Health
Episode 340: In Sickness and in Health (Dating Thoughts from the Hospital)
In this episode of Becoming Something, JP shares his unexpected hospital experience and reflects on the deeper aspects of relationships and marriage. He emphasizes the importance of finding a partner ...
Episode 340: In Sickness and in Health (Dating Thoughts from the Hospital)
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Interactive Transcript
Speaker A
Thanks for tuning in to Becoming Something, where we promise to keep the conversation honest and real for young adults in their 20s and 30s. Every moment we live is training for a future moment. And that's why we do this podcast, because we want you to be prepared for everything that life is going to throw at you. Our hope with this podcast is that it would help you become all that God desires you to be. So, with that in mind, let's jump right in to this week's episode of Becoming Something.
Speaker B
What's up, podcast world? It's your boy, jp. Not in the podcast studio. I'm at UT Southwestern Hospital in Dallas, Texas, and I texted these guys last night at 11:30pm I was like, would y' all please come see me? And Kathy's like, I don't know. I got a really busy day tomorrow. Got a lot of stuff going on. And then they're like, I don't even know if Nate's in Texas.
Speaker A
I, I. So I woke up this morning and my phone was flipped over, which it never is. I don't know. I just. So I was like, adelie, did you flip it over? She's like, yeah, your phone was just lighting up all the time. Because the only. There's only two people that my phone vibrates for. Adelie and jp.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker B
What time did you go to bed?
Speaker A
So I was in Dublin on a mission trip.
Speaker C
On a mission trip?
Speaker A
Yeah, over the weekend.
Speaker C
Find what that is.
Speaker B
Mission trip. On mission.
Speaker A
So I got back. I was traveling yesterday from 2am to 7pm Got back and wake up at 7pm So I was in bed at, like, 9.
Speaker C
I feel so sorry for you that you had a weekend in Dublin.
Speaker A
I know it was so hard with.
Speaker C
All your best friends.
Speaker B
He's like, jp, the only thing there is to do there is just get wasted. I was like, is that a confess? What? Like, are you confessing something? What are you doing?
Speaker A
I just. I've. I've been to London. I've been to Dublin. I would much rather go back to London. That's just what I'll say. And I'm sorry for you Irish listeners, but while I was there, I realized there's like a. I don't think anybody in Ireland is a believer.
Speaker B
So Evelyn's where Dr. Pepper was founded, right?
Speaker A
What? No, it's a Waco Guinness. While I was there, The Pharaoh.
Speaker B
Dublin. Dr. Pepper. I assume that's Texas. Dublin, Texas.
Speaker A
Are you. I don't even.
Speaker B
I don't.
Speaker A
I have no idea what that is.
Speaker B
Dr. Pepper, there's a Dublin, Dr. Pepper, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker A
Really?
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker A
The Faroe Islands were, like, right next to Ireland, and we've had people email from there, so I was like, I need to shout out over there.
Speaker B
Shout out, pretty.
Speaker C
Anyways, welcome back.
Speaker A
So I just feel like you guys misunderstood something. We get emails all the time being like, Nate's so sick. Like, he's the best. He's so sick. And so now you've taken me here, it's like, guys, I'm. They mean, like, cool.
Speaker C
What are you doing?
Speaker B
She couldn't be more.
Speaker A
I don't need to be here.
Speaker B
That's real.
Speaker C
JP is actually the one in the hospital. Do you want to give him update?
Speaker A
He seems fine.
Speaker B
Got the super sexy neck pick line. I'm so thankful I'm on this catheter over there. I've got the. This. This thing's been in since the 20th. The old IV over here. So. Yeah, man, life. Life is full of twists and turns. This is day 12 in the hospital. So started in Waco, moved to Dallas by way of ambulance. And yeah, man, it's been wild.
Speaker A
What do. Go ahead.
Speaker B
Harris Creek's still there. The podcast. Podcast still happening.
Speaker A
It's called Hilgan Camp Creek. We thought it would be a good shift.
Speaker B
Hilgan Camp Creek. Like, we're literally just answer that and close it. It's just there about food.
Speaker C
I don't need an answer.
Speaker B
No, I'll take some food.
Speaker A
I'll take some food.
Speaker B
It's unbelievable. Food's incredible.
Speaker C
Wow.
Speaker A
It actually is. How come you didn't finish your biscuit?
Speaker B
No, I just. Well, I didn't want to have too many carbs.
Speaker A
Oh, okay.
Speaker B
You got to crush that.
Speaker A
I would.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker A
What do you. What do you feel like you've learned? Like, any.
Speaker B
I mean, I hate this question.
Speaker A
Sorry. Okay. No, in your life, I learned how.
Speaker B
Much I hate the questions. How are you doing, bro?
Speaker C
We just.
Speaker B
What are you learning? What is God teaching you? I'm just like.
Speaker A
You ask us that every week at Stepper. That's how I feel every week.
Speaker B
I know, but what have I learned?
Speaker A
I don't know.
