3 Things a Pediatric ER Doctor Would Never Let Her Kids Do

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 The following podcast is a deer media production.

spk_0 Parenting comes with a million moments where you panic.

spk_0 Is this normal? Do I need to call the doctor? Do I need to go to the ER right now?

spk_0 And then the biggest question I think we all have is, am I screwing this up?

spk_0 Have I ruined my kids? Today's guest is the person who has built an entire

spk_0 career out of answering those questions and reminding us to breathe.

spk_0 If you've seen her pop up on your feed, you know exactly what I mean.

spk_0 Dr. Beatsgem is funny. She's real. She's wildly smart. And she has this rare gift of holding

spk_0 both the science and the chaos of real life at the exact same time. I have been dying to have

spk_0 this conversation. And you're going to walk away feeling lighter, braver, and so much more

spk_0 equipped as a parent after this episode.

spk_0 Welcome to After Bedtime, where the house is finally quiet, but the real noise begins,

spk_0 the thoughts, the questions, the wondering if you're doing any of this right.

spk_0 We're Kristen. And Dina, child behavior experts, moms, and co-founders of big little feelings.

spk_0 And we're not here to give you more pressure or perfect parenting energy.

spk_0 Nope, we're here to tell the truth. The unfiltered, beautiful, brutal truth about what it means to

spk_0 raise kids and re-raise ourselves in the process. Because parenting isn't just about sleep schedules

spk_0 and snack acts, it's about healing. It's about breaking cycles. It's about becoming the kind of

spk_0 adult you want your kids to grow up to be. This is the place where we say the quiet parts out loud.

spk_0 And we're so glad that you're here. I'm so excited for our guest today. I have spent way too many

spk_0 hours staring at her face. I'm not going to lie to you. This is Dr. Megan Martin, known online as Dr.

spk_0 Beach Gem 10. And if you don't recognize that handle name, you do. Look it up real quick,

spk_0 because you have seen her on your algorithm, on your feed. She's a board-certified pediatric

spk_0 emergency medicine physician, mom of four, and a trusted voice in family health education.

spk_0 She began creating content on TikTok during COVID-19 pandemic, probably where you first saw her,

spk_0 to help parents navigate medical information in a clear, compassionate,

spk_0 accessible way. And now she has nearly seven million followers, which makes me so happy she

spk_0 deserves it. Dr. Martin actively practices in pediatric emergency care, treating critically ill

spk_0 and injured children, whether she's in the ER, sharing disaster preparedness tips, or kids summer

spk_0 safety tips, juggling life with kids and her cats. Dr. Martin leads with authenticity and

spk_0 heart. She's a doctor, she's a wife, she's a mom, just like most of us listening, and she is

spk_0 committed to helping families feel informed, empowered and seen. Welcome to the pod, welcome to

spk_0 after bedtime. Thank you. That sounds like a really cool person. I'm like, oh, who's that?

spk_0 I'm just me. Okay. I have no doubt in my mind that that is you. You know, you see creators

spk_0 sometimes or whoever it may be, and you're like, I wonder if that, you seem like you're you.

spk_0 Are you? Yeah, 100%. How did you even, let's just start? How did you even, did you fall into

spk_0 content creation, being an emergency physician doctor? Like, how did you just get going on that?

spk_0 Yeah, it was completely accidental. I did not, I didn't download TikTok and say, I'm going to

spk_0 be a big creator. You know, I downloaded it during the pandemic, just like everyone else did,

spk_0 and I started seeing some videos that I was like, oh, that's not right. Or I could explain that

spk_0 a little bit better. And so I started making videos. And you know, it's, it's social media where you

spk_0 like, you're kind of consistent. Then you get this like bump up of followers, you get a viral

spk_0 video, and then you go on along and another viral video comes up. So it's just been like,

spk_0 you know, one day at a time, and you know, we'll see what happens next. And as the, you know,

spk_0 days, months, years of progressed, I've continued to a mass of following and I've continued to make

spk_0 videos. And I think people are very receptive to my communication style, which I think is pretty

spk_0 cool, because you know, talking in layman's terms is something I feel very comfortable with.

spk_0 And I think for me, it's layman's terms that we can all understand it. But you're, how do I

spk_0 extremely non-judgmental in a space parenting, you know, it can be really one way or the other,

spk_0 especially for anything to go viral. It needs to be this really extreme version. You seem to be

spk_0 somebody who's very authentic, very vulnerable, very non-judgmental, yet delivering the facts.

spk_0 Yeah. I think being a mom and have, you know, feeling the judge, I think as parents, even if you're

spk_0 not what we're doing or we're doing the right thing or not. And I think as a parent,

spk_0 creating content to be like, oh, I don't want people to feel bad or, you know, think I'm coming

spk_0 after them. Like, I really want them to be receptive to that. And I think that the way to do it is

spk_0 to create content that's compassionate and understanding that, you know, as parents, we don't know

spk_0 what we're doing. At least that's what we feel like. And so, you know, the content I feel like

spk_0 addresses that. Yeah. So you're a mom of four. How old are your kids? They are high school,

spk_0 middle school, and two elementary kids. I had kids in med school residency fellowship and

spk_0 as an attending. So we kind of span the whole realm of it all the way from, you know, just

spk_0 out of kindergarten all the way up through high school. How tired are you? And how do you do that?

spk_0 I mean, is there a secret here? No. The secret is to not do it. If that, I don't want to say it

spk_0 like that. But the secret is I have so much support and I delegate so well, like I need you to do

spk_0 this. I need you to do this. I have a very supportive partner. My husband was laid off on April

spk_0 full stay, which I still think is like, that's fun. Like who lays someone off on April full stay?

spk_0 Like, so he's not working right now. So his sole job is like taking care of the kids, managing

spk_0 all of their activities, which has really just been a blessing. And then we also have a nanny that

spk_0 comes in the afternoon that she's been with us for seven years now, either her or her daughter,

spk_0 they kind of switch off in the afternoon that helps with pickups and drop offs and activities as

spk_0 well in the afternoon. So we, I have a tremendous amount of support. And that's literally how I get

spk_0 everything done. That is super helpful to know because I think most of us just wonder how we're

spk_0 doing it all and how we're doing it wrong. And when you see the person who is online and how are

spk_0 they doing that and you're juggling content creation, you're juggling, being in your dog,

spk_0 who four kids, I must be failing. It takes, it takes help. Yeah. And I don't have a clean house if

spk_0 anyone was wondering. I show my house in the background all the time. Like there's dirty laundry,

spk_0 there's dishes. It's not clean. And that's okay. Like I don't need to live in a clean house.

