Navigating Your 20s: Careers, Timelines, Marriage & More | Islamic Feelings

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.

spk_0 Welcome back to another episode on the Islamic Feelings podcast.

spk_0 So today's episode is going to be one which is based off of your holster quests.

spk_0 So I did an Instagram Q&A while back and one of the topics that someone left was like

spk_0 navigating life in your 20s and I shared some advice on that and when I posted like my

spk_0 next Q&A box everyone was asking for a specific episode based on this or like further

spk_0 discussion on this topic so I decided why not just making an episode on it.

spk_0 Now what has it to do with episode on this?

spk_0 Because guys I'm only 21.

spk_0 I have not been in the 20s long enough to say much but what I will share with you is a

spk_0 few things that I have learned throughout my life especially coming to this point that

spk_0 I feel like really solidified more or I learned even more in my 20s because I feel like

spk_0 these two years are all they've been a world when I feel like y'all know though because

spk_0 like I just stop uploading as frequently which says it all like come on.

spk_0 But I am definitely not like a professional in this domain.

spk_0 I mean come on like I'll own up to it.

spk_0 I'm definitely not but what I will share with you is things that I just feel like

spk_0 really I thought and thought more about in my 20s in the last two years and then in general

spk_0 I feel like I've thought about some of these things a lot in my life but I really feel like

spk_0 I've noticed them come up more and more in my 20s and even the conversations that you hear

spk_0 from people in your community and things like that like the second you turn 20, 21, 22 it's crazy.

spk_0 So I'm just going to share with you some personal things that I think have helped me and just

spk_0 some personal pieces of advice I guess that I've learned from my own life and I've also seen

spk_0 other people go through so again and no means am I an expert in this topic this is more of just

spk_0 you know a little conversation some yaps nothing too serious.

spk_0 So for starters I think I'll say that your 20s are hard and they're confusing and I'm

spk_0 honestly really scared for what's to come next like I'll be honest with you all like I'm

spk_0 not gonna act like I got it all together I definitely don't and I feel like there's a lot

spk_0 that comes at you and I don't even know what's written it's it's like a storm it's like a

spk_0 strange mix of figuring things out while you're pretending you already have because other people

spk_0 have figured it out and it can feel like really really it can just feel heavy you're watching people

spk_0 around you accomplish things whether that's like getting a degree getting married having careers

spk_0 having homes having children things like that while you're still trying to make sense of like

spk_0 your next step so I feel like with all that in mind I compiled the list of things that I just

spk_0 told myself on a daily that I've learned from others in regards to 20s advice that I've gotten

spk_0 from a lot of like scholars and things like that that I feel like help and so I'll share number one

spk_0 with you which is be ready to rewrite your perceptions this is one that was really hard for me

spk_0 I think in the last two years I feel like in your 20s you'll start to see your family in your

spk_0 childhood the way that you're raised and even yourself would a really different lens I guess you

spk_0 could say different yes as the word a really different lens and you do start to see clearly but

spk_0 it's also really difficult because I feel like growing up when you go through things and your entire

spk_0 life maybe you've never focused on it or maybe you did and maybe you knew into something traumatic maybe

spk_0 you repress you don't really remember what happened I feel like for some reason I don't know what it is

spk_0 I feel like in my 20s everything just bam like like flooded me back and I feel like I started to

spk_0 remember so many things that I had healed from things that I hadn't thought about for years

spk_0 things that maybe I had forgotten and felt okay about but then they came back to me like one random

spk_0 night and I started impacting my life like I feel like you start to view things more and then I

spk_0 also feel like you start to look at your parents and your family and your siblings and your family

spk_0 dynamics and even your own childhood differently right because like growing up maybe you didn't

spk_0 think about it much because it's you're always focused on one goal to the next right but then I feel

spk_0 like when you start to do more self-reflection you start to understand more about the people that you

spk_0 were around and this arm I'm gonna be honest like very very upfront this is not always good like it

spk_0 doesn't always end good sometimes you start to realize that you were a little too forgiving to people

spk_0 that probably didn't deserve your forgiveness sometimes you realize that you were maybe a little too

spk_0 you know you were a little too lenient in places even with your self-right should have been right

spk_0 you allowed yourself to slip of in places commit sins and do things that probably weren't the best

spk_0 but the point is you know hum to lula in the end you're recognizing it you're learning and that's

spk_0 really all that matters I also think here it's like part of growing up is like realizing that life

spk_0 is complex and that people are layered and your childhood beliefs may need to be rewritten that it's

spk_0 not it's not a betrayal it's not a betrayal to yourself it's not a betrayal to your childhood it is

spk_0 just growth right I feel like growing up one of the things that I always struggled with was this whole

spk_0 idea of I guess you could say splitting some people call it splitting and splitting is basically like

spk_0 it's I feel like it's more like a mental mechanism type thing it's kind of like a coping skill for

spk_0 some coping mechanism for some people where you view people or situations like in absolutes like

spk_0 all good or bad terrible not terrible things like that at least that's how I've always understood it

spk_0 and I feel like that was something growing up I kind of struggled with because I've always tried

spk_0 my best I feel like splitting is very popular and I feel like people make you believe that you have

spk_0 to look at everyone is all good or all bad this is perfect this is not and I feel like I always

spk_0 had a hard time with that because I try to categorize things as all good or all bad so I could

spk_0 figure out how to feel about them but then I would always feel like well no one can be all bad

spk_0 and no one can be all good so then I end up in a great area and when I turned really in my 20s

spk_0 I thought about a lot of the things in my life where I force myself to have black and white

spk_0 thinking and I realized that I disagreed with it and that it's not a big deal to be in the great

spk_0 area and it's not a big deal to reject the idea of splitting I feel like it's it's important to

spk_0 reject it in my opinion this whole idea that everything has to be there good or everything has

spk_0 to be bad I can't be happy because this is falling apart in my life so I have to be completely sad

spk_0 or there's one thing going wrong and I have nothing to be happy about you know I'm saying like

spk_0 these absolutes I feel like don't actually take you far in life because life is not absolute

spk_0 you can be winning and being super successful in one area of your life while having the most

spk_0 traumatic things happen to you and another that doesn't mean you label your entire life as terrible

spk_0 right and the same thing with people and I feel like splitting is especially hard with people

spk_0 because you will even I know some people like when they hit their 20s like they start to look at

spk_0 their parents and growing up like maybe you know you had one parent that you didn't really get

spk_0 along with or you had one parent that you didn't really see I would or maybe one parent that was

spk_0 even physically absent that was gone forever and so in your mind as a child like you know to protect

spk_0 yourself like you kind of had that belief that okay my parent is completely bad my mom is completely

spk_0 bad or my dad is completely bad and you know this person is completely good whatever whatever it

spk_0 might be for your case but you kind of adapted that idea and then it wasn't really until you got

spk_0 older that you learned more about like the decisions your parents had to make or why they did

spk_0 some things or what they went through as a child that kind of makes you realize that okay maybe

spk_0 my parent is not old bad maybe they want through a lot of things that unfortunately life did not

spk_0 give them a chance to heal from does that excuse the fact that maybe they were not the best parent

spk_0 in my life not necessarily I mean still like it's a responsibility but does that mean I does

spk_0 that mean I punished them forever because maybe they did not have the resources to thrive and

spk_0 learn to heal maybe their life was all about survival after they had me I don't know it's

spk_0 complicated right and these are the type of things that no cab bro like you got to go to therapy

spk_0 I won't hold you I won't hold you I'm not a liar like these are some of the things that you