Speaker B
I want to write like a. Want to write like a. I want to write like a. Like, questions not to ask when somebody's in the hospital.
Speaker C
So what should he.
Speaker A
That would actually be really helpful.
Speaker C
Like, what would you want your visitors to come do? Bring you some food.
Speaker B
And I'm probably weird. Like, I. You know, I hate text. You know, I know the next generation loves text so much. I just, like, hate text. I Think that, you know, I think the. The show up, you know, pray up. Hey, here's a. Here's an Encouragement is always a good thing. You don't want to be like, hey, is there anything we can do? Like, that's because nobody knows. I mean, something nice about. If you can. Huh?
Speaker A
Say something nice to him.
Speaker B
I think if you can. I think if you, like, if you're a student of somebody and this is not about me, this is about me caring for someone else. It's like, if you're a student of somebody, you just, like, want to think of, like, what's their favorite thing? You know? And, like, just show up and bring it.
Speaker A
So that's like how I. That's why I came.
Speaker C
That's why we came. We were like, JP might be sad.
Speaker A
What's his favorite thing?
Speaker B
David Marvin. Like, everybody's like, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want? And I've like, everybody like, I'm good. I'm all good. And I'm so good. I'm taking care of. And then David, I was. I told David, I said, all right, bro, will you. He was like, hey, give me. I'm going to bring something. What can I bring? I was like, all right, will you bring me the best coffee in Dallas? And he walked in here with Starbucks.
Speaker A
So that's really how the interaction. You said the best coffee.
Speaker B
Best coffee in Dallas showed up and he. And he brought up with. He came up here with four different stories. Like, I didn't know what you want, so I. I got you four different drinks. I was like, dude, Starbucks, though. What?
Speaker A
That's amazing.
Speaker B
It's heartbreaking, man.
Speaker A
That's amazing.
Speaker B
It, like, shattered my soul because of.
Speaker A
Their, like, woke agenda.
Speaker B
I just want to, like, dude, I'm not sponsored by these guys at all. Three Nails. This is the best shirt on the planet. I will just say that it's like the most comfortable hospital shirt ever.
Speaker A
I will say I'm kind of sponsored by. Thank God.
Speaker C
So really cool stuff.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker C
That you didn't want me to have, but that's fine.
Speaker A
I know I did. I did go to her. I was like, kathy, thank God sent me and JP some stuff. How do you feel? And she's like, I got it, too. I was like, no, I. I want to be the cool sponsor guy.
Speaker B
Nice, man. I thought we would talk about today. Thank y' all for driving up. Truly. I really did text him at 11:30 last night. I was like, man, I know we need to record. I'm in the hospital. Y' all want to try to come up here? And so they.
Speaker A
Venmo, Monica for gas.
Speaker B
Yeah. Yeah. Venmo. Monica for gas. Yeah, just Venmo. So I. You know what I thought about? Like, this is just the thing that's been spinning in my head since I've been here is like, you just don't think this is. You're going to be in the hospital. Like, you just. When you're thinking about marriage, when you're thinking about finding somebody, like, you're thinking about the honeymoon, you know, you're thinking about life and all of that. And it's just like, I'm so convinced we look for all the wrong things in a spouse. And that's just. That's. That's one of the things that God is teaching me. There's. There's a lot. I mean, spiritual warfare, as we talked about last week, just, like, the physical, the spiritual. That's something. What does it look like to spend time with him? How do we enjoy him? The love of God? Like, trusting his sovereignty. Like, I've never once been discouraged in this. I'm not trying to be, like, superhuman or anything. It's just like, God, I've just been really grateful just to have health care and doctors that are, like, knowledgeable and want to see me well and whatnot, and friends that are helpful in that. But, yeah, that's just what I've been thinking about.
Speaker C
You also probably, like, hit the lottery. Is that the phrase, Struck the lottery? Won the lottery.
Speaker A
You struck the lottery? Yep. Was that time he struck the lottery? That's what everyone says.
Speaker C
Hit the lottery, whatever. With your wife.
Speaker B
Because, mom, what about one you could go won the lottery?
Speaker C
I live in a hospital. I don't.
Speaker B
You know who didn't win the lottery? Matt Davidson.
Speaker A
Oh, my God.
Speaker C
Hey.
Speaker B
He's in this room right now for sure.
Speaker C
Fight you on that. You married?
Speaker A
But he's not.
Speaker B
No, he seemed to. He just kind of nodded his head in agreement. Honestly, that was the disappointing thing. He was just kind of like. He's kind of like, yeah.
Speaker A
Oh, my God.
Speaker B
I'm just saying.
Speaker C
I was trying to compliment your wife.
Speaker B
Okay.
Speaker C
You have an awesome caretaker. What are some of the things that you're seeing in Monica that you might.
Speaker B
She was like, can I please. Like, it's. Monica's so weird. I think I'm like, she finds me more attractive.
Speaker C
Like, because you're in a hospital.
Speaker B
More vulnerable. And I'm like, oh, goodness.