spk_0 Like I've got two full-time jobs and four kids and four cats. And like we're going to keep it clean

spk_0 enough. Like it's not on sanitary, but like it's a little cluttered and that's okay. It's okay to

spk_0 have clutter. Let's have everybody have permission that's listening to have a house that's clean

spk_0 enough for an ER doctor's standards. That is not mean clutter. You know what I mean? That's how my

spk_0 house rolls is like we can be clean. We can be sanitary and there's going to be clutter. There's

spk_0 kids there. There's kids. That makes me feel really happy. I think maybe that's why we like you so

spk_0 much too. Sometimes we do see it's just regular, regular old content. And I'm like that's my house.

spk_0 Like that's what I look like. That's you know, it's just it's so needed. As this is this is my

spk_0 selfish question for you. As an ER doctor, pediatric ER doctor, what are three things that you would

spk_0 never let your kids do? Oh boy. So this is tough. And I will say here's here's my my little

spk_0 asterisk before I say anything is my viewpoint is through risk colored glasses, not rose colored

spk_0 glasses risk. All I see is the bad stuff at work. And so when I say things, I'm saying it because

spk_0 I see these bad things. E-bikes, my kids are not going to ride bikes. They're they're not like

spk_0 we just see so many injuries right now with ebikes. I would say that when it comes to trampolines,

spk_0 I try to avoid them altogether, but I don't want to limit my kids to degrees. So there's a lot

spk_0 of things that we put like some limitations on. I'm going to let you jump for a little bit. We're

spk_0 never going to own a trampoline, but I'm going to let you jump for a little bit, not with anyone

spk_0 else on the trampoline. And you're not going to do flips. Those are you know, those are some boundaries,

spk_0 some ground rules with that. What do you see on trampolines? I mean, we don't have to get too in

spk_0 detail here, but I put my husband this a thousand times and he thinks I'm a fun a fun sucker,

spk_0 but like a quick 30 second. What is the trampoline problem?

spk_0 The vast majority of the trampoline injuries that we see and we see a lot of them are lower leg

spk_0 fractures. In toddlers, we actually named a fracture a trampoline fracture because it's like

spk_0 we don't see it very often and the only time we see it is with trampolines. And then you can see a

spk_0 variety of other fractures as well just from like jumping and doing flips like head injuries, neck

spk_0 injuries, even breaking your chest bone or your sternum, which is really hard to do and really

spk_0 painful. So there's just a ton of injuries on trampolines. We see them very regularly. So

spk_0 I do my best to try to avoid, but double bouncing is the reason that a lot of the kids have the

spk_0 leg fractures. So if it's only one person that trampoline on a time you're decreasing that risk.

spk_0 Number three, I think anything without a helmet, you know, we see ATVs. I mean, we don't see them

spk_0 in my practice currently, but when I lived in New York, we would see like snowbow meals and a lot of

spk_0 times people hitting trees and the head injuries that we see with bikes and trampolines, like

spk_0 bikes and ATVs and all of these things. The head injuries are tremendous. And if you just

spk_0 been wearing a helmet, like we could have avoided all of the lifelong problems that we're going to

spk_0 have. So if we're moving faster than our feet, you're going to have something on your head to

spk_0 protect it. And even you're talking, let's say we're a little toddler, two years old, three years old

spk_0 on those little bikes that they're just kind of waddling around. You know, I think it gets them in

spk_0 the habit of understanding that we need to wear a helmet on a bike. The risk of a, you know,

spk_0 a two-year-old who's totalling on, you know, something is pretty low. But once they do start getting

spk_0 a little bit faster, all of a sudden now we're starting to put a helmet on. They're going to go, no,

spk_0 I haven't done this before. I don't want to do this. So I think getting them used to, the bike

spk_0 means helmet, even as a two-year-old, they can start to understand. And if you get them a cool helmet

spk_0 and you put stickers on, sometimes they're excited to wear them. So starting that early of

spk_0 associating, you know, bike helmet. I love the, if you're moving faster than your feet,

spk_0 you're putting a helmet on. Blanket for all kids of all ages. That seems, that seems reasonable to me.

spk_0 Then there's no argument, there's no pushback. It's a really clear line in the sand, you know,

spk_0 no matter what you're writing. Such a weird question that I'm going to ask you. What about golf carts?

spk_0 Is this something, tell me. So golf carts, a couple years ago, three, two, three years ago,

spk_0 we were seeing so many golf cart injuries. Like so many kids driving golf carts, they would crash,

spk_0 like usually taking a turn, hit some sand, so many rollovers. We saw head injuries. We saw

spk_0 patients not make it fractures, internal injuries, like so many golf cart injuries. Here in Florida,

spk_0 they put a law in place that said, you know, it has to be street legal to be on the street. So you

spk_0 have to have like seat belts and stuff like that. And you had to be 16 or older to drive the golf carts.

spk_0 And I will tell you the number of golf cart injuries I've seen has plummeted. We see a handful

spk_0 now when we were seeing them pretty much daily before this law went into place. So thrilled that

spk_0 like a little bit of legislation made a huge difference in protecting kids. That's awesome. And

spk_0 then those are the physical as an ER doctor, what you are worried about or what you would never let

spk_0 your kids do as somebody who is in a space that's very physical. Do you also worry about your

spk_0 children in a social emotional way or if we kind of let that go because we're like, talk to me,

spk_0 are you giving me an instant reaction of like, hmm, so talk to me. I have teenagers and the world we

spk_0 live in is a different place than when I grew up and the social pressures and the social media

spk_0 pressures, even if they're not on social media. And all of the things that are happening in this

spk_0 world right now, there's a lot of social emotional things that I get concerned about. And my little

spk_0 kids even I know that they're hearing the things that are happening. And so I really make a point,

spk_0 especially having four kids and two jobs, it can be tough, but I really try to make a point of

spk_0 touching base with each one regularly and just one on one to really just be like, where you at,

spk_0 what's going on? What do you, is there anything stressing you out and really addressing those

spk_0 because it is so important things can get out of hand so quickly, especially with the teenagers

spk_0 and just making sure that we're in a good space because man, the pressures today are just crazy.

