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12. Basement Bethany
In this thrilling episode of 'Basement Bethany,' local hero and amateur detective Bethany Harper uncovers shocking truths hidden beneath the facade of St. Michael's school. As she navig...
12. Basement Bethany
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Speaker A
The following is a work of audio fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Seriously, even if some of these people sound exactly like a person that you know, it's not them. Okay, Golden Acres is a completely fictional town and is not at all based on Green Acres, located in Scarsdale, New York, where our creator grew up. That is a total fluke. Please do not falsely assume that any of these characters, storylines, or descriptions is based in fact. That's how rumors get started.
Speaker B
Golden Radio I'm rockin Robin and I'm rockin out right now. Our girls are back. That's right. Caroline Scanlon and Michelle Grimm have returned home safely. A full celebration is in order, so join Mayor Alice this in the town square as she gives local hero and amateur detective Bethany Harper a golden key to our golden city. Thank you for bringing our girls back, Bethany. And to everyone else in Golden Acres, parking will be a nightmare. Can someone pick me up?
Speaker C
Oh, wow.
Speaker D
Bar, jam and milk latte on the house for Bethany.
Speaker C
Thank you. That is so nice.
Speaker D
Gratuity is not included.
Speaker C
Oh, okay. Here you go.
Speaker D
No change.
Speaker C
Great.
Speaker E
Thank you, Bethany Harper, everyone.
Speaker F
Our very good friend.
Speaker C
Hey. Enough. This is so embarrassing. Hold on, Mia. No.
Speaker E
Okay, I'm done.
Speaker F
I'm not. Bethany's a local hero. We've got to milk this for all it's worth. Do you see this platter of chocolate muffins on the house?
Speaker E
They're from the pile of day olds, but still free.
Speaker C
I'm glad you're finally supportive of my unhealthy obsession with Father Williams. Now that it benefits you to be.
Speaker F
Fair, you weren't completely right. Father Williams wasn't a serial killer.
Speaker C
He was.
Speaker F
He was a serial kidnapper.
Speaker C
I'm glad I was wrong. I didn't want the girls to be.
Speaker F
Dead, but you assume they were dead, so it's not like you can be the next Long island medium or anything.
Speaker C
I don't want to be the next.
Speaker E
This is so crazy. I don't even understand what happened.
Speaker F
Me neither. And it's been like three whole days.
Speaker E
We need to know everything I saw on the news.
Speaker F
Maybe we should listen to Bethany since she was actually there.
Speaker C
Good call.
Speaker E
Insider access.
Speaker C
I don't know. I don't really feel like talking about it. Oh, that's okay.
Speaker E
Yeah, it must have been traumatizing. Let's talk about something else.
Speaker C
I'm just messing with you. A little payback for not believing in my crazy theories.
Speaker E
Oh, thank God. Because I did not want to talk about Valerie's failing marriage. When you're sitting on a gossip gold.
Speaker F
Mine, I also find my own problems rather banal.
Speaker C
Okay, where should I start?
Speaker E
As far back as you can. I took the whole day off for this.
Speaker C
Who's watching Zoe?
Speaker E
Her mother.
Speaker F
Good for Karen. Now spill.
Speaker C
Okay, so you know how I've been tracking Father William's whereabouts for the last few weeks?
Speaker F
I did not know that. And if I had, I probably would have stopped you.
Speaker E
Well, thank God you didn't. Bethany's our own little Nancy Drew. But more naive.
Speaker C
How can I be naive when I was right the whole time?
Speaker E
I'm not sure. You're an enigma.
Speaker F
And to reiterate, he never killed anyone. So you were not completely right.
Speaker C
It was more fun talking to the police than the two of you.
Speaker F
Just trying to keep you humble. Keep going.
Speaker C
Well, I realized after a few days that Father Williams never left campus.
Speaker E
What do you mean never? Not even to shop or get candy? Candy? Well, simple pleasures. I assume. Priests have to get their rocks off somehow.
Speaker C
Not Father William. His whole life is the school. No friends, no hobbies. I would have felt bad for him if he wasn't an evil maniac.
Speaker F
What about at night? Didn't he go home?
Speaker C
His home is the school. Father Williams is the only staff member who lives on campus.