Speaker A
That's a female thing.
Speaker C
Yeah. We like to take care of people.
Speaker B
I think It's a, it is a, it is a bent that you, you get in trouble these days when you're like, stereotype, female, male, for sure. But there's for sure generalities. We are made different. In the beginning, God made them male and female. There's a reason the Bible says that. And for sure you can have more masculine females and you can have more feminine males like that. That's for sure true. And there is a bent and an inclination to our, our gender or sex, whatever you want to call it. That. That's absolutely scientific fact. And so, yeah, I think she, my wife specifically is, is bent more towards nurturing. And she was like the other day, she's like, can I please live my dream and feed you ice cream? I'm just like, what? Like, here's the reality. Like, I'm like, when we got married, okay, like I was on steroids. Like, I would, I would, I would like entertain body, you know.
Speaker A
You're taking steroids? That's the first I ever heard that.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker C
True bodybuilding.
Speaker B
Yep. Yeah. Well, I would enter these, like, I wasn't good at it, but I would enter these like contests amongst friends and like most, like lowest percentage body fat and like most muscle gain. And so, you know, at, at the time, yeah, I was just like working out like an animal and yeah, steroids. I mean, you know, we, we, we would have this photo album on our coffee table for a while, like before we had kids and it was like our honeymoon photo album. And then I was like, man, I don't think we can have like, it's like the, was like the least modest thing you can imagine. I don't know. Just like that's who we were. And then like, you, you like that was the most miserable we've ever been. You know, I was thinking about that.
Speaker C
Like in our marriage, seriously, no kids, nothing like.
Speaker B
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker C
Back schedule wise.
Speaker B
Awesome bodies, both vain, both suck about ourselves, you know, selfish. Like, the selfishness is like just like the marriage killer. Contempt is the marriage killer. And, and then, you know, we, we grew in our faith and, and yeah, and your priorities change. And so it's like, man, I know that there's people who's have kids in life and their priority is still eating well and, and working out and all that. But for us, like, our priorities really changed. And I mean, just like I'm in this hospital the other day and like I haven't had a bowel movement in four days. Okay, so you just feel gross and bloated and uncomfortable and everything Hurts. And like, I, I like, go into the bathroom and she's like, out here, my wife is audibly praying to God, the creator of the heavens, the earth, that I have a bowel movement. And I come out of the hospital, I mean, of the bathroom, and she's like, any luck? And I'm like, just. I give her the, the smile and the thumbs up, and she falls to her knees and raises her hands with tears in her eyes, just praising God, right? And, and I just like, in that moment, I'm like, nobody's thinking about that when you're 22. Like, nobody, nobody is. Like, oh, yeah, that's marriage. Like, you're not looking for a trophy wife, you're looking for someone to go to war with you. And, and it's, it's like in these moments, I mean, she's commuting back and forth from Waco to Dallas. She's taking the kids to school, and it's like, man, I get it, dude. If you're a woman and you want to conquer the world and be the CEO, like, man, have at it. Like, God can certainly call you to that and use you in that way. But I just like. And dudes, like, this is for you. Like, find someone you can lock arms with and you, you make a good partnership. Like, that's what you're looking. Because beauty is fleeting, right? Deceitful. Proverbs 31, 30. Charm is deceitful, beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised, and that's eternal. And a woman who is loved, well, she just gets more beautiful with age and time. Like, you just, you just fall. Like, I, I love my wife more today than I ever have. And like, and I mean, she's birthed three kids. The, the things that I found attractive about her when I was a dumb 21 year old. Let me just say this. When I was a stupid 21 year old, like, the things that I just thought were so hot about now are functional. You know, they, they have fed kids and, and everything changes. And I love her way more today than I ever have. And nobody's talking about it. And that's what I'm talking about. I'm not trying to come at you with, with shock value. I'm like, here, here's the reality. Like, half of my body is numb right now. It's like I've got no feeling in, in half my body. And, and she's just like, like, Monica's not like, well, gosh, I, I don't know. You know, I don't know if you're going to be able to protect and provide for me the way I thought. And so maybe I need to look elsewhere. It's like, no, our marriage is secure because it's rooted in something other than the way that we look or health or whatnot. And so I'm just like, find that person.
Speaker C
So what practical things should these 21 year old guys be looking for?
Speaker B
Dude, for the 21 year old guy, it's the easiest thing in the world. Find the godliest woman, you know and propose and like, but what if you don't like her? Yeah, well then that's your, that's a you problem. But what if you don't like the godliest woman you know? Like, that's a you problem. Like, do you like God?
Speaker A
Yeah, but what if she's godly and she likes Pokemon or something? Like, that's not my thing.
