138. The Family You Build

Interactive Transcript

spk_0 Welcome back to another episode of the last chat podcast y'all. I am your host Jojo. And I'm Tyra.

spk_0 Oh, happy hump day. On day? It is. Wait, it's gonna be Wednesday for them.

spk_0 All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right.

spk_0 Part of the day. I like to talk like the present even though there should be recording like the

spk_0 day before. Part of me. When yeah, listen to this while some of y'all it will be Wednesday.

spk_0 So yeah, last time we were we posted an episode two weeks ago and we gave you guys like a recap of

spk_0 your bad bunny concert. The bad bunny concert and we talked about that Netflix series

spk_0 hunting lives or some shit like that. Yeah. So I hope you guys watched the show by now. But

spk_0 it was like number one on Netflix for some time and we just had to talk about it because it was

spk_0 given very much LGBTQ plus. Yeah, I'm just a little bit just a little bit. But happy Virgo season,

spk_0 tell my Virgo's out there. So many Virgos. So many. So many. So many. Every time. Every weekend.

spk_0 I feel like I feel like every year that like September strolls around or even like the August

spk_0 Virgos. I'm like, oh, what the hell? Like somebody else is like, it's my birthday. It's my birthday.

spk_0 Believe it or not, a lot of people that I work with are Virgos. Really? Yeah. And I'm like, holy

spk_0 shit. So many Virgos in the world. But yeah, so we're always I was talking to Darra the other day

spk_0 because I was like, damn, like, we, me and her like about a week to like a week and two days apart

spk_0 or some shit. So we're always like, well, what do you want? Or what do you want? What do you want to

spk_0 do? What do you want to do? And then it's like, it's always Jojo's first birthday. Like it's her

spk_0 birthday first. Obviously, her's is the 13th. I'm a 22nd. Yeah. And she'd be asking me and I'm like,

spk_0 girl, your birthday comes first. Like, I need to get a job. I still have a gift. And it's like,

spk_0 I literally have like two days because she hasn't told me what she wants. And last year for your 30th,

spk_0 I gave you 30 gifts. And I just feel like, what am I going to repeat? Gives that I already gave you?

spk_0 I mean, it's hard for me to be like, oh, this is what I want because I feel like one, we do everything

spk_0 together too. When we want something, we buy it for like ourselves or, you know, each other from

spk_0 time to time. So I just feel like to just pick something for my birthday. Like, I don't know,

spk_0 I don't, it's like, I just want experiences at this point where I'm just like, all right,

spk_0 let's just do something. Um, but I always be asking you too because I'm like, damn, like, you always

spk_0 want something. There's not a moment when you don't want something. So I'm like, I need to like,

spk_0 get a jumpstart so I can get her shit because then it's like, so this will be the first year

spk_0 that we don't spend her birthday together. Oh, yeah, because she'll be away. She decided she wanted

spk_0 to go to Italy without me or whatever. You know, I guess this year, this year is just a year where

spk_0 she wants to do shit without me. You can be saying without me. Like, what are you on me to do?

spk_0 You have the opportunity for your job doesn't allow it. And I don't have the opportunity.

spk_0 Yeah. So it's like, I really don't want to be here like in the United States of America for my

spk_0 30th. You feel me like that because the USA, that's what it is. Okay. Um, but yeah. So like,

spk_0 we were talking about it and it was just like, damn, like, not only is it our birthday that we

spk_0 have to worry about, but then it's like, the other sister's birthday, she, her like best friends

spk_0 birthdays, my best friends birthdays, like, and they're all within like the same weekend. Yeah,

spk_0 literally two of Jojo's best friends birthdays are in September and then two of my best friends

spk_0 are birthdays are in September. It's also my sisters and it's yours and it's mine.

spk_0 Like, and then it's my brothers birthday also in September, like, it's exhausting. And it's

spk_0 just, I don't know, because like parents were getting freaky all the holidays during the same time.

spk_0 Yeah. Unbelievable. But I was just saying like, it's kind of exhausting sometimes because it's like,

spk_0 we really don't get the time to enjoy it and really like, um, how you say it. Um, I forget there was

spk_0 another word I used, but it was just like, we have to worry about everybody else. I mean, I guess

spk_0 we don't have to, but it's just like, we do end up worrying about everybody else that we like,

spk_0 yeah, only really get the day. Like, yeah, when the day is here, it's like, okay, we celebrate

spk_0 ourselves and then we got to worry about the next one to celebrate that we don't get to really like,

spk_0 be, um, I don't know how to say it. But you know, when you're young and you're like,

spk_0 bitches, my birthday, long type shit, like, you don't, it doesn't get to just be about you.

spk_0 No, yeah. It was always got some planning to do and yeah, fun, fun, fun. Things need to be done.

spk_0 Um, um, let's stay tuned for, you know, those birthdays. We'll post some, some hopefully

spk_0 pictures and these kinds of content because I'm sure we'll get into some shit. And this has, um,

spk_0 this has some correlation into today's, um, episode. But before I get into that, since September is

spk_0 literally such a crazy month, festivities left and right, Virgo sees him, whatever. I want to

spk_0 give a shout out to this event that's happening in Los Angeles. It's going to be on Thursday,

spk_0 September 18th. It's an exclusive woman only event in Los Angeles. It's created by, by Valerie

spk_0 Lynn. She's a producer of girls, only UK. She's also from parties called Ladies Night Out, um,

spk_0 in LA. So the night is called Leila. I believe I'm pronouncing a right or it might be Leila. I don't

spk_0 know, but it's a sapphic show. And then afterwards, there's going to be like an after party and the

spk_0 tickets are only $10. Um, so if you can't attend the show, you can at least attend the after party.