spk_0 Do they have social media your your high school ones? No. What is your stance on that?

spk_0 We have a stance that the phones that my teenagers have are not their phones, they're my phone.

spk_0 And so at any point I can take it away and look at anything. It's not invading your privacy because

spk_0 it's my phone that you're using. We do have a privacy protection app on it so it's monitoring

spk_0 things in the background, but these kids are smart and they know how to get around them.

spk_0 So we do we do have a rule that there's no social media. We've had times that they have tried to

spk_0 skirt those rules. And again, it's really important that I'm in the background going going

spk_0 through the phone and going, oh, nope, I found this. So these are the consequences now related to

spk_0 that. So super important to be really involved in whatever our kids are doing just because that

spk_0 frontal lobe is not developed and they're making decisions that really could have lasting impacts.

spk_0 And are you seeing that like in the ER or just in your medical community? I mean, I think I'm

spk_0 starting to enter that age. She my oldest is turning nine. So I'm not there yet, which is I think

spk_0 good. I hope there can be some regulations at all before we really get there. It's sort of crazy

spk_0 what your teenagers are living through right now. What are you seeing? Whether that's in the ER or

spk_0 just in the medical community when it comes to phones, social media and the impact on these kids?

spk_0 You know, being an ER for kids, we do see a lot of mental health situations develop a lot of

spk_0 them are in in the situation where it's we've reached an emergency. We've reached a critical point

spk_0 or there have been decisions made that impact that their physical health after their mental health.

spk_0 And so a lot of this is related to bullying. It's related to things that are happening on social media.

spk_0 It's related to, you know, stress is at school. And so we are seeing a lot of the fall out of

spk_0 social media and things that are happening and bullying is really a such a big deal. You know,

spk_0 as a teenager, you're looking through this near-sighted lens. You don't have the far-sighted lens yet.

spk_0 And, you know, everything is magnified and all of those impacts feel really, really strong and

spk_0 intense. And so, you know, the bullying, the got a bad grade, the breakup with a significant other

spk_0 partner, they're huge deals. And so we end up seeing a lot of the fall out. And we have very

spk_0 limited mental health resources and pediatrics, unfortunately. So even when parents say, oh, I see

spk_0 there's a problem here and I want to address it, the resource is trying to find ways to address it

spk_0 can be difficult. That's shocking to me somehow. I shouldn't be shocking, but that's somehow shocking.

spk_0 So your job when these kids come in is to assess what is happening, assess what is going on,

spk_0 you're seeing these kids, you're under covering the why. I imagine you're actually pretty good at this

spk_0 in terms of many of the doctors that are in there considering you have four kids. How does this

spk_0 impact you as a mom of four? Because I'll just say, and this is probably a blanket statement,

spk_0 and maybe you won't like it or maybe a lot of people won't like it. I think my experiences with

spk_0 emergency doctors is very fast clinical. And it makes a lot of sense. It's very depersonalized,

spk_0 very dehumanized because they just have to get, they got to get to the next one. And also,

spk_0 you're seeing so much horrible shit. I don't know if you're a swear, but you're seeing horrible,

spk_0 horrifying shit. So I understand that disconnect. What about when these kids are coming in, when they

spk_0 are suffering, when they are, are you going in and being a bit more on their human level and trying

spk_0 to unpacked? Or is it difficult because you just need to kind of get in there, get your job

spk_0 assessing, get out? Yeah, I think every case is a little bit different. And it's pretty easy to

spk_0 tell in the beginning how open that kid is going to be or how open even that family is going to be

spk_0 to talking about some things. Because we're asking some really intimate questions, you know,

spk_0 is there any history of mental illness in the family? What mental illnesses? Who had them?

spk_0 Is there any issues with suicide or anything in the family has? What has the kid been exposed to?

spk_0 Are there any issues? Is there fighting at home that the kid has been exposed to? And so,

spk_0 you know, we're asking a lot of really personal questions. And so a lot of times, you know,

spk_0 an ER where you can hear, you know, the naked person running down the hallway and there's a fight

spk_0 in another room and there's a thing going off. It's really hard to like get that good connection

spk_0 with someone. So in the ER, my first priority is going to be physical safety for everyone. And so

spk_0 if there has been, you know, an attempt and overdose or something like that, we're going to address

spk_0 these medical issues first. I'm going to ask some kind of superficial questions about

spk_0 mental health stuff. But once we kind of get to the point where from a physical standpoint,

spk_0 we are safe now. We're going to start to dive into some of the other stuff. What are some of the

spk_0 triggers for this? And then we also have things like we have people like social workers, child life.

spk_0 We've got our nursing staff who are also kind of digging in asking some questions. Our social

spk_0 workers are really incredible about this as well. Because they have the time to really sit and

spk_0 ask more questions and ask, they, you know, they do this so often that they're asking some of the

spk_0 better questions that I'm asking. And then we're making a plan for we're either safety planning

spk_0 or we're moving forward to try to find somewhere that they can get a psychiatric evaluation more

spk_0 urgently. And how does this affect you as a mom coming home at the end of the day? I mean, I know

spk_0 in the whole spectrum when they were little, did it really affect you when you saw something that

spk_0 was really affecting small children and head injuries and head traumas. And then now I imagine

spk_0 with teenagers, the idea of because we know how prevalent it is. We know we're in an all-time

spk_0 epidemic of anxiety and depression amongst our youth. How is this affecting you when you come home?

spk_0 So as a near doctor, I have to become an expert at compartmentalization because if I see one bad

spk_0 case, I still have 20 more patients that I need to take care of before I go home and, you know,

spk_0 really work on coping with all of this other stuff. And so if I have something that is traumatic or

spk_0 I have to give a bad diagnosis or bad news, I take my moment, I go into the bathroom, I cry for a

spk_0 minute, then I wash my face, I put on a decent face and I go to the next patient who's upset because

spk_0 they had to wait an hour extra, you know, they've been waiting for their results that they can see on

spk_0 the app. They know their results are back, but I didn't come into the room and so they're really upset.

spk_0 Oh, wow. Because they're getting their results on their phone immediately. As soon as I'm getting

spk_0 them, they're getting them, but I had to deal with this other situation and they're upset now.

