk_0 Very, thank you.

spk_0 That's actually very funny.

spk_0 We tried this one time.

spk_0 We did the RU Smart of the Fifth Grader.

spk_0 We lost the reason.

spk_0 We failed every fucking question.

spk_0 Yeah, we did it on Patreon.

spk_0 But are you guys...

spk_0 Are you guys college graduates?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Which I am...

spk_0 I went to Temple.

spk_0 You know?

spk_0 That's a good school.

spk_0 Well, how about you?

spk_0 I flunked out sophomore year.

spk_0 God is good.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Why in your university?

spk_0 Shout out to...

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Plate football.

spk_0 Hey.

spk_0 Why in there?

spk_0 Yeah, why in here is all right?

spk_0 You know it?

spk_0 I went to skinnier.

spk_0 Our rivals.

spk_0 I hate it for the best.

spk_0 We beat you guys.

spk_0 All the time.

spk_0 Good to have you.

spk_0 The game's over, I guess.

spk_0 No, I went to Arizona State, dude.

spk_0 I'm a fucking...

spk_0 Mundumbo, bumbo.

spk_0 Yeah, it's a big dummy.

spk_0 People always say that.

spk_0 Yeah, that's Arizona.

spk_0 I think they're awesome schools.

spk_0 No, wow.

spk_0 They're fun.

spk_0 Hot chicks.

spk_0 It's a party school.

spk_0 One of like a lazy river.

spk_0 That was like always the big thing.

spk_0 It was a great rumor.

spk_0 And they also said 90% acceptance rate.

spk_0 Let's go.

spk_0 That's pretty good.

spk_0 Can you check Temple Universities?

spk_0 Yeah, it's gotta be like 30.

spk_0 I think it's under 50.

spk_0 No, it's really...

spk_0 They have like...

spk_0 They claim they have like 500,000 students.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Oh, you're just as high as us.

spk_0 Wow.

spk_0 Hey, what's the school...

spk_0 What school has the highest acceptance rate?

spk_0 Do that.

spk_0 I want to know what that is.

spk_0 Let's take a guess.

spk_0 My guess would be Florida State.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 It's gotta be a state.

spk_0 No, but it's like...

spk_0 Penn State, maybe.

spk_0 No, they just have so many.

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 College of Staten Island.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 Oh, I was assuming that.

spk_0 That makes...

spk_0 Soon he's like...

spk_0 98% rate.

spk_0 University of Mississippi.

spk_0 He's cited with a 98%.

spk_0 So everyone could want a Mississippi.

spk_0 So if I was denied at Dixie University, am I...

spk_0 I killed myself.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I didn't go to college.

spk_0 I didn't go into nothing.

spk_0 Why would he need to?

spk_0 Look at this, huh?

spk_0 Yeah, I'm a brainiac, dude.

spk_0 Ask me anything.

spk_0 I'm a brainiac.

spk_0 I'm a potato.

spk_0 Hotpot.

spk_0 What are you already working, like, right after high school?

spk_0 You're in a sweatshop, yeah.

spk_0 Making 90s.

spk_0 Is that what you're saying?

spk_0 In fact, yeah, he made those.

spk_0 I made those.

spk_0 Actually, I got some notes for you.

spk_0 No, you were already cruising in entertainment a little bit.

spk_0 I started at 23.

spk_0 Oh, really?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 From high school to 23, no future almost die.

spk_0 Damn.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 I had no future.

spk_0 I had no idea what I was going to do.

spk_0 Guys, got six guys on the road with you.

spk_0 What do you talk of?

spk_0 Videographer, producer, videographer, manager?

spk_0 Yeah, we got a guy, Die-Ops, we call him, director of operations.

spk_0 He gave himself that title.

spk_0 He pretty much drives the van and stuff.

spk_0 Now, he's our boy, Ryan D.

spk_0 He's great.

spk_0

spk_0 We got him.

spk_0 We got two openers and a producer and then us two opener.

spk_0 Two opener comics that we might know or no.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff.

spk_0 Oh, no.

spk_0 Yeah, it's right now.

spk_0 Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff.

spk_0 Colin works with Jessica Carson a lot.

spk_0 And Sam is Jewish.

spk_0 Yes.

spk_0 You have a resident you got to have one.

spk_0 You got to have one.

spk_0 Sam is right in LA.

spk_0 You got to have a Jew.

spk_0 Trust me, I know.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 You guys do the bus when you're on the road or no?

spk_0 We have.

spk_0 We've done the bus.

spk_0 Fuck that.

spk_0 I kind of like the bus.

spk_0 You don't like it.

spk_0 We'll never do that shit ever again.

spk_0 We?

spk_0 We love it.