spk_0 Um, definitely just want to put that out there. We posted like, we posted about it in our stories

spk_0 as well. But if you guys have any questions, we are going to leave the link in the podcast description.

spk_0 Um, I feel like you honestly never know who you meet when you go out. So you might as well go.

spk_0 And I say that because a lot of the friends that we have met, it hasn't just been through like, um,

spk_0 like our trips, like we actually met some of these people way before that because we went out.

spk_0 We saw the amount of party. We met, we exchanged numbers. We hung out again. And then we met

spk_0 another couple Lauren and Brittany at a basketball game. So it's like, you really have to put

spk_0 yourself out there to really like meet people and find connections and things like that. So I

spk_0 just want to give that shout out, even though we're not from the West Coast and we can't attend, we still,

spk_0 um, my everybody who does listen to us to have things that they can attend.

spk_0 Um, what else? Uh, very quickly. Um, if I'm not mistaken and I'm googling it right now because,

spk_0 you know, I'll be having to make sure this is right. It is, well, September is suicide prevention

spk_0 month. It is. Um, and I just knew it was like the month, but I didn't realize that the day

spk_0 is September 10th, which would be tomorrow. Wow. Oh, wow. Or I guess today, if you're listening

spk_0 to this, um, it says that the month's efforts are highlighted by World suicide prevention day on

spk_0 September 10th. Uh, this day was core, well, I can't spell. I mean, I can't read. This day was

spk_0 corresponded by the World Health Organization and the International Association for Suicide Prevention

spk_0 to provide a global forum for mental health professionals, crisis workers, and those affected by,

spk_0 by suicide. Sorry, I can't read today. September suicide prevention month, an annual observe. Wow,

spk_0 I'm so sorry. Oh, no, it's okay. Um, September is suicide prevention month, an annual observance

spk_0 to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and connect individuals with resources and support. It is to

spk_0 recognize both nationally in the you. Oh, it is recognized both nationally in the US and globally

spk_0 with events and campaigns promoting open conversations about suicide and mental health. Yeah. Very

spk_0 nice. Mm hmm. Um, just to read off a few suicide prevention resources, you guys can look this up

spk_0 as well, but there is 988 suicide and crisis lifeline. Um, you can literally call your text 988 anytime.

spk_0 And it will connect you with a trained counselor. It says that for Spanish speaking, uh, Spanish

spk_0 speaking speakers call 988 and then press two for veterans. You can press one. There's another

spk_0 hotline crisis text line. Um, you text talk to 741 741 to be connected with a crisis counselor.

spk_0 Then you have the Trevor project. Uh, you can call at 1 866 488 7386 for crisis intervention and

spk_0 suicide prevention services for young LGBTQ people. Um, and then, you know, in case, in the case of

spk_0 the emergency, you call 911. It's crazy because the administration of the United States of America

spk_0 you're trying to take away or they already did take away help for the Trevor project. Yeah.

spk_0 You know, to have people on call for suicide prevention calls. Um, it's a crazy world, but

spk_0 it is, it is all very relatable. So today's episode, we're going to be talking about, um,

spk_0 the family that you build. Um, because I know the holidays are coming up. Like fall is a bit

spk_0 of a sweet season because we love fall. We love, you know, it's getting more color for outside. You

spk_0 can't go out and walk. Yeah. And then those are also like the holidays. So I kind of wanted to

spk_0 start a little bit early. Um, and also because it ties into like our weekend. So I wrote something

spk_0 here and I want to read it. Um, I wrote in our culture where it taught that family is everything.

spk_0 Um, but what happens when your blood family can't or won't accept who you are. So for many of us,

spk_0 as Quirlatina, the answer has been creating a family of our own, a chosen family, the

spk_0 friends who show up, the people who celebrate us, the ones who see us fully and that was unconditionally.

spk_0 So I want to dive into like what chosen family means and why it's so powerful and how like it

spk_0 can sometimes be even more sacred than blood family. I feel like since I have started this podcast,

spk_0 since we have started this podcast, like what four years ago, I've always been very adamant about like

spk_0 family, blood family, chosen family, um, talking about only really the positives of family. I don't

spk_0 think I really have dived into too much of like my childhood, um, and how tragic it was going up.

spk_0 I think I maybe I've mentioned it once or twice, but I don't think I've ever really gotten into it,

spk_0 you know, in a way of like, it was tragic. I was just always like, I'm a big family girl,

spk_0 family, family, family, whatever. Um, like when I came out, my family was cool, cool with it.

spk_0 No beef, no drama. I think, I don't know. I feel like it's not in your face. At least not in my face,

spk_0 right? So to me, I was like, well, um, it is what it is. But um, sometimes it's not always like

spk_0 that. Like it's not always brain, bones and butterflies. There's definitely a lot of behind the scenes

spk_0 drama. Um, and I would never go into deep and sweet because I don't want to embarrass people.

spk_0 You feel me? And I don't know who listens to this. Like, who could be my cousin from DR? It could be

spk_0 my sister's from Puerto Rico, people who are family, but I don't really talk to them like that.