Speaker E
He does? Where?
Speaker C
The basement of the admissions building.
Speaker F
St. Michael's has a basement? I can't believe you never told us that. That is so creepy. I would have believed you if I knew he lived in the basement like some weird recl.
Speaker C
Please. I could have told you. He was walking around clutching a bloody axe and screaming, I'm the killer. And you guys would have still said I was jumping to conclusions.
Speaker E
Bethany's right. That does sound like us.
Speaker F
I'm so glad I pulled Caitlyn out of St. Michael's much safer for her to be with fellow drug dealers and delinquents at boarding school.
Speaker C
How is Caitlin? Did you tell her about your separation?
Speaker F
Yep. She was very supportive. I think she's happy she has something to talk about in therapy. Can you imagine having to talk about your feelings every day? It's not like she's lived a complicated life or been kidnapped by a psychopath like some of her former classmates.
Speaker E
So how did you find him, Bethany?
Speaker C
Well, it didn't seem likely that Father Williams would leave evidence of his crimes in the church or his office. Too public. Plus, I'd already looked and didn't find anything. That left one final option. I had to get into his apartment.
Speaker E
Oh, sorry. Too early.
Speaker C
And I had to do it. Without arousing suspicion. So I asked Father Williams if we could speak in private about an extremely personal matter. Somewhere no one could hear us.
Speaker F
Oh my God. You tried to seduce a priest.
Speaker E
Whoa, nice.
Speaker C
No, not nice. I didn't try to seduce a priest.
Speaker E
Oh, bummer.
Speaker C
But I did lie to one, which is almost as bad.
Speaker G
Ah, Bethany. Come in, come in.
Speaker C
I'm sorry to bother you after hours.
Speaker G
Nonsense, it's what I'm here for. Can I get you something to drink?
Speaker C
Oh, tea would be lovely, if you don't mind.
Speaker G
Coming right up. Take a seat.
Speaker C
I don't even like tea, but I thought it would give me a few minutes to search around. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. He had so many Bibles.
Speaker F
Is that when you found the girls inside the bibles?
Speaker C
No.
Speaker E
Did he catch you looking through his things?
Speaker C
No.
Speaker F
Story is kind of boring. Mia, how are Phil and Karen?
Speaker C
Good.
Speaker E
They asked Lauren Hiller to be their girlfriend.
Speaker F
Oh, wow, that's lovely.
Speaker C
But I thought Lauren was just dating Phil.
Speaker E
Not anymore. Now they're a full blown throuple.
Speaker F
Such nice people. I feel bad about using them to end my marriage.
Speaker E
I mean, they were complicit. Didn't they know you were cheating on Larry?
Speaker F
Actually, no. I told them Larry was okay with it because I was acting out.
Speaker E
Oh, that makes sense. They have so many rules about who they can and can't sleep with.
Speaker C
Should I just leave so you two can catch up?
Speaker E
Sorry, Keep going. So you ask for tea, which you don't even like.
Speaker G
Do you need any milk or sugar?
Speaker C
No, this is perfect. Mmm, it's lovely. Thank you.
Speaker G
So what's on your mind?
Speaker C
Oh, well, the thing is, I won the lottery.
Speaker F
Wait, hold on. That was your big lie?
Speaker E
How do we know she was lying? Bethany, can I have $500?
Speaker C
No.
Speaker E
She was lying. I know because the moment either of you come into a windfall, you'll want me to be a part of it.
Speaker C
I think winning the lottery was the perfect lie. And I stand by it.
Speaker F
What's your reasoning?
Speaker C
He needed some sort of moral dilemma that didn't have a clear answer and would keep his interest.
Speaker E
Every day I have a moral dilemma about whether or not I should kill Zoe to protect the world from her wrath. Mia, I'm serious. This kid is dangerous. People always say, if only we had killed Baby Hitler.
Speaker F
Ignore her. She's too self involved to commit murder. Now, how is winning the lottery a moral dilemma?
Speaker C
I just don't know if I should tell anyone, Father. I've read so many stories about how winning the lottery ruins people's lives. All your friends and family expect handouts. No one ever treats you the same way again. But if I don't tell anyone, does that make me a liar?