spk_0 used to there and you got to like if you really fall to the realm of this and I would say to be

spk_0 careful about this because when you start to question splitting when you start to question that

spk_0 mechanism in your brain of all better or all good you'll start to realize that a lot of the people

spk_0 in your past that maybe you cut off a you said were quote quote toxic maybe they weren't that bad

spk_0 maybe they weren't that toxic maybe it's just easy to label them as toxic and bad because they

spk_0 had some negative attributes that were more significant than the good ones true but that

spk_0 doesn't mean they were completely bad right that's also the thing when it comes in regards to like

spk_0 even seeking marriage that's one thing that I'll say you know you everyone has bad and good

spk_0 everyone does and there's no one in this world that doesn't have bad and good right all beauty

spk_0 has its thorns it is one of those y'all heard that cliche saying everyone has its bad bad and good

spk_0 and then people think that they're gonna marry someone who's completely perfect and then when

spk_0 like the bad comes out they're like oh my goodness you were hiding your true colors you were lying

spk_0 to me no like someone feeling upset or someone having negative attributes doesn't necessarily mean

spk_0 that that's their true colors why do we always label someone's negativity someone's negative

spk_0 attributes and someone's you know difficult emotions as real colors why is that now of course

spk_0 there are extreme cases where someone's you know abusive and narcissistic etc that's not what I'm

spk_0 talking about I'm just saying in general if you fall into the realm of questioning splitting

spk_0 I would say to be careful I think it's necessary because it's a childish mindset to always

spk_0 label things as good or bad but I will say maybe we might end up in therapy and that's okay

spk_0 like don't find it because I think it takes a lot of work to unwire basically the way of what

spk_0 was thought about someone especially if they're in your life right now and I think it has a

spk_0 Muslim in general I think it's important to question it I think it is I don't think that we should fall

spk_0 fall into you know pop psychology that tells us that if someone does something wrong to you cut

spk_0 them off completely in their toxic and the worst person on the face the planet I don't think we

spk_0 should fall into that type of mindset because that's not how Islamically we should approach the people

spk_0 we love that's not how we should Islamically approach situations right everyone has things everyone

spk_0 has difficulties but you especially when you start to feel that started that those thoughts I

spk_0 guess you could start to come to in your 20s don't fight it I feel like at one point another you

spk_0 start to question it and face it I mean sometimes we meet people in their 40s and they'll have kids

spk_0 in a happy home and a family and everything and then you see they're going through a midlife crisis

spk_0 and they're like oh you know I'm just struggling a lot you lost them why and it's something that

spk_0 their parents did to them when they were 20 or they're like when I was 15 this happened to me when

spk_0 I was 28 freshly got married with kids like my parents said this my parents are horrible people

spk_0 and you're like you're 40 now what are you why is that on your mind now and it's like this realization

spk_0 of all good or all-batter absolutes starts to come to everyone at one point another in their life

spk_0 it hasn't come to you yet lucky you you probably got a couple years it's gonna start coming to you

spk_0 it comes to everybody and I feel like I started to have a lot of that when I was like 19 so I feel like

spk_0 now I'm I've gotten more comfortable with the idea with learning to be okay with uncertainty

spk_0 and learning to be okay with the fact that the same way someone might look at me and maybe for

spk_0 some people I am all-batter all good I don't know but I'll be truthful that as a human there's no

spk_0 one that is all-batter all-good right we don't we don't hold those hip abilities but we do have to

spk_0 try our best to be the best us and let the positives out with the negatives but we also have to be

spk_0 forgiving human beings and realize the same way that you might view someone as all-batter all-good

spk_0 they probably came from a home where they had to judge their parents as so and they have that

spk_0 trauma and sets whole list of things you realize generational trauma you know how you always hear

spk_0 about generational trauma and you're like mmm you know how important is it you really start to realize

spk_0 it more when you see the way that you were raised and in the norms that you had to follow because

spk_0 you know it's just what was passed out and not all generational things are bad right some people

spk_0 act like all generational things are bad it's not there's just some things that are really really

spk_0 not good and we don't like go of it and it impacts people negatively and I feel like that's where it

spk_0 starts to lead to the whole splitting an all-good old bad or my parents raised me like this and they're

spk_0 horrible they shouldn't have done that but your parents were raising you based on what they thought

spk_0 was right from their time so was it were they really horrible or were they just trying to look out

spk_0 for you maybe they didn't you know have the knowledge or the understanding at the time that they were

spk_0 raising you it's complicated now I will also say on this point you need to learn how to feel for

spk_0 people empathetically without learning it drown you right one of the problems I feel like I really

spk_0 fell into was putting myself and other people's shoes to a point where I could never put myself in

spk_0 my own shoes and make my own decisions because I started to weigh everything so significantly that I

spk_0 was like but you know how would this look in the eyes of this person all the things that they've

spk_0 been through they went through this and they went through that if I made this decision it might hurt

spk_0 them or if I do this it might hurt them I started to put myself and other people's shoes so much

spk_0 empathetically there I started to feel burnout of course there I started to feel bad there I started to

spk_0 feel really really it just felt suffocating and I don't think that's a way to live either you can't

spk_0 be so selfless that you're harming yourself that's not gonna work and that's not gonna take you

spk_0 for in life but anyway hopefully something I said a number one made sense I don't know maybe it will

spk_0 maybe it won't but in short I'm not gonna number two with this one's kind of basic but I feel like

spk_0 it's important to throw in here stop comparing your journey to other people everyone's time

spk_0 it looks different like one friend might be having a baby one friend might be getting married another

spk_0 one is traveling another one starting a business someone going back to school your story is yours

spk_0 alone to tell and it's yours alone to live right comparison drains gratitude you need to remember

spk_0 that through all things reflect on how far you have come I will tie number two and number three

spk_0 together because number three is be careful on whose advice you take advice will pour in from

spk_0 every direction from family from friends from social media whatever but not all advice fits

spk_0 your path you need to learn to filter advice through your own values and most importantly

spk_0 Islamic principles your values should align with Islam right you don't want to just take every

spk_0 suggestion especially when it clashes with your faith because that is when you're going to start

spk_0 to make decisions that are probably not going to be good for you right one of the things I always

spk_0 tell my friends is in your 20s everyone's an advisor some are good some are bad and it's okay to

spk_0 listen but you don't owe anyone a blueprint of your life and you don't have to take advice from

spk_0 every single person you can listen to them you take what's good you leave what's bad but you don't

spk_0 have to sit there and follow it verbatim word by word okay the other thing I'll say is when I tie

spk_0 in two and three is be private about your plans seriously I know it's cliche but you got to do it

spk_0 I know that some people don't like that but I feel like being in my 20s being private about my

spk_0 plans was like the best thing don't announce every move don't announce every intention don't

spk_0 announce every shift unless it involves someone who needs to know this isn't because like you're

spk_0 hiding anything but I just feel like it helps you protect what you're growing too many opinions

spk_0 can drown your own voice and too many eyes on a seed that hasn't sprouted yet can kill it before

spk_0 even has a chance I want to talk to you for a second about this whole idea of too many opinions

spk_0 can drown your own voice because this is one that I will tell you I struggled with a lot in my

spk_0 life I feel like when I was in my late teens I always consulted everyone on what I what they

spk_0 would suggest is best for me and I feel like when I would hear and these were good people hear me

spk_0 out these were good people I'm talking family I'm talking trustable friends I'm talking about

spk_0 trustable scholars talking about trustable people that you would seek much for a firm that I would

spk_0 trust right the problem is though sometimes people when they give you advice they give you advice