spk_0 Yeah. Um, but this weekend, I was having a very stressful weekend. And Jojo couldn't get any

spk_0 state because she was working. And I want to say about 5 a.m. because of the the family drama. And

spk_0 so they're my sister. And you know, we have plans to go out and Lily was like, yeah, like we're

spk_0 going to go out like she was hyping it up. We're going to brunch, blah, blah, blah, blah,

spk_0 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was okay. Cool. Like we're going to brunch. We've

spk_0 gone to this place a couple of times before. So we were like, okay, whatever. And when I woke up,

spk_0 I was exhausted and you were too. And everyone was tired. And I was like, I'm about to cancel.

spk_0 Yeah. And I'm about to cancel. Like, yeah, I don't even know on three hours of sleep in like the

spk_0 last four days. Literally. I was like, I'm canceling. Like I feel like shit. I had a rough night.

spk_0 And it honestly does have to do with suicide prevention. But not me. Y'all, I'm good. But

spk_0 yeah, it was just a very terrible probably one of the worst nights I've had in a while. And

spk_0 I was just not in the womb to do anything to celebrate nothing. And I did we they go off Rachel's

spk_0 birthday. Um, so it was like it was her birthday weekends. But I was just like, I'm so tired. I

spk_0 know you are too. Do you want to do something else? And then Lily was like, now you're not canceling.

spk_0 You're coming. And we were like, okay, then then we're just going to be late. Like it is what it is.

spk_0 Yeah. So then we show up. And there's many, many people there.

spk_0 Yeah. Like the table was four of friends. People we've known from the podcast. A lot of people that

spk_0 we've met through like our trip to Bali and Thailand. People that I didn't expect to be there

spk_0 because they live miles away. I'm talking about like a flight. Not a little one or two hour drive.

spk_0 Yeah. No. And that's not a little by the way, whoever drove that far.

spk_0 Yeah. Flights away from the West Coast. And we're on the East Coast. Yeah. Like I was completely shocked.

spk_0 Like I had a feeling maybe we'll see somebody, we know from Jersey. When I from all these other places,

spk_0 I was honestly so shocked. Like I'm not like you can't hide things from me. I don't know what it is,

spk_0 but I'm always asking questions. And she really hit that from us.

spk_0 I was honestly so overwhelmed with emotions that

spk_0 so everyone with emotions that I started crying. Yeah. Literally. Literally.

spk_0 Literally. And I couldn't stop. Yeah. It was just like. And I was sober. Okay. Yeah. I mean.

spk_0 And then you get in the beginning. And then you get the. Yeah.

spk_0 No, it was a little crazy because you know, we kind of just thought it was just going to be us.

spk_0 And you know, I felt bad because like Lily went out of her way to like, you know,

spk_0 playing this and make it happen. And obviously she was downplaying it. O.D. for the longest.

spk_0 Like, oh, you know, it's not that it's just, you know, we're going to go to the six weeks.

spk_0 We've been to the six to six before, but there's a drag branch. And you know, nothing crazy.

spk_0 But I low key think that she was stressing like, especially when all those things happen.

spk_0 You know, that should pop off, which I'll wear y'all right, kind of cancel.

spk_0 But she actually correlated this whole, you know, plan this whole thing with one of the other

spk_0 um girls that like we know from going on our valley and and Thailand trip.

spk_0 I think they also took apart from that. Yeah. Yeah.

spk_0 Well, I know like she, you know, talked to the group. Obviously they had a whole group chat apparently.

spk_0 Yeah. Yeah. So shout out to Nikki. You know, she did some, I told her she got to be our manager

spk_0 or something. She was doing. Yeah. She was doing the logistics. She got the, she got the,

spk_0 I'm in 1000%. She got the ex-self. She dumped packs. Yeah.

spk_0 For real. Shout out to fucking Karina and Geo for the fire cake. Yes.

spk_0 I think it was busting. They came out with a huge cake with a picture of us on the cake.

spk_0 Yeah. Like a picture of me, JoJo and my sister. And you know what? Lily asked me for that picture.

spk_0 Oh, she did it. You think you got any pictures of y'all together. And I'm like, girl,

spk_0 the only shit I got is like when we all get liitty, but like I don't really have any, like,

spk_0 I don't think that we take any pictures. Just me and her. I was like, I got one good picture of us.

spk_0 And that's when we went to, uh, I can't let's honestly forgot about that picture. Yeah.

spk_0 I'm like, I saw that when I saw that picture, I was like, oh my god, where did she even get this picture?

spk_0 Like, it was such a nice picture. And I told you forgot that we ever took it. Yeah.

spk_0 I'm like, she had to go through our Instagram or something. No, because I don't even think that we

spk_0 posted it. Oh, wow. Yeah. So yeah, shout out to them for getting that cake and making that

spk_0 happen. Yeah. Um, and just shout out to all the girls Roxanna. She came from Nebraska. Nebraska.

spk_0 Nebraska. Nebraska. We told her we not talking shit about Nebraska. No more. I know.

spk_0 Yeah, she came from Nebraska. You had Natalie. She came from Cali. You had Tracy and, um,

spk_0 Alissa. Yeah, Tracy came from Texas. Alissa's from, she's also from Texas. Oh, Cali. Oh, yes, because she came

spk_0 with, okay, see, I'm trying to remember because everybody, when we went on our vacation, everybody was

spk_0 buddy buddy and those who were buddy buddy came together. So I had to remember that. Mariah stuff came

spk_0 from Florida. Yup. Mariah stuff. Florida. Right. Right. Right. Um, our Jersey gang. Marisol. Uh,

spk_0 Leana. Nikki. Our New York gang. Carrice. Shout out to her girl. We got to meet her, her

spk_0 shorty. Oh, I was talking to you off to. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Um, shout out to Jill and Karina.