Speaker G
This is very interesting, Bethany. I'm glad you came to me with this.
Speaker C
Me too. I really look up to you.
Speaker G
I'm happy to hear that. I always found you a bit cold. I thought I had maybe offended you in some way.
Speaker C
Oh, no, no, I. I was just intimidated.
Speaker G
That's understandable. It's good you've overcome your wasted emotion and have turned to me for help. Now, about this predicament. Can I propose something a little unorthodox?
Speaker C
Are you allowed? We are Catholic, after all.
Speaker G
God works in mysterious ways, Bethany.
Speaker C
I know. I was just making a joke.
Speaker G
Have you considered not keeping the money and perhaps donating it to a worthy cause, like a Catholic educational institution? I'm sure I don't need to tell you this place is in dire need of a makeover.
Speaker F
That greedy pervert. He wanted you to give him all the money?
Speaker C
Not him personally. He wanted me to give it to the school.
Speaker F
Don't defend him. Do you know how many other legitimate causes could use that sort of donation? More than a private Catholic school in a nice suburb?
Speaker C
You know, there isn't actually any money.
Speaker F
It's the principal of the thing. He's supposed to be a man of God.
Speaker C
He kidnapped two students.
Speaker E
Maybe I should play the lottery more.
Speaker C
Okay. I really don't want that to be your takeaway from all this.
Speaker E
I'm just thinking out loud. You told me to find an interest in something.
Speaker F
How did you react when Father William suggested giving him the money? I would have laughed in his face.
Speaker C
I was happy because I wanted him to want the money. That was all part of the plan. It gave me leverage.
Speaker E
Totally. How?
Speaker C
You can't kick someone out of your apartment when they might give you millions of dollars.
Speaker F
You told him you won millions of dollars?
Speaker C
I'm not a great liar, but were.
Speaker E
You good enough to fool a priest?
Speaker G
We could completely redo my office. And maybe reinstate the arts program if there's enough left over.
Speaker C
I'm so sorry, but do you have any Tylenol? I. I think all this stress is giving me a headache.
Speaker G
Afraid not. I don't believe in those sorts of things.
Speaker C
Headaches or medicine.
Speaker G
Medicine. Well, not all medicine. Obviously. We aren't Christian Scientists, but I'm not a big believer in the over the counter, easy fixes. I find prayer to be far more useful.
Speaker C
Oh, well, I'm a huge believer in the power of ibuprofen. I'm sorry, I just can't think straight. My head is pounding.
Speaker G
Would you like me to get you some pain reliever from the infirmary?
Speaker C
Sure. I mean, if you don't mind.
Speaker G
Not a problem. I'll be back soon.
Speaker C
Take your time. No rush.
Speaker G
Other than your pounding headache, right?
Speaker C
Other than that.
Speaker F
Bethany, I love you, but you're not great at espionage.
Speaker C
Oh really? Because I already knew he didn't believe in painkillers. So I knew if I faked a headache, he would have to go to the infirmary and leave me alone in his apartment.
Speaker E
Holy shit. You're great at espionage.
Speaker F
It was clever, but I still wish you'd involve me. I think very quick on my feet.
Speaker E
She didn't need your feet. She did it all on her own.
Speaker F
Sure, this time.
Speaker E
But what about the next time a priest kidnaps two girls?
Speaker C
Once he left for the infirmary, I knew I'd only have the apartment to myself for a few minutes. Needed to act quickly and somehow tear the place apart without him noticing. I opened cabinets, I rummaged through drawers, I even looked behind the shower curtains.
Speaker E
Smart.
Speaker C
But nothing seemed out of order. Until I dropped my phone. I bent down and that's when I saw it.
Speaker F
What?
Speaker C
There was a trapdoor on the floor of his closet. Right in plain sight. He didn't even bother to put a rug over it.
Speaker F
Oh, men are horrible at interior design.
Speaker E
Did you open it?
Speaker C
Yes.
Speaker E
What did you find?
Speaker F
I'm assuming she found the girls.
Speaker E
Don't ruin it, Valerie. Bethany, what did you find?
Speaker C
I found the girls. Wow, what a twist. Caroline, give me your hand. It's okay. You're safe now. What are you wearing?