spk_0 This guy had night terrors every fucking night.

spk_0 You got a bad hang.

spk_0 I loved it.

spk_0 No, dude, I'd rather just go to the hotel get a nice hotel.

spk_0 I get that.

spk_0 Yeah, I get that.

spk_0 You don't like waking up in the new city?

spk_0 No, I like just I like waking up in a nice hotel bed instead of

spk_0 Listen to this guy scream bloody murder every fucking night and then hit

spk_0 up until 5 30 playing video games and peeing every day.

spk_0 Yeah, he does.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I put I put in the.

spk_0 Yeah, he put in the.

spk_0 Rule number one.

spk_0 That's not the bus.

spk_0 That's the squad.

spk_0 You guys got to fucking step it up a little bit.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Now honestly, fuck this whole team.

spk_0 Yeah, you don't know.

spk_0 Yeah, we grew up.

spk_0 But my favorite is with Bert beat on the bus with Bert.

spk_0 Oh, he's got nine buses.

spk_0 Yeah, baby.

spk_0 When he was I almost died.

spk_0 Remember, I fell off the fucking pump.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm very excited.

spk_0 You guys did that tour with him?

spk_0 No, no, we were on that.

spk_0 But I made that show as national headline.

spk_0 I saw that on fucking.

spk_0 Well, he posted about it so he could cancel shows.

spk_0 Unfortunately, probably we will not be performing tonight.

spk_0 I'll be back in 2026.

spk_0 What the fuck happened?

spk_0 I cut to my roof.

spk_0 All right, so I was on the top bunk.

spk_0 It was pitch black like three in the morning.

spk_0 Which he shouldn't be in the first place.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 You're a bottom bunk guy.

spk_0 I also asked.

spk_0 I'm a bottom bunk.

spk_0 I asked people, hey, can I get the bottom?

spk_0 I have little legs.

spk_0 That's that's what I know.

spk_0 I claimed it.

spk_0 That's fucked up.

spk_0 Like bullie shit.

spk_0 He also told him shame on you.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 So I'm on the top bunk, right?

spk_0 It's pitch black.

spk_0 I don't know where we're in the middle of the south somewhere.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 I opened up the curtain.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 And I have to go to the bathroom.

spk_0 So I take my hand.

spk_0 I can't see it.

spk_0 To brace myself on the opposite side of the other bunk.

spk_0 The ledge.

spk_0 And I miss it.

spk_0 And I just I fall forward.

spk_0 And I hit my mouth on the fucking thing.

spk_0 Sky, I think you're going to reach across the bus.

spk_0 These arms are like a foot long.

spk_0 She's got two Rex arms.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm going to be wake up.

spk_0 But I'm going to be wake up.

spk_0 No one woke up.

spk_0 And I was on the ground with knocked on conscious.

spk_0 They woke up.

spk_0 They were like, man.

spk_0 You got knocked out.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And I just blood everywhere.

spk_0 So I go to the front of the bus.

spk_0 I sit there.

spk_0 And I go to the driver.

spk_0 And I go, I think I need to go out for a while.

spk_0 And he goes, no, man.

spk_0 We're seven hours away.

spk_0 I'm bleeding.

spk_0 I think I need to sit to note seven hours, dude.

spk_0 I fucking.

spk_0 And then I start testing.

spk_0 Burr, everybody, no replies.

spk_0 No one's asleep.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm just sitting there just in a pool of blood for like hours.

spk_0 It was fucking crazy.

spk_0 Yeah, get a paper towel.

spk_0 What's in my son?

spk_0 It's like I did all that.

spk_0 What do you think, dude?

spk_0 Did you need stitches?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Yeah, he did.

spk_0 I think I like bunch of stitches.

spk_0 And uh.

spk_0 Three.

spk_0 You got three.

spk_0 I knew a bunch was a big thing.

spk_0

spk_0 Well, he said you didn't get 15.

spk_0 You got three.

spk_0 I got a lot.

spk_0 Three.

spk_0 Four.

spk_0 Now what you saying?

spk_0 Five.

spk_0 But to say in the lawsuit, what?

spk_0 45 stitches.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 And you know what was great.

spk_0 And this is Bert and you know, the whole team.

spk_0 Man.

spk_0 Yeah, the whole team.

spk_0 The squad.

spk_0 Love the squad.

spk_0 And they were like, you know, obviously go home.

spk_0 But they paid me for the gigs.

spk_0 Oh, great.

spk_0 Which is so cool.

spk_0 That's what he liked the most.

spk_0 Yeah, sure.

spk_0 Every time we go on tour, he's going to fall off a bunk.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah.

spk_0 I can't put a phone.

spk_0 That's getting off cheap.