spk_0 Obviously, you know, those are, you know, our home-based people. Um, I forget nobody, right? I

spk_0 know, but very, very, very, very, very grateful. It got to a point where like I sat down and I really,

spk_0 like, was taking in the moment. I was just like looking at everybody, you know, so excited to be

spk_0 around each other again. Um, it's, it's almost like it was all of our, our like special day, you know?

spk_0 Yeah. We were all just so happy to be surrounded by each other. Yeah. Camille and Leah were there too.

spk_0 Camille and Leah. I'm sorry. No, no, it's okay. It's so many people. Yeah. That is like, like,

spk_0 I'm, this is over 20. Right. Right. Camille and Leah always love them. Yes. Love.

spk_0 Mom. Love our body. Mother. Like, it was just a beautiful thing and the amount of like,

spk_0 loving appreciation that we shared with one another that day is just like, I don't know,

spk_0 you can't make that shit up. You know, I like, we have so many beautiful pictures. I'm

spk_0 not I wasn't there for that. I love like a good photo booth. Yeah. I found the photo booth. Who's I

spk_0 with? I don't remember who I was with. And then I was like, oh, there's a photo booth in the back.

spk_0 Let's go take pictures. We were squeezing in there. It was given love Island. I was, I was

spk_0 high key salty because I worked that day. Like that. This was the, this is the second time we go out

spk_0 and Georgia works and has to leave. Yeah. Yeah. Because for Jersey City pride, you guys were out.

spk_0 And I was like, yo, she had to leave. I got to work tonight. So like, and my new baby taking a time,

spk_0 we get to these events late as fuck. And I'm like, y'all know I work tonight, right?

spk_0 Late is 3 p.m. Like, yeah. That's late. That's late. It's a daytime festival. Yeah. That is. So,

spk_0 that's so it's like, whoo, we don't should have been there at 12. Yeah. So, um, but you know,

spk_0 I had a couple hours where I got to spend with everybody. And then, you know, unfortunately,

spk_0 I had to leave by a certain time. But thankfully, I got to see everybody win, you know,

spk_0 because everybody came at different times. Um, but people came like straight from the airport.

spk_0 Yeah. Some people came like, would love it just. Right. That's crazy. And same. Well, yeah. So, um,

spk_0 I unfortunately didn't get to, you know, have a great time. We had the rest of the night. But,

spk_0 you know, this was just another weekend where all these bitches was out till 5 a.m. without me

spk_0 while I met work. Yeah. For race. You know what it is? It's like, we gotta like, we gotta celebrate

spk_0 the summertime. Like it's still summer. So, y'all just don't know when to go home.

spk_0 Well, don't start till the 22nd. Let me tell you, yeah, yeah, not gonna catch me outside in the

spk_0 winter. Con el temalito frío, you know, like, so we gotta like be outside while we have it,

spk_0 because it'd be so cold here that you came and go outside, you know, um, but yeah, I was completely

spk_0 in shock by people like everybody who came so hyped. And if you couldn't come,

spk_0 girl, no hard feelings. Yeah. It's like, it is totally fine. We didn't know what's happening. We didn't

spk_0 plan it. So, you know, but my let's shot family. I love y'all down bad. And listen, if that,

spk_0 if that isn't a testament to like the relationship that we built, my new, yes, some of these people

spk_0 we've met before that live within the area that know us through our podcasts and the whole rest

spk_0 of the gang we met on our body and Thailand trip. So, like, I'm just saying, we're out here trying

spk_0 to plan another trove trip. This is like, this could be that opportunity for all the use who didn't

spk_0 go to the last one that are, you know, asking us to plan another one. And, you know, it's out. It's

spk_0 out. What are you waiting for? Like, being part of the last shagging. I don't know what to tell you.

spk_0 Right. So, while we talk about that, we obviously still have a lot of open spots for Brazil and

spk_0 Costa Rica. We're getting a lot more people for Brazil. Costa Rica is a little zed, not going to line.

spk_0 And I'm saying this because it's literally the truth. It would need to be canceled if we don't

spk_0 get more signups like ASAP. So, just let it y'all know. Right. It might get canceled. But we, at

spk_0 least, you know, something I had a feeling because I just know like our audience. I know people

spk_0 like based on, you know, the survey and things like that. I was, I don't know about this. Like,

spk_0 this little, oh, no. But I said, let's give it a shot because why not? So, we're, this is us giving

spk_0 it a shot. If it happens, it happens. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. Yeah. But yeah, too,

spk_0 too going to like today's topic. I want to talk about like,

spk_0 choosing family because I think it's looked different for the both of us.

spk_0 And like, kind of just going to like personal stories with that. And like, I guess like the moment

spk_0 you realize that like, choosing family, it's just as well as like blood family.

spk_0 I know that you had a friend going up who had a lot of issues coming out to their family.

spk_0 And like, your mom showed up on some, you could live with us type of shit.

spk_0 There's not a lot of mothers that could do that. And I don't want to speak for you. But

spk_0 like, my mom was not going to do that. I'll tell you right now. She would not, no, she wouldn't.

spk_0 Hmm. That's it. Point blank period. Yeah.