Speaker G
Bethany, I got you two tablets, but I suggest only taking one.
Speaker C
Here, go in the office, through there. Use my phone to call the police. Oh, right, right, right. Let me get these gags off first. Sorry. I've never saved the hostage before.
Speaker E
This is so scary. Are you okay?
Speaker F
You can see she's okay.
Speaker C
She's sitting right in me front of.
Speaker E
I know, but she could have emotional scarring.
Speaker C
I'm fine. I'm just glad I'm not still in that basement.
Speaker G
Aha. There you are, Bethany. Gave yourself a quick tour, I see.
Speaker C
Oh, I was trying to find the bathroom.
Speaker G
I'm not a well traveled man, but I've rarely found a toilet in a walk in closet.
Speaker C
Really? What about water closets? Those always have.
Speaker G
Are you all right?
Speaker C
Yeah, I bump into things all the time.
Speaker G
I can imagine it must be part of the Job?
Speaker C
What job?
Speaker G
Snooping where you don't belong. The next time you open someone's secret cellar without permission, Bethany, at least have the decency to close it all the way. We mustn't forget our manners, even in times of peril.
Speaker C
The police are on their way, Father. It's over.
Speaker G
No, I'm afraid it's not. Try to understand. Things are in motion. The Lord has sent me to fulfill his wishes, and I can't stop until his work is complete.
Speaker C
You're not thinking straight. Why would God want you to trap students in your basement and put them in Peppa Pig costumes? That doesn't make any sense. How do you even know about Peppa Pig? You don't have children.
Speaker G
They're wearing pig costumes because they're swine.
Speaker C
Oh, wow. You have no idea. They're dressed as a specific pig from a British cartoon.
Speaker G
Those young women are tainted. They're undisciplined. They won't get off their stupid phones.
Speaker C
They're teenagers, Father. It's what they do. It's nothing personal.
Speaker G
Did you ever disobey your elders as an adolescent?
Speaker C
Me? No. But it was a different time. It was the early 2000s, pre 9 11.
Speaker G
You're a pure soul, Bethany.
Speaker C
You're hurting my arm.
Speaker G
You might not see it yet, but I have big plans for this town, and I want you to help me.
Speaker C
Wait. You want me to help you with whatever it is that you're doing?
Speaker G
Yes.
Speaker D
Yes.
Speaker G
I think we would make a great team.
Speaker C
Oh, that's very nice, but I. I don't think this sort of lifestyle is for me. For starters, I'm very bad at keeping secrets.
Speaker G
Tsk, tsk, tsk. That was the wrong answer.
Speaker C
So what are you gonna do? Smite me? This is the police.
Speaker G
Open this door. Door is open, fellas. I'll see you soon, Bethany. Very soon.
Speaker C
And then the police came in and took him away. Can I have one of these muffins? I'm starving.
Speaker F
Wait, he just went with them without a fight?
Speaker C
Yeah, but there was something eerie about it. Like he knows something we don't.
Speaker E
Are you afraid of the smiting?
Speaker C
Not really. He was too sweaty for someone who actually had the power of God within him.
Speaker E
You were so right about everything the whole time, Bethany. No one else had a clue.
Speaker F
I should have known something was amiss when he started that neighborhood watch group. It's always the guy you least suspect.
Speaker C
Are you kidding me? I.
Speaker E
Don't worry, Bethany. I won't let her rewrite the whole thing. You were right. And Valerie was Wrong?
Speaker F
I don't think I was wrong.
Speaker C
I'm just glad it's over. The girls are back and Father Williams is gone for now. Steve's been wonderful about all this. He's really worried about me getting ptsd, so he asked Mama Harper to move into a home for a few months. You know, so I can recover in peace.
Speaker F
Hey, that's great news. Almost makes the whole thing worth it. I said almost. Retract your death stares.
Speaker E
I still can't believe a priest kidnapped two girls, lock them in his secret cellar, dressed them up as pigs, and then our Bethany found them. Nothing is ever going to top that.
Speaker C
I hope not. I just want everything to go back to normal.
Speaker F
What the hell was that?
Speaker C
Oh, my gosh. There's a woman face down in the middle of the street. I think she got hit.
Speaker F
Her stuff's all over the road.