spk_0 They're probably worried you're going to fucking.

spk_0 I would never do it.

spk_0 Even if I died, I wouldn't do it.

spk_0 Not to Bert and Leanne.

spk_0 There's other people we would do.

spk_0 I love them so much.

spk_0 But not that.

spk_0 You can't do that.

spk_0 You can't meet better people.

spk_0 The best.

spk_0 Two of the best people I've ever heard.

spk_0 Leanne, oh my, come on.

spk_0 He's the best.

spk_0 Yeah, she's great.

spk_0 You know what's so funny though?

spk_0 The bus thing, our driver.

spk_0 And that was also that guy was a fucking lunatic.

spk_0 We had a lunatic.

spk_0 Mega Man.

spk_0 What the fuck was his nickname?

spk_0 He had like a, he was like a superhero nickname.

spk_0 One night I wake up because the bus is like, you know, this.

spk_0 And I'm like, dude, what's going on?

spk_0 And I walk up there and I pop up the curtain open.

spk_0 Pop off the buttons.

spk_0 This motherfucker is going off on his wife.

spk_0 Do you remember this?

spk_0 He's yelling at this dude.

spk_0 That's awesome.

spk_0 He's like, that's what I fucking said.

spk_0 Is that when that's old age the fucking bee?

spk_0 And he's yelling into his headset like.

spk_0 And so I was like, he's wide awake.

spk_0 So I took the button back on, went back and laid it.

spk_0 I thought he might be dozen.

spk_0 That he's not going to sleep for six more hours.

spk_0 No, he's not locked in.

spk_0 We'll see you later, Salt Lake City.

spk_0 He'll be there.

spk_0 Fucking bitch.

spk_0 We, uh, I hated it, don't we had one that broke down.

spk_0 We did like root 66.

spk_0 We had one that broke down and barely made the gig.

spk_0 Like pulled in as like, you know, oh, no, see?

spk_0 It was we had a sleep on the bus just parked in Tulsa or something like.

spk_0 Yeah, that was good.

spk_0 And a sketch like behind the venue because he couldn't get the bus started.

spk_0 You guys go to Memphis, by any chance?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 We'll never.

spk_0 Fucking bring up Memphis.

spk_0 I fucking hated it.

spk_0 It was PTSD.

spk_0 Like the, the venue, like the show we tank shit in a way we've never been.

spk_0 I bomb so hard.

spk_0 They had that just have no no no no no no no.

spk_0 No, you're Memphis is all.

spk_0 It's just a kind of bomb.

spk_0 Recently.

spk_0 Yeah, a couple years ago.

spk_0 Two years ago.

spk_0 Dude, it was so bad.

spk_0 We stayed here.

spk_0 We're on the Elvis's.

spk_0 We're on Graceland.

spk_0 We played fucking the Graceland stages.

spk_0 Ah, and we're thinking this is the best.

spk_0 Dude, we're the fucking out.

spk_0 Lay up.

spk_0 Dude, nope, tank shit.

spk_0 And then we were also like, can we go get something to eat?

spk_0 And they're like, I don't recommend it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's not the nicest area.

spk_0 Well, we're hungry.

spk_0 That was the room.

spk_0 You guys don't have bad gigs?

spk_0 Yeah, no.

spk_0 Yeah, every once in a while.

spk_0 Yeah, for sure.

spk_0 Worst gigs.

spk_0 What's the city?

spk_0 They're not going to name a city.

spk_0 No, that you tank the hardest in.

spk_0 On the tour.

spk_0 What was that?

spk_0 Where were we?

spk_0 Oh, is that one that we pulled into?

spk_0 I wasn't salt lake.

spk_0 Somewhere down there in the in the Southwest.

spk_0 Like a Denverish kind of town.

spk_0 But then I think Arizona.

spk_0 What was Phoenix?

spk_0 Phoenix.

spk_0 Flagstaff.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We fucking, I mean, we're like, we need a Flagstaff on a Wednesday.

spk_0 Oh, God.

spk_0 Fucking soul, light.

spk_0 Is that the venue?

spk_0 That was the we played.

spk_0 Oh, okay.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Flagstaff got here.

spk_0 It was just, it was just, it was, and like, it was soft.

spk_0 It was one of those things.

spk_0 They ended up like, they had a good time and like, but we just, I can tell you, our fans of Memphis

spk_0 did not have a good time.

spk_0 Yeah, not with us.

spk_0 We just did a love as well.

spk_0 Flagstaff is also pretty beautiful.

spk_0 A lot of people, like, a lot of whites like to go up there and get married and get married.

spk_0 It's you, yeah.

spk_0 A lot of cash up there.