spk_0 Body for like your mom did that or like, I mean, knowing your mom, I know she has a big heart,

spk_0 great person. But I don't know. I can't answer that for her. I mean, my mom was kind of the person

spk_0 was like, Oh, like, you know, nobody's staying here unless your family or like, you were a friend

spk_0 that she really, because my mom's one of those people who's like, Oh, I got to feel in about that

spk_0 person. Oh, I don't, I don't, I'm not fucking with them. Like, I don't know. Like, yeah, that's

spk_0 your friend. I feel like she's pretty good with me. Yeah. Like she exactly, like, she'll tell you,

spk_0 like, yeah, they're not going last longer like they, you know, yeah. And I have quite a few that

spk_0 she's like, you know, I really love them. They are, they came for me type shit. Yeah.

spk_0 Um, and I don't know, I guess like just seeing, you know, how well like they blit like my

spk_0 closest friend's blend with me and my family and, you know, with her. Um, I don't know,

spk_0 because most of my friends really love my mom. So I think they just kind of, I've always had

spk_0 friends, not always, but the friends closest to me that we consider family are like ones that

spk_0 really go out their way to like make that, like create that bond and shit with my mom. Yeah.

spk_0 That it's not just like, Oh, that's just JoJo's mom or like, Oh, I'm just talking to her because

spk_0 I'm here for JoJo. Like, yeah, those motherfuckers will show up to see my mom. Yeah. Like your mom

spk_0 literally hangs out with your friends. Yeah. And I love that. I want that. Um, you know, she,

spk_0 I don't know. I can't answer to why she does it. But, you know, if she knows that someone

spk_0 is important to me and like how they show up for me, she knows like, okay, like they're,

spk_0 I want them around because they're, you know, clearly in support of my daughter. Yeah.

spk_0 But yeah, she's a real one. Going up that you feel like, um, or even now, do you feel like

spk_0 you're a closer family or do you feel like you just have created your family? Um, I mean,

spk_0 I still, I feel like I, I love my family who are heartily and I still have connections with them.

spk_0 It's just, you know, I think it's the overall of like everybody grew up. People have, you know,

spk_0 started building their own lives. Some people having kids. Um, I think that's what we,

spk_0 where we lack in a sense of like the distance has grown, where we're not as close as we used to be

spk_0 growing up. Um, just because I feel like the culture is different now. We're,

spk_0 yeah, when we were kids, it was like, you had to be, you know, together for every holiday,

spk_0 for everything. Like, you know, now, now people's in the state of mind. I'm just like, I need to

spk_0 worry about myself and my own family. And like, if nobody hit me up, I'm not hitting them up,

spk_0 type shit. Yeah. So I mean, I think that that's where the divide started. Um, but nonetheless,

spk_0 I still, you know, try to spend time with my family when I can. It is a little bit harder now

spk_0 than I'm further, but I try to manage. Yeah. I think they fill up for you. Yeah. 1000%. I don't think

spk_0 I had no point. Like if I was to hit my mama right now until her, yo, she called me ASAP.

spk_0 Like, all right. Like if I told her I needed her to come up, come get me or any type of shit,

spk_0 like she's gonna do that. Yeah. Um, so you know what I wish for you though? What?

spk_0 That you and your siblings were closer. Yeah. Yeah. And I sometimes I think it's just maybe

spk_0 because they're guys. Like, I don't, I have one brother who's younger, but I don't have a male

spk_0 sibling who's like around my age. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter their gender,

spk_0 because I know some people who have sisters and they're not cool with their sisters or they

spk_0 have a lot of beef with their sister and like, I'm lucky to say that I don't have that type of drama.

spk_0 Yeah. I mean, I'm cool with my brothers. We're not, there's never been no beef. And like,

spk_0 we did type them off because that if we got something to say, we'll say to each other's face and we'll

spk_0 argue and we'll, we'll lock it out then and there. But then we're going to be like,

spk_0 yo, all right, like, I love you. Like, it's not to the point where it's like, oh,

spk_0 no, fuck that. Like you disrespected me. But I don't need to be around you. Um, it's never got to

spk_0 that point. Um, but I think like my brothers are just really like to themselves type of people's.

spk_0 So I just think like, you know, that's kind of what also separates us a little bit. Yeah.

spk_0 But those is my boys. So, um, yeah, but it would be cool if like, yeah, we had those closer

spk_0 connections, but it's just, I don't know, there are more chilly, chilly, chilly, willy type of dudes.

spk_0 And I'm like, very chill. What's up? Like, let's go live our best life, you know?

spk_0 And they're like, no, I'm trying to go camping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is cool, which is cool.

spk_0 I mean, my brother has, I might have me like my old brother. He's been going, I guess there's been

spk_0 like this camp jam thing that goes on between like August and September and he usually likes to go

spk_0 first birthday. So he hasn't invited me, but it's just been on like weekends where I work. Yeah,

spk_0 and I'm like, fuck what? Yeah.

spk_0 It's really crazy for me because I have my family from my mom's side, from my that side,

spk_0 and then from my step that side. And I am closer to the family from my step that side,

spk_0 who's really not my family blood family. Um, so it's like, if I say this is my cousin and you're like,

spk_0 y'all look nothing like it's because of that. Like, sometimes I'm like, I feel like a doctor low

spk_0 key because it's like, yeah, I don't look like these people, but this is my family. Um, and this is

spk_0 who like every year or I don't know, but we try to like get together and do things for the holidays

spk_0 and, um, you know, just try to celebrate anything that we can together. Um, but family from my mom's

spk_0 side, I'm really not closer than that much because they all live in DR number one and number two,

spk_0 there's like a disconnect. I can't describe it, but conversations don't just flow.