Speaker B
Yeah, yeah, well, I don't like, here's the deal. I don't want to be provocative and you don't have to like, you don't have to be a martyr. Take one for the team. But whatever you like when you're 21 is not what you like when you're 31 or when you're 41. It's like, when Monica and I got married, we loved comedy clubs, clubs and cruises. Like, that's what we would tell people. Like, we'd love to go to comedy clubs, we'd love to go to cruises. I, one of us still loves comedy clubs and cruises. She doesn't, she doesn't want to be caught dead on a cruise ship. She doesn't want to get anywhere near comedy club. And she's like, your preferences change, your, your prerogatives change, your interests change. And you're just not thinking about that. And so if you find somebody who really loves God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength and they're going to be a great partner to you. You know, you gotta like, like, you have to understand that Hollywood and Instagram and Tick Tock, they're all feeding you lies. They're feeding you this systematic algorithm which is brainwashing you to be attracted to something that's going to set you up for failure. And so you really have to renew your mind. Do not longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you'll be able to test and approve what God's will is. Think about what that verse says. Do not conform to the patterns of this world. Where the patterns of this world say My. My girl needs to look like a porn star. She needs to be shaped like a porn star. She needs to be down to do everything. We need to be able to have all kinds of wild, crazy sex. Like, that's super fun for about 24 months, and then it's not anymore. And it doesn't. Like, people, like. Like, if that's what it was about, then porn stars would have the most amazing marriages. But as it turns out, they just don't. And in fact, they have some of the highest suicide rates and the highest divorce rates. So it's not that. So just use your head, man. Like, just use your brain. Think about it. Like, all right, who has the most best marriage? Is it the hottest people? Like, who has the best marriage? Oh, gosh. It turns out that people, like, the godliest people have the best marriage. People who are committed to the church, they're plugged in. Like, they're committed to growing and to talking things through. Turns out they have the best marriage. It turns out they have the lowest divorce rate. People who pray together every day, they have the lowest divorce rates. So I'm just like. What I'm saying is it's just logical. Like, use your brain. Somebody is only 23 for a year. They're only 24 for a year. They're only in their 20s for a decade, and then they're in their 30s, and then they're in their 40s. And when you in your. When you turn. When you hit 40, like, things stop working the way they used to. To. And guess what? You still have 50s, 60s, 70s, God willing, 80s. Like, that's a lot of life. Like, that's most of your marriage. Most of your marriage, you're not in your 20s. Most of your marriage, you're not in your 30s. Most of your marriage are 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s, God willing. And the reason that so many people jump ship is because they get married for the wrong reasons. They look for the wrong things. And. And that we just. I'm just so sick of people setting themselves up for failure. I'm genuinely frustrated with men not asking godly women out. Like, stop being stupid. The word I used is stupid. It's the word the proverbs use. Whoever hates correction is stupid. Okay? Stop being that way and start conforming your heart and your mind to what does God find attractive and pursue that. And if you're not there yet, if you're like, but I don't find that attractive, like, that's a you thing, then grow. Like, go through program. Be discipled. Learn the word, renew your mind. Like we're all, we, we can change. Like we can be trained in the ways of God, you know. And so it's just like man, I'm so passionate about that right now. I'm just, I'm like I'm tired. Like I see these amazing God fearing women that are just like feel like they're being passed over by these and guys don't take initiative and like video games or mess with your brain. And girls like here's the deal. If a God fearing man asks you out, give him a shot. You know what changes with time?
Speaker C
What?
Speaker B
Weirdness. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker C
Like, like people get less weird or more weird?
Speaker B
Both.
Speaker C
Both.
Speaker B
I mean both man. Like who is who? Like who is who? They are in their 40s when they, who they were in their 20s. Like I just, I mean like I said I was on steroids and, and bodybuilding and you guys were both like what? It's like I can't even imagine that. It's like because I was a very different guy, you know, I was living for very different things. And, and so it's like people change and like if a dude is like legitimately pursuing Jesus, I mean there's a good chance he's going to have a glow up. I'm just saying, you know what I mean?
Speaker A
But so for the guy like you want to be able to tell your friends, show your family a girl that's like impressive where your, your buddies are gonna be like whoa, you out kicked your coverage, blah, blah blah blah. Like that's, that's kind of the goal.
Speaker B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I, I'm over here.
Speaker C
Like what does out kick your coverage, dude?