spk_0 based off of their own life experiences and what they think is best you're not really in that

spk_0 portrayal except for a few pieces of advice where you might be in that portrayal right someone might

spk_0 give you advice on careers but their advice comes based off of their own life experience where are

spk_0 you in that right now maybe your family could give you advice that could benefit you because they

spk_0 know you better but I feel the whole point is getting advice from people is always tricky in your

spk_0 20s because not everyone is giving you advice for what they think is suited best for you they're

spk_0 giving advice on what they have been through and they're using their own experience to give you

spk_0 advice now that I'm not saying their experience is not valuable it is but there's certain times where

spk_0 you need to know you better than anyone else does there's certain times when you need to say that's

spk_0 good advice and I trust this person and I trust their Mashvara I'm gonna do some istahara on it I'm

spk_0 gonna think on it and then shall I pursue it and if it's good it will work out my point is I'm not

spk_0 saying don't seek Mashvara I'm saying they should seek Mashvara but you should seek it from people

spk_0 that you truly trust right you might have 10 20 friends that you really trust that are good friends

spk_0 no doubt in that right but you might have three of those 20 friends that really really know you

spk_0 that know you like the back of their hand so when you go to them and you're like hey I kind of need

spk_0 some advice what do you recommend you don't want to make sure that this person gives you advice

spk_0 based off of Islamic principles it's not you know someone that you can't trust someone that you know

spk_0 y'all's principles don't align you know what I'm saying so you want to make sure that you're

spk_0 seeking Mashvara from someone that you know has those similar values and principles as you and then

spk_0 I think obviously I think it's really good to seek Mashvara from scholars ask them for their opinion

spk_0 they have seen what it's like in the communities they they know they have so much experience I think

spk_0 it's good to ask them right but I don't think you should just ask Mashvara from anyone like and take

spk_0 anyone's Mashvara you can listen to whatever advice people might give you because people in your

spk_0 20 they'll all give you like unsolicited advice everywhere you go but you need to know what to take

spk_0 and what not to take right I know someone who like doesn't it struggles to make decisions and like

spk_0 anytime anyone give her any advice she will go do what they say and I sat down with her one day and

spk_0 I was like I love you bro but you need to stop listening to everyone says and I'm telling you

spk_0 something and I know you're gonna listen to me so there's one thing you listen to it's this

spk_0 if someone says you to do this you do it and then when someone says don't do that you don't do it

spk_0 and then someone someone says go forth with this you do it and when someone says don't you don't like

spk_0 you don't ever clock in with yourself internally and ask yourself what do I want to do

spk_0 and me and her had these conversations a couple times where I was like you can't just you know be a

spk_0 blind sheep to every single person's Mashvara especially because at some points she's taking Mashvara

spk_0 from people that weren't necessarily the best for her so I had this conversation with her and then

spk_0 things really changed because then when she started making decisions more rationally after

spk_0 praying it's the hot and after thinking okay I know me does this suit me okay maybe this does okay

spk_0 I know this person I trust them really well I should take their Mashvara or okay I know that

spk_0 this person and me we don't really have the same values maybe taking Mashvara from them won't be

spk_0 the smartest move things changed and that I feel like is really important because everyone has

spk_0 advice for everything in your 20s at a build a career how to have a successful marriage etc etc

spk_0 and I'm not saying that that advice is wrong I'm just saying that you need to know what fits you

spk_0 I believe I'm on the 5th thing if I'm not mistaken because I talked about

spk_0 it's the hot-on and talked about you know making those big decisions and staying private and whatnot

spk_0 whatever the next thing I'll say is to build the wakal and trust in al-Asmata'la while you do it

spk_0 because the wakal isn't passive it's taking the steps and leaving the outcome to Allah right

spk_0 you all heard about you know tying your camel and trusting the love but you want to make

spk_0 sure that you're actually doing your part and you want to make sure that you're actually

spk_0 doing your part also trusting him right some of us were very very good at the trusting part and not

spk_0 go to the acting part some of us are really good at doing the action but not go to the trust you

spk_0 want to make sure that we're doing both right in moments of uncertainty you want to remind yourself

spk_0 that al-Asmata'la's plan is always better even if you can't see it and that is very difficult to

spk_0 swallow in your 20s when maybe let's say you're trying to have a kid and everyone else around

spk_0 you's having a kid and you can't and now you're confused and wondering why why don't I deserve that

spk_0 why don't I get that but maybe Allah has something written for you in a way that is far more beautiful

spk_0 than you can imagine but you're fixated on what you want so all in all it kind of comes down to

spk_0 really trusting Allah which is one of the things that i've really told myself the last like two

spk_0 years where i felt like it was really hard dealing with uncertain situations or not knowing where to

spk_0 go or what to do right because i constantly felt like in your 20s like you're always told to move

spk_0 quick like there's a timeline right like you kind of have to get married to someone in a certain time

spk_0 graduate a certain time have kids at a certain time and then if something comes earlier or something

spk_0 comes later than you expect we start to lose hope but that the whole point is this timeline was

spk_0 kind of man-made right we kind of made it in our mind that by 20s you need to have this by the

spk_0 one on your timeline he doesn't run on these dunya timelines he runs based on what he knows is

spk_0 best for you and that's hard because in your mind the traditional timeline sounds right but Allah

spk_0 knows what is actually better for you one of the things i will tell you that really kept reoccurring

spk_0 was the wakul for me where i had to constantly tell myself i submit this to Allah i'm done thinking

spk_0 about it there's a quote i love and it says that i don't know what tomorrow holds but i know who

spk_0 and that's Allah and i feel like that always helps me you don't know what is going to happen

spk_0 tomorrow but you know Allah will already be there for you if you have found Allah especially in your

spk_0 youth you have found everything because this is the one thing in this dunya that everyone will

spk_0 try to take away from you but if you learn to hold on to it it's one of the things that will make

spk_0 you the most powerful in shAllah in this life and in the next beyond that i feel like i would say

spk_0 in general if i had to give like another piece of advice topping onto these as i'm talking about it

spk_0 i feel like one thing i'd say while we're talking about you know making decisions in timelines

spk_0 is don't rush major decisions whether it's like marriage job a big move whatever it is you need to

spk_0 breathe take a breath breathe think about it think about it and think about it right i feel like

spk_0 a lot of us are scared to sit there and think and decide on whether we think something is right

spk_0 or wrong because we're scared that we might lose the opportunity we might lose the window i have to

spk_0 quickly give an answer i got to jump on the train type situation but you need to give yourself

spk_0 permission to take your time to reflect to think praise the hajda and trust that what's meant for

spk_0 you will not pass you by i feel like that's another one in your 20s where especially i feel like

spk_0 unfortunately with marriage like the aunties they'll really rush you like oh my god like this is

spk_0 the moment you have to get married right now this instant this this second this second right now you

spk_0 got to get married because if you don't get married now then how will you have kids by so and so

spk_0 age and then you need kids by then so your kids could you know be in like first grade by this grade

spk_0 and you're like wait hold on hold on where am i in all of this right thing is yes like our aunties

spk_0 and our own goals and stuff like that like they give some things that come from a place of wisdom

spk_0 and whatnot but you don't want to come to a point where you are where it's starting to get very very

spk_0 toxic in the way that you make decisions that you just want to say you've made the decision and not

spk_0 think about it right i always say when it comes to marriage that the point of getting married is not

spk_0 to get married it's a state married right it's a decision that you make for the rest of your life

spk_0 and you want to be smart about that decision when it comes to career so this is a big commitment