Speaker C
Is she okay?
Speaker F
I don't know. She's not moving. The car just hit her and drove off.
Speaker E
Like a hit and run?
Speaker F
Exactly like a hit and run.
Speaker C
Should we call the police and ambulance?
Speaker F
Somebody outside will probably call. It's really not our business.
Speaker B
Our little town's good luck did not last long. I just got word via a text from my cousin that local reality star Gwen Bryant was plowed down a few minutes ago during a hit and run. Her condition remains unknown to my cousin and therefore to me. Our thoughts are with you, Gwen, and your gorgeous fiance. As mother always said, if you look both ways before you cross the street, they'll just kill you from behind.
Speaker C
Hot damn. That was a fun one. I'm Allison Raskin and stay tuned after the break for Hot Goss with Igor Hiller. Welcome to Hot Goss featuring Igor Hiller, my best friend.
Speaker D
That's me. Hello.
Speaker C
Thank you so much for coming on the show.
Speaker D
Yeah, I had nothing else going on.
Speaker C
And for being the barista.
Speaker D
Oh, that is an honor. That was also fun to improvise a little bit here and there and we.
Speaker C
Yeah, you gotta be free.
Speaker D
Yeah, that was fun to do.
Speaker C
I didn't let almost anyone improvise other than you.
Speaker D
Do you trust me?
Speaker C
Yes. So, as you probably know, Hot Goss hit sensation after show, where you're going to share any rumors or gossip that you grew up hearing. So what did you bring to the table today?
Speaker D
Well, first of all, I brought a printed out sheet of paper with multiple rumors. With multiple rumors. Yeah. Because I respect you.
Speaker C
Thank you. I don't think anyone else has prepared at all for this after show.
Speaker D
I did. I mean, it is like total 25 words, but I did.
Speaker C
That's fine. That's all you need.
Speaker D
Okay. Also, I was kind of nervous because.
Speaker C
Why?
Speaker D
I don't know what qualifies as hot goss or, like, lukewarm goss or just.
Speaker C
I'll tell you if it's lukewarm.
Speaker D
Okay.
Speaker C
And we'll cut it.
Speaker D
Some of them are just mean things kids said.
Speaker C
Like about other kids or to you?
Speaker D
I'll start both. Okay. So I guess that gets me going with, I want to talk about a hot goss that was about me.
Speaker C
Oh, great.
Speaker D
This toppled me from the popular group in sixth grade. So this got me kicked out of the popular group.
Speaker C
Oh, no. And it wasn't true what they said?
Speaker D
No. Someone started this rumor.
Speaker C
Tell me.
Speaker D
I was the least popular in the popular group.
Speaker C
Makes sense.
Speaker D
And someone started a rumor that I said that had raisin nipples.
Speaker C
A lot. Okay, a lot to process here. First off, in a hot gossip, we tend not to use people's actual names. But I think that's fine. That's probably fine.
Speaker D
Oh, God, I've already messed up.
Speaker C
Okay, so raisin nipples means what to you?
Speaker D
Yeah, good question. And that's. That was my first line of defense, was. I don't even know what that means. How could I have possibly said it? No one cared. I think what it means is these are nipples that you wouldn't want to look at.
Speaker C
So it's like a negative. It's negative nipples.
Speaker D
Yeah.
Speaker C
Body shaming.
Speaker D
Early. Early body shaming. Yeah.
Speaker C
And so what did they. Who. You don't know who started the rumor?
Speaker D
I think it was another person in the group who started it. And I think I was starting to climb the ranks. I think I was moving up to second, which was popular.
Speaker C
Oh, you were moving too fast.
Speaker D
I was. I was. And I was, like, inquiring about, like, are you guys. I can't wait for this birthday party. Like, kind of assuming I would be invited.
Speaker C
How big was the popular group?
Speaker D
It was seven.
Speaker C
Oh, okay. That's a good size.
Speaker D
Yeah.
Speaker C
Okay, so just like. And it was a co ed group.
Speaker D
It was co ed, yeah.
Speaker C
And the girl in question was one of them.
Speaker D
She was one.
Speaker C
Was she high up?
Speaker D
She was the most. She was top.
Speaker C
Oh, interesting.