spk_0 One thing we did do to circumvent the bus because the one the bus is very circumvent.

spk_0 What does that mean?

spk_0 Go around.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Don't use big words around my friend, man.

spk_0 I apologize.

spk_0 Being kind of standing.

spk_0 I apologize.

spk_0 That's pretty good.

spk_0 They had that, they had circumvent.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Find the way around.

spk_0 That's good.

spk_0 We bought a, we bought a very nice, the nicest conversion van we could buy and we kind

spk_0 of used that as the tour bus.

spk_0 Like, we need runs.

spk_0 Diobs, our boy Ryan D will drive it out to Michigan.

spk_0 He'll pick us up at the airport in Michigan and then that's where cruising around in that

spk_0 for the week.

spk_0 Wait, why Michigan?

spk_0 Or like, wherever the runs are.

spk_0 I was like, yeah, you guys aren't living.

spk_0 Are you guys living in New York?

spk_0 Where you live?

spk_0 Queens.

spk_0 Queens, yeah.

spk_0 All of you?

spk_0 No, I gotta have been heading.

spk_0 You're not getting that amony, are you?

spk_0 Yeah, you're not getting that Austin itch, huh?

spk_0

spk_0 The heat would kill me.

spk_0 Yeah, true.

spk_0 I genuinely, yeah, that'd be really good.

spk_0 You guys dread being here.

spk_0 Not at bad friends, but at LA.

spk_0 No, I love LA.

spk_0 I don't have any of that shit that other people say.

spk_0 That's what I like about you.

spk_0 I don't like it.

spk_0 It's, you know, that's it.

spk_0 Hey, true group.

spk_0 What's up, true group?

spk_0 I love it.

spk_0 I don't, I don't, I don't hate it.

spk_0 I'm not one of those guys.

spk_0 I just don't love it.

spk_0 It's just not, I enjoy my time out here.

spk_0 Like seeing my friends.

spk_0 I get it.

spk_0 We stayed and we got a fucking very nice house in the hills.

spk_0 We're having a bit at all.

spk_0 You rented a crib for the kids.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 What are we talking about?

spk_0 Nice, nice property.

spk_0 Good place to ODF.

spk_0 Should Airbnb?

spk_0 Airbnb looked up and looked it up on Zillow.

spk_0 It's below 6.5 million.

spk_0 How long you in town for?

spk_0 Let me get that right.

spk_0 Let me say it again.

spk_0 Circumvent.

spk_0 How long are you guys in town for?

spk_0 Until Thursday.

spk_0 Yeah, we were here Saturday, Thursday.

spk_0 We called you.

spk_0 You're gonna answer.

spk_0 Yeah, he loves taking people to dinner.

spk_0 I was looking for your car in the parking lot to see what you were whipping around.

spk_0 I don't, I don't drive anymore, man.

spk_0 Not actually the accident.

spk_0 What accident?

spk_0 You didn't hear about his accident?

spk_0 It was died.

spk_0 No, yeah, dude.

spk_0 Is that true?

spk_0 I hit it.

spk_0 You're fucking with me.

spk_0 No, dude.

spk_0 I hit it.

spk_0 Look at my eye, my eyes are fucked up.

spk_0 I hit a couple.

spk_0 I was pink, guys.

spk_0 He had a fault.

spk_0 It wasn't his fault.

spk_0 It wasn't his fault, though.

spk_0 Well, I mean, I was drinking, but yeah, it was.

spk_0 He was.

spk_0 He died.

spk_0 No, it's not fine.

spk_0 Why would you joke him?

spk_0 No, I shouldn't joke about it.

spk_0 I mean, he almost died, dude.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Yeah, dude.

spk_0 It's in fucking Hollywood reporter.

spk_0 Hollywood reporter brought it up.

spk_0 And deadline.

spk_0 I'll pull it out.

spk_0 Let's see if that's my ticket there from the hospital.

spk_0 Yep.

spk_0 Holy shit.

spk_0 It was really bad, dude.

spk_0 It was really bad.

spk_0 You get knocked out?

spk_0 Yeah, dude.

spk_0 I was there for three days at the hospital.

spk_0 It was pretty terrible.

spk_0 I don't remember anything for almost a week.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Almost a week, like five days.

spk_0 It was this.

spk_0 Dude, he was hooked up with machines.

spk_0 It was in saying.

spk_0 He's lying.

spk_0 No, dude.

spk_0 Hold up.

spk_0

spk_0 Hold up.

spk_0

spk_0 Hold up.

spk_0

spk_0 Hold up.

spk_0

spk_0 Hold up.

spk_0 Nope.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Sorry.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 You have sad eyes.

spk_0 You just complimented him.

spk_0 I know, but they're drooping their sad and I don't like it.