spk_0 And maybe it's like the language barrier, even though I know how to speak Spanish, but like to them,

spk_0 like the mannequins, the way they speak Spanish is like very, um, just very fast and not formal.

spk_0 And with the times that I've tried to connect with my cousins from DR, they're asking me for like

spk_0 money and for sneakers. Like they really think that I'm like rich. And it's not just with me.

spk_0 They've done it with my older sister and things like that. So it's like, all right, then I'm really

spk_0 not talking to you because no, like so I haven't been to DR in a long time because because of that.

spk_0 Um, and then family from my dad's side, so I have family in Puerto Rico. And I would say I'm

spk_0 semi close. I think that there's a second disconnect with that family because of the religious

spk_0 aspect. So, and I think that this is, this is with most Hispanic families. Like, um,

spk_0 there's this cultural thing with most Hispanic families being like Catholic or Christian.

spk_0 And then having their like religious views and things like that. Um, I had this aunt,

spk_0 who I had this aunt, who is extremely religious. Like, she got a church, she'd be teaching classes,

spk_0 she'd be doing the whole nine. Like she is extremely involved within her church. I've gone to,

spk_0 um, some, I've gone to it sometimes and it was cool when I was a kid. Um, for now I was in a

spk_0 door. It's not something that I'm really into. Um, and it's really because of the way

spk_0 some religious people look down on you when you're gay. And I feel like

spk_0 they kind of look at you like you're creating a scene. It's like, yeah, I respect it, but like,

spk_0 like it's like they, but what, what, what is the saying that they'd be saying? They'd be like, I,

spk_0 I don't know, I feel like people say all the time. I understand it, but I don't respect,

spk_0 I don't know. They say something along the lines that really doesn't make any sense to me.

spk_0 It's like, I don't, I don't accept it, but I tolerated it. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's like, okay,

spk_0 so you don't accept me then like, all right, whatever. So I feel like there's just like this unspoken

spk_0 I just truly don't feel free. That's how I feel. Like it's like, yeah, you know it, but it's not

spk_0 something that we talk about because you don't really fuck with that. Um, and I do think that

spk_0 this happens a lot in Hispanic families when you're queer. It's like this unspoken thing where

spk_0 they locate you and you kind of just, you just know what it is. I don't know, but

spk_0 another thing that I have in my notes, I don't think um,

spk_0 my family puts this part on me anymore, but I do have a grandmother who asks me what I'm

spk_0 going to get married to a man and have kids. And like that is like the expectation that they

spk_0 think everybody should go by. Yeah. Your married have kids, do the whole tradition, buy a house,

spk_0 blasie, blasie, blasie. And sometimes I really feel like she's just too old, you know, like I'm not

spk_0 going to explain this to her. I'm not going to answer this with you because it's like, you know,

spk_0 something good. I could be married to a man and still not have kids. So I just feel like the whole

spk_0 persona, like the whole idea of it nowadays is just very, um, it is a very touchy subject.

spk_0 I really just be like, Grandma, I'm living my life. I'm living my life. And that's it. And you see

spk_0 my partner, you see it. You've been around like they used to. You've been around her. Oh yeah,

spk_0 that's the one that I met. Yeah. Okay. You've been around her. It's like, should we ask you that still?

spk_0 Maybe like that. They just be taking a phase. You know what? Can't blame them.

spk_0 But it's like, you know, I really don't have the energy to go into that. So I really, I've never

spk_0 been asked when you're going to marry a man. And why do you think that? Because of the way that you

spk_0 dress or you're the meaner? What is it? No, I don't think I'm just saying like, even with my family,

spk_0 it's got to be your family is just more respectful. Well, I think that my mom's side of family know

spk_0 what the fuck it is. Are they scared of you? Yeah, you're okay. My niece or my cousin is gay. Like

spk_0 Dairy never been no hit or hide behind it. And then my dad's side of the family is kind of like the

spk_0 we don't speak on it type of, you know, family. So they're just like, all right, like they know

spk_0 that I'm gay, but I'm sure that they don't really say it out loud. Um, and especially now that I'm

spk_0 with you and I've been with you for so long. Like now they know like, oh, okay, that's her girl.

spk_0 Like that. I think that's the little fight it for sure, but I've definitely had family who like

spk_0 in my face is like, hi, hi, hi, yeah, I love you. And then had fucking shit on me,

spk_0 calling me a fucking dyke and shit because they're mad, you know, about some shit. Um, so

spk_0 they call you a dyke. Some gay shit. Oh, yes, she did. She did. She did. I remember her.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever it is, what it is. Yes, but you know, I don't care because you don't pay

spk_0 my bills. You're hitting in my my my personal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Period. Like it just,

spk_0 it doesn't bother me because it's like it wasn't a hurtful thing. I didn't care. And I feel like

spk_0 more than anything, love my family and stuff. But, you know, sometimes I think they watch me in my

spk_0 lifestyle and look at envy and be hating and be hating, bro. Like if I don't give a fuck was a

spk_0 person, it would be me. Like, I don't know what to tell you. But I think, I think that also is

spk_0 because like, I've seen so many people like outside and within my family that have like, just

spk_0 not happy about things in life and like certain ways that they've like experienced their life,

spk_0 that like, I'm just like, I refuse to be in that position or to be like that. It's like,

spk_0 I think I've learned more than anything is like, yes, life can really shit on you. And it could be

spk_0 hard and it's okay to be down some days. But it's like, you can't let that eat you alive. Like

spk_0 you got to literally take control of the shit that you could take control over.