spk_0 thing twice when it comes to business business dealings thing twice you don't always have to say

spk_0 yes yes doesn't have to be your default praise the hot uh see how you feel on it and if you feel

spk_0 like maybe think no is the right choice then that is okay don't punish yourself for saying no

spk_0 it is okay to say no it is okay to say yes take a breath and think before you make bigger decisions

spk_0 and i feel like that all kind of aligns with everything i've said earlier in regards to the

spk_0 walk go and brings the hot and whatnot the next thing i'll tell you is to ask yourself the real

spk_0 questions i feel like this would be number what i don't even know so i would stop counting but my

spk_0 next point is to ask yourself the really real real questions the reason why i say this is kind

spk_0 of in line with what i said earlier because of this timeline this invisible timeline because of

spk_0 this rush people are going to rush you to make decisions a lot sooner than you feel ready but

spk_0 you need to really ask yourself are you ready for marriage are you ready for kids are you ready for

spk_0 major life change are you rushing because of pressure right um you need to really think am i

spk_0 prepared emotionally spiritually financially for whatever you have in your mind even if that's

spk_0 taking the risk and starting a business you want to start your own business that's okay

spk_0 ask yourself the real questions do i have the discipline to maintain that right some people

spk_0 have great ideas and they are very creative but they're just not good at the managing side i know

spk_0 someone who is super successful who has a lot of businesses who makes a lot of money and to be

spk_0 honest like they'll admit and say that i'm not that good at managing things and they have hired

spk_0 people that manage things for them right is that ideal no but the reality is that a lot of us

spk_0 sometimes jump into things without thinking twice on how that would impact our life and that's

spk_0 the same thing with marriage you're constantly told to get married and rush into marriage and you

spk_0 try your best to get married but then you know when stuff hits the ceiling you realize that maybe

spk_0 you don't know this person i know someone who married someone else because it was more of a family

spk_0 decision right and it was something that the family wanted to happen and they didn't the couple

spk_0 didn't get much time to talk and see how they feel about everything they just got married because

spk_0 it was something other parents were putting upon them and it's come to a point now where

spk_0 it's barely been a few months and when you start to see how someone views big important things

spk_0 you see how much you guys disagree you see how much bigger dealbreakers are basically you know

spk_0 overlooked or these big dealbreakers that are a deal breaker for you this person has to and now

spk_0 you're married to a person who has the dealbreakers that you said you'd never be with you know what i'm

spk_0 saying now it's in some hot waters and i know a lot of people like that who unfortunately

spk_0 got married and then now it's like who did i get married to and i feel like the reality is like

spk_0 with marriage you won't 100% ever know anybody right you don't you don't know anyone until

spk_0 you're with them completely but you don't want to shut the door and be like oh mg who is this person

spk_0 like what what is this who are you like there's needs to be some level of clarity before we go

spk_0 into this decision right again um easier said than done but i think that you need to put your foot

spk_0 down in those circumstances as well because again people rush major life decisions they'll rush

spk_0 you to do certain things at certain times and they'll tell you yes yes you are ready but at the

spk_0 end of the day i want you to think when you get married especially with marriage because the big one

spk_0 in your 20s when you get married you don't just think about yourself your decisions are not just

spk_0 about you when you get married you know i've met some people before who said to me that oh like

spk_0 oh getting married is not a big deal because i can still live my life however i want to live it

spk_0 right like i'm still gonna do whatever i want i know some people that are like oh and i get married

spk_0 it doesn't matter like really what my wife thinks or like how life is like with kids and whatnot

spk_0 because like i'm an adventurous person i like adventure i'm not the type of person to settle down

spk_0 like i'm gonna travel the world and build my business and do all these types of things that's fine

spk_0 but then when you have a wife and you have kids you can't just decide hey new york this week

spk_0 you know texas the next and chicago the third you can't just jump around the entire world just

spk_0 because you want to can't pack it up and be like you know what that's it let's go to Dubai just for

spk_0 the sake of it we're moving there for good and your kids are still like enrolled in school trying to

spk_0 learn how to make friends and they're adjusting with all of these changes and in part he's like well

spk_0 this is what i want to do this is my dream maybe maybe this wasn't the best move for you then

spk_0 you know what i'm saying like you've got to be reasonable like there's some people that are like

spk_0 i want to travel the entire world and do all these things and you can get married and do all

spk_0 those things but if you know that you personally are not the type of person that takes someone into

spk_0 account right now in your place where you are in life right now maybe think twice i know some

spk_0 couples who got married who don't tell each other basic things like hey i'm taking a trip right now

spk_0 with my friends two friends i'm taking a trip right now with my friends two to buy they don't

spk_0 tell each other that they just go and then they have arguments after that why did you not bother to

spk_0 tell me that you're just getting up and going somewhere like is it not important to have that

spk_0 basic communication it's these types of things that like if you are not ready to think about another

spk_0 person to think on how someone else might feel on what you do in your decisions then maybe you

spk_0 should think twice a lot of people want to get married to say they're married to say that they're

spk_0 husband to say that they're a wife but that actually requires the roles and responsibilities and

spk_0 you gotta be ready to uphold that i'll also say one thing though which might sound a little

spk_0 controversial and maybe even a little contradictory what i said earlier you will never be a hundred

spk_0 percent ready okay there's some things you learn on the job ham just saying the truth there's

spk_0 some things you learn on the job and marriage career life it's just one of those things the

spk_0 whole point is being teachable before you grow and head into this part of your life right you're

spk_0 not gonna know everything nor is your marriage in your life and your career gonna be it is a

spk_0 super easy laid out there's gonna be a lot of things a lot of group holds a lot of plot toys

spk_0 that are gonna come that you might not know how to handle the point is to be teachable if you're

spk_0 not teachable you're going to suffer in whatever endeavor you take the whole point is to be prepared

spk_0 as much as you can be as a single individual to be prepared as much as you can be before you you

spk_0 know start a business whatever but then the most important thing else thinking that preparation

spk_0 is to be teachable because you're gonna learn a lot of things and you're gonna grow a lot and you

spk_0 might not be the same you and that's okay but if you are teachable you'll learn how to take those

spk_0 lessons and help them positively grow you and help you become a better person the next thing i'm

spk_0 gonna say to you is one that is also maybe basic but also relevant to everything i'm saying

spk_0 learning to be at peace with mixed emotions okay sometimes things will work out and sometimes

spk_0 things won't and like i mentioned earlier with timelines things can be very very iffy you can feel

spk_0 normal like life is going through you can feel pretty happy you can feel really joy you can feel

spk_0 really sad maybe you're really depressed maybe you're feeling a lot of emotions at once whatever

spk_0 it might be it's okay it's okay this is life life is gonna make you feel a hundred emotions

spk_0 and one day and that's okay okay the profit piece be parted and went through so much grief yet we

spk_0 still see how used to praise all this method throughout our all right we need to let go of the need to

spk_0 have everything perfect to have every single situation our life labeled to have every single day

spk_0 labeled as good or bad we need to let go of that life is a blend of emotions and we have to embrace

spk_0 the duality of it all we cannot be fixated on trying to make the entire day good or something bad

spk_0 happen other entire days bad no take the days in the seconds as they come and learn to go through

spk_0 them as they come and even in general like i said in big decisions learn to be at peace with mixed

spk_0 emotions maybe you're not a hundred percent sure what to do that's okay then like i said earlier

spk_0 you really pray on it you really think on it sleep on it just think on all these difficult

spk_0 decisions in your life to a lot of us the harder on them and then go with it and if you have mixed