spk_0 He's tired.

spk_0 So what I'm going to say is before we look it up, I want to say this.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 Already, will you look at me right now?

spk_0 I'm not done talking.

spk_0 Go.

spk_0 All right.

spk_0 We told you a fact.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 And you doubted it.

spk_0 That's right.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Sure.

spk_0 Which means there's division between our teams.

spk_0 That's right.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 We're not cohesive.

spk_0 No, we're just not suckers.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 We know what you two are up to.

spk_0 We lie all the time.

spk_0 We were expecting to formally said that he crashed his Kia Serrento incident appears.

spk_0 It's been minor.

spk_0 2001.

spk_0 2021.

spk_0 It was a 2021 Kia Serrento.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's wrong.

spk_0 He's been in the hospital for three, four, five years.

spk_0 Every day.

spk_0 I was only here for three days.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I know those four years.

spk_0 That was one of my favorite bits.

spk_0 I always kept saying I got really good though.

spk_0 I crashed the Kia Serrento.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 People fucking for some reason.

spk_0 If you said you got in a car actually, you're like, yeah, do I crash my old Kia Serrento?

spk_0 People like, damn.

spk_0 Like they buy it right away.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't know why the car validates the accident.

spk_0 I was going to make fun of you for driving a Kia.

spk_0 I was a Kia.

spk_0 What do you drive?

spk_0 Flashy guy.

spk_0 I drive it.

spk_0 You live in Queens.

spk_0 You don't have a car.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I got a Jeep.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Oh, so you're better than a Kia.

spk_0 Hot shot.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I have a question.

spk_0 Bobby, are you dating anybody?

spk_0 Can you talk about that or no?

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 No, no, no.

spk_0 I'm absorbing what you're asking.

spk_0 Uh-huh.

spk_0 And I'm going to answer you properly.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Yes, I am.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 Great.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm getting a lot of shit because they're white women.

spk_0 Okay.

spk_0 They're all white women.

spk_0 So you're dating casually.

spk_0 You're not in your relationship.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 That's cool.

spk_0 And my Asian friends and family are going, what's up, dude?

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And I'm like, I don't know those are the ones that like me.

spk_0 What do your friends and family say?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 What's up, dude?

spk_0 Oh, yeah.

spk_0 Mexican.

spk_0 No, that's some of them.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No, but they go to other Asian celebrities give you shit for that kind of stuff.

spk_0 They don't talk to him.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 No, you know, you look at Stephen Yoon.

spk_0 Uh-huh.

spk_0 He's a nice Asian woman.

spk_0 Mm-hmm.

spk_0 John show a nice Asian woman.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I just, I can't.

spk_0 What's your problem?

spk_0 Because those Asian women find me to be unclean, which I'm not.

spk_0 Oh, very clean, man.

spk_0 Excuse me?

spk_0 You're very, you're very clean, man.

spk_0 Yeah, but people think, but based on my online presence or whatever, that I'm a dirty fucker.

spk_0 Right?

spk_0 But the booker reading and stuff like that.

spk_0 The booker reading and stuff like that.

spk_0 Well, have you not?

spk_0 Of course.

spk_0 I've never done it.

spk_0 I mean, either.

spk_0 Never once.

spk_0 You've eaten your boogers.

spk_0 I think you're my boogers.

spk_0 Yeah, one of us.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Never done it.

spk_0 Never did it.

spk_0 Not interested.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 What about touching your butthole?

spk_0 If it comes out, it doesn't go back in.

spk_0 That's how I feel.

spk_0 What's the last time you touched your butthole?

spk_0 Bear finger.

spk_0 I had a stint.

spk_0 I had a run.

spk_0 I got over it.

spk_0 Not sexually dirty.

spk_0 Just touching it.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Not sexually?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Oh, I was talking about sexually.

spk_0 Just touching my butthole just for for as in passing?

spk_0 For whatever.

spk_0 Like a little boop, like boop, like boop, like boop.

spk_0 No, no, no.

spk_0 He loves it.

spk_0 Bobby, yeah.

spk_0 I'll do it now.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I'm not afraid of it.

spk_0 Sexually fine.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 If you're playing with a toy.

spk_0 But I mean, you know what I mean.

spk_0 If you're having fun.

spk_0 You've done that with toys on.

spk_0 I should see the size of the thing I put in my ass.

spk_0 Show him the thing I put in my ass.

spk_0 Yeah, he's lying.

spk_0 He's got it.

spk_0 Unbelievable.

spk_0 The thing the size of this fucking thing.

spk_0 I wouldn't have suspected that, my man.

spk_0 I like that.

spk_0 You don't know what you know.

spk_0 I'm gay.

spk_0 Are you?