spk_0 And so I have to come in after saying whatever I said to someone else and say, you know,

spk_0 I'm really sorry that you had to wait. These are the results. It's really like to do about them.

spk_0 And, you know, I need to be totally focused on them now rather than this other situation that I

spk_0 had to deal with seven minutes ago. You have to shove your humanity down a little bit. I mean,

spk_0 you can't walk in there. You know, we have a bad day at the office and sometimes one of us can walk in

spk_0 and be like, sorry, Dale, you know, I'm dealing with the spreadsheet over here, but you can't just walk

spk_0 in and be like, I just had to, you know, deliver XYZ news. You're fine. You can chill. You can never

spk_0 say that. Obviously, clearly, no, wow. So you have to, you really have to give your entire focus

spk_0 to that next patient and all of those other patients that come after. But I do take the scene at

spk_0 grout homes sometimes where I just need a minute to just let's let it out and then deal with the

spk_0 home stuff because who knows who had a bad grade and who had a bad day and so we have to deal with

spk_0 this stuff now. And then when they go to school the next day, I'm going to go for a long bike ride

spk_0 and I'm going to do some journaling and I'm going to do what I have to do to cope with all of these things.

spk_0 But, you know, this little box that we hide everything in, you know, if there's things that start

spk_0 to trigger and start to open that box, like sometimes it can be harder to kind of rain things in,

spk_0 but at work, box closed, move on. Yeah. Do you ever have to explain to your kids or husband

spk_0 after a particularly, you know, horrific case or something that you saw, I've ever had to come home and

spk_0 just say, I just, you know, I need the night or I need I need space or whatever it might be. Yeah,

spk_0 my husband, we've been together for 20 years now. So he knows we did this whole med school

spk_0 residency thing together. Like he, I can walk in and be like, nope. And he's like, got it. Let's go. We'll do

spk_0 this with the kids. It's a little harder because they live in this community and they may have

spk_0 connections to whatever happened. And so I have to be really careful because we've got these

spk_0 hippo laws and patients and families do deserve privacy in addition to the laws. And so I have to

spk_0 be really careful about what I say and the things that I talk about, even in your shot of the kids

spk_0 because I don't want them going to school and saying, oh, my mom took care of so and so and this

spk_0 is what happened. So I have to be a little careful because they don't have the discernment that,

spk_0 you know, my husband, I can be vague and he gets it. And but they don't, they don't have that

spk_0 discernment and they don't have that in understanding really of there's rules and we have to just

spk_0 keep our mouth shut kind of thing. Of course.

spk_0 If you're worried about your child's communication development, you are not alone. Honestly,

spk_0 I think this is something that all parents tend to worry about. Like is my toddler on time with

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spk_0 To shift to something a little more positive. I asked you about three things you would never let

spk_0 your kids do. What are three things that you see parents are so incredibly worried about

spk_0 that as a physician, you could maybe give them permission to release where it's like, you know

spk_0 what? Because I see this trend of like everyone is so worried about this. This is not a thing. We

spk_0 can let this go. I think the biggest one is feeding babies. And it's the whole spectrum of like the

spk_0 feeding the feeding babies. And so, you know, in the beginning, we all want the best for a baby. And

spk_0 I know a lot of moms want to give breast milk and breast feed. And in the beginning, sometimes,

spk_0 you know, the babies got bad jaundice and they're losing weight and we just need to get something

spk_0 into them for their health. And so, I know this is a priority and let's work on it together. But for

spk_0 now, for the next two hours, let's give a little bit of pumped milk or let's give a little bit of

spk_0 formula or let's just give the baby something so that we can avoid having to do all of these

spk_0 other things like admitting and IVs and and stuff like that. So I think feeding babies,

spk_0 it's just so important. Like we need to do it. And it doesn't entirely matter how it happens

spk_0 because when they get to kindergarten, there's still going to be bright and excited and stuff like that.

spk_0 And I even when it's, you know, you're moving to the next stage and feeding solids, there's a lot of

spk_0 like baby-led weaning purays, like how we're doing that. Just make sure baby gets fed. Do lots of

spk_0 things like diversity of textures. You can do that with different ways, the what actually what

spk_0 actually is being fed to them. There's so many different ways to do this. But, you know, making sure

spk_0 that they're getting lots of diversity in their diet is the biggest thing that I care about,

spk_0 especially from like an allergy development standpoint. But treat the babies. And when they get to

spk_0 kindergarten, it doesn't matter if they started with squash or bananas. Feed the babies. They are

spk_0 all going to be looking cheetos off the floor. And kindergarten and as teenagers, I mean, it just gets,

spk_0 you know, you're just at a certain point, I think we all stop caring. I don't know if anybody in,

spk_0 you know, maybe first grade, if they're still the oldest, but like as much as we stressed, and I was

spk_0 the first one to stress about this, you just don't, I mean, there is nothing. My child had a

spk_0 had cake for breakfast today, but I made sure she had a hard boiled egg first, you know, because we're

spk_0 going to school. So one day it's not going to kill you. I love that. So feed the babies formula.

spk_0 What was that one of your struggles or what was one of your struggles? And we have to get back to

spk_0 the other two. But what was one of your struggles that you wish you could go back and say that

spk_0 didn't matter at all. That didn't matter. I really think for me, part of it was the breast feeding.

spk_0 And I was, again, I was in med school for my first one in residency, for my second one. And

spk_0 my med school baby, I started residency when she was six months old. And if you know about what

spk_0 intern in residency is, it's 80 hour work weeks, four days off a month. And that's not four days.

spk_0 It's only four 24 hour periods. So it may be six a.m. one day to six a.m. the next day you have

spk_0 off. So it's not even like a really a day. And trying to, I really wanted to give her breast

spk_0 milk. And I really wanted to breastfeed. And really once I started work, she no longer wanted to

spk_0 like latch on. She wanted to take bottles. And then I wasn't getting a lot of supply. And

spk_0 my residency wasn't super like, oh, yeah, why don't you take every four hours and go pump. And,

spk_0 and you know, we're rounding for eight hours. And I'm leaking through my shirt. And I was like,

spk_0 this is not, this is not going well. And that's just, it's residency's hard for everyone. So I,

spk_0 I had a lot of shame. And we got a lecture from somebody who's really high up works with the AAP,

spk_0 breastfeeding. And I'm sitting in the front row as they're talking about the importance of breast

spk_0 milk. And really trying all these benefits of breast milk and actually breastfeeding on the breast.