spk_0 emotions and you feel confused that's okay sometimes the whole test for you is not about

spk_0 necessarily doing the action resolving everything sometimes it's just about surrender to alas

spk_0 and letting him unfold everything letting go of that need of control which is something i

spk_0 personally struggled with a lot i always felt like i had to do an action i had to do something

spk_0 but then i really learned that maybe the test is about surrender and after you surrender

spk_0 of course like doing everything you can in your own hands to help a situation but also knowing

spk_0 like okay this is all i can do and i'm done like now i'm going to surrender myself to alas

spk_0 and even throw your efforts you surrender yourself to him so that's one thing i'll say the

spk_0 next thing that i'll say that i think is kind of important this one might be a little bit different

spk_0 than everything i've been saying but i'll say to expand on your Islamic knowledge especially

spk_0 foundational things if you haven't done that already it is really important to learn you know

spk_0 and ground yourself and akida and fake and cedar and learning these things

spk_0 you need to build a base of faith that can withstand life's storms right

spk_0 tick-tock university and stram universities not enough you need to take the effort to go and roll

spk_0 into a local program go and roll somewhere online whatever is easiest for you we need to cover

spk_0 foundationals a lot of us unfortunately and guilt is charged like i'll be honest like we have

spk_0 pieces and bits of knowledge from pieces and bits of information but then we don't know our

spk_0 foundations and you want to make it a point to go back and learn your foundations in order in the

spk_0 correct way and revisit that that is something that i've definitely been focusing more on in my

spk_0 twenties to come back and around myself right we're talking about in our twenties we're talking

spk_0 about family we're talking about having children doing things like that having you know getting

spk_0 married and these things they require you to have a good base of Islamic knowledge it's not

spk_0 something you just get up and do one day when you have kids you got to explain to them you know

spk_0 the basic foundational knowledge and if you overlook that for yourself we're going to teach them

spk_0 and even before your service to others you need to remember that this seeking knowledge is

spk_0 very very important it is something you must do this is your dean learn it we have spent

spk_0 years and years of our life learning from different books learning from different schools on

spk_0 different topics but we don't know the basics of our dean and that's not that's not acceptable we

spk_0 need to make it a point we need to try our best to learn in whatever means we can so this is one

spk_0 that again i know i said this like a little diverted from like the other ones but i think it's

spk_0 important because knowledge isn't just for information as for transformation this knowledge is you

spk_0 got to act on it these are things that are really important and if you don't know you don't have

spk_0 this basic compass in your life all things after that kind of become a little harder

spk_0 my next piece of advice is kind of like random but i feel like this is a big part of the 20s

spk_0 the 20s wrath that's mean my friends like to call it um this is a big part of it and so i wanted

spk_0 to talk about it just slightly in this episode now look at what we say i'm up front with y'all this

spk_0 is not one that i can give you like endless open advice on because i'm single but i will say

spk_0 i feel like in your 20s especially like as a girl like the day you turn like 21

spk_0 you even starting like 20s they're like so when are you gonna get married and you're like dude

spk_0 dude chill out like a man ain't just going fall from this guy you know like i need to get ready myself

spk_0 like it's a lot or like goddra bit like you know you turn in next age is your birthday and the

spk_0 next party yeah you're wedding let's let's do a wedding and you're like hold on so it's like one of

spk_0 those things where like it's like automatic i know i feel like maybe men don't have to hear it as much

spk_0 but i know it's a girl like in your 20s the way that we are pressured to get married asap is insane

spk_0 and it's like it's like someone's literally putting like something to your throw other like hurry

spk_0 up hurry up hurry up hurry up it's like whoa whoa calm down calm down right

spk_0 it's one of those things and of course um i'm not saying that men don't get that pressure some men

spk_0 do get that pressure but i just feel like generally as a girl like we're constantly told your time

spk_0 is running out your time is running out your time is running out so i want to talk about it in

spk_0 this one specifically for the girlies when it comes in regards to marriage this is just my take

spk_0 and something that i've learned from the people around me um especially in your 20s like i said

spk_0 you're rushed a lot to get married and a lot of times people will give you many many different

spk_0 reasons for it like as a girl that your time is running out that you know no guys are going to

spk_0 want to marry you like after you turn a certain age whatever it is and i like here's a thing like

spk_0 some aunties they give you reasonings that you know might they might it come might come from a place

spk_0 of love like they want good for you but the way they're conveying it and their reasonings might

spk_0 make you go even farther from wanting to get married and then of course there are some aunties

spk_0 and even your own parents like they might give you advice like it's good to settle down early in

spk_0 your 20s it's good to settle down in your 20s period like you know you're an adult like it's

spk_0 i mean you're growing human being like it's i mean come on like you know it's it's important

spk_0 i think to settle down especially in this time where there's so much fifth now whenever you can

spk_0 and if all of facilitates it but like the problem is sometimes i feel like people get too caught up

spk_0 in the reasonings the negative reasonings to get married and i feel like it's important to mention

spk_0 that you need to speak as balls with the right intentions i know people might rush you especially

spk_0 as a girl doing a rush you don't say hurry up make a decision first guy comes to the door that

spk_0 that's you that's your husband it was meant to be that's him and you talk to him and you're like

spk_0 what's going on we don't see i don't i don't need thing like you know what's where where are we

spk_0 right um and then you know sometimes in the 20s like i'll tell you person that Pakistan you right

spk_0 so i don't know how it is for other people but i know in general like orange marriages are a huge

spk_0 now personally i'm the lilo like in my family like i know for some people like it's an

spk_0 arranged marriage in a forced way and it's automatically even i don't think that's a good thing to do

spk_0 and that's like another topic for another day and that's why i feel like people should really stand

spk_0 their ground and know there's some right when it comes regards to this topic and i think i've made

spk_0 a podcast up to it a long long long time ago and i was like green flags just even like within

spk_0 yourself like things that you should try to cultivate within yourself it isn't about someone has

spk_0 this red flag or someone has this green flag and you should go for that person it was an episode

spk_0 basically basically right talk about how you should cultivate those good science quote-code and

spk_0 give it to those bad science quote-code within yourself because we are always so fixated on the outside

spk_0 and you know one of the things that i always mille forgive me maybe i'm wrong for saying this

spk_0 i know that let's just be frank i feel like sometimes when you're finding someone for marriage

spk_0 you get these thoughts in your mind or you're like oh my god this person seems so religious what

spk_0 what if it's fake what if they're not what they seem right what if they're not just religious as they

spk_0 seem sometimes i sit back and i i really think about it and i'm like what if we are not as religious

spk_0 as we seem what if we are not as good as we seem we are always so quick to judge the other person

spk_0 and say maybe that person is fake quote-quote religious maybe that person is not really as good as

spk_0 they seem are you as good as you seem are you as religious as you seem we are always so fixated on

spk_0 keeping a really deep and close eye on other people and judging them for their religiosity

spk_0 trying to figure out whether it's real or fake or not when we don't even know where we lie

spk_0 so that's one of the things i'll first say is that in the game of marriage i guess you could say

spk_0 people are gonna try to make decisions for you tell you that you should do this if you don't

spk_0 do this you're gonna regret for the rest of your life like people are really going to try to run

spk_0 you upside down i want to remind you that the decision of marriage is yours it's yours okay it's yours

spk_0 now you you do as the hot uh you ask all the espantola to guide you and to make it clear what's good

spk_0 for you and you seek much for a you seek much for a from the people around you that what do you think

spk_0 of this person do you think i mean this person to be compatible and you seek much for a from