spk_0 Because if you don't like your, you're just going to spend a life full of suffering because you

spk_0 aren't taking the initiative to like make life the best that you can make it with the things that

spk_0 you can control. Exactly. Yeah, there's just, I feel like there's just a lot of like pressure.

spk_0 And then you think to yourself, like, is being myself worth losing my family? And it's not really

spk_0 you. I wouldn't say losing, but it's like, I'm setting boundaries. Yeah. While we were,

spk_0 while we were celebrating and doing all these things for our birthday that are lovely friends

spk_0 organized for us, my one of my aunts was talking crazy to me because of the drama. And

spk_0 she called me a transsexual. And I was like, yeah, you guys are truly uneducated. Yeah.

spk_0 Calling you a guy, calling me a transsexual, like it's like so ignorant.

spk_0 Blot. I'm blocking you. Like you're not about to hit my phone like that on a night. I'm

spk_0 trying to even know what you're saying. That's what I'm saying. Like you can't even get the

spk_0 shit right. Right. And it's like, are you? Because you're saying it out of anger. Right.

spk_0 And like a sense of hatred. And it's like because it bothers you. Yes. And it's like,

spk_0 am I supposed to be offended by that? Yeah. I don't.

spk_0 Really? You're really like pick up addiction. But like I feel like me and Jojo have always

spk_0 talked about like the positives. And this is not to talk about the negatives. This is just to

spk_0 talk about like the realness and the fact that choosing family is really still family. And I feel

spk_0 like that I've never really thought a bit like that because to me, they're family. Like just family.

spk_0 But when I really sit down and think about like who really shows up for me. Who is it that I talk to

spk_0 when I'm like going through hardship? I call my step that like that is the person who

spk_0 is family. And then the family that he brought into like our household and who we've always

spk_0 celebrate holidays with like that is my family. So yeah, I feel like we really need to value our

spk_0 friendships. And I really feel like I saw that this weekend where it was like, well, I really

spk_0 want to cancel this thing. And I didn't cancel it. And I ended up having a really great time.

spk_0 And if I think I would have just been depressed, like just stayed home and done nothing. And just

spk_0 would have been like a couch potato. It would have been eating you a lot. Yeah. And then I would have

spk_0 been just thinking about the same things over and over again. And no, like I said you went out

spk_0 and made memories. Exactly. And I have so many pictures and videos. People have videos of me,

spk_0 you know, you know, it's 626 where there's like the people be dancing on the stage. I got in that.

spk_0 Yeah. Yeah. Apparently. Wow. You'll be doing shit when I'm not there.

spk_0 I'm here. I'm excited. I was there. You know, I'm so funny. It's because like when you do the

spk_0 drag brunch at 626, they always ask for like a participation. And I was at home. And I knew that

spk_0 everybody's going to be like, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe,

spk_0 Lydia. And I literally before it happened, it was literally like moments because I was like,

spk_0 I don't know when they're going to do it, but I know they're going to do it. Moments before it

spk_0 happened, I looked at the table and I said, listen to me right now. They are going to ask for

spk_0 participants for a nice little dance off. And don't need to want to y'all fucking sit up here

spk_0 and volunteer me. Okay. And you, Joe, Joe didn't do it, but then she basically ended up doing it.

spk_0 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She had to do it. I had to get the lap dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always

spk_0 have to give a lap dance. Come on. But yeah, really everyone was like so kind and very so just like

spk_0 checking up on me and like, I really be I feel like I come on this podcast and really be sounding

spk_0 like the pressy. But the last the last like seven months have been tragic. That's why. But I'm going

spk_0 through I feel like I'm going through a phase where I'm going to overcome this. Yeah. And I'm

spk_0 really just taking ownership of like, what can I control on certain boundaries, I'm blocking people

spk_0 and I'm doing things that make me feel good. Yeah, it's so crazy because I feel like

spk_0 we've been going through shit and it's never around the same time. It's ridiculous.

spk_0 One will be down bad and the other one will be like, I mean, that's the only time we've had times

spk_0 where we've been down bad together. But like for the most part, I feel like it's also been in

spk_0 phases where it's like one and then one, like, you know, and then it's just like down more like

spk_0 especially when it's not you. It's like, how do I show up? How do I be like the support? How do I,

spk_0 I don't know, it's a lot, but yeah. I feel like you showed up for me. We figured out day for day.

spk_0 There's no rule to this shit. There's no, there's no, you know, book for this. Yeah, there's no

spk_0 playbook. Yeah, right. But yeah, chosen families are really important thing. Like we have this idea

spk_0 that, you know, it's the family you're born into, the family you grow up with. And sometimes those

spk_0 are the ones that really kick you, kick you when you're down. They say it, what's that saying?

spk_0 It be your own people. So if you have a good relationship with people in your family, that's great,

spk_0 cherish that, continue building that. But also, you know, it's not a bad idea to grow one outside

spk_0 of your family as well. Because you know, you always need a backup to show up. And I just love

spk_0 the fact that it's like we both have like our people and our people within our family that we're

spk_0 close to and that we have that bondage with. But it's like we also share it with each other. Yeah.