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Shut up.

spk_0 How long have you known me?

spk_0 Yeah, that thing.

spk_0 I put that thing in my mouth.

spk_0 Man, can I borrow that thing?

spk_0 Man, you shit.

spk_0 No, you're married.

spk_0 I met your wife, haven't I?

spk_0 So you think you met my beard.

spk_0 Nice.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No, I'm seeing a couple of guys right now.

spk_0 But none of them.

spk_0 Nothing serious.

spk_0 Nothing's sticking.

spk_0 No, yeah.

spk_0 I've never touched my butthole unsexualy.

spk_0 Really?

spk_0 What are you doing with it?

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Just making sure it's there.

spk_0 Just crossing that line to touch my butthole.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I have a difficult time committing right now.

spk_0 To your butthole?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Really.

spk_0 It moves.

spk_0 You mean relationship?

spk_0 What vibrates?

spk_0 Huh?

spk_0 It goes like that.

spk_0 Your butthole?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't like it's that.

spk_0 It's sassy.

spk_0 No, in terms of a women.

spk_0 Yeah, you're playing the field.

spk_0 You're having fun.

spk_0 I'm not playing the field.

spk_0 I want to find.

spk_0 No, I want to find.

spk_0 I want to fall in love.

spk_0 No, stop that.

spk_0 You don't?

spk_0 You went through that.

spk_0 How'd that turn out?

spk_0 Get out of here.

spk_0 I know.

spk_0 But I'm ready again, I think.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 That's your mistake.

spk_0 You're ready.

spk_0 Get back up on the horse.

spk_0 Don't do it.

spk_0 I think I'm going to fall.

spk_0 Bobby, fall in love with yourself.

spk_0 Oh, oh, oh.

spk_0 Oh, okay.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No, fuck that.

spk_0 Let him fall in love with a woman.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 I don't know if I'll let him get married.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 How happy are you?

spk_0 You got a boy.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Very fucking amped.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Are you nervous?

spk_0 Uh, yeah.

spk_0 It's crazy.

spk_0 I'm still nervous.

spk_0 I don't know what to do.

spk_0 Did you do a gender reveal thing?

spk_0 You did one of these things?

spk_0 No.

spk_0 You got to what I cut.

spk_0 I did.

spk_0 What have I done?

spk_0 Did you?

spk_0 Have you done that?

spk_0 No, I don't have any kids.

spk_0 You don't?

spk_0 No, but if I did, I think I would do the gender reveal.

spk_0 But I do it real crazy.

spk_0 Like what?

spk_0 Blow it up.

spk_0 You do a golf ball.

spk_0 You do the golf ball.

spk_0 That's what you got to do.

spk_0 No, no, no.

spk_0 You know, like light a boat on fire.

spk_0 Color of the smoke.

spk_0 You look extravagant.

spk_0 You see the fucking around.

spk_0 The cakes were bringing that up.

spk_0 It can't go through the butthole for some reason.

spk_0 I don't know if you're gonna find it.

spk_0 It's not a loop.

spk_0 I know we thought it was a loop, but it's not a loop.

spk_0 No, we tried.

spk_0 We can't do it.

spk_0 You mean serious?

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

spk_0 Let's try.

spk_0 Adopt maybe.

spk_0 Would you want to do that?

spk_0 Yeah, but a white slob.

spk_0 You know, a little white slobic baby.

spk_0 They're giving them.

spk_0 Those are pretty adoptive.

spk_0 Not a little Asian kid.

spk_0 White slobs.

spk_0 Little Asian kid.

spk_0 I got a little Asian kid.

spk_0 Hey, buddy.

spk_0 I have one.

spk_0 I was going to adopt.

spk_0 Yeah, I mean, I think that's a whole nother thing.

spk_0 Like I have friends that were adopted and that's a whole nother set of things that come along with it.

spk_0 Sure.

spk_0 So I might, but I don't know.

spk_0 I'm just not sure.

spk_0 The good thing about adoptions, you got time.

spk_0 I don't know.

spk_0 Whatever.

spk_0 Yeah, I do.

spk_0 I'm not fighting the biological clock.

spk_0 There's always a kid wanting to be adopted.

spk_0 Maybe.

spk_0 Seriously, maybe.

spk_0 I'd like to adopt a kid that's like 17.

spk_0 Give him one good year.

spk_0 An athlete.

spk_0 Get an athlete.

spk_0 Yeah, dude.

spk_0 Get him up to Shamanad.

spk_0 If you adopted a kid and years later, they want to find their biological family.

spk_0 Yeah, that's what's tough with that.

spk_0 Depends if you adopt your feelings.

spk_0 No, if the adoption is open or closed, right?