Speaker B
I think like I, I, the more, the more I think about this and the longer I live, I think that like spiritual mature dudes get it. And I know you're out there by the way. I'm not trying to say like there's no spiritually mature guys out there, but like spiritually mature, it's like game respects game and, and, and like dude, like someone like a, like someone who's soup. I mean, you know what, like really beautiful women are often really vain. I mean they're very beautiful because they worked really hard to be beautiful. Like they've, they've watched the makeup tutorials and they, they got the, and they, they, they've, you know, they've got the gym membership and they spend a lot of time in the mirror. Really beautiful men are often super vain. I mean like the dudes with with, you know, all the muscles and, and they, they spend a lot of time in the mirror. And, and, and that, that's not, I don't mean to overgeneralize. Like, you can be super beautiful and super godly. You can be super handsome and super godly. I get that. And I think everybody's trying to find that super beautiful, super godly person, that super handsome, super God. Just like, that's a much smaller group. Like, statistically speaking, that's a more difficult group to find. And if you put your crosshairs on, like my first, biggest, most important prerogative is godliness. Like, I just want to find someone super Godly. I'm willing to compromise in other areas. Like we can, I can compromise in other areas. But godliness, that's what I'm most attractive to. And I think game respects game. I think that like your, your God fearing dudes are like, bro, how in the world did you get her? Like, she's gonna be the best wife.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
The best mom. Like, she is so, like, she is so chill. And I, I think that that's gonna happen where like if you, and you know, I'm just like gonna get canceled 16 different ways on this podcast. But if you just go after, you know, the girl who it, you know, looks like a stripper because she is, you know, you know, like your guys are going to be like, wow, she's hot. And, and that's it. You know, that's it. And listen, I pray the grace of God overwhelms her situation and she comes to know Jesus and God knows like that was me, you know, that that's, that's who I was. And, and in a lot of ways who Monica was and. But the grace of God overwhelmed our situation.
Speaker A
So how did. So Monica praying for a bowel movement last week. How does that help you on a normal Tuesday when you're at home? Like, that sounds great while you're in the hospital.
Speaker B
Just like the scripture says, blessed are the pure in heart, you know, for theirs is the kingdom. They will find the kingdom of God and just that's their inheritance. And so yeah, man, I just like, man, I've never once, I've never once been concerned ever. In 20 I celebrated, like, here's the day I celebrated my 21 years of marriage in this hospital. My son turned 13 while I was in this hospital. My daughter went to homecoming. This house, like, I'm missing a lot of big events being here. And in 21 years of marriage, I've never wondered, is Monica having an Affair? Is she cheating on me? Like, I've never. I've never gone to pick up her phone, and she's, like, hesitated. I've never. She's never reached for my phone, and I've been in the slightest bit concerned about what she would see. We keep short accounts with one another. I confess my sin to her. And. And it's. It's beautiful and it's safe, and it's like, man, you just. It's just. It's just priceless, you know? And so, yeah, I think a. A woman that's just. She's just with you in that, you know, I don't have to be embarrassed or ashamed. Like, dude, know, like, I'm not super attractive, okay? Like, I got. I've got two, like, lines coming out of my neck right now. I mean, this. This line right here goes all the way down into my heart. I feel like a sneeze away from meeting Jesus right now. I'm dead serious. And. And so, you know, and, like, she just, like, she genuinely wants to come up here today and care for me. I'm like, find that woman, okay? Like, find that woman. And, like, maybe she's a yoga instructor. Cool. But that's. That's. That's. Take it or leave it, you know?
Speaker C
Well, I'm just thinking, like, if she's praying for you to have a bowel movement while you're in the hospital, chances are, like, she's praying and serving and living this way all the time. Like, your character is revealed in suffering moments. You know? It's not like she's gonna be beautiful and do all these things and. And not pursue the Lord. And then when you're in that needing moment, when you're in the. Like, she just turns it on like that.
Speaker A
She's probably been praying for students who come to know Jesus.
Speaker C
Years and years of her heart growing closer and closer to God and her growing closer to God that she's able to serve in these ways. So I don't know. Like, I feel like we, a lot of times in suffering, reveal who we are and honestly, who the people are around us. And it's awesome that you've married someone who, as she's been revealed more and more, it's just shown someone who's pure in heart.
Speaker B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker C
I'm even thinking of the verse in 1st Samuel where it's like, hey, man, looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. I feel like we have to make God's criteria our criteria. And yet, man, I know a lot of people who don't do that.
Speaker B
It's weird. I'm like, I'm so tired of being careful. Like I just don't, I feel like I don't care anymore. And, and I think we have so over indexed on sexual like our as a culture. And like I was a sex addict. Like if we're new to the game, like you don't know my story. Like man, I was, I was addicted to pornography and, and, and not just pornography. Like I was, I was addicted to sex and, and, and it just, it messed me up so bad. And when you, you get in marriage, you, you know, it's like if you have a healthy sex life, you're doing that like 0.6 of the time. So you gotta be really good at the 99.4% of the. The other stuff. You know, let's say it's 6% of the time. Like, let's just say you're like rabbits, you know, what are you gonna do the other 94 of the time? Like, you'll have to be great at conversation and resolving conflict and doing ministry and, and, and I think there's so many insecure, so much insecurities about that. Like I like every Friday, on Friday Q A someone asks like, man, my, my, my boyfriend had sex with his ex girlfriend. I just can't stop thinking about it, you know, it's like all it does is just create so many insecurities. And, and, and today, like if you're not in the church, I mean, it's like I know there's people that are all about their body count and it's just gotten so weird out there. And I think Satan, it receives that as worship. Like he loves when we abuse each other, especially sexually as an act of work. He receives it as worship, man. And, and it's just like, yeah, I mean like not being careful, you know, I'm just, I'm like again, I'm like kind of paralyzed right now. Like stuff's not working, you know, biologically. And, and I'm just like, I'm not even like, that's not, it's like so safe that it's like not even like a concern. Like it's not even. Like it's never even crossed my mind of like, oh, that, that'd be a bummer. You know what if we couldn't have sex? You know, that would be a bummer. And I'm like, yeah, don't get me wrong, that would be a bummer. Okay, but like for sure, I'm like, docs, you Gotta figure that out. But, but, but at the same time, it's like, it's such a minor aspect of our existence. It's like the least important thing about us in a lot of ways. And you know, again, TMI and I just, I know I'm not being careful and I know that, like, criticism, but it's like. And I mean, we're having. We make love more than I ever have in my entire life.