spk_0 And I'm sitting here just, I felt so much shame, you know, as, and I'm a, I'm a pediatrician.

spk_0 So, yeah, you know, for me, I had a lot of like, guilt and feelings about that. And for my other babies,

spk_0 I was like, all breastfeeding, all breast milk. I was, and none of my other kids got any formula

spk_0 because of all that shame that I felt. And I just like, I put myself through so much. And the first one

spk_0 grew the best out of all the kids. Like the rest of them. I've got two on growth hormone. And,

spk_0 you know, the first one that got formulas like 50th percent off for everything. And I was like,

spk_0 well, I put myself through all that work. Yeah, exactly.

spk_0 Because it's not funny how that works. I'm going to even make the most, you have ADHD as well.

spk_0 So that's right. Yeah. Okay. So I'm about to make an ADHD hard pivot that's similar to that that

spk_0 we both have ADHD. That's how I feel about the recent Tylenol announcement where I was so fearful

spk_0 of taking any medications of any antibiotics. I mean, I, you know, I'd be suffering. I'd be all

spk_0 of this. I didn't take anything. Surprise. The one, the child that I have that has autism. I never

spk_0 took Tylenol anything in my pregnancy with her. The one neurotypical child that I got. I was on

spk_0 antibiotics from the beginning of his pregnancy until the end of his pregnancy. I had COVID. And I

spk_0 had a fever of like 106. We were worried. We were going to have to like get him out. I was in the

spk_0 hospital. So I was getting like a stream of Tylenol as much as I could handle. Obviously, you can never

spk_0 go to the higher doses. We know all the risks with the higher doses. It's the minimum dose that you

spk_0 can possibly do to treat the fever. But I had COVID. I had all of these different fever ones. And he's

spk_0 the only neurotypical child I have. You know, and it's like that where you're just like, oh, I'm so

spk_0 worried about breast milk and formula and this and that. And then you look back 10 years later and

spk_0 you're like, well, shit. It actually didn't matter at all. You know, they all turned out very

spk_0 differently. And there was no correlation between the extreme worry that I had and what ended up

spk_0 happening or maybe it ended up happening anyway. But it was actually not correlated to the thing I

spk_0 was worried about. Yeah. And I had the exact same experience. I was so paranoid about everything

spk_0 that went into my body when I was pregnant. I was like completely eliminating caffeine. You know,

spk_0 teas like I was just very, very strict about what I what I put in my body. And two pregnancies,

spk_0 I didn't take any Tylenol, two of them I did need to take Tylenol. And my autism kid came out of

spk_0 one that I didn't take any Tylenol for. And again, I beat myself up even for having, you know,

spk_0 my gosh, my headache is so bad. I feel so bad having to take this Tylenol. Yeah. Kid turned out fine.

spk_0 Turned out fine. You text everybody you know. You're like, oh, my gosh, I take Tylenol,

spk_0 because like take the take the damn Tylenol, take the damn Tylenol. Do you have more to say on autism?

spk_0 I shared your real the other day. And maybe from both, you know, an expert in the medical community

spk_0 and also as a mom of a child with autism and as a neuro typical yourself, right? I mean, ADHD is so

spk_0 grouped into this feeling of being different and other and are a problem that we need to sort of

spk_0 erase talk to me about the recent announcement and your sort of feelings as a doctor, but you're

spk_0 also your feelings as a mom to child with autism. Yeah. You know, I and I think that they're separate,

spk_0 right? So I had feelings as a mom and I had very strong feelings after watching. I started

spk_0 watching the initial announcement. I actually had to turn it off and walk away and then I came back

spk_0 and I finished watching the rest of it. And so I had some pretty strong feelings as a mom because

spk_0 it there's nothing wrong with my kid. He's he's a little bit different like the way his brain works

spk_0 is different, but he is so smart and he's cool and I just like he's got so many these positive

spk_0 qualities and like the the announcement just didn't say anything about how incredible some of

spk_0 these kids are and it didn't talk about like how amazing the treatments that we've started,

spk_0 especially early treatments can make an impact on on function and stuff like that. And so I had

spk_0 immediate strong feelings about that. And then the doctor in me, I want to focus on the data and

spk_0 the evidence and what we actually know about autism and what we know is that we have we've identified

spk_0 hundreds of genes that are associated with the development of autism and we've got these really

spk_0 great studies. There was one study that came out and said, hey, you know, we noticed that when

spk_0 you're giving Tylenol, maybe there are some links to some or neurologic conditions. And then when

spk_0 we further study that out because that's how science works, we looked at sibling pairs that had autism

spk_0 and millions like millions of kids. There was no direct causal link with Tylenol. Again, pushing

spk_0 more towards looking like there may be some genetic influences. So, you know, I love a focus on

spk_0 research for autism. I think that's great. And the spectrum of disease and, you know, links. But I

spk_0 think, you know, there's all of these kids, the one in 12 to one in 30 kids, let's focus on ways to

spk_0 help improve function, the help improve performance to help the kids who have struggles with some

spk_0 life skills. Let's work on life skills. Where's the research on that? So I really want to focus on

spk_0 the other aspect to the data and the evidence. But again, you know, as a mom, I had some feelings. And I

spk_0 think it's okay to have the feelings. I think all that's valid. And I think it's important to

spk_0 focus on how incredible our kids are. My kid is amazing. He's valuable and he's just his brain

spk_0 works a little different. Like my brain works a little different. And there's a lot of benefits

spk_0 to that brain working different. I really see it as my superpower. And my kid that has autism,

spk_0 he is so gifted in math. We would be sitting at the dinner table when he was in kindergarten.

spk_0 And his sibling was in second grade. And we were doing math with the older sibling. And he's

spk_0 answering. He's yelling out questions from the bedroom. He's yelling out the answers in kindergarten.

spk_0 And so I think that he's so like he's so cool. And there's so much good that he's going to bring to

spk_0 the world. And I just I want to focus on that rather than these, you know, he's never going to

spk_0 contribute to the world because that's just not true. Mm hmm. I think there's it's interesting

spk_0 touching on the feelings because there's so many feelings right now. I mean, I've sort of

spk_0 boiled this logic down to the internet and everybody's screaming at each other as we are all parents

spk_0 of kids with autism who are in these comment sections being like, no, we need to celebrate them.