spk_0 trusted people from people who can help you your parents your family what not right but no one

spk_0 can hold your hand and make that decision for you the other crippling painful reality about marriage

spk_0 as you never really know who someone is so time comes things at the ceiling you committed you're

spk_0 wondering are they really who they say they are and that kind of comes back to the whole fake

spk_0 religiosity point that i mentioned earlier but in general you wonder what they're like also you

spk_0 one thing that my mom was told me from a young age and i hated it but she was just a say to me here

spk_0 i can't give you any guarantee on marriage no one can this world can give you a guarantee on marriage

spk_0 it's in Allah's hands you rationalize you make the best decision and you go forward you praise the

spk_0 Allah and then you commit i just feel like sometimes we make it too long of a waiting period on

spk_0 like deciding or we just drag things out to a point where shaytan's was what so gets to us and

spk_0 then we're incapable of making a decision make your decision place your trust in Allah and hope for

spk_0 the best sometimes you have to come back to those simple simple lenses you know i know like for

spk_0 example i know some people who like overthink this to a point that is kind of not good and here's

spk_0 the thing like it's important to talk about deal breakers and big stuff like that and what have you

spk_0 but sometimes people like they'll rationalize the like okay it's a good person good thing good

spk_0 everything everything checks out but what if one day i wake up and they change what if one day i

spk_0 wake up and they lost their job and things like that look the thing is no one in this world can give

spk_0 you a guarantee on character you can be days away from your engagement you can be days away from

spk_0 your nika days away from just getting married and you might sit there and think about someone

spk_0 you might be like you know i love this person well i hope you don't love them you like them

spk_0 you know i like this person where about i get married but who are they that question in the back

spk_0 of your mind of who are they will we be successful will this be a good marriage it's always going

spk_0 to be there i don't think it's ever going to leave until you marry that person and then you start

spk_0 spending time with them you figure out what life is about with them that's not going to leave

spk_0 however you have to come to a point where you've done your best to deal diligence and that's

spk_0 asking all the important questions and even the scary what if questions what if one day that

spk_0 got for bid but you'd wake up and your spouse doesn't pray anymore how would you go about guiding

spk_0 them back in a kind way and encouraging way to help them what if they're very very religious now

spk_0 and got for bit something happens to out of line right what if even you're not looking for Dean

spk_0 which is number one big problem Dean is the very top priority to Dean is the thing that you should

spk_0 look for but you know some people they don't look for Dean um i just feel like the best way and i

spk_0 always say this is if you want to figure out if you're infatuated take away every single thing

spk_0 that this person has their job their career whatever they're doing how they are what just everything

spk_0 take away everything from them and just place them in front of your eyes as just the human they are

spk_0 if you still feel like that is a good person and you like that person then that is someone you should

spk_0 consider getting married to if you feel like oh my god their dean is so good they're still

spk_0 you know a kind sweet person their characteristics and who they are is incredible then there you go

spk_0 there's your answer but if you remove everything that they have and a part of you's like oh you know

spk_0 but like they have a good job and they're settled but his character is just okay her character is

spk_0 just okay i mean if she didn't work at this job or she didn't have this i don't know if i'd

spk_0 be interested much that's a problem you need to understand that got for bid but life at one point

spk_0 can put you in a place where you have everything and a place where you have nothing and if you are

spk_0 married you need to make sure that somebody could do both with because if it's just somebody who

spk_0 you can have everything with and when times come and you have nothing and they cannot withstand that

spk_0 we have a huge problem right now of one i don't know how you're gonna go through life with somebody

spk_0 like that life is upside down it's a lot and it requires a lot of great it requires a lot of hard

spk_0 work it requires a lot of initiative and the way that we make decisions now based off of oh my god

spk_0 your girl you're turning you know so and so age your time's running out hurry up say yes

spk_0 and then you look at the guy and the guy's like you know he's not what you're hoping he's not what

spk_0 you're looking for you know don't don't like be rational and think twice about it now if you

spk_0 did find someone one thing i will leave you is this question i read this question online and i saw

spk_0 this question many times like on instagram and i felt it was beautiful and it said that marry someone

spk_0 will help you get through the loss of your parents not just someone who brings you vibes and i

spk_0 feel like that is so important the person you marry is someone that you're gonna be with forever

spk_0 inshallah and you're gonna see a lot of times together marriage isn't just the first five years

spk_0 of you guys being in a honeymoon phase and being in love and learning how to live together and then

spk_0 having kids and then you know getting a good job and getting settled marriage is not just the five

spk_0 marriage is 60 marriage is when you're 70 marriages when you're 80 marriage is when you are

spk_0 maybe in your 30s marriages when you just had a kid and you have postpartum depression is that

spk_0 someone you can spend your last the rest of your life with if he's a type to get agitated and

spk_0 aggravated and etc you know like think twice like people make decisions you know and i'm just

spk_0 I'm gonna be honest sometimes you might meet someone and there might be a really good spouse

spk_0 for your 20s not for life wake up too many times girls make decisions where they meet a guy

spk_0 and they're like oh my god but he's so ambitious and he's so career driven he's so hard working and

spk_0 he makes so much money but yeah yeah that's great like a man should have those things but when it comes

spk_0 in the terms of being emotional intelligent understanding a woman you know just like

spk_0 being because remember you're not just marrying a husband you're gonna also have your kids

spk_0 doesn't be a kid's dad right and they don't have that quality they don't have that emotional

spk_0 intelligence it's more of i don't want to say alpha male government but you know it's more of

spk_0 just like my world my ambitions my dreams oh yeah and i have a wife and yeah my wife has kids

spk_0 mom gonna do whatever I want i want to make this much money i'm gonna live my life this way

spk_0 and you're not into consideration right my friend one of my close friends she got married this year

spk_0 and one of the things she said to me was one of the things people don't prepare you for in marriage

spk_0 is the fact that like people tell you they like oh you have ups and downs with your spouse and stuff

spk_0 like that etc but one of the things she said to me is like now every single decision you make you

spk_0 have to think about how that impacts your spouse you can't just get up and decide that i want to go

spk_0 do this because i want to go do it you have a spouse now you have to ask how they might feel about

spk_0 something and i feel like a lot of times in this generation we've made it such a i'm an independent

spk_0 person i'm gonna do whatever i want no one should tell me what to do no one should control me

spk_0 i'm gonna you know go do a z by myself and it's a problem because you you have a spouse

spk_0 maybe your spouse has kids like you have kids at home and you're deciding that you just want to

spk_0 embark on your own and not take any consideration for your family and that's the problem like a

spk_0 lot of girls in your 20s i hear you don't mean a lot of guys that might have it all they might

spk_0 seem flashy that might seem very very attractive and whatever it might be but they might just be

spk_0 fit for your 20s not fit for life you need someone who's fit for life you need someone who's

spk_0 emotional intelligent who's truly godfiring who knows how to walk with you in this life and who knows

spk_0 and first first and foremost who's intention to marry is for the sake of a las wanthala first

spk_0 and foremost it's not about saying oh so i can have a wife oh so i can say that i have a spouse

spk_0 so i have a friend to be with no it's about first and foremost a las wanthala because marriage

spk_0 can impact your iman in a great way this is not something to play with your iman is not something to

spk_0 play with okay so i when you think and you meet these guys like i know some girls who met guys

spk_0 in college and the guy was like oh you know like i'm young i'm still like going through life like

spk_0 you know it's early i'm not settled yet do you want to just talk on and off for like three four

spk_0 years until i get settled then i'll talk to your parents no no like it's unreasonable no like these