spk_0 Like even with my friends, like my friends that are like my family, they like love you, like they

spk_0 love me. You know what I'm saying? And the same thing like the connection that I have with your

spk_0 sister, so to say, like your cousin's like, that's like we go out and we're like, get, that's my

spk_0 family. Like I'm not there's no divide, I guess, so to say. I know people be shocked how close you

spk_0 are my sister are. Yeah. And I love that. And I have another sister, but she just don't live here.

spk_0 She lives in Florida. But I did ask on our Instagram. If I don't read all of them, I'm sorry,

spk_0 this is just like what I got right now. But I asked you guys, who do you call first with good news?

spk_0 Who do you call? If it's not you, it's definitely going to be my mom. Yeah. And then it's going to be

spk_0 my best friend, Fick and Lily. Yeah. Lily for sure, 1000%. Really? Yeah. If it's not you, I'll call one of

spk_0 my one of my friends or I'll text them. Oh, you guys are on a group face chat. If not, then you

spk_0 like my stuff, that. And then people said that they call their girl or one of their best friends,

spk_0 somebody said their girlfriend, somebody said their partner or brother, someone said,

spk_0 my mom, someone said my best friend of 20 years. Someone says spouse, best friends, someone said

spk_0 my mom and my dad. Then I asked, who walked who walked you down the aisle of your parents? What

spk_0 friends? People said neither of them, probably my best friends dad, but I don't even care anymore.

spk_0 It'd be like that. Someone said my uncle, someone said me myself and I. Someone said because I'm

spk_0 a lesbian and not having the traditional wedding, not sure which is crazy. Someone said my best friend,

spk_0 someone said my sister and my older brother, someone said besties or grandma or uncle.

spk_0 Who would you, I mean, I mean, I know it wouldn't be my parents, but in the event that it couldn't be

spk_0 my parents, it would probably be like my brothers. My brothers would definitely have to step up for that.

spk_0 Right. I would say my stepdad or my brother, who's, who's young, but he's still like,

spk_0 ah, he's still could do it, right? I mean, that's the traditional way. You know, like people

spk_0 do their own thing. Okay. And then I asked, who's part of your chosen family? People said, my

spk_0 best child game. Yeah. Some people said that. Someone said one friend from high school, one friend

spk_0 from college and the last child fam. Period. A lot of people said, last child. Someone said, taboo,

spk_0 put you beautiful souls. So blessed to have met you both family, families now. Someone said my

spk_0 work friends and my wife's navy friends, they have been with us through everything. Oh yeah,

spk_0 we can't forget about the work friends, y'all. Yeah. Like these are people that you see every day,

spk_0 almost every day. Like you spend most of your time in 40 plus hours. Like in any job that I have,

spk_0 I try to get cool with people. Like, like, I don't know, I just feel like I'm, I need to talk shit

spk_0 with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. I was actually with some I supposed to make the work time go by. Exactly.

spk_0 And the last question that I asked was, have you ever felt closer to your friends than relatives?

spk_0 And 75% of people said always and 25% of people said sometimes. I was very shocked by this,

spk_0 but at the same time, not shocked because I feel like I could relate to that. Like, sometimes being

spk_0 like your friends know you more than your family does. Yeah. Because family be judging.

spk_0 It's incredible. Um, but yeah, thank you guys for participating in that and that little questionnaire.

spk_0 But all in all, um, I think we just need to be intentional in friendships. Like if you feel like

spk_0 them, I really don't have, I really don't have that. Like I don't have the group of people I can connect

spk_0 with and things like that. I just encourage you to say yes to things. Like I said, you never know who

spk_0 you meet when you go out. Yeah. You could meet a friend. You could meet a future partner. Um,

spk_0 just invite people to do things. Like one of the, one of the, um, the part of the listeners that we

spk_0 met from a party. She had, I had invited her to the Jersey City event. We chill. She bought

spk_0 her brother. We got super cool. Then she invited us to go to her house, her barbecue. So I went

spk_0 there. Um, her family was lovely. Now we're going to go to another event together. Like we just

spk_0 keep inviting each other to things. And we're just saying yes. And even when we feel tired,

spk_0 we still go. Rally up, baby. Yeah. Rally up. Um, but yeah, at the end of the day,

spk_0 like families just about love. Not really about blood. Yeah. Who cares about that? I don't even know

spk_0 my blood type. Me either. I made it check that. Like I don't even know. It's just like they say

spk_0 like with parents, you know, it's not just because I see your biological parent. I don't make them

spk_0 with parent, right? They don't make them your mom. They don't make them your dad. Like it's who

spk_0 showed up for you who raised you. Who was there for you? You know, those those biological

spk_0 you know, factors don't, it doesn't matter. Sure. But is it like the only thing that matters?

spk_0 Is it the thing that has to keep you in the hell you're in? If you're fucking not, you know,

spk_0 close to your family? No. Right. Go make your own. A thousand percent. All right, y'all. We're not

spk_0 going to do a family family meeting question this time because we didn't have one.

spk_0 This time you guys got to get back in the inbox. What we doing. Right. So if you guys have a story,

spk_0 um, a question, anything, please put it in our family meeting question. It's linked to our bio

spk_0 or you can email us as well, but that is where, you know, we keep all of them. But

spk_0 Thank you guys so much for listening. Don't forget to like, share, comment and subscribe.

spk_0 Hey, do do's, ma'am, go. Bye.

138. The Family You Build

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