spk_0 We need to accommodate them. We need to, you know, put funding into this. And of course, yes,

spk_0 continue the research on the actual real, you know, cause and some genetic, whatever.

spk_0 And on the other side, when, you know, we're talking about level three support, higher support needs,

spk_0 there's intellectual disabilities, you know, those parents are having a lot of feelings about

spk_0 we shouldn't be celebrating autism. This is tragic. This is, you know, my son will never,

spk_0 this never that. The anger, the pain that I can feel from their side. I think I'm not sure why we're

spk_0 arguing. I don't know if it's and this is only my theory. Is it because they took the term

spk_0 Asperger's out and it made it a bit too, you can't talk about autism in general and celebrate

spk_0 and these two conflicting sides are trying to sort of define what autism is versus your feelings

spk_0 of having of a high support needs, intellectual disability, wanting answers, wanting, feeling that

spk_0 pain is super, super valid and my feeling of wanting to celebrate and accommodate and uplift my

spk_0 level one while also realizing it's very hard. Those feelings are very valid too. We don't necessarily

spk_0 need to be, you know, clashing against each other. Yeah. I think two things can be true at one time

spk_0 that you can have and certainly I take care of kids that are very high needs. Their function

spk_0 becomes very difficult at home. We can't have struggles at home and, you know, kids who are higher

spk_0 functioning. It's easier for me to celebrate my kid because the struggles that we have aren't as

spk_0 big as some of other people struggles. And so I think that we can acknowledge that autism can

spk_0 create a lot of challenges. Interpersonally at school or, you know, in therapies and we can

spk_0 also love our kids and celebrate our kids and our kids are valid and important and they create,

spk_0 they have, they play big roles in our community. I think both can be true at the same time.

spk_0 And I think we all want the same thing. We want increased support. We want acknowledgement

spk_0 that our kids are real and valid and important. And I think that we want the research. We want the

spk_0 funding we want the support and just like everything in politics, there's different ways to go

spk_0 about wanting those things to happen. That was very, that was pretty spot on. That was spot on, you know.

spk_0 Yeah. Yeah. You know, I guess it's the internet sort of division that is not something that can

spk_0 be easily solved. And it's sad because I think any autistic parent, parent of child with autism,

spk_0 we want the same things. It's just on varying degrees. We have struggles. They're just varying

spk_0 struggles. We have different reasons to celebrate. Maybe it's one step or maybe it's, you know,

spk_0 finally, somebody will actually play with your child at the playground because that hasn't happened

spk_0 in years in a level one even. There are different struggles. I do just wish we could, I don't know,

spk_0 rally as an autism community because I think that no matter the level of support needs, I think

spk_0 the, at least from my perspective, the adults that I've met with autism, my husband has autism.

spk_0 He really identifies and wants to support and is involved with, with all spectrum on the autism.

spk_0 It's ashamed me because we see how different communities can have such a sense of pride and

spk_0 togetherness, diabetes, LGBTQ, all the way around you, you have a community. And I'm really, I think,

spk_0 for my daughter, hoping for more of a sense of community there because it's just, it's such a

spk_0 yucky place for these individuals that no matter what level they're on, are fantastic

spk_0 members of society that are creating value beyond even just a paycheck. Even if they can't

spk_0 bring a paycheck in, they are creating value in our families. Yeah. I think that it speaks to

spk_0 highly, how variable and how complex autism is. We know every kid with type of diabetes,

spk_0 they need insulin. Like, there's so much continuity and sameness there. We're in autism. I think a

spk_0 lot of the kids, there's more difference than there is similarity. And so it can create some,

spk_0 you know, my needs are not the same as your needs. We want to advocate, but we want to advocate

spk_0 for different things. And so it is hard because it's such a complex condition and the impacts for

spk_0 families are highly variable as well. So I think our voices together, if we were all able to get

spk_0 together and advocate, our voices could be so strong. And I think that we need to find ways to

spk_0 do that. I 100% agree. So great. It's just like blind acceptance has to happen. You know, it doesn't

spk_0 have to be that everyone looks exactly the same to advocate or celebrate or be on the same page.

spk_0 You know, it's just absolute acceptance of everybody's feelings where they are at what their

spk_0 challenges are, what their strengths are. Yeah, just getting out there.

spk_0 It's pretty amazing that Dean and I get to live our dream, running big little feelings as a

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spk_0 This is about you. Is it harder to be a woman in the medical field or as an online personality?

spk_0 Oh, that's that's tough. That's really tough. I think I've found peace with both of them. If that

spk_0 makes sense, I'm lucky enough to be in pediatrics where almost all of us are women. It's probably it's

spk_0 probably even more than two thirds. It might even be like 75, 25, like so many of us are women. And so

spk_0 people usually come in with the expectation of the woman definitely could be a physician. I do

spk_0 still struggle. I wear this gigantic badge on my chest that says doctor and I still have so many

spk_0 people say it like I never saw the doctor when I came or you know, I just spent 20 minutes sitting

spk_0 at bedside and then the nurse goes, Hey, are you going to go into that room? I just was just in there.

spk_0 Oh, they said they haven't seen the doctor yet. So that can be a little bit of a challenge. Whereas,

spk_0 you know, when I talk about I've talked about my deployment potentials in online and I've talked

spk_0 about, you know, my work and you know, working overnight. And so I get a lot of the like, well, who

spk_0 takes care of your kids or don't you feel bad that you're not, you know, home with them as much?

spk_0 And like, no one would ever ask a man that like, Oh, you're getting deployed. Like who's watching

spk_0 your kids? Like no, no one asks that to men. So let's just clarify for the people who don't know,

spk_0 you're getting deployed for and I know this because I watch your content. You're getting deployed

spk_0 for like a national disaster, right? Right. It's something like a flood happens in Texas or something

spk_0 like that. Right. And in you, which is wild to me, you are choosing and are chosen to get deployed

spk_0 and go help these emergency situations. Yeah. I'm on a deployable team that goes out in disaster.

spk_0 It is a job. It's not volunteer. I do get paid if we get deployed. But I spend a month at a time

spk_0 on call to go out in case there is a disaster. And it's very, you get just a couple hours notice.