spk_0 are the types of things that it doesn't really go anywhere hello hello hello's better i don't want to

spk_0 speak in a ill way or sound like those podcasts that gap about like relationships that's not my

spk_0 domain i'm not in a relationship i'm just saying from what i have learned growing up in my life what

spk_0 my parents have taught me when i've seen from seeing my own siblings married what i've seen from

spk_0 my friends like what truly makes a good nurturing happy relationship is picking someone wisely

spk_0 not picking someone for the sake of vibe then for the sake of all this person looks good this person's

spk_0 like this this person makes a lot of money that is not going to be the thing that's going to help you

spk_0 at the end of the day when god forbid your parents pass away and you are sitting there in the corner

spk_0 of your room bawling your eyes out crying and your spouse is just staring at you like

spk_0 i don't know i'm supposed to say like and he hits you with that one like just like you know what i'm

spk_0 saying like you got to marry someone who's emotion intelligent who even even the moments they don't

spk_0 know what to say they know how to be there to comfort you they know how to be there to be there like

spk_0 you know what i'm saying it's like when you marry for marriage and you marry for these types of

spk_0 things like and the guy has no emotional depth with himself or he doesn't have any regard for this

spk_0 theme like it's a recipe for disaster and of course you guys have heard this before seek someone

spk_0 who's a hug whose character who's dean really makes you feel safe not just entertained the last

spk_0 thing i'll say on this topic is that i feel like even the aunties was all this idea and i think in

spk_0 general it's more meshed in from the western idea where when you meet someone you're supposed to

spk_0 fall head over heels over them you're supposed to love them at first sight it's supposed to be oh my

spk_0 god and you in my gut it would be you no it's no it doesn't have to be like that no a lot of the

spk_0 a lot of times i noticed the relationships that last the most are like the slow bird ones where you

spk_0 meet a person and you're like hmm okay let's see where this goes um and then you vibe and you find

spk_0 out that this is your person don't be fixated on making someone the one and don't be fixated on

spk_0 being the one for anyone don't because that's the greatest mistake i think people make where they

spk_0 just want to prove to someone that i'm the one for you and you may not be you may not be just be

spk_0 who you are as you are don't shoot yourself in the foot being someone you're not be who you are

spk_0 as you are live your life and if someone comes along and they love you for that and they love you

spk_0 for that and that's fine but you don't have to be someone you're not to attract a bunch of people

spk_0 who you probably won't like and won't enjoy spending the rest of your life with right um it all comes

spk_0 down to priorities and you need to make sure you have your priorities aligned first that you want

spk_0 to do this for Allah SWT and inshallah over time Allah will send you good people as well

spk_0 with that life lesson i guess i'll kind of move on to my other one which is

spk_0 kind of in regards to stuff i said before like learn to sit with discomfort your 20s will test

spk_0 your patience your plans will fail doors will close and instead of rushing to escape discomfort

spk_0 learn to sit with it through discomfort your learn resilience to learn patience and a deeper

spk_0 connection with Allah it's not all you know beautiful chapters for people in their 20s i know some

spk_0 people in their 20s it's it seems like a like a fairy tale right you just hit your 20s you graduate

spk_0 you get married you have kids it's so perfect for some people the doors are shutting in different ways

spk_0 things are confusing maybe you're struggling to have a kid maybe you're struggling to get married

spk_0 whatever this things are happening in different ways and it isn't as smooth as it seems

spk_0 learn to sit with discomfort like i talked about the wakal earlier learn to sit with it and know

spk_0 that Allah is guiding you to wherever he knows is best for you and that's totally okay

spk_0 my next one will be to guard your time and your energy very very wisely not every opportunities for

spk_0 you not every relationship is for you and not every relationship is meant to last you need to

spk_0 protect your energy for what truly matters which is worship which is your personal goals which is

spk_0 meaningful relationships right the time that we spend on this dunya is something that we will be

spk_0 questioned for and it could be that as time goes on in your 20s you might meet people you might

spk_0 let go of people whatever it is relationships some of them that we make in her 20s are like quick

spk_0 sand and you don't want to be caught holding on to quick sand for the rest of your life you need

spk_0 to have good company you need to have good company you need to have good company i know i say that

spk_0 all the time i know you guys hear that all the time real talk in your 20s the people you meet like

spk_0 these are the think about it in this light just think about it as a girl the friends that you make

spk_0 in your 20s these are the people that you want to let allow like you want to allow to be around your

spk_0 kid now think about your friends and think if you will allow that type of person around your kid

spk_0 because that one day or another like you know at one point you're gonna have a kid and your friends

spk_0 whoever they are you know would be around that kid they'd be around to support you they'd be

spk_0 around to help you is that someone you want around your kids probably not probably i don't know

spk_0 maybe if someone super righteous someone who's very you know knowledgeable about this thing like

spk_0 that would be a good influence but like you have to think that these are the people even beyond kids

spk_0 that you're gonna go through life with right in your 20s a lot of times people like the graduate

spk_0 college and then they leave all their friends there and i like i have a lot of friends that

spk_0 graduated college and i always like made it a point to like let my friends know and in general be

spk_0 like you're not a college friend you're a life friend like these are the people that you meet and

spk_0 you want to go through life with them right you have to make an act of effort for that it's kind

spk_0 of tiring it at some you know at some points yes a life is a lot in your 20s you have too many

spk_0 things pulling in different ways but you have to make an active effort to maintain those friendships

spk_0 or also just always going to just be a college friendship and nothing else you know you have to

spk_0 make an active effort to keep them outside of that and nurture it. Another thing that's important

spk_0 to mention is you guys have heard how a man follows the religion of his friends so each one should

spk_0 consider whom he makes his friend that it says it itself you need to be careful on who your friends

spk_0 are good company is it optional it really hinders and it really comes into roll with your survival

spk_0 and how you thrive and you want to make sure it's people who are manual as mother la the next thing

spk_0 I'm going to say is focus on consistency over intensity instead of overwhelming yourself with

spk_0 big plans focus on the small steady actions like regular prayer, figure, Quran recitations

spk_0 just working on your character being kinder whatever it might be right you guys know how the

spk_0 most beloved deeds to Allah are those done consistently even if they are small and I feel like

spk_0 when you compare yourself a lot in your 20s to other people and their journey remember that like

spk_0 with comparison that's someone else's life that's how someone else is living it me and you don't

spk_0 know what someone else had to give up to have what they have today and it could be that what they

spk_0 have today is something that you probably wouldn't want if you knew all they had to give up to achieve

spk_0 it okay we don't know what people have to leave behind to be in the seats that they are today

spk_0 and that's why when you meet people of course meet them with you know well wishes for them meet

spk_0 them with good to us like pray that they are successful and all that they do because you don't

spk_0 know what people had to sacrifice to be in the positions that they are today but in general like

spk_0 I was saying comparison is really really frequent and a lot of times when you see people doing these

spk_0 big big moves you think that I have to do that too and so you over burning yourself you work

spk_0 you work yourself out in a way where you just you burn yourself out in a bad way you don't want

spk_0 to do that okay focus on consistency the small things add up to the big things it's kind of like

spk_0 the idea from a dawn I always say this like in everything one of my Ramadan episodes like when

spk_0 Ramadan comes around I set like a few solid goals for myself and those seem really small like I've

spk_0 every time I tell people my goals are like hmm that's it like okay it'll seem small but I've done that

spk_0 for many many many many many Ramadan's and the goal is not to just do it in Ramadan and leave

spk_0 it there it's to do it outside of that so I would set those goals then make it a point to make