Speaker C
Also, I bet it's better because if you're truly seeking the Lord, that means you're probably selfless. Like, selfishness is not a characteristic of Fruit of the Spirit. So the more you pursue God, the less selfish you are. And selfish sex isn't good sex. Yeah, it's selfless sex is the best sex. Selfish sex or selfless you become, I would bet your sex life increases.
Speaker B
That's right. Yeah. Selfish sex is not good sex that'll preach all day long.
Speaker A
So in young adult ministry, what I've noticed is a lot of guys are.
Speaker B
Super proud of you for handling that like, like an adult man. You did so well. My boy is growing up. Boys growing up. Kathy over there threw up in her mouth a few times.
Speaker A
So many guys are, are really hesitant.
Speaker B
Husband is in the room, just so you guys know. And just like, that's weird. Still weird. But.
Speaker A
So many guys are so hesitant to ask a girl out because it's like, what if, blah, blah, blah, what if, blah, blah, what if, blah, blah, blah. It's like, I have to find this perfect girl before I even ask her out. Like, would you recommend asking someone out even if you don't know every thing about her?
Speaker B
Yeah, I just, I mean, I'll just say most people get this wrong, okay? Like, most people marry poorly. Like, that's the reality. And that, that's like, that's the facts. Like, most people listening right now, if you learned what to look for from the world, you're going to marry poorly and you're going to regret it. Like, that's just, that's, that's science and facts and mathematics. So if you're. The divorce rate, whatever you want to call it, will go super low and say 45%. That's about the lowest stat I've seen. You want to say 40? Well, whatever you want. There's a whole. So that's, that's almost half. And then you've got this other large number of people that are married undivorced, but they, they're, they're sleeping in separate rooms. They don't even like each other. They're fighting all the time. So that's, that's most marriages. And I'm telling you, if you want a good marriage, learn to be attracted to godliness and you be a godly person, Find a godly person, you will have a godly marriage. It's going to be amazing. And so, yeah, I'm like the dude that's looking for, you know, the, the swimsuit model who leads her Bible studies and is getting her thm at seminary and going on mission trips for fun. I mean, you. I'm not surprised. You're, you know, 35, still looking. Just not. Good luck.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker B
But blessings to you, man.
Speaker A
Hearing, talking to young adults who've gotten to be with. Talk to you. And you. You giving them dating advice. You're so blunt. And it's. And it's always so helpful because I'm tired of.
Speaker B
I'm tired of being careful. I'm tired of being politically correct. I'm tired of. It's not, it's not getting us to a good place. Like, we're not getting better at this. The more personalities tests and dating apps and Swipe left and Swipe right and matchmaking services and all of that. Like, I mean, literally, like, I've. I've put my money where my mouth is on this. I'm like, I'm trying to come up with a solution on this deal because I. I see the problem is so, so big.
Speaker C
I just feel like I'm constantly talking to really amazing women who love God and would make the most incredible moms. And they're single.
Speaker A
Okay. Totally. Sure. Like, and, and being in young adult ministry, there's a lot of guys where I'm like, we've tried with her, and she's also looking. It's, it's, it's the same thing.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker A
Like, she's also.
Speaker B
I'm.
Speaker A
I don't make six figures, and I don't. And I don't have a six pack, and I don't have this. And that's why she's single.
Speaker B
Yeah. Six figures in a six pack is super overrated.
Speaker C
Totally.
Speaker B
You heard it here first. I guess. Guess who made six figures and had a six pack when they got married? This guy. And we were miserable, man, like, totally.
Speaker A
Able to afford stuff. Like, you. Like, that's not a bad thing to want them.
Speaker B
Let's just say he makes 32 and you make 32, and together y' all make 64. It's like, man, I just watched this Francis Chan video. He made 30. They made. They lived off 35. 000. And in San Diego you know and, and. And there's. There's ways to make that right and like to trust in the Lord and you know I mean when Monica married me I mean this is 20 years ago. Like I was bawling. I'm not. I'm not trying to like flex.
Speaker A
I mean just which building was it.
Speaker B
Truly like you could see our penthouse condo from this hospital room. And and then I. You know when I was called into ministry I went. She. She got pregnant. She was going to stay home and I was called to ministry and I went making 40. And so it was dual income. Kid on the. I mean we went from dual income. No kids. Yeah. In Dallas went from dual income no kids to kid on the way. And. And of you know sharing a forty thousand dollar salary and. And it was beautiful man. Like I'm not saying it was easy but it was great. You know. Look that. That's the reality. And so it's possible. I just. That's what I would say. It's possible if you marry the right person. Person. It's possible. The wrong person. It's miserable.