spk_0 So my bags have to be packed. I have to be ready. And my husband has to be ready to take

spk_0 air of all the home stuff. And we've worked it out. It's great. The comments that I get when I use

spk_0 the word deployment and when I start to talk about it, I get a lot of very interesting feedback about

spk_0 that. Are these people men or are they women, mostly? They're both the vast majority of my followers

spk_0 are women like upwards of 97% of the people who like comment and follow me are women, which I love.

spk_0 I love it makes me so happy. Love women. Love women. I mean, we love men too, but you know, the

spk_0 right men. Well, I'm just happy that I don't get certain pictures in my DMs. Like people are not

spk_0 propositioning me like, I've never I'm knocking on some wood. I love the community that I've

spk_0 created. It's amazing. Like the people that follow me are just incredible. That's good. And then

spk_0 have you ever have you ever let that guilt in? Like did you have to at first when people started

spk_0 making those commentaries about not being with their kids and and who's taking care of them?

spk_0 Why aren't you around more? Did it affect you at first? No, not on social media. I gave myself that guilt

spk_0 in like residency when I was working as much. And I felt so so my daughter, my oldest, I guess she

spk_0 was six months when I started residency. And so she had a very strong bond with my husband.

spk_0 So when I would come home in the evening, I'd be like, Hey, let's hang out. Let's go read a book.

spk_0 Let's do this. And she'd be like, I'm gonna hang out with dad. Oh, so crushing. So crushing as a mom,

spk_0 like, I just want to spend time with you. I'd spend, you know, days since I saw you. And she's like,

spk_0 I'm gonna cook dinner with dad over here. This is what we do every day. Oh, uh, breaks my heart.

spk_0 She has no recollection of those those days. And I have a really really strong relationship with

spk_0 her now, which is wonderful. That was the shame that I had all comes from, you know, a medical

spk_0 training when I was so intensely working. Yeah. Is there any other comment online that gets you?

spk_0 It's the big, the pharma shill. Everyone, oh, a big pharma, big pharma. You're you get all this

spk_0 money from big pharma. Every single, every single payment from pharmacy to a physician is

spk_0 reportable. Like you have to report it. And it's open. Anybody can go and look. It's on

spk_0 something called open payments.gov, I think. And I took, I had a $20 meal, I guess. I don't even

spk_0 remember it. Is that what you're saying? I looked it out myself because I was like, oh, let me see.

spk_0 Sure. Yes. Yeah. Uh, three years ago, like one of the drug companies gave me food that was like

spk_0 $18. And I honestly have no recollection of it. I probably should have created a thing I

spk_0 like did this really happen. I'm not sure. But even even if it did, like if I got a, you know,

spk_0 Panera sandwich or something three years ago, that that's the only money that I've taken from a

spk_0 pharmaceutical company or value of money. And now you're pimping out, you know, the COVID-19 vaccine.

spk_0 So for a $1.00 Panera sandwich. It's a good sandwich. It must be a good sandwich. It must be

spk_0 a good sandwich. Why do we get that? I don't even we get that a lot of big pharma. And I'm trying to

spk_0 even think, let's just, you know, it's the internet anytime you talk about vaccines or people always

spk_0 want to know what your motive is. And my motive, yeah, deep down is I want to keep kids safe. I want

spk_0 to educate people. I don't want to see the badness that comes from these vaccine preventable illnesses.

spk_0 But every single time people come back and you're getting paid, you know, you're big pharma. It's not.

spk_0 It's not. It's not. No. All right. My final question for you today. You were circling back to the

spk_0 ADHD. So A, when were you diagnosed early, late in life? And then B, tell me a little bit about,

spk_0 I imagine it helps you do exactly what you do. I'm not sure that you could be doing everything

spk_0 you're doing right now without this superpower. So for those listening and have a child with ADHD.

spk_0 And that's the hardest part of, you know, ADHD is being a child and struggling in that way.

spk_0 I would love for you to explain if you think so. How ADHD plays into doing exactly what you're

spk_0 able to do. So I was diagnosed later in life. I think I was, I was in medical school. It was after

spk_0 my first year of medical school. I got, I think I got a C. And if you got a C, then you had to

spk_0 meet with the school psychologist just to make sure that like they were addressing any of your

spk_0 needs and learning and stuff like that. And I walked in the very first day. I sat down. I started

spk_0 talking. She said, I think you have ADHD. And I said, no, no. And then by like the third or

spk_0 fourth meeting, she was like, I, let's just cure me out. Let me just test you. And we'll see what happens.

spk_0 And I tested very positive for ADHD. But through that, we were able to come up with some learning

spk_0 techniques that work better for people with ADHD. So getting that diagnosis and working on things,

spk_0 you know, learning activities, like using flashcards as much easier for me than sitting and reading

spk_0 a book. Or if I do need to sit and read a book, I need to be highlighting the words so that I'm

spk_0 paying attention to what I'm reading. And so just finding little tactics that worked for me

spk_0 with ADHD was helpful. And at what I'll say about working in the ER is I would say probably 90%

spk_0 of the people have ADHD. Even if it's not diagnosed, we are adrenaline filled, we're action packed,

spk_0 we're fast paced, we multitask constantly. And you have to have all of these different things

spk_0 happening in your head at the same time where that comes naturally to us. I feel like with ADHD,

spk_0 like we're constant, there's all the stuff that's constantly happening. Sometimes I do have

spk_0 difficulties with like organization like, all right, I have to put this order in and sometimes the

spk_0 nurses will have to be like, Hey, you got to, you got to put this in or we got to do this. Don't

spk_0 forget about this. But really like that constantly being interrupted, constantly multitasking really

spk_0 fits in well as an ADHD person in the emergency department. So there are jobs out there that

spk_0 this superpower was perfect for. Because I think that even a lot of parents and even I before I had

spk_0 ADHD, I didn't think I had ADHD either because I was like, that's not me. I'm not hyperactive. I'm not,

spk_0 you know, I don't have all of these. I'm not a five year old boy with hyperactive ADHD is what

spk_0 my thought was, right? And it turns out there's a few different kinds of ADHD and I had a different

spk_0 kind. But I think parents and the world in general sort of sees ADHD as, you know, the typical kid

spk_0 who just cannot pay attention, who just defies everything is talking all the time. And that's true.