spk_0 Some of them are.

spk_0 Even if it was closed or like, you know what, dad.

spk_0 You're a great dad.

spk_0 I'm even though you know, you're so angry sometimes.

spk_0 But anyway, you know, I'm going to look for my biological family.

spk_0 Is that okay?

spk_0 Yeah, that's good.

spk_0 Go back to China.

spk_0 Is that what you want?

spk_0 Hold on.

spk_0 You back to China.

spk_0 I'll send you right back.

spk_0 I'll put you in the box that you came in.

spk_0 And I'll send you right back.

spk_0 You'll be on the bottom of a Hyundai trailer.

spk_0 See the attitude you're doing right now.

spk_0 That's the reason why I want to find my biological parents.

spk_0 Because this is the way you talk to me.

spk_0 Wait, hang on a sec.

spk_0 You're the only kid I know that didn't get into Mississippi state.

spk_0 How about that?

spk_0 Back to China.

spk_0 Hang on.

spk_0 So the kid you would adopt would be.

spk_0 The kid that you would adopt would be a bad actor.

spk_0 Is that what's going on here?

spk_0 What was that accident?

spk_0 You're better than that.

spk_0 No, no.

spk_0 Cleveland, dude.

spk_0 That's it.

spk_0 Yeah, that is a outside of Cleveland.

spk_0 Let me do it again.

spk_0 I was a kid.

spk_0 To Australian.

spk_0 No, do Australian.

spk_0 Yeah, I got to know Australian kid.

spk_0 Or do British.

spk_0 Don't give me that.

spk_0 Make it easy.

spk_0 Cockney.

spk_0 That's not cockney.

spk_0 Brother, he's not good.

spk_0 I want dialects.

spk_0 Dottie.

spk_0 Yes, son.

spk_0 I want to find my biological family.

spk_0 Well, they're in China.

spk_0 I told you that.

spk_0 I thought I was British, Dottie.

spk_0 Well, you are.

spk_0 You're British Chinese kid.

spk_0 You do a kid then.

spk_0 Don't do it.

spk_0 Where your gay parents we adopted you.

spk_0 So fancy.

spk_0 We play it all the time.

spk_0 Yeah, there's a fantasy.

spk_0 You're 18 years old now.

spk_0 And you're telling us.

spk_0 Telling you what?

spk_0 That you want.

spk_0 I'm gay.

spk_0 And I want to hook up.

spk_0 Sure.

spk_0 That's the kind of point.

spk_0 That's a fucking way.

spk_0 Step parents point.

spk_0 Very nice.

spk_0 I did see on TikTok today up montage of kids coming out to their parents and their parents.

spk_0 Being supportive.

spk_0 It made me cry.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Was there anyone not supportive?

spk_0 Well, that's not that montage I saw.

spk_0 That's what I was on the camera.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 Not in my house.

spk_0 That's crazy when that happens when you hear that shit.

spk_0 Oh, do you know the port of?

spk_0 How could somebody not even that they like kick them out?

spk_0 I can't believe it.

spk_0 I had a bunch of fucking kid.

spk_0 I had a buddy here.

spk_0 First moved to LA.

spk_0 The guy that I met his parents sent him to pray away the gay camp.

spk_0 We thought it's crazy.

spk_0 Yeah, dude.

spk_0 But he made it more gay.

spk_0 Yeah, here's the place.

spk_0 I thought it was.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 It's awful.

spk_0 There was nothing there was never going to fix anything.

spk_0 So fuck.

spk_0 And his mom used to say wild shit.

spk_0 She'd come.

spk_0 We lived in the same complex.

spk_0 His mom would come and visit.

spk_0 And she'd be like, how come?

spk_0 How come he can't get a pretty girl like the girl you're dating?

spk_0 And I had to fucking keep up the lie.

spk_0 I was like, I think he loves being single.

spk_0 Oh, really?

spk_0 She didn't know.

spk_0 No, they fuck.

spk_0 They just had denial.

spk_0 Yeah, sure.

spk_0 Sheer denial.

spk_0 But don't parents know?

spk_0 You would think?

spk_0 You can usually smell a gay in your house.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Yeah, I'm just like, God.

spk_0 God.

spk_0 Sure.

spk_0 I'd say.

spk_0 You ever go over to your friends else in there?

spk_0 At least my son, Riley.

spk_0 He's like, hello.

spk_0 You're like, oh.

spk_0 No.

spk_0 I thought his parents already knew.

spk_0 Do you like dancing, Riley?

spk_0 Yeah, I think they know from a young age.

spk_0 Yeah, of course you know.

spk_0 I'd just be like, yeah, I know that already, kid.

spk_0 Yeah, that's your brother.