Speaker A
I just want to be on the guy's team at some level to be like there's a lot of frustrated guys.
Speaker B
Totally. Yeah. It's a female problem too. I mean there's a lot of girls out there that are looking for the unicorn dude.
Speaker C
And I'm just like if you marry a godly guy I just trust that God will grow that attraction to them. Like honestly you've said this before but I'll say it. You haven't said in this episode. It's like we only get uglier as we grow. Like our body parts start to change.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker C
And I'm confident. I don't look the way I did when we got married. Matt doesn't look the way we did. And I'm more attracted to him now. I think he looks good. But I'm just saying like maybe by the world standards a 37 year old body doesn't look the way a 17 or 21 year old. Whatever is appropriate. Anyways. All I'm saying is body change.
Speaker A
You got married when you were 17.
Speaker C
I was panicking. I was like 37.
Speaker B
She's like math, Math.
Speaker C
Math is hard. All I'm saying is like what's attractive to me is I had an event last week that I was in charge of. Late night. I get home at 10 o'. Clock. He's still up cleaning the house because he wanted me to come home and have like a Clean house and not have to do it.
Speaker A
And it's so big that it's so no wonder he had to stay up all night.
Speaker B
Find that guy.
Speaker C
That's what you're looking for. And I believe and trust God. Like, I don't know that attraction will only grow if you're pursuing God and you're attracted to the things that he's attracted to.
Speaker B
I mean, people change. Like, nobody, like nobody is who they are when they're 23. I mean, they're just not man. I mean, and genetics are strong. You know, he's gonna look like his dad, she's gonna look like her mom. Like, that's probably how this goes.
Speaker C
And if they're not pursuing God, their heart's only going to change in a negative way too. Like it's gonna get uglier. You don't want to be married to a, a selfish person, an inconsiderate person.
Speaker B
It's so, gosh, I'm like, I could go like hours on this. We put so much emphasis on the wrong thing and we totally miss the right thing. And then you, you invest in the wrong thing and it just reaps these horrible dividends like you get in marriage. Like a self centered marriage. And it is, that is the worst place in the world to be. Like, let me just say it plainly, okay? The most attractive person to you in the entire world. If you married them and they're selfish, that's going to be an awful marriage. The, the person who is least attractive, you're least attracted to in the entire world. But they're, but they're like, they have like a God fearing confidence about them. They love God. Like that will be way better of a marriage than marriage a all day long. Like, prove me wrong. Like, let's go, go toe to toe. Like, and I get it. You're like, but why do I, you know, that's two extremes. Why can't I have both? And I'm like, you can, but just be careful about how much time you give yourself to find both. Like just, you know, like there's somebody super godly if you're, if you're a believer, if you're a God fearing person, there's some God fearing person around you, around your age of the opposite sex that you can like start a great marriage with. But they're like, there are, stay committed to them people.
Speaker A
Like even, even on our staff, it's like, I think all of our staff are believers. And it's like there are people on staff that I would rather hang out with and others on staff that we just don't have as much in common with.
Speaker B
Like. Right.
Speaker A
I. I would rather choose to spend the rest of my life with someone who I want to hang out with.
Speaker B
Yeah, yeah, I get, I mean, that's great. That's great. I mean, I get it. And I'm, I don't, I don't want to argue just for the sake of argument. Like, I don't, I have no problem with that. Like. Sure. And you, you just don't know. Like, okay, so if you marry somebody and they go through, like, severe depression, do you still enjoy spending time with them?
Speaker A
Yeah. Right.
Speaker B
You know what I'm saying? Like, their brain stops producing serotonin and all of a sudden they're just kind of miserable. They hate life, they're suicidal. Like, are you out? And that might happen.
Speaker A
Right.
Speaker B
And postpartum is a real thing. You have kids and your brain, your brain changes, man. And so, you know, it's like, I always talk about that, that couple, they. They're four days in on their honeymoon, and she's paralyzed from the neck down, you know, and it's like he, but he. Four days before, he said, for richer, poor, sickness health, till death do us part. It's like, if you just think about it like the world does, then he's out. Everybody's gonna tell him, hey, you should start over this, you know, tough break you got in a second chance. But he's like, no, this is what I signed up for. Like, the beauty of caring for my bride. So you have to have a right understanding of marriage and what it is. Like, marriage is teaching us about the bridegroom of Jesus, that Jesus is married to the church. Like, it is a metaphor. Ephesians 5. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Wives, submit to your. To your own husbands. Like, it's showing us a picture of the way that Christ Jesus loves us and gave himself for us. Like, this is like, marriage is about sacrifice and sanctification. Is there fun in there? Yes. When you embrace the sacrifice and sanctification, it's a lot of fun. When you pursue selfishness, self centeredness, it is going to be the worst thing ever. Like, torture, absolute torture.