spk_0 I did all of those things. And that's because for kids and adults with ADHD, it's not that we can't

spk_0 focus. It's that we can't focus on something without a surge of dopamine. And so there are so many

spk_0 jobs in this world, creative jobs, innovative jobs. These are music, every musician I've ever met

spk_0 has ADHD, every actor that I've met, doctors in, but we, Lord, you want to sit either one of us down

spk_0 and try to do math in a desk all day long for nine hours, even today. I couldn't do it. We can't,

spk_0 we can't physically be forced to do it. So if you're listening and you have a child with ADHD that's

spk_0 just driving you crazy, what is your best advice to that parent actually? What's your best advice

spk_0 to get them through? I would try, there are people out there that can help if things are not working.

spk_0 There are different therapists, sometimes even their teachers, school counselors can help

spk_0 find ways that will work with your child in the way that they're doing. And so like adaptive

spk_0 seating and things like that can help ways that you're working on things at home, like switching to

spk_0 flashcards, you know, switching colors up. There's different ways that we can help our brains function.

spk_0 And so working with that rather than against that can be helpful in every kids' different, so more

spk_0 specific advice is hard, but there's nothing wrong with them. They work a little differently and

spk_0 you have to try to find ways to work with them that it's in a positive direction. Yeah, and I mean,

spk_0 this sounds terrible, but it's almost for me, it's like get them through school, get them through

spk_0 school. Find out what they love and what they're really passionate about. Try your best to somehow

spk_0 tie that schoolwork to the something that they're obsessed with and foster that thing that they're

spk_0 obsessed with, you know, because that will stay with them, whether that was, I don't know if we

spk_0 were into medical stuff when you were a kid and that was what it was or if it's theater or whatever

spk_0 it is, find the thing that they're obsessed with because that's the thing that they're going to be

spk_0 really successful at. And I also love your practical advice because executive functioning coaches

spk_0 are phenomenal and fantastic for children and adults. My number one wreck, executive functioning

spk_0 coaches. They can even teach you the parent how to be talking to your child in a way that makes it

spk_0 so that they understand. We now have one of those things, you know what they're called? They're called

spk_0 like a hearth calendar on the wall. It's an electronic calendar on the wall, but it has almost,

spk_0 it has like a neurodivergent thing built into it where all of the tasks for my kid in the morning

spk_0 let's say and you know, an older kid, she should probably know, she should know by now how to brush

spk_0 your teeth and then you brush your hair and then you do this, but ADHD, right? And it's actually,

spk_0 each time you press the button, there's like a sprinkle of confetti that goes off. What is that?

spk_0 That's dopamine. That's dopamine. And so then she goes to the next one in the school books and she

spk_0 gets it. And so now I the parent, I'm not going, dude, get your shoes while, you know, they're

spk_0 distracted by tinkering with the little thing in the corner. It's been a game changer and it was

spk_0 the executive functioning coach that recommended it. So I highly recommend all the therapies to get

spk_0 them through. And then they're, if they're fostered, I think they'll take over the world and

spk_0 and find exactly what they're meant to do. If they're just fostered. Okay. We ran out of time.

spk_0 I'm going to text you or your publicist or however we just DM you all my personal anxiety

spk_0 questions after this. And I'm surprised they didn't come out. I think I only let one come out.

spk_0 All this, a lot of self control and impulse control. Just send the message. We'll deal with it.

spk_0 Okay, great. We'll deal with it. Okay, great. Thank you so much for being on. Thank you for all

spk_0 of the content that you do. I hope you never stop. For me, it's such a breath of fresh air. I get so

spk_0 excited when I see your face come on. Even when you're doing just personal things, I think you're

spk_0 at the wedding the other day. I know this sounds crazy to say, but I just, I, I, I and so many people

spk_0 just really love seeing you, you know, daily, weekly. You're like, you're a breath of fresh air

spk_0 in a sort of otherwise overwhelming world. So thank you for what you do. And I hope you,

spk_0 I hope you go forever. Thank you. I appreciate it. Wow, besties. I don't know about you, but I feel

spk_0 better. Why? How is it that every time we have a guest, I feel better? I hope you feel better too.

spk_0 I think maybe the bottom line is that we are worrying about a lot of things that maybe we don't

spk_0 have to worry as much about. I'm going to lean more into worrying about social media, which I already

spk_0 do. I'm going to have some action steps around that, but I am going to release feeding my children.

spk_0 You know, well, let me clarify. Parenting expert doesn't feed her children anymore. No, what I mean

spk_0 is I'm going to release the, oh my god, and they're not having this. And then look at this person

spk_0 on Instagram and their baby is eating, you know, 150 wild fruits from Africa before the age of one

spk_0 or three because they need to be exposed. I'm going to let that go. That's totally fine. I'm going

spk_0 to worry about ebikes. I'm going to worry about social media. I'm going to make sure my kids always

spk_0 have a helmet on, which I already do, but I'm going to be hypervigilant about that. And I'm going

spk_0 to go ahead and send my husband a couple of articles about trampolines that I have Googled in the

spk_0 time since this episode has wrapped up. I hope that you walked away feeling empowered feeling

spk_0 like a parent who is doing a really good job. Like everything we are doing right now, we're doing

spk_0 pretty damn well. And I think Dr. Beach Gem just reminds me there's a lot in this world.

spk_0 There's a lot of things happening. There's a lot of things that she sees that I cannot even imagine

spk_0 seeing. And there's so much that is out of our control. And there's a few things that are in our

spk_0 control. And so I'm going to try to shift into really focusing on enjoying my time with my kids.

spk_0 And yeah, definitely looking into researching things around the big, big, big stuff like social

spk_0 media, what to do about that when we get to that age, but kind of letting the rest go. And if

spk_0 you made it this far to the episode, please do us a favor, hit the follow button wherever you

spk_0 listen to podcasts. It's completely free, but it is a way for you to support our podcast so that

spk_0 we can have better guests, a better conversation, make the show the best it can possibly be. Hit that

spk_0 little follow button, leave us a review. It means more than you know, investees. I will see you next week.

spk_0 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and

spk_0 services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products

spk_0 or services referred to in this episode.

3 Things a Pediatric ER Doctor Would Never Let Her Kids Do

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