Speaker D
She was the most. So it was a total setup because there was no way that I could win.
Speaker C
Did they think that you had seen her in Nipples or did she say, he's never even seen them. Why would he say that?
Speaker D
Oh, my God. I wish I could go back in time. I didn't even think to say that.
Speaker C
Yeah. Just be like, I've never seen her boobs. You didn't even say that.
Speaker D
No, because I thought it was assumed. No one was looking at boobs in those days. Who is seeing boobs? I have more. There's another one that really affected me that I really want to talk about.
Speaker C
Oh, my God. Tell me.
Speaker D
I really want to.
Speaker C
You got to tell me.
Speaker D
This was now. Later. I'm in high school, and I was teaching gymnastics, which we can't. There's just not enough time.
Speaker C
No, believe me, there's never enough time to talk about gymnastics. So.
Speaker D
One of the other teachers, who was this beautiful girl, she was a couple years older than me. I was probably, like, 15. She was, like, a cheerleader and gymnastics teacher, and she brought in not an adult. She was, like, probably 17 is, like, my guess.
Speaker C
So not really a teacher, More like a counselor. I'm sorry. I was trying to paint the correct picture.
Speaker D
No, you're right. We thought of ourselves as teachers, but we were.
Speaker C
In fact, you were similar power.
Speaker D
No, she was, like, a little advanced, like, higher up.
Speaker C
She was better at gymnastics, for sure.
Speaker E
For sure.
Speaker D
And also just, like, cooler.
Speaker C
What should we call her?
Speaker D
Her name is so incredible, but I shouldn't slander her. No. So what we're gonna call her is Patrice.
Speaker C
Patrice. Great.
Speaker D
Okay. So Patrice. So she brought in these brownies for the staff as, like, a thank you. Like, just, like, I made brownies. That's all it was. And that day I came in, and I was so hungry, I didn't have breakfast. And, like, I didn't even pack a lunch. I was, like, so hungry. And so I saw these brownies, and it said, four staff. Have as many as you like. And I, like, went overboard, and I had maybe three quarters of these brownies.
Speaker C
Oh, no.
Speaker D
And it turns out, or at least this is what was unproven, because she denied it, but someone overheard her telling someone else that she had made those brownies with a ton of laxatives. Like, a ton. A ton. And it was so bad that I was, like, bedridden at home for three days.
Speaker C
What?
Speaker D
Like, completely bonkers. Three days.
Speaker C
And so you think she definitely put the laxatives in?
Speaker D
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Speaker C
So how is this gossip?
Speaker D
It's gossip because she denied it, first of all.
Speaker C
Oh, she denied it.
Speaker D
She totally denied it. And then we were thinking about suing her.
Speaker C
You were gonna sue her?
Speaker D
Yeah, we were gonna sue her because I could have died is what I was saying.
Speaker C
Yeah.
Speaker D
For the listener, I'm not the most large of men now, as, like, a 15 year old. I was like 65 pounds, essentially.
Speaker C
Well, don't exaggerate on this show. Do you have one more you wanna share? Do you have one that's like that? We're not sure if it's true, but it's just something you'd heard about.
Speaker D
Yeah, like, this is a good one. That I feel could even have been a plot line on your show or something. Like someone could have talked about it.
Speaker C
Lay it on me. I'll steal it.
Speaker D
We had a French teacher in high school who I'll call Madame Jose.
Speaker C
Perfect.
Speaker D
And we had heard. It was like, it seemed to be clear to everyone, even though no one had any proof that her son was selling weed in middle school. In middle school.
Speaker C
And he was a student at the school.
Speaker D
Well, we were in high school, but he was a student at, like, the middle school that feeds into the high school, you know? But the thing is, is that she was this, like, super prim and proper, like, buttoned up lady. She would get a call on her cell phone, which was so rare in those days.
Speaker C
Yes.
Speaker D
Like once a month, in the middle of the lesson.
Speaker C
Cause he was arrested because he had.
Speaker D
Been again called to the principal's office. But we had no idea. I don't know how we knew for sure that this was going on.
Speaker C
We didn't. You just thought it was.
Speaker D
It was like someone had told someone, but it was like a really big deal. And the fact that he was in middle school was like. But then she would walk aside, it would be in the middle of the lesson, she'd be like, ugh.