Speaker A
What would you say for the person who's doing all the quote unquote, right things? Like, I feel like there's a lot of those people in our young adult ministry where it's like, you are serving, you do love Jesus. You are in a life group and you are single and you don't want to be single.
Speaker B
Yeah. And you're going to die and you're going to get heaven and you won't even. No, you don't even remember if you're single or not. And you're going to be there for not just a hundred years, but a hundred thousand, a hundred billion, trillion years. You know, infinity. And I know it seems like a really big deal now. Like, the Lord's forgotten you and he just hasn't. And so don't lower your standards, lengthen your patience. Don't settle for someone less than godliness. The entire narrative of the scripture, Genesis to Revelation is, you know, it starts saying that the world is formless and void. God begins to form and fill the earth. He creates humans in his image and says, be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. Continue to form and fill the earth. So God is consistently, he's like, don't marry among the Canaanites. Be my people and live among my people, and marry my people and then produce my people and raise them to know me. Like, this has always been God's plan. Like, God fearing people, finding each other, having babies, raising those babies to know him, them. Like, this is God's plan. And so as a single person, you can do that through discipleship. The Great Commission, going to all the nations, making disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Matthew 28. And so we can live out the Great Commission either in our families, like having lots of babies or, or making lots of disciples. But like, this is God. This is the most important calling on our lives. It's not like, you know, experience all the pleasure, like, soak the world up for, like, suck all the pleasure you can out of the world. Because those, they, they, they're sick, they're narcissists, they're broken, they're hurt, they're wounded.
Speaker C
You know, And I know that there's women out there that are like, well, but if I settle, marry someone who's kind of a believer, will go to church with me, like, whatever. At least I get to be a mom.
Speaker B
Yeah.
Speaker C
I'm like, man, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. I have talked to so many women lately who are in marriages with non believers, and it is a miserable life. It is better to be single.
Speaker B
So why, like, that's, that's like the least motherly thing you could do is child who's going to be raised in part by someone who's not pursuing Jesus. You know, like, that's, that's not a Great motherly outcome. And, and, and like grace, like if that's you and you made that decision, like grace, grace, grace, grace upon grace. But don't make it your strategy. Like I know that if that's you, you certainly wish you could Talk to your 22 year old self and say don't do it. And that's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker C
That's good. This is helpful. Yeah, man, you guys should really listen.
Speaker B
There was something else I was gonna say and I can't, can't remember what it was but man, hopefully just hear like sincerity, passion. I know there's things in there. It's gonna be like, gosh, why did you say that? And that's tmi and well, you know, because I care about you guys, man. I just, I want to have real honest conversations about this and I think this is where we are most off. We are, we have been most led astray by the world. And so just use your brain, use your brain. Like anybody, like I will step into any debate ring on this topic. I don't say that out of arrogance. It's just something I've given a lot of thought to. And there's God fearing Christian people who disagree with me and like I'm ready for the conversation. Truly.
Speaker C
It's really good. This is helpful.
Speaker A
What about someone who's like, I don't really want to get married. Like I've seen my parents marriage.
Speaker B
Oh dude. Paul says, I wish you were as I am. First Corinthians 7, like if you can. Matthew 19. Jesus says, There are some who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. If you can stay single for the sake of the kingdom, praise God. That's a very noble high calling. That was the calling of Jesus Christ himself. That was a calling, at least later in life of the apostle Paul. That is a very noble calling. So it's awesome. But don't then be home looking at porn and masturbating and you know, or going outside of, of of your marriage. You know, a marriage that doesn't exist, like that that's a call of celibacy. And there's a lot of like, man, some people that's like, they really struggle with same sex attraction. They're just not attracted to the opposite sex and they are celibate for the sake of the kingdom. And I think that's a man, a beautiful thing. And then there's other people that are attracted to, to the opposite sex and they're celibate for the sake of the kingdom. I think that's a beautiful calling, man. Great. I love it. Well, guys, thanks for letting us have this conversation.
Speaker C
We talked to you. You're not in a hospital bed.
Speaker B
Yeah, I'm not. I will just say, like, I'm not drugged. They're gonna be like, dude, he was. He was on something. I'm not on anything. I'm not on any medication. And I'm just. You just. You just gain perspective. When you've been in the hospital for 13 days, you gain perspective. And I'm just trying to share that perspective with you. And if it's godly, I pray it stir in your heart. And if there's anything I said that's just the flesh and it's not godly, dismiss it. But we love you guys. Thanks for listening.
Speaker C
Bye.
Speaker A
Thanks for tuning in to Becoming Some Something where we promise to keep the conversation honest and real for young adults in their 20s and 30s. Every moment we live is training for a future moment. And that's why we do this podcast, because we want you to be prepared for everything that life is going to throw at you. Our hope with this podcast is that it would help you become all that God desires you to be. To find out more, visit becoming something.com SAM.