spk_0 sure I'm doing it throughout the year and then over time as Ramadan comes Ramadan comes the

spk_0 years go by you have accumulation of a bunch of small small things that you're doing the add up to

spk_0 big things whether that's written Quran more consistently or whether it's waking up for the

spk_0 hug of every day whether that's reading Surah Yasin every morning whether that's doing a certain

spk_0 dhikr every single day and I think about it like think about the big goals just in Ramadan or think

spk_0 about the small ones that you're doing throughout the year that you're going to do in shalan shalan

spk_0 shalaful allows for the rest of your life because you planned to you know make goals that you

spk_0 knew fit in your schedule and worked well that's another thing I do in Ramadan and I think it's good

spk_0 to do in general is like look at your days of the week like how how your days are running for you

spk_0 in a certain week if you know that Sundays are more busier than Tuesdays don't expect the same

spk_0 level from yourself cater and design your schedule and the way you want to go about things in a way

spk_0 where you know you'll actually be allowed to achieve it and not constantly feel like a failure at

spk_0 the end of the night that you didn't accomplish something that you had in your mind I'm going to close

spk_0 this off with one last reflection which is remember the power of the in being gentle with yourself

spk_0 you're going to make a lot of mistakes a lot of them and a most of them you're going to wish you

spk_0 didn't do them I always say that hindsight no matter when you're always when you look back you're

spk_0 always going to be like man I was stupid I could have done better like I always say that when I was

spk_0 if I look back to when I was 19 I was 18 I'm like why would I do that that was such a stupid decision

spk_0 well in the moment I thought that was the best thing in the world right and that's that's just how it

spk_0 is hindsight will always make you feel like the decisions that you made were wrong the decisions

spk_0 that you made could have been better right that's the whole point of life you grow up you get

spk_0 wiser you learn okay maybe that wasn't right one day you know you'll be 50 you look back at what

spk_0 you did at 20 you'll be like really do like come on do better or maybe you'll look back and you'll

spk_0 be proud of yourself whatever it is need to be gentle with yourself you're going to make the

spk_0 mistakes you're going to have setbacks and you're going to feel lost and that's part of the journey

spk_0 take it a day out as a tie I stop listening to people when they'll be like oh the 20s are the

spk_0 worst year of your life like it's too much like you're going to have to get married and get a

spk_0 career and then pop out kids and you're going to be miserable I stop listening to that I remember when

spk_0 I turned 20 some people were like oh welcome to the 20s like your life but I go downhill from here

spk_0 and I was like mm-hmm you have to actively make a choice to not listen to negative people and

spk_0 their opinion it's the same thing no matter where you go in life with whether you start a new

spk_0 job and everyone at the job is like oh my god you're gonna hate this job and then you come out

spk_0 and you end up liking it it's not that bad it's the same thing with going to a certain school

spk_0 having a certain instructor everyone's like oh it's the worst personal world and you meet them and

spk_0 you go through it then you're like it's not that bad format your own opinions formulate your own

spk_0 opinions do not sit here and go based off of other people's opinions because other people's opinions

spk_0 have a lot of their own personal experience and their own history behind it and you don't have the

spk_0 same experience or the same history as someone else formulate your own opinions nothing is hard

spk_0 nothing is hard everything is easy with Allah that's one thing I tell myself all the time nothing

spk_0 is hard everything is easy with Allah have Allah in your mind always and go through all of these things

spk_0 in this life that might seem quote-quote hard and challenge those statements of where people might

spk_0 say that oh you know it's old doom and gloomy doesn't get better it does get better but you have

spk_0 to first of all one be gentle with yourself when you make those mistakes face those setbacks feel

spk_0 lost but be okay with it be okay with it if you let that define you and there's a really big problem

spk_0 and you can go downhill from there you want to keep trying you want to keep returning to

spk_0 Las Mothala you're going to send you're going to mess up but al-Azmursi is wider than your mistakes

spk_0 and then of course like I mentioned earlier remember the power of the when you're lost when you're

spk_0 overwhelmed when you're unsure turn to Allah even when your words are jumbled and they don't make

spk_0 sense he hears you right thought is your heart's lifeline you need it it is something that's going

spk_0 to help you so so much and if you remember it through all the things that you do it'll make things

spk_0 so much more easier for you when you pray about it and you say Allah I give this affair to you

spk_0 I'm done thinking about it I'm done worrying about it I give this to you you handle it you'll

spk_0 see Allah handle it for you in ways that you cannot even imagine too many times we think that we

spk_0 have to do it all on our own when really Allah is there to help us there's this beautiful ayah

spk_0 and the Quran where Allah says and be patient with the decree of your Lord for you are under our

spk_0 watchful eye this is a beautiful ayah this is 5248 and I love this ayah and it goes on to say and

spk_0 glorify the praises of your Lord when you rise I love this ayah and I feel like it is such a reminder

spk_0 to how life really goes be patient with the decree of your Lord you are under Allah's eye he sees

spk_0 and he's aware of everything that's going on in your life and even when it's hard even it's hard

spk_0 this ayah remember it and in shallow it will help open up even the hardest you know tightest

spk_0 corners of your life it will help you in your heart and it will help you in your day to day

spk_0 you are under Allah's watchful eye there's not anything that's happening to you that he's unaware of

spk_0 so if you feel like right now ever since you started your 20s and even in general if you're just

spk_0 going through a hard time life feels upside down you are under his watchful eye talk to him talk to

spk_0 him this is his decree you cannot escape decree you need to learn to accept decree with an open heart

spk_0 and an open mind because it's going to happen either way make the Allah take some consideration

spk_0 talk to him tell him how you feel tell him what's on your mind but don't live in a way where you

spk_0 constantly want to run away from the decree that's written where you constantly are living in a

spk_0 negative mindset trying to avoid everything that's not going to fix anything in the long term

spk_0 and like I said you won't really ever know how these years are going to go for all of us it can

spk_0 be very different it can be beautiful it can be hard it can be a mix of both this is dunya dunya

spk_0 is hard right but we ask Allah to make these years years where we are you know constantly

spk_0 worshipping him where we are growing to being the best Muslims that we can be and those that

spk_0 constantly remember him and the Ahidud before everything okay I've only been in the 20s for two

spk_0 years so take my advice with a grain of salt I feel like this is more of me yapping about like random

spk_0 life lessons of learned and like things that really amplified up again in my 20s from my past

spk_0 or like lessons that I've learned from my past and like how my 20s really maybe reflect on those

spk_0 things again or even just like advice that I've learned from a lot of scholars around me

spk_0 and even just my family it's hard I feel like you hear a lot I feel like it's especially as a girl

spk_0 I feel like when you turn 20 it's like a train wreck I don't know maybe it's like that for every

spk_0 for every girl maybe it's not I don't know it's like a train wreck and it's like things go upside

spk_0 down it's like everyone's pulling you different directions what are you gonna do this when you

spk_0 gonna do that and you need to be more in tune with yourself now more than ever because majority

spk_0 of us make big life decisions in our 20s and we want to make sure that we do it as good as we

spk_0 can to our best capability right and of course there was help inshallah something I said in this episode

spk_0 was somewhat beneficial and helpful I pray that this reached you all in a good way and I

spk_0 ask all the time to forgive me for any shortcomings and any sins I may have you know any shortcomings

spk_0 I may have had in conveying myself in this episode and in general please take care of yourself have

spk_0 a great rest of your day a sun like them

Navigating Your 20s: Careers, Timelines, Marriage & More | Islamic Feelings

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