Speaker C
Ugh.
Speaker D
Oh, maman.
Speaker G
Oh, maman, hello.
Speaker C
And everyone was like, oh, yeah, definitely the drug dealing son.
Speaker D
It's like, Darren again, like, he can't be stopped.
Speaker C
That's crazy. Okay, so now we're gonna wrap it up with the way we wrap each episode up. Let's go through the rumors with me. Rumor one, that girl who you named specifically had raisin nipples. True or false?
Speaker D
I. Even if I do think she did, I would never say. So false.
Speaker C
Right. So false.
Speaker D
False.
Speaker C
Cause you were the supposedly the one who said it, so you're the only one who could really deny if you said it or not.
Speaker D
Yeah, yeah. False.
Speaker C
Definitely false.
Speaker D
False for sure. False.
Speaker C
And then what was the name?
Speaker D
Patrice is what we called her.
Speaker C
Did Patrisse put laxatives in your brown face? Yeah.
Speaker D
Oh, so true.
Speaker C
So true. And then what percentage of you thinks that that French teacher's kid was actually a middle school drug dealer? Looking back, looking back, do you still.
Speaker D
Believe that I think it's probably like at 64% that he was. Yeah.
Speaker C
Really?
Speaker D
Because why? I don't know where we would get that from. Someone must have had a little sibling that was feeding us that info.
Speaker C
Oh yeah. Cause all rumors start in truth.
Speaker D
But I think probably him selling weed as a 12 year old. I don't know what that possibly could have been. Maybe he had something from somewhere and shared it once. I don't know.
Speaker C
And you're still gonna go with 64%? Sure.
Speaker D
Okay, you've convinced me. It is 37.
Speaker C
Perfect. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Speaker D
Igor Hiller, what an honor and a pleasure. See you next time on Gossip.
Speaker C
Well, this was your one hot gossip.
Speaker D
Okay, I'll be back next episode.
Speaker C
We're not sure. We haven't figured out the placement. Exactly.
Speaker D
See you in season two.
Speaker C
I hope so. Stitcher presents Gossip. Written and directed by Alison Raskin. Produced by Rachel Wolter. Sound design by Casey Holford. Starring Amanda Perez as Mia, Allison Raskin as Bethany Victoria Rowell as Valerie. Beth Littleford as Rockin Robin. Featuring Marlon Young as Father Williams and Igor Hiller as the barista. Story by Alison Raskin, Sharla Lauriston and Rebecca Hanover. Casting by Shana Markowitz. Our production manager is Talia Shay Levin. Our recording engineer is Matt Brownlee. Production assistants from Carly Guida. Our assistant editor is Lauren Kleeman. Original composition by Alessandro Tabora. Production legal by Lindsey Bowen, Kyle Brett and Michaela Gross. Executive produced by Chris Bannon, Jenny Radelet and Matt Sedagian. Stitcher's consulting producer is John Assanti. Special thanks to Westlake Studios, Matt Gourley and Sag Aftra. Gossip is a production of Stitcher. For more information, visit gossippodcast.com Golden Radio Stitcher.
Speaker H
You can think of household name episodes as lifelines when you're stuck in a boring conversation. Need to change the subject? Tell them the secrets behind Victoria's Secret? Or how a single lie turned KFC into a Japanese Christmas tradition?
Speaker D
It was lie. Not that I still regret that.
Speaker H
Did you know Panera opened cafes where customers could pay whatever they wanted? That before it was a hippie car? The VW Beetle was created by Nazis.
Speaker C
Hitler built a city for the Beetle like the hippie Beetle.
Speaker H
You can talk about how Lacroix, Crocs, Carhartt and Canada Goose all became surprisingly cool. And wow, you're friends with stories of TGI Friday's wild early days as one of the first singles bars.
Speaker G
I'd be standing at the bar on Fridays and say, hi, darlin'. I own this place. It seemed to work.
Speaker H
I'm Dan Bobkoff, and I host Household Name from Business Insider and Stitcher. We make this show so you have something to talk about. Subscribe to Household Name for surprising stories about famous brands. Find it on Apple podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you listen. Household Name brands you know stories you don't.