spk_0 It would have been.

spk_0 What if your son came to you and said, yeah, I think I'm gay.

spk_0 What do you say?

spk_0 I'd be okay with it.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Great.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Would you be disappointed at all?

spk_0 I'd start calling my daughter, but short now, kid.

spk_0 No, I mean, I think I don't know.

spk_0 I'm three months in.

spk_0 It'd be weird if he did it.

spk_0 You know, if he told me no.

spk_0 Oh, it's coming.

spk_0 But five months, that's what they do in five months.

spk_0 Your baby was like, God, that gay good.

spk_0 So stupid.

spk_0 I like that.

spk_0 Starts listening to Chapel Roan.

spk_0 Yeah, I don't know.

spk_0 I wouldn't be fine.

spk_0 You'd have to be fine.

spk_0 You don't know.

spk_0 Yeah, you'd have to be.

spk_0 I'm a progressive guy.

spk_0 Of course.

spk_0 My best friends gay.

spk_0 Right.

spk_0 Sure.

spk_0 On the weekends sometimes.

spk_0 You never tried.

spk_0 What?

spk_0 You never tried to flip the other side of the menu as Charlie Schruitt.

spk_0 Great line.

spk_0 We were told we were discussing that.

spk_0 Great line.

spk_0 That whole thing is fantastic.

spk_0 Doing your show.

spk_0 One of the most fun.

spk_0 I remember doing it and being like, oh, yeah, I want to go to that.

spk_0 It'd be fun.

spk_0 It'd be cool.

spk_0 And then I did it.

spk_0 I was like, that's one of them.

spk_0 A best, most inventive podcast on the internet.

spk_0 Your rhythm is perfect.

spk_0 You guys' relationship is fucking amazing.

spk_0 I've seen you guys.

spk_0 We love you guys.

spk_0 I love you guys.

spk_0 We love you guys grow.

spk_0 And I was also like, this is some people take off and you're like, when?

spk_0

spk_0 When it happens to someone you're like, yes, good.

spk_0 Yeah, that is the go.

spk_0 This should be the big thing.

spk_0 Go, go, go.

spk_0 We love you guys so much.

spk_0 Everybody in the comedy pod community.

spk_0 A little sphere has been so great to us.

spk_0 And nobody's jealous.

spk_0 Nobody's, you know, high tides raise all ships.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 And that was an away game.

spk_0 We watched in the studio when you in New York.

spk_0 And I come to New York.

spk_0 Yeah, we're going to.

spk_0 I did it.

spk_0 Both of you.

spk_0 You did it in the old studio.

spk_0 You were in the old studio.

spk_0 You got a nice big.

spk_0 I know, but I didn't I don't want to.

spk_0 I went to one studio.

spk_0 Yeah, I did.

spk_0 Take it easy.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Where do you love to have you back?

spk_0 Where's the new studio?

spk_0 Midtown.

spk_0 Second biggest comedy podcast.

spk_0 It's big deal with the city.

spk_0 It's bigger than seriously.

spk_0 Bigger than Chelsea's.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Well, Chelsea's for a game.

spk_0 Come for a game.

spk_0 Chelsea's is way nicer.

spk_0 And his staff is all.

spk_0 Cool.

spk_0 Shit.

spk_0 And all minorities.

spk_0 You guys have only whites.

spk_0 That's why I want to go to our.

spk_0 Oh, we got an Italian guy.

spk_0 We got a time.

spk_0 We don't eat when I'm but you know, you guys want to promote anything?

spk_0 Yeah, check out the pod.

spk_0 Are you garbage?

spk_0 Wherever you would do twice a week public and then Patreon as well.

spk_0 We have a very active Patreon.

spk_0 And we're on tour right now.

spk_0 Back on the block tour.

spk_0 All tickets available at are you garbage.com.

spk_0 It's stand up and we play AYG with the crowd.

spk_0 Oh, and we have a special.

spk_0 The root 66 special, which is a combination of all that.

spk_0 And we each have half hours on our page.

spk_0 I mean, go see the kids.

spk_0 Are you garbage.com is where you can get all that information.

spk_0 We'll put the link in the description down below.

spk_0 Thank you.

spk_0 We appreciate you guys.

spk_0 We love you guys.

spk_0 Thank you for being garbage friends.

spk_0 Love you.

spk_0 Thank you for being part of garbage.

spk_0 And say into that camera at the same time.

spk_0 Say thank you for being a bad friend.

spk_0 Thanks for being a bad friend.

spk_0 Good boys.

spk_0 Woo.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Woo.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0 Woo.

spk_0 Yeah.

spk_0

spk_0 Woo.

spk_0

spk_0 Yeah.

Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?

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